The Inexplicable Reality - Dipper Pines

BY : Wendell Urth
Category: +G through L > Gravity Falls
Dragon prints: 1646
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Gravity Falls & all associated characters belong to their respective creators and owners, not me. I receive no compensation whatsoever for this story.

The Inexplicable Reality of the Quantum Fetish Doll, Dipper Pines

This is the first of a series of stories

Disclaimer: Gravity Falls and all associated characters belong to their respective creators and owners, not me. I receive no compensation whatsoever for this story.



It was a dark and stormy night. It fitted her mood perfectly. Her mood hadn’t changed for the last 3 days, 11 hours and 22 minutes… since she had been sent that email.

Actually, the email had arrived a couple of days before she opened it. “But that didn’t count.” She never opened emails from her mother right away. Not till she was in the right mood… and had had a drink or three. It wouldn’t be important; her mother hadn’t had anything important to say in years… “if ever!”

And news like this shouldn’t have been sent in an email, anyway! Oh, she knew why her mother had sent an email instead of phoning… “It’s the screaming and crying… I can’t scream and she can’t cry in an email!” Not effectively.

And it wasn’t just the email. Three different jets and not a first-class seat to be had for love or money (she hadn’t offered the love and her money had been rejected). She was actually expected to take Coach like she was… was… an ordinary person?!?

She continued to grind her perfect white teeth together.

And to add insult to injury, “Daddy refused to send the limo to pick me up. I mean I know he had to cut back on expenses, but keeping only one limo? That’s criminal! Did he really expect me to rent a car and drive myself? What kind of animal does he think I am?”

She swerved to avoid a pothole. There were a lot of them now, “The roads here weren’t maintained like they should be. Nothing is like it should be.”

She never planned on coming back here. Once she was done with her exclusive Finishing School in Switzerland, she planned to relocate to Paris permanently and shake the dust of Oregon off her soul forever!

“Disgusting,” she muttered. “DIS-GUST-ING!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. “Pregnant. Pregnant! PREGNANT!?! With twins, no less. Who does that at her age? No, not having it! The two of them should be neutered!”

But it was a little late for that.

She looked at her reflection in the rear-view mirror. First thing she always did in a car was turn the rear-view mirror to face herself so she could check on her reflection at all times. “Stupid mirrors, what’s out the window that’s so important?”

She looked at herself now, “What about me, Daddy? What about MY INHERITANCE???” She promised herself, “No way I’m going to share it with a couple of unborn rug biters I don’t even know!”

That when the car went THUMP and the deer that sprang out of the bushes sprawled across the windshield before being thrown to the highway.

The deer.

The big pink deer.

The big pink naked deer.

The big pink naked deer with a nice tush and a really big penis.

She skidded off the road, slammed on the brakes, closed her eyes and rested her head on the steering wheel.

“OK. OK, it wasn’t a deer. It was a naked man. And I hit him. (And he did have a nice tush and a big penis, but never mind that.”)

Her first impulse was to pull back on the road and haul ass away from the deer or man she had just killed. But give her some credit, it was an impulse. She did the right thing. It just took a few minutes to figure out what that was. And how much trouble she might be in.

She got out of the car and approached the man. She didn’t see any blood, so… “That’s a good thing, right?” she asked herself. She prodded him with her toe. That was brave of her because these were very expensive shoes. There was a long moan and she jumped back “Shit! I broke a heel!”

The figure on the road slowly turned over. In the headlamps she saw a mop of unruly brown hair (and the very large penis). She saw confusion on his face, puzzlement.

She gasped, “Dipper? Dipper, is that you?”

He looked at her, there was no recognition on his face.

“Dipper? It’s me! Pacifica?”

He continued to stare.


Somehow, she got him into the car, sprawled him on the back seat. There was nothing to cover him with, no blanket in the trunk. It didn’t occur to her to open one of her suitcases and find something. Besides, her clothes were all designer originals.

“I can’t get any reception on the phone, but we’re not far from town… get you to a Doctor soon.”

Dipper didn’t say anything. She readjusted the mirror to look at the figure in the back seat, she could now see his face… almost, the mirror mostly was adjusted a lot lower on his body.

“Dipper? You OK? Why were you in the woods… naked.” She then remembered hearing something from a while ago. He had been lost or disappeared a couple of years ago, hadn’t he?

“I’m OK.” He smiled.

“Oh, thank God!” Then “Dipper?”

“Hmmm. Sorry... but errr, do I know you?”

“Dipper, it’s me… Pacifica. Pacifica Northwest.”

“OK. OK. Then I guess I know you…”

She looked at him in the mirror, readjusting it to focus on his face this time.

“Of course, you know me.”

“Good. That’s good. Can I ask you a question Miss Pacific?

“Pacifica. It’s Pacifica! You can ask me anything.”

“Do you know my name? I don’t seem to remember it at the moment.”

She jammed on the brakes (not noticing the real deer that was actually in the road at the moment). “Oh God, Dipper. I must have knocked your brains loose!”

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