Lincoln the Gigolo

"298…299…300 dollars." Lincoln sighed in Disappointment. "That's only halfway there. I was hoping Lola would pay me more than just 10 dollars, but I guess it's the best I can do in this situation." Lincoln groaned in annoyance. He had been in the ordeal for the past two weeks ever since summer break started.

"If only there were a faster way I could earn more money in this house."

Money.

If there is one thing that the residents of the Loud House were always asking for, it was money. It was always the conundrum of why their parents decided to have so many children but did not have a plan for how to handle all of them with a stretched budget. That all changed when their Father opened his restaurant, Lynn's Table. Finally, things were looking up for the Loud Family, but it was too good to be true.

Despite the restaurant's immense success, the money was dedicated to paying any restaurant expenses, household repairs, planned vacations, and college funding for the children. As such, the Loud children were not rolling in dough as they had hoped. While they got monthly allowances and ways to earn extra cash such as Lola's pageantry prizes, Luna's band gig, and Luan's Funny Business Inc., it still wasn't enough to go really crazy and buy anything they wanted unless they wanted to go broke and wait until the next allowance payment or a birthday.

That brings us to Lincoln Loud. The middle child of the Loud Family and the only son of the Loud Family. Wedge between five older sisters and five younger sisters. When it came to money for Lincoln, it was a bit of an issue. He did not have a business like his sisters and was not part of any extracurricular activity that paid him. Now that summer break was here, Lincoln had his eyes on the prize: The newest Game Station 720x now on the market and a David Steele game available at launch.

The problem was that it was a whopping $500, plus the David Steele game was $50. Money like that was not in Lincoln's hands right now. At most, he had garnered only 300 dollars from lawn mowing, dog walking, saving his allowance, and doing favors for his sisters.

Since the neighborhood and every surrounding suburb had their lawn mown and dogs walked, and his allowance wouldn't be coming for another few weeks, Lincoln's last hope was asking for money from his sisters in exchange for favors.

At first, the sisters were a bit confused by the constant favors in exchange for cash; it wasn't the first time he borrowed money from them, and it wasn't for anything substantial like some random toys. But to ask and immediately fire back that he'll do their chores and do anything they don't want to do.

It only leads to two conclusions: one, he learned his mistake last time and offered compensation in exchange rather than borrowing outright without a plan, and two, whatever he wanted must have been major. Naturally, the sisters saw an opportunity and wouldn't let it go to waste.

They would gather a small portion of the money they saved to give him over a few weeks for every favor he did. They made sure not to go too big on the payout so they could extend this as long as possible.

A few sisters did object, such as Luna, who found it ridiculous to treat their brother like a slave, but as Lisa pointed out, 'Slaves were never paid for their labor.' As long as they were fair with the job given and compensation offered, he would never complain. It was also a way for them to at least guarantee spending time with him.

The weeks into summer continued until it was time for the family's planned vacation, a two-week stay at a nice lakeside resort. The first week, however, was dedicated to the parents, so they were there already enjoying themselves while Lori was in charge.

This was both a blessing and a curse to Lincoln. A vacation at a nice resort was awesome, but a whole week without earning money would slow him down big time, especially at the rate he was going.

"I guess I can try Leni again; she usually pays generously and is always pretty forgiving with the favor. I only hope it won't involve sewing needles. I don't think I can handle being poked for half an hour." Lincoln put the money in a safe compartment and walked out of his room toward Lori's and Leni's room. Unaware that a certain jokester was ready to ambush him with a new opportunity for cash.

Luan Loud was an avid prankster; finding opportunities to prank was part of the business, and watching her brother scurry around the past weeks looking for money gave her an idea.

It would seem Lincoln would always say yes to a job regardless of what it was and never had any problems completing it. Such jobs included reorganizing all her videotapes alphabetically by sibling names, cleaning all her comedy props, or varnishing Mr. Coconut with a water seal. It got her thinking that since he would say yes to anything, maybe she would make him say yes to something extreme. And so, the wheel in her head started turning, followed by a devilish grin.

It was a simple prank. Nothing outrageous, but the opportunity was right there, and she refused to let it go to waste; that would be bad business.

All she would do was change the water-squirting flower on her shirt to one with a small camera in it. It was her weapon to record things without anyone knowing. She would wait until Lincoln was looking for the next sister to do favors for, and she would swoop right in and grab his attention.

From there, she would offer 5 dollars in exchange for a kiss. A little strange and gross, sure, but that is what she wants since she knows her brother will make some hilarious and weird faces. She would record him for her entertainment and business before giving him a real job to do in exchange for the 5, and in return, she would have a compilation of all the funny faces of the Loud House; it was perfect.

As soon as Lincoln was near her door, Luan opened it with immense force.

"Hey Lincoln!" Luan said with a large brace-filled grin. Lincoln screamed and clutched his chest as if his punny sister had just appeared out of nowhere with a loud bang.

"Geez, Luan, taking lessons from Lynn."

"Well, you know what they say: if you can't beat them, join them. I saw you and couldn't resist. What do you think? I gave you a heart-racing experience, did I?" Luan followed up with her go-to laugh.

Lincoln rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile. Luan will always find a way to earn a good laugh. Lincoln won't say it out loud, but he always loves Luan's laugh. It was music to his ears. Sure, he heard it when he was on the receiving end of one of her pranks, but it was still worth it to hear that laugh.

Even if her pranks and puns made people blow a fuse and gave her a target on her back, it was just her way of life, and Luan's laugh was part of the package. Lincoln didn't want to say it aloud if it meant things would be weird between them. If only he knew that things were about to get really weird.

Luan finished laughing and stared at Lincoln with mischievous intent. "So, I guess you're looking for something else to do for us in exchange for some cash."

Lincoln smiled. Perfect, this is what he wanted. "Yeah, you got something for me."

Luan's smile became more gleeful. This was it. "Of course!" Luan said.

Luan then pulled out a 5-dollar bill from her skirt pocket and showed it to Lincoln, whose eyes lit up at the sight of the dollar.

"I'll give you a 'Lincoln,' Lincoln," Luan said humorously. "If you address these lips with a 'proclamation' and seal them."

"Huh?" Lincoln said.

Luan hooked the fish; it was time to reel it in. "I'll give you 5 dollars if you kiss me."

There it was. Luan's flower was recording. At any second, Lincoln would be making some disturbed faces, and she would catch it all in its glory. Followed by Lincoln going "LUAN, THAT'S GROSS!" and "Seriously!", it would be worth it.

But that moment never came; instead, Lincoln looked surprised and stayed silent, not weirding out like she thought he would. Luan was a little caught off guard. 'Ok, any second now, right?' Luan thought.

Lincoln questioned whether he heard his sister right. 'She just asked me to kiss her, right?' Lincoln thought. 'Kiss her on the lips? This has to be a prank, right?'

But what if it wasn't a prank? None of his sisters would dangle cash in front of their brother to dupe him, not even Luan, with all the jobs he had done so far for her. 'Maybe she just wants to mess with me right now.' Lincoln concluded.

Lincoln looked up to Luan with a confident posture and intention to complete the transaction. 'Well, two can play at the game.'

"Ok," Lincoln said.

Knowing that if he fought fire with fire, Luan would back down and be real with him, and if she was actually serious. 'Well, I guess I wouldn't be so bad.' Lincoln thought.

After all, it was just a kiss on the lips, nothing too serious. Sure, the Loud siblings don't exactly exchange kisses with one another. Maybe on the cheek and forehead, but those are rare nowadays, such as trying to rekindle bonds and saying you're sorry, or giving a sweet thank you. Granted, kissing on the lips is jumping into dangerous territory, but it's only bad if their parents see them, and they are not here right now.

Lincoln even remembered a time when he kissed Lynn and Lucy on the lips a while back. With Lynn, they were little kids still sharing a bed and didn't know any better about the implications of kissing on the lips; as for Lucy, it was during an emotional moment he didn't want to be reminded of. Both kisses were a one-time thing and barely a second, so the same could be said about the kiss he would be experiencing right now with Luan at the moment.

And if it went too far, the one who could stop them was Lori, who was holed up in her room staring at her phone at the moment; as long as they were not 'loud', she wouldn't bother coming out unless it was for food or a bathroom visit. Hopefully, they probably wouldn't go too far, because Lori had full authority when their parents weren't around, and she reported everything to them when problems were beyond her help. Lincoln still didn't want to be interrupted by her because something like this had always been popping up in his head.

Lincoln knew in the back of his mind he shouldn't, but he always had those thoughts swirling in his head as he started puberty. It made his sisters seem very attractive with every passing day. He always scolded himself for getting those thoughts, but those thoughts got louder and louder with every intimate and close moment.

Such as helping Lynn practice wrestling and getting a whiff of her musky but feminine smell, or when Leni started jumping up and down excitedly when a new line of clothing came to her favorite store, accidentally flashing her panties in the process. Now here Luan was 'pranking' him by offering a kiss.

'Might as well go for it; it will be just for a few seconds, plus I'll be getting 5 dollars out of it. Easiest 5 bucks ever.'

"Wait, what?" Luan said.

Ok, that wasn't supposed to happen.