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Reviews for Perfect life

By : WritersBlock81
  • From ANON - sakura89 on June 12, 2016
    I love this series!
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  • From skoshi4 on July 18, 2011
    I liked Su's remark about the quality of champagne. Better to mix it with orange juice.
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  • From Horatius314 on December 01, 2010
    Glad to see you broke it into chapters. Makes it easier to read. The new material is good too.
    The only problem is a simple one: Proofread. You've got many grammatical and spelling errors. You tend to use one word for another when they sound similar but have completely different meanings. Fix that, and you're golden.
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  • From Zarrthtion on December 12, 2009
    just great its one f the best KP fic's i've read its nice to see ron use his brain as its needed
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  • From bigherb81 on December 26, 2008
    Not sure if I asked this already, but is this the end of Perfect Life? Just a little curious cause I thought that it would be intersting to see where you took it after Rufus was in the picture.
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  • From mrse7en00 on July 06, 2008
    i wanna know when is Ron going to find out about kim's rumor setup, and how bad is it going to be cuz if its not going to cause at least a like a 30day trail seperation, then that would make the fic bogus cuz no man/woman in his/her right mind would forgive a person that quickly for their own selfish needs.plz let me know
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  • From azurarose on January 02, 2008
    I have to ask.

    Where the hell can I find a guy like Ron?

    This story is so perfectly written I can't think of any way it could possibly be better.
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  • From deruam on December 15, 2007
    So kim and bonnie are still scray to come out about there new relenship from people.
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  • From bigherb81 on December 02, 2007
    Whoa the ending of this chapter made this story take a turn to the creepy kinda worried about Kim a little bit. This starting to remind me of one of those dom animes. Question though is 'Charms' a precursor to this story or stand alone I was kinda curious about that. Great job on the story though can't wait for the next chapter.
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  • From BlazinAtsuma on October 30, 2007
    I love the update it is a great story. I like how it all started as a dateless ROn then he gets Kim and Bonnie then Su and now he has Monique damn he is a lucky one... Please update soon
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  • From deruam on October 27, 2007
    MORE PLEASE!
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  • From kenjiro on October 21, 2007
    Nice very nice. hope you continue this fast i cant wait to see with other girls you bring in this.
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  • From bigherb81 on October 10, 2007
    Glad you got Monique in on the action. Can't wait to see what happens in that 90 min of play time.
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  • From MDR on September 30, 2007
    Hmmmm, interesting premise, but I don't think you are doing it enough justice. You set up an interesting group dynamic, and then forget all about it. For example, one of the first things you mention is that Kim has pretty much destroyed any chances Ron has of finding somebody special, purely out of selfishness. But they have had many conversations since then, she has set him up on a date, and we see nothing more of it other than her reasoning that him going out with Bonnie would only reinforce her selfish ways of keeping people from realizing she is a lesbian. This is such a big betrayal of Ron that it should weigh very, very heavily on her mind. Another thing is that is it suggested that Ron has this dark, cold side now, but we see none of it.

    Also, there is some characterizations that do not make sense. Ron has never been on a date (due to Kim's lies), and yet he was cool and calm on his date with Bonnie. He should have been a nervous wreck. Bonnie falls in love with Ron just because he takes her to some fancy places and owns a porche? That kinda suggests she is either a whore (willing to do anything for money), or she is so shallow that money and flash sway her opinions. Kim hates the idea of cheating, yet she goes on to deliberately seduce Su? Huh?

    I'm only reviewing after reading chapter three, so maybe some of these things have been addressed in future chapters, but I think it fair to say that most of these things should have been touched on by now.

    I would suggest slowing things down. Go back to the first few chapters and add more material. Instead of one date, have Ron and Bonnie go on several. This will allow them time to grow some feelings (people just do not fall in love on the first date, particularly when one is already in a relationship and the other has never been on a date before). It will also make Kim's actions even more cruel, as she is destroying Ron's chances to find love with the girls around campus, and is seemingly setting him up with a girl he could never have. Add parts so that Kim is remorseful of what she is doing to Ron. Have Ron coldly fire the man who would not allow him to enter his own resteraunt, so that we can see the darker side of him that Kim created.

    I have to tell you, as of right now these are my feelings towards the characters in your story. I feel sorry for Ron, but I actually don't see a lot of charatcer development for him. Bonnie is shallow, falling in love with a boy she used to hate just because he has a lot of money and takes her to some expensive places. Kim is a manipulative bitch who cheats on her girlfriend, betrays and hurts her best friend, and is too much of a coward to face her own mistakes.

    But don't think my comments about are writen just to hurt or anything. I would not have mentioned anything if I didn't think this story worthwhile. I just think that you setup various situations, and then forget about them totally. Nothing a bit of revision can't fix.

    You also might want to go back and re-read some of your chapters. I saw a lot of spelling errors. For example, in many places you wrote stait instead of straight. The word brunet should not be capitalized. That sort of thing.

    Good luck on future chapters!
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  • From bigherb81 on August 27, 2007
    Man liked the new chapter I thought you were finished after I read the first time but looks like theres more to tell. Aside from spelling mistakes great job and I'm lookin forward to the next chapter.
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