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Borealis: A Zutara Story	By : jaded_priceless Category: Avatar - The Last Airbender > AU/AR - Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality Views: 34026 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, any historical figures or events, or easily recognizable persons, places or things. I make no profit from this work of fanfiction

Chapter List
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Chapter 145

Katara could see Zuko was visibly disturbed when he stepped back into the room. She didn’t say anything out of fear she would further upset him but she wasn’t able to hold back her tears.
Zuko’s shoulders slumped, after fighting with Mai he didn’t have the strength to ignore Katara’s crying. He plopped down on the edge of the bed and leaned forward with his head in his hands, “Why did you come back Katara. You were free. I would have still looked out for your brother and the Avatar.”
“But why?” she sobbed even though she was happy he was talking to her again.
“Because I’m a pathetic worm unworthy of being Prince of the Fire Nation. I’m spineless and weak. My father was right, he should have killed me a long time ago and removed my blight from the family.”
Katara was shocked, “Zuko why would you say that about yourself?”
“It’s true. Everyone knows I’m defective. I just didn’t want to believe it. I’m a useless coward that’s too afraid to end it.”
Katara strained against her bonds to push herself forward to brush against his back.
“Don’t touch me Katara, I’m disgusting, I don’t want you throwing up in the bed,” he said getting up and going across the room to curl up on the tiny loveseat.
“Zuko wait, come back untie me,”
Zuko put on the mask and freed Katara from her bonds.
“Zuko why are you wearing that mask?” she asked kneeling beside him.
“So you won’t get ill looking at me. I know I’m hideous; I’ve avoided mirrors and reflexive surfaces for the past three years. Get lost when we get to the next port. As long as you’re onboard this ship you’ll be forced to have sex. I thought I was a better alternative than becoming the crew’s plaything. I knew it was rape and I’m no better than an animal, but I didn’t know you saw it as actual bestiality. It makes sense, when we were in Ba Sing Se my own fiancée called me a rutting hog monkey because I got so excited I ejaculated when we kissed for the first time after our separation.
"My mother used to chain my wrist to the bed to keep me from playing with myself. She said only lesser creatures were unable to resist the urge to touch their genitals. I was beaten almost every day when I went through puberty for losing control and dirtying my underpants and pajamas. That was on top of once a week for messing up my bed sheets.”
“Zuko,” Katara said reaching for him. In the Water Tribe they were taught self-exploration was a natural part of growing up and not to be ashamed of it. The only guidelines they were given were wash your hands before and afterwards and make sure to go somewhere private.
She remembered how Sokka was when he began puberty. She learned to announce herself before entering any room in the house or his watchtower so she wouldn’t see him doing that. It was rarer to see him without his hand down his pants. Her father was still around to explain things to Sokka and she guessed he delayed going off to war until he managed to gain control of himself.
Gran-Gran had told her Sokka’s rough transition to adulthood was nothing to make fun of. She’d get it in a few years only it wouldn’t be visible when her hormones wrecked havoc with her body. She learned her lesson for teasing him. Her occasional yen to explore turned into an all consuming need to touch herself. It got so bad the summer before they found Aang Gran-Gran hung additional furs in the tent so she and Sokka both would have a place to go for their private moments. Things had calmed down since then but the week before her cycle sometimes drove her into madness. She could tell it was close to that time because she actually enjoyed Zuko touching her. She couldn’t imagine being chained and beaten for a natural process.
Zuko was ten when his mother died but she’d been the one to call him a lesser being and chain him to the bed. That was most likely why he wet it until he was nine. He was chained and couldn’t get up. He had said he was beaten every day he messed up his underwear or pajamas and once a week for messing up his sheets. She slept beside him and knew he still had wet dreams. Katara frowned as she realized Zuko went through most of puberty during his banishment. Iroh had been the one to do that. Sweet kind Iroh had beaten Zuko for growing up.
“Oh Zuko, What did they do to you?” Katara whispered hugging him.
“Don’t touch me Katara. After all I’ve done, I’m not worth your pity. Just stay away as if I were any other rabid animal. I’m nothing but a piece of shit, raping, murderer that corrupts everything I touch. I don’t deserve to live. ”
Katara pulled the mask off his head and maneuvered beneath him on the loveseat so as much of him as possible was in her lap, “I’m sorry. I am so sorry I made you feel that way Zuko. You aren’t useless. You aren’t worthless. You aren’t a monster. You aren’t a coward. You aren’t hideous. You aren’t weak. You aren’t pathetic or any of those things I or anyone else called you. You are kind. You are sensitive. You are strong. You are brave. You are self-sacrificing. You are like an uncut diamond. Your head is so hard and you have been tested in so many ways and have proven your strength that I forgot that you are incredibly precious and fragile.
“I took it for granted that you would always be there so I abused you. I missed you Zuko. I missed talking to you. I missed seeing you. I missed sleeping next to you. You are so very warm. Even though you’ve done such horrible things to me I feel protected when I’m near you.” Her tears fell on his face as she rocked him.
“Don’t lie to me Katara. I know you’re just saying that to make yourself feel good. You were the one person I could count on to be honest with me,” he mumbled. He was crying. When she took the mask off it was soaked. So was the pillow he was lying on before he put it on.
“I’m not lying Zuko,” she said pulling him closer. “I was angry that day. I was emotional because of my cycle and because I was anxious about what Bingwen would say regarding my ability to have children. I was upset about my arguments with Sokka. When that old man said I demon was hunting me, it bothered me. I wasn’t afraid for the reason you think. I know who the demon is and why he is hunting me. I can count the number of times Sokka and I have been separated on one hand. If he hates me and see me as a traitorous whore, then the rest of my family would only see me as worse.
“When you killed that woman in front of me it reminded me of how Haru, Tyro and my mother were murdered. I took all that out you and I shouldn’t have. It was wrong. I was hurting so I wanted you to hurt too. I grew up around warriors and swordsmen. I knew I couldn’t have blocked that strike and depending on where it hit, I probably wouldn’t have been able to heal myself.”
“I knew I owed you my life and it upset me. You’ve already taken so much from me and I didn’t want to owe you another life debt. I am already giving you my body to protect Aang and Sokka. I didn’t want to owe you the life of my child even if I have one you will most likely end up being the father,” Katara said with a sad smile as she wiped his tears away.
“Zuko you are kind, and trusting. You’ve been through so many horrible things but you still have that childish innocence that makes you want to believe what people tell you. You are not a monster or an animal. If you were you wouldn’t be so hurt I said those things to you. I’m so deeply sorry, Zuko, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you that badly.
“I’m used to fighting with Sokka. As you have seen, we don’t hold back in an argument. Nothing is sacred. I shouldn’t have used those same tactics with you. People have been chipping away at you all your life and I knew that. I’m sorry I did what they did to you,” she said leaning down and kissing him gently on the forehead, both cheeks, chin and nose.
“I have never thought you were ugly or hideous. I’ve always thought you were handsome. The scar makes you look exciting and manly,” she confided.
“Katara don’t…please don’t say that,” Zuko said sobbing and burying his head in her shoulder. “Don’t lie to me about that.”
Katara angled her head so her lips could find his and kissed him slowly and deeply, “I’m not lying Zuko. I’ve always found you handsome. I’ve had a crush on you since you invaded my village. I know it is stupid, but for some reason I can’t get rid of it. Even after all you’ve done a part of it still lingers. I guess it’s because you aren’t all bad. One minute you are so terrible and the next you’re like this.”
She brushed her lips against his again pushed her tongue into his mouth until the need for oxygen drove them apart, “You’re a good kisser Zuko. I don’t mind kissing you, I actually enjoy it, but it frightens me. Kissing never seems to be enough for you. I know the more we kiss the more you’ll want to do.”
“Don’t lie to me Katara. Mai hates kissing and touching me.”
“I’m not Mai. I don’t mind kissing or touching you. I actually like how you kiss me. It’s like you’re on fire and I’m the only person that can extinguish it. I like seeing your face and hearing you call my name when you’re coming. It makes me feel like I do have some power over you. I don’t like being forced or coerced into doing something I should only do with my husband. I don’t like it when you rape me.”
“Don’t lie to me Katara. You’ve filled your good deed quotient of the day. You don’t have to lie to the deformed monster anymore,” Zuko said quietly pushing away from her and walking to the bathroom.
She followed him. She stepped out when she realized he wasn’t just trying to run away from her. She heard the flush but he didn’t come out, instead the shower started. She waited a few minutes until she felt it was safe to go in after him.
“Leave Katara. I don’t want you to see me. You don’t want you to see me. Leave,” Zuko begged quietly.
Katara stepped into the shower with him. There were abrasions all over his skin. “Zuko what happened?”
“Get away from me. Otherwise the blood will get on you,” he shrank back while scrubbing himself.
Katara grabbed his hand. He wasn’t bathing with a towel or sponge. He was using a brush made for cleaning. She snatched the brush away and threw it across the room. He’d killed a woman to protect her. He’d never killed anyone before. He took a life to protect her and she called him inhuman. She’d felt the same guilt after her first hunt. She knew that she was providing food for her family and the tiger seal’s life was not taken frivolously but hearing its death cries and seeing eyes glaze over was horrible. She had never had a problem skinning an animal but it felt like that one’s blood would never come off of her.
Katara threw her arms around his torso and squeezed him, “I’m going to wash away the blood Zuko. I’m going to wash it all off and you will never see it again. You saved me. You did a good thing.”
The water glowed blue as she washed and healed him, “Thank you for saving me. You are so strong and brave. You protected me like you promised you would. Thank you Zuko.”
“Now it’s my turn to protect you. I’m going to rid of the blood Zuko. Kneel down so I can wash your hair. I’m going to get rid of it once and for all,” Katara’s hands were still glowing as she massaged his scalp. It seemed to work with Jet so she hoped it worked for him to.
When he relaxed she told him to stand then grabbed the wash towel and soaped it before carefully washing every inch of him. She rinsed him with Waterbending. “You’re clean now Zuko? Can you feel it?”
He nodded.
“Is the blood gone?”
He nodded again.
She stepped out of the shower. “Stay here. I’m going to get someone to change the bedsheets okay?”
He nodded and leaned against the corner while she bent herself dry. Katara put on a robe then opened the door. The steward jumped like he’d seen a ghost when he realized it was her. “Excuse me Thao, but can you change the sheets in our room please? And will you please ask Fan for two bowls of rice stuff?”
“You…you know my name. You know my name and you said please,” he stammered while staring at her wondrously. It was far more miraculous someone of such high rank knew his identity and was polite than someone everyone thought was dead had reappeared. He snapped out of his stupor, “Yes, Lady Katara. I can do that. I’ll be right back.”
“Thank you. But you don’t have to rush.”
He ran off beaming and returned with the sheets in less than five minutes. He made the bed in record time and then rushed back out of the room. Katara thanked him again and once more when he brought the food. She wasn’t sure if it was his doing or Fan’s but there were also dumplings, Komodo chicken, vegetables, tea, fruit, and a small cake.
After he was left she retrieved Zuko from the shower. He was still huddled in the corner where she’d left him. She helped him stand then dried him off and helped him into a robe. He was as pliant as a newborn puppy and offered no resistance when she led him to the loveseat. He folded his arms and legs in front of him and stared at the food on the table but made no moves to eat.
“Are you hungry?” Katara asked quietly.
He nodded.
“Then why aren’t you eating?”
“I’m dirty. I’ll contaminate it,” he whispered.
“You’re not dirty Zuko,” Katara reassured while lifting a bit of food to his lips. He took a bite then she ate the rest of it. “See not dirty.”
He chewed carefully then swallowed before asking, “I’m not dirty?”
“No you aren’t,” she said lifting a spoonful of rice stuff to his lips then licking the remnants. “See.”
Zuko nodded but still didn’t look convinced. Katara fed him with the same chopstick and spoon she used taking alternating bites until the food was gone. After they finished eating she led Zuko to the bed and propped a pillow in the corner wall. She sat against it and pulled Zuko to her so was mostly lying down with his head on her chest. She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead until he fell asleep.

The entire time when she thought she’d been stolen all she could think was that she was being punished. He’d killed a woman to save her life and she’s returned his action with cruelty. It was taboo among her people to dishonor a life debt. If someone saved your life a portion of you always belonged to them. In the tundra it was rare to save another without great personal risk involved. Sharing a portion of yourself whether it is friendship, marriage, or some other way showed gratitude and appreciation for the person who thought highly enough of you that they were willing to sacrifice themselves on your behalf.
Her mom had died to save her life. Katara knew her mom would have done the same thing for Sokka so she was able to justify trading her body for his wellbeing. It was a way of paying the life debt she owed forward; Sokka thought of her when he thought of their mom so it was only fitting she sacrifice herself on his behalf the way their mom had sacrificed herself for her.
Zuko had forced his way inside of her, planted his seed, and to save her brother she was now lying with him willingly. It was too much to also be bound by a life debt to him so she’d committed one of the highest taboo among her people. She’d cut off his helping hand and stabbed him in the back as he embraced her.
Exposure was the only punishment fitting for a person willing to turn their back on their rescuer and what Zuko had done; the things she thought had happened to her laid her soul bare. To think that she’d been sold, raped by multiple men and abandoned was far worse than being taken into the wilderness, stripped of your shoes and parka then left behind.
But what she’d done was worse. She knew he’d been abused as a child and deliberately attacked his weak points after he’d saved her. Maybe Sokka was right. Maybe somewhere within her soul was the deceitful heart of a betrayer? Maybe this was her punishment for letting her mother die instead of her? Maybe her uncle, grandfather and those other men had been right and she was cursed?
Maybe she was the curse itself?
Every boy who’d ever claimed to care for her had suffered in some way. Taruk had lost both his parents. Jet was killed by Long Feng and Haru was killed by the Fire Nation. Dreadlocks boy lost his mother and sister during the Siege of the North. Aang had been captured and Zuko had a nervous breakdown. Maybe she was a Yuki Onna, a snow demon capable of giving infinite happiness to men so long as they told no one about her and accepted her word without question. The moment they broke those two simple rules she took everything they loved away leaving them with only misery and misfortune. Yuki Onna was also the patron saint of orphans and motherless children. The luck and good fortune she bestowed upon them had been stolen from hapless men.
Katara tsked softly, the first words out of her mouth when she stopped Zuko from burning down the first restaurant was to take the goods to the local orphanage. The female owner was nonchalant but her husband whose family had owned the restaurant for three generations had cried and begged for a chance to give away all of the profits and everything inside if they would spare the building. His wife of five years had lost nothing but he’d lost the building handcrafted by his grandparents; neither of them were Earthbenders. She stood by self-righteously as he wailed over his loss.
That was another of the useless excuses the Northern Water Tribe gave for not allowing women to Waterbend. The cold outdoor training took them away from the warmth of home and hearth leaving their hearts cold and empty.
Katara let her head fall back against the wall then drop forward. She knew that was a lie. If Waterbending really did make a woman’s heart cold and empty she would not feel guilty for what her words had done to this emotionally fragile Firebender. If anything Waterbending had made her heart softer; if she were not able to bend she would not know of all the times Zuko attempted to hide his tears.
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Borealis: A Zutara Story