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Rated F: A Phineas and Ferb Sex Comedy	By : GeorgeGlass Category: +M through R > Phineas and Ferb Views: 50106 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own PHINEAS AND FERB, its characters, or the phrase "Oh, there you are, Perry." I received no financial compensation for writing this story.

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- 1-Rated F: A Phineas and Ferb Sex Comedy
- 1
“Rated F: A Phineas and Ferb Sex Comedy” (m/f, f/f, loli/shota)
Summary: After watching a long-forgotten VHS tape they found in the garage, Phineas and Ferb decide to make an old-fashioned porno movie. Now it’s not a question of what they’re going to do today, but whom.
Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas, Ferb, or any related characters. I’m pretty much just taking them for a joyride. I received no financial compensation for writing this.
Note: This story was written to be funny and true to the characters and yet wildly pornographic. Did it work? You be the judge.
Note numero dos: This story depicts the title characters and their same-age friends engaging in graphic sexual activity. If that bugs you, time to stop reading. If that doesn’t bug you, if it makes you smirk, or if it makes you stiff and/or damp in places, then you are welcome to read on.
—-
“That,” Phineas said to Ferb, “wasn’t like anything I’ve seen before.”
Their parents had gone off to work an antique show for the day, and Phineas and Ferb had been left at home under Candace’s supervision. It wasn’t terribly close supervision—Candace had been in her room chatting on the phone with Stacy since the end of breakfast—so the boys had decided on their own to clean out the garage. This would make for a nice surprise for their parents and, with any luck, provide some inspiration for their project for the day. That was how they found the old VHS tape at the very bottom of a long-unopened box.
Their dad kept a VCR connected to the television to watch his old black-and-white monster movies and Pinhead Pierre videos, so the boys had popped the tape in and watched, mesmerized, for the next 80 minutes.
“You know,” Phineas said later, “when I saw that the title was HARD BANGERS 3, I kind of thought it would be about a trio of percussionists. Or maybe carpenters.”
“Well,” Ferb replied, “there was that one man in the hardhat.”
“Yeah,” Phineas replied. “Interesting costume choices all around. I’d like to think we could do better. Hey, now I know what we’re going to do today: Let’s make an old-style porno movie!”
Ferb blinked, then put on a hardhat.
***
They were working in the back yard—Phineas building a movie set, Ferb composing on his synthesizer—when Isabella came through the back gate.
“Hey, Phineas,” she said in her usual lilting fashion. “What’cha dooin’?”
“We’re making an old-fashioned skin flick,” Phineas replied. “You want to be in it?”
“Well,” said Isabella, “I WOULD like to get my Virginity patch-”
“Oh, that’s okay,” Phineas interrupted. “I’m sure we can find plenty of other girls to be in the movie.”
“No, what I mean is-”
“Hey, you can be our casting director! How about you round up some talent while Ferb and I finish up here? Ferb’s writing a killer soundtrack.”
Ferb pressed a key on his synthesizer, producing a jazzy “boom-chicka-wow-WOWWWW.”
“Fine,” Isabella said huffily. “I guess I don’t NEED to add any more patches to my Secret Sash right now.”
“Your secret what?” said Phineas, suddenly curious.
Isabella put her thumb over a glassy-looking button at the bottom of her sash. Phineas had always assumed that it was just there to hold the ends of the sash together.
“Identity confirmed,” said the button in a tinny monotone. “Garcia-Shapiro, Isabella. Access granted.”
The button turned sideways and slid through a previously invisible buttonhole. This allowed Isabella to open the sash lengthwise to reveal a hidden matte-black lining. Light seemed to fall into it.
“This is my Secret Sash,” Isabella explained. “It’s for patches that Fireside Girls don’t necessarily want to show to the general public. It’s also radar-absorbent.”
“Cool,” said Phineas, impressed. He pointed to a cluster of three circles that stood out from the black fabric. “What are these three patches for?”
“The pair of black binoculars is Surveillance—I like your new bedroom rug, by the way—the frog holding a firecracker is Underwater Demolitions, and the laptop in a plain brown wrapper is Posting Erotic Fiction on the Internet Under a Pseudonym.”
“Neat,” Phineas said. “Well, I guess I’d better get back to work; these sets aren’t going to build themselves. Hey, sets that build themselves—Ferb, let’s remember that one for another day.” He turned back to Isabella and handed her a sheaf of paper. “Here’s a copy of the script. See you in a while!”
Isabella headed off, musing to herself, “I should find out if there’s a Help Thy Neighbor Make a Smut Film patch.”
***
Half an hour later, Isabella returned with several kids in tow—Baljeet, Buford, and Isabella’s entire Fireside Girl troop. Standing before them, in the middle of the back yard, was a small, two-story pink house with three triangular symbols over the door.
“Good work, Isabella,” Phineas said, looking at the crowd of actors she had recruited.
“Thanks,” the girl said. “But…” she crept closer to Phineas and whispered, “I’m not sure anyone here has ever actually had sex before. Is that going to be a problem?”
“Nah,” the boy replied. “From what we’ve seen, sex isn’t that complicated. It’s pretty much just the same movements over and over in different positions.”
Overhearing this conversation, Baljeet said, “Nonetheless, I must admit having some reservations about this.”
“Baljeet,” said Buford, “if you don’t do this, you’ll regret it every day for the rest of your life.”
“Really?” Baljeet said. “Do you think it will be that great an experience?”
“No, I mean I’m gonna beat on ya every day for the rest of your life.”
“Oh, I see. Very well—I am in.”
Phineas turned toward the small crowd and pointed to the pink house. “Welcome to the Delta Delta Delta sorority house. This will be one of our main sets.”
“Why ‘Delta Delta Delta’?” Isabella asked.
“Ferb put it in the script. I think it’s a reference to bra size.”
“Ah,” Isabella said with a hint of irritation as she glanced down at her flat chest, “so we’re going for irony, then.”
Just then, a delivery man arrived with a large box.
“Uh, I’m looking for a Phineas Flynn,” he said awkwardly.
“That’s me!” said Phineas.
“Okaaaay,” the delivery man said slowly, eying the small boy. “Well, I’ve got one Classic Porno Package here: two vibrators, one double dildo, a set of anal beads, an eight-by-twelve shag carpet, and three pounds of gold medallions.”
“Perfect,” said Phineas.
“Hey, um,” said the delivery man, glancing around as Phineas signed for the package, “aren’t you kids a little—no, scratch that—aren’t you kids WAY too young to be making an adult film?”
“Yes, yes we are,” Phineas said agreeably. “But it’s not actually an adult film; there are no adults in it.”
“Huh. I guess I can’t argue with logic like that.”
After the delivery man left, Phineas addressed the group. “Thanks for coming out today, everybody!”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Buford, “I’ll help you make your little sex movie, but I got one condition: no cheesy double entendres. I hate cheesy double entendres!”
“Fair enough,” said Phineas. “Now, this movie is intended to capture all of the important elements of VHS-era porno movies—except for the mustaches, Fredrick’s of Hollywood bras, and money shots, of course, since we’re all still waiting on puberty. But that’s no reason not to make some movie magic, so let’s get rolling! Isabella, who are you going to cast for the first scene?”
“Ferb, do you want to play Delivery Boy #1?” said Isabella. Ferb gave her a thumbs-up and made a sexy “mmrrrow” sound.
Isabella turned to the Fireside Girls. “Then I need two girls to be in the scene with him.”
“I’ll do it!” called short, bespectacled Gretchen.
“Sure, okay,” said Holly, adjusting her puffy black pigtails.
Minutes later, Buford was standing in the middle of the living room portion of the tri-Delta House set with a clapperboard.
“The Deltas Do Danville, scene one, take one,” he said, then clapped the board quite a bit harder than was necessary. He left the set and walked over to where Phineas sat in his director’s chair.
“Action!” Phineas called. Then, turning to Buford, “And when I say action, I really mean-”
“Don’t you finish that sentence, Pointy,” Buford growled.
“Oh, right, the double entendre thing. Sorry.”
On the set, Holly and Gretchen descended the stairs into the living room, which Phineas and Ferb had appointed with two couches, a couple of side tables, and even a chandelier. Holly was dressed in a short red satin nightie that barely reached her thighs, and Gretchen was sporting a see-through baby-blue negligee and matching bikini panties that nicely showed off her cute little bottom. Both girls wobbled a bit in their high-heeled shoes.
Baljeet, who was operating the camera, whispered to Phineas, “Why would they be wearing such impractical shoes with what is basically sleepwear?”
“Tradition,” Phineas said. “Nobody goes barefoot in a porno movie. Although I’m not exactly sure why.”
“‘Cause the floors are always nasty,” said Buford.
“How do you know that?” Phineas asked.
“Are you kiddin’? My mom’s been in like a dozen of these things.”
Meanwhile, in front of the camera, the girls were delivering their lines.
“That pizza should be here any minute,” said Holly.
“Good, I’m hungry,” Gretchen responded. “In more ways than one,” she added saucily.
The doorbell rang, and the girls opened the front door to reveal Ferb. He was dressed in a red-, white-, and green-striped uniform and a hat that read “JoJo’s Pizza.” He handed Holly a pizza box, and she handed him a few bills.
“Oh, gee,” Holly said with mock sadness, “I don’t have enough money for a tip.”
“Well,” said Gretchen, putting a finger under Ferb’s chin, “I suppose we’ll have to find some OTHER way to tip you.”
Ferb’s eyes widened.
“Man, that kid can act,” whispered Buford.
Holly put the pizza box on the coffee table while Gretchen shut the door behind Ferb and pulled off her see-through negligee, fully revealing her little pink nipples and oval belly button. She grabbed Ferb and pulled him in for a long, open-mouthed porno kiss. While they were at it, Holly pulled the thin straps of her red satin nightie down over her shoulders, causing the garment to drop to the floor to expose her cute, slim body.
Holly seemed to be aware that Gretchen had a little crush on Ferb, because she let the smaller girl take the lead. While Holly helped Ferb pull his shirt off, Gretchen yanked down his pants and boxers and took hold of his penis, which stiffened almost instantly at her touch. Gretchen smiled, kneeled down on the shag carpet, and began licking the head of Ferb’s cock like an ice cream cone, causing Ferb’s mismatched eyes to nearly roll back in his head.
“Wow,” said Phineas from the director’s chair. He turned to Isabella. “Has she done that before?”
“I don’t think so,” Isabella replied. “She just really likes frozen desserts.”
For about a minute, Gretchen licked Ferb’s cock while Holly played with his balls. Then Gretchen stopped for a moment to pull off her baby-blue undies, at which point Ferb seemed to remember that he needed to keep the action moving forward. He took a couple of steps back from the girls and, with acrobatic grace, flipped up into a handstand. Then he hand-walked over to the naked Gretchen—eye-level with her vagina—and began licking her little bald slit.
Gretchen sighed loudly, then remembered her lines. “Ooh, yeah! That’s what I like!” She took hold of Ferb’s cock again and began sucking it with the vigor of a starving child with a popsicle.
Holly, for her part, opened a side-table drawer and pulled out a vibrator. She lay on the couch near the vertically 69-ing couple and began to apply the tip of the vibe to her clit, moaning loudly.
“It’s a good thing there isn’t too much dialogue,” Phineas whispered to his nearby friends. “I had no idea how distracting sex would be. I wonder if people in the neighborhood can hear the yelling?”
***
Up in her room, Candace was still on the phone with Stacy when she thought she heard a scream. “Stace? I’m gonna have to call you back. I think something bustable is happening in the back yard.”
Candace closed her phone and looked out the window to see a smallish, two-story pink house in the middle of the back yard.
“How did I not hear them building that?” she asked herself aloud. “Well, mom’s not going to be home for a few more hours, so I can’t bust them now—but I CAN gather plenty of evidence.”
Surely nothing could go wrong this time. She grabbed the camera she had borrowed from Jeremy—waterproof, shockproof, and loaded with an empty memory card and fresh batteries—and took off on a pre-planned route that would get her into the back yard unseen. She ran out the front door, halfway around the block, through the tall grass in the empty lot behind the house, and over the back fence, all without breaking a sweat. Those step aerobics were really paying off.
She sneaked up to the back of the strange pink house and peered in through a window. “Now,” she whispered to herself, “let’s see what those two little freaks are d-…d-…d-….”
What Candace’s eyes were taking in was too much for her brain to process. There was her brother Ferb, buck-ass naked, swinging by his hands from a chandelier, while a girl in glasses had her naked front pressed against his, arms wrapped around his neck and legs around his waist. The girl alternately shouted “Yes!” and “Whee!” as they swung back and forth like some sort of triple-x-rated trapeze act. Meanwhile, a cute, nude black girl was watching them from the couch, masturbating enthusiastically with a vibrator.
It was like watching some sort of massive auto accident in slow-motion; Candace was horrified, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the graphic and seemingly impossible scene.
Stop looking! her inner voice cried. Every second you watch means another month in therapy someday!
Having no other ideas, Candace slapped herself across the face, shocking herself out of her paralysis. She bolted for the back fence and leaped over it, barely making contact with the wood. Then she dropped into a crouch behind the fence and whipped out her phone.
“Stacy?” she said, trying to keep the terror out of her voice, “can I come over to your house? Right now? For the whole day?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be watching your brothers?” Stacy replied.
“Believe me—they’ve got enough people watching them.”
“Well, I’m supposed to do some chores this morning…”
“I’ll help! I love chores!”
“But I’m supposed to scrub the-”
“Scrubbing’s awesome! Can’t do enough scrubbing! I’m thinking about majoring in it in college.”
“Um, okay, I guess you can-”
“Be there in thirty seconds!” cried Candace, and she was off like a shot.
***
On set, freckled Fireside Girl Milly was handing robes to the flushed and sweaty Gretchen, Holly, and Ferb.
“That was even more fun than when I earned my Vibrator Engineering patch!” said Holly.
“And it was a LOT more fun than being your beta tester,” added Gretchen. She turned to Ferb and whispered, “Electrical issues. Really not good.” Ferb winced in sympathy.
“Ferb, where did you learn all of those positions?” Baljeet asked in astonishment.
Ferb pointed to his bag, which was sitting on a chair next to Baljeet. Baljeet reached in and pulled out a book.
“Ah-hah,” the boy said, “the Kama Sutra! India’s great contribution to human sexuality!”
Baljeet pulled out a second book. “And, apparently, a sequel I was unaware of—Kama Sutra II: Revenge of the Dragonfly Position.”
The boy then pulled out a rectangular box. “Also, Kama Sutra: The Board Game,” he said, looking puzzled.
Finally, Baljeet pulled out a DVD case. “Kama Sutra: The Disney Channel Original Movie Musical”?
“Say what you like about Selena Gomez’s acting,” said Ferb as he pulled on his robe, “but her flexibility is very impressive.”
“Hey, Baljeet,” said Isabella, stemming the torrent of questions that was about to pour from the boy’s mouth. “You want to play Delivery Boy #2? He’s a small Indian immigrant with big dreams.”
“So, basically, I would be playing myself,” Baljeet replied.
“I see your dreams as more medium-sized,” Buford interjected.
“Well, how about it?” Isabella pressed.
Baljeet glanced nervously at Buford. “Um, I suppose so,” he said.
“Great. I’ll go find your costar. Meanwhile, think inspiring thoughts,” Isabella said as she headed toward the Flynn-Fletchers’ back door.
“All right,” Baljeet said to himself. “Inspiring thoughts…winning the Nobel prize in mathematics!”
“If that’s what gets you hard,” said Buford, “you’re a bigger dweeb than I thought. And that’s sayin’ somethin’.”
“Um, a naked girl handing me the Nobel prize in mathematics?”
“You’re hopeless.”
***
Isabella went into the Green Room—really, the Flynn-Fletcher living room with some temporary green curtains and large green towels thrown over the couches. (Phineas had explained that this would provide a relaxing atmosphere while protecting the couches from porn-related stains.) A few of the Fireside Girls were there, chatting.
“Okay, girls,” said Isabella, “I need someone to do the back-office scene with Baljeet. Any volunteers?”
“No thanks,” said Milly.
“Pass,” said Adyson.
“Me me me!” cried Ginger.
“Well, that makes the decision easy,” said Isabella. “Ginger, report to Wardrobe!”
“Aye, aye, Fearless Leader!”
***
Minutes later, the cast and crew met up in the garage. Half of it had been dressed to look like a pizzeria, while the other half was set up as an office. The camera was focused on the pizzeria side, where Buford stood behind the counter wearing a chef’s hat and apron. Baljeet stood on the other side of the counter, dressed in a red, white, and green uniform like Ferb’s.
Milly, now in charge of the clapperboard, stepped in front the camera. “The Deltas Do Danville, scene two, take one.”
“Action!” shouted Phineas.
Ferb came in through the front door of the pizzeria, looking a bit winded.
“Aw, man,” said Buford, “what took you so long? The owner ain’t gonna like this.”
Just then, the door to the back office flew open to reveal Ginger, dressed in business attire with a short skirt and the requisite high heels.
“You!” she shouted at Ferb. “It takes you an hour and a half to deliver one pizza? You’re fired!”
Ferb’s eyes widened.
“Wow, Ferb’s got serious acting chops,” Isabella whispered to Phineas.
“I know, right?” Phineas agreed as Ginger slammed the office door.
Baljeet turned to Ferb. “Do not worry, my friend. She is merely quick-tempered; I will find a way to mollify her.”
Baljeet went to the office door and opened it a crack. The camera shifted to the office portion of the set.
“Um, excuse me, boss,” Baljeet said. “May I speak with you for a moment?”
“Yeah, whatever,” Ginger growled, not looking up as she tapped away on an adding machine.
Baljeet entered the office, nearly on tiptoe.
“I am wondering…is there any way to convince you not to fire my friend? I am certain he did not mean to be late.”
“Hmm,” Ginger said. Then she looked up at Baljeet. “Well, I can think of ONE thing that might change my mind.”
She got up and walked around to the front of her desk, then sat on the edge and pulled up her short skirt. She was wearing no panties.
“You could eat a slice of this pie,” she said seductively.
“Ah, well, I see…,” said Baljeet with genuine nervousness. It was obvious that he had never performed oral sex on a girl before.
Phineas leaned over to Isabella. “Maybe we should have had rehearsals.”
Baljeet tentatively stepped up to the desk. He got down on his knees, stuck out his tongue, and slowly moved it toward Ginger’s little bald slit as though it might be an electrical socket. Then he took a tentative lick.
“Hmm,” he said. He licked again, then again, then again.
“Mmmmmm!” he went, then dove in and began licking Ginger’s little cunny like it was the tastiest ice cream ever made. Ginger shrieked with surprise and delight and threw her legs around Baljeet’s head. She fell back on the desk and ripped open her blouse, revealing her little dark-brown nipples, which she began rubbing and pinching to increase her pleasure.
“Oh, yes!” Ginger shouted.
Baljeet began vigorously tongue-fucking the girl, who threw her head back in ecstasy. Phineas and Isabella gasped as Ginger narrowly avoided cracking her skull on the edge of the desk.
“Wow, she looks like she’s really into it,” said Phineas.
“Yeah, she’s a heck of a thespian,” Isabella agreed.
Buford approached from the Craft Services table. “What are you talkin’ about?” he said, his mouth half full of potato chips. “We haven’t shot the thespian scene yet.”
Isabella just rolled her eyes. Verbal communication was impossible anyway; anything she might have said would have been drowned out by Ginger’s orgasmic screams.
“Yes! Eat me, you little stud pony! EAT ME!”
“I don’t think ‘stud pony’ is in the script,” whispered Phineas. “But I guess the actors should have some artistic freedom.”
“Yeah, because art’s what she’s thinkin’ about right now,” Buford said ironically.
On the set, Ginger put one hand on Baljeet’s head, pushing it away from her now soaking-wet pussy. Her face was red and her chest was heaving.
“Okay…okay,” she gasped, glancing around. It was clear that she was having trouble remembering her next line. Fortunately, Ferb was prepared and held up a giant cue card where Ginger could see it.
“Now fuck me, you subcontinental stud!” the girl cried. She ripped open Baljeet’s shirt, then stripped off her skirt and what remained of her blouse and got up on the edge of the desk again.
Baljeet shed his shirt and then dropped his pants and briefs simultaneously, revealing an endowment no boy his size and age had a right to have.
“Holy cow!” Isabella squeaked.
“More like holy horse,” said Phineas, awed.
“No wonder he hardly ever screams when I give him a wedgie,” Buford said. “He’s got a python protectin’ his family jewels!”
“Wow,” Isabella added, not taking her eyes off Baljeet’s nine-inch wonder. “It’s a good thing Ginger got her Masturbation With Vegetables patch last month…and that last month was the height of corn season.”
“You gals got a patch for everything,” said Buford.
“Fireside Girls are encouraged to pursue a variety of interests,” Isabella explained, quoting from the handbook. “You know, ‘cause it’s good to keep your hand in,” she quipped.
“What did I say about cheesy double entendres?!” Buford demanded.
“Oops. My bad.”
“That’s strike one,” Buford grumbled.
Meanwhile, Baljeet was now pushing his huge member into the moaning, gasping Ginger. “Oh, yeah, give me every inch!” she cried with perhaps a little hesitation.
“When I wrote that line,” Phineas whispered, “I didn’t think there would be so many inches.”
“This is…most pleasurable,” said Baljeet, with an expression somewhere between dreamy and astounded. He worked as much of his considerable length into Ginger as would fit, then began pumping vigorously. Ginger, apparently no longer concerned about accommodating Baljeet’s size, threw her arms around his neck and pushed her hips forward again and again to meet his thrusts.
“This is getting intense,” said Isabella, fanning herself with her script.
“Really intense,” said Phineas, staring open-mouthed at the scene.
“Eh,” said Buford, “my mom could do better.”
Not taking her eyes off the action, Isabella said, “Buford, do the letters ‘TMI’ mean anything to you?”
Ginger switched to a doggystyle position, getting on all fours on her desk. Baljeet knelt behind her and drove his monster cock back into her pussy, then began humping away like a human jackhammer. Ginger’s screams of ecstasy rose higher and higher in pitch until Phineas started to worry that she might shatter the camera lens. Finally, she reached a crescendo and Baljeet joined her in shouting “Yes! YEEEEEEEES!” as they both came like gangbusters.
When it was over, Baljeet said “Oh, my,” going off script for a moment. He climbed down from the desk and glanced over at Ferb, who pointed at himself. Thus cued, Baljeet continued, “So, may my friend have his job back?”
“Hell,” gasped Ginger, still on all fours, “if you do that again tomorrow, I’ll give him a raise.”
“And cut!” shouted Phineas. “Guys, that was great work!”
Milly brought the two actors their robes, and Ginger began to walk unsteadily off the set, clearly staggered by more than just her high-heeled shoes. Nonetheless, she had a goofy smile on her face.
“Terrific porn acting, Ginger!” said Phineas. “I was completely believing those orgasms.”
“Y-yeah,” Ginger stammered weakly. “A-acting…”
As she passed Baljeet, she whispered, “Call me.” The boy grinned widely.
“And you had great enthusiasm in the oral sex part, Baljeet,” Phineas added.
“Well,” said Baljeet, “she IS very tasty. Besides, they say it is good for you to eat some ginger now and then.”
“And right away, there’s strike two!” shouted Buford. “Am I just talkin’ to myself over here?!”
Ignoring Buford, Phineas continued, “Your energy was terrific, too.”
“Well, I had to engage in vigorous activity to keep my blood pressure up,” Baljeet explained. “Otherwise, the flow of blood to my genitals might divert too much oxygen away from my brain, in which case I would- oh dear.”
Baljeet passed out and face-planted on the set.
Phineas turned to Ferb. “Good thing we sprang for the deep-pile shag carpet, huh?”
***
Meanwhile, Isabella had returned to the green room, where she was addressing the rest of the Fireside Girls.
“Next up is the mandatory girl-on-girl scene, so we need two volunteers. For the sake of believability, I think we should start with whoever is the lezziest. Adyson, that’s obviously you.”
“What?” the tall brunette cried. “Since when?”
“Um, hel-LO!” said Milly. “Since you kissed me at our last campout.”
“That doesn’t count!” Adyson protested. “We were playing Truth or Dare, and Holly dared me to!”
“She didn’t dare you to put your tongue in my mouth,” Milly said, casting her eyes downward in embarrassment. “Or your hand in my PJs.”
“But- but- it wasn’t my fault! I was all messed up on s’mores!” Adyson cried. Then she looked around at the faces of her fellow Fireside Girls, none of whom were buying it.
“Okay, fine,” Adyson confessed. “I’m totally into girls. I would have eaten Milly’s pussy right there if someone had dared me to.”
Milly yelped and involuntarily clapped both hands over her crotch.
“Okay, Adyson, consider yourself cast,” said Isabella. “Now, who wants to be in the scene with her?”
Blonde, pigtailed Katie spoke up. “I’ll do it if it’ll get me my Sapphic Love patch.”
“Absolutely,” Isabella replied.
“Okay then,” Adyson said to Katie, “lez-”
“If you say ‘be friends,’ I will poke you in the eye with a vibrator,” the blond girl said.
***
Minutes later, Adyson and Katie were in costume, both wearing high-cut panties and matching camisoles. They walked through the living room of the Tri-Delt house, passing Gretchen and Holly, who were lying on the couch with smiles of satisfaction on their faces.
“Man,” said Katie said to Adyson as they started up the stairs, “I can’t believe we missed the pizza guy. I really wanted to have some fun with him.”
“Well,” said Adyson, “we can always make our own fun. Come to my room, and we’ll play with some of my toys.”
“Are your toys as good as boys?”
“Maybe better.”
They entered a bedroom with a pink queen-sized bed. Adyson closed the door behind them.
“Now,” Adyson said, “first things first.” She put her hands on Katie’s hips, pulled her close, and gave her a porn-obvious tongue kiss. Then she grasped the hem of Katie’s camisole and pulled it up and off the girl, exposing a pair of pink nipples.
“Mmmm, my favorite snack,” Adyson said. She pushed Katie back onto the bed and began sucking her little nipples, one after the other. Katie moaned softly with pleasure.
“Nice,” whispered Phineas from the director’s chair. “Although I’m starting to wish I’d worn looser shorts.”
“As am I,” said Baljeet, looking simultaneously aroused and woozy.
“Boys,” grumbled Isabella. She took a Virginity patch out of her pocket, looked at it, sighed, and put it back.
Meanwhile, Katie lifted her hips, and Adyson slid the girl’s panties off.
“Oh, look,” said Adyson with mock surprise as she exposed Katie’s hairless pussy, “my OTHER favorite snack.” She began running her tongue up and down between Katie’s labia while the girl rubbed her clit and moaned louder.
After a minute, Adyson took a breather, and Katie said, “This is great, but you said something about toys.”
“Oh, yes,” Adyson said. “I have some real fun ones.”
She reached under the bed and pulled out a hefty double-ended dildo.
“Oooh, that DOES look like fun!” Katie exclaimed as Adyson lubed the monster toy up.
Both girls got on all fours on the bed, facing opposite directions, and each reached back to grasp one end and work it into her vagina. Then the two girls started humping forward and back, keeping the same rhythm so that each one’s movement would push the dildo into the other’s pussy.
“Yeah, oh, yeah,” moaned Adyson, “shove that thing in me!”
“Fuck, yes, give it to me!” cried Katie, clearly enjoying herself.
Watching from behind the camera, Buford said, “Okay, I gotta admit, this is pretty hot.”
“Seriously hot,” agreed Phineas, staring glassy-eyed at the two naked, fornicating girls. “I’m so distracted, I feel like there’s question I should be asking right now, but I can’t think of what it is.”
***
Perry the platypus yawned and opened his eyes. Looking at Phineas’ alarm clock, he saw that it was nearly noon—no surprise, given that Perry had been up until the wee hours of the morning foiling Dr. Doofenshmirtz and his Write-My-Name-On-The-Moon-inator. Doof had gotten it into his head that he would be respected and feared throughout the Tri-State Area if everyone who looked up at the moon would see the name of Heinz Doofenschmirtz. Of course, even as he explained his plan to Perry—whom he had sucked into the tube of an old telescope attached to a vacuum cleaner, leaving only his head free—Doofenschmirtz had realized that writing his full name on the moon would require either an unreadably tiny font or an ungodly number of hyphens.
Ultimately, he just blasted the initials “HD” onto the moon’s surface and waited for the gasps of fear and awe to waft up from the street. Instead, he only heard a lone woman’s voice say, “The moon is in high definition now? Cool.”
Doof had erased his initials and was trying to decide what to write in their place when Perry used his bill to throw his hat at a switch on the vacuum, changing the setting from suck to blow and thereby firing himself like a cannonball at the back of Doof’s head. One press of a self-destruct button later, the day—or rather the night—was saved again.
Fortunately, Doofenshmirtz was probably just as tired as Perry, so if he were to hatch another plan, it probably wouldn’t happen until at least mid-afternoon. So the platypus decided to go see what the boys were up to.
***
“And cut!” shouted Phineas. “Great work, ladies.”
“That was awesome,” said Adyson. She held up the double dildo. “Hey, Phineas, can I keep this when we’re finished shooting?”
“Sure! You can take any props you want, as long as they don’t end up on eBay.”
Adyson turned to Katie. “Any chance I can keep YOU?”
“Not until they make a Being Some Dyke’s Love Monkey patch,” Katie replied.
“Wait, they DON’T make one of those?” Adyson said. “Nuts, that would have been an easy one.”
“Okay gang,” Phineas said, “we’re down to the big finale scene, so we’re going to need all hands on deck. And there are two characters that haven’t been cast yet. Isabella?”
“Well,” the girl said, “I’ve chosen myself for the role of sorority president, and I’d like you to play Delivery Boy #3.”
“A director’s cameo! Great idea, Isabella,” Phineas exclaimed. “But don’t you have that patch you wanted to-”
“The casting director has spoken,” Isabella said, folding her arms.
“Okay then,” said Phineas agreeably. “I guess someone else is going to have to take over the director’s chair.”
“I’ll do it!” Buford said enthusiastically. “It’s time Buford showed the world his artistic sophistication.”
“Great!” Phineas replied. “So what’s my motivation in this scene?”
“Uh, you’re horny.”
“How about mine?” piped Isabella.
“You’re horny too.”
Baljeet spoke up. “And shall the rest of us assume-”
“Consider yourselves directed,” Buford growled.
Buford then turned to Milly, who had taken over as camera operator.
“Okay, I want a cinéma vérité look with a Felliniesque tendency toward the baroque.”
Milly looked at the controls on Ferb’s digital video camera. “What do you know? There’s actually a button for that.”
A few minutes later, all of the players were in costume and in their places.
“Action!” Buford barked.
Isabella, Katie, Holly, Adyson, and Gretchen were all lounging in the Tri-Delt living room. The four girls who had been in previous scenes were back in their same lingerie. Isabella, for her part, was dressed in a slightly more modest black satin nightgown.
There was a knock at the door. “Come in!” Isabella called.
The door opened and in walked Phineas, Ferb, and Baljeet in their delivery-boy uniforms, each carrying five pizza boxes. Phineas’ shirt was half-open, revealing a treasure trove of gold medallions against his smooth chest. Behind them was Ginger, now back in her suit and heels.
“Well,” Ginger said, “you girls must be really hungry; not only did you order fifteen pizzas, but you specifically requested that they be brought by all three delivery boys. So I decided to come along to make sure they don’t get into trouble.” She paused and casually unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse. “Or, at least, that they get into the right KIND of trouble.”
Ferb’s eyes widened.
“Wow,” Milly whispered to Buford, “that guy’s a master of drama.”
“Yeah, ain’t he?” Buford whispered back.
“Well, then,” said Isabella, “welcome to the party! Girls, you have fun with these three; as sorority president, I’m claiming Golden Boy here for myself,” she said, grabbing Phineas’ hand and leading him upstairs.
***
Perry the platypus went out back and saw the tall pink house. This wasn’t terribly surprising; the boys were always building something big in the back yard. He decided to check it out by his usual method: going into “just a platypus who doesn’t do much” mode and sticking his head in the front door.
The door was already slightly ajar when Perry got there. The little monotreme peeked in, and suddenly nothing made sense.
***
“Yeah, fuck me! Harder! HARDER!” screamed Ginger as Baljeet pounded her from behind. She was standing, forearms braced against the living room wall and her legs in a half-split so that her pussy would be at the right height for her somewhat shorter partner’s substantial organ. The boy’s eyes were screwed shut as he hammered the girl’s ass again and again.
Ferb, for his part, was lying on the coffee table while Gretchen and Katie rode his cock and face, respectively, as though he were a double-length human Sybian. Gretchen pumped up and down madly while Katie pinched and squeezed her nipples and shifted her hips here and there, encouraging Ferb’s tongue to move to her most sensitive spots.
Adyson had pushed Holly halfway over the back of the couch and was licking her slit like she was in some kind of state-fair pussy-eating contest. Holly’s loud moans suggested that if she had a problem with this situation, it wasn’t MUCH of a problem.
From somewhere just off set, there was a “whap!” followed by a scampering sound.
“What was that?” said Milly from behind the camera.
“Dunno,” Buford replied. “It kinda sounded like a platypus slappin’ itself in the face and then runnin’ away.”
“Weird.”
“Anyways, switch to camera two.”
Milly flipped a switch on a console next to her, which allowed her to remotely operate a camera placed in an upstairs bedroom of the Tri-Delt house. Isabella had just led Phineas in there and closed the door. The tall, angular Fireside Girl went to the king-sized bed and lay down on her side, bending up her legs seductively like a sexy female silhouette on a mud flap.
“Come here, cutie,” she purred.
Phineas stepped forward and, front-heavy from the gold medallions, stumbled and fell on his face.
“Huh,” said Buford. “I’m gonna have to talk to Wardrobe about their costume choices.”
“Good thing we moved the shag carpet to that room,” Milly said.
Seeing that Phineas was unharmed, Isabella said dreamily, “Oh, Delivery Boy Number Three, I’ve been longing for you all summer—uh, semester. Why haven’t you noticed me?”
Buford glanced at the sheaf of papers in his lap. “She’s goin’ off script,” he said. “Maybe we better cut.”
“No way,” Milly responded. “Something tells me this is about to get good.”
Phineas was being forced to ad lib even as he freed himself from his mass of medallions. “Well, um, it’s not that I haven’t noticed you.”
“Oh, really?” Isabella replied. “What exactly HAVE you noticed about me?”
“Well, gosh, you’re fun to be with, you’re smart, you’re willing to try anything, and you’re cuter than modern science can measure. Really, you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.”
“So,” Isabella said cautiously, “you…LIKE me?”
Realization hit Phineas like a pallet of cinderblocks dropped from a crane.
“I- I guess I do,” he said, the look on his face rapidly shifting from surprise to wonderment to joy. “I mean, I REALLY do!”
“Hurray!” Isabella squeaked. Then, glancing at the camera, she quickly got back into character. “Ahem, well, in that case, how about you come over here and show me how much?”
Phineas approached and sat on the bed next to Isabella.
“But…” he said, “what about your Virginity pa- er, pledge?”
“Oh, Phi- Delivery Boy,” the girl sighed, running a finger down the side of Phineas’ face. “It’s not for KEEPING your virginity.”
“Ohhhhh,” Phineas said, having his second major revelation of the last half-minute.
Isabella grabbed Phineas and kissed him, first softly, then harder. Phineas threw his arms around her and responded in kind.
“Told you this was going to get good,” Milly said to Buford.
“Yeah, yeah, epic romance. When are they gonna start humpin’?”
Phineas seized the straps of Isabella’s black nightie and pulled it over her head, revealing her naked body. Isabella unbuttoned Phineas’ shirt and hurled it away, then yanked down his pants and briefs.
“Oh. I guess about now,” said Buford.
Phineas, now in the spirit of things, pushed Isabella down on the bed and began sucking her little brown nipples. She gasped with pleasure and clutched the boy’s head to her chest. After a minute, she rolled him over, slid down his body, and started sucking his stiff cock.
After several moments, the red light on top of camera two went off as Milly switched back to camera one.
“Hey,” Phineas gasped, “they’re not shooting anymore, if you need a break.” Isabella’s tongue swirled around the head of Phineas’ cock. “Of course, if you DON’T need a break…oh, wow….”
Isabella finally stopped and moved her head back up next to Phineas’.
“Isabella,” Phineas said, “I’m sorry I was such a lousy listener. How can I make it up to you?”
“Well, for starters,” the girl replied, spreading her legs, “you can eat a slice of this pie.”
“Don’t mind if I do!” said Phineas, moving down between Isabella’s legs and starting to lick her out. “Mmm, that’s good,” he said.
“Strawberry lube,” Isabella explained. “Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I didn’t come prepared.”
“Good,” Phineas whispered, glancing at the camera, “because we’re on again.”
Phineas spent a couple of minutes eating out the moaning, gasping, whimpering Isabella until she grabbed him, rolled him over, and got on top of him.
“Here we go,” she said. She reached down and put the head of Phineas’ cock between her lower lips, then began sinking down onto it. She stifled a yelp of pain, and Phineas heard her mutter “Stupid virginity!”
“Are you okay?” Phineas whispered.
“I’m workin’ through it,” Isabella whispered back through gritted teeth. “Just keep going.”
Isabella slowly moved up and down on Phineas’ shaft, waiting for her vagina to adjust to its presence inside. Phineas grasped her hips and looked up at her adoringly.
“Back to camera one,” Buford said to Milly, “before I need an insulin shot.”
Downstairs, there had been some switching around: Ginger was bent over the coffee table with Katie fucking her from behind with a vibrator and Adyson pushing anal beads into her one by one. Ginger herself was determinedly trying to deep-throat Baljeet, who was leaning against the couch with a delirious smile.
“You got a CPR patch, right?” Buford asked Milly.
“Uh-huh,” the girl answered.
“At least one of them is probably gonna need it.”
Simultaneously, Ferb was squatting on the couch, soul-kissing Gretchen while fucking Holly from behind.
“Wow, the Spider Monkey position,” Buford said. “That kid really does know ‘em all. Okay, back to camera two.”
Upstairs, Isabella seemed to have gotten past the initial pain, and now she was cowgirling Phineas with great enthusiasm. The boy was tweaking her nipples as she bounced up and down, a look of ecstasy on her face.
Then, seeming to sense that they were on camera, Isabella dismounted Phineas and lay on her back, bending her legs back until her knees were nearly on top of her shoulders.
“Yoga patch,” she whispered to Phineas as he got on top of her.
Phineas made sure the camera could get a good view of his and Isabella’s mated genitals, then started fucking her vigorously.
“Mmm, yes, yes, yes,” Isabella moaned, clearly not acting. “I want you deep inside me!”
“Oh, yeah,” Phineas gasped, pumping harder. “This feels so good! I didn’t know it would be like this! I don’t think I’m gonna last much- much- AAAAAAAH!”
“YEAAAAAAAAAAH!” Isabella shrieked, clutching Phineas to her as her pussy spasmed around his cock.
Phineas collapsed on top of Isabella. The red light on the camera went off.
“That was…awesome,” Phineas gasped.
“Mmmhmm,” Isabella purred, still holding him against her.
“I guess I was…a little quick…on the draw,” the boy breathed into her ear. “Porn sex…usually…takes longer.”
“Quality beats quantity any day,” Isabella said dreamily.
From downstairs came a chorus of shouts and screams of orgasmic pleasure as their fellow actors came en masse.
Phineas closed his eyes and smiled. “And that’s a wrap.”
***
Phineas and the other actors had just finished taking down the sets when Buford and Milly reappeared. No one had seen them since Buford yelled “Cut” at the end of the orgy scene.
“Oh, there you guys are,” said Phineas. “Sorry we couldn’t give you bigger parts in the movie. I hope you’re not feeling, you know, frustrated.”
“Nah,” said Buford. “We just finished bangin’ in the Green Room.”
“You’re really going to want to wash those green towels now,” Milly added.
“So,” said Phineas, “I guess a good time was had by all. There’s just one thing left to do: premiere our masterpiece. I bet Perry would love to see- Hey, where IS Perry?”
***
At OWCA headquarters, a distraught-looking Perry stood in front of the confiscated Amensia-inator.
“You really want me to erase the last hour of your memory, Agent P?” said Carl from behind the controls.
Perry nodded so hard, he nearly gave himself whiplash.
***
Two hours later, dozens of kids streamed out of the makeshift movie theater the kids had set up in the Flynn-Fletchers’ back yard. It wasn’t unusual for so many kids to show up on short notice to a Phineas-and-Ferb-related event. What WAS unusual was how quiet the crowd was.
A girl with a light-blue hair bow and a glazed look said, “That was…that was…I don’t know what that was.”
Irving, walking just behind her, said, “Definitely a…departure from Phineas and Ferb’s usual offerings. Maybe I’ll leave this one out of the scrapbook.”
“There wasn’t even a single musical number,” a husky blond boy noted. “What’s THAT all about?”
A girl said to the boy walking next to her, “You know that game of ‘You show me yours and I’ll show you mine’ we were going to play later? Seems a little pointless now.”
“Yeah,” said the boy glumly. “I guess we’ve seen everything.” Then his face brightened. “Wanna have doggystyle sex instead?”
“Sure, if we can throw some reverse cowgirl in there,” the girl replied.
“Why not?” the boy said as they walked away.
In the back yard, the kids were just starting to break down the temporary theater they had set up. Ferb was about to start collecting the folding chairs when he noticed that one of them was still occupied. Wonderfully occupied.
“Hey, Ferb,” said Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, standing up. “I know your movie wasn’t a big hit with your friends, but I liked it.” She took a step closer. “I had no idea you were so…talented.”
Ferb’s eyes widened.
“Exactly,” Vanessa said. “So, want to come to my mom’s house? She’s out at some class or other, and her place has a great chandelier. Besides,” she added, “I’ve got something those Fireside Girls don’t.”
“An intriguing dark side?” said Ferb.
“Well, yeah, but I was going to say boobs,” Vanessa answered.
Ferb grinned.
He followed her out to the curb and got onto her motor scooter behind her, and off they went.
Out back, Isabella and Phineas were rolling up the movie screen.
“This was a heck of a day, huh?” said Phineas.
“It sure was,” said Isabella. “Hey, I almost forgot—I can put on my Virginity patch now!” She opened her Secret Sash, then reached into her pocket and pulled out the patch, which bore the image of an exploding cherry.
“So THAT’s what that is,” said Phineas. “I noticed you looking at it before, but I figured it had something to do with fireworks.”
“You know, for such a smart guy, you can be kind of thick,” Isabella said cutely as she stuck the patch on her sash. Then she took Phineas’ hand.
“I’ve been into you all summer long,” she said with a grin, “and now I finally got YOU into ME.”
From behind them, a raspy voice shouted, “And there’s strike three! Buford is outta here.”
***
A few minutes later, just as the kids removed the last traces of their impromptu movie theater from the back yard, Linda Flynn-Fletcher arrived home. She parked her car and went into the back yard to find Phineas and his friends chatting on the back porch.
“Hi, Mom,” Phineas said.
“Hello, everyone. Phineas, where’s your brother?”
“He’s hanging out with a friend.”
“I see. And what did you do today?”
“We made a movie. But it wasn’t a critical success.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie. Would you all like some pie?”
“Yes, please!” “Uh-huh!” “Sure!” the kids variously shouted.
“I will never hear that word the same way again,” Baljeet whispered to Phineas.
Isabella walked up next to Phineas, who took her hand just as Ginger sidled up to Baljeet.
“Well,” Isabella said, “our movie might have been a flop, but I think we all got a happy ending.”
Just then, Phineas heard a rattling growl from behind him.
“Oh, there you are, Perry,” he said. “You don’t know what you missed.”
Perry really didn’t. But somehow, that was okay with him.
- - -
Thanks for reading! If you are kind enough to review this story, I will post a response to your review here: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/51732-review-responses-for-rated-f-a-phineas-and-ferb-sex-comedy/
Also, if you enjoyed this story and would like to read its sequel, check out "Secret Sash" at http://cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600096780
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Rated F: A Phineas and Ferb Sex Comedy