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The Diary of Lincoln Loud	By : Flagg1991 Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 4632 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House or any of its characters. I will not profit from this story. It was written for fun.

Chapter List
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June 28 – I woke up crying again this morning. I must have been crying in my sleep too, because almost as soon as I was up, someone knocked on my door. I pulled the cover over my head and said, “Yeah?” as normally as I could.

The door opened. “Linc?”

It was Luna. She sounded worried.

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

I sniffled. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

She sat down on the edge of the bed and tugged at the cover. “Really?”

I didn’t want her to see my crying. I didn’t even want her or any of the others to know I cried, but I guess when you’re asleep, you really can’t control how much noise you make. I wondered if they heard me the other times.

“Yes,” I said, fighting back even more tears.

“Come on, Linc,” she said. “Talk to me.”

I sighed. “I had a dream.”

“About Luan?”

I nodded, then, realizing she couldn’t see my head, added: “Yeah.”

“Was it about...what she did?”

“No,” I said.

I told her the dream from start to finish. I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when the door opened. I sat up, and Luan was standing at the foot of my bed. She was wearing her Groucho Marx glasses and a multicolored afro wig.

“Luan?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

“Hey, Linc,” she said, “sorry to wake you with my clowning around.”

I tried to speak but couldn’t. I was scared. Scared she was going to hurt me again. But I was also happy. More happy than I had ever been in my life.

“What are you doing here?” I finally managed.

“I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d drop in.” She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at me. “I also wanted to apologize for everything I did.” She chuckled. “I guess I went a little crazy.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I forgive you. Really. Can you come home?”

She shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe.”

We talked for a while, about things we did in the past, things we said, memories. She said she had to go, and when she left, I started crying.

By the time I was done, Lori and Lynn were standing in the doorway. Luna was next to me, patting me on the back. “I miss her too, little bro,” she said.

Lori and Lynn both came in and sat next to me. “She has problems, Linc,” Lori said as gently as she could. “But she’s getting help. And one day she’ll come home.”

“I don’t know if I want her too,” I said, and broke down. The girls hugged me as I wept. I’m not the smartest kid in the world, but I know what a sociopath is. I overheard dad on the phone with Luan’s doctors. “Can sociopaths be cured?” he asked. He listened for a moment, and then looked devastated. I didn’t know what a sociopath was, so I looked it up. When you’re a sociopath, you’re a sociopath. There’s no changing that, there’s no cure, there’s nothing. The Luan I knew and loved was a lie, a false front. The real Luan was the Luan who hurt me, who hurt Lori. Still, I miss her so much. Our family feels incomplete without her. And I’m not the only one who feels that way. Everyone’s down in the dumps. It’s like when Luan left, she took a part of each of us with her.

“You know what might cheer you up?” Lynn asked. “Ice cream. Ice cream always makes me feel better.”

I sniffed. Ice cream sounded terrible, but I couldn’t sit here and cry all day. “Yeah,” I said, “ice cream.”

“Get dressed and come downstairs,” Lori said, mussing my hair, “and I’ll make you some ice cream.”

The girls left, and I got dressed for the day. By the time I was ready, there was a line for the bathroom. Lucy was first, then Lisa, then Lola, then Lana. The twins were arguing over who should be first. I took my place and looked at my shoes. When my turn came, I did my business and went downstairs. I was headed into the kitchen when I heard Lori’s voice.

“He woke up crying again.”

I stopped.

“Alright,” mom said, “he can have ice cream.”

“He probably needs a therapist, mom. Luan really messed him up.”

I’m messed up? Is that what Lori thought of me?

“I know,” mom sighed. “I’m working on it. Your dad and I have been dealing with Luan. She’s not doing well where she is.”

“Serves her right.”

“Lori,” mom admonished.

“She raped Lincoln and tried to kill me. I’m sorry if I don’t feel bad for her.”

“I can’t deal with this right now, Lori.”

I ducked behind the china cabinet just as mom came into the dining room and crossed into the living room. Her shoulders were slumped and she moved slowly. This whole thing was as hard on her as it was on me, if not harder. I felt like shit for adding to it.

Sighing, I went into the kitchen. Lori was at the counter scooping ice cream into a bowl. When she saw me, she brightened. “Hey, Linc. Here’s that ice cream.”

“Thanks,” I said, sitting at the island. She sat the bowl in front of me. It had chocolate sauce and sprinkles. Tears came to my eyes. Lori was so good to me. She just wanted to help and do what’s right for me. I’m so lucky to have her.

While she went to go get ready for school, I ate my ice cream. When I was done, I washed the bowl and spoon. A half hour later, we piled into the van and Lori drove us to school. I didn’t feel up to it, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to.

I tried to be my old self, but I just didn’t have it in me. Me and Clyde ate lunch together, and he asked if I wanted to ride bikes in the park after school. I told him sure, because it’s been a while since we hung out and I feel bad, but the thought of it made me tired. I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep.

All through the day, I kept thinking of the dream, of how happy I was when Luan came in. She was cured. She wasn’t a sociopath anymore. She was her old comedian self. I know that will never happen, but I want it to. I want her to get better and come home. I want that so much.

LATER

I rode bikes with Clyde after all, even though I didn’t want to. He doesn’t know all the details, but he knew something happened with Luan, and that she was “somewhere.” He avoids asking me about it, though, for which I am grateful. He’s such a good friend. Before we parted, I hugged him as tight as I could.

“I love you, buddy,” I said.

“I love you too, man,” he said.

“Don’t ever change.”

At dinner, we ate in near silence. Mom and dad both looked tired and worn out. They acted tired and worn out. They snapped more easily. They admonished us more harshly. I realized that they were changing, just like Luan changed, and that thought scared me so much that I started to cry.

“Can I be excused?”

“Go,” mom said without looking up from her plate. I got up, scraped my plate in the trash, put it in the sink, and scurried out before the tears overwhelmed me.

“Way to handle that, mom,” I heard Lori say.

“Lori, I really don’t need this right now.”

In my room, I shut the door and sat in the dark, my knees drawn up to my chest. Twilight slowly bled away, and darkness ruled. It’s scary how quickly things can change. In a little over a month, my family has changed so much. Sometimes I don’t even recognize it.
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The Diary of Lincoln Loud