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Reviews for Team Alphanumeric

By : SSJ04Mewtwo

From ANON - MaxJ1800 on May 23, 2009
Dr. Two-Brains, playing with time machines? Not good. Nice chapter, but Violet came off sounding a bit too manipulative. Remember, Violet is fairly innocent. She thinks what she's doing is justified. It doesn't occur to her to consider the consequences. It would have made more sense for the lust ray to have hit Becky and Tim by accident. With the lust ray set to 11 like that there would have been an all out sex fest. I'd hate to be the one to clean up. Oh and you missed an opportunity to have Carina ask Caelum why mommy and daddy were hugging so much at Tobey's. There are some things even an X weapon can't handle.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 22, 2009
Hee hee, oh this is gonna get good. I can't wait to see how Becky reacts to Violet's little plan.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 19, 2009
Aw, cute moment. Looks like Tim still has ome issues to work out. Again with the nitpicking, but I think you mean extnsions. Oh, I've been having some trouble with my comp. I won't be able to comment much. But, I'm going to keep reading.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 17, 2009
Heh, nice to finally see things getting back to normal. Though Becky was REALLY restraining herself there, I'm surprised she didn't just rip the head warlord's head off. Oh one thing though and this is just me being nit picky again. The Lexiconian gravity wouldn't really effect all of Becky's powers, only the ones that were gravity based, like fight and strength. Here super hearing would have been as strong as it ever was.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 16, 2009
Well, so much for secrecy. But don't worry, even if Tim's not around. Don't forget Huggy's there. And even with the stress and extra gravity Becky is far from a damsel in distress. Why do I get the feeling that sniper is gonna get beaten with their own rifle?
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 15, 2009
Looking good so far. Man, poor Becky, some days it just doesn't pay to be you. One thing though. What's this about Becky's murder? Murder means to purposely kill someone. Did you mean when Becky killed the bomber? Cause that wouldn't really be murder. Becky was defending Carina, so it's justified. Still, I can see where the difference might not matter to Becky. I'm just saying that having a former D.A. for a mom, Becky would know the difference.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 14, 2009
Man, this is gonna be fun. Somehow I doubt the wisdom of letting Caelum drive. I just hope they make it to Lexicon in one piece. Man I'd hate to be that warlord when Becky gets her hands on him. Oh, question, about the whole Zanniah thing. Is Becky ok with being called that, or does it bug her, but she's just trying to ignore it?

Oh and for the record, the reason that the Lust Ray keeps popping up, is because it's freaking hilarious every time it does. Do you want to save Violet and Carina's little Valentine's romp until Team Alpha Numeric gets back, or stick the robot doubles with dealing with it?
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From NarutolHinata on May 13, 2009
I would like to say that this story has me hooked, just so you know how much I enjoy this... I started reading yesterday morning and I am at the last chapter, this so does not deserve to 2-star rating it's been given.

I would like to just congratulate you for making such an amazing story-line, oh I realize that you had help... But, the ability of an author to go and ask for advice from his fanbase is something I wish more authors would do. The story is dark and gritty, bringing the feel of the darker, Iron-age comics to a extremely light-hearted kids show, but what is even more amazing to me is that you keep a tiny little bit of the show's almost Silver-age innocence. I've found few writers and authors that have been able to do this, even so-called 'professional' ones, I salute you.

I do have a few criticisms with the story and I'll list them here, though I don't really know if you've dealt with them before(ie. I'm too lazy to look at all the reviews that you've gotten.) So if you have, please understand that these are

1 - You seem to like to use the Lust ray as a plot device ALOT, while that's not always a bad thing, (As the rays are a really good idea) it does retract a little from your writing skills because it appears that you can't move the story along without bringing in the lust rays. I would advise you to think about other possible plot devices that could have similar affects in getting the story going. I also realize that you seem to use the lust rays less now, which is good. But, don't just let them go away, because in all honestly are villains just going to stop using their best weapons unless the heroes use it against them somehow. (For some reason as I'm writing this I can't help but think about Team A-N taking one of the rays and setting it to 'VILLAIN', *Giggles*)

2 - One of the great things about this fanfic is that it moves fast, never really giving the reader time to think about what in the world could happen next to Team Alphanumeric, but this approach to the story has it's drawbacks. That being that it seems that you put way too much on your heroes, never giving them ANY time to really just be normal (Which to me is a core part of the super-hero universe, the idea of being normal kids/teens/adults/whatever, it is the supposed reason for Secret ID's in the first place) You may want to let the villains and political machinations slow-down for a little while to keep your heroes sane. (Or cause Team A-N to start to lose it) because I don't care if they're decimalian and lexiconian, they are still teenage kids still in high-school dealing with the responsibilities as not only heroes but politicians. So I would ask that you take some time just to let the readers see that you're willing to have the action slow down (And maybe you can incorperate a story into that, maybe the villains are still planning their next move, maybe they've been kidnapped, so many possibilities.)

3 - This is related to what is above but... Your'e first half of this fanfiction is my personal favorite, and it's mainly becuase of the some-what less darkness that you seemed to have in the story, at least in general, but specifically you were not afraid to let Team A-N be kids just trying to figure this screwed up world out. And while growth is an important part of life for characters, especially teen ones, I would warn against over-doing it, and maybe try to reincorperate some of the things in the lighter first-half into later chapters

4 - This is totally my own opinion, but I think that you are letting the obstacles in the series be way too successful, I mean they are constantly attacking and planning, but the heroes never seem to get a decisive victory. While it is a good technique to leave certain things open, it would be nice to actually have closure to a few story-lines in some-way and then bring in new troubles. But this is only my opinion.

5 - This is the section that I go ahead and put all of the various plot's that don't seem to ever really get revisited and/or closed.

5.1 - What happened to MathWiz's dark-side? It appears briefly in the beginning but soon disappears

5.2 - When will Beckies body fully mature? You stated this in the whole Carina being born arc, and even stated that she would mature sooner than expected. Did this happen, am I missing something?

5.3 - Why haven't you dealt with Arabian Bomber's death, I mean Word-girl goes from Hero to Vigillante and you don't really seem to bring that idea up again, why has she gotten over that so easily. If you think about it, other Heroes have gone through EXTREME depression from an accidental death of a villain, and most of those aren't teens! Word-girl did kill a villain in anger after all.

5.4 - I kept picturing Word-girl after the incident with Tobey as feeling as something like a Rape-victim might, the hatred, the shame the absolute helplessness, I really think that you need to deal with all of the emotional stress that this entire series has dumped ontop a 16-year old mother somehow (And I mean much more than a story or to of 'get-better' sex, I mean Word-girl flipping out over all that happens to her, probably going super-crazy angsty in the time, but that's just a suggestion.)

5.5 No one seems to wonder how Carina was born so quickly, from what I read Carina was born in the forth-month of Word-girl's Pregnancy, no one noticed. Also Carina seems to be growing up fairly fast, is this a side-effect of Super-soldier DNA? Or am I just not realizing how much time has passed for Team A-N? If Carina is growing up that fast, wouldn't someone notice.

5.6 Is TJ somewhat over his little angsty stage? Because it seems to stop half-way into the Thanksgiving chapter, he is grumbling, but later is watching Foot-ball with X^2.

I apologise for this extremely long criticism, I want you to know that I do this because I love your work SO MUCH! And I would really like to see some of the problems which I think others may find wrong with the series dealt with, so that it looks like you had the conclusion of those events in your mind the whole time...

I also apologise that some of this criticism's cover events that happened quite some time ago in the story.

I really can't tell you how much this story means to me.

Thank you,
Narunata

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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 12, 2009
Heh, Robo-Carina. Ooh, that's a good one. Sounds like Caelum and Emma have been working on a little spawn of their own. I can not begin to imagine Caelum as a father. Anyway can't wait to see how Team Alphanumeric sets this mess straight. Oh and a brief reminder. The Lexiconian warlords, these are the people who pretty much killed Becky's whole family, right?
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From ANON - Anon on May 11, 2009
Man, when it rains it pours. I guess since Becky's temporarily incapacitated I guess Gladiator is gonna have to call on Tim and the weapons to clean up this mess. Oh and for the record let me say I'm glad you decided not to put more detail in that scene.

Seriously I just hope nothing comes of this. Oh, me going into nit pick mode again. It's Serial Killer. A person who kills repeatedly, like a tv Serial. Cereal is the stuff a certain rabbit keeps trying to get hold off, despite the fact that his picture is on the damn box.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 10, 2009
Ooh, this is getting intense. Can't wait for more.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 08, 2009
Not to mention their space. Having a couple of dozen mechanoids running around pretending to be Wordgirl and Math Whiz is gonna get complicated. Heh, wouldn't be hilarious if the consortium fleet made one last attempt to capture Becky, only come face to face with a whole army of Beckys? That would probably scare them off for good. Hmm, you never mentioned what happened to the Decimalian warlord. For that matter, how does he feel about Becky reworking Lexiconing law like that?
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 07, 2009
Heh, man all four of them, plus Huggy stuck in one relatively small starship? This could get akward before it's done. Heh, wouldn't it be hilarious if Two-Brains robot duplicates actually DID start acting like Wordgirl and Math Whiz. The ring would have a whole pack of super heroes to have to deal with. Two-Brains had better be careful, or he could really find himself with his back to the wall.
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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 06, 2009
Heh, you know I notice that Tim didn't exactly tell Becky about the whole consortium thing. I doubt she's going to be pleased with him, when she finds out. For that matter, they still haven't gotten Violet back. Then again, maybe she didn't want to come back right away. Heh, you never know, Tobey could decide to show her a good time, knowing that it would piss off Becky.

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From ANON - Max Jordan on May 05, 2009
Heh, ooh that was classic. Man, if Becky ever gets her hands on Tobey. You know, I just realized something. Becky was so caught up in getting home, that she completely forgot Violet. ah, well, I'm sure Tobey let her go afterwards. I wonder if the Consortium realizes that they're charging a sixteen year old girl, with a daughter no less. There's probably some rule against that, not that it would matter. Man, I HOPE they don't try to take Carina. The thought of what Becky would do to them, if they did. I don't even want to think about it.
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