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Why can't it be like this forever?	By : Catspeaker Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 5202 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
A/N: This is a slightly revised version of the original chapter 1. There will be smut in this story, but it's a slow burn and doesn't really happen until Chapter 4. I've filled some of the details involving the Boy Louds out with common accepted headcanon I found online and enjoy, and my own personal interpretations of course. I have the arc the story should follow planned out, but we'll see how it goes as I write it, each chapter so far has mostly survived intact with that outline with only a few changes here and there.

I hope you enjoy it, please feel free to review and comment or ask questions!

The first thing she noticed, was just how cold she was. There was a sharp chill in the air, one cold enough she knew her breath had to be icing up. It was far to cold for the typical hot and humid Michigan summers. But the girl was still trying to sleep, and her sleep addled mind didn't want to think about why it was so cold. So she ignored the chill and pulled her legs up against her body, wrapping her arms around them to try and preserve her warmth.

The next thing she noticed, even as she continued trying to sleep, was the sound, or more the lack of sound. There was no noise of summer crickets or bullfrogs outside as they went about their nocturnal business. There was no sound of a rare passing car on the suburban streets of Royal Woods. But more, there was no sound of her Mom and Dad or her brothers.

That should have been impossible. As the only girl among 11 children, Linka was used to there always being some kind of sound in her house, even at night. Someone somewhere in the house was always making some kind of noise. No toilet flushing from someone needing to take a late night pee, no sounds on the stairs of someone getting a midnight snack, no laughter from the hall of the boys being up past their bedtime. No cries of uncle or fighting coming from their rooms. Not even any snoring. There was only the sound of the cold wind, whipping through the air outside of the house, carrying a whistling, haunting tune.

The girl didn't like this. It was cold, and it was quiet, two things it shouldn't be. The girl didn't like this one bit.

The Girl in question was Linka Loud. The middle child among her ten brothers, she was the only one afforded her own room, the only one afforded some measure of privacy among all the testosterone that flowed in the Loud House. Her little island oasis away from all the things boys did. It was her sanctuary among the chaos and rowdy energy, as much as she even loved that chaos and energy most of the time.

So she expected to be alone in her room, that wasn't the issue.

But now the 12 year old was too cold, and if she admitted it to herself, to scared to try and sleep, and despite how she felt around, she couldn't even find her blanket to pull over herself to even try and get warm. So slowly she opened her big doe like blue eyes and forced them to adjust to the darkness of her room.

The moonlight streaming through the window was the only help her eyes had as they squinted and began to take in the visuals of her room.

She realized then she was on her bedroom floor. That didn't seem right. She didn't remember falling out of bed. Her blanket wasn't tangled up with her, and she didn't feel sore.

She felt along the floor, trying to find her bed so she could crawl back up into it, she still couldn't see everything well enough, so feeling around was the most she could do. It was then she came to the slow realization she had no bed.

The place where her bed should be was simply barren. For that matter the very carpet of the converted linen closet that made up her bedroom was gone. Nothing but old wooden slats greeted her fingertips, something she cursed herself for only noticing now.

With a growing sense of unease rising in her, the 12 year old looked to where her dresser would be, and saw nothing but the pale outline of where it once stood. In fact, as her eyes adjusted more and more, she came to realize everything that once made her room, her room, was now missing. Her posters were gone, her make up, clothes, pictures of her family and friends, books, her laptop, all of it was missing. Worst of all Bun-Bun, her favorite stuffed rabbit, the one she'd had all her life, was nowhere to be seen.

The only thing that remained was the orange nightgown which clung to her girlish form and now seemed to thin to protect her from the cold. Her only company was what seemed to be cobwebs and dust gathering in the corners.

Linka began to get more and more upset. This didn't make sense, none of this made any sense. Why was her room completely picked clean? Why was it so cold? Where was the sound of her family? What was going on?

She knew staying in her empty room like this wasn't going to answer her questions. The 12 year old stood up from the cold floor, walked to her door and took hold of the knob, before flinging it open.

Greeting her was the almost familiar sight of the Loud family upstairs hallway. A corridor she was so used to seeing bathed in light, and with the left over activity of 10 boys whose rooms it all led to. Where she should of seen left over Hockey Sticks, food wrappers, underwear, socks, and other evidence of the rowdy boys that lived there, all she saw was a barren, empty, and dark space that yawned before her.

There was nothing left. Not even the doors that should have led to her brother's rooms were present. A fine layer of dust coated the moldy and rotten looking wood of the floor... cobwebs once again covered the corners and angles before her. It seemed as if no one had been present for ages.

Linka felt her pulse quicken and her chest tighten. A growing sense of panic began to overtake the girl. She needed to find her family. She began to race down the hall, looking to find someone, her brothers, her parents, her neighbor, anyone. She stopped first to her right, calling into her twin brothers rooms.

“Leif, Lex?” She asked the air before looking in. Rather than seeing the twin boys, their toys, Leif's pets and tools, or Lex and his Princely apparel and camouflage power-wheel jeep, she was greeted with the sight of broken detritus. It looked as if pieces of furniture had been torn up and tossed into a pile in the middle of the room, right along with the cobwebs in the corners and dust that floated in the air.

Taking another deep, panicked breath, Linka ran directly across the hall to her brothers' Levi and Leon's room. They were her youngest siblings, and she thought maybe this was all some horrible result from one of Levi's experiments. Levi may have technically been the smartest person in the house, but he could always be foolish when it came to testing his experiments and inventions out on his family.

When she crossed the short distance to the room and entered she saw the same thing as before. There was evidence of nothing, as if her brothers had picked up and left some time ago. The outline of Leon's crib could be seen, and a few discarded old rusted bolts and gears from one of Levi's machines were piled in the corner, and yet, there was no one present.

Where is everyone? What's going on? Why am I the only one here? Please don't let me be the only one here. Please let me find someone! Mom, Dad, Luke, Loni... Loki... Loki, Big brother Loki where are you?!

Thoughts like these, worries over where her family was, tore through Linka's head as she ran further and further down the hall. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach there was no reason to do so. She was certain she'd find her other brother's rooms in the same condition she'd found the previous ones. Even as her stomach began to twist in knots, as the cold fear and anxiety took more and more hold over her, she knew she had to be absolutely certain.

She couldn't remember the last time her feet had thumped across the hallway floor this fast. Not even in the cases when she needed to use the bathroom at the end of the Hall did she run so fast and far so hard. At this point she wasn't even stopping to look each room over completely, just peeking in to confirm her terrifying suspicions. Each of her brothers was gone, each of the places where their things would normally be were empty. Full of nothing but the shadows of what once was, and the discarded trash of what was not needed.

Linka felt more than saw her vision getting blurry as tears began to fill the girl's eyes. Her heart was pounding harder and faster than it had before, as she came to the realization she was all alone. Even as she made her way towards the staircase that took her downstairs into the rest of the House, she already knew she'd find it in the same state she'd found the top floor.

Nobody was here. Her family had vanished, or rather, more horrifying, they'd simply picked up and left without her. Linka often worried she was forgotten about in the house. As the only girl she couldn't share everything with her brothers, she couldn't take part in everything they did together. They had always kept things from her, and she knew they had meetings and get togethers without her involved. Of course her parents were more akin to seeing the boys around then the one single girl too. It was just so easy for them to remember the boys, they all came together. Mom even referred to them as her 'army'. Of course they'd forgotten about her. She was the only girl, the one that didn't fit in, the one that had to be treated differently. Of course they'd left her.

Linka managed to step down the long set of creaky, barren, dust covered stairs, and made her way out of the Loud House proper. Out through the front door where she was beat with the chill and the biting wind. She felt cold, she wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her body tightly. No sound greeted her but that wind, and no familiar sight but the moon which seemed to shine down indifferently around her.

She looked around the neighborhood as she stepped down the porch... over the dead grass, searching for all the signs of life she knew weren't there. Every other house was dark, the windows were boarded up, the street lights didn't work.

She was sniffling, shivering, and feeling more afraid than she'd ever had in her life. She didn't know what she'd done wrong to make her family abandon her like this, or why they had left her... all she knew was they weren't there, but she somehow still was. They had taken everything they needed and wanted, and she was neither.

The final nail in the coffin struck when she spotted the sign sticking up out of the green and brown near their mailbox.

'For Sale' it proudly proclaimed in faded red letters and chipping white wood. Green lichen covered parts of the sign, as the rusty chain link that held it in place rattled in the cold wind. That had confirmed her. Her family had abandoned her.

The pre-teen girl fell to her knees then, shivering, hugging herself, and beginning to sob quietly. Her Parents had just discarded her, that hurt... but even more, her brothers had left her. Her ten goofy, sweet, annoying, rambunctious brothers. The ones that had all promised to be there for her, they were all gone, they had decided she wasn't worth staying around for.

The girl shook and whimpered, and clutched her pillow tightly to her chest. Her feet kicked and she could feel her soft and thick baby blue blanket slowly being bunched up and pushed off her legs. She tossed, and slowly began to realize she wasn't on her front lawn anymore. More than that, while she was cool, it wasn't due to any wind howling outside, and more to do with the central air that felt like it had been turned to near arctic temperatures. With a whimper, Linka Loud slowly began to come awake, and realize what she'd been experiencing was nothing more than a bad dream.

A horrible dream, a nightmare really. She was moments out of it now and sitting up in her bed, clutching her pillow between her arms. She still felt her heart pounding, still felt herself shivering, and more, felt how she'd dampened her pillow with her tears. Her big blue eyes swept over her room, just like they had in her dream, only this time to confirm everything was still there and in it's rightful place.

Her posters were still up on the wall exactly where they'd been, including her favorite heroine, Artemis Everwood. Her dresser and mirror were still leaned up against the wall with her make up in front. Her favorite YA novels and Manga Takaban still on the shelf exactly where they were supposed to be, and Bun-Bun, her rabbit, was still on the bed.

She dropped her pillow behind her, then picked up the little stuffed rabbit in it's purple dress, and held it close to her body. She sniffled and gave it a little kiss, hugging it close. She felt a little ridiculous, holding her stuffed rabbit like this, as if the soft felt creature could banish away all the bad feelings and thoughts she was feeling. Wasn't she supposed to be 12 year old Linka Loud? 6^th oldest of eleven siblings, responsible and coming of age now?

The girl sighed and laid back down on her bed, clutching the stuffed bunny close to her. It was true, she was trying to act more 'mature', even if she didn't fully know what that meant. She'd entered the throes of puberty last year and it was doing a number on her.

She was technically getting older, and while she knew she was a 'kid' she also knew she wasn't a child, as strange as that sounded in her head. Or maybe she was a child still, but just barely, she had one foot firmly outside of that line.

Where once the snow haired, blue eyed girl with the freckles on her cheeks had been short and lanky, when she hit puberty last year at 11 she'd begun to change rapidly. She'd already gained a few inches in that time, requiring a whole new set of clothes to be bought for her. More than that though, she'd begun to 'fill out' as well. While she would still be regarded as skinny by most who saw her she was looking less and less like a thin rectangle these days. ..An unmistakable set of curves had come to her hips in the last year, making them just slightly more noticeable, but more than that, was the increase to the size of her breasts.

Linka had been ecstatic when her breasts had really begun to grow in. It had happened almost around the same time her mother had told her to begin watching out for them. It helped Rita knew what she was talking about, being something of a curvaceous woman herself. She had informed her daughter to not be too surprised when 'the boob fairy' came to visit her after she'd turned 11 and it was clear she was beginning to run headlong into puberty. But now at 12, Linka had graduated from training bras to wearing a B-cup to go along with her shapely young hips. She'd also begun to develop a light downy of snow white hair, 'down there'. That had been another significant change.

So there she was, a girl in transition to being a young woman, still a few years out, but no longer a 'little girl'. And here she was, holding her stuffed bunny with tears running down her cheeks, whimpering from a bad dream.

She should try to go back to bed, but really what she wanted more than anything else right now was a hug. She wanted the warm familiar sensation of someone she loved to wrap their arms around her and tell her everything was alright. She was fortunate in many ways that she had so many family members who would probably be up to the task.

Which brought up the next question. Just which of her brothers was she going to seek out for comfort?

Linka looked over at the digital alarm on her nightstand. It was Friday night, she'd spent most of the day with her BFF Claudia and had ended up passing out around 10pm. Right now it was, just past midnight... She'd only been asleep for two hours? Linka had to think..

She ruled out her younger brothers right away. First, Leon was a baby, cute as he was and as much as Linka loved to hug him, he wouldn't be able to do much to soothe her. Levi in his own analytical way would try to calm her down. The little genius would dismiss her dreams as having no inherent effect on reality and therefore she had no reason to be afraid. Not exactly the type of comforting she wanted right now, she wanted emotional comfort, not logical comfort.

Her Twin brothers Lexx and Leif were next and would comfort her without question. Lief would pick up his pipe wrench and threaten to smack any bad dreams that came her way. Lexx would take up his royal scepter and say his knights would keep them safe as they slept. And while she loved feeling both of them snuggle up against her under each arm she didn't want to wake both of them either.

There was always her vampire loving brother Lars. But he would want to know every detail of her bad dream and discuss it at lengths with her. Her morbid and morose little brother loved all things dark, gothic, and creepy...He would ask her why she wanted to get rid of her bad dreams in the first place!

She was quickly realizing what the real problem with all of her little brothers here was though.

Wasn't she just thinking about this? How she was getting older?She was supposed to be the big sister here, having her little brothers comfort her was backwards! She was supposed to be the one comforting them!

This led next to her older brothers... Beginning with Lynn Jr, the one who she was closest in age to. The trophy winning sports maniac who tied to get her involved in all of his activities. She'd grown up closest in age to Lynn so she was used to sharing things with him, but... He also shared a room with Lars. Lynn's idea of trying to calm her down would probably be an impromptu game of hallway hockey too, something Linka really wasn't up for.

Luke could have been great to go to for this, Linka always found Luke to be the brother who was easiest to talk to. The punk rocker boy was probably Linka's favorite brother to just hang out and chill with...He always seemed so relaxed and ready to listen. He also cheered her on in everything she did... but she also knew Luke was still probably out with his boyfriend Sam tonight. She gave a little smile at that, she'd been the first person Luke had told he was Bi, and now in general she was so happy to have someone else she could talk to about boys. That didn't help her right now though.

Lane, was not Linka's first choice when it came to comfort for these sorts of things. It wasn't that he wasn't sweet to her, that he didn't love her, and that he wouldn't be willing to do so, but well it was just... Well Lane was her funny brother, everything was a joke to him, and everything was a potential chance for comedy. Sometimes that was exactly what Linka wanted when she was feeling down. But other times it was the exact opposite of what she wanted. This was one of those times.

That left her two oldest brothers. Loki and Loni. If she was truthful, Loni was typically the first of all her brothers to know when she was upset and he would always selflessly inquire as to why. Despite being considered the dumbest of the bunch (though Lynn gave him a run for his money in that contest) Loni just seemed to pick up on the emotions of others so easily, and he was just the sweetest of all her brothers. Loni would drop everything to make her a cup of tea, or bring her cookies, or chocolate and a warm blanket. Heck, Loni was the only brother who seemed to know instinctively how to navigate around her during her periods which had started recently. But her dumb, sweet, innocent and fashionable brother was off with the drama club for the weekend. They were going to Great Lakes city to take in a show and train with a theater troupe. Loni had been over the moon with the field trip.

Sometimes she wished Loni had been the gay or bi brother.

Which brought her down to the last choice. Her oldest brother, the first born and most responsible of the Loud Siblings, her big brother Loki. Linka felt her breath catch for just a moment when she came to him mentally.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, and slipping her dainty feet into her soft orange slippers, Linka prepared herself to head out of her room and find her oldest brother. In truth, she already knew he was home, she already had even known he was the one she had been planning to go to. But a part of her had needed to make the false effort of running down the checklist of her other brothers to rule them out before she 'had' to settle on Loki.

Normally on a late Friday night Loki would be with his girlfriend Bebe. Bebe and Loki had only been officially dating for just over a year now, but the two were practically joined at the hip. At 17 years of age both had other obligations involving school, family, and jobs, particularly for Bebe who seemed to have a new job every time she came over. But the two seemed to spend every free moment they had texting, talking, or hanging out with each other. Bebe was one of the few subjects her tough, bossy older brother would get emotional over. Loki had been in love with Bebe before they had even begun officially dating. He was beside himself if he didn't receive a text from her at least every hour they weren't together or sleeping. It was clear Loki's heart ran on Bebe's energy.

Linka couldn't complain though, she absolutely adored Bebe too. The pretty dark haired Hispanic girl was just as sweet as Loni was (and almost as dumb too Linka realized), but more than that the two had bonded so quickly and easily with each other it had taken Linka completely by surprise.

Linka had been so desperate for another older girl in her life she could look up too... and Bebe had apparently wanted a little sister all of her life. One day when Bebe had wanted to drag Loki out to see one of the more saccharine romantic movies playing, Loki just couldn't do it. The newest Call of War had dropped and he was dead set on playing it with his brothers all day. He'd tossed money at Linka and sent her out with Bebe.

That had turned into an all day affair where the two girl's had a blast with one another. It ended with them deciding it didn't need to be a one time thing between the two of them. Bebe had even stated with complete conviction to Linka, that since they were going to be sisters one day anyway, there was no problem in them hanging out together.

It became a regular thing for Bebe to sometimes take Linka out with her somewhere. Even to where Linka occasionally had sleep overs with Bebe. The two would spend the evening doing each other's nails, watching movies, and trying out beauty treatments from magazines on each other. Linka had referred to it as refilling her batteries with girl energy. Linka even had Bebe's phone number, and the two would exchange texts regularly too. It was enough their connection occasionally even made Loki Jealous.

Loki had been obviously embarrassed when the two of them caught him pouting and sniffling, and muttering about his little sister and girlfriend stealing each other from his life, but both Bebe and her had simply found it adorable. Linka and Bebe had both felt terrible they'd been neglecting him, and just explained they'd been so overly excited about their new sister experiences with one another. After that they'd managed to come to a compromise. When ever the boys needed 'guy' time with one another, Linka got to go and get 'girl' time with Bebe.

So what force on earth could keep Loki away from Bebe tonight?

It was simple really, Bebe had to get up early in the morning for her part time job. She'd volunteered to take an extra shift at the Pizzeria. Otherwise, no doubt Loki would have been out with Bebe all night. Sometimes he didn't even come home now until early in the morning.

The older brothers all seemed aware of this, and had sworn some kind of pact to cover for him in the case of Mom and Dad discovering it, but refused to tell Linka why they were doing it. A number of times she'd been about to tell Mom and Dad where Loki was when they couldn't find him, only for Luke, or Layne, or Lynn Jr to slap their hand over her mouth and make up some excuse about where Loki was.

Linka wasn't dumb, she'd figured it out quickly after that. Bebe had already told her by accident what was going on too.

Bebe and Loki were having sex.

Bebe's Mom often worked the night shift, and Loki would apparently stay with her sometimes until just an hour or two before her Mom was due home. He would sneak out of her room in the morning after the two had spent all night together and then race back home and try to slip into bed before anyone in the Loud house would notice. Linka had seen him sneak in through the window, after Loni had tossed him down a rope one morning. She didn't know what was going on until Bebe had texted her about it.

She simply asked Linka to tell Loki he'd left his underwear in her room. This was followed by 3 more texts that read simply 'unsend text!'. It didn't take being a genius like her brother Levi to make the connection of what that meant.

Which brought her back to why she had run through every other brother as a possibility of who she could seek comfort from before landing on Loki once again. It was because of how she'd begun feeling about him as of late.

Loki was her eldest brother, THE eldest brother in the Loud House, the first born son. In many ways Linka thought he probably embodied everything an eldest son and older brother was supposed to be, for good or for worse.

He was responsible, the most responsible person after their parents by far. He'd been put in charge of all of them every time Mom and Dad went out for as long as she could remember. In fact, Linka could never remember having a proper babysitter that wasn't her eldest brother. He kept all the other boys in line and made sure the house didn't fall down when Mom and Dad were gone. Only Linka herself came close to him, and she'd already once learned the hard way she couldn't control her brothers as well as he could.

This meant he could also be a little, well... bossy and domineering. Loki expected to be obeyed when he gave an order, and giving orders came easy to him. It wasn't they were afraid of him hurting them, he just exuded authority. Authority given to him freely by their parents, speaking to the level of responsibility they trusted him with. But on the front of violence, he wasn't afraid to knuckle down against the rest of her brothers, and remained undefeated in their scraps and wrestling matches unless they all ganged up against him.

Which brought her to the point that Loki was strong. He worked out regularly, and while Loni liked to keep in shape and exercise to keep his movie star physique, and Lynn Jr was always training and had the body of an athlete... Loki pumped Iron.

While her brother was not a bulging muscled meat head, his arms were strong, toned, and developed like corded steel. She knew he did it partially to look good, partially because it seemed to make Bebe squeal whenever he flexed, but mostly because he felt he had to be the strongest since he was the oldest.

Her brother had good grades as well (third best in the house after Levi and then herself), was on the varsity golf team, and had a knack for organization. He could vacillate between being the stern older brother who kept the others in line, and then a goofy fun loving boy who wrestled with his younger brothers, laughed and joked with them, and most of all would defend all of them from anything.

But it was Linka he was the protective of most of all. All of her brothers were protective of her, even the youngest and littlest were all willing to come to her aid in any situation. She knew it was some primal familial protective instinct of course, but most of all it was because she was the only girl, and while Loki loved and would protect all of his brothers too, it was Linka who drew it out of him the most. No matter what the situation, if Linka was upset, Loki was the first one to try and solve the problem.

To say nothing, Linka admired all of her brothers in their own ways, but Loki in particular was the one she felt closest to. Sure she could just sing and laugh and hang out with Luke, and talk about clothes and fashion and feelings with Loni... but Loki made her feel safe. He made her feel comfort, He....

Well, it didn't help he often came across exactly like one of the male protagonists of some of the Shoujo Manga her and Claudia liked to read. Strong, dominant, handsome, and yet capable of such sweetness and romance with the girl he loved.

The reality simply was Linka felt like she was betraying Bebe when she wanted the comfort of her big brother.

Something that shouldn't of been any kind of issue, something she knew Bebe had no problem with what so ever. A little sister should always be welcome to hug and seek comfort from her big brother when she was upset. So why did Linka feel like she was betraying Bebe when she did it? Why did she have to second guess herself, and make sure she'd run down every fair possibility or other option before she sought Loki out?

Because Linka didn't think of Loki exactly like just her big brother anymore.

No, if anything, those dumb Shojou she loved so much even had several titles like this. It would be almost funny, if it didn't make her also feel so guilty and miserable inside. Linka was becoming... or maybe she already was... a Brocon.

That felt like a really silly way to describe a burgeoning and miserable reality. Linka was getting stronger and stronger reactions around Loki, and she was fairly certain her recent puberty was largely to blame. It wasn't like she didn't notice other boys, or even have an interest in some of them.

But they just didn't make her feel the way her big strong older brother did. They didn't give her that feeling of safety when being near them, that he would, and could, take on any threat that came across her.

They didn't treat her like a Princess the way he did. The way he would smile at her, how his eyes would soften when he looked at her. He would pick her up in those strong arms and carry her on his shoulders like she weighted nothing. Sure she annoyed him sometimes, didn't all little sisters annoy their big brothers? And he would return with annoying her in kind, or bossing her around, fixing her with one of his angered glares that could make everyone else in the house shrink away in fright..

But if she ever showed true distress, he would stop on a dime and that gentle but fierce protector would come out. More, lately, Linka had begun to imagine her big brother looking at her with that domineering stare, the one that would fix her in place... and then talk to her in that harsh authoritative tone... but he would tell her to do... other things than just her chores.

Or maybe, it was a whole new set of 'chores' that were just meant to be for him and her. He would tell her to get on her knees in front of him, and she would happily oblige. He would run his fingers through her hair and tell her she was a good girl, and then he would.....

Linka had to swallow and take a moment to rest as she leaned up against her door. She was already getting excited and she hadn't even stepped out yet. Her young pink nipples had gotten hard and were poking through the material of her nightgown, making cute little ski slopes... and she was already feeling the beginning of an itch between her legs..even with how unsettled and nervous she still felt from her nightmare.

That had been the mis-step... thinking of Loki like that... No, no she had to stop, she had to calm down now. She was genuinely still shaken from the nightmare, she wanted her big brother, she wanted comfort. She wanted to feel loved and safe in his arms. She could worry about her dumb little crush later.

So here the 12 year old girl was... she'd stepped out of her bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her. Looking down the hall she was relieved to see it looked nothing like it did in her nightmares. Her brothers doors were closed, but she could see light coming out from the bottom of a couple doors. Most importantly, the door at the end of the hall, the one closest to the bathroom, had that light shining under it.

She knew what was at the end of the hall, and what was waiting for her behind that door. But she mostly hoped, her big brother was completely unaware of these new feelings she had.

New? No, they weren't new, not at all. No, they were feelings of attachment that had always been there. Feelings that Loki would always be in her life and always be there for her and love her. Puberty had just thrown gasoline on a small flame that had always been present.

She'd been told that even as a baby, her first words weren't Mama or Dada but Loki. He'd babysat her so much, and taken care of her so much, she was used to him being a constant presence of comfort and love in her life. She could still remember when she was 5 and he'd been 11... and she'd skinned her knee. Mom and Dad had been out, and her other brothers panicked when they heard her cry.

But not Loki, he grabbed the first aid kit and was next to her in moments. He'd smiled at her, told her it was going to be okay... He cleaned the wound, whispering softly to her every time she flinched, telling her how brave she was. Then he'd patched it up, and after it all was said and done, he kissed her head, hugged her and simply said, “all better”.

She remembered how touched she was. Mom and Dad would have fussed over her too, but Loki had done it, taken care of her like it was his mission to do so. Her child heart could barely handle how loved she felt in that moment, and what she'd said after that had just come so natural to her, “Big Brother? Can I marry you when I grow up?”

And what had he done? He'd laughed softly, patted her head and nodded, “Sure Linka, I'll marry you when you grow up.” Then he'd swung her up onto his shoulders and they teamed up to chase their other siblings around.

She wondered if he remembered that, or if he'd just forgotten it as the off handed response it probably was. Because she had never forgotten it, and even now being older she was more aware of it then ever. She was also aware of how unfair it was that her Big brother was with another girl. But not only that, a girl Linka herself liked so much.

These last few months had been so strange for the girl. Her body was changing, she was feeling things she wasn't used to.. and her big brother was regularly having sex with someone she should be jealous of, but actually admired. She was just so confused, and she hoped more than anything, that Loki hadn't noticed it.

But right now, what she wanted most was just to be with her Big brother. She had an excuse, she had a reason to curl up against him, and smell him, and feel warm and safe with him again. She shouldn't feel guilty about betraying Bebe because there was nothing wrong with a little sister in peril wanting her big brother's attention. It was these thoughts that drove her to steel herself and knock gently on the door she stood in front of..

“Loki? It's Linka....I had a bad dream...” She paused for a moment, before adding..”Can I come in? I'm... scared.”
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Why can't it be like this forever?