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Borealis: A Zutara Story	By : jaded_priceless Category: Avatar - The Last Airbender > AU/AR - Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality Views: 34026 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, any historical figures or events, or easily recognizable persons, places or things. I make no profit from this work of fanfiction

Chapter List
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Chapter 166
Zuko heated the water without being asked and then stepped out of the room instead of standing on the other side of the privacy screen. He’d beaten Katara. There was a cut on her bottom lip; both it and the upper were swollen. Her apple of her left cheek was swollen purple. Her beautiful blue eyes were also ringed with purple. He’d done that to her. He knew it was to save her life and it was better it was him than someone else but he’d hurt her. Zuko lifted his hands and looked at his busted knuckles. They were swollen and scabbed from hitting her.
He ran his hands over his face and up into his hair in frustration. She was hurting and he couldn’t let her completely heal herself otherwise everyone would learn what she could do. He had no doubts his father would take her away and try to break her just to see how much she could take before she was no longer able to repair herself. And Chu-hua…
He had seen Chu-hua smiling at them through the window. Admiral Blood. The woman Azula had often asked to take her away from Ursa and be her new mother. He had forgetton that he was indebted to her. After his premature birth his mother legitimately feared that Ozai would make good on his threat to kill the child who almost killed her so she had him listed in the family registers as a member of her clan. Not the one she shared with Roku but that of her mother’s and Chu-Hua’s; they had been sisters who married Avatar Roku’s sons. His maternal clan, the Kumanishi, remained in good standing with the Fire Lord. He had forgotten that Azula’s cruelty did not only come from their paternal line. Every woman born to his mother’s clan was trained as an assassin. Chu-hua was his Grandfather’s personal enforcer as was her mother and grandmother before her. Only the clan head could sanction the death of one of its members. While they were on foreign soil, as heiress Chu-hua held the same power.

During their earlier conversation his cousin had also reminded him of Iroh’s back up for his future. Just as his uncle had planned to one day be usurped by his brother Iroh had also planned for Ozai to disown his son. The drawings and diagrams Zuko thought were puzzles as a child and the strange questions Iroh had often asked him were tests for military entrance and ranking. His three year banishment had coincided with his alter-ego’s three years of active sea duty. He was listed in the rosters among Zhao’s men during his ill fated trip to the North Pole and as one of the veterans Chu-hua had brought home.
He was not a fugitive at the time and Uncle’s role in the battle against Zhao was unknown. Chu-hua had seen their raft drifting and allowed him passage on her ship. She set them adrift once more close to the island her clan called home. His grandmother and Chu-hua’s mother had personally made sure he did not set foot in Fire Nation waters as their private vessel carried he and Iroh closer to the Earth Kingdom. They gave them enough money to survive until they could access their funds. His grandmother had revealed a little birdie told her today would be a good day to go fishing.
His obligation to Chu-hua did not end there. The Ursa was a large ship. His alter ego was one member of 50 she’d been allowed to personally select for its crew. A successful assignment on the Fire Lord’s personal vessel guaranteed an advance in ranking and those selected for this tour would most likely be promoted two levels – one for leaving the nation and another for guarding the Avatar. But being a sailor under her command came with its own dangers. Part of Iroh’s military code had stated that royalty had no place in military rankings. The highest prince was subject to his superior’s orders on most things.
It was Chu-hua’s whim to not levy the charge of treason against him for allowing Katara to warn the Water Tribesmen and for pretending to punish her by giving her what only an untrained novice would consider a beating. No one would miss Captain Zukomaru of the Kumanishi Clan if she changed her mind about executing him. His father and Azula would not miss him. He wouldn’t put it past his father to create a ranking above admiral to reward her for getting rid of him. Now that his mother was dead only three people knew Zukomaru existed.
Chu-hua had made it very clear that it was only because she loved Ursa like a younger sister that she had not field marshaled him. If it were to happen again the next time she would not be so sentimental and his pretty little Waterbender would not be so lucky.
“Prince Zuko.”
Zuko lifted his head and saw the same girl who had led them to the room had called his name. “Yes.”
“We only serve limited meals out of respect for the local restaurant owner. There are a few riceballs in the kitchen as well as fried tofu and miso soup. This scroll lists their full menu. As a special service they are willing to cook what you like and bring it to you. If you should need something my name is Ami. My father, Hiro, owns this inn. It is our pleasure to serve you.”
Zuko selected steamed rice, stew with miso, vegetables and cow-pig and clear broth from the menu. He hadn’t been able to keep anything down since he’d hit Katara and he knew those were all things that she liked. As an afterthought he ordered dessert. His uncle had always told him flowers, candies, and jewelry were among the first things gifts you gave did to apologize to a woman. There was one other thing to be done in response to a colossal screw up but this week wasn’t the right time for that particular gesture.
He was still lost in his thoughts when the food arrived. He asked the boy who brought it to wait in the hallway as he peeped around the door to gauge Katara’s state of dress. She had put on her clothes but was kneeling on the floor staring at a small basin that held her dirty wraps. She raised her head and stared at him blankly.
It was the same way she’d looked at him the previous night.
His uncle had told him about how the mind had strange ways of dealing with trauma. Sometimes it pushed everything to the back burner until they were placed in a similar situation that forced them to remember then it froze up. His uncle had forced him to kneel as he threw fire at him so the experience of the Agni Kai with his father wouldn’t completely handicap him and become an easily exploitable weakness.
Zuko placed his hand over Katara’s eyes and pushed the basin away with his foot.“Katara. Katara you don’t have to do that. There’s a laundry room here just like on the ship. You don’t have to do that.”
"You don’t have to...” Zuko’s voice trailed off as he looked in the water and at what was on her wraps remembering what she had told him. He couldn’t imagine being forced to relive the moment he’d learned Katara had been pregnant with his child and he’d killed it. He wondered if every time she washed her wraps she would see their child, possibly the only one she’d ever carry. Her next words confirmed his suspicions.
“Am I a bad person for forgetting so easily? Does it make me a bad person that this is the only way I remember what I lost that night? Even as I do this I can’t help but feel relief to know I’m not pregnant. Am I terrible for being happy that I’m not carrying the child of my rapist even though it was my little one too? Am I a monster for thinking that even if I can never have the children I dreamed of I’m fine with it so long as it means that I can’t bear one for you? Even thought the world sees me as a Fire Nation whore who betrayed them and the Avatar I’m happy that I’ll never be known as the mother of your bastard? You won’t get to do that to me Zuko. You won’t get the chance to use my own child against me and make me fight your war.”
Zuko kneeled beside her and took her hands in his, “I would never do that Katara. You know that. I only said that because we were in front of my father. I would love any child you gave me. I would not use it for any reason. I would treasure it. Even if it wasn’t smart or bent water instead of fire or couldn’t bend at all or was clumsy I would treasure it. I wouldn’t treat it like I was treated. I would love it Katara. I would love it because it was my child and you are its mother.”
“I wouldn’t do like my father did and hate my child while professing to love its mother. He would give me these impossible tasks then laugh at my failure knowing how much it upset Mom then he would make these grand gestures of apology to her. She made excuses for his behavior. She said he was so hard on me because he knew I was capable of greatness. I think even then a part of me knew better.” He rocked backward so that he was sitting on the floor and let go of her hands to place both arms around her.
“I wouldn’t do that to you or our child Katara. It doesn’t make you a monster for not wanting to have the child of someone like that. You’re not a bad person for being happy you’re not pregnant. It’s not terrible that you don’t want to bear a child for a man when you don’t know how he will treat it. It’s good to not want to bring a child into the world if you don’t know the type of life you can give it; if you don’t know what type of world it will live in. It’s not terrible Katara. It’s not terrible at all. It’s something a good mother would do,” Zuko said weakly pulling her into his lap. “I’m sorry I took that chance away from you.”
“I’m not,” Katara said shaking her head as the tears rolled down her face. “If I had known…it you hadn’t hurt me that night…if enough time passed for the pregnancy to become known I don’t know if I could have… You made killing it so easy. If you hadn’t…I don’t know if I…if I could have…”
Zuko inhaled sharply. He had thought nothing would hurt as badly as when Bingwen had shown proof of what he had done but to hear Katara say those words felt like a flaming sword to the heart. He made it easy. He made killing his child easy.
She was right. It was easy. It was easy to lose his temper and do that to her. It felt good emptying himself inside her over and over as she lay beneath him whimpering, begging, and apologizing. It felt good that someone with her power was finally acknowledging that he was stronger. Zuko tightened his grip around her waist and rasped, “I am a monster.”
Katara nodded, “Every time I forget you do something to remind me of what you are…”
A knock on the door and the call of “dinner delivery” muffled her next words. The delivery person knocked three more times before they started hearing, “It’s Ami, the hotel hostess, the restaurant has brought your meal” before they heard something being set down outside the door. In spite of what they had just said Katara made no effort to pull away from him just as she made no effort to let go of her.

CultofStawberry: Thank you for the review , the kind words and constructive criticism. It’s getting to one of the turning points and I hope you continue to stick with me and the ugliness in this story.
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Borealis: A Zutara Story