The Princess Hire-ees

BY : GeorgeGlass
Category: +M through R > Mighty Magiswords
Dragon prints: 1376
Disclaimer: I do not own Mighty Magiswords or its characters. I made no money from writing this story. I completely endorse Vambre Warrior's "No Pants" rule.

The Princess Hire-ees

by George Glass

Summary: Princess Zange hires Vambre and Prohyas to protect her from a powerful wizard and his fire-breathing dragon, but the Warrior siblings become a tad suspicious when they find out that preparing for the battle requires stripping down and oiling up.

- - -


“Hey, Princess,” Prohyas said, standing with his sister before Zange’s throne. “We heard you’ve got a gig for us?”

“Is it a monster?” Vambre asked. “Pirates? Trollblins? Scalawags?”

“What’s a scalawag?” Prohyas asked.

“I’m not entirely sure, but it just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?”

“None of the above, guys,” Princess Zange said. “An evil wizard has invaded the castle, and he’s on his way up here to the throne room right now.”

“Really?” Vambre said excitedly. “And your palace guards cannot stop him?”

“They’re, like, on their union-mandated lunch break,” Zange replied.

“We’re definitely up to the job, Your Highness!” Prohyas declared.

“Awesome!” Zange replied. “Now, the evil wizard can make your own clothes attack you and, like, strangle you and stuff, so you’re gonna want to wear as little as possible.”

“Well, that seems perfectly plausible,” said Vambre.

“And not at all weird or suspicious,” Prohyas added. “Although I’m not sure why I felt the need to say that.”


“We are stripped down for battle!” cried Prohyas, thrusting out his bare chest. He now wore only his boxer-briefs.

“Indeed, we are scantily clad for combat!” shouted Vambre, who was down to her blue bra and undies.

“Kewl,” Princess Zange replied. “Now, the wizard has, like, a red dragon as a pet or something, so you’re gonna need protection from its fire-breath.”

“Hmm,” said Vambre. “Suddenly, wearing only our undergarments seems a wee bit unwise.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Zange insisted. She picked up a bottle and held it out to the Warriors. “I’ve got this special fireproof oil for you guys to put on.”

“Well, that’s handy,” Prohyas said, taking the bottle and pouring some clear oil into his cupped palm before passing the bottle to Vambre.

“And still well within the bounds of plausibility,” Vambre replied, accepting the bottle. “Although I’m uncertain why I thought it necessary to say so.”

Prohyas rubbed the oil all over his muscular chest and stomach. He turned and looked at Zange when he noticed her staring at him.

“Um, Princess?” he said cautiously. “You’ve got a little…drool or something, right here.” He pointed to the corner of his mouth.

“Oh,” Zange replied, grabbing a handkerchief and dabbing her mouth with it. “Uh, thanks.”

“Brother,” Vambre said, handing the bottle of oil back to Prohyas, “would you do my back for me?”

“Sure thing, Vambinator,” Prohyas replied. He poured some oil into his hand and started coating Vambre’s back with it, beginning with her shoulders and working his way down.

“Yeahhh,” Zange mumbled breathily as Prohyas reached Vambre’s lower back. “Allll the way dowwwnnn…”

“What was that, Princess?” Vambre asked.

“Nothing!” Zange replied quickly. “Just, um, make sure you put that oil all over. You don’t want to, you know, get burned on your sensitive parts.”

“Oh, yeah,” Prohyas said. “That makes sense, I guess.”

“Yes, that’s perfectly believable,” Vambre agreed. She slid her hand down into one of her bra cups, oiling up one breast, then did the same with the other.

“Princess?” Prohyas said delicately, pointing at the monarch-to-be’s open mouth. “You’ve got a little more, uh…”

“Oh, yeah, thanks,” Zange replied, wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth again.

Prohyas turned his back to the princess as he reached into his underwear and oiled up his package, then his backside. He heard heavy breathing from the direction of the throne.

“Um, your Highness,” Vambre said diplomatically, “I cannot help but notice the pronounced heaving of your royal bosom. Are you quite well?”

“Oh, yeah, totally,” Zange replied. “Just, um, worried about the evil wizard.” Then, rather more loudly than was necessary, she added, “Who’ll probably be here any second now!”

Suddenly, the doors to the throne room flew open, and there stood a wizard with a pointed hat and a white beard so large and fluffy that it was impossible to see his face. Next to him was a small, serpent-like red dragon with wings.

“Ha-hah!” the wizard cried in an oddly familiar voice. “You have no hope of defeating me, Warriors for Hire. But I will leave your princess and the kingdom of Rhyboflaven in peace if you wrestle each other in the Pit of Conflict!”

“Yeah, I think we’d rather just fight you,” Prohyas said, pulling out a weapon.


“Verily!” Vambre cried, drawing one of her own swords.


“No!” Princess Zange cried. “He’s, like, too powerful and stuff! Just do the wrestling thing!”

The wizard stepped aside, and the dragon used its nose to push a large, brightly colored, bowl-shaped object through the doorway.

“This is the Pit of Conflict!” the wizard shouted. “Enter, both of you, and test your strength and skill against your sibling!”

Vambre turned to Prohyas. “Warrior huddle,” she said firmly, and she and Prohyas huddled up.

“Don’t you think,” Vambre said, “that the Pit of Conflict looks rather like a child’s inflatable wading pool?”

“Yeah,” Prohyas answered. “And it’s all shiny inside, like there’s more of this weird oil in it.”

“I believe this situation has traveled well outside the bounds of plausibility.”

“Plausibility is a land far far away.”

“We must find out what is really going on.”

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Oooh,” said Princess Zange, “that you guys should strip totally naked so the wizard won’t have any power over you? Great idea!”

“How did you get into this huddle?” Prohyas asked.

“I’m the princess. I’m an ex officio member of every huddle.”

“This kingdom has some peculiar laws,” Vambre noted. Then, breaking out of the huddle, she grabbed another weapon out of her magisword pouch.


She pointed the weapon at the evil wizard and fired a blast of hot air at him—blowing his big, poofy beard right off. The wizard clapped a pair of bony hands to his face.

“That’s no evil wizard!” Prohyas shouted. “That’s just Skullivan in a pointy hat!”

“Hey, guys,” Skullivan said guiltily. Then, touching his hat, he said, “How’d this thing stay on?”

Prohyas pulled out a weapon of his own-


-and shot a stream of water at the little red dragon—whose red color washed away where the water hit it.

Vambre shouted, “And that’s Lady Hiss in cardboard wings and red body paint!”

“Yeah, it’th true,” Lady Hiss said contritely. “Sorry, guyth.”

“Wait,” said Prohyas, turning to Zange. “Did you hire these two to pretend to attack you?”

“And if you were going to hire the Cave Weirdos,” Vambre added, “why didn’t you get Prug to be the dragon? He’s an actual dragon!”

“Yeah,” Skullivan replied, “but he’s not a red dragon.”

“And,” Lady Hiss added, “he sayth painting himself like another color dragon would be totally rathist.”

“All right, you guys,” Zange said to the skeleton and snake. “We’re done here. You can pick up your gems from Sir Bob in Payroll.”

Skullivan and Lady Hiss left, the throne room doors closing behind them.

“Zange, dear,” Vambre said, “why in the world would you want us to wrestle each other wearing naught but our underclothing and a layer of hot oil?”

“If you wanna see weird stuff like that,” Prohyas chimed in, “our mom’s got tons of embarrassing pictures from when we were kids.”

“So many…,” Vambre said with a distant look and a shudder. “So embarrassing…”

“Okay,” the princess said, taking a deep breath. “The truth is, I’m, like, seriously horny, but I’m no good at getting myself off. And you guys are the hottest hotties I know, so I figured watching you wrestle in your skivvies would help me get from bore-gasm to orgasm, you know?”

“Zange,” Prohyas said, “if you wanted us to help you get off, you could’ve just asked.”

“But I didn’t want you guys to think I was some kind of perverted freakster.”

“I’m afraid that ship has sailed,” Vambre replied.

“Like, all the way out of the harbor,” Prohyas added.

“It is a mere speck on the horizon,” Vambre elaborated.

“Point is,” Prohyas concluded, “I’ll doodly-do ya if you want. You’re super cute, and honestly, the way you talk turns me on.”

“Like, for reals?” Zange asked eagerly.

“Yeahhhh, that’s the stuff,” Prohyas said, pupils dilating.

Zange looked at Vambre. “But you’re probably not even into girls.”

“Not generally, no,” the Warrior replied. “But you know how every straight person has that one same-sex individual they’d go gay for?”


Vambre pointed at Zange and winked with an audible *bing!*

“Awesome!” the princess cried.

Reaching into her pouch, Vambre said, “I even have a special magisword that Prohyas doesn’t know about.”


“Ooooooh,” Zange said, looking lustily at the big tool. “But, um, what about the whole brother-sister thing?”

“Well,” Prohyas said, reaching into his own pouch, “I happen to have a magisword that Vambre doesn’t know about. Or remember, anyway.” He pulled out a sword in the shape of a big purple question mark.


Before Vambre could say anything, Prohyas zapped her head and then his own with a purple ray from the sword. Both siblings blinked.

“So, Zange,” Prohyas said, “I am totally ready to get it on with you and this attractive stranger who is obviously not related to me. Although I’m not sure why I said that last thing.”

“It’s entirely true, though,” Vambre added. “There is clearly no consanguinity between this virile fellow and myself. We don’t even speak with the same accent. So let us engage in a rollicking threesome!”

“Like, to the royal bedchamber!” Zange shouted gleefully.


“You know what I’m in the mood for?” Prohyas said as he and Vambre nibbled on opposite sides of Zange’s neck. The princess had already removed her yellow gloves, her boots, and her laced purple top; now she was down to her yellow under-corset and black pants.

“A mouthful of princess-boob?” Vambre answered.

“You are creepily right. Are you reading my mind or something?”

“I’m just flipping to the good parts.”

“Speaking of the good parts,” Zange said, “you guys go ahead and do the boob thing whenever you want. I’m totes ready.”

“Oooh, yeah,” Prohyas said eagerly.

He pulled down the top of the princess’s yellow semi-corset, exposing her lightly freckled breasts with their small but very stiff pink nipples. Prohyas began sucking on one, and Vambre joined in on the other breast. Zange began sighing and gasping softly in pleasure.

After a minute or so, the princess moaned, “Ohhhh, guys…this is totally what I needed…soooo tubular…”

There was another audible *bing!*

“Vambre,” Zange asked, “did you just wink at me again?”

“No, that was me,” Prohyas answered. “Private Wangerson just stood to attention.”

“Mmm, time to inspect the troops,” Zange replied naughtily.

Vambre and Prohyas released their mouth-hold on Zange’s nipples so that the princess could scootch down and feel Prohyas’ erection through his underwear. The male Warrior smiled hazily.

Zange grinned. “The private’s just about ready for action.”

Then, slyly, the princess slipped a hand into Vambre’s panties. “Mmm, and here’s a nice, wet foxhole. You guys wanna put on a little show for me? Maybe with some doggystyle?”

“I see no reason not to,” Vambre replied cheerfully, reaching over Zange to get her own feel of Prohyas’ cock, “as this handsome gentleman is generously endowed and clearly not a first-degree relative. Although I’m not sure why I felt compelled to mention that last bit.”

“I’d be happy to doggy-bone this hot stranger for you, Your Highness!” Prohyas said eagerly.

“Awesome!” the princess replied. “And could you lend me that, uh, that…”


Zange looked upward. “Dude, I know you’re just trying to be helpful, but you’re kinda harshing my ladyboner.”


Vambre handed the Mega Vibrator Magisword to Zange, who pulled her yellow half-corset the rest of the way off and then shucked off her black pants, taking down her purple undies along with them. She opened her pale, freckled legs, revealing her petite, pink pussy, which was topped with a tuft of red hair.

Meanwhile, Vambre removed her bra, displaying her pert breasts with their erect brown nipples. Then she slid her light-blue panties down her shapely thighs, and her little blue bush came into view.

Prohyas now had a massive bulge in his blue underpants that had grown quite uncomfortable. So he had more than one reason to yank his boxer-briefs down, letting his cock spring free like an enthusiastic ferret being let out of its cage.

“Private Wangerson, reporting for duty!” Prohyas announced.

“I do hope he’s ready to charge headlong into the fray,” Vambre replied, looking lustily at Prohyas’ shlong. “All that suckling at the princess’ lovely breasts has left me quite randy.”

“You don’t look like a Randy,” said Prohyas.

“Just shag her carpet already!” Zange shouted eagerly.

Vambre got on all fours, turning sideways to the princess to give her an optimal view of the action. Prohyas knelt behind her and lined up his cock with her well-lubricated entrance.

“Into the foxhole ya go, Wangerson,” Prohyas said, and slid his cock in.

“Ahhhhhh…” Vambre moaned.

Princess Zange found a button on the handle of the Mega Vibrator Magisword that started the device buzzing. Lying back again, she applied its thick cylindrical shaft to her clit. A silly smile broke out on her face as she pleasured herself while watching Vambre and Prohyas humping slowly in front of her. Her gaze fixed on the sight of Prohyas’ hands gripping Vambre’s tight bottom-cheeks while the male Warrior’s thick shaft pushed into the female one’s pussy again and again, his balls meeting her blue bush on every stroke.

“Guys,” Zange said breathily, “this is so rad…”

In a pleasant, faraway tone, Vambre sighed, “So glad you’re enjoying the show, Zange dear…”

“Yeahhhh,” Prohyas agreed blissfully as he continued slow-fucking Vambre. “Bangity-bangin’ this hot lady sure is amazing…’specially with you watching, Zange…”

Zange looked on for a while longer, continuing to pleasure herself with the vibrating magisword, even finding a second button that caused a little knobbed arm to extend from the base of the “blade” and begin applying vibration to Zange’s little pink rear hole. The princess’ silly smile grew wider.

Soon, her voice husky with lust, Zange said, “Ohhh, guys, I’m ready to get into the game. And I totally wanna be the ham and cheese in a Warrior sandwich.”

“Well, seeing as this handsome fellow and I are both warriors,” Vambre said, oblivious to Zange’s meaning, “that should be quite feasible.” Then, as Prohyas pulled out of her, Vambre turned to him and said, “I suggest you be supine for this activity.”

“First, you’re a supine,” Prohyas retorted, “and second…what does supine mean?”

“That you should lie down on your back,” Vambre clarified.


Prohyas lay down. Then Zange, at Vambre’s suggestion, lay on her back on top of him. Prohyas began playing with the princess’ freckled breasts.

“Now then,” Vambre said, “we shall require the assistance of Private Wangerson.”

“Oh, he’s ready for action,” Prohyas assured her.

“Awesome,” Zange said. “Get that chubby in my cubby!”

Vambre took hold of Prohyas’ shaft and guided him into Zange’s red-tufted puss. He pushed it into her slowly, and Zange seemed to melt on top of him, tilting her head back and resting completely on Prohyas’ body as she moaned, “Ooooohhhhhh, sooooo gnarlyyyyyy…”

“My dear,” said Vambre, “the gnarliness has only begun.”

She took the Mega Vibrator Magisword from Zange’s nightstand and got on top of the princess, sandwiching Zange between herself and Prohyas. As Vambre climbed aboard, she made sure that the vibrating magisword was pressed firmly between Zange’s pussy and her own. Then she switched it on.

“Whooooaaaaaaaa,” Zange moaned.

Prohyas pumped Zange slowly from below as Vambre moved her body against the princess’, breasts against breasts, tummy against tummy, and that lovely vibrating toy stimulating her clit every bit as nicely as it was Zange’s.

After several minutes of this, Zange’s pale, freckled skin was utterly flushed with sexual arousal, and her pussy was leaking its natural lube onto Prohyas’ thighs. The princess’ eyes were closed and her mouth was open as she panted with each of the male Warrior’s thrusts.

Vambre lowered her head past Zange’s and said to Prohyas, “I believe it is time to double her pleasure, as it were.”

“Wait, double her-? Ohhhhh,” Prohyas replied with more than a hint of eagerness. “That should be easy. She’s lubing me up like crazy.”

“Whaaaa…” Zange murmured, clearly lost in a cloud of pleasure. “Whaaaa you guyz…talkin’ abouuu…?”

“Something I think you’ll enjoy quite thoroughly,” Vambre replied.

Zange uttered an “Awwww” of disappointment as Prohyas pulled out of her and Vambre slid the Mega Vibrator Magisword out from between Zange and herself. Then Vambre got up on her knees, between Zange and Prohyas’ legs, and held the shaft of the magisword between her thighs.

“Ready?” Vambre asked.

“Way ready,” Prohyas replied.

“Ready for wha- ooohhhh!” Zange cried as Vambre began pushing the thick shaft of the vibrating magisword into the princess’s pussy while, at the same time, Prohyas slowly but firmly introduced his cockhead into Zange’s asshole.

Prohyas got all the way into Zange’s ass at the same time that the Mega Vibrator Magisword bottomed out in her pussy. Vambre turned up the vibration a bit; like a witch on a broom, she was straddling the portion of the buzzing magisword that remained outside of Zange. This position enabled Vambre to press her own clit against it at just the right angle and amount of pressure to maximize her pleasure, while leaving her hands free to run all over Zange’s body. But to make this experience ideal for Zange, she would need a little help.

“Probias-” she began.

“Prohyas,” the male Warrior corrected, his voice cracking with lust.

“Prohyas, would you be a dear and fuck Zange’s front entrance with this magisword while you are fucking her rear entrance with your lovely member?”

“No problem, Bamburrito.”

“That’s ‘Vamburrito.’”


With both hands, Prohyas gripped the crossguard of the Mega Vibrator Magisword. Then, as he began pushing his cock in and out of Zange’s widely stretched pink asshole, he simultaneously pulled and pushed on the magisword, thereby fucking both of the princess’s holes in perfect synchrony.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God…” Zange panted in time with Prohyas’ thrusts.

“Yes,” Vambre breathed, eagerly fondling the princess’s freckled  breasts, “that’s rather the reaction I was hoping for.”

Prohyas, meanwhile, was in heaven. Not only was his entire front covered in hot, naked princess, and not only was he fucking the tightest hole he’d ever experienced, but he was also listening to Zange moaning mindless words of sexual pleasure in that sexy accent of hers.

As a result, after several minutes of this, Prohyas moaned, “Uh…Vambi?”

“Close enough. Yes?”

“I don’t think…I’m gonna last…too much longer…”

Vambre looked at the naked, sweating, utterly flushed Zange. Her eyes were closed, and she was making little moaning gasps with every dual thrust of Prohyas’ cock and Vambre’s vibrating magisword. It was clear to Vambre that the princess was ready for the grand finale.

“Then give her everything you’ve got!” Vambre cried.

“Oh, yes!” Prohyas shouted. He started fucking Zange at full throttle as Vambre turned the Mega Vibrator Magisword up to maximum vibration.

“Oh God!” the princess cried.

Prohyas pounded her hard, and Vambre got on top of her and deep-kissed the princess, eagerly tongue-fencing with her while the thrusting, vibrating magisword inside Zange stimulated both of their pussies.

“So gnarly!” Zange cried out. “So radical! I’m totes gonna come!”

Prohyas, driven over the edge by Zange’s words, shouted “Sweet mother of all magiswords YES!” Then he cried “AAAAAAAH!” as he shot a massive load of his seed into Zange’s ass.

“WHOOOOAAAAAA!” Zange hollered, thrashing like mad beneath Vambre, which in turn set off the female Warrior’s own orgasm.

“EEEEEEEEEE!” Vambre shrieked, clutching the thrashing princess with her arms and the vibrating magisword between her thighs.

When it was all over, the three collapsed, rolling off of one another and panting for breath.

“That…” Zange huffed, “was so awesome…you guys…”

Prohyas panted, “Happy to…help out…Your Highness…”

“Indeed…” Vambre added breathlessly.

There was a knock on the bedroom door, followed by a man’s voice calling from just outside it.

“Your Highness, we heard shouts. Is all well in the royal bedchamber?”

“All is awesome,” the princess replied. “Please bug off.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Guys,” Zange said to Vambre and Prohyas, “I’ve gotta clean up and go do princess biz. But I’m, like, seriously sorry about the bogus wizard attack. And since I promised you a paying gig, you can totally pick up your gems from Sir Bob.”

“Thanks, Zange!” said Prohyas. “That seems fair.”

“And it only makes me feel the teensiest bit like a strumpet,” Vambre added.

Prohyas turned to Vambre. “Hey, you play an instrument, too?”

The Warriors quickly got dressed and headed home. Zange took a quick bath, and as she dressed afterward, she said to herself, “I wonder when that selective memory thing is gonna wear off?”


Zange looked up. “Oh, for sure, narrate away.”



“It’s quite a coincidence that we are traveling virtually the same path to our respective domiciles,” said Vambre.

“Yeah,” Prohyas agreed. “We must live really close by each other. It’s kind of weird that we’ve never met before.”

Then, seductively, he continued, “So, want to get together and fool around some time? Just you and me?”

“Hmm,” Vambre said with a smile. “How does your Thursday evening look?”

“As a matter of fact, I-”

Suddenly, there was a flash of purple light around both Warriors’ heads. They stopped in their tracks.

“-just remembered you’re my sister,” Prohyas said, his face a blank.

“And I have suddenly recalled that you are my brother,” Vambre replied. “With whom I have recently had-” her face turned green “-sexual relations.”

“Oh jeez and crackers,” said Prohyas, going pale.

“If you will excuse me,” Vambre said, looking more ill by the second, “I believe my lunch is about to make an encore appearance.”

Prohyas put his hand on his stomach as it made an unpleasant churning sound.

“Yeah,” he said with audible discomfort, “I think breakfast might be making a comeback, too.”

They ran in opposite directions into the forest. Soon, retching sounds echoed through the trees.


The puking sounds continued unabated.


The End


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