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Duke and Scarlett: Crisis of Faith	By : chkokt Category: +G through L > G.I. Joe Views: 3418 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own GI Joe, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Crisis of Faith
- 1
A/N Hi I'm Chkokt, welcome to my first story. I hope you enjoy reading this tale as much as I enjoyed writing it. I had thought this was only going to be a one off but as life keep unwinding, more ideas for the story keep coming at me. So I look forward to posting two more chapters to end this arc. If you like what you're reading please pay in the coin of the realm... a little review. Good or bad it all keeps me going and helps us all perfect our craft. You guys are the greatest element in this equasion of writing. No writing in the world serves any purpose at all without the readers. Written for a friend. Two songs to listen to when reading. I will follow you into the dark by Death Cab for Cutie for Scarlett and for Duke, Rod Stewart's-- My heart can't tell you no. Thanks Chkokt

Duke and Scarlett: A Crisis of Faith
"Snake eye... Why did it have to be Snake Eye he's like a brother to me!" Conrad thought as the weight on the bench creaked with the exertion of being pushed up in the air. Cords and cable of sinew and muscles, knotted and strained as he started lifting five hundred pounds of solid cast iron for his final set. A guttural grunt signaled that Conrad "Duke" Hauser was at the end of his endurance as well as his workout. Through his pain, the 'Go Joe!' motto pushed him on, motivated him.
Free weights were real, left a real effect on his body. Lifting caused callouses, left a legacy on Duke's muscled frame no one could deny. The real feel of the weights grounded the first sergeant, made everything for a moment whole again. A hard earned reality Duke knew for sure was slipping from his grasp.
'1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...7...' Duke counted off in his reps in his mind, as he blew out each breath straining against his fatigue and the weight. The clanging of the iron against each other on the barbell rang out at the top of each rep. Punctuating each lift with their rings. It was his last set after a heavy workout, Duke knew it was going to hurt. Giving up was not an option for a Joe.
Working out was always his solace. Duke had a hard time talking to people. Even now they always expected him to be tough, to be strong, the moral yardstick they measured everything against, being their Field Commander they really had no other choice. Before that though, he was a kid growing up in St Louis, Missouri they all subjected him to be the victim of their jokes, their cruelty. Not because he had done anything to them, no it was simply because they could. His family was poor and he was defenseless. People felt they had a right and took advantage of that.
C'lang, clang, clang the weights rang out, echoing in the empty gymnasium. 'Kids- fuck'em. 12... 13... 14...' The rafter he used as his point of focus shifted in the shadows his thoughts began to wander. Duke kept track as he continued his reps, memories unfolding like a flag in a stiff wind:
When Duke was younger, the bigger kids had bullied and pushed him around all the time. Until one day when he had, had enough. Skinny little Conrad with the hand-me down clothes fought back. That was the moment Conrad/Duke realized he was strong, really strong. He didn't win the first couple of fights, but eventually enough of the bullies were hurt that the fun definitely went out of picking on the 'poor boy'. Duke got better at defending himself and soon after others he cared about as well as.
It was his first taste at being a real "American Hero". Defending others. It physically hurt but he felt satisfied, found a purpose in life other than being poor.
Valor, courage; protecting those that couldn't protect themselves; led him to his love of myth, legends, and the greek heros of old. That in turn pointed out another hidden talent Duke had, that was his love of languages. He picked up foreign tongues so easy, that trait made him valuable to the military. A selfsame ease with cultural diversity would later mark him as a major asset to the Joe's; who's bedrock remained it unique racial and cultural personnel.
Mind and body Conrad forged himself whole, he became "Duke" the codename GI Joe assigned him. He embodied the persona, it felt right. Silently, secretly Duke shut the door on Conrad, and his past.
As accepted as he was, Duke was never one who all the girls flocked to be with. I mean he knew he wasn't a bad looking man. At 6'6, 240 lbs of solid muscles and scars. The scar under his right eye was the only one that carried shame. He knew he was at the height of his physical prowess. Still inside he felt like that gangly kid who was picked on all the time. Picked last, kissed last, last to know everything. Especially right now, in his current situation.
His blond hair remained spiked despite the sweat that was dripping from ever exposed part of his body. Duke's standard issued Joe tee was clinging to his frame so tight, soaked, it made his nipples stand out prominently. Always Duke was self conscious about his nipples, they were always out there for everyone to see. Ever since puberty; the guys bulling him in the gym never let up on teasing him about them, he felt shame for being so carnal.
Secretly, Duke grew to love when people noticed his nipples, it made him tingle down low. Especially any time Scarlett mentioned anything about them.
Clang... clang. '17... 18...' His paced slowed but Duke kept the count. Kept pressing forward.
Being the training instructor, Dukes tough exterior keep the whole Joe team in check. Second only to General Hawk, Duke's word was law. Yet somehow Scarlett knew the First Sergeant wasn't as cocky, or as embarrassed as he pretended to be about his two studded assets. She took ever chance she got to point them out to the others.
Even now in his mind's eye, Duke could see Scarlett's wry smile, her tilted head as she pointed out how "cold" it must be for him. The entire Joe team snickered. Only Roadblock out and out laughed loudly. Duke smiled remembering how he let her needling slide. Scarlett was on his map now and he couldn't but notice how unassumingly beautiful she was.
Clang clang... clang '...21, 22... 23' . His heart picked up the pace just thinking about her.
Scarlett's red hair pulled into her classic pony tail. Duke's tingle returned as images of her flashed in his mind: Two finger pressed against her full lips as she gazed up in the air in a not to innocent smile; Her bright eyes full of laughter; Her fake sneer as he proved his metal against a hoard of cobra flunkies, while she easily had doubled his body count; Her furrowed brow as she showed deep concern for any of their fallen comrades; or...
Clang, clang, '... 23,24...'.
The sneaky little smile Scarlett got when she heard the latest bit of juicy gossip on any of the other Joe's, especially about Flint and Lady Jaye. But she always talked with compassion and reasoned concern in her heart for all of them. Duke called Scarlett Pandora, Psyche and a host of other mythological beauties who flirted with danger of too much knowledge; he wanted her to think that he only thought she was a playfully innocent little busy body. In truth it was his subtle, secret way of saying that Shana M. O'Hara to him was heavenly.
Duke cringed at how corny his feelings for Scarlett felt. Oh, he knew she would laugh at him if he ever said words like those he felt out loud. Yet he felt them so deep that he knew they were right. Corny feelings flooded his mind all the time when he was with her: on missions, at meals, even out and about doing the mundane tasks of running the sprawling Joe compound. A wisp of air and Duke was a wash in a sea of corny thoughts all centering on red headed warrior.
Duke arms locked up half way during the press. He had to concentrate with that much weight, it was dangerous. The trembling started at his elbows and started to work their way threatening closer to his shoulders. Fatigue and distraction were making their finale attack on him. He was caught past the point of no return. Duke was working too heavy in the first place. It was stupid of him to be doing free weights without anyone to spot him. Duke knew better but he couldn't face any Joe after what he had learned. That pride just might cost him everything.
Duke dug deep. Found the spark that put Conrad on this road in the first place. His back arched slightly off of the bench as he forced a victory out of his defeat. "Uggggh... ugggh...Twenty-Five!"
The gym filled with his last growl of triumph, the last clanging of the weights as he pushed them up into the air and held them there. Proving he was in control. If nothing else Duke had conquered this.
Slightly out of control five hundred pounds of iron weight and force slammed into the cradle of the old style the workout bench. Bending the stands slightly under its impact! Duke noted that, knew he would have to get a stronger bench. This one was done and as he lay upon it fighting to catch his breath, he loved the feel of the sticky wet leather under his back. It reminded him of his skinny days in his parent's basement with the faux wood paneled walls and moldy carpeting; just lifting, trying to clear his mind. Trying to understand people; why they did the mean things they do.
His arms dropped, dead weights of their own. It took some time before his breathing returned to normal and he recovered enough to wipe the now cold sweat from his body.
Back in the day the max Duke remembered, he as Conrad, could lift was only fifty pounds. Over and over again he lifted that fifty until he cried from the combined strains of lifting and life. Here, now twenty five years later its ten times the mass Duke was pushing. But, he still didn't understand people, still felt like 'the goofy kid' in a basement, albeit a bigger basement, with better gear... still trying to figure life out, alone.
Only difference being Duke wasn't crying from lifting pain these days.
Nothing changed.
Duke sat up, wiped the sweat and tears from his flushed face. The evidence of his emotions comingled with the sweat soaked up by the terrycloth towel. The massive soldier's heart raced not from his exertion, but from the pangs of 'her' being gone, possibly forev.... Like Sisyphus, Duke knew it was a constant anguish he couldn't lift no matter how much time he spent in the gym.
****
"Look, come on Lady Jaye, I just need you to spot me is that so much to ask?" the dirty looking sailor pleaded as he trailed the compact warrior as she headed to the gym for her regular regiment. Her springy short cut hair and squared off shoulders, showed she always meant business. It scared him. "It won't even be but a little bit... I promise."
"Your only lifting fifty pounds, Hector. Why don't you get Roadblock to help you? He's your PT instructor." Lady Jaye's barely hid the chuckle. Shipwreck didn't even register the zinger she launched across his bow. He was a smart man, but not one of the brightest Joe's.
"Dang, I don't know."
Shipwreck tried to hold back the truth, but he desperately wanted Lady Jaye's help. "I... " She's a girl he thought, it had to be better than Roadblock's, he was a cocky asshole. So he confessed:
"Roadblock always yells at me, and...and calls me a "little kitty" for not working out with a man's weight. I just want to do it my way first, you know, without all the yelling and stuff. " Shipwreck skin turned a bright pink, standing out against the light blue shirt he wore in his retro 70's disco dancer style. Embarrassed he looked away, breaking eye contact with Lady Jaye.
The bird cawed a single word. "PU..."
Shipwreck was quick to silence the bird; with not too delicate a one handed strangle hold. "POLLY!"
Lady Jaye stifled her laugh so as not to further embarrass the tousled head seaman. Where Shipwreck was noticeably irritated his skinny frame shook with anger at the bird. Polly was a bit on the fat side even for a parrot, cat like she stayed perched on his shoulder, she wasn't even ruffled over their exchange. What a pair; it was obvious his harsh words about Polly were all a macho bluff; he loved that bird.
Lady Jaye slapped the sailor hardily on the back, rubbing the sting in for more effect. His resounding 'Awww!' and a corresponding high whistle from the bird, made her smile even more. Shipwreck made it too easy, seeing that, Lady Jaye cut Roadblock a little slack for taking his shots at the hapless deckhand.
"Ok." Jaye smiled at the crazy seaman sporting the chartreuse plumed bird on his shoulder, straightened his dirty white cap. How did he keep that silly thing up there? She always thought as they started back toward the gym. 'Kitty...' That old salty sea dog was so sweet, being a gentleman, trying to avoid the real name, she realized Roadblock called him. That Pig!
As they approached the gym, Lady Jaye's own workout routine consisted of lifting one hundred and fifty pound, it would put the little deckhand to shame. She decided to spare him the embarrassment and work down to his level. Well, she would at least push him up to sixty pounds. Fifty pounds... Geeezzz.
****
Duke sat on the edge of the bench collecting his thoughts, he heard their voices coming first, recognized them second. Even though Shipwreck was too self involved to acknowledge what Duke was going through, Duke really couldn't face the other Joe at all. Certainly not Lady Jaye, Lady Jaye and Scarlett were close. Jaye being only one of two people Scarlett would open up to. Duke wasn't sure what they shared about this situation. While he just didn't feel right sharing how he felt, regardless of what Jaye might have heard already.
Duke didn't want to risk the questions, the interrogation, accusation and what ever other mysterious host of things could come about when friends defended friends. He didn't want to risks other peoples relationships by explaining what was only his opinion. No he wouldn't talk bad of Scarlett he still...
Duke was up and out of the gym and back in the locker room before the two even cracked the door seal. His unique musky, Aqua Velva laden scent was all that was left in the room.
Still as soon as Lady Jaye entered the gym she noticed two things, the faint scent of Aqua Velva in the air, the movement in the shadows. Both observation eluded Shipwreck and made her feel solemn and sad.
****
The twin showerheads spit out ice cold water when he turned them on. He cranked the hot knob on the right side, all the way to the left. Returning to his locker, giving the shower time to heat up, Duke lifted the latch. Opened the door, paused, holding the door, before he reached inside. No Joe believed in locks; they all trusted each other with their very lives. What value did a few bucks and rags hold to men and women who sacrifice for each other daily.
Duke hated cold showers preferring; hot to cold every time. Pulling his toilet kit out and setting it on the bench, he stepped back, then proceeded to take off his clothes. The shower spray the only sound in the room.
Peeling off the wet tee as it clung to his body, a second skin, catching on his ever present nipples as it rose up and off. His body was good, still Duke never felt it was good enough. No matter how much the soldier worked out. His hands slid down his rippled abs on to his military belt clasp. He slid the locking bar that released the pressure on the olive green-gold strap, his fatigues loosened up to drop to his feet.
Sitting on the bench he removed his pants, folded and stowed them in his locker, off came his socks, then finally his green Joe issued skivvies. Naked. The neutral wood bench warmed up under his fleshy backside.
Duke checked todays workout progress in the mirror, beside the weight scale across from him. His legs were coming along nicely, his calves and quads were massive. As he scanned up he was proud of what God gifted him with, countered by his rock hard glute's, Duke was content with his lower half. It was fine.
His iron hard core tapered up his trunk merging into a wide vee shaped back, set off on the either side by two massive "guns", that were his arms. Arms just shy in size of the "rocket launchers" that Roadblock sported. But that didn't matter his guns could hold there own in a fire fight, for sure. As his arms started their healing and rebuilding process, Duke rubbed the soreness out of his ripped muscles. Rotating the stiffness out of his deltoids, Duke caught a last glimpse at his own face.
Here, is where the truth lied.
Not in his steel cut jaw, his blond bottle brush hair or the slight scar on his right cheek. No, the truth was all in his eyes. Duke had a hard time masking his feelings, his crystal clear blue eyes always told on him. And they were telling on him now; he couldn't hide from it.
Duke grabbed his toilet kit, towel and soap hurriedly slamming the locker closed,he set off to the showers. 'Damn mirror.' He thought, never noticing the locker door bouncing back open, exposing the secret red-headed beauty pinned up inside.
Regret and remorse were heavy on Duke as he entered the steam fog filled room. The water was scalding hot. Yet Duke entered unfazed. He needed the pain, his life was dull and dead to him. There was a reason he knew why he was so numb. Duke cut off all emotions when he blew up at Scarlet. He had to, it was the only way he could survive. Not feel, not care, not fall apart into a puddle of human flesh with the hurt.
The steam shrouded the tears as Duke allowed his stoic mask of indifference to slip to the floor and shatter into a million pieces. "Hide from everybody else... ." His Father would say, "... but never lie to yourself." It was the last conversation they shared before he died. His last piece of wisdom, 'Never lie to yourself.'
"I love you... so much Shana."
His words were so weak as to barely be audible. Duke prayed the pounding shower spray would mask his confession. Even though he knew he was alone Duke still was afraid of looking foolish in front of the others. He never uttered another sound, the shower's steam hit his face hiding his tears. Tears lost as they mingled with the hot water, both flowing just as wild and freely down his cheeks.
His massive delts silently heaved; as the memories of their last conversation, bullied their way back into his mind. So vivid and raw, Duke was lost in the reality of his emotions:
****
"Snake Eye's!!" Duke's voice of authority filled the gym. Reverberated off the rafter's and settled heavily into the core of the only other person in the room. The complex was empty, all the Joe's were away on assignment. Duke knew that or he would never have confronted here on this issue. For all of his boldness Duke was still a very private man. Fighting with people he cared about in public wasn't something he was comfortable with.
"You were engaged to the man for a fucking year... you were intimate; in love with him; enough so that you waited at an alter for him! And you never thought, at any point that I would like to have known that, Shana? Really? Everyone else knew about it, the entire Joe organization."
Duke was red with rage, made all the more startling framed by his blond hair and his green command shirt. He turned away from her and pushed the weight bench out of his way as he paced back and forth.
Scarlett silently watching him lose control. She had no fear that he would hurt her, she knew the man and that was not his way.
"Not one of the Joe's ever said a thing about it to me! Not one friend told me that something so important to you had ever happened. They must all be laughing at the nieve hayseed from corn belt, who never suspected a thing." Duke railed.
"Not one damn thing! I'm so stupid, just like always Scarlett. People... even my friends hurt me thinking I won't understand, or they don't want to hurt my feelings, like I'm not strong enough to handle the truth." Long buried past insecurities and demons resurrected themselves right before Scarlett's green eyes.
"I handle the fucking truth everyday. The truth that people I care about are going to die today; that some of them will, will be injured beyond repair; that I will not like what my team will say about me, second guessing my every critical move. Still I'll have to stay strong, hold my ground, stand by my orders for the greater good of our team, the survival of our missions. I can accept the lack of faith from them, I trained myself to do so, but I never thought it could happen with you!"
"I thought you believed in me, Scarlett, that faith made me so strong. I could face anything, anytime knowing you had my six. I trusted you, felt you never judged me! I thought you trusted me in turn... you knew you could tell me anything in time. Knowing I would wait for you to feel free to do so, no judgement."
"I held nothing back from you, told you things that the other Joe's would surely question my leadership over. And when you shared your pains with me I was content in your trust." Duke sighed, "But you didn't trust me..."
"... couldn't trust me enough to tell me the one truth that changes everything between us." Duke didn't let up for a second, his pain pushing him past his normal midwestern courtesies, past his gentlemanly style. His eyes misted.
"Love me enough to know that I wouldn't have pushed you away for anything..." He chocked out, his emotions finally getting the better of him. No, he wasn't letting her off the hook, not that easily.
"I thought it was past us." Scarlett said flatly. She stood strong in the torrent that was Dukes tirade. Where many others, Joe's included, would have curled up and withered under such malevolence, Scarlett stood fast and strong. She wasn't like any other Joe, Scarlett was an elite soldier. Over the coarse of years she had faced down a lot of her own demons as well.
"How can a 'lie' be '...past us.'? Even a lie of omission can still stop trust cold, Scarlett... can't you see that?" His tone pitched higher, retaining its air of authority.
There was no talking to Duke. Scarlett could see it in his face he was consumed with pain, betrayal and fear. Fear? Scarlett had never seen Duke show any kind of fear. He had faced down Cobra Commander, the Baroness, even Destro himself and never showed one ounce of fear. But what was clear here and now as Scarlett looked into those blue eyes of his; the man inside was lost and scared, in way over his head.
Even thru her own anguish, Scarlett never wished any hurt on Duke. As the silence took her, Scarlett allowed the immediate shock of the situation to take hold her. Duke needed this, more than she need to set him right. Her heart clutched in her chest, the razor hot needles of anxiety settled heavily in her stomach. Her breath caught in her throat. Her feelings for Snake Eyes were different. How could she ever explain something so complex and convoluted to a man in this much pain.
So, Scarlett just didn't.
Now was not the time. 'Pick you battles.' she reminded herself, '... and the war will always be yours.' Scarlet knew she was strong, knew she would endure and when the time was right she would strike back. When the time was right she would let out her own pain.
"I never want to see you again!" Duke raged. His hurt etched in his voice; a steel sound he reserved in only the most harrowing of life and death situation. It was a lie, told with such force, he longed to believe it himself. "Just stay the hell away from me, if you see Cover Girl and Snake Eye tell them to keep the hell away from me too! He should have said something to me, should have found a way to spare me... Instead of making a fool out of me."
Duke abruptly turned away. He wouldn't let her read his eyes. He knew Scarlet would see the man Conrad inside, see that he was weak, he was lying; that if she pushed, even a little, his resolve would have caved faster than Cobra Commander yelling "Retreat!" Duke spun on his heels, didn't look back as he headed out of the gym.
There was another reason he needed to leave. Duke needed to leave before Conrad asked the one question that Duke knew the answer to which, would destroy him utterly.
'Do you love him?
' He didn't want to know, didn't want to make her choose. Because in his heart of hearts, he already knew the answer. Always the last picked, the last kissed... the last to find love, nothing ever changed.
Duke pretended he never heard Scarlett wish for him to have "...a good life." Or that he also heard the crack in her voice; as Shana's own feelings overwhelmed her.
Duke hurt Scarlett. No he knew that wasn't true.
Conrad hurt Shana, the woman behind Scarlet, the Georgian princess he swore on the souls of his parents to cherish. That vow he now broke with an act he couldn't find a way back from.
How long had been that the water turned cold, shocking Duke out of his vivid memories. They weren't gone, no the memories stayed on loop in the background of his weary mind. Shana's pain, his fault. Duke didn't care he it would look, he would trade everything he owned just to have things back the way they were, three weeks ago; before he any discovered any parts of Scarlett's secret truth.
Alas, time only goes forward; regret and hindsight are all he found himself left with. The world darkened on that day, a month ago. His feelings of being lost stayed with Duke day and night, awake or sleep. That is on the rare nights he was able to find sleep. Memories of Shana were always with him, but now without the empowering laugh or smile. Now he only saw her face in torment, torment he caused her to feel; coupled with the shame he felt for not being a man; never giving her even a chance to explain.
The steam from the shower had long since gone cold. Duke stood up off the icy tile floor. He couldn't remember when he had sat down in the first place, nor for how long he had remained on the floor. But it had to have been a while if the water had literally run cold. Duke went for the right hot water knob to turn it off, finding it already closed. Irritated by the cold blast of water hitting him in the face, Duke absent mindedly reached for the cold knob on the left, finding it wide open, quickly turning it off instead.
Duke shivered at the brisk air and the cold water on his skin combined to make him upset. No one had come in to the locker room at all; Duke wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was just relieved he wasn't discovered on the floor a puddle of wrecked emotions. The numbness returned as the greatest American hero, made his way back to his locker and a fresh change of clothes.
****
Lady Jaye had finished up with Shipwreck earlier, he never got pass, lifting anything more than fifty pounds. Discouraged he finally gave up and left. Jaye stayed and finished her own workout.
175 pounds! Lady Jaye lifted ten reps in her finale set, a personal best. Proud Jaye headed to the locker room to take a shower. Toweling off Jaye saw the half open locker, recognized it as Duke's. She had felt it more in her gut, than she had heard the sound of sobs.
Duke was still in their she realized. Things were not going right for him these past weeks. Scarlett had shared his confrontation with her, she knew their situation. Hell Lady Jaye felt guilty for being the one that mentioned the whole Snake Eye/ Scarlett engagement in front of Duke in the first place. Her big mouth sparked it all.
She had to bear some responsibility for the man's pain; he ripped himself away from his soul mate, because of it. Jaye couldn't understand that move on Duke's part. She couldn't do that to Flint or imagine him doing it to her. Jaye knew that was a scar only time would lessen, but never heal. For now he was raw and need space, the least she could do was give it to him.
Silently Lady Jaye slipped back out of the locker room, she left knowing a guardian angel was watching over Duke. Wouldn't allow him to come to any harm. So she used her considerable skills to jimmy the lock on the janitor's closet, grabbing the 'Out of service' sign. Set it up outside the entrance to the locker room. Just so no other Joes would happen upon their commanding officer in such a vulnerable state.
Lady Jaye would take a shower in the quarters she shared with Flint. Flint and Jaye really cared for Duke and Scarlett as a couple and as individuals. She prayed that they could find their way back together, they were so much better together.
Six hours after Jaye left Duke in the shower the water had turned cold, snapping Duke out of his revere. Grateful that he remained undiscovered, never knowing that so many people were actually there for both of them.
****
Duke turned off the shower heads, he didn't know when his tears stopped. His eyes were still red masses that glowered in angst from his head. He remembered longing to be noticed by Scarlett the very first day he ever saw her.
How beautiful she was, how he wished that she'd acknowledge that he existed. Shana's auburn hair always held his attention, over the years it became a more definitive red, he was smart enough then not to mention it but he appreciated the subtle changes none the less. More then her looks what impressed him most was how Scarlett would fade to the sidelines and become an enraptured observer of the crowd, and when she was done she would slip back in, mixing with the others as if she never missed a beat. Duke revered that trait the most.
Duke winced at the memory of working up his nerve, finally having gotten the courage to actually ask Scarlet out. Duke thought he was being subtle, ask her while they were all on mission. Thinking everyone would be distracted. How humilliated he was when Roadblock and Cover Girl, both, loudly and relentlessly busted him out in front of everyone on the convoy. Scarlet never said anything.
Duke on the other hand found that he was shamed back into silence.
Flashing ahead to another memory; A savagely passionate kiss from Cover Girl was the only innocent fling Duke had. Cover Girl started it... Duke just didn't stop it is all. If he'd known how close Cover Girl and Scarlet were, bff's, he would never have chanced it, engaged in the kiss. 'Girl code', Duke thought. "Kiss one, can't have the other.", his Mother always said of girls and their friends.
A few years later, when he'd resigned himself to fact that he would never be with Scarlett. That she was way out of his league. It happened.
Out of the blue, she approached him, said she was open for a little wine and dinner.
A date?
Duke didn't care what you called it, he wasn't going to miss his chance to hang out with Scarlett. He was amazed he would have some time with Shana; time without any of the other Joes around to foul things up. Asshole Roadblock!
They agreed to meet out in front of the city library, for Duke it was a safe haven, all the stories, the characters his old friends lending their silent moral support. It felt so unreal, Duke remembered he deep down thought it was an elaborate practical joke, the Joes were playing on him. He half expected Roadblock or Cover Girl to pop out of nowhere to mock him for being so corny and in love. The Joes were capable of anything, especially for the laugh.
This time it was for real.
The dinner was amazing, they laughed the entire evening. They even met up with Scarlett's friends and partied until they all had to leave for the evening.
Duke walked Scarlet home. Casually stepping in and out of shops along the way. It was so effortless being with her. Hearing her laughing, smiling, joking, even busting his balls when he got to big for his britches.
Only to have the roll reverse when Scarlett tried on a pair of squirrel fur lined pants. It was all over then. He was in love.
"Seriously, You got squirrels in your pants!" Duke about died laughing. Tears formed in his eyes he lost his breath, he platfully kept teasing her about it until she too was busting up right along side him as they made it to her quarters. It was one of the greatest night of his life.
He wanted to sweep her up and kiss her, right then and there, in the halls of the Joe compound. Shy caution reared it head, now was not the time it said. Know your terrain the wise SunTzu would say; so Duke decided to wait. Just her mere company made life that much brighter.
Duke knew it was corny to think that way, but he couldn't change the fact that he was midwestern boy, from Missouri, it's just how he was raised. A simple world. Boys ask, girls answer. Until she answers, he waits. No matter how long it takes, a gentleman will wait; if its 'true love'. Duke wanted it to be. Wanted to give 'this' a real chance. So he waited.
Secretly it never felt like waiting, not for him. Duke and Scarlett experienced so many new things together that all their time together skipped by so fast. Minutes, became days, days morphed into months, which shifted to years. Through out it all Duke never doubted he was waiting for something epic, something so grand that the revelation would shift his entire world.
That was then, this is now. She was not here only a powerfully wide void where all of their memories were stored.
'Was it about Snake Eyes?' the question bounced around the edges of Duke's mind.
'...Never lie to yourself.' His Dad's voice came back to him. If Duke could hear his Mom's voice again, he knew what she would say, "Well ain't you a 'dirt road sport' " His parents' had been poor all their lives. They died too young, too broke, and left a boy alone to become a man too soon. But what they left Conrad; though short, was powerful words of wisdom. Words, that even now had unfogged the truth and gave Duke his first true moments of clarity in months.
Dad was right, never lie to yourself, and if he had to admit the truth... Duke's, mother's voice was right as well. He was a 'dirt road sport'; being cock of the walk, in his assumption that Scarlett would eventually have no choice but to fall in love with him; because his love for her was so pure, so true, so strong. But that wasn't true or a fact. His belief only made assumptions about her, about their relationship, about things that he should've simply asked. Asked Scarlet straight up. You can't 'unring' a bell.
Duke knew that, he'd struck the bell of discord as hard as hell; its chime, reverberating still.
As for the question of Snake Eye? Clearly Duke realized it was never about Snake Eye. He appreciated what those two had shared, because the relationship made Scarlett who she was. Snake Eyes was a good man, Duke trusted him with his life. How could he fault the secretive ninja for having been in love with Scarlett, or for being so tight lipped about the resulting relationship. He knew what it felt like hiding out, bottling up his emotions, secreted. Just like Duke now knew he was doing with all of the other Joe's. Disconnecting was the easy way out...
Later Duke was out fitted in his dress blues, sharp and clean, he found himself walking the halls of GI Joe's Command Center. His destination was as surer, than his newly minted decision.
It was decided. Even now after all of the pain Duke knew that if Shana knocked on his door, opened up her arms, he would fall into them, desperately. As long as they held him, promised too never be parted again. Duke was weak for Scarlett. She had all the power whether she knew it or not, when it came to the country boy. Conrad couldn't deny Shana anything. Even if it ultimately lead to his total death and destruction, he would always find a way to believe her, to believe in her. What other choice did he have.
Duke was at General Hawk's door, knocking.
"Enter." The baritone voice boomed. Father like Duke was reassured by the sound. It comforted him even now.
Duke straightened up, opened the door and entered the General's office. After preforming the military greeting formalities, he found it hard to start. Damn, indecision again! There was no coming back from this choice either.
General Hawk was a bit older than Duke, a ruggedly handsome man; who's squinty look spoke volumes of his unwavering support for his staff. Duke looked into the General's face- His worn eyes, his years, Duke recognized his future in the man across from him.
"At ease, Duke." Hawk nodded for Duke to sit. He didn't.
"I knew it would come down to this, son." He sighed. Hawk's face weary with the burden of his office. Duke understood the look of a man tasked to ask someone else, too do something, he himself, would rather risk his own life doing. But Hawk, like Duke was a seasoned military man, they comprehended both sacrifice and loss.
"Once you do this Duke... Conrad there can be no contact with any Joe, any of our support system. You'll be going in deep, total black ops status. Deeper than even Seal Team Six."
"I understand." Duke agreed.
Hawk looked at Duke hard and long. "Conrad, this mission is serious, you'll have to be focused total on your cover, one slip up- A lot of innocent lives, invaluable resources will be lost. We have only one shot at figuring out what this new operative, Major Bludd is up to." Hawk stopped abruptly.
Keen perceptions had guided him Hawk so often in the past was telling him this kid was not ready. How could he let him go? How could he not. Duke earned the chance, earned the right to set his own destiny. The decision was made.
"I'll go pack my things..." Duke turned to leave. Hawk stood up from behind the massive desk, covered in papers. Stopped, the Joe.
"No, Duke you leave now, with the clothes on your back and this duffle bag." Hawk hefted the duffle bag, it was heavier than they used to be. But Hawk was also older as well. "Its the only way."
Duke pursed his lips pursed in grim determination, his steps automatic, the first sergeant crossed the room, took the bag handed to him and gave the General a stiff salute. One that was returned in all its mirroring crispness. Duke passed Hawk, exited out the secret passage behind the desk only the two of them knew about.
Hawk returned to his desk. Praying that he had made the right choice too. There was nothing else left to say. After Carolee, Hawk's wife, died; the General remembered having to find his own way back as well. "God speed Joe."
Hawk shuffled the papers disgustedly; there was no way around it, the powers that be, had decided the Pit would be closed! In less than a months time, the entire Joes' would be decommissioned! Clayton Abernathy, silently prayed Duke was strong enough, with out the GI Joes, he was all of theirs' last and only hope.
****
Duke dropped his dress jacket and shirt in the passage way as he was leaving and retrieved the duster and no regulation cover from the duffle bag. Quickly inventoried the weapons, maps, monies and support documents he would need. Anything else Duke would have to find himself... live off the land until the assignment was complete.
Duke emerged near the south gate. With one hesitant moment of doubt, he pushed to the back of his mind, clamping down his longing as best he could. Duke even doubting if he could sustain the will needed to stay focused, stay alive. He was on mission now, lives to protect, lost love to...
Her name came to him a whisper, a whisper he swore never to utter aloud again. '... O'Hara, Shana... Scarlett...' The crunch sound of gravel under the heel of his boots was his only companion in the night. Nobody would know Duke was gone, nor why. It was classified. The Joes' would all wake and it would be as if he never existed at all.
Duke felt they would all be better off without him, go on with their lives, live fully, grow old be at peace like they did before he ever walked on to the scene.
Duke left the compound in the dead of night, no one saw him leave. No one heard him as he said good by to everyone and everything that gave his life meaning. He couldn't bring himself to say good by to her, not by the names he knew and loved... that was too painful. He said good bye using the only name he had left to him...
"Good bye, Megan."
A bit of sheen lit his blue eyes, set off by the moonlight; the only visible sign of the first sergeant's choice. Duke hiked up his heavy laden duffle bag for the finale time. Conrad S. Hauser, left the gates of the Joe compound to an unsure future.
*****
Snake Eyes was the only other Joe, outside of General Hawk, to know Duke was leaving. As the Joe's preeminent ninja Snake Eyes always knew these kind of things. Every since Lady Jaye spoke of the 'engagement', he had kept an eye on his friend, being his dark guardian angel. Because he worried, Snake Eye's knew the pain Duke was feeling for Scarlett. He was the only other man who truly understood what that hurt was like. Just like Duke, he too was the only other man who knew Shana's full name: Shana... Megan... O'Hara. Megan, was her grandmother's name. A name so special to Shana; she only spoke it two times he knew of. Nanna Megan, Shana loved and cherished her so deeply she barely told anyone, because it hurt too much. Only two others knew of that pain, the only two men, she deeply loved as well.
'Knowing is half the battle...' Snake Eye's thought. 'But knowing is also all the pain.'
The solitary moonlit night was cold and so very lonely. Even for a ninja.
'Yo, Joe.'

A/N: The rest of the tale is Scarlett's Story to share. I will be telling the Duke story from here on out. The next chapter will be called Journey into Darkness. Wish me luck! LOL Chkokt Peace 11/ 2014
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Duke and Scarlett: Crisis of Faith