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Smooshed, or, The Nine Wives of Marco Diaz	By : GeorgeGlass Category: +S through Z > Star vs. The Forces of Evil Views: 15416 -:- Recommendations : 7 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Vs the Forces of Evil or its characters. I earned no money from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Chapter 3: I Call Jannanigans
Marco wasn’t sure if this was his weirdest morning ever; since he’d met Star, he’d had some awfully peculiar ones. But this morning was definitely in the top five. No, he thought, the top three, for sure. And a strong contender for number one.
For starters, he’d awakened in the huge four-poster featherbed of the palace’s master bedroom. But the hugeness of the bed hadn’t been immediately apparent because Marco had found himself sandwiched between two buck-naked girls. It had taken all the pseudo-ninja skills he could muster to get out of bed without waking them up—not least by accidentally poking one of them with his morning wood.
He hadn’t even made it to the bathroom, wearing naught but a purple robe he’d found on a hook by the bedroom door, before he encountered the next piece of weirdness: Wigburn, who had somehow heard Marco tiptoeing down the hall and appeared in front of him to ask whether he needed anything. Marco had quickly answered in the negative and hurried to the bathroom to relieve himself, half fearing that the servant would follow him in and try to help him with that. He didn’t, but Wigburn did show up a few minutes later to leave a stack of warm, fluffy towels on the bathroom counter.
The bathroom was the next weird element. Marco had expected a typical master bath, but this bathroom looked more like it belonged in a dormitory at a college for the children of the uber-rich. There were several toilet stalls on one wall and ten sinks on the other, lined up in front of a long mirror. The shower was one big, tiled room with ten showerheads. And all of it was appointed in the fanciest style possible, with royal-blue tile and gold trim everywhere.
Marco had only just finished drying off and re-donning his robe when the bathroom door opened again. This time, it was Star and Jackie. They were wearing robes, too, but they weren’t like Marco’s. Star’s was baby-blue and very, very short, exposing a great deal of bare thigh. Jackie’s was seafoam-green and longer than Star’s, but the two lapels came down in a V, showing off the inner curves of the girl’s otherwise bare breasts. Each robe had its owner’s name stitched in elegant cursive with gold thread on its left-hand lapel.
“Aww, you’re already done showering,” Star said disappointedly. “We were gonna join you.”
“You know, to save water,” Jackie added slyly.
“You sure you’re clean everywhere?” Star asked. “We could do your back.”
“And your front,” Jackie added with a grin.
“That’s, that’s very…environmental…of you,” Marco stammered. “But I should go get dressed. You know, big day, lots to do.”
In hindsight, Marco thought that perhaps he shouldn’t have been so freaked out by this invitation. He was, after all, being offered a chance to get naked with not one but two hot girls, both of whom he had already been intimate with to the maximum possible degree. But so much about this situation was new and incomprehensible that he just couldn’t deal with it all right now.
When Marco arrived back in the bedroom, he looked down at the front of his purple robe and found that it did not have his name sewn into the lapel like the girls’ robes did. But when he took the robe off and hung it on a hook on the back of his closet door, he saw gold lettering across the back of the robe that read KING MARCO. Below it were two logos: a Mewnian crown and a crescent moon. Marco unconsciously touched his cheek.
“Great,” Marco muttered. “If this whole saving-the-world thing doesn’t work out, I’ve got a future in lucha libre.”
The weirdness kept coming, in the form of a knock on the door. It was Wigburn again, asking for Marco’s breakfast order. The girls, it seemed, had already given theirs.
“Um, scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast, I guess,” Marco replied.
“Very good, Your Highness,” Wigburn replied, after which Marco heard rapid, receding footsteps.
As soon as Marco was dressed, he went to find wherever his breakfast was. It turned out that just beyond the castle’s long, stone-walled, banner-festooned dining room was an Earth-style breakfast nook with a bay window that looked out over the town. Star and Jackie were already there, still clad in their robes.
“Hey, Marco,” Star said, “come sit down. You’re gonna love breakfast; Geeda, the Royal Chef, really knows her stuff.”
Almost the moment Marco took a seat at the little breakfast table, Wigburn appeared and set in front of Marco a plate that was piled high with fluffy scrambled eggs and several pieces of bacon. Next to the plate, Wigburn placed a little silver rack that held six triangular half-slices of toast.
“Whoa, Geeda isn’t stingy with the portions,” Marco said.
With a hint of naughtiness in her tone, Star replied, “I told her you were gonna need plenty of protein and carbs to perform your ‘royal duties.’”
“Yeah, so eat up,” Jackie replied with a sly smile, then plunged her fork into her stack of blueberry pancakes.
“And while we’re at it,” Star said, digging into her crepes topped with whipped cream and a scattering of Captain Blanche’s Sugar Seeds, “we can talk business. Who’s going to be Queen Number Three?”
Marco, realizing that there was not much point in trying to argue that the whole “nine queens” prophecy was absurd, decided he might as well play along for now. If there was even a tiny sliver of a chance that the world actually was in danger, then it couldn’t hurt to be prepared.
“Well,” he said, “if the nine queens are supposed to help fight off some great big evil—and I’m not saying I’m buying that—then what about Mime? She was great in our guerilla war against Ludo. She’d be perfect.”
“Exactly,” Star agreed. “Definitely can’t choose her.”
“Wait, what?” Marco replied.
“What what?”
“I said Mime would be perfect, and then you said that was why we couldn’t choose her.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Star said, looking askance at Marco.
“I know!”
“Well,” Jackie cut in, “who do you think we should check out next, Star?”
Star thought for a moment. Then her eyes lit up.
“Janna!”
Jackie pointed a finger at Star. “Definitely Janna.”
“Why Janna?” Marco replied. “She’s not what you call a team player. Plus, I don’t think she’s into me.”
“Wow, are you thick,” Jackie said.
“I know, right?” Star exclaimed.
“You guys heard the Magic Truth Cube of Doom,” Marco insisted. “Janna likes some dead poet, not me.”
“A girl can like more than one guy at the same time,” Star said. “Especially when one of them is dead.”
“Dude,” Jackie added, “why do you think she was always stealing your keys and stuff at school? She just wanted an excuse to stick her hand in your pants.”
“We should go talk to her,” Star declared. “Like, right after breakfast.” Then she looked at Marco with a sneaky grin. “Unless there’s any ‘royal business’ you want to take care of first.” Jackie smiled at that and looked expectantly at Marco.
“I, uh, think I’m gonna need some time to digest this breakfast before we…do that, again.”
“Fair enough,” Star sighed. “I suppose there’ll be plenty of time for gettin’ busy once we bring Janna home.”
Marco did not share even a decent fraction of Star’s confidence that Janna could be recruited into this crazy cabal of affianced teenagers. The only reason why he didn’t openly decry approaching Janna as a fool’s errand was that he hadn’t believed that Jackie would join up, either, and yet she had.
“In that case,” Star said to Marco, “we’ll head out as soon as we’re done eating. Jackie, you want to come too?”
“Maybe I’d better not,” the girl replied. “I mean, with two of you, it’s a conversation; with three of us, it might look like we’re ganging up on her or something.”
“Good point,” Star replied.
Just then, Wigburn appeared at the breakfast table. Star recognized the look on his face as that of a servant bringing bad news.
“Your Highnesses,” Wigburn said, “a Mr. and Mrs. Thomas are downstairs, requesting to see Queen-to-Be Jackie. They appear…displeased.”
“Let them come up,” Jackie said. Turning to Star and Marco as she got up from her chair, she said, “You guys stay here. I’ll go talk to them.” Then she sighed. “I guess I should have said something to them about not coming home last night.”
Jackie went out into the great hall, where the elevator doors were just opening. Wigburn escorted her parents into the hall.
Right off the bat, Jackie’s mother shouted, “Jackie Lynn! What in the world are you doing here? We’ve been worried sick! We had to call Marco’s parents just to find out where you were!”
“Why weren’t you answering your phone?” her father demanded. “And what made you think it would be okay to stay out the entire night without permission, without even saying a word to us?”
“I’m sorry,” Jackie replied. “I, I should have called you. I just got…distracted.”
“Distracted by what?” her mother said sternly.
Jackie realized that she had come out to meet her parents without having any real idea of how to explain what was going on. It all made perfect sense to her, but seeing how angry her parents were, she wasn’t certain she could make them see reason.
“Miss Jackie,” Wigburn said, “if I may be so bold…” Then he turned to Jackie’s parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, your daughter is to become one of nine queens who, with our new king, Marco, are destined to—and I do not exaggerate—save the world. She has come to the royal palace to…enter into the relationship with our king that will help to achieve that end.”
By this time, Marco and Star had sneaked up to the hallway doors and were watching through the gap between them. Marco had half expected Jackie’s parents to drag her away. He certainly hadn’t expected them to say what they said next.
“Oh…well,” Mrs. Thomas said, “that’s…that’s…understandable, I suppose…”
“Yes,” Mr. Thomas said slowly. “It’s a very…worthwhile…thing that you’re doing…”
Marco could see it on their faces: The Thomases were falling under the same spell—or whatever it was, since there was no magic anymore—that Jackie had when he and Star had first spoken to her about becoming one of his queens. And Marco supposed that the same thing had happened to his and Star’s parents.
“And,” Jackie’s mom added, “it does explain the things Marco’s mother said to us on the phone.”
“They seemed very odd at the time,” Mr. Thomas said. “But now it all makes sense.”
Star opened the door and walked into the hall, gesturing for Marco to follow. When he did, Jackie’s mom suddenly embraced him as though he were her long-lost son.
“I’m so happy for you both!” she cried. “I know my daughter will have a wonderful life here. And doing such important work, too.”
“Oh, very important,” Star replied. With a hint of naughtiness, she added, “But also really fun.”
“Well, then,” said Jackie’s father, who had just taken his turn embracing Marco, “we’ll leave you kids to it.”
Then he turned back to Jackie and kissed her on the cheek. “Bye, sweetie.”
“Let us know if you need anything,” her mom added, also kissing her.
“Thanks, Mom,” Jackie said, hugging her.
***
Once the Thomases left, Marco, Star, and Jackie returned to the breakfast nook to finish eating. Then, after the empty plates had been whisked away, Star got changed and met Marco at the elevator, pressing the button as soon as she got there so that they could go see Janna. Star had texted her to let her know that they were going to meet her at her house and walk with her to school. Janna hadn’t yet responded.
Moments later, the elevator doors opened. And there stood Janna, with an olive-drab duffel bag over her shoulder.
“Heyyyy, Janna Banana,” Star said slowly, eyebrows raised as the dark-haired girl walked past her and then dropped her bag on the floor.
“We were, uh, actually just about to go see you,” Marco added.
“Hey,” Janna replied noncommittally. “Could I crash here for a while?” She looked around at the interior of the half-castle, half-penthouse and added, “Seems like you’ve got a lot of space.”
“Wow, uh, sure!” Star exclaimed. Then, taking Janna’s bag with one hand and throwing her other arm around the girl’s shoulders, Star said, “Welcome home, roomie!”
“You’re going to love it here,” Jackie added. “We’ve got our own chef, and a butler, and-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Marco said. “Just, just a second, here. Janna, why do you want to stay with us?”
Janna shrugged. “Change of scene, I guess. I’m bored with my house. You’ve seen one downstairs half bath, you’ve seen ‘em all.”
“‘Change of scene?’” Marco replied. Then, mindful of what had just happened with the Thomases, he asked, “Are your mom and dad okay with this?”
Janna seemed to be avoiding eye contact with everyone as she said, “Sure, they’re fine with it.”
Marco crossed his arms. “I’m not buying it, Janna.”
“Yeah, okay,” Star agreed reluctantly. “Even I have to call Jannanigans on this one.”
“Do your parents even know you’re here?” Marco pressed.
Janna’s tone changed from nonchalant to sullen. “They don’t know anything. They’re always too busy arguing, or else trying really hard to ignore each other.”
“Why?” Star asked.
“Because they’re getting divorced, okay?!” Janna burst out.
Everyone was silent for a moment.
“Aw, Janna, I’m, I’m sorry,” Marco said. “That…must be really tough.”
“It sucks,” Janna said, her eyes dropping to the floor. “And I just…I don’t wanna be there, right now.”
“You can stay here as long as you want,” Star said.
“Totally,” Jackie agreed.
Star’s eyes lit up. “In fact-”
“Not now, Star,” Marco cut in.
“No,” Janna said. “Whatever it is, I wanna hear it. I could use the distraction.”
Marco looked at her, and his brow furrowed. Janna seemed to be perking up, in the same oddly sudden way that Jackie had perked up after her crying spell the previous day. Was Star having this effect on her somehow? Or was it him?
“Jackie,” Star said, “you want to take this?”
“We’re all getting married and having Marco’s babies to save the world,” Jackie explained.
Marco looked at her with raised eyebrows. He hadn’t thought Jackie would be quite so blunt.
“Wait, so you guys aren’t just roommates?” Janna asked. Looking around at the three of them, she said, “Are you, like, poly now?”
“Who’s Polly?” Star replied.
“The point is,” Jackie said, “Marco is the new King of Earni, or Mewth, or whatever, and he needs nine queens to help him save the world. So, you wanna be one?”
Marco winced—he hadn’t expected Jackie to just blurt all that out. Although he supposed that if Jackie hadn’t, Star would have, being an inveterate blurter.
“It’ll be so great,” Star added eagerly. “You can live with us, sleep in our bed, have mind-blowing sex with Marco on the regular, pop out a baby or two or five…happily-ever-after–type stuff.”
Janna looked from Marco to Star to Jackie as she asked, “So we’d be like a…a big, super-weird family?”
“Exactly,” Star replied.
For a moment, Janna’s face was utterly blank. Then it broke into an excited grin.
“I’m in!”
“Seriously?” Marco exclaimed, not even sure in which sense he meant it. “I mean, if you’re just trying to avoid going home, this is…a lot to take on.”
“Are you saying you don’t want me as one of your wives?” Janna replied severely. Then, her face a mask of tragedy, she added, “Are you…rejecting me?”
Suddenly panicking, Marco replied, “No, no, I didn’t mean that at all, I just-”
“Dude,” Janna said, mussing Marco’s hair, “I’m just messing with you.” She looked down. “I am glad to be out of the house. But…” she looked up at Marco “…I also really want to do this.”

“Hooray!” Star shouted.
“All right!” Jackie cheered. Smiling at Janna, she went on, “Now, are you ready for the fun part?”
“She means sex with Marco,” Star clarified, grinning.
“Oh, heck yeah,” Janna replied, glad to be past the heavy stuff for the moment. “Which way’s the bedroom?”
Star pointed. Then Janna turned to Marco, her eyes suddenly full of undisguised, unabashed lust. Marco blinked in surprise.
“Take me to bed, Marco,” she half-growled. “And then, just take me.”
Janna grabbed Marco’s wrist and practically dragged him to the master bedroom. By the time they got there, Marco had gotten past the surprise of Janna accepting the offer and was now realizing just how much he did, in fact, want to have sex with her. Polo seemed to be in favor of this idea, too, standing up inside Marco’s jeans to express his approval. Star and Jackie followed Marco and Janna into the bedroom.
“Hey, look,” Jackie said, pointing at the mirror above the dresser next to Marco’s. The formerly empty circle above the mirror now held a symbol: a seashell that looked just like the one on Jackie’s necklace.
“I guess that dresser’s yours now,” Star said. Then she cried “We’re officially roomies! Hugs!” and seized Jackie in a huge embrace.
Marco, surrendering to both the inevitable and his own libido, began making out furiously with Janna. As they kissed, Janna backed up to the edge of the huge bed and then fell backward onto it, pulling Marco down on top of her.
“Please, Marco,” she gasped in his ear, “take off your clothes. I need some serious deflowering.”
“Oh, Janna,” Marco breathed. “I…I…wow.”
Jackie turned to Star. “Wanna make out while they do it?”
“More than make out,” Star replied eagerly.
She pulled Jackie close, lips to lips and breasts to breasts. Soon their hands were roaming all over each other’s bodies as their lips and then tongues made love to each other.
“Hey,” Jackie murmured in Star’s ear as she caressed the girl’s breast. “Is it me, or are you filling out a little more?”
Star glanced down at their chests, then grinned at Jackie. “I think we both are. Oooooh, maybe this means we’re already pregnant. We could both be carrying Marco’s babies right now.”
“God…that’s so…hot,” Jackie breathed.
Janna, meanwhile, was trying to simultaneously wrestle off her jacket and grind her crotch against Marco’s as she lay beneath him. Marco pulled off his red hoodie and then rolled Janna on top of him so that she could do both tasks more easily. Even through their clothing, Marco could feel the heat from her crotch against his.
The second her jacket was off, Janna grabbed the hem of her olive-drab tank top and pulled that up and off, too. Marco was very pleasantly surprised to see that she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath. She had no breasts to speak of, but her erect brown nipples were large, suggesting future growth. And they looked inviting as heck. So he rolled her beneath him again and began sucking one of her nipples vigorously while his fingers pinched and rolled the other.
“Oh, fuck,” Janna moaned. “Get my panties off, Marco. I need to spread my legs.”
Marco reached under Janna’s skirt and yanked her pink panties down to her ankles. Janna kicked them away like they were on fire, then looked hungrily at Marco.
“Whip it out,” she panted. “I wanna see what you’re gonna put in me.”
Marco quickly got up on his knees, undid his pants, and shoved them and his boxers down. Polo was already hard as hell and sprang free, heavy and throbbing with Marco’s lust. Janna stared at it eagerly.
“Oh yes,” she gasped. “Oh fuck yes. Put it in me!”
She opened her slim, tan legs, keeping her feet on the bed but bending her knees up so that her pussy was aimed right at Polo. It was a dark pink, with just a few black hairs above it, and it was as wet as a pussy could possibly be without being underwater.
“Oh, God, I’ve gotta get inside you,” Marco breathed.
“Do it!” Janna shouted, spreading her legs wider.
Marco practically threw himself on top of her. Then, his lust as urgent as Janna’s, he thrust his cock inside her.
“Ah!” Janna cried. Then Marco started pumping her good and hard.
“I’m sorry,” he panted in her ear. “I can’t…take it…slow…”
“The hell with slow,” Janna gasped, bucking her hips against his. “Just fuck me.”
As Marco and Janna fucked and pumped and pounded each other, Star and Jackie found their enthusiasm inspiring. The two blonde girls stopped kissing and practically tore each other’s clothes off; then Star began avidly sucking one of Jackie’s breasts while Jackie thrust two fingers into Star’s wet pussy and fucked it vigorously.
“This is so good,” Janna whimpered, bucking wildly beneath Marco. “Oh, God, it’s so good!”
“Janna…” Marco grunted, “I’m gonna…cum…inside you…”
Janna raised her legs high in the air and shouted, “Do it! Knock me right the fuck up!”
“GYYAAAAHHHHHH!” Marco cried, clutching Janna to him as he came inside her. Janna let out a wild shriek and seized Marco’s body with her arms and legs, squeezing him tight, forcing his cock as far inside her as it could go until she had taken all his seed and they both were gasping for breath.
“Oh God…” Janna panted. “That was…fucking…amazing…”
“Oh yeah,” Marco gasped in agreement.
“Kinda quick, though,” Star said breathily, looking across Jackie’s naked torso at them. Star was now finger-fucking Jackie’s little blonde pussy as the moaning girl rubbed Star’s clit.
Looking over at Star, Marco said, “Yeah, I guess it was. Except…”
He turned his gaze back to Janna, looking in her eyes as he finished, “…I don’t think we’re done.”
“Hell no, we’re not done,” Janna agreed.
Marco was still hard inside her. Now, he began moving within her, this time slowly and deliberately. Janna lifted her legs again, this time putting her ankles on Marco’s shoulders.
“I want you as deep in me as you can go,” she murmured.
“Right now,” Marco breathed, “that’s the only place I want to be.”
On the other half of the bed, Star and Jackie were kissing as energetically as before. Star was lying on top of Jackie, and their legs were positioned such that each girl could grind her pussy against the other’s thigh. The grinding was getting harder by the second.
“Jackie,” Star murmured in between nibbles of Jackie’s ear, “this is…so nice…”
“So nice,” Jackie breathed, grabbing one of Star’s breasts and squeezing it passionately. “I think I’m starting…to get close…”
Star couldn’t think of anything she wanted more in that moment than to make Jackie cry out in ecstasy. So Star shifted her position slightly and increased the vigor of her movements to ensure that her slim thigh was grinding against Jackie’s pussy good and hard.
“Ah! Star!” Jackie shouted.
“Cum for me, Jackie,” Star panted into Jackie’s ear. Then, grabbing one of Jackie’s breasts in her hand and squeezing it firmly, Star shouted, “Cum for me!”
“YeeeeAAAAAH!” Jackie cried, her body bucking beneath Star’s. The added stimulation of Star’s clit made the former princess cry out in ecstasy, too, cumming as hard as her Earth-born lover.
Marco and Janna, meanwhile, were fucking at a steady pace. Upon hearing Jackie and Star’s screams of pleasure, Janna put both hands on Marco’s face.
“Wait a sec,” she said. “I wanna change positions.”
“Okay,” Marco replied, horny enough that he would have agreed to just about anything.
He let Janna up, and she rolled over and got up on all fours in front of him.
“I don’t know why,” she said, “but I really want you to do me this way.”
Marco, looking at Janna’s smooth, tan-skinned ass, replied, “I don’t know either, but I’m good with it.”
He moved up behind her, put his cockhead at her wet entrance, and pushed back in. Janna moaned and then immediately started moving forward and back, helping him fuck her.
Marco put his hands on her hips to give himself more leverage. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a thought came to him: that Janna would like it better if he held her by her ass instead. So he grabbed it with both hands and spread it open a little so he could fuck her just a little deeper.
“Oooooh, Marco…” Janna moaned. “That’s really good…”
In the part of Marco’s mind that was still capable of rational thought, he realized that something was different here. When he’d had sex with Star, he’d only had one orgasm. With Jackie, he’d had two, but he’d needed some recovery time in between. But now, with Janna, he’d gone straight from reaching one powerful climax to working toward the next one without even losing his erection. And it wasn’t because he was more attracted to Janna than he was to Star or Jackie. Was this somehow the result of experience? Or had whatever made Star, Jackie, and Janna so agreeable to all of this also affected Marco in some way?
The questions going through Janna’s mind were very different. Despite her characteristic cynicism, she knew with certainty that everything Jackie had told her about Marco being king and needing nine wives to help him save the world was true. All of that, combined with Janna’s long-standing crush on Marco and her newly acquired wish to have a lifetime of mind-blowing sex with him, made it clear to Janna that she was exactly where she both wanted and needed to be.
No, the question in Janna’s mind was much more immediate. Here she was, getting pumped from behind and loving it, but at the same time there was something else she wanted Marco to do. Something she couldn’t put her finger on and therefore couldn’t ask for. What the hell was it?
But somehow, Marco now realized why Janna had wanted it from behind, whether she knew it or not. He moved his thumb down to her pussy and coated it liberally with the combination of Janna’s natural lube and his own cum that he found there. Then, slowly but forcefully, he pushed his thumb into her asshole.
“Aaaaah!” Janna cried, and Marco knew instantly that it was a cry of extreme pleasure and not pain. He could feel her arousal suddenly shift from third gear into sixth, and that made Marco hornier, too.
So he fucked Janna hard and fast, pushing his thumb in and out of her asshole at the same rate that he was pumping her pussy. Janna fucked her ass against him like mad, and then she was screaming in ecstasy and Marco was firing another load of seed deep inside her as he shoved his thumb up her ass to the hilt.
Star and Jackie lay in each other’s arms and watched this action with interest until Marco and Janna’s orgasms were finished.
“Soooo,” Jackie asked, “it’s only ten a.m. What are we doing with the rest of our day?”
“Well,” Star replied, “we were going to spend it finding Marco’s third bride. But since she just showed up on her own-” she reached out and touched Janna’s shoulder affectionately, “-that puts us ahead of schedule.” She grinned wickedly at Marco as she finished, “So I say we spend the rest of the morning having more crazy naked sex and then re-evaluate at lunchtime. Any objections?”
“Nope!” Janna replied.
“None whatsoever,” said Jackie.
“I guess not,” Marco said, his cock already beginning to rise again.
***
Later that day, Janna was sitting with Tom at the local smoothie shop, as they had made plans a couple of days ago to hang out. Tom was glad to have someone to talk to about all the recent changes in his life, and even though Janna wasn’t always the greatest listener, she was a bit better at it with Tom than with other people. Tom figured that was because she liked hearing about the Underworld, the various uses demons had for unicorn blood, and so forth.
“Yeah, getting along without my powers is taking some getting used to,” Tom was saying. “At least I can still travel to the Underworld, since it’s literally just under the ground and not in another dimension or anything. Although I think the winged elevator demons are gonna go on strike pretty soon if they don’t start getting more breaks.”
“Shouldn’t have let ‘em unionize,” Janna replied, then blew bubbles into her Razzle-Dazzleberry smoothie through her straw.
Tom felt that maybe this was his opportunity to ask Janna a question he’d been meaning to ask her for a while now.
“So…I was wondering,” Tom said, “would you, uh, want to go out with me some time? Like, you know…on a date?”
“Yeah, that’d be great,” Janna replied.
Tom’s heart leaped like a dolphin.
“…except I’m engaged to Marco now.”
Tom’s heart crashed like a dolphin body-slammed by a breaching blue whale. Then both dolphin and whale were sucked down into the maelstrom of Tom’s confusion.
“Um, engaged?” he said. “As in, to be married? To Marco?” He wasn’t sure which part was more unbelievable.
“Yeah, we’re doing this whole group-marriage thing to save Earni, or Mewth, or whatevs,” Janna said, casually adjusting her hat. “Oh, and because sex with Marco is awesome. He’s probably already knocked me up.”
Never had Tom so badly wanted more information and less at the same time.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Janna said, “I’ve gotta go. I’ve got dinner with the new fam in an hour, and our cook is awesome.”
“New…fam?” Tom asked, a bit afraid to know.
“Me, Marco, Star, Jackie…that’s it for now, but there’ll be more fiancées soon. We’re gonna talk about who’s next over the burgers. See ya!”
As Janna walked away, Tom stood there in befuddlement. In his mind, he replayed everything Janna had just said, to make sure he’d heard right. Wondering whether he might be dreaming, he held up his hands and tried to make his fingertips light up with tiny flames like a candelabra, but it didn’t work. Apparently, this was real.
So Janna, Star, and Jackie were all…engaged? To Marco? Sharing a guy didn’t seem like something Star or Janna would do. He knew Jackie less well, but he vaguely recalled that she was Marco’s ex and that she was dating a girl, which made the idea of her getting engaged to Marco seem even more far-fetched.
Something weird was going on. Did Marco have them under some kind of spell? No, spells weren’t a thing anymore. And mind-controlling people didn’t seem like how Marco rolled, anyway. Maybe some third party was responsible, and Marco was a victim, too, willing or unwilling.
This was going to take some looking into.
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Smooshed, or, The Nine Wives of Marco Diaz