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Reviews for Market Commodity

By : Scienceteacher

From LightningCross on December 23, 2008
Woah, a whole lot of stories have been uploaded lately. I'll try to hit as much as I can.

--==STSE Arcs(To Feel Human, Insanity, etc.)==---

It's been interesting to watch the clones as they grow and develop over the series. Scream's made an excellent recovery. The last time I left a review his meta had been completely fragged, and he was incapable of speaking anything but the most basic of gibberish. Now he's competent and confident enough to interface with both humans and clones again, which is nice to see.

The Autobot arc was fun to read. Sharon and Daniels' clones were able to wring quite a bit of compensation out of them just by being their mischievous selves. It's always amusing to see the somewhat child-like antics of TC, Scream and Speed. I'm happy to see a somewhat serious-minded clone thrown into the mix with Jag, it'll be interesting to see how the more casual clones in Sharon/Daniel's group react to him.

The only thing I'll criticize so far is your overuse of the verb "purred". It's getting to be slightly irritating, and I'd equate it with how you'd overuse "musical voice" when you were writing the Raptor stories on FF.net. Try to vary the descriptors up just a bit.

Overall, the story's really drawn me in. I've had to slightly adjust the direction of my own work since the Autobot clones are being produced by a separate corporation, but the story isn't affected too much by that. I'm looking forward to future installments.

--==Guardian Pts. 1 and 2==--

This is a cute story. I really like the character of Maria herself; she comes across as the cute but somewhat geeky college girl. I like how you chose to delay the smut until the second chapter instead of having her get down and dirty with Skye as soon as she peeled the box open; it's more befitting of her character that she has some reservations about sex and her appearance.

Skye's still stuck in the subservient eager-to-please mindset that most clones have coming out of the box, but he's got some endearing traits off the bat. He's polite and courteous, although whether this is just because of his programmed loyalties I'm not yet sure. I'll be looking forward to how you develop his character as the story moves on.

As for the smut... it was hot. You did a nice job there. ;P

--==Harmony Pts. 1 and 2==--

As much as I hate to say this, this was the one story I had trouble getting into, mainly because of the spelling/grammatical errors that distract from it. The syntax is a bit sloppy, the run-on sentences being the biggest turn-off for me. It's not that it's a bad story at all. The first chapter had me feeling bad for Morgan, as Nicole seemed more than a little too eager to toss him out for the shiny new sex machine she just got. In the second chapter I came to understand that it was really more about their relationship overall falling apart, and Nicole seemed to have some more reservations over what was going on. I think I can get the basic gist of the rift between them; they fell in love when they were young, she grew up and got serious, he stayed childish and directionless. Sort of like American Beauty with robots tossed in. Wave, most likely due to his programming, seems to pick up on his master's discontent with her husband and begins to dislike him. I can't really blame him for that.

Overall, I like this story. All you'd need is a beta to clean it up a bit and it'd be just fine.

--==Responses==--

STSE: The cores use deuterium/tritium pellets coated in solid energon to evenly distribute the heat energy from the laser across the entire surface. Each Omega clone has about 20 of these pellets each. They power the clones' battery for an average of 50 years, so every 1,000 years the clone would have to find more of these pellets to continue powering its' systems. That, and they'd need routine maintenance every 200 years or so to deal with some of their less long-lasting components, like the coils that transport the alpha particles from the ignition chamber to the battery.

Toonqueen: You're welcome to borrow ideas from my story. I'll just toss this word of advice in, though; if your characters have a chance encounter with an "infected" military clone I'd be careful around it. Depending on the damage they suffered over hundreds of years, there's a small chance their ignition chambers wouldn't be completely sealed. If they were low on power and automatically attempted to recharge their systems by igniting a pellet, they could create a small nuclear explosion if their ignition chambers had significantly degraded.

Rockinmuffin: Thanks for all of your criticism. I appreciate how you manage to leave a thorough critique for every work people post here, it really helps. I'll admit that I did get a bit lazy with the script formatting, so I won't do it again. In the future, I'll notate any dialogue that's being spoken in a language other than English with angle brackets "".
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From Rockinmuffin on December 23, 2008
Review for Urban Shock Part 2:

Once again you provide a wonderful chapter. Your submission was both well-written and interesting. A lot of action was going on within the chapter and you kept my full attention throughout.

I love Shockwave; then again, I love a lot of Transformers, but when it comes to the Transformers with the most bad-assitude, Shockwave is definitely one of my top ten.

I love how you have the clone maintain Shockwave�s intellect and resourcefulness. I�m sure that a good number of the clones are meant to be very intelligent upon activation since they�re military issue but I doubt that every one of them would be smart enough to trick their own basic programming and designate themselves as their own commander. Brilliant, really.

My only nitpicky critique for this chapter was the part where Omega-8 heard the voices outside the truck and you translated what the men said by writing it out in script format. (Man 1: Blah blah blah, etc.) You already state that the Shockwave clone is translating what the men say into English so you could simply write their words out between quotes like you would for any dialogue within the story. It�s really not that big of a deal but even little things like that can take away from a great story. Really, I�m making a bigger deal out of this than I should but it�s a personal pet peeve of mine when a great story is interrupted by dialogue written in the script format; I�ve seen too much of it done, and usually it�s done badly.

Wonderful job yet again. I can�t wait to see Omega-8 in action. That, and it will be nice to be able to call him something more personal than Omega-8 or �the Shockwave clone.�

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From Rockinmuffin on December 23, 2008
Review for Mentors Part 1:

xD Oh wow, TC and Scream can be really whiny when they want to be. Who needs kids when you've got Seekers?

I like the clones that the terrible trio picked out, especially Scream's choice. Not only is Prowl made out of pure awesome (which he most certainly is) but you also gave Scream a legit reason for doing so. That, and Jag's personality is so distinctly different from Scream's (and TC's... and, hell, even Jester's for that matter) that it will be fun to see him interact (and try his very darndest to simply deal) with the more childlike and illogical minds of all the other clones. Something tells me that Jag is going to have a rough time adjusting to this unusual family.

Also, Jester will make a fine addition to the team. I adore Sideswipe, though I'm not sure if I could ever choose between him and Sunstreaker. Hmm... Jester has already expressed he likes the idea of being close to another clone, having a "brother" bond, so if he were to ever see a Sunstreaker clone would he experience memory echoes and fee drawn to that clone? The possibilities. Still, I'm more excited to see what kind of pranks he'll pull. I could totally see Jester do something he's not supposed to do, get caught, and try to weasel his way out of it with a fake act of innocence.

Sharon: "Jester, did you drink all the Dr. Pepper?"
Jester: *Surrounded by three empty bottles of Dr. Pepper* "...No."

And then there's Shado. I don't know as much about Mirage as I do some of the other Autobots; he just never really appealed to me; but I bet Shado will think twice before blindly obeying Speed again. xD Also, I'm curious to see how Speed will treat him. So far Speed has treated every clone he's met as inferior to him and has shown somw aggressive behavior in the way that he antagonizes everyone. I wonder if he'll be more patient with Shado for being his mentee or will that only make him even harder on Shado so that the Autobot clone will strive to be the best?

Can't wait to see how this all turns out.
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From Rockinmuffin on December 23, 2008
Review for Winner's Luck Part 1:

Heh. You know, I don't think I would mind pop-up ads as much as I do if they were offering me a free mini Transformer.

This is looking good so far; from what little information we are given we learn a lot about your main character and her personality. And, from wat I can tell, she's a pretty interesting gal. My only complaint is that nothing much really happens in this chapter; it would've worked better as one of the scenes within a bigger chapter than standing alone by itself. However, I'm aware that StSE is the only author who can actually go back and edit chapters so I don't expect you to go back and add on. I also understand that this is the beginning, maybe even a prologue of sorts, for your own mini series so it was most likely your intention for it to be short and sweet. All I suggest is that you make sure that your future chapters have a little more happen within them.

I look forward to future chapters by you. Please continue; I want to see where this miniplot is headed.
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From Rockinmuffin on December 23, 2008
Review for Harmony Part 2:

I love your characters. Man, I really feel for poor Morgan. It's really sad when couples start to lose interest in one anoter, especially when there was once a time when they were truly and deeply in love. He has good intentions and he obviously cares a great amount for his wfe Nicole, but he just can't seem to properly express it.

And then we have Nicole; she's lost interest in her husband ans has had some ill thoughts of him but she's not a bad person either. She's just realized that her and her husband share different interests and while she is a bit of a workaholic her husband is a lazy slob in comparison.

And then there's Wave. He was purchased as a means to mend the couple's somewhat broken relationship but he may end up being what permanently breaks it. He is already fond of his master (as most clones are), has a natural interest in her own interests, and is able to satisfy Nicole where she won't give Morgan the chance. That, and Wave also has taken a second look at Morgan and has decided that the man is not as stupid or inferior as he initially thought.

You have some deep characters here; I'll be glad to see more from them. I want to see how their lives unfold.
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From Rockinmuffin on December 23, 2008
Review for Market Competition Part 1 (a and b):

Hooray for the Autobots! I'm sure a good number of people have been waiting for the chance to buy some of the adorable Autobots. (So, how many chapters until someone decides to molest Bumblebee, eh?) Those Autobots sure can be tricky when they want to be. And poor TC! They made him cry. D: But they paid for it with their wallets. xD I still kind of feel sorry for them. Kind of.

I can't wait to see all the Autobot clones that come of this and what they'll do. That, and I wonder how the Decepticons will react when htey discover what the Autobots are up to. :3

Gah! I'm so tempted to do an Autobot mini-plot too but I really shouldn't start another one when I only have two parts of my original plot completed. Oh, woe is an indescisive fangirl.
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From Breech_Loader on December 22, 2008
ah... Mentors is looking good. I'm especially interested in how the Jag/Scream relationship will go, but the Jester/TC one looks good too.
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From Breech_Loader on December 22, 2008
Hmmm...

Somebody's gonna buy a Decepticon AND an Autobot to see what happens, aren't they? I can't begin to imagine what happens - their personalities adapt and change so much; they wouldn't necesserily pick a fight just because it's a Decepticon - only if their personalities clashed that way.
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From Rockinmuffin on December 22, 2008
Review for To Feel Human Part 9:

Three interesting developments have been made in this chapter. One, Megatron's new relationship with the people around him and his newfound sense of "freedom." Two, Scream's breakthrough as he can now openly seek out the touch of others. And, three, the most startling of all, the development of a spark inside of the clones.

If I got the general idea right, it takes a long amount of time for a spark to develop as a clone learns and grows with their appointed master. It seems as if eventually all clones will develop a spark given time but because of the strong bond between Sharon, Scream, and TC, the two clones developed their sparks early because of her concern for them. An interesting theory.

Good chapter; it made me consider things I hadn't really thought of before.

On another note, I think you mentioned something about how Scream hadn't had an overload derived from only pleasure for nearly two years. ...Which means that the Decepticon clones have been around for nearly two years if not a little longer. So, I'm guessing that the autobot clones will be created and released fairly soon.

Of course, now that I think about it, we haven't really gotten any input from the original Transformers since chapter one. There are a lot of things to consider; how much profit have they made, have they discovered that the humans found out about their Trojan horse and disabled it, how has relations bewteen humans and the Decepticons (as well as the Autobots) changed since the Decepticons released these clones, and what would any of the Transformers do if they ever discovered that the clones being sold to humans as slaves were truly sentient beings? The list could go on and on. I hadn't really considered the original Transforemrs for a while but as soon as the idea randomly popped into my head it has been fascinating me ever since.
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From Breech_Loader on December 20, 2008
Oh, oh this is fun to read. So much fun. Oh that was hot. I feel all toasty inside...
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From Rockinmuffin on December 19, 2008
Review for Adore Thy Master Part 3 (a and b):

Oh my! the Megatron clone is here already, hmm? And, as expected, Beast is as submissive as ever. Excellent. I like the big teddy bear type of bots. xD And the Overlord and Beast scene was fun; it didn't take those two too long to get properly acquainted. Now Overlord just needs to be properly introduced to his Master...

Admittedly, I wasn't much of a fan of the gore in part b but it was necessary to the plot so I'm not going to nitpick about it. And I'm excited to see what the Blitzwing clone is going to do; by the way, nice touch of having his Master be an expert in ice magic. Hmmm, the way Blitzwing reacted to his other personalities suggests that they haven't appeared before so that must mean that they had been dormant up until this point. And, Blitzwing himself couldn't be too new considering that he was around long enough for his master to create a life bond between them, or, at least I would imagine as such.

Very interesting developments... Can't wait to see where this is headed.
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From Rockinmuffin on December 19, 2008
Review for To Feel Human Part 8:

This was fun. xD Tyrone and Kim are a real hoot; they sort of remind me of the way all of my friends and I act when we get together. And Kim is a good sport, taking all of that abuse in stride.

Sharon's over-protective mother act was a nice touch; just like a father interrogating his daughter's prom date. xD And TC doesn't know what he's talking about; Scream makes a very lovely dyke. xD Heck, I'd go gay for "her."

I'm glad that Scream is getting closer and closer to overcoming his fear of being intimate with others. It'll take a long time to fully recover but he's getting there. And, while he may still not trust other people to touch his naughty bits, it seems he has no qualms against touching other peoples' parts. That boy's on his way to being a lean, mean, love-making machine. :3

Loved it! Can't wait for the next part.
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From ToonQueen on December 17, 2008
***Adore Thy Master 1 + 2***

Yay another animated universe! Lugnut is another I would never expect, but being the Master is a demon, I can see how he would be attractive. LOL. I like the idea of magic meets technology. Lugnut's personality is perfect for this! Oh man, I wonder what is going to happen when Megatron clone is introduced. While Beast and his master are the main focus, I'm interested in the fact there is a clone somewhere learning dark arts? *flail* I always had a magic meets machine idea of "Tech Shamans" Cuz hey, in TF;A they have Cyber Ninjas... not magicy but ninjas believe in 6th sense and what not.

***Prototypes/Insanity part 2 + 3***

Oh SHI- 'Tron is a creepy creepy bot. Nice to see this interaction though, it develops his character. This could go very bad or perhaps even good if it teaches him something positive.... I'll have to wait and seeee!

Nice to see how the Sharon, TC, and Scream's whole family workings. Still very loving though not quite normal. Scream watching sex and interfacing lesson was hot~

***Guardian Part 2 ***
Haha, I love how you have Skye baking. And how apologetic he is after he messes up! D'aw! X3 I love the unplanned accidently smex. X3
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From Rockinmuffin on December 17, 2008
Review for Prototypes/Insanity Par 3:

I laughed during the entire first scene of this, especially at TC�s over exaggerated reaction to the destruction of Macys. He should do commercials for them. (Shop at Macys: IT�S THE GREATEST STORE IN THE WORLD!) And poor Scream can�t use his favorite words anymore. I don�t really see the harm in him saying �bro� or �Cuz� but I guess Sharon is just trying to get through to his head that he shouldn�t be using any gangsta� sort of slang. Of course, wh9ile Scream may not be black, he�s technically not really white either�

Aww, poor Scream is afraid of thunder storms. Truth be told, the really loud ones still scare the crap out of me. Wish I was still young enough to go crawl to my mom�s room without looking like a doofus. Though, I don�t think I�d have the same reaction as Scream if I heard/saw my own parents �interfacing.� xD Ha! But, on the bright side, this means that Scream has reached another breakthrough and is one step closer to total rehabilitation.

So, Tracy mistakenly called Tron a �demon,� huh? That�s probably the closest thing to the truth. Though, while Tron�s sense of his own self-worth and the worth of those around him is screwed up, that�s because of the way he was raised and he can�t be entirely faulted with that. And, really, the fact that he wants to convince clones of their sentience, though his reasons are somewhat misguided, shows that he has a sense of justice, no matter how twisted it may be.

Because you hadn�t used it up till now, I nearly forgot Tron could transform into a gun. And then I got an image of him transforming and ordering Tracy to shoot someone. xD Damn, my imagination is a twisted mistress.

I loved this chapter; so much happened in it! Scream is working to get over his fear while Tron is plotting and surviving among humans until he finds the means to accomplish whatever it is he wants. (The enslavement of the humans, perhaps?)

Until next time! xD
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From EerieIri on December 17, 2008
Excluding the Insanity/Prototypes, I have read all of the Prototypes that are up, and I must say I absolutely love them. I think you've succeeded in making them all very real.

As for the Insanity and now Insanity/Prototypes, I'm sorry, but other than the small amount that I read, I will not be reading that particular mini series. As I assume you are trying to make sure your readers/fans (me = fan) are thouroughly horrified, I must say I very much doubt that you failed. To me, well, I can't read that level of abuse without feeling sick. However, from what I did read, it was well written, and please know that I am not trying to be rude or mean. I'm just letting you know why I will not be reviewing that particular series. Sorry.
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