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Borealis: A Zutara Story	By : jaded_priceless Category: Avatar - The Last Airbender > AU/AR - Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality Views: 33965 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, any historical figures or events, or easily recognizable persons, places or things. I make no profit from this work of fanfiction

Chapter List
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Chapter 089
Katara forced herself to eat the gruel that was given to her so she’d have the strength to continue healing herself. The doctor on call bluntly denied all of her request for water or a bath until she could be examined by the head physician. She fell back to sleep while she was waiting.
Bingwen arrived and checked Zuko’s vitals first. He was concerned that the prince had not risen, but relaxed after Amayu confessed both patients had woken during her shift. She’d given him another sedative while Katara was bathing. She felt it would be the best course of action for both patients. The head doctor agreed considering Zuko's agitated demeanor.
Bingwen woke Katara and he along with Amayu obtained her permission to do another gynecological exam after explaining the tools that they would use. None of them were surprised to learn there was still internal damage. Dr. Bingwen excused himself when he saw she was becoming more upset and advised Amayu to explain how Katara could use a speculum and a mirror to assist her in healing those areas. She had explained in the Water Tribes only women performed those types of examinations and been reluctant to allow him to tend to her even in Amayu’s presence.
Katara limped into the restroom. She lowered herself onto a towel placed in the shower then drew a stream of water deep into herself as Amayu held the mirror and looked the opposite direction. Little by little she felt the pain subside and remembered how Kanna, her northern cousin, taught her how to shorten her menstrual cycle by bending the fluids out of her. The importance of the lesson was worded very carefully, “Once you learn how to control your cycle by sloughing the cells of uterus nothing unwanted will reside in your womb” and “remember always rinse carefully lest you leave something behind”.
Last night she was unconscious and unable to remove his semen. She didn’t want to take a chance for his spawn to take hold. She waited until Amayu was called into the next room to carefully guide the water past her cervix and into her uterus. She fought the urge to wince, forcing herself to remain still as the water went far deeper than she had ever sent it. She placed one hand over her belly and made slow circles then guided it back out with her other hand.
Katara stared at the viscous fluid; it was thick with red and brown clumps; one of which was a different shade and more defined than the rest. She touched it. The majority of clumps on the towel were soft and shapeless but the tiny odd lump was a lighter color and hard. She picked it up and frowned slowly realizing her last menstrual cycle was before the invasion. This lump was tadpole shaped and hard as it moved across her palm.
She lifted her hand bringing it in for closer inspection. Ying and yang. Tui and La. All life had come from the ocean. As a reminder everything started out in the same tiny format – yin and yang – Tui and La. Tadpoles. Everything began in the shape of a tiny tadpole before taking the shape of its parents.
Katara couldn’t completely ignore the part of her upbringing crying out that she had destroyed a gift that Tui and La had bestowed on her. It begged her to use her healing powers to attempt to restore it. She didn’t want Zuko’s child. She had no intentions of bearing his child but she also had no idea she was already carrying - half of the tiny mass she was staring at had come from her. Was hers.
Tears mingled with the shower spray as the tiny little lump of her soul that the spirits had allowed to be corrupted by Zuko slipped through her fingers and down the drain.
Numbed by her discovery Katara stared between her legs. She was bleeding. The towel she was sitting on was covered in blood. She slid forward so it was no longer beneath her then lifted the towel to study each clump. They squished and jiggled between her fingers before sliding down the drain. Clots. Simply clots like the ones present during her normal monthly flow. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry that there weren't any more tadpoles so she once again directed the water between her legs and watched it glow.

Bingwen and Amayu did another examination after she emerged. He said she’d made excellent progress but there was room for improvement as well as a high risk of scarring and infertility. He would keep her in the infirmary for as long as possible since she mostly needed to recuperate unhindered by the attentions of a brutish teenager.
Zuko walked over in time to hear the doctor call him a brute and tell Katara the injuries he’d given her had most likely compromised her ability to bear children. He parted the curtain and stepped to her bedside. Her back was turned to him and she was curled in a ball crying. The one sentiment his father and uncle both agreed upon on echoed through his mind, “You never think things through. You act rashly without considering the possible consequences.”
He hadn’t wanted to hurt Katara. He only wanted to scare her; to show her what would happen if she continued to defy him and was given to the crew or if she ran away again and the wrong person found her. He never meant to hurt her that badly and certainly not to take away her ability to have children. Even he knew how much that meant to a woman. He wasn’t completely ignorant of what happened to a woman unable to produce heirs for her husband.
All of the options were cruel and demeaning in their own way. In some cases the woman was discarded and received a pension especially if she was the recipient of her husband’s first sowing. If her husband enjoyed her sexually, she became his mistress while he took a new wife who could give him children. If he could not afford to lose the valuable social, political, or economic benefits he earned through connections to her family she remained his wife, while he favored the mistress who had given him children and paraded them in her face. In good marriages in which here was love and respect the husband would often “adopt” a child who looked remarkably like him and bring the infant home for his wife to raise.
He didn’t wish that on Katara. He grew up feeling like a second class citizen in his own home. He didn’t wish that on any woman, but especially not Katara. If he allowed that to happen it would forever be a stain upon his honor. She was kind and caring and deserved children to love. She’d even shown him kindness yesterday after he’d been hurt by Mai. He’d forced himself on her, but she still found the compassion to comfort him, “Katara.”
She stiffened and pulled the blankets over her head, “Go away.”
He slipped in the bed behind her and pulled her, blanket and all, into his arms, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you so badly. I heard what Bingwen said about you might not be able to have children. I don’t want any. I’ll probably mess them up anyway. Stay with me. Be my queen. I can always select one of Azula’s to be my heir or ask Uncle Iroh to father one for us to raise. I promise to always cherish you. Stay with me.”

She sobbed harder and again asked him to leave. If only Bingwen had said that she may never have children ten minutes earlier. She had performed the cleanse as a precaution. She never expected to find anything. Even though she had been in Zuko’s custody for weeks and at first it hurt too bad to take proper precautions there wasn’t supposed to be anything there. She had been ruined by Zuko and now she was broken beyond repair. Most men weren’t like Bato choosing to remain solely with a woman unable to give them children.
The Southern Water Tribe was centered around family and community but the living conditions were harsh. If a person had no children there was no one to care for them in their old age. If a woman was barren it was common for a husband to bring a second woman into the family. Often it was a widow close to their age but still capable of bearing children. It was rare but sometimes someone much younger was chosen. After the raid many women threw themselves at Bato citing Amnak’s defect. She had just lost their third child a few weeks earlier. Katara wasn’t supposed to know, but she was aware Bato had given into the temptation then and again after Amnak lost their fourth child two years later. He had lain with two women but never invited them into his home much less asked them to become a co-wife to Amnak.
Bato didn’t deny making those mistakes. He was ashamed of himself and regretted hurting the woman he loved. He hated the way the women he had slept with looked at his wife. After her fifth miscarriage he became more protective of her. He stood in the small marketplace and declared his wife was perfect. In front of everyone he blamed their childless state on himself; his seed was weak and crumbled under her desire to give him a strong healthy child. If he were a better man, a stronger man their home would be bursting with daughters and sons instead of the one son left behind by his brother which his wonderful wife loved as her own despite being blood kin to the pitiful man who had done her so wrong.
There were other men who had wives and healthy children willing to marry and provide for a barren woman. His children became children of her spirit and were duty bound to care for her as a second mother but the lives of those women were often unhappy. They were resented by the first wife who had married for love and had no intention of ever sharing her husband.
Those feelings carried over to the children who saw their mother unhappy after the second woman moved into the home. The marriages often lacked affection and warmth. There was only reason a married man with children took in a second woman. His wife had proven to be fertile and each time they shared Tui and La’s union there was the possibility a life would generate between them. A barren woman did not cause the same concern; he could lay with her as often as he wanted without worrying about an additional mouth to feed or person to care for.
There was a name for such women – fur warmers. They lived marginal existences inside their home or in cases of extreme discord, tents next door, and solely provided sexual pleasure. The wife would not allow them to participate in household chores unless it was solely for her own benefit as it implied she lacked in some area. She could not babysit as the wife felt it meant she were incapable of caring for children. The only margin of happiness came if the first wife died in childbirth, any other manner could bring about an accusation of murder. If the wife died in childbirth she became a mother by default and the infant gave a chance with a little one who bore no prejudice against her.
Even in cases where the wife suggested the marriage to have another person help with housework or to help a friend who had been left by her husband there was soon resentment the moment her husband lie with her. Katara pressed her face deeper into the pillow and pulled the blankets tighter until there was no longer any room for air. No man would chose a potentially barren wife who’d been raped repeatedly by the Fire Nation but the monster who damaged her was asking her to spend her life with him. She could think of only one way to escape such a bleak and dismal future.

Zuko pressed a kiss to the back of the blankets where he thought her head would be as she slowly started to relax in his arms. He slid closer to her, upsetting the constricting blanket and pillow arrangement to allow room for oxygen as he vowed to always care for her, “I swear I won’t abandon you or flaunt some baby making mistress in your face. Please just say you’ll be with me for the rest of my life. Be my queen Katara, I’ll do everything I can to protect you and make you happy.”

Outside the curtain two elderly men heard every heartfelt promise the young prince made but would never be allowed to keep. Fan had been checking to see if Bingwen needed additional rice gruel or something more substantial for his patients. The cook reached into his pocket, removed the ever present flask, took a long drink, and offered it to his companion, “This is why it never pays to be sober in the mornings.”
Bingwen, who normally abstained, pulled out a small cup and agreed.

Author’s Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and provided feedback. I was pleasantly surprised to see so many. (Thanks for the birthday gifts :-) )

Arraye: Sokka is Katara’s primary concern because he has very little use as a prisoner. Aang is still captured and in danger. Chu-hua has threatened to remove his limbs. Be warned, I never said their relationship would be normal.

AlishaDarling: It will be a long and difficult journey before Katara starts to love him.

CultOfStrawberry: Yes, poor Sakura indeed. There will be quite a bit of time before Zuko joins the Avatar. He has to earn their trust first. This is my first Zutara and second multi-chapter fic. I’m discovering pacing and timing are my weaknesses with both of them.

PS - Several of you have mentioned the update schedule, pacing of the story and length of chapters. I want to move the story along hence the short chapters with frequent updates but I do not write in chronological order. I don’t want to post myself into a corner by missing a detail and creating a paradox that conflicts with something already written that happens later or miss an opportunity for improvement. If anyone knows of a way to combat this I am open to suggestion and constructive criticism.
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Borealis: A Zutara Story