How I Learned to Love the Wild Horse

BY : Romulus_Firewine
Category: +S through Z > Totally Spies!
Dragon prints: 17696
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2 or Totally Spies or any of the characters therein. I'm also not making any money off of this story and not trying to make money off this story, so suing me will get you nothing but embarrassment.

So, guess what dumbass had to go back and make a serious re-write/edit of chapter one to keep THIS chapter from sucking dog dork?  You only get three choices and the first 2 don’t count.  Of course, this doesn’t count the fact that I mixed up Mandy’s lackeys throughout chapters 2 and 3, and I’m gonna have to swap the names around in those chapters at some point. (Dominique is the one with similar hair to Alex who spied on Alex and Ranma in the lockerroom, Caitlyn is the one with long bushy hair.)

On the bright side, it meant I was able to include a scene into this fic that I find singularly hilarious, if only because it’s so much fun to write someone’s behaviors and speech when they’re high-as-a-kite and/or the goofy kind of crazy.

So, to keep yourselves invested in the plot, go back to chapter 1 and read through the new version of the girl’s mission briefing.  Otherwise when things kick off here, you’re just gonna be confused.  99% sure you’ll still laugh, but you’ll also be very confused.

Important point is that this chapter gets into the sticky stuff right away, and it’s mostly unsexy storytime for the rest.  Make from that what you will, and I hope you enjoy!



How I Learned to Love the Wild Horse.
Chapter 4: Truth and Consequences can be Such a Bummer.


“Imma do it.”

“No, Clover.”

“You can’t stop me, Alex.”

“’re serious about this?”

Following a night of debauchery the likes of which would have caused several cardiac arrests and a typhoon’s worth of property damage back in Nerima; Alex and Clover left Ranma’s home shortly after dawn, freshly showered and dressed for the most part, (as Clover hadn’t brought any underwear with her), the two girls agreed that they would need a substantial amount of caffeine to make up for the lack of sleep from the night before.  While the pair were not well rested, they were very well fucked, which brings us full circle to the current conversation as they headed to their respective homes for a change in wardrobe and their school supplies.

Clover gave her mildly surprised friend a flat look. “Alex, Ranma out-fucked me.  I am at negative fucks, and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that he could have kept going if we didn’t have school today.” Clover’s eyes narrowed and she fixed the latina with a fierce, determined glare. “He’s a sweethearted sex-God whose only failing is having a bad reputation, and I’m looking up how much church rentals cost the first chance I get, because I am putting a ring on it, and you can’t stop me.”

“And what will he say?” Alex returned with a frown. “Considering how much luck he’s had with women and engagements, do you really want to drop that on him already?”

“Alex, Alex, Alex,” Clover shook her head pityingly. “I’m not going to marry him right now.” Steel flashed in the blonde’s eyes as she intoned, “We’ll wait until after college and then I’ll claim his dick in my name!”

Alex groaned at the declaration which sounded like something a conquistador or a holy knight would say, which made it all the more wrong when referring to something sexual.

“Besides, you don’t have anything to worry about,” Clover grinned cheekily as she side-eyed her friend. “I’m more than willing to keep sharing him, even after we take the vows, even though it’ll be cheating.”

Alex choked and gaped at her friend, her cheeks reddening at the knowing smile on the blond's face as she whispered, “Oh my were-”

“Awake.  The whole time.” Clover affirmed with a wicked gleam in her eye.

-10:12 P.M.-

Clover gave a soft sigh as she measured her breaths carefully, maintaining the illusion of catnapping while Alex and Ranma cuddled on the other end of his couch.

The trio were on their second time-out, relaxing with one of Alex’s favorite movies in between the epic session that had followed Ranma’s heartfelt statement of care and affection for the two girls. While they had been snuggled up on either side of Ranma, with Clover on his right and Alex on his left;  around the point in the movie when the ‘Shrieking Eels’ had shown up, the blonde had given a dramatic yawn and announced that she needed a bit of a little nap before they got down to round three.  Alex and Ranma had scooted down to one end of the couch, with the latina sitting side-saddle in ‘wild horses’ lap, while Clover had laid back and rested her head on the opposite end, looking for all the world like an innocent angel rather than the boy-crazy and slightly manipulative girl who’d masterminded this little scenario as a test for her bestie and beau.

It wasn’t so much as checking to see if Alex and Ranma would violate her trust, but rather, Clover had planned this set-up to see how well Ranma and Alex could resist the call of the forbidden fruit, as Clover’s stipulation to their menage a trois wasn’t in effect if she wasn’t a participant.  Now, she had not doubt that under normal circumstances, Alex and Ranma wouldn’t think of betraying her trust, especially when she was in the same room as them.

Except, as long as she was in the room, technically it could be argued that they weren’t cheating.

And, their last session had ended with Alex riding Ranma’s face and being tongued to several minor orgasms, rather than getting the D she’d been hoping for.

And Clover had, with a not insignificant amount of regret and hesitation, jumped off of Ranma’s dick before he could pop again, under the guise of making sure he ‘saved his strength’ for later rounds.

So, Clover was seemingly out of action for an unknown amount of time, while Ranma had been slightly blue-balled and backed up, and Alex had yet to receive the custom-ordered creampie from the Saotome bakery like she’d gotten the day before; the entire scheme for the slightly nymphomaniacal and voyeuristic blonde to get a free show fell into place.

To their credit, it took a good 20 minutes following her falling asleep before Clover felt the couch shift slightly.  It was a hell of a struggle to keep from smiling, lest she give away the game, or peek on her boyfriend and Alex to see what had happened, but the thrill of a front-row seat to another wild hump-off had Clover dripping wet as she heard Alex whisper huskily, “Ranma…”

Taking a half-second to peep between her eyelids, Clover caught the image of Alex looking Ranma in the eyes, her hands on his shoulders with her ass firmly planted on top of his left thigh, while his erection stuck up between her right leg and his stomach.  The blonde’s eyes closed again, the image she’d captured speaking volumes of the silent conversation the pair were having and she nearly whimpered with giddy anticipation as Ranma said in a very quiet voice, “Clover-chan would be mad.”

“Yeah…” Alex returned, a thickness in her voice Clover would have found unusual, save for the nearly identical way she’d spoken shortly before begging Ranma to stick his dick in her ‘just once’ in the locker room yesterday. “She would...but only if we...cheat…”

“If we did...even if we weren’t using each other, it’d still be cheating, Alex.”

A needy whimper slipped from the latina’s lips that almost made Clover sit up and order her boyfriend to fuck the holy ghost out of her friend as Alex whispered. “I knooowww….I just...I...want…”

A few seconds of silence passed.  Then the couch shifted again and Clover risked another peek, and she couldn't stop the smile that formed as Alex straddled Ranma’s waist and lined his dick up with her slit.  Clover didn't see the actual penetration, but the reedy gasp as from the pair as Alex sat down made it clear that Ranma was in as his arms slipped around the latina’s waist and he groaned, “Alex!”

“Cum in me!” Alex breathed as her hips started pumping, already working for her payoff while she whimpered. “Before she wakes up!  Do it quickly!  Give it to me!!”

Clover stifled a moan, but refused to stop her fingers from secretly sliding down to her groin as Alex latched her mouth against Ranma’s and sent her tongue dancing with his, while her ass jiggled with her efforts to make him give up the goods.  On the whole, the particular scene of the movie shedding light over their erotic coupling was far and away from Clover’s first choice, as an epic sword fight isn’t exactly a part that screams ‘hump like bunnies’.

But the blonde didn’t give a fuck about that, as the clashing blades and witty quips were overshadowed by the moans and whines of her lovers determinedly working for the same goal, which were steadily rising in pitch as the finish line neared and only drove the faux-sleeping girl closer to her own release as well.  Moments later, a mumbled warning from Ranma was met by an eager, anticipatory moan from Alex; and Clover bit her lip as Alex was pulled tightly onto Ranma’s lap and despite their attempt to muffle their voices using each other’s mouths, the two proclaimed his release loudly enough that had she really been sleeping, the blonde would definitely have woken up and caught them ‘cheating’.

Though if Clover had to be honest, had she truly fallen asleep and the first sight upon awakening was of Ranma and Alex frenching passionately with red cheeks, chests heaving as the latina’s hips involuntarily twitched and thrust onto his prick; she would have been more annoyed that they hadn’t included her in the fun then the act itself, or ironically enough, at least let her watch.

“So warm…” Alex moaned as her and Ranma’s lips parted, the two of them looking at each other through half-lidded, dulled eyes that would have made Clover think they were stoned, if not for the way her bestie cooed in Ranma’s ear. “Your cum feels so good in me…”

“It feels good to cum in you, Alex-chan.”

Clover bit her lip to keep from giggling along with Alex at the petname from their lover, while the latina murmured contentedly, “Yeah, but you can’t feel my pussy all the time, can you?  But I…” she licked Ranma’s upper-lip teasingly. “I felt you in me when I woke up this morning, and all through school.  A warm gooey spot in my cunny that made me feel so good…”

(Damn girl) Clover internally whistled, impressed and intensely aroused by Alex’s commentary.  Her hunger grew when Alex gave a soft, exaggerated gasp and she whispered coyly, “Oh?  You wanna make me all gooey again, Ranma?” and Clover nearly shot up off the couch as she realized that Ranma was somehow still hard.

“Y-yeah, I do, Alex.” Ranma affirmed with a nod.  Contrary to his words however, he grabbed her hips and gently lifted her up and off of his prick as he added,“But once was enough...for now.”

“I kn-” Alex gave a quiet gasp as his pole slipped free. “I know!  Not until Clover wakes up…” She sat down again, though from their lack of reaction, it was obvious to Clover that there wasn’t penetration now as her friend looked into Ranma’s eyes with sincere affection and devotion. “And that’s why I love you, Ranma.  By the way, Alex-chan sounds a little weird, so can you call me Alé-chan’ instead?”

Ranma’s brow furrowed as he asked, “Al-ay? Okay, but why?”

“Alex is short for Alexandra [Aléhandra],” Alex replied with a soft smile. “I think it rolls off the tongue, don’t you?”

“Alé-chan…” Ranma returned her smile as he nodded. “Yeah.  Yeah, it does.  Now, let’s keep quiet until Clover-chan wakes up, neh?”


“Why do you think when I ‘woke up’,” Clover asked the furiously blushing Alex with a wide smile. “I said we should all take a shower, and immediately started ‘cleaning your kitty’?” the blonde lewdly drew her tongue across her lips and smacked them for emphasis. “You and Ranma really compliment each other, by the way.”

“Oh my Gaaawwwddd…” Alex shook her head, covering her reddened cheeks with her hands as she moaned, “I can’t believe you were watching us!  Clover, I swear I would have told you-”

“But you didn’t want to me to get angry and call a halt to the party?” Clover cocked an eyebrow imperiously while Alex looked down shamefacedly. “I’ll admit, you weren’t totally grasping at straws there, but if you and Ranma make a regular point of ‘not-cheating’ like that, we are gonna have words.”

“I'm sorry…”

“Don't be sorry, be safe.” Clover said with a not insignificant amount of concern. “I know it feels awesome for you when he doesn't pull out, but you need to be careful so you don't have an ‘oops’ moment, or you and Ranma will really be fucked.”

Alex nodded quickly, her wide, fearful eyes speaking volumes about the idea of ended up with a starring roll in 16 and pregnant, even if she was 2 years past the cut off mark.

“Then again,” Clover tapped her chin with a faux thoughtful expression. “You could probably come up with something to compensate for that, if last nights little ‘sharing session’ was any indication.”

Alex’s fear was washed away by a wave of embarrassment as Clover smiled wickedly at her bestie’s crimson cheeks and purred, “Seriously, you’ve got a bit of a kinky streak, Alex!  I’ve never would have thought of something like that.”

-12:40 A.M.-

Alex whimpered as Ranma thrust, her toes curling as he bottomed out inside her pussy, grinding her clit against his groin.  When he withdrew, she moaned in disappointment as his crown brushed past her labia.

“Yes!” Clover gasped breathlessly as she was impaled on Ranma’s meat, his girth spreading her open anew as his hips slapped against her waist.  Then he pulled back and while she felt a flash of needy desire, the anticipation more than made up for it as she looked over her shoulder and called out, “Almost there, baby?!”

“Y-yeah!” Ranma grunted as he dropped his hips, repositioning his rod from the blonde’s dripping slit to the mocha-skinned girl pinned underneath her as he pushed forward, once again digging a tunnel in Alex’s box. “I’m close!”

Feeling Alex’s body quake, the warmth of her groin and the jiggle of her breasts transferring to Clover’s due to their bodies being pressed together, the blonde looked down into her besty’s dulled hazel eyes and cooed seductively, “Let the best woman win!” before ducking her head down to lock lips with Alex as Ranma pulled out of the mocha-skinned girl again.

Round three had been 2 hours of bliss, with both girls being given the ultimate in backstage passes to the Nerima Rodeo and singing Ranma’s praises in english and orgasm-ese several times before agreeing that enough was enough, not merely due to their own exhaustion and the late hour, but because Ranma had been holding himself back to the point of blue-balling himself, and Clover was not going to spoil the best fuck session she’d ever had by leaving her man high and dry.  Alex had naturally agreed with her, but to the blonde’s shock, had made a suggestion for a position where they could still ‘share’ Ranma, without needing to involve their mouths into the equation.

And so it was, Clover was on her knees and laying on top of Alex, groin-to-groin, chest-to-chest while using her legs as a brace to prop Alex’s legs wide open, leaving both their sexes ready for business with only an inch or two of clearance between them.  However, while Alex had suggested that Ranma should use the both of them to stimulate himself by sliding his prick through the gap between their body's and letting his dick be ‘kissed’ by their nether lips, Clover had upped the ante by adjusting their fun to a form of Russian roulette where Ranma would alternate between them until he blew his load.  The idea of being creampied again as opposed to having to clean a very sticky fluid off of her stomach and chest appealed to Alex greatly, and she’d agreed immediately.

And now, coming down to the wire, Ranma was warring with himself from both the desire to cum, and the need to hold back, if for no other reason than to figure out who he should declare the victor of their game, even though the real winner would be him. (C-Clover-chan’s my girlfriend!)

The blonde let out an exaggerated cry of pleasure.

(But Alex was so desperate and adorable!)

The latina moaned his name.

(I need to make it up to Clover!  For-) Ranma gasped as his wrinkled sack pressed against his girlfriend’s sensitive nub. (-For cheating on her!  But Alex-) He gritted his teeth when his first lover’s slightly tighter and more eager sex pulled at him. (-it feels so GOOD for her!  I can’t decide!)

While Ranma’s brain was in a stalemate, his body issued a coup d'etat and took the dilemma into it’s own hands, as he’d pulled out of Alex and once again sank into Clover’s buttery smooth folds while casting his eyes downward.

Due to having ready access to a pair of breasts whenever he wanted, Ranma was slightly immunized to the effect of them, save for the truly magnificent ones.  Not having many reasons to easily examine his cursed form in a full-length mirror however, meant Ranma had a special appreciation for a woman’s backside and he realized this the moment he was half-way into Clover’s channel, watching as his rod disappeared in the nirvana just underneath her smooth creamy cheeks.

The debate ended in favor of the girl who’d started him down this path to a meaningful, sexually satisfying relationship, and Ranma let out a groan of relief and release as he pulled her hips hard and planted her ass against his waist with a smack, his body jerking as the load that had been making his balls ache slightly for the last half-hour was blown inside Clover’s wet and willing quim.  One, two, three forceful spurts were sprayed inside the blonde who squealed in giddy pleasure as his dick throbbed and hardened in her sex.  Then he heard Alex give a heartfelt, disappointed moan and felt a flash of guilt, which soon offered up an immediate way to rectify that situation.

Having gotten more than a bit of practice with the build-up of their little game, Ranma managed to slip from Clover’s box and bury himself inside Alex without losing any errant sailors, and let the pressure of the latina’s squeezing velvet glove coaxed out the remainder of his load, aided by her mewling cries of ecstasy as his seed formed a gooey wad in her core that she would feel for several days afterwards.

He thrust weakly against Alex, feeling her walls massage and squeeze his prick appreciatively while Clover looked over her shoulder and pouted at him. “Ranma, why’d you pull out?  I was enjoying that!”

Ranma chuckled weakly as his release petered out, having been successfully milked dry by his dual lovers.  The order was finally given to stand down, and slowly pulled out of Alex as he said, “Sorry, Clover-chan...Alex sounded so sad-” He hissed when his softened piece slid from the latina’s hole. “-So I kind of...shared?”

Clover pursed her lips and hummed in disapproval, which was a hell of an act for her to pull off as excess jizz leaked out of her pussy and ran over her clit, which brought some very pleasant tingles across her groin as she asked pointedly, “And I suppose you would have done the same if Alex had won?”

Ranma sat down, spreading his legs as he leaned back on his hands and assumed a relaxed, breath-catching posture. “Umm, yes?  I mean, if you sounded like she did-”

“Relax, Rrranma.” Clover rolled the R a little and winked at him. “I know you would have, and it makes you a total sweetheart.”

“Yeah it does…” Alex moaned with a sappy smile, her eyes drooping as the ‘warm milk’ she'd gotten quickly took her to dreamland.

Clover and Ranma chuckled as the exhausted latina’s eye closed and her breathing steadied, prompting Clover to give her friend a gentle peck on the lips and say affectionately, “She’s so adorable.  Like a well-fucked angel.”

Ranma laughed again and slowly turned towards the edge of the bed while tossing out, “Be right back, Clover.”

“Going to freshen up?” Clover asked teasingly as she rolled onto her side and cuddled up next to Alex.

“And get something to clean up a bit.” He replied with a smile. “So none of us are sleeping in a wet spot.” Clover stared at him for a second, which earned her a curious “What's wrong?” From her beau.

“Just wondering what I must have done in a past life to get you as a boyfriend.” Clover replied with an intense, studious expression. “Cause right now, I think I might have been a pope or a nobel peace prize winner or something.”

Ranma laughed at that, and gave her a wide, loving smile. “Clover-chan, trust me; if anyone should be wondering how they managed to get so lucky, it's me.”

As he stepped out the door, Clover quickly wiped away the small tear that had formed before reaching up and lightly tapping Alex’s cheek.  The latina’s eyes fluttered as she was pulled back to the land of the living and looked blearily at her friend.

“Wait for Ranma to get back, so we can cuddle with him.” Clover said as she gave Alex a soft smile.

Alex grinned sleepily, and murmured, “Okay, Clover…”

Soon enough, Ranma returned with a few towels and wiped up as much of the mess that had been made by the trio, earning him a few appreciative murmurs from his lovers before the soiled cloth was deposited in his hamper and he crawled in between the Alex and Clover.

While laying on a bed with a beautiful naked woman curled up on either side of him should have had Ranma’s heart pounding with hormones or fear from the possibility of being caught by one of the members of his old life’ instead, Ranma listened to the soft breathing of the two girls, felt their warm breaths against his chest as they snored quietly, and a sense of contentment and peace settled over him such as he’d never felt before.  Moments after the thought of how much he loved his life at that moment, Ranma followed Alex and Clover into dreamland.


“It was...just something I read…” Alex murmured ashamedly.

“Really?  Care to enlighten me?” Clover pursed her lips in annoyance as Alex vigorously shook her head.  Rather than press the issue, a different idea jumped to Clover’s mind and she gave her friend a quizzical look. “Speaking of information, mind telling me what you were doing when you disappeared earlier?  You almost missed the big finish!”

Alex’s expression morphed into one of ‘serious business’, which was far from the reaction Clover had expected as the latina met her eye and replied, “I was doing a bit of spy work.  And…”

-5:46 A.M.-

Ranma groaned, his head lolled back as the warm water of his shower flowed across his burning body, and sending motes of light rippling over Alex and Clover’s naked bodies as the two girls kneeled in front of him and used their mouths to pleasure his shaft.

Alex’s tongue briefly touched against Clovers as the blonde passed her by, heading towards Ranma’s sack while Alex was heading for the swollen head of his prick, the two of them licking half of the underside of Ranma’s cock with long, dragging strokes.  Finding herself wanting to renew that contact, Alex moved back and met up with Clover again, and quickly matched the blondes movements.  Clover’s eyes sparkled while she gently flicked the tip of her tongue against Alex’s, which the latina returned, bringing a pleasured hiss from Ranma as both their movements were felt through his prick.  With a giggle, Clover pulled back and said, “Like, this is the perfect way to end a date!  I always wanted to see if I could make a guy cum like this!”

Alex cocked and eyebrow quizzically while keeping her mouth firmly affixed to Ranma’s shaft, wondering if she could check the boy’s pulse through the vein throbbing against her tongue.

“Well yeah, I've never been in a threesome before.” Clover smiled mischievously at Alex. “And I bet I can turn it into a foursome before long, eh?”

Alex giggled cutely, which sent Ranma’s head spinning from the vibrations through his loins as well as the idea that anyone could sound that adorable with a mouthful of dick. “Doubt it, Clover.” Alex returned teasingly, giving Ranma a peck on his ridge even as she kept her mouth unoccupied enough to talk, for the most part.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Clover feigned a sigh of despair as she cast her baby-blue eyes towards Ranma’s face in an exaggerated pout. “I guess you and I will have to show this poor stud the kind of treatment real girls should have been giving him.”

Alex and Ranma laughed lightly at that, when a thoughtful expression came to Alex’s face.  It was gone before Ranma could see it, but not Clover as she gave her fellow cocksucker a curious look.  Alex met Clover’s expression with a subtle headshake before smiling up at Ranma and saying, “Hold on a minute, okay guys?  I just realized my mom was supposed to call me, and I need to check my phone.”

Ranma, panting for air, managed to cover-up his disappointment as he nodded and said, “Okay, Alé-chan, that’s fine.”

“Well not for me!” Clover gave a genuine pout to her lover before side-eyeing Alex and saying in a semi-serious tone. “Don’t expect me to wait too long for you.  If he pops and you’re not here, I’m not gonna share.”

Taking the hint to do whatever she had planned as quickly as possible, Alex blushed and said, “I’ll be quick!” Before stepping out of the shower, not even taking the extra time to towel off.

As she left the room, Clover murmured, “Girl needs to prioritize…” before looking back to Ranma’s cyclops and licking her lips sultrily. “Thankfully, I don’t have that problem.”

“Clover-chan, wait.” Ranma breathed as he looked down at her with a regretful grimace. “Just be patient, Alex will get back soon.”

“Like, duh Ranma.” Clover smirked up at him. “What did you think I was gonna do?  Give you the vacuum treatment while she was gone?”

A corner of his mouth quirked up. “The thought occurred to me, yeah.”

Clover gasped in faux shock and appall. “Why, I would never do something like that!  Guzzling your spunk before my best friend can taste a drop?  What do you think I am, a cock-hungry slut?!”

Ranma swallowed loudly, suddenly nervous, even though a part of him was fairly-almost-please god-sure that she was joking as he said, “N-no, I don’t think you’re-”

“Oh, wrong answer, Ranma.” Clover’s outrage vanished like a light-switch being thrown and she grinned wickedly at him. “Cause I know I’m a cock-hungry slut, and you wouldn’t have me any other way.  But...” Her eyes flicked to his manhood and her smile widened. “I can always show you what it would be like if I was cock-tease.”

The blonde had to fight back the urge to giggle at the expression on her lover’s face as she lowered her mouth back onto his dick.

In Ranma’s room, Alex was carefully looking through drawers, boxes, and anything else she could think of for information on Ranma Saotome.  The memory of Sam’s headache and Donna’s statements regarding Ranko Saotome had given Alex the idea to do some hands-on spying, looking for anything that would confirm (or deny) the siblings story.

Hearing Ranma’s increasingly loud groans from the bathroom brought a flush to Alex’s face and her chest, inwardly cursing Clover for putting her on a timetable and praying she found something quickly.  Her prayers were answered when she opened Ranma’s closet and found another box which was already opened.  The sheen of light reflecting off of something on top of the pile o’ stuff in the box made Alex offer a brief prayer in hopes she found something, before she crouched down and reached inside.

The latina frowned as she looked at what she’d pulled out.  It was a picture frame and within was a large family photo, though instead of Ranma and his family, it was Ranko with other people.  She blinked a few times as she registered the sight of a panda standing on its hind legs at the back of the group, but as nobody in the picture looked particularly disturbed or frightened, she wrote it off as a an unusual pet before focusing on the family itself.

Ranko was front and center, wearing a red and black Chinese silk shirt and pants combo, smiling confidently.  Next to her was a girl with short-cut blue hair in a yellow sundress, who was also smiling at the camera, but in a far less prideful manner.  Behind her were 2 more girls and a man.  One of the girls, a brunette with a pony-tail, cut the very image of ‘suzie-homemaker’, wearing a yellow dress, white apron and a serene smile.  The other one wear wearing white shorts and an orange T-shirt, her light brown hair in a page-boy cut and an amused smile on her face, although there was a gleam of something cold and hard in the depths of her eyes that made Alex tense for some reason.  And lastly, there was a 40-something man had straight black hair that hung a little past his shoulders and a mustache, and he was wearing a rumpled black karate gi.  All told, it looked like quite a homey scene.

Except, Ranko’s bitter, emotionally fragile voice echoed in Alex’s mind. (‘An old training partner with three daughters.’) she mused as she studied the girls in question. (Definitely sisters, and from what Ranko said, ‘Akane’ has a really bad temper.  The apron girl looks too nice to be a hothead, and…) Alex shivered as she looked at the other brunette. (She kinda looks like she’d make Mandy seem cute and cuddly.  So that leaves…)

Alex focused on the bluenette, memorizing her features and frowning as she noticed similarities between herself and the possible ex-fiancé of the boy who’d deflowered her.  Who was currently in the other room and being sucked off by her best friend.

Alex blushed and quickly noted down what she could about the family before carefully putting the picture frame back in the box in the same spot where she’d found it, then turned around and headed back to the bathroom before Clover ‘finished up’.

She sighed in relief as she walked inside the bathroom, seeing Clover’s head in front of Ranma’s groin, who didn’t look like he’d peaked yet.  But the way he was gasping made it clear he was getting there as he saw Alex and helplessly moaned her name.  She grinned as she opened the door to the shower, seeing that Ranma’s nob was between Clover’s lips and chirpily declared, “Thanks for waiting!”

As Alex kneeled down next to her, Clover ran her tongue against Ranma’s slit for a final time and gave him a wink, having satisfied herself between Alex’s disappearance and return by playing a variation of rock-paper-scissors with Ranma’s dick which could be dubbed, lips-tongue-mouth.  When she used her lips, it was entirely too-chaste pecks along his shaft.  Her tongue would only flick certain sensitive spots around his head and ridge; and when he was in her mouth, all she would do is pant heavily and bathe his cap in her warm breath while her tongue and lips teasingly kept their distance.

“Like, good timing, Alex.” Clover replied teasingly. “Cause he’s about to pop, and we need to finish up with a bang before we go.”

Alex smiled at her more devious and free-spirited friend. “Alright then, do you want me to share?”

“Not this time,” Clover called teasingly as she stood up.  Ranma and Alex looked curiously at the blonde as she leaned against her boyfriend’s chest and ran her fingers around his groin and the base of his shaft in slow, sensual rubs. “See, most guy’s would kill for what Ranma got to do tonight.  It’s like something out of a porn-flick.” Clover looked down at Alex, her smile stretching from ear-to-ear as she purred, “So let’s end it with a good old-fashioned money-shot.”

Ranma looked confused, while Alex blushed bright red and her eyes darted Clover’s face to Ranma’s manhood and back again. “What are you talking about, Clover-chan?”

Clover winked and suddenly grabbed his shaft, making the pigtailed boy gasp as her tight grip contrasted with the softness of her fingers as she purred, “It’s called a facial, stud.”

While ignorant on the first slang term Clover had used, Ranma could easily infer what she wanted from the second and he let out a groan as she started squeezing his prick, moving her hand along his shaft in slow, deliberate movements while the barrel of his gun was pointed directly at the wide-eye’d and red-faced Alex, who whispered, “C-Clover...that’s a little…”

“We’re in the shower,” Clover said without taking her eyes off of Ranma’s face, being an old hand (heh) at handjobs and not needing to see what she was doing as she pre-emptively countered Alex’s arguments. “You didn’t think cum would taste good until you tried it, and it’ll just be a one-time thing if you don’t like it.” Looking down at her friend, Clover gave Alex a smirk as she added, “It’s just like grade-school, Alex.  Open your mouth and close your eyes, and you’re gonna get a creamy surprise!”

Alex’s blush deepened, feeling strangely weirded out by the idea of Ranma shooting off onto her face.  But when she considered how much of his stuff had gone in and on her until now, having a guy cum on her face seemed like a foregone conclusion.  With that in mind, she did as Clover asked and braced herself for the impact.

The sight of Alex’s face in front of his ready-to-burst dick, waiting for him to coat her adorably sensual features with his seed made Ranma gasp as the flood walls began to crack.  Feeling his prick swell in her hand, Clover giggled, “He’s there, Alex!  Tilt your head back, and make sure to keep your eyes closed!”

Alex’s eyes scrunched up, which only enhanced the strange mix of cute and sexual as she exposed more of her face to Ranma’s view, her mouth open and her tongue hanging out in preparation for his release.  Then Clover moved in close, her breath hot against his ear as she purred, “Give it to her, baby.  Cum…”

Ranma’s hips bucked, slightly throwing off Clover’s aim as his first shot nailed Alex in the upper lip, making her flinch as a dollop of jism dangled over her waiting throat while a thick string of goo ran next to her nose and reached almost all the way up to her right eye.  Clover kept an eye on the proceedings while she continued to hiss encouragement to Ranma, using his cock as a paintbrush to spread his off-white load across her co-lover’s features.  By the end of it, Alex’s cheeks, the bridge of her nose and her chin were coated in sticky goo, while Clover wrang out the last few drops onto the latina’s slightly frosted tongue.

Ranma was gasping, staring in disbelief at the girl he’d just painted like picket fence as she made a questioning sound without changing her pose.

“All done!” Clover said cheerfully. “And you look totally hot right now, Alex!”

What little of Alex's cheeks that could be seen under Ranma’s spunk reddened.

“Anyway, I’ll help you clean up,” Clover added as she kneeled down next to her unmoving friend.  Leaning in close, she stage-whispered so Alex and Ranma could both hear; “Cause that's my share.  Everything that's in your mouth or left in his dick is your share.”

Ranma barely had a chance to moan before Alex tossed her head back and drank what was in her mouth in one swallow, and then leaned forward and took Ranma’s not-quite-deflated prick into her mouth and began sucking forcefully.  His legs shook as he found himself on the receiving end of the ‘twisting-snake-finds-a-pearl’ technique, or some variant of same as his too-sensitive post orgasmic dick was being put through a vigorous workout that made it hard for him to breath from the mixture of ecstasy and agony Alex was putting him through.

Neither Alex or Clover realized it, as the former was too busy concentrating on getting her share of Ranma’s load while she carefully and sensually lapped up the streams of semen from Alex’s face, but the latina’s quick and demanding sucking brought the vulnerable boy to release again.  However, the actions of the night before coupled with the back-to-back blowjobs thinned out the mixture by quite a lot and Alex simply moaned happily as Ranma’s cock weakly twitched in her gob and deposited what she assumed was a decent amount of ‘post-release’ jism onto her tongue, which she gulped down quickly while Ranma tried not to faint dead away.


“So you know that they look like?”

Alex nodded, her face set in a serious line. “Yeah, enough that I could definitely spot any of them if I had to.”

Clover looked to the road ahead, lost in thought as she mused aloud. “With how hard Ranko was crying, Ranma probably feels the same way…” the blond frowned as she added, “Not sure I like him having a picture of his ex in his closet.”

“Clover, he probably cared about her a lot, even though…” Alex broke off and sighed heavily. “It’s probably just to remind him of the good times, since he knows he can’t go back.”

Clover hummed noncommittally before giving Alex a curious look. “Does that have anything to do with that ronin thing you mentioned?”

“Yeah.” Alex nodded, looking a little more serious as she said, “It comes from samurai, and it means he’s been disowned by his family.  Which is a pretty big deal in Japan.”

“It’s a pretty big deal in America too.”

Alex gave her friend a flat look. “It’s a little more serious in Japan.  Just as an example; the proper way to say someone’s name is their family name first and their given name second, and if someone introduces themselves with their given name alone, it’s practically a billboard sign saying, ‘I did something so bad, my own family couldn’t stand to have me around.’.”

Clover blinked at that, frowning slightly before saying, “Wow...that explains why he came here, huh?”

“He definitely stand out more if he just ran to a different part of Japan.”

“Especially because, nice he may be, but Ranma didn’t think to do more to change his name than shorten, ‘Ranma Saotome’ to ‘Ron Sato’.” Clover pursed her lips for a moment, then straightened her back and said casually, “Well, good thing he’s got us around to take care of him, right Alex?”

“Right.” Alex nodded in affirmation, before smiling and saying, “And if we convince Sammy that Ranma’s not a bad guy, then we’ll have her to help out too!”

“It’s like the three musketeers!” Clover agreed with a wide grin as she reached into her purse and said, “I’ll send her a message to meet us at school-”

Clover stopped dead as she looked at her phone, the little green-and-white box of a message she’d received sometime last night looking up at her, making the blonde’s breath catch in her throat as the words resolutely burned into her mind.

Alex felt a flash of worry as Clover stared at her phone, looking for all intents and purposes like she’d just seen a ghost. “Clover?  What’s wrong?”

The blonde slowly lifted her eyes away from the device in her hand, and met Alex’s gaze with an utterly bewildered expression as she passed her phone to her friend.  Alex’s eyes flicked down to Clover’s phone, and then she did a double take as she read eleven words that sent a shot of pure ice into her gut like she’d swallowed an ice cube.

[Britney’s been compromised and so are you.  You’re off the mission.]


Ranma sighed as he shook himself out, straightening the sleeves to the blue silk shirt he was wearing as he readied himself for school.  While he was somewhat frustrated by the lack of sleep and the idea of attending school in such a state, the memories of the thoroughly unbelievable night more than made up for any exhaustion.  Even now, he cast a few prayers heavenwards, both in gratitude, but also begging for whatever deity who would listen to protect his two lovers from the wrath of the fiancé brigade.

As he walked along his carpet, he paused as his foot was suddenly damp, with no real explanation.  Looking down, he spotted a small, nearly indistinguishable wet spot in the dark carpet and uttered a soft, “Nani?” As he crouched down.  After a few experimental prods, he judged the size and shape to be about the size of his hand and roughly a slim, slightly curved oval.  Or in other words, a footprint.

He blinked, thinking on when someone could have been in his room while dripping wet when the answer hit him and he whispered, “Alé-chan?” before looking around, noticing a trail of similarly dark spots leading to his bedroom door.  But the other end of the trail stopped at his closet.

Ranma’s eyes widened, and he slowly walked over to his closet, hoping futilely that he was wrong, even as he opened the door and saw that the cardboard box which contained a few belongings of his old life had been disturbed.  It wasn’t much, barely anything that would be noteworthy or written off as poor memory, but to a certain on-the-run pigtailed boy who was justifiably paranoid, it was a neon sign declaring that someone had been snooping around.

Swallowing nervously, Ranma opened the box and lifted out the picture frame of he, the Tendo’s and his father, and carefully inspected the contents within.  After a few minutes, he breathed a sigh of relief to see that Alex hadn’t disturbed the few bars of waterproof soap, instant Jusenkyo packets, scrolls of martial techniques, or worse; leafed through his father’s training journal as that would effectively curbstomp his new life and leave him with nothing but shame.

Slowly, Ranma returned the picture frame to the box, but paused for a moment as he caught sight of the people within.  As his eye’s traveled to each of the Tendo’s and his father, he heard their voices in his head, or rather, what he thought their reactions would be if they knew what he’d done.

“Boy!  How dare you betray your fiancé!?”


“Ranma-kun!  Really, I thought better of you than this!”

“Ooh, this is quite a pickle you’re in, isn’t it?  Tell you what though, I’ll take 20,000 yen for every person you don’t want to find out about this, and we can negotiate a new price next week.”

“Ranma!  Y-you CHEATER!  I always knew you would go behind my back!!”

(No.) Ranma shook his head as he looked into the smiling face of his former fiancé, frowning as his eyes blurred with unshed tears. (You assumed I’d cheat on you, and made sure everyone believed I was waitin’ for the chance to go behind your back.) he slowly set the picture frame in the box and added bitterly, (Looks like you were right, but now I don’t feel bad about it-)

He stopped, unable to believe he’d thought something so mean about Akane while the picture frame was still in his hand.  He looked at the bluenette again, frozen in a happy smile he’d seen very rarely in the last several months, and almost never stuck around when he noticed it.  The pigtailed boy thought about what he’d shared with Alex and Clover.  Not just physically, but emotionally as he recalled the affection, the trust he had in them, even as he wondered why Alex had been looking through his personal belongings.

“My name’s Akane.  Do you want to be friends?”

Ranma sniffled as his eyes burned, and he quickly wiped away the traitorous droplets that had tried to escape down his cheeks before setting the picture down and whispering regretfully, “It should have been you…” before closing the box, and getting up to go to school.


Sam sat at the table in the lecture hall, an utterly non-plussed expression on her face as she rested her chin on the back of her hands, propped up by her elbows while she waited for the professor to start the lesson.  When a pair of familiar voices called her name, the redhead merely looked over as Clover and Alex not-quite ran up to her, the pair looking shocked and horrified while she regarded them both with a cold expression.

“Sammy, what the hell is going on!?” Clover whispered furiously. “Me and Alex aren’t compromised!”

“Really?” Samantha looked away from the pair and focused on the blackboard again. “Cause I don’t see it that way, considering how you two are acting like a couple of groupies.”

“Sammy, It’s not like that!” Alex says in a pleading tone. “Ranma’s a nice guy who helped me!  And I said I was sorry!”


“Sam,” Clover hissed angrily. “If you don’t gimme a good reason why you think we’re compromised, besides wanting to prove that the absolute sweetheart Britney gave us bad intel on isn’t some kinda supervillain, I’m calling Jerry and telling him to give you some kind of psychological evaluation, because there is something wrong with your head!”

Now Sam showed emotion as she shot Clover an outraged look, while Alex fearfully whispered, “Clover!” as she looked worriedly between her two friends.

After a moment of waiting for her twitching eye to subside, Sam replied in a low, thick voice, “Britney put up a ‘last resort’ WOOHP computer virus that keeps everyone from looking up anything that she doesn’t want them too, which is why I couldn’t confirm anything about the story Ranma told you two.”

“She what?” Alex gasped in shock while Clover narrowed her eyes in confusion.

“The only reason I can think of for Britney to do something like that is because she’s trying to help Ranma.  And if he managed to get Britney to cover for him so he could come to America, there’s no guarantee that anything she sent us or told you two is accurate.”

“Sammy, you heard his sister!” Alex pleaded with wet eyes. “They were being used by their monster of a father and they’re terrified of going back!”

“Did you think Britney got Ranma out of Japan cause she felt sorry for him?!” Clover demanded. “It makes a lot more sense than him brainwashing her, or whatever the hell you think he did to make her help him!”

“Then why would she tell WOOHP that he was a terrorist!?” Sam shot back, carefully keeping her voice low as more students began trickling in. “If she wanted him protected, she would have told us to guard him!  For all we know, that evidence was the last thing she sent out before his gang caught her!”

“Sammy, would you listen to yourself!?”

“No, you are going to listen.” Sam said icily, surprising her besties with the seriousness of her tone and the way her eyes hardened into stones like the emeralds they resembled. “The only reason I haven't told Jerry to take you off this mission yet, is because I want you two to see just what kind of man Ranma Saotome really is with your own two eyes.  You have one chance to straighten up and do your jobs before you put everyone at risk because of some misguided crush!”



“But before I’ll even consider keeping Jerry out of this,” Sam finished with a grim look at her two friends, who wore matching expressions of shock. “You are going to prove to me that Ranma hasn't done something to utterly brainwash you, capice?”



Ranma stopped and smiled, turning around to see Clover standing behind him, the other students of Bev High parting around them as he asked, “What's up, Clover-chan?”

Clover lowered her eyes, hiding her expression from Ranma, which made him tilt his head quizzically until she softly whispered. “I'm sorry…”

“Eh?  Sorry for what?”

She looked up, and Ranma was stunned to see tears in her eyes.  Before he could ask however, she said five words that stopped him cold.

“We have to break up.”

In a moment, everything around him faded away.  He didn't see the lockers, the students, the school itself or anything else except the sorrowful blonde in front of him.  His heart pounding in his ears, Ranma whispered, “B-break up!?” in disbelief and shock. “Why?!  How!?!”

Clover choked back tears, hearing the absolute horror on her beau’s face and she wavered under Sam’s demand for a moment, before the steeled her resolve and remembered what was at stake.  Though it was less the fact that Ranma really might be some kind of criminal mastermind, and more the look on Samantha’s face when she was proven wrong and how Clover was going to rub it in when it happened.  As angry as the blonde was with her friend at the moment, she wasn’t entirely dismissing the idea of re-consummating her and Ranma’s relationship right on the redheads bed once he was in the clear.

“I’m sorry, Ron.” Clover went on with genuine sorrow, hating what she had to tell the sweetheart she was being forced to stick on the sidelines. “But, I can’t tell you why right now...and it’s pretty obvious how-”

“Clover-chan, what’d I do!?” Ranma stepped forward, desperation apparent in his voice and tone as he pleaded, “Why are you breaking up with me?!  What’d I do wrong!?”

At that, Clover’s face twisted in a scowl and Ranma backed up a step, expecting an unholy tirade from his girlfriend, before she leaned forward and grabbed his chin in her hand, pinching it painfully between her fingers as she locked eyes with him.

“You listen to me right now, Ron Sato.” Clover intoned angrily. “You have done nothing wrong and don’t you dare apologize to me.  This is a shitty situation, but it is a temporary one and the second it’s over, I’m taking you on a week-long rodeo that will go down in history.”

Grimacing slightly at the harder than expected grip from his girlfriend, which said something as he’d dealt with pain far more debilitating than what he thought the blonde american could possibly subject him to, Ranma nonetheless felt a wave of relief, but also a fair bit of confusion as he asked, “But, if I didn’t do anything wrong, why are we breaking up?”

Clover sighed heavily. “It’s...complicated, Ron.” Before she lit him up with a sad smile. “ patient and wait for me, okay?  I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Ranma nodded. “Okay, Clover-chan.  I promise.”

As he turned away, Clover internally raged and thought determinedly, (You’ll see, Sammy.  I’ll prove to you that Ron isn’t a bad guy.)

-W.O.O.H.P. HQ-

Jerry idly flipped through a few reports from his field agents, puzzling over their findings in various missions and investigations when a digitized feminine voice slightly above his head said, “Jerry, I have a message for you.”

“Oh?” The gray-haired man turned and regarded the M&M shaped piece of technology that housed his super-computer assistant. “Regarding what?”

“The medical team watching over Myrna Beesbottom has deconstructed a bit of the chemical compound that was used to incapacitate her, and are working on synthesizing an antidote right now.”

Jerry’s eyes widened and he smiled in relief. “Thank goodness!  I can’t tell you how bad it would have been if she’d remained in such a state for much longer.  When will the antidote be ready?”

“The team isn’t sure,” G.L.A.D.I.S. replied in a semi-simulated apologetic tone.  “But they believe it will be several more weeks before they can safely perform a complete purge of her system.  However, they believe they can make a ‘suppressant’ that will mitigate the effects and possibly aid Beesbottom in recovering from the chemical on her own.”

Jerry thought about that, though it didn’t take much time for him to run through the possibilities as he said, “Tell them to go ahead with the suppressant.  The sooner we can speak to her, the better, and we don’t know what will happen if she’s pulled out of her fugue state too quickly.”

“Yes, Jerry.” Before the spymaster could turn back to his report however, the computerized assistant added, “Also, the medical team would like to let you know that the bonding agent they identified is from an unusual strain of the Rosa Atra Rosoideae.”

The older man blinked. “A rose?  Someone used a rose to make the chemical?”

“That is correct, Jerry.”

Jerry thought for a moment, his brow furrowing before he looked up at the machine hanging from his wall and asked, “How long will it be till the suppressant is ready?”

“A few days.”

“Alright then.” Jerry nodded firmly. “Tell me the moment it’s finished, so I can talk to Beesbottom.”


Clover wanted many things.  Purses, clothes, a good deep dicking.

But there was nothing she wanted at the moment than to scream in unbridled fury and outrage, with a close second being given to break down in tears.

It started simple enough.  Wednesday morning, two days after her break-up with Ron/Ranma, she’d flipped on the spy cam for a bit of self-love in lieu of being with her beau.

When she saw HER in Ranma’s bed.

Ranko Saotome, Ranma Saotome’s supposed sister was in his bed, fast asleep and buck-naked save for a pair of boxer shorts.

She brushed aside the question of why the redhead was wearing boxers in favor of what the FUCK the girl who supposedly didn’t live with her older brother was doing in his bed, with the sheets tousled like she’d been tossing and turning in her sleep.  Or had been getting worked over by the stud semi-ex boyfriend of Clover’s.

The blonde had been in shock and numbed to what she was seeing, only dimly registering when the redhead had awoken and made her way to Ranma’s bathroom.  But then she’d heard something that made her heart fall through the floor, emanating from the now closed bathroom door.

The sounds of a feminine voice in the throes of ecstasy.

The words were inaudible, but unnecessary as she didn’t need to hear the girl who had supposedly been related to her beau screaming his name in gratitude to know that’s what was happening.  While the sounds of bliss had faded after 10 minutes, the shower had lasted for another 10 and throughout it all, Clover’s heart ached and she whimpered pleadingly, “Please...please no.  He can’t...he couldn’t have...he promised me-”

And then the door opened.

And Ranma walked out, with a bathtowel around his waist and a smile on his face.

In that second, Clover’s heart broke.

But in the next second, pulled itself back together.  But the pieces had stitched themselves back together into a muscle composed of pure anger and outrage as she whispered.

You son of a BITCH.”


Sam blinked as she looked at her phone, having gotten a text from Clover just as she was sitting down for breakfast.  When she looked at it, the redhead felt a simultaneous sense of elation and dread at the words [You were right.  Ron is a bad guy] from her best friend.



Ranma blinked, and smiled as he turned around.

Only to nearly be spun back around by the force of the slap that had been delivered onto his face, prompting him to cry out in pain as Clover glared balefully at him and shouted, “ bastard!  How could you do that to me!?!”

“OW!” Ranma shouted before looking back to his irate not-ex, while those around the pair watched in interest, as this sort of drama usually saved itself for off-campus shenanigans. “Clover-chan!?  What was that for!?”

“Don’t you ‘chan’ me you cheating asshole!” Clover snarled furiously, not caring who heard her, and in fact taking a bit of vindictive delight in outting a philanderer to the student populace at large. “I thought you were a good guy!  I thought I could trust you!  But you stab me in the back by sticking it to that slut redhead who came with you from Japan!?!”

NANI!?!” Ranma gaped in shock, unable to believe what he was hearing. “Ranko!?  Clover-cha-”

Her eyes flashed and her hand twitched as she fought to urge to slap him again.

“Clover, what are you talking about!?” He amended quickly as he cupped his throbbing cheek. “Ranko is my sister!  That’s impossible-”

“Yeah?” Clover hissed angrily, “Then why the fuck was she sleeping in your bed, Ron?  Most brothers and sisters grow out of that shit when they’re 5!”

Ranma balked at that, wondering where she was getting this information from.

Except, he realized that he had slept in girl form the night before.  But Clover shouldn’t have known that unless…

Ranma’s eyes hardened suddenly, and he straightened up, locking eyes with Clover and meeting her ‘spurned woman’ expression with one of cold suspicion. “Clover...have you been watching me?”

Clover, remembering what Samantha had said about Britney being compromised, Ranma’s connections to a possible terrorist group, and now giving both those idea’s more weight, wilted just a little before snapping out, “What are you talking about!?  It’s obvious-”

Ranma’s eyes flashed angrily.  While still obtuse regarding most social situations, if there was one thing he could catch, it was when someone was dodging a question, doubly so if the perpetrator was a girl.  Memories whirling through his head of a manipulative faux-bimbo and a sociopathic page-cut brunette making him see red, Ranma spat, “Bullshit!  You have been spying on me!” Outraged at the violation of his privacy, his lips curled in disgust, Ranma shook his head and muttered, “I can’t believe this.  Everywhere I go, it’s like I attract the worst women in a 20 mile radius.  Except this time, I actually trusted one of them!”

Clover froze, her eyes wide in shock as she breathed, “What did you say?”

Ranma, for once in his life, considered his words very carefully.

However, where he usually tried to make excuses or provide a valid alibi for the misunderstanding that had lead to a girl being violent towards him, this time he was absolutely furious at the thought of being spied on by someone he’d trusted, with the wounds still fresh in his heart from dealing with the degradations from his Ice Queen ex-sister-in-law who blackmailed him into the poor house thanks to dozens of hidden cameras and tape recorders.

With that in mind, Ranma’s foot in mouth disease manifested just enough for him to channel his deeply held disgust for Nabiki Tendo, while his carefully chosen words were honed to a razors edge so instead of an accidental wounding, Clover was cut to the quick as he leaned in a little and declared icily, “I said, kissing you was the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life.”

Clover’s jaw-dropped, and those who’d heard the exchange gaped in shock at the liquid nitrogen levels of cold dismissal the transfer student had delivered onto his blonde-now-definitely ex-girlfriend.  In a flash, her surprise was replaced by pain and anger as Clover hauled back and screamed, “YOU BASTARD!” once again as she delivered a haymaker slap to Ranma’s face once again.

Knowing it was coming this time, Ranma simply hardened himself, in mind and body, and the only effect of her strike was his head turning slightly while Clover grimaced at the sharp pain in her hand, which she vainly tried to wring out as she glared balefully at the pig-tailed boy who’d abused her trust.  Ranma met her eyes with a frosty expression, and merely intoned, “Done?” As he seemingly ignored the pain of her strike.

Grimacing as a fresh wave of tears rolled in due to the throbbing pain in her hand and the pain of Ranma’s cold dismissal, she spat. “Yeah.  We’re DONE.”

Ranma nodded once, and said, “Fine.” Before turning around and walking away, leaving the blonde to cry to herself as he headed for his first class, not noticing the wicked delight in the eyes of a certain mulatto girl with long bushy hair, who melted into the crowd as she sought to relay this information to her totally-not-spoiled-rotten-boss.

For the rest of the day, the temperature of any classroom Ron Sato happened to be in would dip several degrees in temperature, prompting a few teachers to call in requests to check the school's heating system.  These requests were more fervent in the classes that Ron shared with a certain blonde girl, who he made a concentrated effort not to look at, or the redhead with a strangely satisfied and outraged expression, or the latina who looked even closer to tears than her blonde friend.

When school was done, Ranma went home.  All his thoughts, or at least the ones that weren't focused on maintaining the Soul of Ice technique, were on the faucet in his bathroom.  It was struggle to keep his calm when his front door shut behind him, but he maintained until he’d reached his source of relief from the events of the day.

He dropped the Soul of Ice, and waited the half-second to ensure that he wouldn't accidentally freeze himself before splashing himself with a faceful of water to trigger his curse.  The change occurred not a minute too soon, because as soon as he felt the familiar loss in height, with the protective shell of the Soul of Ice no longer in place, Ranma-chan gave in to the desire she’d held back for almost 6 hours, since the break up this morning.

The reason for the overuse of the technique, and his obsession with his home and bathroom was for the same reason he was glad that Ranko had gone to talk with Alex, and not Ranma.

Because real men never cry.


“Hey, Ron.”

Ranma groaned and cast a half lidded, displeased look at the nasally, snobbish voice that had grabbed his attention while he was fishing in his locker between classes. “What do you want, Mandy?”

“I heard you got dumped by the school bicycle.” The dark-haired girl smirked wickedly. “And I just wanted to be the first to say, ‘told you so’.”

Ranma was very glad his hand was in his locker, otherwise the fact that his tightening fingers managed to gouge a few holes through the cover and about 20 pages of the textbook in his hand would have attracted a bit of attention.  Internally repeating his mantra of never hitting a girl, Ranma looked away from Mandy and said icily, “Well, you said it, so now you can leave before any fishermen come by, Kappa-onna.

Mandy bristled indignantly at that, and was a hair away from laying into him with a banshee screech, but thought better of it, as she had bigger fish to fry.  Fixing a relaxed smile on her face with some difficulty, the snobby girl put on the vaguest resemblance of a purr that came out as a low growl as she asked, “You sure you want to do that, Ron?  Cause you might miss out on what I can do with my cap-ah, and I’ll bet it’ll help you forget all about Clover.”


Alex is a peaceful girl.  Happy, meek, and more than willing to talk things out rather than descend to name-calling and fighting.

Up to a point.

Because in the same way Alex could go from shy and reserved to ‘unhinged fucktress’ under certain circumstances, those who push the latina too far would discover that she didn't have a ‘bitch switch’ as much as she had a big red button labeled ‘Khorne Berserker’.  Granted, this button had more mental security on it than most nuclear arsenals, but it was still there, and one of the activation keys was hurting one of her friends.

So when she went to talk to Ranma about the break-up between him and Clover, hoping she could play peacemaker or find some kind of understanding why her friend had become convinced her boyfriend had screwed his supposed sister, and found Mandy propositioning Ranma for a revenge fuck; Alex found herself praying to every God she could think of, to keep herself from beating the ever-living snot out of the snobby bitch.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Ranma asked while keeping his eyes firmly in his locker, two of them not noticing Alex where she was half-hidden around the corner of an adjoining hallway, with the added camouflage of dozens of students wandering around and occasionally casting curious looks at the suspiciously behaving latina.

“I’m saying,” Mandy clarified with a hard look, her smile slipping a little. “That the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.”

As Ranma stilled and slowly turned to look at Mandy, Alex internally snarled, (Fuck it, Satan’s gonna owe me for this, cause there’s nothing that anyone could make me sorry for the ass-whupping I’m gonna give this stuck-up-)

Alex’s fantasies of violence were interrupted by the sound of chuckling, and Ranma muttering “Unbelievable.” As he shook his head. “Here, I thought you couldn't sink any lower.”

“Excuse me?” Mandy’s voice dipped into arctic levels. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Kodachi may have been crazy, but she never offered me sex just to get back at someone she hated.”

While Alex processed that, she heard Ranma mutter in his native tongue <Spreading doctored photos of us all over town, on the other hand…>

“Like, what was that?” Mandy snarled while Alex filed away that tidbit for later.

“Just wondering,” Ranma turned to face Mandy, which obscured his expression from Alex, although she could hear the cold, disdainful he had to be giving her as Ranma asked, “Since you’re only askin’ me out cause you’re gettin’ something out of it; how does this make it any different than if you were chargin’ me for it?”

Alex’s eyes bugged and the evil little Khornate in her soul howled joyfully as Mandy’s facade broke, but the snob was too shell-shocked by Ranma’s insult to do more than stammer, “Y-you-You!”

“Clover and I broke up over a mistake, and I'm not going to hurt her by going out with you.” Ranma declared with grim finality before shutting his locker and walking past Mandy with his books in hand.

Mandy recovered before he’d gone far, and turned around to screech at his retreating back, “Well good luck getting anyone else to go out with you, asshole!  That slut’s done more damage to your rep then a fucking wrecking crew!”

Alex was ready to move in, though a little of the bloodlust had been satiated by Ranma’s crack, when she saw him stop.  Keeping herself hidden, Alex watched as Ranma turned around and looked at Mandy with a studious expression, his earlier annoyance fading as he asked. “What’d you say?”

“You heard me.” Mandy spat acidically. “What, you got panties in your ears or something?”

Alex watched as Ranma considered Mandy for a few moments more, before he walked back over to her with a carefully neutral expression on his face.  When he reached the snob, he asked in a quieter, much more calm tone, “Are you free on Sunday?” And Alex’s jaw nearly hit the floor.

(WHAT?!?  He was about to walk away!!) Alex’s mind spun as she tried to understand the sudden reversal. (Why the hell would he go out with Mandy NOW?!?)

Then what Mandy had said bounced around Alex’s mind and settled in the debriefing she had gotten with Sam and Clover before their latest mission, and the latina’s jaw retracted in record time as she made the connection.

(He thinks she knows about the Wrecking Crew!) Alex swallowed nervously, having somewhat come over to Clover and Sam’s point of view regarding Ranma’s morality, but she wasn’t ready to throw in with them 100% just yet as she considered how easily Ranma could have turned his knowledge of her weakness to his advantage. (Oohhh...what’s he going to do?)

“Like, what?” Mandy asked, clearly as lost by the turnaround as Alex was until a second ago. “What brought this one?”

“I mean, is there somewhere we can meet up to talk in private?” Ranma asked with a pointed look around at the passing students.

While Alex couldn't see Mandy’s face, she could hear the malicious grin the snob had to be wearing as she said, “Hmm, you know, I think I do know a place.  Ever been to the Starbucks on Hollywood Avenue?”

“No, but I can find it pretty quickly.”

“Good, then we can meet there for a nice, private talk.” While obvious to Alex, the emphasis Mandy put on her words which made it clear that shenanigans were on her mind went over Ranma’s head as the snob added in a faux thoughtful tone, “Hey, do you mind if I invite Dominique and Caitlyn along and make it a ménage a quarter?”

While Alex internally groaned at the crime against what was supposed to be French, and wondered what a four-person home had to do with anything, Ranma replied with a smile and said, “Oh, those are your partners?  I should have known.”

“I...suppose.” Mandy affirmed hesitantly.

“Alright then, I’ll see you Sunday!” Ranma said with a smile before heading away from Mandy.

Alex caught a glimpse of Mandy’s face when she turned around and it took everything she had not to come down on the brat’s maniacal grin like the Hammer of God, but her mind told her that there were other priorities at the moment as she moved away from her hiding spot.


“You’re sure?” Sam asked, her eyes narrowed while Clover looked similarly serious, having rediscovered her focus for spycraft thanks to a lying ex being the target of her mission.

Alex nodded, having met up with her besties when school let out for the weekend. “Yeah, the moment Mandy said Clover destroyed Ranma’s reputation like a ‘Wrecking Crew’, he turned around and asked her out on a date.”

“And you’re sure he didn't ask her out so he could get another notch on his bedpost?” Clover sniffed haughtily.

Alex glared at her friend, even if she did understand that the wound from her and Ranma’s break-up hadn't finished healing yet. “Considering he knew she was asking him out just to hurt you, and he called her a whore for it; yeah, Ranma’s not interested in her like that.”

Clover blinked as she digested that, and while she wasn't about to forgive him, she nonetheless appreciated the slam on the number one pain in her ass.

“And he didn't mind her inviting Caitlin and Dominique along?” Sam asked pointedly.

“Yeah, he said something about them being her ‘partners’.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed as she thought about that. “I get it now...Ranma is definitely involved with whatever happened to Britney, somehow.”

Clover and Alex looked quizzically at Samantha. “Why do you say that?” The blond asked.

“Ranma asked to talk to a girl who knows about the wrecking crew in private, and he thinks the two girls who are always hanging around her are her partners?” Sam looked between Alex and Clover. “And you said Ranma would jump out of bed in the mornings like he was expecting to be attacked?  Or like someone might be watching him?”

It took a moment, but Alex made the connection and gasped in surprise. “Ranma thinks Mandy and her flunkies are us!”

“What?” Clover looked incredulous. “He’s not blind, Alex.  A dirty cheater, but not blind-”

“He thinks they’re spies, Clover!” Sam said in exasperation. “He was looking out for other Spies from WOOHP, and he thinks Mandy and her back-up singers are the team who are watching him!”

Understanding dawned and Clover went wide-eye’d. “Oh...oh crap, what's he going to do to them?”

While Alex frowned at the assumption that Ranma would do something (obviously negative) to Mandy, Sam shook her head. “No idea, but we’re gonna be in that Starbucks on Sunday to find out.”

Clover paused for a second. “Don't suppose we can wait to save Mandy until after he does to them whatever he did to Britney?”

“No, Clover!”


But while Clover was being berated for allowing an unknown punishment befall someone who Sam had to honestly admit deserved some kind of retribution, Alex was making plans of her own.


“So, what's the deal, runt?”

“Donna...I need a big, big favor from you…”

“ this about that soccer game you got coming up?  Cause I’m flattered, but I don't swing that way-”

“OhmyGod, no Donna!  That's not why I called you at all!......but now I am thinking about that, so thanks for making me even more nervous.”

“Heh, anytime, runt.”

“Anyway, I need you to do me a favor this Sunday.”


Mandy smirked as she looked at the clock on the wall, listening the hustle and bustle of worker peon’s, hipsters and barista’s as they handed out people's super-trendy/venti/mocha/latte/ drinks as the timer ticked over from 3:46 to 3:47. “What do you think? 5:00?”

“Nah, I say 5:30.” Caitlyn replied with a malicious grin, her and Dominique were sitting at a table with one empty chair opposite their ‘leader’. “Give him time to really spill his guts about the slut and the ‘creampie queen’, then we’ll head for the bathroom and leave him high and dry.”

“I think I should have trademarked that.” Dominique smiled in a pleased tone. “It just kinda...Rrrolls off the tongue, you know?”

“Yeah, for some kinda fetish site.” Mandy said with a nasty smile. “If we had those video’s you were supposed to record, we might have made some money off of that goodie-two-shoes.”


Clover slowly counted to 10 and ran a calming mantra through her head while Sam’s cheeks flushed a darker red than her hair, and Alex’s lip quivered in fear at the thought of her kitty and heinie being put online, nevermind while she was with a boy.

The trio were sitting several tables away, each of them wearing a variety of outfits, complete with fake mustaches matching their hair, of which Clover and Sam had tucked underneath a fedora and a derby, respectively, while Alex was wearing a bowler hat.  Overall the three looked like three very short, skinny metrosexual those who weren’t within 50 feet of them, otherwise they looked like three girls who were cross-dressing as 3 older men.  As this was Beverly Hills however, being near enough to the bleed off crazy from Los Angeles and Hollywood, most let the three ‘undercover spies’ to their own devices.

One such device was a tube of lipstick surreptitiously laying on the table next to Sam’s right hand and pointed directly at Mandy and her cronies, while a set of earpieces fed the audio to her, Clover and Alex, the latter of whom was sitting next to Samantha and similarly had her back to her tormentors.  Clover however was watching the trio closely, and making it no secret that she’d give anything to have laser-vision at that moment as she unconsciously drilled holes into the back of Mandy’s head.

To her surprise though, Dominique’s lips pursed and she looked at her leader. “Hey, Mandy?  I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Sam and Alex blinked at that, while Clover cocked an eyebrow and Mandy asked, “Excuse me?” in a cold tone. “Like, mind explaining why you’re getting cold feet?”

“Well,” Dominique offered hesitantly. “You kinda reminded me of a bit from when I was listening to his sister, and I don’t think putting those videos online would have been a good idea.  His dad and that bitch he’s engaged to might find him again if that happened.”

While Alex was suitably outraged at the memory of being secretly recorded, she was also shocked to hear that little bit of concern from Dominique.  The sentiment was shared by her besties and Caitlyn as the latter asked, “What are you talking about!?  Why should we care what happens to that dumbass?!”

“Dominique, I know we can be a little mean sometimes,” Caitlyn replied to her cohort in a serious tone. “But Ranko was sobbing because she didn’t want anyone to contact her dad.  Like, I remember her telling Alex that Ranma’s story to the slut about his dad's training meant having beehives thrown at him was a lie, because the truth was even worse.”

The three spies frowned at that, each of them likewise recalling the sorrowful scene, though now there was a touch of bitterness in the blonde's heart as she and her redheaded leader both considered the idea that rather than a sister, Ranma and Ranko were star-crossed lovers who fled Japan to be together.

It said something about how hurt Clover really was, that she was seriously considering tracking down Ranma’s father and letting him know where his offspring disappeared to, up until she heard Mandy solemnly agree with her underling by saying, “Yeah...that’s a good point.” The blond spy gaped in shock at her biggest pain in the ass, and the part of her mind that wasn’t bitter about being cheated on threw out a red flag, warning her that she had been ready to do something even Mandy wouldn’t stoop to.  Now feeling guilty the punishment she’d been planning out for her ex, Clover wondered if anyone else knew how she felt right now.


Outside, Arnold fidgeted nervously with the briefcase next to him, where some wires were leading out of it and to a pair headphones around his ears.

He couldn’t believe he’d been duped-well, scratch that; the put upon and put down king nerd of Bev High could very well believe that he was once again helping Mandy with some less than ethical dealing.  Albeit, this time it was relatively minor, what with acting as a ‘back-up’ for a recording they were making of the conversation they were going to have with Ron Sato, or Ranma, apparently.

When Arnold had heard the comments from the trio regarding Alex, he’d been simultaneously shocked, embarrassed, and outraged.  While the first two were easy to understand, coming from the information that Alex had apparently done...things with Ranma, the outrage came not from Mandy and her group talking about it so harshly, but from the absolute fury that came from the boy who’d had a secret, soft spot in his heart for the naive and cheerfully athletic latina.

His brief fantasies of gruesome revenge on Ranma were interrupted by Caitlyns’ commentary on boy’s home life, if you could even call it that, and Arnold felt a small flash of sympathy and horror for the boy he’d been all but ready to cast a voodoo curse upon a moment ago.  When Mandy had given her measured and not gleefully malicious opinion on the matter, and Arnold felt a little better about assisting her, knowing that she had some limits on what she was willing to do to those who’d wronged her.

Arnold blinked as he suddenly found himself under the shadow of a solar eclipse, shortly before there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned to see the source of the eclipse was a girl who was at least a head taller than he was, wearing a red leather biker suit and with short-cut hair that was just a little on the burgundy side of pink.  While that was enough to make him blink like a fish, the smile on her face made him break into a cold sweat as he suddenly felt like a minnow that caught the attention of a Great White Shark.  The girl pointed to her ear meaningfully, and Arnold swallowed before slowly pulling the headphones away from his ears.

“Hey, geek.” The girl said in a rough, but jovial tone. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“Huh?” Arnold’s eyes darted back and forth, not seeing any source of aid from passerby, and knowing it wouldn’t do any good to run to Mandy or her friends for help, even IF he could make the 50 meter sprint to the Starbucks they were in before being brought down.  Which he doubted.

“Looks like you’re listening to some music.” The girl offered as she meaningfully eyed the wires poking out of the briefcase. “You hidin’ your iPod so no one swipes it?”

“Ah, yeah!” Arnold smiled too-widely and nodded like a bobblehead doll in an earthquake. “Yeah, that’s it!”

“Good idea.  Except,” Donna pointed to her ears again. “Use earbuds next time, cause otherwise it’s kinda obvious what you’re doin’.”

“Oh!  Oh, right, thank you!” Arnold kept his smile up, genuine relief showing on his face as he grabbed the headphones and raised them back towards his ears. “Well, I’ll just get back to it, if you don’t mind-”

Arnold squeaked when a hand clamped down on his wrist, stopping him dead as the biker girl intoned. “Let me listen.”

Arnold’s eyes widened, and he slowly looked at the now grimfaced and NOT smiling thug. “What?” He whimpered in a high-pitch.

“A buddy of mine told me some snobby bitch was gonna try and screw over someone she liked.” The biker girl stated menacingly. “And she asked me to keep a look out for a skinny little geek who usually helps the bitch out, cause he’s a total sap.  My words, not hers.”

Arnold hesitated, knowing he was caught dead-to-rights by someone who had no reason to give a flying fuck about his health and well-being.  After a moment, he sagged and gave the biker girl his best puppy-dog eyes as he pleaded, “If I let you listen, do you promise not to beat me up?”

Donna’s eyes narrowed. “I will not punch you.”

“Oddly specific…”


“Say what?” Caitlyn scoffed at Mandy’s serious look. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Like, as much as I hate Ranma and Clover, yeah.” Mandy admitted with a disgusted grimace. “You didn’t hear what he told the slut on their date about why he liked me better than some psychopath back home.”

“Wait, he likes you?” Dominique cocked her head quizzically. “I thought he hated you?”

Mandy heard something that sounded like a snort from a few tables behind her, but disregarded it as her eye twitched and she glared at Dominique. “I am not some crazy gymnast who’s in love with him, and likes throwing razor-edged hulahoops at people.” Mandy pursed her lips in satisfaction at her flunkies two thunder-struck expressions. “So yeah, he likes me more than that, not that that’s saying much…”

“Razor-edged…” Caitlyn shook her head. “He’s gotta be making it up!  There’s no way that can be real!”

“Caitlyn, remember when you went out with that one guy…” Mandy snapped her fingers as she searched her memory. “God, the blonde with a corvette...”

Caitlyn looked at her blankly.

“...the one you traded up for his big brother?”


“He was big but had zero stamina?!”

“Gonna need to be more specific, Mandy.”

Mandy snarled briefly. “The one who’s ex was so crazy, she threw dog shit at your bedroom window!!!”

“Oh!” Caitlyn blanched and shuddered. “Oh God, him!  Yeah, I remember that.  Corvette or no, some things just aren’t worth it!”

“Yeah, well you know the eyes of a guy who has means it when he says he’s been around crazy girls.” Mandy stated grimly. “And that’s exactly how Ranma looked when he was telling the slut about his crazy-assed stalker.”

Dominique and Caitlyn shared a mutual look of shock and appall at that, when the shorter haired girl suddenly paled and whispered, “Oh God…”

“Hmm?” Mandy glanced at her friends suddenly whey-faced look. “What’s with you?  You forget about a sale at Gucci’s or something?”

“No…” Dominique slowly turned to her leader with a haunted look. “Mandy...if that video of him and Alex went online...what would happen if she saw it?”

Mandy immediately matched Dominique’s expression and Caitlyn choked on the venti-frappe-mocha she’d ordered.  After a half second to hack up her extra-gay coffee, she shared the horrified silence with the other two girls and opined, “Payback is one thing, but I’m not getting charged with manslaughter.”

“Damn right.”

“Not happening.”

Consensus achieved, the three snobs turned their minds away from increasingly grim thoughts of what would happen to Ranma, Alex, Clover, or anyone who happened to be in the general vicinity if that crazy train rolled into town.  It became easier for them to turn their thoughts to other matters as Mandy saw a black-haired, pigtailed boy through the front windows and smiled as he headed for the door.

“Like, showtime.” Mandy said quietly as Ranma stepped inside.

-W.O.O.H.P. HQ-



Tastes and feelings.

A small giggle escaped from a throat Myrna Beesbottom recognized as her own, which was odd because her throat also felt dry and sore as hell.  Behind her eyelids, the technicolor dreamscape of wonderland was fading.  Feeling bored with the receding stimulation, she opened her eyes, wincing at the sharp, almost literally stabbing pain from the lights above her, when a warbling, familiar voice said, “Enjoy your rest, sleeping beauty?” and she looked upon one of the blurry visages standing around her.

Jerry pursed his lips as Myrna looked at him, her eyes somehow dilating and shrinking like a continuously focusing camera lens as she turned her still-addled attention on him.  While the doctors around them made notes and whispered about checking to make sure she didn’t suffer any permanent damage from what appeared to be ‘involuntarily spasming retinas’, he asked, “Do you recognize me, Miss Beesbottom?”

The square-jawed woman narrowed her eyes, and she gave a tiny, airy laugh as she said, “Ooohh yeeaahhh...I know who you are…” In a relaxed, supremely satisfied tone. “Oh man, that’s too funny…”

Jerry cocked his head quizzically while the medical team looked similarly curious at the villainesses statement. “What is?”

“All this time, Jesse Ventura was right.” Myrna pressed her head back against the pillow and smiled triumphantly. “The Illuminati’s run by freakin’ lizard people…”

While two doctors suddenly slipped and fell to the floor apropos of nothing, Jerry and the other three merely stumbled, but managed to keep their balance before the ridiculous statement literally floored them.  The spymaster recovered quickly and proclaimed, “Myrna, it’s Jerry!  You’re at WOOHP’s medical facility!”

Myrna looked at him out of the corner of her eye, her doped up smile not wavering in the slightest as she suddenly hissed at him like a snake.  When all he did was look at her in confusion, she shrugged and asked dryly, “What, wrong dialect?  Should I try iguana?”

This time, Jerry was the only person besides Myrna who didn’t faceplant at that, and that was because he caught himself on the railing of the doped-to-the-gills villainesses bed.  Surprised at his own loss of composure while also wondering just how powerful the chemical was that she’d been drugged with, Jerry said exasperatedly, “Donna, I’m not a lizard person!”

“You coulda fooled me…”

“Miss Beesbottom,” A nurse on the opposite side of Myrna’s bed spoke up as she got to her feet, which caught the auburn-haired woman’s attention and made the doped up villainess roll her head towards the younger brunette like her neck was made of rubber. “You were brought to WOOHP two weeks ago.  You were poisoned by something that’s acting like a hallucinogen on steroids, but we gave you a suppressant which will help your body flush the toxin from your system.”

In the time it took for Myrna to process that, the rest of the medical team had gotten to their feet.  When she did, her eyes opened very slowly, but also far more widely than they should have as she breathed “OOOOooooohhhh……” like she’d been given to the secret to some great universal truth. “That explains...sooo much!  Cause you don’t look like a lizard person anymore!”

The nurse blinked quizzically. “I don’t?”

Myrna shook her head without looking away from the woman or blinking as she lifted her hand, trying and failing to point at her due to a restraining manacle as Myrna said in that same ‘mind-blown’ voice, “No!  Now you look like Jesus!” She then stopped and narrowed her eyes at the brunette and spat in a gravely offended tone, “And Jesus, do you need a tic-tac!”

Jerry wondered why it seemed like someone had installed artificial gravity plating in the medical facilities, or why his body was losing muscle control with every ridiculous word that came out of Myrna Beesbottom’s mouth, but mostly he hoped it hadn’t been too long since the floor had last been cleaned as he lifted his face from it, eye twitching indignantly while the high-as-a-kite villainess muttered something about ‘smells like a jet engine shat a rainbow…’ in complete disgust.

The spymaster summoned up his considerable willpower to get back to his feet, pointedly ignoring those among the medical team who were giggling at the ridiculous statement from their patient, and regarded his former agent anew as he said coldly, “Regardless of that, Miss Beesbottom, we need critical information from you as soon as possible.”

“Why?” She asked tiredly without bothering to look at her ex-boss. “I fucked up, or I wouldn't be here.  And how do you know I’m not gonna spew bullshit?”

“If I thought you were capable of lying in such a state, that would be a valid concern.”

Jerry’s dry statement caused a strange reaction as Myrna shot up like someone had replaced her spinal column with a spring from a mousetrap and lunged at Jerry, only to be stopped by the restraints binding her to the bed.  While the medical team reeled back and shouted in shock, the spymaster looked impassively into the manic eyes and matching smile only a few inches from his face as Myrna crowed gleefully, “That's the best part!  I can't lie about the shit I’ve seen, because it's too fucking crazy to make up!

Jerry raised a hand, waving off the two guards who’d run up from the opposite side of the suddenly more energetic prisoner.  The two mooks paused, though they were obviously hesitant as their boss said, “Then enlighten me, Myrna.  What happened in Nerima Tokyo?”

The square-jawed, burly woman giggled like an 8-year old girl and gave Jerry a doe-eye’d look that seemed like she wanted a lollipop, but all the aging spymaster wanted to do was call a priest for an emergency exorcism.  He wasn't alone in that sentiment as a doctor on his right crossed himself with fearful eyes and Myrna murmured sweetly, “What's the matter, Jerry?  Didn't you find out enough from that blue-haired brat you threw into the lion's den?”

The comment on the danger involved only made Jerry’s eyes narrow as he stated severely, “Agent Britney has not returned from Nerima, because she has taken it upon herself to investigate the terrorist group you were hiding out with in Japan.”

Myrna blinked owlishly. “Terrorists?  What terrorists?”

“The Nerima Wrecking Crew.” Seeing Myrna’s eyes widen at that, Jerry nodded sternly. “So you do know them.  Good, now what can-”


Jerry flinched back as Myrna heaved a great, barking laugh into his face, before her mouth suddenly snapped shut and she stared at him with a clenched jaw.  Slowly, the older woman’s face reddened as a squealing noise akin to air escaping a balloon slipped between her pursed lips before she suddenly erupted with peals of laughter and collapsed back against the mattress.  It was like the polar opposite of a 2-year-old’s temper tantrum as Myrna thrashed wildly in her bed and now Jerry didn't stop the guards from holding her down, though it wasn't from concern for violence as the older woman was shrieking, squealing, howling and gasping with laughter of various types and styles.  It went on for several minutes, until the last of her giggles burned themselves out and all that was left was a sweaty, red-faced woman lying on a disheveled bed with a gigantic shit-eating grin on her face.

“Ho-leeeeee shit, Jerry.” Myrna sighed appreciatively. “That was the funniest fuckin’ thing I've heard in a long time.  In fact,” the thick-set woman giggled again. “That was so good, I think it made me cum!”

Jerry immediately coughed into his fist, his cheeks reddened to a tomatoe-like hue while his guards yanked their hands away from Myrna and took several steps back, each of them wearing mutual expressions of disgust.  Composing himself quickly, the aging spymaster said uncomfortably, “Well, that as it may, might I ask what you found so funny?”

“The ‘Wrecking Crew’.  A terrorist group.” Myrna repeated in a lilting tone. “Oh Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry, the wrecking crew aren't terrorists!  Cause they don't have a political agenda, any world-changing scheme, and they're not trying to make people scared of them!”

His embarrassment fading quickly and giving way to intrigued curiosity, Jerry asked, “Then why-”


Myrna’s joyful shout drowned out the rest of his question, but he didn't bother interrupting her as he digested her sudden exclamations with ever deepening shock. “The Wrecking Crew are a bunch of KIDS who don't have the sense God gave a fucking oyster, and they run around Nerima like a bunch of bulls in a 5 mile wide China Shop!  They get so focused on the stupidest shit and just fly off the handle, and the next thing you know, some building has a new picture window or a sunroof cause they punched a hole through it!!!”

The thickset older woman turned her head towards Jerry and gave him a smile that was nearly Glasgow in width as she hissed, “And I mean that literally, Jerry!  Whatever you saw that made you think these little shits were terrorists, was all done with bare-fucking-hands!!!”

While Jerry would have loved to be relieved by the information Myrna was giving him, all he felt was a chill run up his spine as she painted a scenario that was even more terrifying than the one Britney had illustrated. “Myrna...are you telling me that the Wrecking Crew are all teenagers?!”

Myrna nodded and drawled out, “Eeee-YU-pah!” with an emphasizing pop on the ‘p’.

“And they have superpowers?!?

The woman shook her head, her eyes once more narrowing and widening out of sync like a pair of auto-focusing cameras as she squeaked, “NO-PAH!  Or at least, not the kind of powers you're thinking of, because everything they do, they've trained to do it and nothing else!  No gadgets, no mutations, no magic-” Myrna suddenly cut herself with narrowed eyes and a studious expression. “Well, some magic, but not the good kind...all sorts of freaky curses out there.”

“Myrna, focus please!” Jerry said commandingly, hoping to tap into whatever remained of her training as his agent.  The effect seemed to work as she blinked and suddenly stiffened in her bed, giving him the impression that if she wasn’t strapped down, she’d be standing at attention.  Taking it as a sign of progress despite the wide smile on her face, The leader of WOOHP calmed down and composed himself while his other employee’s focused their attention on her with narrow-eye’d concern or nervous dread. “Now, Myrna...please elaborate on the wrecking crew and their so-called training.  Who is the one instructing them?”

“No one.” she replied in a relaxed voice that was at odds with her ramrod straight posture. “Cause they don’t listen to anyone-OOooohhhh…” She afforded herself a small chuckle. “You think they have a leader!  Well, sorry to tell you Jerry, but there’s only one person who might qualify for that role and he’d never take it, even though he’s the reason I’m tripping balls right now!”

Rather than fear, Jerry found himself growing concerned as he took a relatively small leap of faith and asked, “You wouldn’t be referring to Ranma Saotome, would you?”

Myrna nodded stiffly, like she was fighting against her own neck muscles to affirm his suspicion.

“Tell me, Miss Beesbottom; what exactly did Ranma Saotome do to you in Nerima?  How did he escape from Agent Britney after you were captured?”

Myrna blinked rapidly at that.  Her eyelids fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings, she turned to look quizzically at Jerry and murmured, “Escape from Britney?  He didn’t escape from her.”

Jerry cocked an eyebrow in interest. “He didn’t?”

“No.” Myrna affirmed by shaking her head. “He saved her.  From me.”


The sight of Ranma made Clover sniffle while privately noting that he cleaned up very well, which made it hurt all the more as Caitlyn gave a low wolf-whistle in appreciation.  Ranma smiled awkwardly at that as he sat down, and the blonde spy had to keep from throwing herself at the now-quartet in a blind rage when Dominique fixed Ranma with a sultry smirk and asked, “Well, you wanted us.  How do you want us, stud?”

“Ahh, here is fine.” Ranma replied, apparently missing the jumbo-sized come on Dominique had lobbed at him, which made Clover’s heartache worse as she remembered how dense he’d been on their first...technically only date.

“Right.” Mandy cut in coolly. “So like, why’d you change your mind?  I thought you weren’t going to hurt Clover by going out with me?”

Ranma blushed in embarrassment and scratched his head. “I...wanted to apologize for that...and for stealin’ your underwear last week.  I was just trying to help Alex, you know?”

Alex sniffled a little, while Sam’s eyes hardened and Clover watched the clandestine meet-up like a hawk.

“Right, whatever, apology accepted.” Mandy said in a blasé tone and a wave of her hand before saying with an audible smirk. “But what about Clover-chan?  You don’t think she’s gonna be upset by this?”

Ranma grimaced for a moment, before his expression hardened and he murmured, “Yeah...but it’s not like I can make things worse, can I?  Besides, she already thinks I’m a cheater, so why deny it?”

Clover snarled and Sam quickly reached out with her foot, lightly tapping the blonde’s shin in a ‘don’t do it’ signal as Caitlyn asked, “So, you really did cheat on her?”.

Despite everything, Clover couldn't’ help but close her eyes and brace for impact.

“What?  No!  No, I didn’t!!”

Clover’s eyes snapped open and she stared at Ranma as he gave Caitlyn a displeased look. “Alex was one thing, but there’s no way in hell I did what Clover-chan is blaming me for!” Ranma shuddered briefly. “Even if that were possible, I still wouldn’t do it.  It’d just be...creepy…”

Alex looked over her shoulder, wondering why Ranma seemed to be holding his sister(girlfriend?) in something decidedly less than an affectionate standing, considering how much the girl had cared for him.  Sam let out a low groan as the headache she’d briefly beaten back from discovering the mystery of Ranma Saotome returned with a vengeance as the previously clear picture suddenly became fuzzy again.

And Clover looked at her ex.  Confused, hurt, waiting for the moment he enacted his dastardly plan.

But also...hopeful.  Praying he was telling the truth...while also dreading what would happen if it turned out he was, and she’d thrown him away for nothing.


Donna, giving zero fucks about the knowing smiles and giggles she and Arnold were getting as they shared half a headphone between them on the bench, focused her attention on head bitch’s voice as she asked, “If like, you didn’t cheat on her, then why are you just accepting it?”

“Cause she saw something I can’t explain to her without ruining everything I came here for.” Ranma’s voice dipped into a slight growl. “But also ‘cause the only way she could possibly have seen it is if she was watching me.  And I’m not dealing with that again, girlfriend or not.”

Arnold, while still nervous about having an irritated girl so close to him, and sweating bullets just from having a girl so close to him, pursed his lips as he tried to come up with a reason to blame Ranma for his and Clover’s break-up, but the nerd had to admit that Ranma’s condemnation was a pretty valid, of ambiguously worded complaint.

Of course, that pulled back quite a bit when Dominique asked gleefully, “Oh ho?  So that’s why you said kissing her was the worst mistake you ever made?” and Arnold returned to his violent fantasies of retribution while Donna’s lips quirked in a snarl.

“K...kinda…” Ranma’s voice fell, thick with guilt as he admitted, “I was just so pissed, cause it was just like home.  She saw something and blamed me for it before asking me what the hell happened.  At least this time, Clover’s upset cause I can’t tell her the truth, instead of ignoring anything I say so she can stay pissed at me.”

“That happened with that fiancé of yours?”

Donna cocked an eyebrow at that and side-eye’d Arnold, who returned her questioning look with a nod of affirmation and a quick whisper of, “They mentioned it before.”

“All.  The.  Time.Ranma replied in a low voice. “Couple that with her watching me, and it was like a mix of Akane and Nabiki put together.  And while Clover isn’t...can’t possibly be as bad as they were, both those things together just made me see red.”


“Akane’s sister.  She had hidden camera’s and tape recorders all over the dojo and school, so she knew everything that was going on in both places.”

Mandy chuckled wickedly. “Hee, I like how she thinks.”

“If you’re thinking of recruiting her, don’t bother.  She’s not a spy, she’s a broker, like a mini-mafia boss or something.  Information is power and money, and she’s always lookin’ for more of both.”

Arnold and Donna had worn matching expressions of curiosity at the word ‘recruiting’; but now their incredulity and disbelief were in perfect sync as they met each other’s eyes, looking for verification that they’d each heard the same thing.

“And you don’t think Clover will do that?”

Ranma snorted at Caitlyn’s somewhat suspicious/leading question. “I’m upset with Clover, but there’s no way in hell she’s gonna act like Nabiki.” there was a brief pause and a glugging noise as Ranma took a drink of something before muttering darkly. “Otherwise, she’d have blackmailed me as payback for cheating, so she’s already ahead of the Ice Queen there.”

Arnold and Donna’s jaws dropped as Dominique asked, “Blackmailed how?”

“I don't have the list in front of me, but Nabiki would sink to anything to make a buck, or for a cheap laugh.  The worst was when she threatened to make Akane and her family think I'd…” Ranma’s voice lowered into something thicker than mere disgust as he intoned, taken advantage of her, just because I accidentally burned some tickets to a concert she wanted to go to.”

Donna’s eyes went wide, and one started spasmodically twitching while Arnold had frozen in shocked disbelief.  Through their headphones, the pair heard a wet choking sound before Mandy’s slightly ragged voice asked, “She was gonna make you look like a rapist!?”

“Yeah, and I know it was only payback for the tickets cause the cash-in-hand payment she charged to keep her mouth shut was ¥5000, and it would have been twice that much, every week if she’d been serious about holding it over my head.”

Silence reigned for a few moments, both between the two eavesdroppers and those they were listening to, until Caitlyn summed up the feelings of the two eavesdroppers with a breathless, “Holy shit…”

“Yeah, it’s a lot like the Kodachi situation and you.” Ranma agreed as he presumably pointed to Mandy.  Then he chuckled and said, “Then again, Kodachi’s batshit crazy and it turns out you were just acting, so I guess comparing you and her doesn't work anymore, does it?”

Shaken from their appalled musings, Donna and Arnold shared mutual looks of confusion as Mandy asked, “Acting?  What act?”

Ranma answered, and Donna’s eyes widened as she quickly jammed her fist between her teeth, trying to keep herself from howling with laughter as Arnold gaped in slack-jawed shock at the apparently dim-witted pigtailed boy’s plain-spoken reply.


“The evil, selfish brat act.” Ranma said with an easy-going and slightly appreciative grin. “I gotta say, you totally fooled me with it.”

Mandy’s eye twitched as she swallowed the scream threatening to launch itself out of her throat and at the stupidly smiling boy sitting across the table, while Dominique and Caitlyn wore nearly matching expressions of outraged shock.  But Mandy was not the erstwhile leader of the trio simply because of her money or fashion sense, but because she was truly the sharpest of the three brats, not that that was saying much.  Thus, she realized Ranma was suffering from a case of mistaken identity and a downright sinful idea crossed her mind, making her quickly snap her feet out to lightly kick her henchgirl’s shins under the table.

The pair winced and hissed before turning to glare at their leader, only to cock their eyebrows quizzically as she cleared her throat and sat up straighter.  With considerable effort, which was aided by the idea of finding out some really good dirt on the boy who apparently thought she and her cohorts were someone else, Mandy said calmly and in as professional a voice as she could manage, “Well, I have been...practicing it for awhile.”

Caitlyn and Dominique continued to stare at her uncomprehendingly, and Mandy quietly cursed and prayed that they caught onto her dodge ASAP before the idiot realized he was being played.  Thankfully, that didn’t look like it was happening anytime soon as Ranma scratched the back of his head and chuckled sheepishly. “Yeah, well now that I know you were faking, I probably should have realized it earlier.  I mean, there were bits that were a little over the top, like when you kept calling Alex know.”

“A slut?” Mandy smirked a little as he flinched, taking a bit of pleasure at milking this new ‘why-no-I’m-not-really-a-heinous-bitch’ act for all it was worth.  Even as she wondered what was up with the weird, angry muttering coming from behind her.

“Yeah...that.” Ranma admitted lamely before sitting up and looking between the three girls with a serious expression. “So, what happens now?  Am I going to meet your boss soon?  Or do I have to wait until things clear up first?”

Taking a wild stab in the dark, bolstered somewhat by the fact that her cronies had finally clued into her scheme, Mandy said ambiguously, “Things are a little...hectic at the moment, so it’s going to take awhile before our boss can see you.” while privately wondering if this was supposed to be some kind of job interview.


Sam’s eyes narrowed as she blocked out the sound of Clover’s teeth grinding and Alex almost vibrating with rage, all but shaking her chair to pieces as she was obviously fighting back the urge to hurl herself at Mandy like a viking berserker.  Unlike her two friends, the redhead maintained her calm more effectively because she was able to focus on the important things they were hearing, like the fact that Ranma was apparently under the impression that she and her friends were supposed to take him to see Jerry, as if that had a snowball’s chance in hell of happening.

But something nagged at her, specifically the careful yet casually interested way Ranma was talking to the bitch trio, like he honestly expected there to be some kind of meeting planned out between him and the head of WOOHP.

“Well, I hope it clears up soon.” Ranma said with a heavy sigh. “Cause I want to get this over with and move on before even more crap blows up in my face.”

Clover winced, but kept her eyes fixed on her ex and the three bitches surrounding him as Dominique leaned forward and asked in an inquisitive tone. “Moving on?  So you’re not gonna stay in town?”

“I was up until Clover called me a cheater in front of everyone.” Ranma said pointedly. “Now that’s going to be hanging over my head again, and I can’t even tell her or anybody else why it’s bullshit without screwing up the plan.”

Sam, Alex and Clover’s eyes narrowed in unison as they focused their attention, waiting for Ranma to reveal his ultimate scheme as Mandy asked, “And the plan is?”

Ranma paused, blinking quizzically at Mandy before saying, “Uhh...working with you guys?  After I get my interview with your boss?”

The three real spies blinked in unison as Caitlyn chimed in, “Oh, the interview.” in a tone that almost covered up the fact that she didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. “Yeah, that...see, our boss wanted to hear some more of your qualifications before setting something up.”

At that, Clover watched as Ranma looked suspiciously at Caitlyn, who suddenly looked like she was sweating nervously as he said, “You guys should already have my qualifications!  If your boss read the damn file, I should be a shoe-in for a job…”

Ranma stopped and his eyes slowly widened as comprehension dawned, and Clover took a certain amount of vindictive glee in the way Mandy and her cronies stiffened at being caught red-handed.  It almost made up for them going out with her ex and pretending to be her and her friends...almost.

Meanwhile, Sam was waiting with bated breath for the other shoe to drop, wondering what would happen when Ranma realized he’d been blabbing his secrets to a trio of girls who were not supposed to be in the know regarding him and his past.  While the interview bit was confusing, she was still worried that this was some kind of long con to get Ranma close to Jerry and maybe use whatever he’d done to make her friends go crazy for him and seize control of WOOHP and all its resources.

Then Ranma gave a quiet, “You guys…”

The spies held their breaths as Mandy offered a nervous, hesitant “Yes...?”

“You...haven't gotten in touch with Britney, have you?”

Sam’s eye twitched as Caitlyn started to ask ‘who?’ But was cut off by with a gasp of pain, which Clover saw was due to Mandy digging the toe of her shoe into the short-haired girls shin as she said, “No!  I mean, no; we haven't heard from her.”

There was a few moments of tense silence, before Clover saw Ranma's eyes close and his head dropped, and his voice echoed in her, Sam, and Alex’s ears as he asked, “How bad?” In a miserable tone.

“ bad what?”

Before Mandy could punish Dominique for asking another possible cover-breaking question, Ranma replied in that same defeated voice, “How bad did Britney make things sound in her report?  Cause she warned me she was gonna blow things out of proportion until she finished covering our tracks and got a chance to explain things to your boss.”

Sam’s eyes widened and she softly whispered, “Noooo…” while Clover’s right eye started to spasm and the corner of Alex’s mouth began quirking up as a spark of hope formed in her chest.

“It, ahh…” Mandy replied hesitantly. “It was...pretty bad.”

There was a thump as Ranma dropped his head onto the tabletop, where he gave a muffled groan. “Oh God...she didn't blame me for all that crap in Japan did she!?  That wasn't my fault!!!”

Sam’s whispering of, “No, no, no!” Was growing increasingly more desperate and insistent while Alex’s joyful smile was stretching from ear-to-ear, and Clover’s spasming eye found itself matched, yet out of sync with its twin as she ran herself through the last several weeks with a fresh, but not necessarily new mindset and slipped back into the ‘Britney fucked up’ excuse like an old dress.

Mandy was apparently blessed by the Gods of bullshit this day as she somehow managed to offer the accurate answer to Ranma’s question and apologetically said, “Yeah...yeah she did…”

There was silence for a moment, save for the background noise of a busy cafe as everyone went about their day without a care in the world.

“...please tell me she didn't say the Wrecking Crew was some kinda terrorist cell?  I begged her to just make it sound like a street gang, but she-”

Sam didn't hear the rest as she suddenly snatched Alex’s bowler hat off the latina’s head, making the girl who was a hair away from breaking into song ‘eep’ in surprise while the redhead activated one of WOOHP’s situationally useful gadgets and flicked a switch built into the brim, before jamming her face into the hat and letting her outraged scream of “FFFFUUUUUUUU-” be muffled into total silence.

Clover meanwhile, was no longer spasming.

Instead, the blonde was utterly sagging in her chair, looking at Ranma through dulled eyes and internally swearing a blue streak at herself for deviating from her instincts regarding his morality.  Even the encounter she’d seen for herself in her spy cam was now warping, twisting itself as she tried to find a way to justify what had looked like a stone-cold case of philandering.  While nothing solidified and stubbornly refused to veer away from her bitter, angry assumption that Ranma had cheated on her, the blonde was utterly convinced that there was a valid reason for whatever had happened.

And quietly begged to whoever was listening that Ranma would take her back when she found that reason, and asked for his forgiveness.


“My God is he dumb…” Donna murmured quietly, mostly to herself as she closed her eyes and tried to disbelieve how easily Ranma was being led around by the nose by Mandy and her bitch squad.

Arnold shared her opinion, but didn't voice it as he was more concerned with what this quote-unquote wrecking crew had done to make themselves sound like a terrorist cell or a street gang, and why either of those options was better than the other.

Mandy apparently shared his opinion as she answered Ranma’s pleading by saying, “No, she didn't go that far,” in a somewhat consoling manner as she was obviously completely lost by this turn of events. “But like, why would Britney make...things sound so much worse than they are?”

“She said WOOHP doesn't do long-term, indefinite protective details, and the only way I’d get a team to cover my back 24/7 is if she made me sound like a bad guy…”

A low droning noise, which had hovered at the edge of Donna and Arnold’s hearing for the last minute, rose in intensity and prompted the biker girl to shoot him an annoyed look. “Hey, what’s that?”

“Not sure…” Arnold said thoughtfully as he turned and opened the briefcase with one hand, trying to keep his half of the headphone to his ear as he mused, “This things is sensitive, but I calibrated it so we wouldn't pick up everything else in the building, so I’m not sure why we’re getting reverb from somewhere…”


Donna blinked as the droning ended in a sharp ‘Kuh’ sound and didn't return.  Giving Arnold and appraising look, the girl nodded and said, “You work fast.”

“Y-yeah.” Arnold half-heartedly agreed as he pulled his fingers out of his bag, not having touched the controls to the microphone Mandy had in her purse and hoping the droning didn't come back, lest the rough-looking girl get irritated with him.

“So, ahh…” Mandy’s voice was hesitant, the snob obviously caught wrong-footed by what sounded like a boy who thought they a part of some kind of Witness Protection detail as she asked, “Since like, Britney’s report was wrong, mind explaining to us what the truth is?”

“Well, you read the damn thing,” Ranma replied in a miserable tone. “You tell me what it said and I’ll explain what really happened.”

Donna smirked and Arnold swallowed nervously, the two of them obviously thinking that the three not bodyguards were about to be caught red-handed, but of very different opinions on the matter.  While there should have been a feeling of frustration or relief when Dominique commented, “Well, there was the bit about you having multiple fiancé’s.” Arnold and Donna could only share matching expressions of shock and confusion while they heard the sound of a double spit-take, presumably from Mandy and Caitlyn.

“Say what!?Mandy gasped. “Did you say-”

“Ah, you guys must have missed page...17?” Dominique offered in a helpful but strained tone. “Where Britney talked about his dad trading his hand in marriage for food and running away before they could go through with it?”

“...right.” Caitlyn managed to rally under the new information quickly, though there was a measure of incredulity and appall in her voice, which was shared by the two eavesdroppers. “I guess that part got skipped in my copy.”

“So like, what’s the story with that?” Mandy asked, reassuming some her ‘serious business’ mannerisms, though most of that had faded as her genuine curiosity removed some of her acting skills. “Cause it sounds like you’re a bit of a player.”

“I was a baby!” Ranma shot back in an offended tone. “Pops pulled those scams when I was too little to remember except one and that was…”

He trailed off, and Donna shared a curious look with Arnold as Ranma continued in a more solemn and dejected tone, “that one...hurt worse than a lot of the other crap he’s ever pulled on me.”

It seemed like a bit of sympathy for the pig-tailed boy had weakened some of Dominique’s nastier mannerisms, or she was even better at faking not being a bitch better than anyone thought as she said in a consoling tone, “You don't have to talk about that if you don't want to.  But the report didn't make it clear just how many fiancé’s you have, and that’d be a great help to us.”

Ranma gave a quiet chuckle. “Yeah, Britney couldn't tell you how many because no one knows how many fiancé’s I’ve got!  There’s 3 right now, 4 if for some ungodly reason you want to count Kodachi, but so far there’s been 6 different guys showing up with their daughters in tow, claiming me as their son-in-law.”

Arnold had stilled in a kind of mute horror, utterly stunned by what he was hearing while Donna’s teeth were gritted and she was wishing she had the power to punch someone in the nuts across space and time, because if anyone deserved it, it was the man she was hearing about second hand from his son.

“The worst bit is…”

Arnold and Donna twitched violently when Ranma’s spoke in a voice thick with frustration.

“My old man never wrote about any of those stupid arrangements except Ucchan and Akane in his journal, so I can't find them and tell them the deal is off.”

While Arnold and Donna both felt the tension ease from their shoulders at the relatively mild add-on to Ranma’s already nasty situation, Caitlyn offered, “If the guys he made this deal with were so crazy that they’re holding onto the bill for your dad's meal for over ten years, I think cutting your losses is a good idea.”

“You’re telling me.” Ranma muttered in agreement. “The only thing I ever got out of the whackos who showed up was a hard time, and a firsthand look at some utterly insane Ki techniques, which were pretty much useless to me or anyone who didn't study their family school.”

Donna blinked and wondered at the usage of a somewhat familiar term, and Arnold went wide-eye’d, all his previously held disdain and pity for Ranma disappearing as he prayed before all the gods above that what he was hearing was real.


While Mandy was quietly debating the sanity of Ranma Saotome, as well as wondering if there was anything she could do to him that was worse than what he’d gone through already, Dominique tilted her head quizzically and asked, “Like, key techniques?  How is using a key a technique?”

“Not like a car key,” Ranma shook his head. “Ki, spelled K-I.  A person’s life energy, willpower, sense of self and vitality.  People learn the martial arts as a way of life can use ki to make themselves faster, tougher, or way stronger than a normal person.”

At that, Caitlyn grinned wryly and said, “Yeah?  You trying to tell me you’re a superhero or something?”

Ranma chuckled softly. “If ya mean I can handle a lot of dangerous stuff a lot better than most people, yeah.  But I’m not the only one.  Pretty much everybody back in Nerima practiced martial arts and could use ki in someway or another.”

Dominique blinked, recalling the way he’d stolen their lacy undergarments the other day and her fear fled in the face of a rising excitement, images running through her mind of old episodes of Sailor Moon she’d watched as a little girl as she leaned forward and asked eagerly, “Wait, is this ki stuff magic?!”

“Uhh, kinda, but not really?” Ranma’s brow furrowed as he tried to puzzle out an explanation. “I mean, I didn’t read a bunch of books say magic words; I worked my ass off until my body was strong enough to handle it.  And most of the stuff ki does isn’t really noticeable-”

“But the other day at school, when you stole our-” Dominique stopped herself and blushed along with her two friends and Ranma. “A-anyway, we didn’t even see you move, so you were using this ki stuff to make yourself faster, weren’t you?!”

Mandy and Caitlyn’s eyes widened as they remembered the day they’d ended up going commando for all of the 5 minutes it took for them to saunter into the nearest restroom and put their unmentionables back on.  Sitting up straighter, finding herself eager to hear more about this ki stuff, not the least of which so she could figure out a way to make sure Ranma could never do something like that again, Mandy asked, “Can you like, give us a demonstration?  It could help with the interview you wanted…”

Ranma gave her a concerned look, and while a part of Mandy felt a little bit guilty for tricking him, the rest of her mind was focused on the benefit of defensive information and praying that whatever voodoo he tried wouldn’t result in the de-pantying of every woman in the coffee shop.  Thus, it was both a relief and a disappointment when Ranma looked over his shoulders at the other patrons and grimaced apologetically. “Most of the stuff I know is really...obvious and kinda powerful.  Plus, there’s a LOT more camera’s in Beverly Hill’s then Nerima, and I don’t want to catch the wrong person’s attention.”

“Sounds like an excuse to me.” Caitlyn scoffed with a smug grin, pointedly ignoring the fact that Dominique had shifted from giving Ranma puppy-dog eyes in an attempt to see some magic to glare furiously at her bushy-haired partner in crime.

Ranma pursed his lips and gave Caitlyn a narrow-eye’d look, prompting a trickle of cold sweat to run down the back of her neck while Mandy joined Dominique in glaring at her, fighting back a wince when another strike against her shin signaled her ‘leaders’ displeasure.

Ranma meanwhile, crossed his arms and hummed as he thought to himself, running over the list of moves he’d seen and knew wouldn’t be too flashy, but would prove he was telling the truth about ki manipulation.

...the belt buzz sawed through the air, mere centimeters from Akane’s back and Ranma froze as his fiance stared at him in in stunned silence while a shock of blue hair fell to the ground, still tied in a white bow…

Ranma blinked, and snapped his fingers as he said, “I got it.” before reaching out and flipping his pigtail over the front of his shoulder.  With another glance from side to side, he untied the little strip of cloth holding his pigtail tight and handed it to bushy-haired cynic.

Caitlyn took the tiny ribbon-like material and pinched it between her fingers, one eyebrow cocked curiously as she asked, “So...are you gonna make this disappear?”

“Nope.” Ranma said as he reached out to take it back from her. “Lots of Kung fu movies are filled with stuff that make real martial artists laugh, but some of it is based on things that real martial artists can do, even though they have to use special effects to cheat.”

The pigtailed boy fished an ice cube out of the glass of water next to him and set it on a napkin.  The three snobs blinked as Ranma flicked his wrist, and the crumpled piece of cloth suddenly stiffened and straightened out; becoming a white rectangle, like a piece of paper slightly longer and thinner than a razor blade.  Almost casually, he swung his hand over to the cube and brought the ribbon down, smiling smugly at the wide-eyes of the girls around him as his hair tie split the ice like he'd cut it with a knife.


“No fucking way…” Clover breathed while Sam and Alex, having forsaken their attempt to remain more inconspicuous, gaped in shock as they stared at the table some twenty feet behind them as Ranma retied his pigtail with the once again flexible ribbon.

“H-how did you do that!?” Dominique asked in a high-pitched squeak that sounded very familiar to the trio, having heard her give a similar exclamation on the video she’d recorded of Ranma and Alex, though this time her excitement was decidedly less sexual in nature, or so they hoped.

“Iron-cloth technique.” Ranma answered in a cheery tone, obviously enjoying the amazed looks on his audiences faces. “You infuse your ki into clothing to make it tougher or sharp as a razor.” Flicking his hair-do back over his shoulder, Ranma frowned a little as he said, “Trick is, using ki is…I'm trying to think of the word Britney used when I explained it to her.  I think she said it was sympathetic?”

“Like, what?  It feels sorry for you?”

“Not sympathetic like that.  I can’t just pick up a sock or something and stick some ki in it, it has to be some kind of clothing I’ve had for a long time and I’m kinda...connected to.” Ranma fingered his pigtail meaningfully. “This, some shirts and pants are the only things I’ve got that I could use that move with, and usually all it does is make my clothes tougher so they don’t get worn or ripped easily.”

“I am suddenly so jealous right now…” Alex muttered quietly.

“I want it.” Clover declared with a steely glint in her eye, thinking of several dresses and blouses she had tucked away in her closet for special occasions and imagining being able to look that good every day without worrying about ripping them.

“Anybody would.” Sam affirmed Clover’s statement, already jotting down theories regarding the possible durability of ki-infused cloth, her mind blazing with ideas of bullet-proof t-shirts, as ludicrous as that concept would have sounded to her a few minutes ago.

“Wow!  So, like, can everybody do that?!”

Sam quirked an eyebrow, as Dominique’s excitement was akin to a little kid at a magic show, and it sounded a little strange coming from her...although it was understandable, and Sam couldn’t fault her for wanting to hear more.

“Consciously?  Rarely, cause it takes years of training to reach that point, depending on a lot of stuff, like how well you know yourself and how in shape you are.” Clover watched as Ranma chuckled. “Britney actually took to it like a natural, and she was almost roof-hopping before I left Nerima.”

Sam, Alex, and Clover all shared mutual looks of intrigued curiosity as Mandy asked, “Like, roof hopping?”

“Yeah, she managed to jump 7 feet the day before I got on the plane, but if she keeps practicing, she’ll be able to hit 10 feet like nothing.”

The three spies twitched at that.

“T-ten feet?” Caitlyn whispered in utter shock. “You mean like, a running jump?”

“No.  Straight up.” Clover’s jaw dropped as Ranma emphasized his statement by pointing towards the ceiling. “If I push it, I can hit 25, 30 feet easily.  But if your boss lets me train you and the other agents, I bet I can get most of you up to 10 within a month or two.”

Alex’s eyes bugged, both from the shock of suddenly having Ranma blab about one of the most secret organizations in the world, and the thought of being able to perform feats like jumping onto rooftops as easily as hopping across a sidewalk puddle.  Plus the idea of the exercise and hardwork it would take to make her strong enough do something like that made her fight back the urge to moan in anticipation.

“A-agent?!” Dominique’s voice rose in her giddiness of what she was hearing, slipping from her false demeanor of someone who already knew what was going on as she asked, “You mean like, a secret agent!?”

Sam took a deep calming breath, trying to keep herself from flying off the hook as Mandy covered her lackey’s slip-up by quickly saying, “She means, why wouldn’t you want to be an...agent like us?  If you can do things like that-”

“Yeah, Britney said I might be able to stand-in for somebody once or twice, but I’d be better off as an instructor and a ringer in case an op went bad, like an in-house ‘oh shit’ button.” Ranma laughed lightly. “Besides, Britney kinda gave me the bug for teaching, cause she was so excited by what I was showin’ her how to do.”

(Of course she was excited, who wouldn’t be excited to find out there was a way to learn superpowers!?) Sam thought to herself with a mixture of elation and outrage.  On the one hand, her headache regarding the mystery of Ranma Saotome had all but vanished since he’d dropped the missing puzzle pieces into place with the force of a bunker-buster, but the fact that he was delivering this knowledge to three girls who weren’t just civilians, but were exactly the kind of people who should never be given access to the kind of power he was talking about, was keeping a decidedly painful throb somewhere in the region of her temples.

But then there was the last piece still hanging over Sam’s head.  The question of who ‘Ranko’ really was, and that was the only reason she hadn’t yet called an end to this farce by alerting Jerry to a breach in security so he could mind-wipe Mandy and her two flunkies.

As that therapeutic thought worked it’s way through her brain, Sam silently prayed that Ranma hadn’t blabbed to anyone else about all this sensitive information.


“It’s real…” Arnold sniffled as twin trails of tears flowed down his face, which had formed a heartfelt expression of pure joy as he whispered, “It's's really real…”

Donna stared at the nerd she was sharing a half of a headphone with, one eyebrow cocked curiously as she asked “What’s up with you, geek?  What’s real?”

“Street Fighter,” Arnold answered without looking at her, still enraptured by the knowledge he’d been granted from on high. “Dragon Ball Z.  The Hadoken and the Kamehameha…” his lip quivered as he murmured, “It's real!  Ki techniques do exist!”

Donna’s jaw dropped as understanding dawned and she whispered, “Holy shit…” before smiling widely with the blonde boy and elbowing him in the side. “I don’t know about the Kamehameha, but he might be able to pull off the Dodon Ray.”

“Maybe even the Solar Flare.” Arnold added with a nod and a rapturous smile.

Then her statement clicked and he blinked quizzically.  Turning to look at Donna, he asked, “Wait, how do you know about the Dodon Ray?”

“I was watching Dragon Ball on Netflix last week.” The biker girl replied simply. “Felt like seeing the older stuff before the next episode of Super came out.”

Arnold’s jaw dropped as he gasped, “Y-you watch anime!?”

Donna, not altogether liking being gawped at like the 9th wonder of the world, glared at the smaller boy and growled, “And there’s some reason why I shouldn’t?”

“No, no!” Arnold shook his head, fearful of the scary lady again as he stammered, “I-I just never met a girl who does, that’s all!”

“You probably have,” Donna snorted disdainfully. “They just never admitted it to you.”

The biker girl felt a flash of guilt as Arnold gave a soft, “Oh…” of understanding, obviously feeling hurt by her harsh words as he turned away from her.  Before she could apologize to the glum nerd however, the exposé continued and the two of them were distracted by Dominique asking gleefully, “Then, you’re gonna teach us!?  Can we start now?!”

“Sorry, but that’s not a good idea.” Ranma admitted in a worried tone. “The only reason I was able to teach Britney anything was because she had all sorts of gadgets to keep us from being noticed, and while it wouldn’t be nearly as dangerous to be discovered here as it would be in Nerima, it’d still be safer to wait until after I’ve gotten the okay from your boss.”

Donna gave a small sigh of relief as the bushy-haired bitch asked in a pleading tone, “You can’t show us anything?”

Ranma was apparently immune to the bambi eyes that the girl must have been giving him as he offered apologetically, “Sorry, but you’re gonna have to wait a little while.  But look on the bright side,” His voice perked up happily. “If Britney is what most of you guys are like, you’re probably gonna learn how to use ki pretty quickly.”

“We will?”

“Yeah, cause the three major points of learning how to use Ki is meditation, being healthy and fit, and knowing and accepting who you really are as a person.  Meditation is the hardest part, but Britney already knew a bit about that, and her body was strong enough to handle the basic stuff, and she loved being a spy so much, it was easy for her to accept who she really was and get a hang of her ki.”

“I should feel bad,” Donna mused aloud with a smirk on her face. “But I don't.”

Arnold, mentally jotting personal notes about himself while dreading the amount of exercise he might have to do in order to live every geek's dream come true, glanced at Donna quizzically. “What's that?”

“These bitches ain't spies, as fucking weird as that is to say with a straight face, which means his little pep-talk ain't gonna do them any good.” Donna’s smile widened a little more. “Unless, they wanna accept the fact that they’re a pack of lying cunts.”

Arnold frowned at the slur and said, “They’re not that bad.  They’re just victims of their upbringing.”

“Yeah, victims of being born with a silver spoon in their mouths.” Donna sneered derisively. “If it looks like a bitch and it talks like a bitch, odd’s are, it's not gonna turn out to be a sweetheart, geek.”

“Right...spies.” Mandy’s voice distracted the pair, as the snob sounded positively depressed as she apparently remembered that she and her cohorts were taking the boy in front of them for a ride. “So like, what else can you tell us?”

“Yeah!  Like, what’s the deal with your sister?” Dominique asked hopefully, obviously trying to veer the subject away from her disappointment over not being able to learn superpowers. “Did your dad engage her to random guy’s for food too?”

Dead silence met that remark and Donna shared a quizzical look with Arnold.

Then Ranma’s voice came through the line, and Donna froze as the color drained from Arnold’s face, the biker girl suddenly having a flashback to the day he’d humiliated the bitch trio, and how his emotions had frozen over to the point of death as she and the nerd heard him grimly intone My sister?

“I think they fucked up.” Donna whispered quietly as goosebumps formed across her skin, despite the warm California day and her leather suit.


Mandy sat back in her seat, wide-eye’d and fearful as Ranma was glaring furiously at Dominique, looking for all intents and purposes like he was a hair away from ripping her head off as he asked, “What do you mean, my sister?” in a voice that screamed, ‘these could be your last words, make them count’.

“Y-you’re sister Rach-I mean, Ranko!” Dominique squeaked, adrenaline helping her pull everything she could from her memories of Alex’s encounter with the redheaded girl on the bleachers. “You know, she went with you and your dad on that training trip but she goes to a different school?!”

Ranma’s eye twitched. “What school?”

Sensing she’d screwed up again, Dominique’s lips snapped shut with an almost audible click.

“What school does my sister go to?” Ranma repeated, his teeth gritted as he cast his eyes challengingly to the other two girls. “Since Britney said I was going to be watched at all times, which I figured was worth the damn price of staying the hell away from anyone who might come looking for me, what school did Ranko enroll in?”

Not recognizing a trick question when it bit her on the nose, Caitlyn thought quickly and jumped onto the only real possibility, as it was the only other school still in Beverly Hills and declared confidently, “She goes to Moreno High School, obviously.”

That earned the full fury of Ranma’s iron-hard glare focused squarely on her, making the bushy-haired girl reel-back as he snarled, “Considering Ranko doesn’t goddamn exist, that’d be a hell of a trick to pull off!”

“W-what!?” Dominique gasped in shock. “That’s not true!  I saw her!”

“Where?!” Ranma turned to her. “Where did you see Ranko!?”

Dominique swallowed nervously, wincing as though expecting a blow from him as she admitted quietly, “Last Sunday...playing soccer with Alex?”

Ranma’s eyes widened.  Mandy’s comment about Clover destroying his reputation like a wrecking crew, and how he’d assumed she was signaling him somehow.  Her and the other girls reactions, which he’d once again attributed to spy behavior as Britney was similarly twitchy about being called out on her job.  But then he ran over their questions in his mind, and he realized that the only ones which implied any sort of fore-knowledge from the three girls had come from the one who’d apparently spied on him and Alex...who was probably also the one who had seen him and Alex doing this-and-that in the locker room.

Understanding dawned, just like when Clover had spelled out her attraction to him before giving him one of the greatest nights of his life last Friday.  But now there was no payoff to the shot of awareness he’d been given.  There was only a cold dread as something broke inside him, knowing he’d just spoken at length on a subject that he had no business running his mouth about, and to three girls who’d shown nothing but hate and spite towards two girls who’d helped him understand more about normal relationships than he ever would have gotten in Nerima.

All because, despite everything he’d been through, he couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground when it came to figuring out he was being lead around by the nose by a manipulative bitch.

Mandy swallowed nervously as the pigtailed boy seemed to deflate, his eyes going dull and glassy before his bangs covered them as he lowered his head, slumping in his chair and looking completely unlike the confident teen he’d appeared to be since she'd laid eyes on him.  Instead, he looked exactly how she’d expect someone with a past like his would appear; beaten, numb, and despondent.

That thought gave the snob a swift kick in her sorely underused conscience with a steel-toed boot, and like most neglected things, it hurt all the more as she found herself grimacing in sympathy as she said, “Hey...Ranma, I’m-”


One word froze her still, her fear returning as Ranma filled his voice with as much menace and disgust as possible, which similarly kept Caitlyn and Dominique rooted to their seats as she was.

“I have never hit a girl in my life, and I never will.” Ranma intoned in that same voice, like his words were some kind of toxic sludge he had to expulse or they would poison him. “Not Akane, no matter how many times she hit me, or Nabiki when she ran me ragged, or all the fiancé’swho treated me like a trophy instead of a person.”

He looked up, and Mandy flinched at the utter hatred in his eyes, the stormy grey-blue turned into a barely restrained hurricane as he spat, “If you even think of apologizin’ cause you think I’m gonna forgive you, don't waste your breath, and don't insult me by sayin’ something if you don't mean a fuckin’ word of every other girl I’ve ever met.”

That said, Ranma pushed himself away from the table and muttered a cold, “Goodbye.” Before getting up and turning to walk away.

What should have been a truly poignant dismissal of the three snobs became something else, due to the capricious nature of the Jusenkyo Spring’s magic as a nearby patron carelessly leaned back in his chair, which coincidentally caused it to strike a passing waiter in his hip and threw him off balance.  The tray of iced mochas he’d been carrying went flying as he threw his arms out in an effort to keep from falling on his face, and it arced through the air to land squarely on the pigtailed boy’s head.


Clover’s jaw dropped, utterly shocked by what she was seeing.

Ranma’s hair had turned red.  Almost every strand on his head was bright red.

The moment the assorted caramel colored drinks had splashed across his upperbody, his hair had gone from stark black to a solid bright red.  He’d also lost nearly a foot in height and his broad shoulders had shrunk inwards, while his hips had flared, albeit not by too much, but enough to emphasize that he suddenly had more of an hourglass figure, where he’d been more of an upside-down triangle a moment ago.

There was silence in the cafe as the redhead’s blue silk shirt was stained a dark brown from the cold coffee soaking into it, eventually broken by a customer asking, “Hey, you okay, miss?”

(Miss?) Clover repeated inside her own mind as Ranma slowly turned around-

-and Ranko looked at Mandy, Dominique, and Caitlyn, her eyes despondent, disgusted, and brimming with unshed tears, as she responded to the man with a quiet, “Yeah...never better.” before turning back around and walking out of the cafe without a backwards look.

Clover, Alex, and Sam sat there for several moments, utterly floored as they tried to wrap their heads around what had occurred, while some customer’s murmured quizzical remarks about ‘thought her hair was darker’, before turning back to their drinks.

“He’s Ranko…” Alex whispered quietly, eyes wide and staring as she remembered the event’s from last Sunday and repeated, “He’s Ranko!” in a louder voice.

“Ranma’s a guy...Ranko’s a girl.” Sam’s mind spun a mile a minute as the last piece was slotted into place with an almost audible click. “He turns into a girl.”

“He didn’t cheat on me.” Clover’s lip quivered as she fought back the urge to cry, realizing just how badly she’d fucked up when she’d accused him of betraying her trust. “She’s not some girl from Japan he was sleeping with. She-”

A flash of motion interrupted the blonde, and the trio’s gaped as Mandy and her cronies had broken out of their stupor and were running after Ranma, leaving their own drinks behind as they ran out the door.

Sam shot to her feet and said, “Come on!” before she bolted too, with Clover and Alex hot on her heels.


Donna and Arnold were looking out among the people walking down the street, having heard enough to figure out that ‘something’ had happened, but neither were sure what it was as Ranma’s voice had disappeared before Arnold could realign his sensitive equipment.  As they looked around, Donna caught sight of a redhead girl crossing the street, heading away from the cafe with a foul expression.  Her eyes narrowed as she noticed the stained chinese-silk shirt the girl was wearing, recalling some kind of sloshing sound over the headphones.

Then her jaw dropped as the girl reached the front of small electronic shop and jumped 15 feet in the air, landed on the roof with absolutely no concern for having defied gravity, just as Ranma had talked about in the cafe...and somebody else who Donna hadn't thought about in a very long time.

Memories started barking in the back of her mind like dogs in a cage, and Donna breathed, “No fucking way…” as the redhead faded from view.

“What?” Arnold looked at the gobsmacked biker girl curiously. “Did you see-”


Arnold jumped and whirled around as Mandy and her cohorts ran up to him, while Donna shot the three snobs an ugly glare as the head of the pack shouted, “Where is she!?”

“She?  She who?”

“Ranma!  I mean, Ranko!” Mandy snarled at the nerd, who flinched back as she added, “The redheaded girl who just walked out of the damn Starbucks!”

“I-I didn’t see anyone who looked like that!”

“I did,” Donna offered grimly as she crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “But I’m not hearing a reason why I should tell you which way she went, bitch.”

Mandy looked at Donna, her fear from earlier and her caution towards the biker were swept away by a wave of outrage as she stomped right up to the girl who had almost a half-a-head on her in height, surprising everyone as she jabbed a finger into Donna’s chest and snarled, “You listen to me you low-brow thug!  I’m trying to do the right goddamn thing here, so you better tell me where she went, or so help me, I’LL-


Mandy blinked at the sound of a familiar voice calling her name and looked away from the girl she was trying to intimidate, and then blinked again as three people she hadn't expected to see today ran up to them, each of them wearing outfits that only deepened her confusion as the trio of crossdressers reached them.

“Runt?” Donna offered as she looked at Alex, who was wearing a men's dress suit straight out of the 1920’s, complete with bowler hat and fake mustache. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Our jobs!” Sam snapped angrily as she glared at Mandy, who returned her look with equal venom.

“Like, what the hell are you supposed to be?” Caitlyn scoffed with an incredulous look. “Some kinda spy?”

Sam slowly turned her head to focus her ire on Mandy’s hench girl, before something in her mind gave the executive order of (fuck it) and she growled in a low voice, “Ranma Saotome, AKA, Ron Sato.  Supposedly the leader of a group of terrorists known as the ‘Nerima Wrecking Crew’, who have caused more property damage in Japan than entire hurricanes!”

Caitlyn's jaw dropped along with Mandy, Dominique, Donna, and Arnold’s, with the leader of the bitch squad whispering softly, “Oh no way!”

“Newspapers, police reports, and security camera footage shows that wherever Ranma goes, destruction follows him, but with absolutely no explanation why he’s walking disaster area, and we had to find out why the hell he was here, and make sure he didn’t meet up with anyone who might be a part of the NWC.” The redhead pulled off the stick-on orange mustache from her upper lip with a brief wince before snarling, “So thanks for finding out we were supposed to be guarding him, but you’ll pardon me if I don’t feel like throwing you a parade!”

The quintet non-spies processed that in a quiet, wide-eye’d silence , before the only male of the group slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out his smartphone.

“Arnold, if you even think of telling anyone what Sammy just said, I will end you.” Clover promised with a scowl, making the nerd to squeak in fear and stick his phone back in his pocket with lightning speed.

“And if you wanted to google something on the NWC or Ranma, don’t bother.” Alex offered as she also removed her fake mustache with a small ‘ow!’ of pain. “Britney did something that acts like some kind of super-virus, and looking up anything about Nerima or him will make your computer glitch out really bad.”

“Y-y-you’re spies!?” Dominiques eyes bounced from Clover to Sam to Alex and back again.

Caitlyn, feeling decidedly wrong footed and wanting to reclaim a little bit of sanity in a world that had been flipped on it’s head several times over, looked the blonde up and down as she smirked cattily and said, “Wow, wonder how many secrets you've learned through pillow-talk?”

Clover’s eye twitched as she gave Caitlyn an acidic look. “Depends, are we including your brother telling me you shop at the outlet mall?!

“What’d you say, Fingercuffs?!”


Sam and surprisingly enough, Mandy both shouted in unison, their combined voices silencing their respective companions as the two of them shared a mutual expression of ‘110% done with this shit’.  Turning to Donna, Sam asked, “Where did the redheaded girl go?  She’s-”

“She’s Ranma, ain’t she?”

Sam gawped at the biker girl and her serious expression. “Someone spilled something on her, like water?”

“I-iced coffee…” Alex offered in a quiet voice, while everyone else similarly looked at Donna like the biker girl had suddenly sprouted a mohawk. “How did you…”

“My great-grandmother told me all sorts of stories when I was little,” Donna replied simply. “Plus, the redhead jumped on top of Bob’s Software like it was nuthin’,” the biker girl thumbed to the store in question. “So it wasn’t that hard to put two and two together.”

Most of those listening looked at the now significantly more interesting shop with wide eyes, while Sam focused on Donna and asked, “What kind of stories?” As she wanted to make sure the final report detailing Ranma Saotome didn’t have any wiggle room for misinterpretation.

“Fairy tales about hopping vampires, hungry ghosts, and magic curses that turn people into all sorts of stuff if they get soaked with cold or hot water.”

“Magic?” Mandy repeated in shocked disbelief while Sam closed her eyes and gave a personally disgusted sigh as she muttered ‘of course…’ under her breath. “Are you kidding me?”

Alex was struck by a sudden impulse and she fixed her number one tormentor with a pitying smile. “Oh you sweet summer child.  You know nothing.”

Mandy’s cheeks flushed at that, while spontaneous giggles erupted from Clover’s mouth and Arnold stared at Alex, shocked by such a geeky reference from his secret crush. Dominique however, looked worriedly at Donna and said, “But that wasn’t water…”

“The temperature was probably the important part,” Sam muttered as she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“Yeah, which is why one of you is gonna go get some hot water while I catch up to him-her.”

Sam’s eyes bugged and she looked at Donna in surprise. “Wait what?  How are you going to do that?”

“How do you think?” Donna said sarcastically before turning and darting across the street, heading for an alley between the electronic shop Ranma had jumped on top of and an empty store front with “For Sale” displayed in the window.  As she disappeared from view, the biker girl tossed over her shoulder, “I’ll call you when I find him!”

The three spies, snobs, and nerd all looked at Donna’s retreating back for a moment, before meeting each other’s eyes and descending into an awkward silence. Finding herself a little uncomfortable and trying to get some idea of the world they’d just stumbled into, Mandy asked, “ three are spies?  For how long?”

Alex smiled weakly. “Um...freshman year?”

The snob digested that for a second before voicing the opinion of her, her cohorts, and Arnold with a simple flat, “What.”

-W.O.O.H.P. HQ-

Jerry blinked several times as he tried to process that, and made a very good effort keeping his expression calm and composed while he asked, “He saved Agent Britney from you?  Why?”

“I was a maid for some crraaazzzyyy-ass bitch in Nerima.” The blitzed out pothead of a supervillain was back as she sagged to the point of almost melting into her mattress and spoke in the low drawl of someone who was two joints away from seeing the Jesus...again, in her case. “Kodachi Kuno.  Rich, from an old family.  Made all sorts of poisons and chemicals she’d use on anyone, from her brother and dad to rivals and even on Ranma too.  And she was in love with him!

“...she’d poison the man she loved?”

Myrna nodded. “Yeah...usually paralytics because he was smart and wanted her to stay the fuck away from him, and she needed to affirm their love-I thought that too!” The stout villainess said suddenly, giving a dopey half-grin to Jerry when his face paled, not realizing or possibly caring that everyone else had a similar reaction to her statement. “I thought she was gonna rape the shit out of him too!  But the ‘pure virginal maiden’ never talked about anything but kissing him!  I think the deluded witch thought he’d think she was his true love if she kissed him just once…”

Myrna blinked owlishly, and slowly turned her head away from Jerry to look at the ceiling thoughtfully. “...or she was gonna dope him with some kinda homemade Spanish fly mixed into her lipstick...Oh my god, that would explain so much…”

The very potent horror faded into a low-key sense of dread and Jerry permitted himself a small shudder while one of the guards whispered audibly to the other ‘that’s not much better…’, which was met by nods of agreement from a few of the doctors.  A feeling of sympathy came with the rapidly growing confusion, and Jerry mentally tucked away the contents of Britney’s report, as it seemed she had erred in several very important areas. “Miss Beesbottom, why would you work for someone like that?”

“Cause I wanted access to her labs.” She replied simply, and after a moment's pause, added a sardonically amused, “Duh.”

Before Jerry could prompt her again however, the villainess continued. “She had all kinds of shit, and with my knowledge, I could have made so much stuff that would have handed me the world on a plate!  But she caught onto me within the first day…” Myrna smiled thinly. “She knew a sneaky bitch when she saw one...but when I told her I could make some kinda brainwashed slave poison, she let me have access to her gardens and labs.  I mean, I had to play up her ego so it was like I was assisting her, but still…”

Something clicked in Jerry’s mind and his eyes widened. “Myrna, is that poison what you’ve been under the effects of?!”

The medical team collectively gasped, stiffened, or frantically began writing notes as their patient giggled in a decidedly lewd manner and said, “Yu-pah!  Test batch the crazy bitch hit me with when that tranny Ranma came into our base like the A-team.” Myrna looked around the group as a whole and threw her head back with a quick bark of a laugh. “Why do you think I’ve been all happy and honest with you people?  It’s cause my brain’s been lubed up to think I like doin’ anything you tell me to!”

Jerry frowned, both from the descriptor of his teams target, and the very crude and out of character slur used by his former agent.  One of his doctors had the same thought as he asked, “Ranma Saotome is transgender?”

“Uh-huh.  Sorcerously.”

That brought a pause to the group as a whole, and the same man who asked the previous question tossed out a confused, “Excuse me?”

“Magic curse…” Myrna slowly turned her head from side-to-side, like she was denying someone in slow motion or watching a hypnotist’s amulet that only she could see. “From China.  Splash him with cold water, he turns into a redheaded girl, and hot water turns him back into a guy.” the villainess’ voice turned bubbly. “The crazy bitch who drugged me didn’t know they were the same person!  Even when his dick got swapped for a pair of tits right in front of her!”

(‘irrevocably a brother and sister’) Jerry stiffened as he heard his own voice from when he debriefed Agents Samantha, Clover, and Alex last week.  While the medical team jotted down notes and started buzzing with theories regarding biological make-up and the effects of spontaneously switching genders, he resumed the interrogation, if he could call it that. “Myrna, what happened between Agent Britney and Ranma?  Why did he rescue her from you and your employer?”

That was an accident.” Myrna frowned darkly, and Jerry got the distinct impression that if she wasn’t under the euphoria-inducing effects of the drug, the ex-agent would have flown into a frothing rage at the memories running through her head. “Crazy bitch kidnapped Ranma’s fiancé and didn’t tell me about it until after he came to the rescue...if she’d just focused on making the damn formula and not tried to use her as a ‘test-subject’, we would have been fine, but nnooooOOOOooooo…”


“Arranged marriage...The crazy bitch hates her, but she doesn’t even realize that the spoiled brat also hates Ranma’s guts, and she probably could have had him if she just asked nicely…”

“Am I the only one who’s feeling sorry for this Ranma guy?”

“No!  No, you are not!” Myrna declared loudly to one of her guards stage-whisper, startling him as she proclaimed, “Hell, I felt bad for him!  I even offered to brain-wipe the crazy bitch so she’d leave him the hell alone, and I was actually bein’ half-way honest about it!  Until he insulted me that is…” The blonde woman gave a great booming laugh. “Oh man, now that I’m outta there, I gotta remember that one!  I mean, if anyone calls me that again, I’ll rip their lungs out, but it was pretty funny.”

Jerry cocked an eyebrow quizzically. “What did he say?”

“Something in moonspeak that I didn't get, but he said it translated as ‘Moaning Wasp-ass’,” Myrna Beesbottom replied with a smile.

While immature, Jerry still had to cover up his slight smile, and reassumed his impassive facade. “What happened after he insulted you?”

“Well, at the time, I was in full bad guy mode.” Myrna replied in a blasé tone. “And I was pissed by that nickname, so I said I was gonna use something nastier than brainwash-in-a-can on him.  The Kuno bitch heard me and…” The woman made a ‘psshh’ noise like some kind of sprayer, while moving her head like she was hosing something down for emphasis.

The medical team added that to their file, noting that the fact that she’d been coated in some kind of drug that could be absorbed through the skin and how that could explain her extreme reaction, while Jerry frowned and connected the dots between Myrna’s story and Britney’s report.  Acting on a new theory, the spymaster asked, “Miss Beesbottom, you said that Ranma Saotome is the closest thing the wrecking crew has to a leader-”

“Yep.  Cause he’s the strongest out of all of them.” She turned her head towards him and stage-whispered, “He can throw tornadoes...”

Jerry’s eye twitched. “What.”

“Some kinda martial art he learned, I couldn’t believe it when I saw it!  And, he regularly gets into duels to the death with this crazy boy who can blow up rocks by poking them!  I mean, Ranma doesn't see them as duels cause the cocky little shit always wins, but what would you call it when a guy learns how to make his punches ‘asplode like a hand grenade and tries to hit you in the face with it?”

While Jerry was tempted to look further down the rabbithole, he could feel his sanity slipping enough as it was.  Setting his face in a grim scowl, he stepped closer to Myrna and informed her coldly, “Miss Beesbottom, the boy known as Ranma Saotome is in Beverly Hills right now.”

Her expression changed like a flipped lightswitch.  Instantly, her giddy relaxation turned into wide-eye’d fear and she whimpered, “Oh God, I think I pee’d a little…”

One of the doctors checked the bedpan with obvious hesitation while Jerry went on as that earlier feeling of dread returned. “Now, do you mind explaining to me-”

“Is he alone!?”

Myrna’s terrified whisper interrupted him and Jerry found himself locked in her gaze, like a she was a child begging a parent to reassure her that the monster in her closet wasn't real. “Jerry, please for the love of God, tell me Ranma's alone!!!”

Jerry nodded slowly. “We didn't believe so at first-” the villainess stiffened and he finished quickly “-but now that we know of this curse you mentioned; yes, he’s alone as far as we know.”

While the doctor came back up from looking under her bed, shaking his head and looking grateful that he didn't have to swap out her bedpan, Myrna raised her eyes to the ceiling and moaned, “Jesus Christ, Jerry!  Don't scare me like that...fucking hell, no caffeine for me, thanks…”

“Myrna, we have too little information and a very increased level of danger if even half the things you’ve told me are accurate.” Jerry stated seriously. “As far as we have been told, Ranma is responsible for untold amounts of property damage and wanton destruction, as the leader of the Wrecking Crew, and I need you to tell me what’s really going on here.”

It seemed like the adrenaline from her brief scare had allowed more of Beesbottom’s less ‘whimsical’ personality show through as she gave her former boss a steely-eye’d look.  Like the professional agent she used to be, which only brought a potent feeling of regret to Jerry at her wasted potential, Myrna explained, “Ranma is the leader of the ‘Wrecking Crew’ in the same way that a rock star is the leader of a pack of crazed groupies and stalkers.  He can't crack a fart without someone trying to kill him because it wasn't the right color, and then someone else will go after the first psycho for acting like the he or she deserves to say anything about his bowel movements, but that won't last long before they both team up on Ranma for making a nasty smell.  They follow him, but they sure as fuck don't listen to him and they all get along like wet cats in a sack.  But these ‘cats’ are martial artists who snap physics over their knee and have ZERO concept of the phrase ‘collateral damage’.  Got it?”

While the expressions on the faces of the people surrounding her grew grim, the drug coursing through Myrna’s veins took hold again and that goofy grin returned to her lips.  She settled back into her pillow, clearly done with her explanation and weary from her sporadic bursts of energy. “How long until she makes a full recovery?” Jerry asked as he watched the lines of stress fade from his former agents expression.

“A week at most.” The lead physician replied. “It would be faster if she could give us the details on the formula-”

“That's fine.  She’s told us all she needs to.” The spymaster turned on his heel and made for the door and tossed over his shoulder, “See to it that she makes a full recovery.” As he left the room.

But then stopped when Myrna called, “Hey, Jerry?” And he looked back, seeing that she was in the same position as when he’d chosen to make his exit and hadn't even opened her eyes. “You know were a good boss...and you’re a nice guy.”

Feeling like someone who’d gotten a drunk text from an ex, Jerry smiled awkwardly and replied, “Thank you, Myrna.”

“So, I’m gonna tell you a riddle,” she went on like she hadn't heard him, while still looking like she was sleeping peacefully. “If a freight train flew off the rails and plowed through Beverly Hills; and someone from Nerima found out Ranma was here and came looking for him; what would be the difference between them?”

There was a pregnant pause as Jerry’s smile disappeared and he replied, “I don't know.”

One of Myrna’s eyes cracked open and her lip quirked slightly. “The difference is, the freight train would eventually stop.”


Ranma-chan slowly walked along the sidewalk, not-quite dragging her feet as she finished her roof-bound trek away from the three heartless bitches she’d been stupid enough to trust with her new life, and walked the remaining distance to her apartment at street level.

(I’ll have to leave a note for Britney.) She thought solemnly, not knowing or caring about anyone who gave her a second look due to her messy clothes. (And the cards she gave me for those bank accounts.  I’ll have to empty them out-)

The redhead stopped, a scowl darkening her features for a moment before she shook her head and snarled, “, she helped me enough, I’m not gonna take advantage of her trust!  I’ll grab enough for some food, and then I’ll leave…”

Ranma’s scowl faded and a despondent, hopeless feeling grew inside her as she hung her head. (I...I have to leave...I didn’t even get a month to be happy, and now I can never come back…)

Donna gasped for air as she rounded the corner of the building, having taken something of a shot in the dark and assumed the redhead used her mobility to move ‘as the crow flies’, and in a straight line away from the cafe.

(or, as the granny hops) The biker girl gave a small smile despite herself, as she remembered the cackling laughter of her great-grandmother, along with the virulent swears she threw at the older woman as she tried to keep up with someone who looked like Yoda and jumped like Spiderman. (Still, I hope he didn’t go further than this, ‘cause sprinting 5 blocks is pushing my limit.)

As she thought that, Donna looked around and stared as she caught sight of what looked like an inkblot floating above the sidewalk, a little ways up the street from her.  A strange feeling came over her as she looked at the thickening black spot, noticing tinges of green at the edges, and the way that many people were walking past it with only the barest of second looks.  Then something else showed through the darkness, standing out all the more as Donna caught a glimpse of something bright red in the mass.

Adrenaline speeding her recovery, she ran towards the anomaly and shouted, “OY!  Ranma!”

Ranma-chan blinked, feeling the depression and the heavy-chi that had been drawn to her because of it abating at the sound of her name being called.  She turned around, and blinked again as she saw a familiar face heading towards her, though thankfully not the kind of familiar that would come from her being called out by one of her former rivals or fiancé’s.  Letting the beginnings of the Shishi Hokudan she’d unconsciously been forming slip away, she turned around and called, “Donna?  What’re you-”

Ranma-chan stopped suddenly and frowned as she remembered that Donna had never met ‘Ranko’ before, and turned away from the biker girl, throwing over her shoulder, “I’m not who you think I am…” as her guy-side’s former friend caught up to her. “So just go away and-”

“Yeah, not happening, Sato.” Donna tossed out with a snort. “Or should I say, Ranma Saotome?”

Ranma-chan immediately whirled around and stared at Donna, whose lips were pursed in disapproval as the redhead stammered, “D-Donna?!  How did you know!?”

“Some nerd was recording your ‘date’ with the bitches,” Donna spat angrily. “And I was gonna beat him up, but then we both heard what you were sayin’ and…”

Ranma-chan paled as she whispered, “Oh kami no…”

“Saotome, believe me when I say there’s a lot more going on than you realize.” Donna offered with a not unsympathetic look before pulling out her cellphone.  After a quick look around, noting the street names and nearby buildings, the biker girl sent off a quick text and returned her attention to the still sorrowful looking redhead. “Tell you what, while we’re waiting for the others, how about we get some ice cream?”

“Others?” Ranma-chan asked quietly, her eyes widening in fear. “What others!?”

“Your real bodyguards showed up after you ran off, and they’re more dedicated to their job than you thought.” Donna said with a smile before nodding to her left, which was a nearby Dairy Queen. “My treat?”

Ranma-chan looked between her and the ice-cream shop several times, her despair and desire to flee warring with her appetite until she sighed heavily and said, “Fine...but whoever Britney got to watch me better have a way to fix this mess.”


Clover sighed in relief, flanked by Sam and Alex as they spotted Donna and ‘Ranko’ sitting on a bench a little ways up the road. “Oh thank God, she did find him.”

“Her.” Alex corrected her friend, though she also shared the blonde’s relief.

“Call him-her whatever you want, once we find out what the hell’s goin’ on,” Mandy grumbled from behind the trio, before looking over her shoulder and asking, “You got the water, Arnold?”

“Y-yes, Mandy!” the blonde boy replied, holding the 16-ounce cup in front of him like it was the holy grail.

“Good, cause I have to see just how deep this rabbit hole goes.” Sam threw out as she headed for the distant pair.

Donna spotted the group approaching first, and nudged Ranma-chan’s shoulder and said, “Here they come.”

Ranma-chan looked up from her treat and blinked several times as she caught sight of the same girls he’d run away from a little while ago, along with...

“Clover-chan?  Alex?  What are they doin’ here?”

Donna smirked at the redhead’s confused look. “Like I said, they’re dedicated to their job, eh?”

Ranma-chan’s eyes widened as that sank in, and she whispered, “They were the ones Britney was talking about!?”

“Apparently.” Donna nudged the redhead and said, “How about you go talk to ‘em yourself?”

Confused and a little apprehensive, Ranma-chan got to her feet as the sept-tet neared and called out, “What are you guy’s doing-”

Once again, the being who created Jusenkyo proved itself to be a mischievous and rather dickish creature as an otherwise innocuous part of the curb seemingly leapt up out of the ground.  Granted, it was all of a quarter of an inch, but it was more than enough for the clutzy Arnold to catch with the toe of his shoe and almost immediately faceplant with a pained cry, while the large cup of warm water he was carrying landed in the most obvious location.

The six girls blinked in unison as the redheaded girl who had been holding an ice cream cone and wearing a stained shirt that had been nearly dried out, suddenly turned into a dark-haired boy holding a melting mass atop a waffle cone and wearing a sopping wet shirt.  Ranma smacked his lips a few times and looked down at his snack, before saying, “You know, it says something when I’m more pissed that my ice cream is ruined than being exposed again.” While the biker girl behind him threw her head back and laughed uproariously.

“Ranma?” Alex asked hesitantly as the pigtailed boy sullenly dropped his cone into the gutter. “Is that really you?”

“Yeah, it’s me, Alex.” Ranma muttered without looking at her.

“I don’t believe it…” Dominique declared as Donna stood up off the bench and walked up behind the currently boy with a grin. “You were right about him changing back with warm water…”

At that, Ranma’s eyes snapped open and he turned to look suspiciously at Donna, who shrugged with an unapologetic grin. “”What can I say?  Granny’s fairy tales were pretty memorable.”

“Your grandmother knew about Jusenkyo?” Ranma muttered, not losing his wary, tense posture as he eye’d up the biker girl.

“Great-grandma.  And she could use ki, like you were talkin’ about earlier.” Donna’s smile turned decidedly smug as she licked her ice cream. “She could roof-hop like it was nobody’s business, but I always thought it was ‘cause she had a pogo-stick hidden in that stupid staff of hers.”

Ranma froze, his mind spinning as he started making connections at a rapid pace. “D-did your grandmother come from a village called Niuchezu?”

“She never said the name, but she did say it was a little podunk in China full of boss-ass bitches.”

Sam looked between Ranma and Donna, totally lost but curious to see what the reason was for the sudden interrogation.

“Did she have a name that sounded like a beauty product?”

Donna blinked along with everyone else, confused by the non-sequitur question. “Beauty product?”

“Like, Xiam pu, which sounds like Shampoo!” Ranma explained with an edge of nervous energy. “Ku lon, Cologne!  Mu Tsu, Mousse!”

Donna’s expression changed, her eyes narrowing a little as she looked at Ranma for a moment before answering. “Granny Lo...Lo Xion...lotion...son of a bitch.”

One last nail needed to hammer down his theory, Ranma looked Donna up and down, studying her intently before settling his eyes on her head. “And let me guess; that's your natural hair color, isn't it?”

“WHAT!?” Donna barked in outrage while her cheeks suddenly turned crimson, and the remainder of the group was torn between giggling, blushing, looking confused, or some mixture of the three. “What the hell are you asking that for?!?”

His Nerima instincts kicked in, and Ranma waved his hand placatingly as he backed away fearfully from the suddenly hostile pinkette and stammered, “I-it’s not like that!  If you’re really an Amazon, then it all fits!”

“If I'm a what?” Donna fist tightened as she growled at the back-pedaling boy.

Ranma broke out into a cold sweat. “A...Joketsuzoku?  A Chinese Amazon?”

“Chinese Amazon’s?” Sam repeated, her confusion regarding his too-personal comment fading as she looked at him incredulously. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

Remembering the tinkle of that damnable bell on Shampoo’s bicycle, and a certain bubbly voice proclaiming ‘Wo ai ni!’, Ranma grunted, “I wish.  Shampoo’s been chasing me for the last year ever since me and pops walked into her village, and for the first three months of it, she was trying to murder me, so I'm kinda familiar with the subject.”

The American teens digested that with varying expressions of renewed shock, while Donna hissed through red cheeks, “And what does that have to do with my hair?”

“Every Amazon I met had all sorts of wild hair colors, and Shampoo was naked around me so often that I knew her hair color was natural even though it freaking purple.”

Sam’s eye twitched at that, running over the new information she’d gotten and matching it up with Ranma’s behavior as Alex looked curiously at the still blushing biker girl and asked, “Donna?”

Donna looked at her friend, then to the other assorted girls, and her eyes finally settled on the geeky boy she'd been somewhat bonding with a little awhile ago.  She and Arnold met each other's eyes and they both turned beet red before looking away from each other, with Donna coughing awkwardly into her fist and muttering, “That’s personal, runt.”

While such a response would sometimes be an effective deterrent, in this situation, a non-denial was as good as an admission and the spies along with their counterparts all gaped in shock as Clover blurted, “Like, seriously?!”

“Jeez, I thought you acted really butch.” Caitlyn looked at the pinkish-red hair topping the biker girls head. “But now it kinda evens out.”

Bitch, don't make me put you through a wall!”

“And that's the clincher.” Ranma stated with a satisfied nod. “You’re definitely a Joketsuzoku, or at least your grandma was one.”

“How does her threatening me translate into being an Amazon?” Caitlyn asked while keeping her eye on the scowling Donna.

“Put it to you this way,” Ranma said with a foul look. “Shampoo played up the ‘backwoods bimbo’ act by pretending she didn't know how doors worked, and would smash her way through every wall of any building I happened to be in when she attacked me.  Or later when she wanted to flirt with me.”

“...smash walls?” Sam’s mind churned back over the photographs and security videos Britney sent with a more understanding.  Refocusing her attention on Ranma rather than the now embarrassed apparently Amazon, the redhead calmed herself down and adopted a professional air. “Ranma, as much as I hate to tell you this, but Britney did say the Nerima Wrecking Crew was some sort of terrorist cell.”

Ranma gaped at her for a moment, before groaning in disgust and saying, “Great...I should have known…no wonder you told Clover I was dangerous…”

The blonde narrowed her eyes, as she never told Ranma about what Sammy had said about him and asked pointedly, “How do you know that?”

Ranma returned the blonde’s glare. “Cause I was at the mall on Saturday and I heard you three talking about me!  Why do you think I went to talk to Alex about your ex-boyfriends to see if there were any nasty ones?  I didn't want her thinking I was gonna hurt you!” He accompanied this statement with a gesture to Sam.

Clover winced, which Ranma matched as the two of them looked away from each other, obviously still hurting from their break-up, as well as the new realization of their mutual mistakes regarding the secrets they’d kept from the other.  Rather than letting that particular drama bomb go off, especially while she was still in the vicinity, Samantha caught the pigtailed boy’s attention again as she asked, “So, if the Nerima Wrecking Crew aren’t some kind of terrorist cell, then what are they really?”

Ranma met the redhead’s eyes, and Sam felt a brief twinge of something in her chest.  Guilt for assuming the worst about Ranma, but at the same time a kind of happiness at finding out he wasn’t the horrible monster she’d been painting him as.  But all that only lasted for a moment before Ranma replied in a weary, frustrated tone. “The ‘Nerima Wrecking Crew’ is a joke name that Nabiki came up with to describe my fiancé’s and rivals, since the fastest way to tear down a building in Japan is to have me inside it.  5 minutes after I walk in the door, there’ll be at least 3 people tearing the place apart who want to kill me, marry me, or both.”

Sam maintained her calm and collected demeanor rather well, though the same couldn’t be said of Alex as she asked tremulously, “R-rivals?”

“Yeah, rivals.” Ranma scowled. “Cause for every girl chasing me, there are twice that many guys who want my head on a stick, and always because they like one of the girls chasin’ me and want her to stop, or they think I’m disrespecting her for being a philandering lothario.  Most of the time though, it's both.” The pig-tailed boy shook his head, looking away from the girls as he added, “All of them, fiancé’s and rivals both, are strong fighters...and at some point or another, all of them have said they wanted me dead.”

Another silence descended at that, broken by a few sniffles as some of the assorted teenagers felt a wave of sympathetic sadness for the pigtailed boy.  One particular crying girl gave a quiet whimper of, “Oh my God!” Before she suddenly lunged forward, burying her face in Ranma’s chest as she started sobbing into his shirt, paying no attention to how her own clothes were getting soaked from pressing herself against his sodden outerwear.

Ranma blinked in shock, before looking down at the blonde who was embracing him and giving a soft sigh.  He gently wrapped Clover in a warm hug, holding her shaking shoulders as she moaned, “I’m so sorry!” Over and over again.  As much as a part of Ranma wanted to believe she was faking, now that he knew she was one of his handlers, her current display along with the things he heard when she didn't know he was listening made it clear that what she’d felt for him was real.

Sam was with Donna for maintaining her poise, although the biker girl looked like she was simply channeling her pity into contempt for these supposed rivals and fiancé’s of Ranma’s.  Ignoring the loud honk from behind her, which came from Arnold blowing his nose on a tissue provided by Dominique, Sam coughed pointedly and declared, “In any case; Ranma, would you be willing to tell our boss everything you told us?  About the wrecking crew and you and Britney’s plan once you got to Beverly Hills?”

“Yeah.” Ranma nodded as he looked up from consoling his distraught ex-girlfriend. “Yeah, I’ve got no problem with that.”

“Good, cause the first chance I get, I’ll call him up and-”

The redhead was interrupted by a warbling tone from a pocket of her suit.  While she reached into the pocket in question, Alex said softly, “Wow...what a coincidence.”

“Coincidence?” Mandy asked before doing a double-take as Sam pulled out a compact make-up kit.  Then the snob’s jaw dropped when the kit opened and a man’s voice came out of it.

“Sam, I need to speak to you and your team right away about your mission.”

“Good timing Jerry.” Sam replied while ignoring the stares she was getting from most of the group. “Because we found out some new information on Ranma and we need to set-up a meeting-”

“Set-up will be unnecessary, Samantha.” Jerry cut her off abruptly. “Transportation is on the way, brace yourselves.”

Sam paled and shouted, “Wait, Jerry NO!” But too late as her apparent boss hung up, leaving her and her teammates to groan miserably while everyone else looked worriedly between the three girls.

Except for Dominique, who was still buzzing from the high of knowing real secret agents and was scanning the sky frantically as she asked breathlessly, “Like, what kind of transport is he sending?!  An invisible jet!?”

“A VTOL?” Arnold continued in just as much excitement. “Like a harrier or something?!”

“Not exactly,” the three spies groaned in annoyance.

Ranma felt a rumble through his feet, and his instincts kicked in as he tightened his hold on Clover before springing into the air, only to gape in surprise as the sidewalk underneath their group suddenly fell away and dropped the other teens into some kind of tube with a series of shocked screams.

As he landed on the edge of the sudden pit trap, Clover looked down at the hole with wide eyes and said, “Holy...I can't believe you managed to avoid that…”

Taking her lack of panic as a sign that what happened wasn't unfamiliar to his companion, Ranma looked down at the metal-lined tunnel with wide, incredulous eyes, “This is the ride your boss sent?”

“Yeah, but this is the first time I haven't been caught by it.” She looked away from the hole to Ranma and gave him an appraising look. “You really think I could learn how to do that?”

“Uhh, yeah?” Ranma offered hesitantly. “Yeah, eventually.”

Clover studied him for another moment, and a slow smile spread across her face as she tightened her hold on him and purred, “Ranma, you have no idea how happy I am with you...but like, we should follow them, cause Jerry wouldn't have called us without a good reason.”

“Got it.” Ranma nodded as he hefted the blonde into a bridal carry and dived into the tube, ricocheting off the walls to control his descent as the sidewalk lifted back up into place, as though it had never been anywhere else.


Jerry cocked an eyebrow at the jumble of limbs he’d found splayed across the landing couch, finding a rather larger number of bodies than usual.  While unusual by itself, the fact that two of his agents were wearing men’s dress clothes, and three of the other figures were girls he nominally recognized as thorns in his favorite spie’s sides, and the last two…

Were a reedy blonde boy that he also recognized, who was pinned down by a girl in a red leather biker’s suit, both teens wide-eye’d as they stared into each other’s eyes.  Of course, that was because their landing had resulted in the young woman’s lips being planted square against those of her accidental French tutor.

“Well now,” Jerry said with an amused smile, covering his surprise easily at the more-numerous-than-expected visitors. “I wasn’t expecting you to bring along company, Samantha.”

While Alex and Sam collected themselves with practiced ease and started assisting the other girls, the biker and the boy were both suddenly sitting at opposite ends of the couch, moving so fast that if Jerry didn’t know better, he’d have thought they’d teleported.  While he amused himself at thinking up a particular name for the precise hue of red their cheeks had turned, his eyes narrowed as he realized there was actually one less visitor than there should have been.

“Where is Clover?”

Before Sam or Alex could reply, a thudding sound came from above.  By the time Jerry looked up, a blur of blue, black and tan shot out of the hole in the ceiling and landed on the floor.  The aging spymaster blinked at the sight of Clover, dressed in a similarly metro-sexual manner as her cohorts, being carried bridal style by the target of their latest mission.  As Ranma Saotome looked around, Jerry noted the protective way he was holding onto his agent and found himself lending a fair bit of credibility to Myrna’s statements regarding the teenager’s heroic instincts.  Of course, considering the way Clover was clinging to him, the spymaster had a feeling that she hadn't lost any of the ill-conceived attraction she held towards the pigtailed teen.

As he focused his attention on Jerry, Ranma took stock of him quickly and appraised him in a moment as someone who was surprisingly spry and fit for his age, but still way weaker than anyone back home. “Are you Britney’s boss?”

Jerry didn't bat an eye at the blunt question. “I am.”

Ranma carefully set Clover on her feet next to him and faced the grey-haired man.  After taking a deep breath, Ranma closed his eyes and bowed respectfully to the head of WOOHP and said, “I'm Ranma Saotome.  Sorry for causin’ you so much trouble, sir.”

Jerry chuckled at that, thinking about how such an encounter would have surprised him if not for the play-by-play he'd gotten earlier from Myrna. “It’s quite alright, Mr. Saotome.  From what I understand, I should be thanking you for protecting one of my agents.”

Clover did a double-take and blurted, “Wait, what?” as Sam and Alex finished rearranging the civilians and moved forward to stand next to her.

“Yes.  Miss Beesbottom has regained consciousness, though her mental state leaves something to be desired at the moment, and she explained that Mr. Saotome rescued Britney from her and prevented the creation of a truly diabolical mind-control serum.”

Mandy shared wide-eye’d looks with the other ‘civilians’ at that, while Sam looked at Ranma and said, “You rescued Britney?” In a weak, slightly despairing voice.

Jerry noted the unusual tone from the ‘leader’ of the team as Ranma chuckled in embarrassment. “Yeah, that was kind of an accident ‘cause I didn't know she needed rescuin’ until I was facin’ off against Shinjirarenai.”

Alex snorted rudely and started giggling, which prompted curious looks from her teammates until Jerry said, “Very amusing, Saotome-san.  Now, if you don't mind, I would like to know why I have the pleasure of your company.” And gave his agents a pointed look.

Taking the 5 pound hint to get on with the debriefing, Sam adopted a businesslike tone and posture while quietly suppressing her guilty conscience in regards to her earlier pessimistic assumptions about Ranma’s character. “Agent Britney falsified her report, because she believed that Ranma Saotome could be a valuable ally for WOOHP, in the form of an instructor or an agent.  However, due to...circumstances at home-”

Ranma scoffed quietly, which earned him a few sympathetic looks from many of those around him, including the grey-haired spymaster.

“-she believed it would be best if he left Nerima and escaped to Beverly Hills, while she remained behind to cover his trail.  Since Britney didn’t know how long that would take, she exaggerated her report so Ranma would have ‘bodyguards’ watching him for an indefinite period of time.”

Jerry nodded thoughtfully. “Considering what little Miss Beesbottom informed us of, I believe I would have done the same, at a minimum.  However, how did you come to this conclusion, Agent Simpson?”

Sam gave a weary, frustrated sigh. “Numerous inconsistencies in Ranma’s behavior contrasted with the image painted by Agent Britney regarding his supposedly villainous motivation.  Then,” Samantha looked over her shoulder towards the three snobs on the couch and added with a definite note of disgust, “Complications resulted in Ranma filling in those three on the reason why he was really here, which is when I was about to call you for a debriefing.”

As the spymaster looked at them, Mandy swallowed nervously and wondered if they’d give her and the others the decency of a warning before putting a bullet in the back of her head. (like spies usually did) Granted, it sounded like they weren’t those kind of spies, but the snobs mind was still spinning at a quick pace and wondering how she could get out of this alive.

Then she noticed Ranma looking at her, an absolutely foul expression on his face like she would give a piece of dog crap on the sidewalk or sweater from Goodwill.  That face upset her, but also reminded her of the reason she’d followed after the boy in the first place and she called, “Wait!  Please, wait a minute!” before Sam could speak again.

Jerry regarded the snob with a cocked eyebrow and asked, “Yes, miss MacDonald?”

(Okay, he knows your name, bad sign.) Mandy swallowed heavily as she stood up and addressed the grey-haired brit. “I...I don't mean to interrupt...but I just wanted tell Ranma that I’m...really sorry about this.”

Ranma rolled his eyes and snorted in obvious disbelief, and Mandy scowled angrily at the pigtailed boy’s back.

“I'm serious!  I had no idea this was…” she gestured to their surroundings. “Like this!  And you would have all that...stuff!”

“And why the hell does that mean I should believe you?” Ranma threw the snob a withering glare. “You had no problem using me to hurt Clover when you thought I was just a normal guy.”

Jerry made a mental note of that, while Mandy’s cheeks flushed and her eyes lowered for a moment. “You want proof?” The dark-haired girl asked quietly before turning to the blonde boy who was still on the couch. “Arnold, gimme the recording.”

“What?  Why would you-”

“Did I freaking stutter!?” Mandy snapped, causing Arnold to yipe fearfully before reaching into his briefcase and pulling out a complicated looking piece of technology.  Jerry watched calmly as the boy extracted an SD card and handed it to Mandy, who immediately walked over to the apparently non-villainous young man his best team had been watching for the past few weeks.

Mandy, looking and feeling contrite as she stood in front of the glowering teenager, held out the card and offered a quiet, “I am sorry...and I mean that...really.”

Ranma looked from her face to the little piece of plastic, and considered her words before gently taking the thumbnail-sized piece of circuitry from her and pinching it between his fingers.  After a second, the card snapped in two, making Mandy flinch and while Jerry had a thought that the display of strength was some sort of intimidation tactic, the fact that Ranma didn’t look at her when he effortlessly broke the card said otherwise.

Then there came a small whine from the couch, and Mandy snapped over her shoulder, “For God's sakes, I’ll buy you a new one, Arnold!”

That brought a few chuckles from the group while Arnold blushed in embarrassment, and Ranma gave Mandy a half-hearted, somewhat appraising look before nodding. “Guess that does make you better than other girls back home...thanks.”

“At least I didn’t try to make you look like a rapist.”

Jerry’s eyes bugged at the bitterly worded and very disturbing statement, while Ranma merely snorted in grim amusement. “Yeah, but trust me, that still ain’t the top of the pile.  Damn close though…”

“What!?” Clover gawped at the pigtailed boy, her lip quivering as she blurted, “What could be worse than that!?

As Ranma turned around, Jerry cleared his throat meaningfully, bringing the attention of the teenagers back to him, along with their companion and guests, the later of whom were watching him with more than a bit of fear.  After a moment to make absolutely certain he had everyone’s attention, and enjoy the nervous suspense of the girls who’d hindered or annoyed his best agents, Jerry smiled and said, “It’s very nice to see you again, miss MacDonald, not that you would remember, of course.”

Mandy’s eyes widened and she stared at the balding brit in confusion. “Like, what?  How would I know you?”

“You’ve been here before, Mandy.” Alex answered in lieu of her boss. “WOOHP erases the memories of civilians who find out they exist.”

“Wait, what!?” Mandy gaped at the hispanic girl, shocked and suddenly filled with hope of being able to walk away from here alive. “You’re not going to kill us?!”

Jerry chuckled lightly. “That’s the second time you made that assumption, Miss MacDonald and believe me, if that were ever an option, I doubt you’ve done any more to warrant such a grim result as the last time you and your companions were here.”

Caitlyn and Dominique sat up straighter, the latter of the two asking, “We were here too?  Why?”

Samantha looked over her shoulder, and while she would have liked to see the trio sweat a little more, the fact that they’d tried to find Ranma and Mandy of all people apologized made up for a lot of her frustration and she offered, “Some whacko brainwashed you three into attacking us on a mission.  We caught him and sent him to jail, so don’t worry about that happening again.”

Mandy blinked, finding it hard to believe that she’d been in danger, but far more surprised to hear that the three girls she’d all but sworn a blood oath against had saved her and her cronies lives. “Oh...thanks?”

“What about us?” Donna asked pointedly from the couch, hiding her apprehension under a bit of narrow-eye’d bluster. “You’re just gonna bleach our brains too?”

“It’s not so crude an experience as that,” Jerry corrected her with a not unsympathetic look. “But our operational security does depend on secrecy, so we will have to erase any memories you have of the day's events-”


Jerry blinked and returned his attention to Ranma, the boy having been silent for the following exchange, but was now looking at him with a serious, disapproving expression. “If you gotta cover up Sam, Alex, and Clover-chan being spies, that’s one thing.  But I don’t want you to erase the stuff I told them about me.”

Keeping his face carefully neutral and not calling attention to the rather interesting addition to Agent Manson’s name, Jerry regarded the boy with renewed interest as Mandy stared at Ranma in complete surprise.

“Britney told me you guys do that kind of thing, and I understand it, but I don’t like it.” The pigtailed boy frowned as he remembered the mess Shampoo had dragged him into the first time she’d shown up in Japan. “I’ve got personal experience with that kind of thing, and being forgotten like that is one of the worst experiences in the world.”

Mandy wasn’t alone in regarding Ranma with renewed curiosity and more than a bit of sympathy, though she did blink when he turned and gave her a small half-smile. “Besides, if you forgot about the stuff I told you today, you’d go back to being the girl who wouldn’t have given me that recording and apologized, and I like this you a lot more than that one.”

(He’s not flirting with her.) Clover thought as she twitched and stopped herself from fixing Ranma with a look that would have incinerated him on the spot. (He’s just being a sweetheart and he sure as fuck isn’t flirting with Mandy, even if she did act like a decent person for once.)

While Clover was restraining herself with some difficulty, Mandy blushed as a warm, grateful feeling came to her chest.  While the happiness of doing the right thing was present, there was a small part of her that insisted she’d done the smart thing by giving Ranma that card, because having a boy who could use (and teach!) superpowers as a...not enemy was preferable to any payback she could have gotten from posting that recording online and letting the plebeian masses do whatever they pleased with it.

“I will take your request under advisement, Saotome Ranma.” Jerry replied with a smile. “But I think we can swing that, as I believe we owe you that much for saving Britney’s life and helping her complete her mission.  However, there is the question of why one of my best agents would compromise herself for your sake beyond mere gratitude.”

As he turned back to the older man, Ranma gave a small sigh and asked, “How much did Shin-sorry, I mean, Myrna tell you?”

“She informed us of the...peculiarities of the group we’d mistakenly believed you to be the leader of, though now I believe you were the ‘Wrecking Crews’ leader in the same way that a fox will lead of a pack of hounds and their master.”

(Sounds about right.) Sam thought darkly, that guilty twinge acting up again while Clover muttered, “No kidding…”

“That’s...I don’t really get that reference, but if you mean they never left me alone, then that’s about right.” Ranma replied, his expression darkening. “But the main reason Britney helped me was because she saw what I could do and since all the stuff I’ve learned was through training, it means that anybody can do it if they put their mind to it.”

Seeing the boy’s scowl, Jerry cocked and eyebrow and pointedly asked, “And what else, Saotome-san?”

“And…” Ranma closed his eyes, his hands clenched into fists as the image of the fat panda and it’s human counterpart flashed across his mind. “She was repayin’ the favor, when I saved her life.  Because she found out just how messed up my life really was...and how everything I’ve done was going to go to waste, because of some selfish, lazy, panda.”


“My old man, he’s got a curse that turns him into a panda, like I turn into a girl.” Ranma answered, noting but ignoring the quiet gasp from Alex as he went on. “And for the longest time, I thought it was because the cheap bastard didn’t want to buy a tour guide in a language he could understand...but then I found out the truth, and I couldn’t stay in Nerima anymore.”

Before he could be prompted for more information, Ranma stepped forward and gave Jerry a look that banished any of the remaining doubts from the spymasters mind regarding Ranma’s mental and moral fortitude.  There was anger and just a hint of sadness, but a will of tempered steel that said the boy was using his fury and pain to make his resolve to do the right thing even stronger.

“Sir, my old man was a piece of sh-garbage who made a lot of mistakes, but the biggest mistake is the reason I’m here right now and asking to work for your organization.  He taught me that martial artists are supposed to act honorably, protect the weak, and do the right thing, even though he didn’t believe a word of it himself.”

“Back home, I wasn’t honorable, because I pulled a lot of dirty tricks and while I wanna say it was justified ‘cause I was fighting people who’d stacked the deck against me.” Ranma gritted his teeth. “That ain’t an excuse I wanna use again.”

“I didn’t protect the weak,” he went on, his knuckles whitening as he clenched his fists. “I got dragged into fights that were none of my business, fightin’ for people who wouldn’t even give me a ‘thank you’ or a ‘good job’ before roping me into another scheme because, ‘Ranma Saotome never backs down from a challenge’.”

That phrase, spat with such bitterness and contempt, brought a host of sympathetic looks from from everyone present.

“And I never did the right thing, even when I thought I was, because I was treated like a mushroom by my old man and everyone else around me; kept in the dark and fed a load of shit while I went around thinkin’ my pride meant more than anything else in the world.  A lot of my problems could have been solved if I said I was sorry, or if I tried to come up with a solution that didn’t involve the Art, or went out and learned things on my own instead of relying on someone else to spoonfeed me the answer.  But I didn’t, and all that did was trap me in a deeper hole that I couldn’t get out of on my own.”

Ranma’s eyes never wavered, though his tone had shifted a little during his speech, and the core of his willpower remained as he finished with a serious, “Britney pulled me out of that hole, sir.  And she told me how I could do all the things I’d been taught to do...but I’ve never did and never would if I stayed in Nerima.” the pigtailed boy bowed again, deeper than he had before in a clear marker of respect and a request for aid as he said, “Jerry-san, I want the chance to do what I was taught to do, what I’m supposed to be doin’...please.”

Although Ranma didn’t see it due to his lowered eyes, Sam caught Jerry’s smile and she felt a relieved, happily expectant flush appear on her face while Clover hissed a barely audible, “Yes!” under her breath and Alex grinned from ear-to-ear, even as she wiped away the few tears that had escaped when she’d heard the circumstances of Ranma’s upbringing.

Mandy rubbed her arm, thinking about what she’d heard and having to admit that this was probably the best thing for Ranma, if his life had been that messed up in Japan.  Of course, she also afforded herself a nice look at the pigtailed boy’s ass while he was bent over, which was shared by Caitlyn and Dominique as the former lightly elbowed the latter in the side, and the two of them nodded in agreement.

The three snobs, plus Arnold and Donna, were startled out of their casual observation as the M&M shaped machine hanging from the ceiling just above and behind the old man lowered itself and a digitized feminine voice said placidly, “Shall I submit Saotome Ranma’s application now, Jerry?”

“Not yet, Gladis.” Jerry shook his head, though his smile didn’t fade as he added, “There are protocol’s to such things, even if a future employee is of exceptional quality.”

Donna and Arnold blinked and shared a look from their opposite sides of the couch.  The blonde nerd mouthed a subtle variation on the machine's name, and Donna smirked before softly whistling an upbeat tune that made Arnold grin and snicker in amusement.  This earned the pair a set a confused looks from the two snobby girls sitting between them.

“Saotome-san, while I cannot hire you at the moment, you will be happy to know that I am not going to leave you to twist in the wind.  Agents Manson, Simpson, and Rodriguez will continue to safeguard you and make sure none of your ‘fan club’ will discover where you have fled to.”

Clover resisted the urge to squeal with giddy excitement, and through the gigantic smile on her face, she mentally categorized all the toys and lingerie and oils she had access to and ran down a checklist of positions to try with her beau-

After they have given me a personal report of their investigation so far.”

Clover’s fantasies crash halted and her face fell when she saw Jerry fixing her with a suspicious look, and she had to suppress the urge to run away from her boss very very fast.  Alex clearly had a similar idea as she gave a small whimper of fear, while Sam closed her eyes and made a quiet noise somewhere between a groan and a sigh of resignation.

“But after that, I would like to discuss something of an ‘internship’ with you, so I can get a better idea of what you can bring to my organization.” Jerry thought for a moment and added, “Also, I’d like to get as many details on your circumstances as possible, because at the moment we don't actually have any information on who is involved in the ‘wrecking crew’ besides yourself.” The spymaster’s eyes narrowed. “Which seems like a gross miscalculation on Agent Britney’s part, frankly.”

“Actually, that was...kinda intentional.” Ranma scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. “Cause if anyone showed up looking for me, they’d be really obvious about it, and I know some stuff’s been wrecked in Nerima, but our fights never involve…” The pigtailed boy trailed off as he searched for the right word.

“Civilians?” Jerry offered, thinking back to the tapes and pictures he’d seen and how there hadn’t been any sign of personal damage, such as blood stains or clothing or other biological debris.  At the time, he’d assumed the images had come after those injured or worse had been taken away, but now…

“That’s it.” Ranma nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, the fights get a lot of attention and usually attract an audience, but we’re alm-always careful about hurting anyone else.”

Jerry noted approvingly that Samantha had also noticed the relatively minor slip-up on Ranma’s part.

“If you guys knew who was in the Wrecking Crew, you’d try to take em down yourselves and just get hurt.” Ranma shrugged. “Me and Britney both agreed the better choice was to wait for one of them to come to me, because when they attacked me, you’d figure things weren’t on the up-and-up and could arrest ‘em after I beat ‘em without your agents getting hurt.”

Sam felt something else inside her mind give, and she sagged as she looked at Ranma and quietly asked, “You were...using yourself as bait?”

“Umm…” Ranma looked curiously at the redhead, wondering why she suddenly looked like a half-deflated balloon as he replied, “Kinda, yeah?”

At that, Sam closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hand, which prompted a concerned, “Something wrong, Samantha?” from her boss.

“Just realizing I’m a stubborn, suspicious, bitch…”

Snorts, staring and quizzical blinks followed that statement as Jerry uttered a flabbergasted, “Excuse me?”

“I’ll explain during our debriefing, Jerry.” the redhead replied without lifting her head from her hand, while Alex patted her friend reassuringly on the back and Clover had the smuggest of smug grins plastered across her face.

“Right.” Jerry replied with obvious curiosity, but he didn’t press the issue as he turned to Ranma and asked, “Well, I appreciate your efforts, Saotome-san, but as we are now supposed to be guarding you, I will need to get descriptions of your followers ASAP.”

Ranma frowned. “No offence, Jerry-san; your guys might be good, but they ain’t Nerima good.  So I’ll tell you who’s in the crew, but if any of them show up, don’t try to arrest em if they ain’t doin’ anything wrong yet.  Just give me a heads up so I can hide and figure out a way to lure them out of town.”

The spymaster thought for a moment, then nodded in agreement. “Very well then.  Now,” Jerry nodded to Mandy and the other 4 guests, who stiffened when he addressed them. “If you wouldn’t mind, ladies and gentleman, we’ll be sending you home now.”

As the door to her left slid open, Mandy looked at the metal-lined hallway beyond and whimpered fearfully. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather-”

She stopped when a hand was laid on her shoulder, and looked up to see Ranma smiling at her reassuringly. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll go with and make sure they don’t try anything.”

Jerry was tempted to reassert his stance that his organization would not ‘brain bleach’ more than was necessary, but held his tongue as Ranma’s words had the intended effect as Mandy hesitantly nodded and said, “Okay...but if they do something to us-”

“Then I’ll get you out of here, I promise.” The pigtailed teen laughed lightly. “I’m pretty much an expert at daring rescues, so don’t even worry about it.”

While confusing, his statement eased Mandy’s mind, and soon Jerry was left alone with his agents.  He regarded the trio with the professional, suspicious air of a father who woke up and found the family car parked at an odd angle (on the porch across the street.) “Well, girls?  Shall we start the debriefing?”

(Oh sure, Ranma’s gonna protect Mandy,) Clover internally moaned as she wondered if she could make a break for it. (But who’s gonna protect us!?)


Ranma headed down the hall with Mandy and her cronies, as well as Donna and Arnold.  The sextet were mostly silent, with the three snobs watching the pigtailed teen warily and hopefully, like he was both a siren announcing the presence of a hurricane and a sturdy shelter to protect them from same.

Donna however, eye’d up Ranma interestedly as she recalled the out-pouring of spite he’d loosed regarding his father. “So what's the deal with your old man, Saotome?  Cause it sounded like you wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.”

Ranma chuckled at the crude statement and offered a simple, “Sounds about right...I mean, I my respect for him dropped when the first of those fiancés showed up, and all the other bad decisions he made started coming home to roost.” his amusement faded into a dark scowl and he felt the heavy Ki gather slowly at the edges of his aura. “But when Britney gave me his journal, that was when I said fuck him and everything he stands for.”

Turning his head, Ranma glanced at Mandy and said, “Neh, Mandy?  Do you  know what’s one of the greatest skills for a fighter to have?”

Mandy blinked, confused as the sudden attention, but went along with Ranma’s game as she answered, “Umm...being really strong, I guess?”

Donna snorted rudely, which earned her an ugly look from Mandy as the thug chortled, “And what good is being strong if you can't hit the guy?  My granny said speed takes priority over power.”

Arnold, thinking on his various anime experiences, hesitantly said, “Umm, being able to analyze your opponent so you know what they'll do next?”

Donna blinked at that and then grumbled when she realized she’d missed the better answer, as Ranma looked at the blonde boy and replied, “You’re closest, but all of those are important, and I was trained in them too.  But the big one is how to improvise and adapt to your enemies fighting style, and that’s what my old man taught me how to do, even though I never realized it.”

“S’cuse me?” Donna looked incredulously at the pigtailed boy. “I thought he taught you cheap shots and how to run away from your enemies.”

“Yeah.” Dominique scowled darkly as she remembered a piece from the recording she’d made. “Like, ‘grab a girls tits so she’ll freeze up’?”

Mandy and Caitlyn’s eyes twitched and Arnold gawped at that, while Ranma muttered darkly, “Yeah, he showed me how to do all that crap, but it wasn’t because he wanted me to be a coward.  He did it cause that made it easier on him as a teacher.” The pigtailed boy scowled as he looked away from the group and focused on the hallway ahead. “His entire life, all he ever wanted was the easy way out to some kind of respectable job, while still doing what he loved.” Side-eyeing Donna, Ranma spat, “Founding a famous martial arts school was what he came up with.”

“And he taught you dirty tricks ‘cause that made founding a school easier?” Caitlyn pursed her lips in confusion. “I don't get it.”

“I would inherit the Saotome school, but teaching people how to run away would shame the school.  If all the school’s ‘Secret Techniques’ are worthless, then someone’s gonna have to come up with new ones.”

Caitlyn's eyes widened in understanding and Donna breathed a soft, “Son of a bitch…”

“Yeah, all I learned was the basics and how to think on my feet, and that I have to accept any challenge, no matter how braindead stupid.” Ranma stopped walking, his eyes hooded and lips curled in a sneer. “The school would be famous because I’d fight anyone who walked in the door and wanted to try their luck, while my training would let me stay ahead of anything they’d throw at me until I figured out my opponents weak points and improvised some way to kick his ass.”

Turning to the group, Ranma regarded them with a sullen look, “Pops gets to retire after founding a famous martial arts school, which he never created secret techniques or a formal training regimen for, and gets to spend the rest of his life laying around and doing as little as possible.” The pigtailed boy held up a finger. “And he gets all that, from training one.  Single.  Student.”

The hallway was quiet for several moments, before Arnold muttered, “Mas Oyama is spinning in his grave right now…”

“Like, who?”

Recalling that Mandy didn’t have the same breadth of knowledge he did, Arnold amended his statement with a hesitant, “Bruce Lee?”

The snob ‘ahh’ed and nodded in understanding. “Like, totally.”

Ranma nodded in agreement, a small smile on his face as he realized there was someone else he could probably discuss martial arts with besides Donna, even if the end goal he’d been striving towards had changed drastically. “Yeah, though that didn’t stop my old man from putting me through a trainin’ regimen that even Oyama or Lee wouldn't go through.”

“Yeah?  What's that?”

Recalling how ‘dodgeball with beehives’ had apparently been an understatement, Dominique hesitantly rebuffed Donna’s question. “I’d rather not know, frankly.  I already think I’m gonna have nightmares about today.”

Donna pursed her lips, but offered a conciliatory, “Yeah, good point.  Cause no offense, Ranma, but your life sounded like a trainwreck.”

A few hundred yards away, several doctors and nurses glanced up from their notes as their seemingly asleep patient snickered and said, “Callback…” before drifting off into a true slumber, while the pigtailed boy replied wearily, “You have no idea…” as the teens continued their trek through the high tech halls.


“I see.” Jerry mused with a serious expression. “And there isn't a definite number to these fiancé’s?”

“No, Jerry.” Sam affirmed with a shake of her head. “He said his dad never recorded them in his journal, probably so there wouldn't be any evidence.”

“Didn't seem to help matters,” Jerry observed as he sat back in his chair. “As these people were able to find him as soon as he settled down.” The older man’s eye’s narrowed. “There may be something there, and we should ask Ranma about that when he returns.”

“And about that ‘mini-mob boss’ sister-in-law.” Sam threw in, her frown speaking volumes, though not as much as Alex’s scowl or Clover’s quiet mumblings which sounded like language unbecoming of a young woman.

“The one who came up with the nom de guerre for Ranma’s followers and believed threatening to make him look like a sexual predator was a funny prank…”  Jerry completely understood his agents anger, though the extreme displeasure from the more ‘free-spirited’ member of the team had all but confirmed his suspicions regarding her behavior towards WOOHP’s latest ally.  Turning to the agent in question, Jerry asked, “Clover, do you mind explaining to me more of the details on this date you went on with Saotome-san?”

Clover jerked her head up, snapped out of her decidedly horrific musings on the punishments she wanted to visit on the cunt who’d taken advantage of her former/future boyfriend as she stammered, “W-what?!  Our date?!”

“Yes, your date.” Jerry affirmed with only a slight narrowing of his eyes. “I trust you were a professional in your involvement with Saotome-san?”

A drop of nervous sweat ran down Clover’s neck and she gave a weak laugh as she scratched the back of her head and smiled a touch too widely. “Y-yeah!  Totally chill super spy, that’s me!”

As one, Sam and Alex both closed their eyes and their head drooped, each sharing a similar thought of (Zero.  Fucking.  Poker face.) and waited for Jerry to call the blonde out on her pathetic attempt at deception.

“Really?  Well, that’s good to know.”

Sam and Alex’s head snapped up and they gaped at the relieved smile on Jerry’s face as he added, “I was worried for a moment there, because your little spat with Saotome-san almost seemed like a lovers quarrel.”

(Oh God.) Sam went pale as she saw the obvious ploy on the part of their leader and braced herself for the bombshell. (This is gonna suck.)

“No, no, obviously me and Ranma didn’t do anything like that!” Clover replied with a laugh that was totally genuine and not at all stressed-induced from stark terror at being caught in a lie. “I mean, I just kissed him goodnight!  That wasn’t over the line, was it?”

(Wait for iiittt……)

“Hmm, it’s toeing the edge...but I don’t see too much of a problem with it.” Jerry said after a moment of thoughtful consideration.

(Here it comes…)

“But that shouldn’t be any problem, as long as your report matches the electronic data from your cameras.”

Sam’s head dropped and she internally groaned, (Thank you and goodnight) with a resigned sigh as Clover’s back snapped ramrod straight, she and Alex both looking at their boss with matching expression of mute horror as she squeaked, “Th-the data?”

“Yes, the recordings from your spy cameras to make sure everything matches up with yours and Saotome-san’s story.” Jerry regarded the two whey-faced girls and gave them a look that screamed ‘innocent curiosity’ as he asked, “There isn’t a problem with the data, is there?”

Clover and Alex both shared a look of quiet fear and dread, only to be broken by Sam intoning in a dead voice without raising her head, “Clover.  He knows.  Just get it the hell over with.”

After a quick glance from her co-conspirator to her redheaded leader and then back to their boss, Clover closed her eyes and sagged as she murmured, “I slept with him...third base.”

Jerry sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, having expected something like that, even if it was still a disappointment regarding her lack of restraint.  Thinking that, judging by their behaviors, Alex had known about Clover’s dalliance and covered for her while Samantha had tried to stop it, Jerry turned to the Hispanic member of the trio and said, “Miss Vasquez, is there anything-”

“I did too!”

Jerry blinked at Alex’s mournful wail. “You what?”

“I did it with Ranma too!” The mocha-skinned beauty moaned regretfully through crimson cheeks. “I went all the way with him in the girls locker room at school, and it was awesome!

Excluding the fact that she was discussing a romantic tryst in the same way a grieving widow would lament over her spouses open grave, Jerry’s calm facade shattered with the force of a small grenade and he blurted, “Excuse me!?!” In utter shock.

“Alex has a slight hormonal issue with athletic activity, sir.” Sam explained without raising her head, while Alex sniffled, her cheeks burning with humiliation after confessing her sin. “I’ll spare you the details, but after playing soccer with ‘Ranko’, Alex went to shower and relieve some stress, not knowing that Ranma had the same idea, and didn’t know he was in the girls locker room until Alex walked in.  In Alex’s state of mind, Ranma was like catnip to her.”

“I...I see…” Jerry murmured, unable to tear his eyes away from the crying latina and utterly flabbergasted by the thought that the most innocent of his agents could behave in such a way as befitting the undoubtedly least innocent one. “Anything else?”

Clover and Alex shared another look.  Regret and sorrowful embarrassment radiating off both of them, which increased by an order of magnitude when they looked back at Jerry and Clover groaned, “I ‘kissed’ Ranma,”

“And I had sex with him,” Alex added with a small sob.

“And then we both had sex with him.” Clover grimaced.

“At the same time.” Alex finished with a whimper.

Sam’s eyes opened.  Slowly, more and more of the white of her sclera appeared as she raised her head, not even noticing that Jerry had matched her expression of ‘critical cranial meltdown’ as all her attention was focused on Clover and Alex.  Her head swiveled between the two girls, back-and-forth between sagging regret and crying shame at a gradually accelerating pace until she and Jerry both shouted the same thing at identical volume and nearly identical pitch.



Outside a certain Starbucks, Mandy and her cohorts were walking away from the coffee shop with Arnold bringing up the rear while Donna walked just behind him, merely heading towards her waiting motorcycle rather than walking with them. (or so she’d said)

“I gotta say Mandy.” Arnold stated with quiet admiration to the lead snob. “I’m glad you gave Ranma the recording instead of…”

“Instead of bein’ a bitch.”

Mandy glared over her shoulder at the nonplussed Donna and snapped, “Hey, I’m not that mean!  Even if he did steal our underwear!”

“Except, he gave em right back.”

Dominique snorted. “What else would he have done with them?  Throw ‘em in a pile and hoard em like they’re collectors items?”

While a sneeze sounded somewhere in Tokyo, in Beverly Hills, a girl with long, bushy black hair gave her her short-haired brunette companion an incredulous look. “Like, what kind of pervert would do that?”

“I don’t know, I’m just throwing ideas out there.” Dominique replied to Caitlyn’s question. “I mean, if Ranma had worn them, it wouldn't be as weird ‘cause he actually could if he got some cold water first.”

The group thought about that for a moment before Donna said, “You’re taking his whole curse thing really well.”

“Yeah well, I’ll freak out about a guy turning into a girl some other time.” The bushy-haired girl waved off the biker. “I mean, he might try something with it, but aside from the underwear thing, he was straight up horrified when Alex walked in on him in the locker room, and he didn’t even realize it wasn’t the boys room until she told him.”

“Kinda hard to peep on girls in a place where there’s lots and lots of hot water nearby.” Arnold said thoughtfully. “One splash and he’s beyond dead.”

“I don’t know.” Mandy said quietly, frowning as a thought occurred to her. “If he got splashed in the boy’s locker room, it’d be an instant peepshow.”

The others matched her ugly expression, each of them considering the negatives of having a gender-flipping curse like that, before Donna offered quietly, “It could be worse.”

“How's that?”

“Granny told me that hunters from her village were ordered to bring back live animals they caught, and that all meat had to be boiled before they cooked it.” Donna’s lip curled in disgust. “I thought she was bein’ weird back then...but now that I know the curse is real-”

“Please stop.” Arnold asked quietly, his cheeks an unhealthy green tinge which was matched by Mandy and her crew as they considered the horrific idea of accidentally cannibalizing someone.

“Right.” Donna shrugged before turning to her ride and saying, “I'll catch you guys at school on Monday.”

“Okay.” Arnold nodded, feeling a little despondent from having enjoyed the biker girls company, He started to turn away and follow Mandy and the others, then paused and looked back at Donna. “Hey, Donna?”

Donna turned to look at him, sitting astride her bike while snapping her helmet on. “You need something, geek?

“Ahh…” Arnold blushed and walked back to her, prompting curious looks from the snob trio as he stood in front of the biker girl and said, “Umm, have you ever seen Magi?”

Donna cocked an eyebrow under her helmet. “Can't say I have.  Don't have that much time for watchin’ anime, so I usually stick to the more well-known stuff.”

“It's, ah, it's really good.  I mean, I like it, and I was wondering if you might-”

Arnold's nervous babbling ended in a panicked yelp when Donna reached out and grabbed him by the lapels of his shirt, yanking him forward and giving him a very clear look at her narrowed eyes behind the visor of her helmet. “Are you asking me out on a date, geek?”

Arnold gave a small whimper, before offering a hesitant, “Maybe?”

Mandy watched her go-fer being manhandled by Donna, and while she was curious what brought it on, she was fairly certain the creepy little nerd did something to deserve it.  Then Donna turned towards them and called out, “Hey!  You three got any plans for him?”

“Not really.” Mandy replied with a questioning look. “We’re all just going home.”

Despite the relative distance between them, Mandy still managed to see Donna’s wide smile underneath her helmet before she turned back to Arnold and said something Mandy couldn't hear, but whatever it was made the nerd simultaneously pale and blush even harder.  The snob’s jaw dropped when Donna yanked Arnold forward and pulled him onto the back of her bike.  After turning and saying something to the blonde nerd that made him suddenly latch onto the leather-clad girl like a spidermonkey, Donna’s bike engine roared when she gunned it, and soon the pair were speeding away down the road.

Mandy stood there for a moment, staring at the place where Arnold had been all but kidnapped along with her two minions, when Dominique quietly said, “Is it weird that I could accept a guy turning into a girl, but now I can't believe what I just saw?”

“I...I don't think so.” Caitlyn offered with a small shake of her head.


“When!?  HOW!?”

“Monday, after you came up with that stupid 3-way date idea!”

STUPID!?  You just proved exactly why it wasn’t a stupid idea!  What the hell were you thinking!?!”

“I was thinking that you were wrong and I wasn’t going to wait until after you figured that out to show him the best night of his life!”

“And you dragged Alex into it!?”

“No!  Sammy, Clover didn’t tell me either!  I just went to visit her house, and I then I got curious what Ranma was up to and when I turned on the cameras, I saw them!”

“How does that lead you to fucking both of them!?”

“I-it was really hot, Sammy!  And I called up Clover after the first time cause I wanted to ask her if I could sleep with him again!”

“H-ha-habba, how the-?!”

“But she said it wouldn’t be cheating if we were with him at the same time, so-”

“So you’re blaming me, Alex!?  Some gratitude!”

“I’m not blaming you, I’m being honest!  It was the greatest night of my life!”

“You’re insane!  Both of you!  How in the name of hell did you two think something like that wouldn’t end in disaster!?!”

“Sammy, I’m pissed that we got caught, but don’t think for a second that I will apologize for screwing Ranma into the ground, because nothing you or WOOHP could do would make me feel sorry for-!”


All three girls arguing silence immediately, and they focused their attention on their red-faced boss.  The normally calm, intractable brit looking like a police chief in an buddy-cop action movie seconds before screaming for the protagonists to turn in their badges.  While Sam wondered if the throbbing vein in his forehead meant the older man was in serious danger of rupturing something, Jerry intoned grimly, “Girls...I can safely say that I have never been more disappointed in you than I am right now…”

Alex gave a choked whimper and Clover looked away guiltily.

“Even if you were proven correct in your half-baked, optimistic theory that Saotome Ranma was not as villainous as he’d been painted, that does not excuse you getting close to him, nevermind being intimate with him; especially when your orders were to do the complete opposite!

As much as Sam wanted to enjoy her cohorts justified comeuppance, she couldn’t bring herself to savor the dressing down Jerry was giving them.  Especially because it was obvious that she wasn’t going to be getting out of this unscathed, as exemplified when Jerry looked at her and asked sternly, “While it’s obvious that you had no idea about the menagé a trois your partners engaged in with the target of your mission, would you mind explaining to me why you kept silent about their other dalliances, Samantha?”

“...I trusted that Clover would be careful, and not do something stupid,” Sam replied, ignoring the ugly glare that the blonde sent her way. “And I had no idea that Alex would have done...what she did.” Again, the redhead ignored her other partner as the hispanic girl gave a low, sorrowful whine. “But the intel they gained was muddying the waters regarding Britney’s information, and I wanted to see what else they could dig up, as long as they stopped crossing the line with him.”

Jerry’s eyes narrowed. “So, you used your partners to gather information?”

“Yes and no, Jerry.” Sam replied honestly, frowning a little at his accusatory tone implying that she used her two best friends as tools for the sake of the mission. “That was a side-benefit, because if Ranma was as bad as we’d been told, I wanted Alex and Clover to be front and center, so they would learn why we’re not supposed to get that close to dangerous suspects.”

Jerry nodded at that, though he said with a measure of disapproval. “And now that it seems you were wrong?”

Sam shot a look at her partners before answering, “I while I would have been well within my rights to call in a different team, as this outcome is only going to reinforce their bad behavior-”


“HOWEVER!” Sam shouted, drowning out the hurt and outraged cries coming from either side of her. “Since it turns out Clover and Alex instincts were right and Ranma wasn’t as bad as he appeared, I think the better solution would have been to alert you to the inconsistencies, and prioritize some way to get in touch with Agent Britney to double-check her findings, because then this whole mess could have been avoided and we could do our actual mission, instead of going off of intentionally misleading intel.”

Jerry pursed his lips, even as he privately approved of Samantha’s diplomatic turn around which had successfully soothed her friends hurt feelings.  Nevertheless, he nodded and said, “Duly noted, Agent Simpson.  You do realize that does not mitigate some form of punishment towards your partner's, correct?”

“I do.  Though if you ask me,” Sam looked meaningfully at Alex’s tear-streaked cheeks. “I’d say their punishment can be a bit lighter, considering...”

The older man likewise spared the distraught latina a sympathetic look. “So it appears.  But there are rules about this sort of thing, so if you don’t mind, let’s get down to it.” Jerry waited for a moment as his three agents comported themselves like the professionals they were, (supposed to be) before continuing. “As Saotome Ranma was placed here deliberately, and the danger he faces is grave enough to warrant such close observation, it would be a mistake to move him somewhere else at this point.  Furthermore, taking you three off this mission would be rather impossible without a similar transfer elsewhere, which is out of the question.”

“However, in light of the lack of professionalism you have shown, I will be putting restrictions on your current assignment.” Jerry’s eyes narrowed. “As Saotome Ranma is not a suspect, the majority of your surveillance equipment at his apartment will be directed towards the outside rather than inward, to keep a watch for external threats and protect his privacy, save for the commonly accessible areas such as the kitchen and living room.”

Clover pouted at that, mentally waving a sorrowful goodbye to her early morning schlick sessions with a heavy heart.

“Also, all videos from those feeds will be submitted to WOOHP headquarters on a daily basis, and any attempt to edit or delete portions of the footage will be met with severe reprimands.”

“Yes, Jerry.” The three girls affirmed with varying levels of sullen acceptance.

“Furthermore, Agent Clover and Alexandra will not be allowed to associate with Saotome Ranma outside of public settings,” His eye twitched slightly. “Or anytime where they would be together and alone with him…”

Clover gritted her teeth, before saying, “Yeah, got it Jerry.” While Alex nodded somberly.

“Also, after I get descriptions of the Wrecking Crew from him and a demonstration of his abilities, Agent Samantha will begin training under Saotome Ranma as soon as possible to test the veracity of his claims regarding ki usage and how it can be learned.”

Heads snapped up and the girls gawped in shock at their boss, with Sam blurting out, “What!?  Training?!  Me?!?

Jerry nodded. “You have shown a significant amount of restraint regarding Saotome Ranma’s apparent charisma, as well as keeping your mind on the mission at hand, even if it turned out to be a misinformed one.  While there is no doubt that he is a good man who wants to do the right thing, I would rather not throw my agents at him en masse and expect him to perform miracles.  After we have gotten an accurate summation of his abilities and decide if they are worth the effort, you will be the ‘trial run’ to see if his skills can be taught to others, and his skills as a teacher.”

“You want me to be the guinea pig,” Sam offered slowly, “To see if he can really teach someone to have superpowers?”

Sensing her hesitancy, Jerry cocked an eyebrow and asked curiously, “Is there a problem with that?”

“Besides the fact that Ranma undersold the training he went through by saying he played dodgeball with beehives?” Samantha offered with a hint of dread. “Yes.”

Jerry’s eyes narrowed as Clover and Alex stiffened, the two of them sharing a worried look behind their leaders back as the spymaster said, “Duly noted.  However, considering that Saotome-san was training Britney before he left Nerima, I highly doubt she would have agreed to something as strenuous as that.”

“That’s...a good point.” Sam admitted, thinking that Ranma wouldn’t have tortured a girl who saved his life.  At the same time, a giddiness swelled in her chest, thinking about doing some of the things Ranma had mentioned and even demonstrated (albeit accidentally) to her and her friends.

Noting the small half-smile on the redhead’s face, Jerry offered, “At any rate, once we have gotten our demonstration of Saotome-san’s considerable abilities, we will ask for details on his training methods before subjecting you to them, just to be safe.” Before looking over his shoulder at his ‘assistant’. “Gladis, please inform Saotome-san that we will see him now.”

The computer replied, “Yes, Jerry.” and the three spies headed back to the landing couch, completely silent as they waited for Ranma to arrive.  While they did that however, Jerry made a mental note to send a few choice messages through WOOHP’s secure channels, to make sure that the girls were well aware of the thin ice they’d willfully tap-danced on.

(After all,) the spymaster thought with a thin smile. (They only work for me.  And this kind of responsibility should be left up to someone with a more...vested interest in the girls behavior.)


Arnold smiled as he watched an animated pinkette in a toga knock what looked like a giant Siberian tiger sprawling at a swift kick to the head, while he grabbing popcorn out of a nearby bowl one kernel at a time. “She’s awesome.”

“Damn straight,” Donna grinned as she took a chomp out of the wad of popcorn in her hand, taken from the same bowl that was sitting between them on the couch.

At Donna’s insistence, the two of them had gone to Arnold's home for their ‘date’, which would consisted of watching various anime which Donna hadn’t seen before.  While Arnold had been hesitant about exposing his tastes in entertainment to a stranger of the female variety, now he was unabashedly offering his opinion on his favorite series and characters with aplomb. “She’d kinda like Ella Ragu, but with a bit of Rei thrown in.”

“Eh, I don't know about that.” Donna waggled her wrist. “Ella could do all kinds a magic with her Shadow Skill, Morgiana’s just got raw power.”

Arnold tried to police his smile, though all that did was make it clear he was hiding something and Donna glared at the blonde boy whose lips were pursed together very tightly. “Geek, are you tryin’ to tell me somethin’?”

Arnold shook his head as he took a small sip of his soda, and giving off an almost tangible aura of, ‘I know something you don’t know’, which made Donna’s eye twitch in irritation. “What’d I say about spoilers, geek?”

At that, Arnold looked offended and said, “What?!  I didn't say anything!”

“You have the worst poker face I’ve ever seen in my life, Arnold.” Donna said derisively before picking a small kernel of popcorn out of her teeth.  She noted that the boy looked a little pouty, and an idea occurred to her that made a wide smile spread across her face as she dislodged the kernel and said, “Hey, since you like anime, does that mean you look at hentai too?”

Arnold immediately flushed bright red and said, “No!  No, of course not!”

Donna’s grin turned sharklike as she turned her attention onto the cherry-cheeked boy and chuckled. “Oh ho ho, looks like someone's in denial.  What's your poison, geek?  Paizuri?  Bukkake?

Arnold couldn't help himself but blanch at that last one before recovering quickly and shaking his head again. “N-neither of those!”

“But you know what they mean.”

“No, I don't!”

“Then why’d you look grossed out for a second?” Donna smirked at him. “Cause I was kinda glad about that, you know?”

Arnold blinked quizzically. “ were?”

“Sure.  ‘Cause watching a bunch of guys nut all over a girl’s face is a major turn-off for me, but then again, that's probably because I’d be on the receiving end.” The biker girl laughed as Arnold's blush went all the way up to his ears. “Oh wow, you look like a freaking tomato, geek!  Is it hot in here or somethin’?”

“Sh-shut up!” Arnold shot back. “You keep teasing me about this stuff!”

“I ain't teasing, I'm curious.” Donna denied him with a shrug. “Cause you gotta realize girls talk about this kinda thing too, same as guys do.” Her eyes lowered as her lips curved in a sneaky fashion. “Unless there's a reason you don't wanna tell me what your into…”

Arnold swore his head was probably 10 degrees hotter than the rest of his body at the moment, and in desperation, he went with the best option he could think of as a distraction. “That's personal!  How would you like it if I asked if your hair really is pink!?

Donna’s smile disappeared at that and she narrowed her eyes at Arnold, who paled and gave a quiet ‘eep!’ Before leaning away from the larger girl.  After a few moments of silent, subtly threatening atmosphere, Donna asked, “You wanna find out?”

Arnold’s brain crash-halted.  During the reboot sequence, his body was frozen and his mouth only had enough control to say, “What?”

Donna’s smile returned, but this time it was more sensual than before as she took the bowl of popcorn off of the couch and set it on the ground, and then immediately turned so she was leaning back against the armrest.  After lifting one of her legs and swinging it over so her ankle was resting on the back of the couch, she smirked at the gobsmacked nerd and unsnapped the leather flap over her throat. “You know, geek, I realized somethin’ about you.  Ella, Morg, and Kei; it makes me think you got a thing for tough chicks.  And I’m wonderin’ if you’re enjoyin’ my company a lot more than I think you are.”

“I...I, uh, that is…”

“And that ain't really fair is it?” The biker girl grabbed the zipper to her biker-suit and slowly pulled it down, any questions she had for why she was acting like some kind of slut falling back in favor of how powerful she felt, watching Arnold's eyes widen very slowly in response to her gradually exposing her collarbone and sternum before stopping at her belly button and leaving her cleavage completely exposed do her companion. “Cause if you’re gonna be having pervy fantasies about me, then you should repay the favor.”


Donna’s smile widened as she grabbed the separated portions of her zipper and slowly pulled them apart, completely exposing her chest to the nerd she’d been bonding with and letting him get a good look at her tits.  A thrill ran down the biker girls back, making her sigh happily while she watched Arnold stare at her like he’d discovered Mecca. “Your turn, geek.  Show me what you’re working with.”

Arnold’s attention was yanked away from the C-cup breasts that were less than a few feet from him, to the owner of said breasts who was watching him ogle her like she was a model in a dirty magazine.  Suddenly worries and paranoia came to him and he asked, “What?” In the same squeaky voice that another person would use when saying ‘please don't kill me’.

“It ain't obvious?  I’m showin’ you mine.  Now you show me yours.” Donna meaningfully tugged on her zipper. “And then I’ll show you a little more…”

Arnold blushed again, but nodded and gave a soft “Oh…” in understanding, before reaching for the hem of his shirt with shaky hands and pulling it over his head.  While technically the same as what Donna was doing, it felt a hell of a lot different to Arnold as it seemed like his chest was blushing as much as his cheeks.  Though he couldn't help but feel a little pleased as Donna’s lips quirked up in a definite smile when she saw his bare upper body.

(Not bad.  Skinny, but not bad.) Donna thought to herself while she almost absentmindedly pulled down her zipper, moving it below her belly button while watching as Arnold's eyes followed it as the separated teeth exposed more and more of her skin to his eyes.  The biker almost laughed out loud when the blonde boy’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when the first sparse hairs of her bush came into view and discovered that Donna was indeed naturally a pinkish-burgundy-ette.  The zipper stopped before he saw anything more than that, but it was more than enough as Donna laid back and smirked as she said, “Your turn again, geek.”

Arnold’s blush deepened, and as he reached for his belt buckle and pants with trembling fingers, Donna mused to herself, (It’ll probably be good for the geek, having something in his spank bank that ain’t animated.  I mean, it ain’t like I’m gonna throw myself at him or anything, and a little rub-and-tug will probably do wonders for his…)

Donna blinked as Arnold’s pants came undone, exposing his briefs and the obvious bulge within them. (Did...he stuff his tightie-whities with a couple of socks?  When did he have the time to do that?)

Then Arnold closed his eyes, held his breath and after taking a moment to steady his nerves, he hooked his thumbs into the lining of his underwear and swiftly pushed them down.  In that instant, Donna’s jaw dropped and somewhere in the distance, an elephant sounding it’s trumpet could be heard as Arnolds hard-on sprang into view.  It took a little while for Donna to realign her mental processes, and when they came back online, the first thing she wondered was if Arnold’s pet python had all it’s shots.  Then she noticed that he was looking at her with a confused and mildly worried expression, and realized there was drool running down her chin.

The biker quickly wiped away the evidence of her salivation and sat up, bringing herself to a better view of Arnold’s package as she said, “Holy FUCK, geek!  Do you have a Tardis in your pants or something?!  Where were you hiding that!?”

Arnold chuckled nervously, while also feeling a little proud of her reaction to his manhood, though he’d always been too embarrassed about showing it to anyone. “Ah, I wasn’t really hiding it...I just never mentioned it?”

“ about the elephant in the room…” Donna murmured as she wiped away another bit of drool, unable to believe that the skinny little nerd was packing a monster that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a sex shop.  Or rather, a novelty joke shop, because something like what she was seeing couldn’t possibly be real.  As the biker stared at the 9th(inch by 3 inch) wonder of the world, her previous plans for the evening were lit on fire and thrown out the nearest window in favor of getting up close and personal with Arnold’s third leg.  As she considered several methods to seducing the nervous boy, most of which involved a few variations of screaming ‘IN ME!  NOW!’ as loud as possible, a thought struck Donna regarding the information she’d gotten regarding her ‘heritage’, and an idea formed.

Arnold swallowed loudly when Donna’s expression went from shocked admiration, to narrow-eye’d concentration, and then finally settled on a grin that was downright vicious as the thug-ish girl swung her leg down off the back of the couch and chuckled, “You know, it’s kinda funny what Ranma said today.”

“Uh, Ranma?” Arnold blinked at the unexpected mention of their new mutual friend. “Which part?  He said a lot today.”

“About Granny Lo and me.” Donna replied as she bent forward and got on hands and knees, before slowly crawling closer to him, never taking her eye off the obelisk jutting out from his groin. “You know, how we’re apparently Amazons?”

Before Arnold could ask anymore, Donna reached out and grabbed his dick, making him tense up at the unexpected touch while she squeezed him and almost managed to make her fingers reach all the way around his shaft.  But all his attention was focused on the biker girls toothy grin as she said in a darkly amused tone, “Because I really feel an like an Amazon right now.”

“And,” Arnold’s eyes darted from her hand back to her face. “What’s that mean?”

Donna squeezed his shaft, her eyes gleaming lustfully as she growled, “Me.  Want.  Snu-snu.



The girls had been strangely silent when Ranma came back to W.H.O.O.P.’s debriefing room, and after agreeing to a demonstration for tomorrow after school, as well a taking on Samantha as a student, Jerry had deposited the quartet a few blocks away from Ranma’s house.  The pigtailed boy had been a little irritated by that, mostly because WOOHP’s primary travel method would make it harder on him to fend off or spot the ambush-and-disguise obsessed Tsubasa Kurenai on the off-chance he showed up.  Otherwise, they made their way to his home and Ranma shot furtive looks at the girl's, with Clover and Alex looking decidedly sullen and depressed, while Samantha had a more confident demeanor that was heartening for a future student of the Art.

Except he knew real pride, and the redhead’s stiff, too-tense posture said she was hiding something under the facade of an ego boost that would hinder her in the long run if he didn’t take care of it now.  With a sigh, Ranma stopped and said, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Huh?” Sam and the other girls came to a halt as well, looking quizzically at Ranma as she asked, “Wrong with who?”

“You,” Ranma gestured to the redhead. “I know you’re happy about learning the art and how to use ki and stuff, but you’re also worked up about somethin’ and it’s gonna make it harder for you to focus if you don’t clear your head.” He rolled his wrist in a ‘come on’ gesture. “So, what’s eatin’ ya?”

Samantha grimaced as she considered the truth of her trepidation, before looking at the expectant boy.  A swift kick in her conscience made the redhead sigh and lower her eyes before softly replying, “I’m sorry.”

Ranma blinked and cocked his head. “Sorry about what?”

“I told Clover to break up with you.” Samantha explained in a low voice. “I was so convinced you were a bad guy that I didn’t listen to my friends, and when I found out Britney blocked any chance for someone to research details about you online, I thought you’d brainwashed her into covering for you.  I thought you were doing that to Clover, and told her to break up with you before it was too late.”

Clover looked between her sorrowful friend and her frowning lover, noting that while Ranma wasn't happy, he also didn't look angry by what Sam was saying.  If the blonde didn't know any better, she’d almost say Ranma looked disappointed as he said, “So you’re apologizin’ because you were worried about your friend?”

“No!” Sam’s head snapped up and she glared at him. “I'm not sorry for that!  I’m trying to say I made a mistake, and I should have given you some kind of chance instead of assuming the worst about you!”

“Forget it.” Ranma waved off Sam, brushing aside the negative thoughts of the times anyone who’d wronged him back home had apologized like she did, which could be counted on one hand. “If I was in your place, I’d have done the same thing, so don't beat yourself up ‘cause of that.” He gave the redhead an embarrassed look as he scratched the back of his head. “I...was keepin’ my mouth shut about a lot of stuff that was really suspicious, and even then, I’m not really good at explainin’ things without making stuff worse.  I’m not gonna blame you for being worried about Clover, ‘cause that puts you ahead of a lot of other girls I know.”

“If it wasn’t for the fact that, ‘other girls you know’ involves a greedy cunt, a psychotic gymnast, an amazon and a fiancé who hit you, that could almost be a compliment.” Sam offered dryly, which earned her an annoyed look from Ranma.  Before he could respond to that, she added, “And my other problem is that your training was worse than dodging beehives.  And since I’m going to be your student…”

“Hey, I’d never put anyone through that training!” Ranma snapped defensively and with a fair bit of outraged heat. “Especially because it turned out to be useless!”

All three of the girls gaped at Ranma following that statement. “U-useless?” Clover whispered in shock. “How was it useless?”

Ranma met the blonde's eye and sighed softly, considering the things that had been said today and the reactions he’d gotten.  Feeling decidedly uncomfortable at the thought of being pitied, he lamely offered, “It’s a long story, and I’d rather not tell it right now, Clover-chan.  For now, just chuck it into the pile of reasons I had to get away from my old man.”

Clover sniffled as she looked the boy she’d dated, slept with, trusted and mistakenly believed been betrayed by.  Hearing him speak in such a despondent tone brought an urge to the blonde that was relatively new to her, as she wanted nothing more in that moment than to sleep with him.  Not to have sex with him, but just give him some comfort and let him know that he’d never have to go back to his personal hell.

That urge swiftly disappeared when Ranma met her eyes and sadly said, “Also...I wanted to say, I’m sorry for kissing you, Clover-chan.”

The blonde’s jaw dropped and she blurted, “What!?  Sorry for-?!  I thought you were-” she grimaced as tears welled up in her eyes and she moaned, “I thought you said that just because you were mad...I-I didn’t think you really meant it!”

Seeing that his ex looked like she was about to start sobbing, and Sam and Alex were both somehow putting out a pair of VERY substantial battle auras despite their lack of training, Ranma paled and waved his hands frantically. “No no!  That thing I said about it being a mistake was ‘cause I was angry, and I am sorry about that!  I meant that I didn’t kiss you for the right reason!”

The low bubbling tide of outrage was abating, while Alex’s eyes remained focused on the pigtailed boy and she asked, “And what was your reason?” with a definite note of warning in her voice.

Seeing that the aura’s had died down and Clover had pulled back from the verge of tears, Ranma licked his dry lips and explained in a worried, apologetic tone. “On our date, when you said we could just kiss, I was afraid cause of all the crap that could happen to you and me if we did.  And I thought about what people would say about me betrayin’ the fiancé’s and my honor and everything.  Most of it held me back,” Ranma’s expression darkened, and his apologetic tone thickened with disgust. “Then I thought of my old man...and as soon as I heard him sayin’ I ‘shamed the anything goes school’-”

“That was when you kissed me.” Clover finished in understanding, her words solemn as she remembered the very brief, ugly look that crossed Ranma’s face a second before he’d stuck his tongue down her throat. “Not because you liked me, but as a ‘screw you’ to your dad.”

Hearing her affirm his motivation in that soft voice shamed Ranma, and he lowered his eyes as he gave a small nod. “Hai.  I do like you, and I had a lot of fun, and I didn’t go along with everything else because I was pissed off at pops...but that’s how it started, and that wasn’t fair to you.”

There was silence for several moments, before Clover stepped forward and said, “Ranma, look at me.” and he winced, remembering the last few times that happened had resulted in two slaps and a break-up.  Raising his eyes, he looked up to see Clover looking at him affectionately, with a gentle smile on her face that confused him for a moment.  Then she brought her hand up and gently touched his cheek as she whispered, “Ranma, can you tell me honestly, that if you weren’t pissed off at your dad, then you wouldn’t have kissed me at all?”

“No, Clover.” Ranma shook his head immediately without breaking their gaze. “It...would have been later, and it probably wouldn't have been as hard-” he blushed as her eyes twinkled at his accidental double-entendre, while Alex and Samantha’s cheeks similarly reddened behind their teammate. “-been as strong, but yeah, I would have kissed you.”

Clover’s smile widened and she said, “Then that’s good enough for me.” Before stepping in and pressing her lips to his.

Sam narrowed her eyes, but considered how needy and lonely her friend was going to feel now that her boytoy was off-limits and decided to allow this one slip-up regarding the blondes new restriction on fraternization.  Provided Clover didn’t cross a line and try to get in a final quickie with Ranma right here and now.

As the two broke their kiss and smiled at each other, Samantha felt a small pang in her chest and a subtle bubble of irritation.  Being decidedly self-aware however, she quickly determined the source as a bit of jealousy stemming from the fact that she now knew Ranma was not the evil villain Britney had made him out to be, and was in fact pretty damn brave and selfless.

Ranma brushed a few strands of hair away from Clover’s face, smiling at the sincere happiness in her eyes as he asked, “So, you forgive me?”

“What, for being introduced to your epic tongue just because your dad was an asshole?” Clover giggled in wicked amusement. “I could almost write him a thank you letter, if it wasn't for the fact that he’d bring those psychos down on us and I’d probably shoot him as soon as I saw him.” Leaning in again, this time to lay her head against his chest, Clover smiled warmly and murmured, “When our new ‘curfew’ is up, do you wanna try this again?”

“I’d like that.” Ranma replied with a smile as he gave the blonde a gentle squeeze before they parted and the quartet continued their trek.


Following their departure from Ranma’s house, the blonde spy was in a very chipper mood and sang to herself, “All's well that ends well!”

“Says you.” Sam muttered sullenly. “That was the worst mission ever, bar none.”

“I don't know,” Alex said, also smiling but not as widely as Clover. “I think we did really well, considering how much we didn't know.”

“And what are you complaining about?” Clover eye’d Samantha meaningfully. “You’re gonna become a Super-Sammy, and be around Ranma without a chaperone.  I'm totally jealous!”

“Jealous because I’m going to be put through a meat grinder; or because I don't need a chaperone around Ranma?”

The redhead’s dry sarcasm earned a glare from Clover.  But as she thought about it, the blonde considered Sam’s sullen admittance to Ranma’s moral character and the hints of suppressed attraction she’d seen in her friend towards the martial artist.  She then turned her head away from her friends, hiding her wide smile as she considered the the possibilities of her bestie being in close proximity to 100% Grade-A stud, and how much fun it would be if-no no, when Sam discovered why Ranma Saotome had been irresistible to Clover and Alex.

Eventually, the trio reached Clover’s house and she split off from her besties.  However, as she neared the entryway, a prickling feeling of dread came over her, and she paused to look around worriedly.  Not seeing anything amiss, she continued her approach towards the front door, though the blond spy couldn't help but feel more and more frightened as she got closer to home.

When Clover reached for the doorknob, and it turned before she could touch it, her heart leapt into her throat.

As the door opened with an ominous creak, she wondered why her life was flashing before her eyes.

Then she saw the agent of her doom, standing just on the other side of the door with a baleful gaze that promised nothing but pain in the girl’s immediate future.

“So,” Stella Manson intoned, eyes flashing dangerously as she stared at her suddenly pale daughter. “Who’s this boy you kissed?”


While it was obvious to anyone within 5 blocks of the Manson home that any chance Clover had of getting make-up nookie had been well and truly destroyed, what many people forget that life exists as a sort of balance.  For every closed door, a window opens, every hardship is an opportunity, etc.

Or to put it in a way that isn't trite and hackneyed, when someone loses a chance to get laid, somewhere else, another person will find themselves receiving the fucking of a lifetime.

“HOLY FUCK!” Donna howled to the heavens, or rather, Arnold's bedroom ceiling as she threw her head back and quaked under the effects of the monstrous orgasm rippling through her body.

Underneath her, Arnold was also quaking as the larger girls tremors transferred through his shaft and his lower body, making it feel like his dick was completely imbedded in a slightly vibrating vice while he was pinned underneath the supposedly ‘Chinese Amazon’.  The spasming of Donna’s folds gave Arnold a newfound understanding of why women used vibrator’s when masturbating, and he felt his groin tense in preparation to send his navy into the tough girl’s most deceptively tender area.

His teeth gritted, his fingers almost death-gripping the pinkettes large chest, Arnold called out breathlessly, “D-Donna!  Donna!!” In an attempted warning, which was cut-off as his inexperienced dick and willpower snapped in twain and the surge flowed through him.  The blonde boy moaned in a way that sounded very unmanly to his own ears, but at the moment any concern for his perceived masculinity was far from his mind as he experienced the bliss of an ‘assisted orgasm’.  It felt a little strange to him as his dick erupted inside the quivering Donna’s womanhood, but the pleasure and his bolstered ego far outweighed unusual sensation of having something firm pressing against the tip of his cock, as his lover had quickly informed him that Arnold’s length was pushing against her inner door with a not insignificant amount of force.

It’d been uncomfortable for him, and very worrying as he’d read many a hentai magazine that seemed obsessed with the idea of dicks being long enough to press against a woman’s cervix, many of which also couldn’t say 5 words without mentioning ‘baby’, ‘pregnant’, ‘fertilization’ and a whole host of other unsexy and very fear-inducing phrases to the teen nerd.  Thankfully, Donna had read some of those same magazines and quickly reassured him that she was on the pill, but that had immediately been followed by her warning him, ‘If you even think about imitating those porn mags and try using this baseball bat you call a dick as a battering ram, I’ll rip it off and make you watch while I use it the right way!’.

And so Arnold had discovered that the hentai was wrong, in that being the sexual equivalent of a pap smear had it’s downsides unless you found a girl who could take a plus-size cock.  Which had about the same odds as finding a guy with said overly-large manhood.  But while that tidbit had been wrong, the reality of firing his seed directly into his lover’s womb carried a very deep feeling of primal satisfaction to the blonde teen and for a moment, he felt like a caveman celebrating a successful hunt as jets of cum flooded his woman’s silken depths.

Donna came down from her high very slowly, her arms shaking where they were bracing her body on Arnold’s thighs, as she’d nearly passed out when the latest of a series of cervical orgasms had struck with the force of a thunderclap.  Her body was covered with sweat, her muscles burning from exertion and release, when she realized that there was a greater degree of heat emanating from her groin than there had been before her mind temporarily went on vacation and left a ‘fuck-awesome orgasm’ in it’s place.

The thuggish girl slowly raised herself up, wincing as a few aftershocks rolled through her body until she was looking down at the rosy-cheeks of the boy she’d basically dragged to bed with her.  Cocking an eyebrow quizzically, Donna asked between loud gulps of air, “Hey, geek...did you cum?”

Arnold, similarly breathless, nodded in affirmation.

Donna’s raised her eyebrows, and looked down towards her mons as she came to grips with the fact that her pussy was slightly warmer due to a fresh load of baby-batter.  Blinking several times, the thug murmured, “ that’s what that feels like…” Her lips curved in a half-smile. “Gotta say, not what I was expecting...but not bad.”

“ liked it…”

Donna chuckled at Arnold's gasping reply. “Hey, don't pass out on me yet, geek!” before shifting from side-to-side, very slowly and with slight whimper of pleasure that she would deny to her dying day. “I haven’t had a prick this big inside me that wasn’t attached to an even bigger one!  And I’m gonna-”

The sudden sound of an effeminate voice calling, “Arnold, is everything okay?” Froze Donna in mid-moan and she and Arnold went wide-eye’d with fear when the door to his room opened and whoever had spoken added, “Are you watching a scary movie-”

Arnold’s mother trailed off, the remainder of her concerns coming out in a strangled squeak when she caught sight of a very muscular back.  Said back was connected to two well-defined arms and a fairly large backside, topped by a head with short cut, purple-ish/pink/red hair and ending in two powerful, yet smooth legs.  Underneath said ass was her son’s scrotum, with his legs sticking out behind whoever was sitting on him, while the particular placement of his bed relative to the door meant she had a very clear look at his wide-eye’d, horrified expression as he looked at her and fearfully whispered, “M-mom!?”

Taking in the shock of what she was seeing, and more importantly blocking out in regards to her sons anatomy, the 40-something blonde woman took a moment to compose herself, during which she silently intoned, (Okay, focus, you’ve been bracing yourself for this.  Always hanging out with boys, never dating girls; he’s still your son and you’ll love him no matter what even if you won’t have grandchildren unless he and his life-partner decide to adopt.)

While his mother went through a quick soothing mantra, Arnold frantically hissed, “Donna, what do we do!?”

“How should I know!?” The biker girl quietly snarled back. “I’ve never been caught like this before!”

“Sh-should I pull out?!” Arnold, panicking and frantic, quickly grabbed Donna’s hips and made to lift her off of him.

“Are you insane!?” Donna gasped as she started to lift off his prick, “Do you want your mom to see your elephant trunk, geek?!”

Arnold froze, casting a quick glance towards his mother and let out a whimper of relief upon seeing that her eyes were still closed and she had the strangely...thoughtful and pensive expression on her face.

Noting that her lover’s grip had loosened, Donna growled, “Exactly!  So don’t make-”

As she spoke, Donna sat back down again, and with rather more force than intended as the small amount of Arnold’s dick that had pulled clear of her nethers was forced back inside.  However, the jarring motion ended up causing the same issue she’d warned him about earlier as her inner gate was given a very hard poke and Donna’s eyes crossed as she gave an involuntary shriek that was equal parts pain and pleasure.

Mary’s eyes snapped open.

That wasn’t her son.  And that wasn’t her husband.  That was a girl’s voice and it certainly didn’t come from her.  In fact, it sounded like the same scream she’d heard coming from her child's room when she’d thought he was watching a horror movie.  And since he wasn’t actually watching a horror movie…

She looked again at the teenagers she walked in on, while the person who was sitting astride her son was trembling and he sat up, giving his lover a worried look as he called, “Donna!  Are you okay?!”

While Mary was 100% certain that she would continue to love her son even his preference was for the love that shall not speak it’s name, she couldn’t help but feel a part of her heart unknot in relief to hear the girl in her son’s bed, whose name was apparently Donna, moan quietly, “S-sat down too fast!  Just gimme a minute!”

Arnold swallowed loudly and hesitantly wrapped his arm around Donna’s back, holding her against his body even if the disparate size between them meant her breasts were resting on his collarbone.  While Mary registered the large chest being pressed against her son, Donna’s breathing slowly eased as the sensation rather akin to a bad stomach cramp slowly faded and she gave a grateful, “Thanks geek…”

Arnold pursed his lips and murmured quietly, “Could you not call me that right now?  Please?”

Donna smiled cheekily as the last of the spasms faded and murmured, “What?  You don't want me to embarrass you in front of your mom?  Funnily enough, I couldn't give a fuck about that right now-”


Donna’s voice silenced immediately at the sound of an older male voice, which also came from somewhere behind her, and her eyes widened as Arnold cringed and said, “In front of my mom or my dad.”

However, in a blur of motion, Arnold's mother spun on her heel and slammed the door to her son's bedroom closed, leaving the teens in silence and darkness once more.  Arnold blinked owlishly at his closed door like he’d seen a mirage and Donna slowly turned to look over her shoulder as a pair of muffled voices started talking on the other side of it.  The two lovers shared worried looks when one of those voices rose significantly, though the tone and words of whoever was speaking was lost to them.

After a minute or two, his door opened again, though only a small crack this time as a male voice called, “Son?”

Arnold swallowed heavily and replied, “Y-yeah dad?”

“Your mother and I are going to go see a late movie, okay?”

Now the look Donna and Arnold gave each other was shocked as the blonde boy replied, “Y-yeah, okay!  Umm, when will you be back?”

“A few hours.  And we will be having a talk with you, whether your friend is here or not.”

Arnold blushed brightly and nodded, not that his father could see it as he replied, “Yes sir.”

“Good.” The older man fell silent for a moment, before he added, “You are being safe?”

“Oh my God!” Arnold moaned in embarrassment while Donna couldn't help but burst out laughing. “Yes, dad!  Very safe!”

“Good.  We’ll talk later.”

And with that, the door shut, and the two teens didn't move until they heard a car in the driveway turn over and eventually fade into the distance.

“Holy shit.” Arnold breathed, shocked that he hadn't been crucified by his supposedly uptight parental units. “I can't believe they didn't flip out…”

“That’ll probably come later.” Donna offered as she cast an appraising eye towards the door.  She then turned to Arnold and gave him a wicked grin. “And speaking of ‘coming’...”

Arnold did a double-take and gaped at the pinkette. “What?!  Now!?  What about-”

“They gave us at least an hour, geek.” Donna purred, though from a girl her size, it came out like sounding like a pleased lioness more than anything else. “And I wanna see how far you can go.”

As the biker girl started to move, a thought occurred to Arnold and he frowned before reaching out and holding Donna’s waist, stilling her motions as he said, “Not yet.”

“Huh?” Donna blinked quizzically. “What's wrong?”

“Say my name.”


“I'm not going again until you say my name.” Arnold affirmed with a stern look. “Cause calling me geek all the time is getting annoying.”

Donna glowered at him for a moment, but found that, like Alex; there was a spine inside the deceptively passive teen and she rolled her eyes before quietly saying, “Okay, I’m sorry, Arnold.”

Arnold sighed in relief and satisfaction before giving Donna a thin smile as he said, “Now, let's hear it again…”

At that, the Amazon growled, “You’re pushing your luck, gee-” but was cut off by a shocked yelp as Arnold pitched forward, using his body weight to throw the larger girl onto her back and himself on top of her.  His shifting prick made Donna’s eyes roll back in her head as she groaned, “Fuck me, be careful with that thing!”

“Heh, sorry.” Arnold replied with an abashed smile, though that morphed into a cocky grin as he sat up and looked down at the girl he was buried inside of. “Now, are you going to say my name?”

Donna glared at him for a second, wondering what he was doing, when the lightbulb suddenly clicked and her jaw dropped.  But it snapped closed quickly, and she gave the boy a toothy grin as she growled, “You’re gonna have to make me say it, geek.”

Arnold returned her smile and replied, “If you insist!” And punctuated his statement by quickly thrusting his hips, withdrawing from Donna’s sheathe for a moment before plunging back in again.

When Arnold’s parents came home to a silent house, Mary pursed her lips and headed to her son’s room.  Rather than barging in this time, she peeked through the door cautiously.  The sight of her child, asleep with a wide smile and his arm wrapped around the waist of the significantly taller and more athletic looking girl who was curled up against him with her head on his chest brought a smile to the blonde woman’s face, and she closed the door silently.

“Well?” Arnold’s father asked pointedly, being a burly man with light brown hair and a gruff demeanor. “Are we going to talk to him or not?”

“Not tonight, dear.” Mary replied with a small smile. “Cause we don’t want to wake them.” she side-eye’d her husband so he took the hint, before smirking. “He takes a lot after you, by the way.


Sam wondered why Jerry had sent a WOOHP Transport for her, by way of being vacuumed into a nearby trashcan on her way to school, without any warning and what could have been so important that it couldn’t waited until after class.

Then she fell out of the pipe and onto the couch, landing on her side in a rather uncomfortable condition, and she muttered, “Dammit, Jerry.  Could you at least try to make our landing pad a little more cushy.”

“Tell ya what, I’ll think about it.” offered a familiar voice which sent a shot of adrenaline through Sam and made her head snap up and gape at the scene before her.

Instead of the familiar sight of WOOHP’s debriefing room, what Sam saw had her mind spinning in a maddening, and increasingly fearful manner.  Jerry and his desk were gone, as well as the central ‘hub’ of G.L.A.D.I.S., which left only an empty hole in the ceiling over Jerry’s chair.  Said chair was now occupied by Ranma Saotome, who was smiling in a decidedly unfriendly manner at Samantha with his hands laced behind his head.

While worrying and shocking by itself, the truly mind-boggling sight that had stunned the redhead into silence was that Ranma was not alone, as Clover and Alex had apparently arrived before her.

Along with Britney.

And ‘Ranko’.

And Mandy, Caitlyn, and Dominique.

And an assortment of Japanese girls on either side of him, and one purple-haired girl with chinese features who must have been the ‘Shampoo’ girl he’d mentioned yesterday, if only because she could tell her lilac tresses were natural due to the similarly colored bush in her field of view.

Which brought up the second-to-last point of why Sam needed a moment to reboot her brain, in that every single person in the room was naked, except for her.  And the reason why that was the second-to-last point, is because the source of her greatest mental explosion was seeing her 3 high-school nemesis’ on their knees between Ranma’s spread legs, watching the back of Mandy’s head bob in the pigtailed boy’s lap while Caitlyn and Dominique ‘assisted’ their leader in some manner that Sam couldn’t make out from her current position.

Unfortunately, Samantha never got a chance to recover from her moment of stupefied disbelief.

A tap on her shoulder made her turn and stick her face directly into the nozzle of some kind of spray bottle.  She grimaced when something spritzed out that faintly smelled of roses, and moments later, Samantha Simpson no longer cared where Jerry was or why Ranma was at W.O.O.H.P. and surrounded by beautiful women.

All she cared about was the slightly muffled ‘mff!’ from Mandy, and the soft wave of envious sighs from every other girl present as she could somehow tell that her Master was gifting the dark-haired girl with his seed, and her own voice was added to the chorus as she envisioned drinking in his holy essence as well.

Ranma let out a relaxed breath at the same time as his spunk was guzzled by the 6th gaijin slut to be added to his harem, while number 4 and 5 aided their ‘sister’ in pleasing him by suckling his balls.  Meanwhile, the black-haired girl with a pony-tail off the side of her head, nominally his first convert who’d ironically paved the way to his path of revenge in her own attempt to dominate him, smiled as she put away her perfected serum, and the 7th American whore strolled towards him with a dim-witted smile, stripping off her clothes as she neared and prepared to take number 6’s place in pleasing her new Lord.

“Yes.” Ranma Saotome mused wickedly. “All according to keikaku.”

-Author Notes-

Well, that omake was dark as shit.  While obviously funny for being so ridiculous, do not expect me to write anything remotely similar to that with a straight face or at greater length, because it is not my cup of Spanish Fly.  Then again, I’m the kinda puss-bag who had to force myself to finish the Caesar’s Legion questline in Fallout: New Vegas just so I could get the stupid achievements.

And immediately after that, murdered the fuck out of all the miserable bastards in subsequent playthroughs.

Anyway, there's (at least) one more Chapter to this story, possibly more as I keep getting a nagging idea to throw in one last curve ball.  Namely, I don't want this fic to end without SOME kind of closure back in Nerima.  One way or another.

Also, I’ve never been happier than for the bit of inspiration that said the skinny little geek should hook up with a total boss-ass bitch, a la Krillin and Android 18.

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