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Borealis: A Zutara Story	By : jaded_priceless Category: Avatar - The Last Airbender > AU/AR - Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality Views: 33524 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, any historical figures or events, or easily recognizable persons, places or things. I make no profit from this work of fanfiction

Chapter List
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Chapter 299

Katara closed her eyes thinking of those who warmed her heart and what brought joy to her spirit. She felt the water in the damp air around her as she meditated and cooled it slightly with her exhalations. It had been summer in the Northern Water Tribe when the Fire Nation attacked. Winter, true winter would not have let their ship or Appa approach. The temperature in the room was slowly approaching the climate of the outer portion of the spirit oasis as she exhaled and she remembered a forbidden conversation she once had there.

Pakku had often kept her after class grilling her about Gran-Gran but one day he’d kept her for a different type of lesson. They’d walked across the city before Pakku carved a small tunnel which he instructed her to close behind them.

They sat at the edge of the heavily guarded spirit oasis and he’d asked, “Katara, who are you?”

She’d begun in the standard manner by introducing herself as Sokka’s younger sister, then her parents, then Gran-Gran. She was giving the names of her maternal grandparents when he stopped her, “I didn’t ask who you were related to. I asked who are you? Who is Katara? I know our society is one of community but we each have a role in the community which only we can play. There are certain unique gifts and talents within you that were given only to you for a reason – and I’m not just talking about your Waterbending.”

Pakku gestured towards the koi which housed the moon spirit and said, “What is it that makes Katara, Katara? Who is it that only you can be? What is it that only you can do?

“Your Grandmother asked me that question right before she ran away. I gave her the standard answer and she told me that she could not live with the person who answered but she was willing to take a chance on a life with Pakku. I didn’t understand what she meant but I’ve had sixty long years to contemplate the answer.”

He lifted his face from Yue and regarded her, “The only thing your grandmother has ever seen me as was scrawny, wild-haired Pakku. She never saw the historian’s youngest son and most likely successor or Master Ullu’s prized student. She only saw a skinny boy with a stick up his ass.”

Pakku chuckled, “Your grandmother was determined to kick me in the head as many times as she needed to until it fell out.”

“You reminded me of bold crazy girl I fell in love with. Kanna knew who she was Katara. She knew who she was as a person and what she would or would not stand for. She did not let anyone change or define her place in the world once she’d figured it out. I lost her because didn’t do that.”

“I fell back into the safe and familiar expectations given to a man of our society and lost the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

Pakku sighed, “So help me if that idiot brother of yours doesn’t remind me of the boy I used to be; the awkward fool who believed in himself that Kanna was willing to take a chance with.”

He patted her knee affectionately, “Don’t make my mistake, Katara. Don’t let sixty years go by without acknowledging yourself or accepting there are beneficial ways others can change you. Don’t become the perfect ice block carved citizen like I did. The world could use a few more icebergs.”

The next day they left for the Earth Kingdom and Pakku left for the South Pole.

Katara slipped out of bed, dressed then stepped outdoors. Their camp was in the grassy plains and the tall waving grass reminded her of the waves back home. She crossed the portion they’d burned out to drive away snakes then looked over her shoulder to make sure none of the others had stepped out of the large square building created by the Dai Li then pulled a large amount of dew to her. It was plentiful on the long blades and had made the night damp air thick. She began with her own katas; the makeshift movements Tupilek had shown her based on the memory of his older sister’s bending. From there she went to women’s style of the North Pole – healers then the keepers, then to Huu’s Foggy Swamp style then finally to the ones she’d learned from Pakku and Hama.

She stopped once she realized with the exception of Pakku and Foggy Swamp style she’d gone in order of her teachers. Huu certainly would have said the order in which she used her gift had meaning. She began with a style that was entirely hers, gone on to one that was beautiful but had been perverted to control and confine, then to a secret style of great power that had emerged from that perversion. Foggy Swamp style was about being at one with nature and the world around you. It was more like the true ebb and flow of water than the others in terms of accepting the singular truth shared by the unyielding vastness of the ocean as well as the power of change within a single determined trickle.

She’d been thinking of the last real conversation she’d had with Pakku and how his fear of change had led to a life spent contemplating what could have been. Hama also had been unable to let go of the past. Even after learning Hama was a Waterbender and had kidnapped the villagers Mr. Yao held onto his fond feelings for her. Although knew it was unlikely he’d ever see her again, he’d begun doing work on her inn in his free time to get it in shape for her return. Hama wasn’t permitted visitors at the local jail and the soldier didn’t say where they were taking her. Mr. Yao had last gotten a glimpse of her as she was being loaded into a metal box on a cart but still held fast to his feelings and belief he’d see her again.

Katara moved slowly stretching her arms as she moved into something that felt right but had no form. Or rather something she had not yet given form to. She could feel it, the emergence that all of her teachers saw within her. It wasn’t unusual for benders of all elements to come up with their own style but very few made critical advancements. She envied Toph in that the twelve year old had discovered Metalbending and once word spread would be known as the mother of a form. Katara smiled, she wasn’t one to be envious for long. She was happy for Toph, genuinely happy she’d been able to accomplish something so great while so young.

Katara brought the water up and whirled defensively when she heard a noise behind her. She relaxed and let it hang in the air around her.

Zuko was standing in the doorway wearing only his boots and long briefs, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I woke up and you weren’t there.”

Katara relaxed bringing the water to a more neutral position, “I needed to think.”

Zuko nodded and tilted his head upwards to the visibly round moon, “I’m sure that has something to do with it too.”

Katara smiled, “Almost but not quite. There are two more nights.”

Zuko nodded. He and Katara had often discussed her ability to always know the day and his ability to always know the time in relation to the celestial bodies which granted their bending. Her almost full moon nights were the equivalent to his almost noon hours; filled with giddy anticipation as they approached their peak then a feeling of being drained as it wore off. The afternoon slump was the real reason Firebenders were morning people. “I don’t know how you deal with that feeling for two nights.”

Katara laughed, “I don’t know how you deal with that feeling every day.”

“I guess I’m just used to it,” he replied with a shrug. “What were you doing earlier?”

Katara raised her eyebrow, “Bending.”

“I know that. You did something; it reminded me of something Uncle Iroh came up with. He said got the idea from watching Waterbenders,” Zuko explained before giving a demonstration.

Katara watched expecting to see Southern Style bending but was surprised to see that Zuko’s movements were more Northern. Katara began bending the water once more concentrating on each intricate movement as Zuko began to mirror her. On his fifth attempt he added a small fire ball that he could easily hold in one hand. Katara stopped moving and watched as the fireball grew steadily grew larger. Zuko noticed his audience once the ball that began the size of an orange had grown to the size of a large honeydew.

“Katara, why aren’t you?” he stopped after realizing just how much fire he was “Waterbending” and lost control of the flames. Katara giggled as he hastily batted his hands together before slapping away at his right leg.

Zuko reacted automatically to the sound of laughter while he was bending, “What are you laughing at? Do you think this is funny?”

Katara’s eyes widened as she realized why Zuko had gotten so angry so quickly. “No, Zuko, I…” she began to apologize just as his anger fizzled out.

“I’m sorry, Katara. Habit. These past few days,” Zuko hastily muttered. “I just…I mean. One day Aunty’s dead, then she’s alive, then she’s really my aunt. On top of Aunt Bong Cha? I mean where were they hiding when I was little and had no one? Didn’t either of them stop to think, Ursa’s poor kids are left with only that madman to raise them, maybe I should go check on them and make sure Zuko doesn’t get half his face burned off?”

Katara waited until his facial features were no longer distorted to speak, “I was thinking about my master. During the last conversation we had before I left the North Pole he asked me who I was. Not in terms of the people around me, but who I was to myself. He told me that I had to accept myself while acknowledging that people would come into my life either long term or briefly. Their influence had the power to change me for the good or for the worse but I had to know and accept who I am regardless of these things.

“I came out here because I don’t know who I am anymore. Each day I spend with you I become more and more confused. I don’t know if it’s because I’m seeing a different side of the world or because I truly am lost. I saw children die today Zuko and all I can think is what can I do to forget them. What can I do to stop thinking about what your Aunt asked me? Is it cruel of me to wish they were still alive knowing how much they would suffer? Or wrong to take comfort in the fact they’ll never be hurt like the children we saw at New Ursa? Or be used the way you use me? Or know that no one can hurt them the way you’ve hurt me?

“It hurts, Zuko, it hurts to think about those children. The dead ones today and those in New Ursa. It hurts so badly when I think about the things that come after the pain goes away. The dead children will never reach that point, but they’ve been spared the pain. The children in New Ursa… they were children and we let…”

Zuko wrapped his arms around her, “My cousin Lu Ten died during the Siege of Ba Sing Se, Katara. If Lu Ten would have lived the war would be over. Uncle never would have abandoned the battlefield. The Earth Kingdom would be ours, Katara. Your tribe wouldn’t exist. Is it better that my cousin died and so many others lived or better for my family to have been destroyed by that one loss? If Lu Ten hadn’t died, that asshole would have never tried to pawn his bastard off as Lu Ten’s son and my Mom wouldn’t have died trying to protect the person who could expose him. Is it fair that I lost my Mom and older brother or that we both lost our Moms but you got to keep your older brother and your face?”

Katara opened her mouth to argue but Zuko cut her off by repeating the question, “Is it fair that I lost my Mom and older brother or that we both lost our Moms but you got to keep your older brother and your face? Is it fair Katara?”

“Is any of this fair?” Zuko shouted.

After getting no response he huffed, “Agni Katara. You just…Uncle told me that the world is fair, we all are born, we all experience sadness, loss, pain, then death. The world is remarkably fair in that we all suffer.”

Zuko inhaled and exhaled deeply as his father’s words came to mind, “The world isn’t fair. It is less fair to those who sit around crying and whining ‘it isn’t fair’ than to those who reach out, grab it with both hands and try to wrest it to their will. The world is an unfair place, it will never sit back and do our bidding but we have within our grasps the power to make damn sure we aren’t at the bottom of a pile of losers who let life happen to them. My father told me that the day he banished me.”

“Are the words of Fire Lord Ozai supposed to comfort me?” Katara asked

“No Katara, they aren’t meant to comfort. They are meant to make you think,” he replied harshly. “And Katara, next time don’t pretend as if you don’t know what you’re offering.”

Katara remained outdoors beneath the moon longer no matter how hard she stared at the sky Yue didn’t come down to talk to her. She wondered if she’d been right all along about Sokka stealing her friend away. Ty Lee had seen Yue and recognized her as a spirit who watched over Sokka.

Katara stared back at the door Zuko had gone back into. It’s just sex. She bit her lip, she’d been wrong to judge the Kyoshi Warriors. It was more than that. She’d learned Avatar Kyoshi had been raped. Her first time had been taken from her by one of those appointed to teach her and she’d been raped again when facing the forces of Chin the Conqueror. She was the Avatar, brave, strong, almighty but still just a woman and there was one surefire way for a man to remind her of it.

The advocacy of free love amongst her followers was a way to ensure that if someone did take their bodies it was all they took; nothing precious was ever taken away. Everything precious was held deep within and given only to those who were deemed worthy. Katara had thought it was garbage until she’d saw the way Suki looked at her brother and blushed when they’d met at the Ferry Station outside of Ba Sing Se. Katara flopped back onto the wet grass. Nothing she’d done had been able to clear her mind of the day’s murders so she’d latched onto Suki’s words from their first meeting.

It’s just sex, Katara, geez, lighten up. Sometimes you just need to blow off some stress. It’s not like it’s a declaration of undying love it’s just a way to escape shit you’d rather not deal with.

Katara rose when she felt the dew drops being unsettled. This area was known for poisonous snakes. She waited, watching the grass and feeling for the change in water then froze the dew to its skin before trapping it in an ice cage and taking it to Amayu’s room.

The doctor opened the door drowsily then yelped after noticing her present, “What the..?”

“Snake,” Katara replied tersely. She never liked the reptiles and handling this rather large one was making her very unhappy.

“I can see that. What do you want me to do with it at this hour?” Amayu inquired.

“Medicine; make medicine. Just take it,” Katara growled forcing the cage and its still inhabitant towards the doctor.

Amayu laughed as she reached into the cage and grabbed the snake firmly behind its head. She was rather fond of the creatures having grown up on a tropical island with several different varieties. “Thanks, I’ll be sure to save a vemon shot for you know who.”

Katara left to the sound of Amayu rousing Toshio and the other doctor in their room to help her with the snake. She paused outside her own door before walking inside. Zuko had done something to remove the damp chill of the night air so the feel of dew on her clothes was almost unbearable. She undressed then walked across the room to lie next to Zuko.

He shivered as he pulled her close to him, “Your skin is cold”

“Uh-huhm,” Katara grunted as she snuggled against torso.

This time when her thigh draped over his hip Zuko didn’t pause to ask questions and Katara offered no refusals.
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Borealis: A Zutara Story