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Just One More Sin	By : AberrantScript Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 5501 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House and make no money off this work of fiction.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
Author's Notes:
I'm finally done with this abomination. Most of this chapter is self-explanatory.
Reader be advised: depictions of Hell, death, suicide, and abortion (from the baby's perspective). Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer: The Loud House Copyright Nickelodeon (2018)
Chapter 6: Just One Death
The room is pitch black.
Not a thing can be seen.
A chair turns in its place.
A man's sullen face can be seen.
He bends his body straight, his back cracks and his joints snap.
He puts his arms onto the chair and lifts himself up on shaky legs.
He walks to a window and looks outside.
Nothing.
No light can be seen in this place…
In this deep and dark place where the light is terrified to go.
A bitter winds passes through the walls, making him shiver.
He turns toward the fourth wall.
He looks at the audience of readers.
And he smiles wanly, sickly.
"Darkness is something unique to every person."
He goes to a wall and leans against it.
"What each person hides in their deepest core is unique to them."
He bows his head and screws his eyes shut.
"What I am about to show you is something…"
Tears fall from his cheeks.
"…I can imagine no greater evil."
He looks at the readers, unknowing what else to say, and sighs.
"I have revealed more of myself than I would have liked while writing this abomination, but… what is one more sin? I might as well keep going."
He looks at his trembling hands.
"My body shakes as I write these very words down. My mind is haunted with thoughts and contemplations that will never leave me."
He looks again at his audience.
"I will give you this one final chance to turn away now… because beyond me is darkness… and in this darkness lies things that keep even me awake at night."
He moves to his chair, his bones frozen stiff and his arms trembling around his chest.
"If you haven't realized this by now… this isn't an ordinary fanfiction."
He pulls out a very small chest and lifts a key.
"Welcome to the dark mind of a broken soul."
He opens it and a thick haze engulfs the room until only his frail smile could be seen; his voice could be heard.
"Enjoy your stay."
Laughter erupts from the walls as the ground crumbles and falls into nothing.
I lift the knife to my neck once again as I do every morning.
I look at my sullen face in the mirror. I look haggard. I look like death.
I plaster a smile onto my cheeks, the knife cutting a fine cut by accident, and the combination only makes me look worse.
This is not the face of a Christian woman.
This is not the body of a spiritual teacher, a defender of children.
This is not the voice that belongs in a choir nor the eyes that should always be searching the skies for Christ's return.
This… I don't know what this is.
This… in the mirror… isn't Lori Loud. It isn't.
I throw the knife aside and fall to the ground, clutching my knees to my chest.
I don't know who this person is!
I don't know who this is controlling my body, running my mind, guiding my thoughts!
I look at my trembling hands and I clench them tightly.
They shake worse.
I slam my fists to the ground, and the burst of pain makes me cry in shock.
I take my nails and drag them across the carpet, across my wooden chair, across my own legs and breasts until they feel loose and weak and ready to fall out.
I fall backward, lying on the ground, and I weep even harder.
God can see me now. He can see me!
He knows me like no other!
He has seen what I have done to Luna… to Lincoln.
He can see what I hide in my heart… what I am too scared to think about.
That only terrifies me more.
I flip onto my stomach and brace my hands and knees on the floor.
It takes agonizing effort to lift myself up onto my hands and knees, and my weak body screams in pain and misery.
I see the glistening knife beside me, and I beg my hand to place it below my stomach… I beg my arms and legs to give out…
I push myself up to my feet. I fall against the desk and look into the mirror.
The woman I see before me isn't the Lori I have always known.
But she is me.
And I close my eyes and gasp for breath.
I pray the same thing I have prayed for the last several nights. Uncountable times.
"God… please…"
I look into the mirror once again…
"Forgive me…"
My hand touches the reflective surface, where my cheek would be…
"And then kill me so I may sin no more."
It takes me much longer than normal to get ready for church that morning.
My body moves mechanically.
My mouth speaks unknowingly.
I cannot remember anything, but my unconscious soul handles that for me.
I hold entire conversations with dear friends that I cannot remember only one hour later.
I hold a crying child to my breast and soothe their fears away… yet, I remember not their name.
The only thing I can think of is my prayer.
And in the early hours of dawn, as I step out of the house and walk to church early to prepare a free breakfast for the homeless in the community, that is the only thing on my heart.
As I walk around a corner, I do not look up.
I keep my head bowed, my eyes closed, and my lips ceaselessly moving in prayer.
When I do open my eyes, I see a van coming toward me.
And I hear my own voice speak to me in a silent plea, "Please."
I clasp my hands together behind my lower back. I stare straight ahead as my foot touches down on bare asphalt.
My lips are endlessly racing.
Forgive me.
My heart is pounding faster than it has ever before.
I will sin no more.
My ears hear the sound of screaming brakes.
Forgive me just this once.
I open my arms to God.
And let me die.
And I blink my eyes open to see nothing.
I feel nothing.
I am resting.
I am at peace.
I sigh.
But it does not last.
The darkness slowly drifts away from me to reveal the presence of heat.
A cloak slowly drags across my body, and in fright I turn around to see a faceless man holding me in his strong grip. His black wings beat softly into the air.
I look down and I see fire and I see nothing and I see darkness; and the three mesh together so finely I cannot tell where one stops and the others start.
I open my mouth to speak to him, but I cannot move.
He drops me, and I fall.
But the flames catch me.
I try to swim away, but the darkness is endless.
I try to scream for my family, for my parents, for my brother, for my God… but nothing can hear me in this place.
I find myself a corner in the darkness.
I feel the fire licking at my feet, always burning but never consuming me.
I look up from where I came, and I can see them.
I clench my eyes tightly shut, but I cannot cry for my tears are gone.
I open my lips and I speak…
"God… please…"
I look up and I can see Him.
"…kill me and end this."
But He doesn't respond.
He cannot hear me.
And that is when it finally hits me.
As I fall to my face and bathe myself in a lake of fire and ash.
This is what I begged for…
My death.
My back screams in pain, and it feels hollow and sore… like something is inside me, but not inside me at the same time. I cannot roll onto my side. I cannot even open my eyes.
My body is ice.
I huddle under a pile of blankets, but I find no heat.
My thin hands drift into view, shaking from the constant chill, and I cannot even clench them shut.
I try.
And I cry because they can only make it halfway. They just… they stop. They cannot go anymore.
I try to move my toes, but they cannot wiggle.
I try to move my legs and arms, but they are leaden weights too heavy for me to lift.
I cough harshly and my back curls off the bed as I gag and vomit threatens to come up my throat. It won't go away. I keep hacking until it burns and I am sure I must be bleeding.
I turn and look for a cup of water, but there is none.
My head cannot turn back into its place. It sits there even after my spine begins to ache and beg for me to move.
My breathing is labored and ragged.
My eyes cannot close; cannot blink.
I feel the ice deep inside me. My heart does not beat. My lungs do not breathe. I cannot tell whether I am alive or dead, and I have not the energy to even care.
My entire life was a flame. Bright and passionate.
And my own desires led me to the edge of a cliff and I, manic as I am, jumped to see if I could fly…
And I found myself falling and hurtling, deeper and farther than I ever wanted to go.
Now… my flame is snuffed out.
I cannot muster the will to twitch my finger.
I cannot even pray in my mind for strength to rise and feed my dying corpse.
I close my eyes, knowing they may very well never open again…
And when they do, I will see a much different place.
I care nothing for my family anymore.
I care nothing for what I did to Lincoln, twice.
I beg not for repentance.
I cry not for mercy.
I deserve this slow, agonizing death.
I deserve to wither away to ashen bones.
When I was younger my greatest desire was to play music.
And now I have gained my wish; as my body's decay trills in the air like a silent flute, losing tempo, dropping in pitch…
One day I see my sister leave.
And I close my eyes.
And when I open them I see nothing.
At first I think it is nighttime.
But then I hear Lori.
Begging for death.
And I crawl toward her.
There is nothing here but darkness.
No light. No day. No sun. No fire.
I move at a snail's pace to the very edge of a cliff, and the dreadful sound of Lori tears into me like glass shards.
"Don't let them die like me! Please, save them, God! Forgive them!"
I wet my lips and open my mouth, and speak, "L-Lori?"
And she screams in agony in reply.
"No! Luna!"
I cannot see her.
But, what I do not know, is that she can see me.
What I do not know is that I am blind.
She screams louder, pleading for God to let me return.
Return where?
"L-Lori…"
"Oh, God, Luna… w-why? WHY!?"
I don't understand, so I crawl farther, but the edge has no ending.
"No, stop!"
I can't.
I need her.
I feel something I haven't felt in months.
Fear.
"Lori, I need you. Where are you?"
She cries for me.
"I'm sorry, Luna. I'm sooo sorry. Forgive me! I'm sorry! Sorry!"
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Why?
I stretch my hand out, feeling nothing, and she screams at me to stop.
"I cannot stop, Lori. I need you. I have to get to you."
"You can't! There's a gulf s-separating us. I-i-it's impassable."
I feel that tiny spark of passion inside me once more, not to prove her wrong, but to will my body to do the impossible to get to my sister.
I move my legs over the edge and lean forward.
"Stop, please, Luna! I'm begging you to stop!"
I look in her direction, unseeing and crying for her… desiring to be in her arms more than anything else in this world.
"I need you, Lori."
She screams for me to stop, but I don't.
I stretch and reach farther and farther until I feel my body shift and jerk forward.
I feel a weightless sensation and my mouth opens to scream. My limbs flail and the deep ice inside me grows stronger with each passing second.
My sister's screams grow weaker until I can no longer hear them.
My screams are swallowed by the depths until I can no longer hear my own voice.
I am falling and falling, endlessly.
"Lori!"
Save me!
But she cannot hear me.
For the first time in months I plead to God to save me.
But He cannot hear me.
I fall and fall, farther away from my sister, into a place that is endless.
Each passing second makes the ice in my heart grow until I become stiff.
Soon I cannot breathe for the air is too cold.
Soon I cannot scream for I am dry and withered, and without water.
Soon my heart jerks inside me as I realize where I am.
I was once the brightest flame in my family.
And now I am in the darkest place of Hell.
My passion led me to jump, and like a fool I obeyed my urges.
And now I grow farther and farther away from my sister; unable to see anything; unable to touch ground; unable to even cry out in pain.
I hug my arms to my chest one moment before my muscles harden into stone.
And every second for one eternity, I hear my sister's voice in my mind… begging for me to stop… for me to listen to her… for God to save me…
And every second I fall deeper into the endless pit of Hell.
My name is Luna Loud.
This was the story of my eternal death.
Turn back now because it only gets worse.
A new voice will be heard…
…and it will scream louder than we ever could.
In the deepest darkness, a tiny flame flickers out of nothing.
It is incredibly small, but fluttering with life.
It beats to a sacred rhythm.
Bump.
Ba-bump.
Bump.
Ba-bump.
Two little hands reach out into the darkness and feel around.
Two little feet bend and curl, kicking with life and playfulness.
A little head dips and spins, two eyes looking across the vast void in awestruck wonder.
All around me, the gentle wave of life thrums with energy and comfort; washing over me, filling my ears, guiding my heart to the same rhythm and beat.
I twist and twirl without any care in the world.
The blood in my heart flows through my body, carrying precious oxygen to needful limbs and organs.
A gentle rush of vibrations crashes against me and I turn toward the noise, smiling in wonder as a soothing angel speaks from above.
A rhythmic hum cradles me and I thrill in ecstasy as that heavenly voice begins talking again.
I feel a shift in weight, but soon it's over and I return to my happy movements.
I am fully dependent on the angel watching over me. That blessed guardian that speaks and I listen. That voice, so calm and soothing; engrained into my mind as the source of all my comfort.
I am incredibly sensitive to the slightest motion, the faintest touch.
I can feel her heartbeat against me; I know what she is feeling.
Her sadness pours into me and it leaves me confused… makes me scared.
She trembles and I grow frantic in my movement.
My guardian angel is frightened. I must do something. Anything!
I grow terrified in an instant as she moves again.
I can hear her sniffling above me.
I can feel her moving, laying back, spreading her legs.
I move my eyes around but I cannot see beyond the darkness encasing me like a shield.
My angel twists suddenly.
I hear her scream, and my heart stops.
I feel her body get pushed down… get held in place.
I move faster, trying to get closer to her beating heart… deeper into her sacred place.
Then…
My home changes.
Something is here with me.
I look around. I cannot see.
My hands reach out and fist the air inside my bubble of safety. Nothing.
Then…
My bubble is pierced suddenly and I instantly open my mouth to scream.
But I cannot be heard inside this watertight cell of protection, designed to give me life, to keep me safe from any harm.
Something grabs my leg and I try to move away. I try to escape.
It twists suddenly, breaking my bones; tearing my flesh; pulling my limb from my living body.
I scream as my own blood begins to leave me in a gushing wave.
It rips my other leg from my torso and I feel lightheaded. I feel delirious.
I scream for my angel to save me.
I scream for her to reach down and protect me.
I scream for her… but she cannot hear me.
My hands grasp something sleek and cold moments before my own arms are torn from me like a stalk is ripped away from its roots.
I am crying in my final moments.
Something reaches around my chest… around my own beating heart.
And it suddenly squeezes me; crushing me; pulling my heart and lungs out of my body… one by one.
Finally, as my brain lives on its last few seconds of energy…
…my eyes blink as it sees two unholy arms reaching for my head…
And in the next moment I can see a bright and shining light.
I look down and see a pure white robe draped around my shoulders.
My arms and legs are here.
My heart is beating inside my chest.
I see a Man before me; His face shining like a sun; His clothes spotless and pure; His hands and feet pierced.
And even though I have never met Him before, I know what it is He has done for me.
I know what He saved me from.
I fall down to His feet and look at the ground.
He puts His arms around me and lifts me up.
I look into His eyes; He is smiling at me.
He speaks to me, "When your father and your mother forsake you, then I will take you up."
I cry and throw my arms around Him. I tremble against Him and thank Him; over and over again.
In life my mother did not even give me a name.
But this Man gave me a name. He gave me acceptance.
When the ones that I completely relied upon to protect me decided to murder me in my own cocoon of growth and safety, this Man received my soul in His arms and gave me new life.
I hear a beautiful choir begin singing, and I turn toward them.
I see billions of souls just like me.
Nameless.
Forsaken.
Completely devoted and trusting in their own guardian angels only to be murdered.
And I step into line with them… a line that grows by thousands with each passing day.
And together, we open our lips, and sing,
"Someone will love me in Heaven; on that beautiful shore.
I won't be an orphan in glory; I'll live in God's care evermore."
I never met my mother.
I know not her name.
I know not her face.
But I remember her voice. And even though she is responsible for my own death, her gentle, soothing voice is the only comfort I ever knew in my life on earth.
For all of eternity I hear her voice and it makes me sing.
For all of eternity I wait to see my mother step through those pearly gates.
I long to embrace her; to forgive her; to love her as a daughter.
I long to adore her; to hear her voice sing sweetly to me.
But for all of eternity…
She never came.
On earth she threw me away… a living soul; her own daughter…
And for all of eternity, the only thing I will ever have of my mother…
Is the voice that soothed my soul only moments before I died the most gruesome death imaginable.
I lean against the toilet, vomiting until blood pours from my mouth.
I fall down the stairs, feeling my bones crack and my joints snap.
I fall upon the water rushing down a stream in the woods…
And I look up with tears in my eyes.
I scream for my daughter.
I scream for God to let me have her once again; to let me give birth to her; to hold her and cherish her and love her.
I wade deeper into the stream.
I scream louder and louder; never stopping until the water has covered my lips and I am drowning.
I throw my arms out, hoping in my final seconds to be able to hold my daughter to my breast… to see her lips upon my chest and growing with milk from my own body… to see her take her first wobbly steps… to hear her say my name.
When I blink my eyes open I am kneeling on scorched earth.
Spines are protruding from a wall and into my back, making me bleed constantly but never letting me bleed out.
My wrists are shackled with fiery chains to an ashen wall.
Flame is dancing across me; burning me; making me scream in agony.
But the only thing that matters…
Is that I can see my beautiful daughter right in front of my eyes.
So close I could touch her if my hands were free.
She looks just like me, and a little bit like Lincoln.
I scream for her to look at me. I scream for her to let me see her eyes; to see her smile.
Tears fall until my eyes dry up and burn and crack.
I spend all of eternity trying to break free from my own chains; to reach out and touch my daughter.
I spend all of eternity screaming into coughing fits and pleading for God to let me hold her to my breast for just one minute.
I spend all of eternity seeing my daughter; and she never seeing me.
I step into my brother's room and I close the door.
Three of my sisters are dead.
And it has left me feeling weak… like three parts of my soul have parted from me.
Once upon a time I could walk easily and abused my brother with my hatred.
But now… now weakness has taken a toll on me.
Now… I struggle to go to him.
I started off like a raging fire, burning everything in my path.
And now I'm… afraid.
Without Lori… I don't feel a sense of purpose anymore.
Without Luna… I don't feel a desire to be angry.
Without Luan… I can't even rationalize in my head the demons that have begun to haunt me.
Above all things, I am empathy…
And once the only tragic sibling I have remaining is Lincoln…
The one riddled with fears.
…I quickly lost my rage… and I fell into depression.
I see my brother upon his bed.
Only his chest moves.
He hasn't eaten in days. Neither have I.
Without the other parts to my soul… without my dearest sisters… what am I?
I lean down to my brother and kiss his lips chastely.
I pull away and look at his grey skin.
He is sweating. His heart races. His breathing is ragged.
His anxieties never leave him now.
And I don't have the energy to fight them on my own.
I need my sisters… but it is too late.
It was always too late.
From the moment we entertained the thought of sin… we sealed our fate.
My arms and legs are thin.
My ribs poke through my skin.
My head feels light and hollow.
I get under the blanket and I snuggle against him.
I lay his head on my naked breasts and kiss his hair.
He whimpers and begins to cry; but cannot speak.
I massage his scalp until he falls asleep.
I open my lips and sing,
"When I come to the river at the ending of day…"
I clasp his hand in mine.
"When the last winds of sorrow have blown…"
I feel his pulse weaken. I feel his lungs cease, and his mouth gasps.
"There'll be somebody waiting to show me the way…"
I close my eyes and feel my body grow cold and still.
"I won't have to cross Jordan alone."
And, in each other's arms, we die.
In a dark, cold room, a man is standing.
He is surrounded by four walls.
A ghost steps out of his body and moves to the first wall.
He looks into the face of Lori, and he feels the misery of disappointment and failing in duty.
A second ghost steps out of his body and moves to the second wall.
He looks into the face of Luna, and he feels the coldness of a life without passion.
A third steps out of his body and moves to the third wall.
He looks into the face of Luan, and he has lost his ability to be sociable, to be intimate mentally.
A final ghost steps from his body and moves to the last wall.
And he looks into the face of Leni, and he falls to his knees as every drop of love and affection leaves him.
Kneeling on the floor between his four sisters is Lincoln…
His arms crossed over his chest; his body freezing and shivering; his mind a haze of fear and pain.
And a gentle wind drifts into the room, taking his four sisters away like leaves in an autumn breeze.
He tries to reach for them, but it is no use.
Crying and trembling, he hears metal scraping on the stone floor.
He looks up and sees a cloak of darkness approaching.
A skeletal hand points at his chest, and Lincoln shakes his head, "No."
Two bony hands lift a scythe into the air.
Lincoln clasps his hands to the only thing he has left in his soul… his very heart.
The metal slices through the air with a whistle.
And all was dark.
There is never an end.
Only nothing or everything, forevermore.
Final Notes:
Medical details: Abortion took place during the second trimester (specifically, after 20 weeks). Method was dilation and evacuation (D & E). The number of nameless members of that choir was based on the Guttmacher Institute's yearly report on worldwide abortions (specifically, from 1973 to most recent).
I truly despise this story. If you didn't guess, the man is me. Needless to say, I had an interesting adolescence. Heh. This isn't entirely based on real events, obviously. But the order of sisters, what they represent, and my descriptions of Lincoln were entirely based on reality. If I had to choose a scene I liked most, it would be the one where Leni claimed she had become Death. That was truly beautiful to me.
My plans now are to continue with A Woman After My Own Heart, and to write up several oneshots that I've been slowly developing. The first update will likely be a lewd oneshot where Lola gets cold and she needs a big strong man to keep her company... and I don't mean Lincy~ :3
Thank you to everyone that did read this.
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Just One More Sin