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Party Crashing Crossdresser	By : Twitchystitch Category: +1 through F > Adventure Time Views: 6418 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Adventure Time or make profits off it.

Chapter List
- 1-Party Crashing Crossdresser
- 1
Finn, lying alone in his increasingly empty-feeling tree house home, flopped on his bed. “I’m bored,” he whined.
“Okie dokie,” said Beemo, who was sitting there plugged into the wall because she didn’t really have anything else to do.
Finn flopped around like a land-stuck fish, knocking a few animal-skins off his bed and onto the floor. “SO BORED.”
“Yes. You just said that.”
“I’ve never been this bored in my life,” Finn said. His legs gave a little half-hearted flop. He stared at his knees, wiggling them a bit. Scabbed and discolored by still-fading bruises from yesterday’s adventure of slaying a half-dragon manticore solely by kicking it to death with his knees (a self-imposed challenge; slaying savage monsters that bordered on being perfect killing machines had gotten a little boring where he killed them the old-fashioned way). Yet, he observed vaguely, his knees were kind of gently shaped, almost girl-ish.
“Yes you have,” Beemo said helpfully. “I was watching!”
“Nuh uh!” Finn threw his arms up. His wrist smacked right into where his bed met the wall, with an impact hard enough to rattle metal and knock a few untended things (a trophy head, a small key to a city he’d earned saving it a few years ago, and an old picture of his butt he’d planned to give to girls he was into to show them the bounty of his hams) right off the wall and bounce harmlessly on the furs below. He didn’t even feel it, both absurdly tough and too inured to pain to really feel it. He knew that he should have felt more. “Dang it, mang! I barely even felt that! This sucks, I LIKE PAIN.”
“Yes,” Beemo said smartly. “That is because you are a masochist, Finn.”
Finn frowned at the robot; not upset, just a touch puzzled. “That word again! Mang, Peebs said the same things after that time she caught me with her pantyhose, sixteen ropes and the lost statue of King Namor of ancient Atlantis! …She still teases me over it, too. I don’t even know what it means, too!”
“Ah!” Beemo said happily. “a masochist is someone who, sexually or otherwise, is-“
“BORED NOW!” Finn rolled over and headbutted the headboard of his bed, again and again and again; the tremors rocked the rooms a little bit, cracked appeared in the hard wood of the wall, and massive dents bent inward from the force of his head and the density of his skull (a suitable metaphor, Princess Bubblegum might have though)-
It cracked too much, and fell in half. Finn kept headbutting empty space for sixteen more seconds before he realized that it was gone. “Mang, headboard-thing! You wimped out on me! Not cool, mang.”
Finn groaned and flopped back again. “Total suckage, mang! Ultimate suckage and lameness too. Kind of lameness, I guess.” He waved his hand around sideways in a see-sawing motion in the universal gesture of ‘kinda-sorta’.
“…Finn, you are still complaining. I am being annoyed.” Beemo’s face-screen briefly changed from her usual cute expression to reading ‘WTF?’ in digital letters. “It is most unlike you!”
“Yeah, well…” Finn struggled to think of a comeback. Arguing with Beemo was more fun than lying around complaining or thinking about how lonely the tree house had gotten. His brain worked hard, but if it had been a mechanical form, it would have been a rapidly overheating steam engine; his thoughts flopped and he said, “You’re cute!” He hopped up and grabbed Beemo, waving the cute little robot around, like a grown man playing with his infant child. “Look how cute you are!”
“Hee hee hee!” Beemo giggled. “Stop it, Finn, you are making me silly!”
“Nuh uh, Beemo!” Finn said, grinning and now tossing Beemo very slightly into the air, catching her and doing it again over and over. “You’re already super-silly! You’re mega-silly! You’re ultra-silly! You’re the silliness that regular boring silly wants to grow up to be! Look how silly you are!”
“Hee! I am not! I am a serious mean machine!” Beemo’s face flickered into the scariest expression she could think of; an angry looking emoticon like ‘D : <’. It was a miserable failure at being scary.
Finn giggled. “Nope, you’re sweeter than candied kisses!” He kissed the little robot right on the head. “Smooch smooch!”
“Hee! Stop it!” Beemo giggled again and again, wiggling her little arms.
“Hee! Alrighty!” Finn placed Beemo down back on her little table. He smiled at her, and as her giggles wound down, the tree house became silent again.
Finn sighed, dramatically. “I miss Jake and my buds,” he said sadly, and sat down hard on the floor.
Beemo paused. Eventually she said, “Jake is busy moving in with Lady Rainicorn. They are having puppies, our lives have to change.”
“I know mang, I know…” Finn stared morosely at the ground. He absently dragged his finger along a whorl in the wood-grain. “I don’t like it. But I know.”
In Jake’s absence, the room had gotten even messier; not that Finn was an especially clumsy child at cleaning, but he’d been distracted lately, and didn’t have much inclination to bother picking up after himself these days. Right in the middle of the room there was a huge pile of newspapers with a bit more care than other things.
Finn glanced at these briefly; at the very top was the headline ‘Big-Shot Princess Upgrades Self Into Giant Lady! Adventuring Reporters From The Future of Tomorrow Remarks, “What the stuff is the point?”’. There was a picture on the paper, of the latest science expo called by Finn’s dear friend (and rather more) Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum, supreme leader of the Candy Kingdom and creator of the Candy People; Bubblegum herself was standing before a number of her fellow heroes-of-science, and cheerfully speaking to the interview people. Finn hadn’t paid too much attention, because so much of it went right over his head, but the article said something about Bubblegum discovering a latent energy produced by thinking beings called ‘spiral energy’ (so called because it typically took the form of spiral-like shapes), which was the key to unlimited power and possibly immortality. She had proven this by absorbing a massive amount of candy bio-mass (and Candy People, the remnants of which were wandering around in the photo looking dazed but pleased for some reason) to maximize her basic output level. This had the effect of making her grow incredibly huge; Finn had met the reporters in the photo a few times, and he’d been dwarfed by them, but Bubblegum was more than half-again as big as the very largest of them, a Candy Person giantess. Her figure reminded Finn a lot of Susan Strong, as big and curvy and sweetly large it was (though her muscles had merely become bulky and not defined at all).
Finn hadn’t seen her since the experiment, but he’d been staring at this photo ever since he’d read it; his lovely Candy Princess was just so big now. He doubted if he’d even come up to her mid-thigh (which, come to think of it, looking incredibly round and thick in the picture; Finn was swooning a bit). He smiled dopily at the thought of her being so massive.
…He missed Bubblegum. He hadn’t seen her in way too long, and he’d gotten a few messages from her asking where he was, and to come see her soon.
“Finn?” Beemo asked. “Are you thinking about Princess Bubblegum again?”
Finn giggled. “Yep!”
Beemo was silent, for a moment. In recent times, Finn, Bubblegum, Marceline the Vampire Queen and the Flame Princess (the newest addition to their family) had taken to an… unusual romantic arrangement. They all and went with each other as if all of them were boyfriends and girlfriends in a four-way romance; sexuality and love all together, without regard for gender or age (as was the norm in Ooo). Sometimes Finn would go for the night with Bubblegum, and then spend a day hanging out with Marceline and then sleep in her bed as Flame Princess joined him, or Bubblegum doing the same thing, or all four of them together at the same time.
He blushed at the thought; Finn loved those times a lot.
“If you are bored and lonely,” Finn said slowly, as if thinking. “You should go find your best friends.”
“Oh?” Beemo said.
“…Bubblegum, Flame Princess and Marcy are my best friends!” Finn declared. “I should go find them and hang out! And… uh, do stuff!” He giggled nervously. “Whatever they’re up for! Beemo! Do you know where they are right now!”
Beemo had taken to being something like Finn’s secretary; if someone called to alert Finn, Beemo remembered and told Finn. “Flame Princess is busy today; she is trying to max out her alignment points and shift herself more towards Good by reconstituting the flame cats she has created!”
“Huh?”
“Flame Princess is busy being good and doing nice things for no reason.”
“Oh. …Aw! Well, not so bad, I mean, ‘least she’s not listening to her dad and burning the Goblin Kingdom down again. What about Marcy?”
“She is off in another land, for a heavy metal ‘The Best of Olden Ages’ showdown!”
“Dang it!” Finn was starting to panic now. All his friends were busy… “And Peebs?!”
Beemo brightened up. “She is still in the Candy Kingdom, attending a party!”
Finn grinned. “Awesome! She’s still around! We can hang out and junk! Awesome!” He did a fist pump. “Where is it!”
Beemo told him, and paused. “Ah, there is a problem, Finn.”
Finn paused in mid-pump. “What’s that?”
“It is a special party. One just for mighty heroines, magical ladies, royal princesses and women of all sorts. And women alone!”
“Wait, can you try again? I was staring at that dancing bug out there.” Finn pointed at a large beetle shaking it’s thorax all over the place out the window.
“…Bubblegum is attending a women’s-only party,” Beemo said.
“Oh. Oh! Mang! That sucks!” Finn sat down again, grumbling. “Total suckage man! Way to leave me out of the fun.” He paused for a moment. He tapped a finger to his cheek. “Hmm. Funny… ‘women’s-only’, huh? Do they, like, I don’t know… check to see first?” He gestured vaguely at his pants.
Beemo giggled. “Oh no! If you look the part, and can make it work, they should let you in- oh! Finn, what are you thinking?”
Finn said nothing for a moment. He looked at his hands, at himself.
(His hands were so delicate and small for a boy’s, Bubblegum had once said while kissing the joints on every finger.)
(His body was so plump and sweet, Bubblegum had once remarked, and squeezed the chub on his sides until her fingers sank into his flesh and he nearly cried out. She had relented and pulled him into her own softness, squeezing him tight between her legs. And, with her hands, explored the inches of his hips; he was even a little curvy, Bubblegum had whispered and giggled all in one breath.)
(He wasn’t handsome but he was so blessedly beautiful, Bubblegum had sworn as she traced one finger along the fullness of his womanly lips, and with small gentle kisses, marked each feature of his face that caught her attention, naming its virtues and how lovely he was, and why they made him so beautiful. His nose was squashed and sweet like a fruit – kiss – his cheeks were big and plump – kiss – his hair so soft and good – a kiss, and sniffing his hair for good measure – and he would have made such a lovely girl, and a final deep, lingering kiss.)
Finn touched his lips, a memory of phantom kisses on him, and smirked thoughtfully.
“They just have to think I’m a girl!” He said.
“What?” Beemo said.
Finn said, “Beemo, to the girl’s stuff in my closest!”
Beemo said, “You keep girl’s stuff in your closest?”
“Hey, you never know when you gotta disguise yourself as a girl, and then who’s prepared, huh?”

Near the outskirts of the Candy Kingdom, there was a club.
A fairly respectable club, at that, in the sort of way where seriously weird and slightly bizarre affairs were established and carried out (the Candy Kingdom being very permissive, even by the decidedly liberal standards of Ooo), and presently host to various numbers of extra-national parties and friendly meetings between ambassadors and traveling dignitaries.
The streets were fairly busy at this time, daylight still high and free lighting the semi-reflective surfaces of the candy bio-mass coated buildings: light shining off them in refracted colors, red and purple and gold mixing with the colors of the buildings themselves, so that it was almost like walking through a pleasantly dimmed light-show.
(It was a suitable metaphor; the Candy Kingdom was a virtually oasis of scientific knowledge, freedom and easy-going virtue. That light should so freely shine on its very buildings and anoint the people of it was only natural.)
The club was a circle-shaped, it’s ceiling a high dome, windows open everywhere save on the private rooms of the highest levels. Above the other buildings it rose slightly, like a friendly-looking mushroom just barely over the mass of peaceful fungi it resided in; glistening candy-matter coated its circular walls in intricate spirals and twisted down into mirrored whorls towards the ground, reflecting the image of everyone walking by, spreading out and outlining a welcoming sign of the club’s name: ‘ELYSIUM’. Below this (and mirroring about six other signs all around the property) was a sign that said ‘Ladies only tonight! Dudes, you’re outta luck!’ and a small apologetic smiley-face.
Below this was the entrance, a salvaged old-world revolving door mechanism, discovered and restored by an enterprising archeologist and his engineer buddy, donated to the Supremely Awesome Primary University of the Candy Kingdom; it had trickled its way past interested scholars and researchers and mechanists just itching to reproduce it, and finally had wound up in the personal collection of Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum herself; when the opportunity to finance a club where fun and free love was the theme and all manner of friendly pleasures could be pursued in mutually interested company (all devised by the Princess’ particular definition of virtue, which basically boiled down to ‘what doesn’t hurt anyone and just feels right’ without much regard for social mores, which Ooo was already extremely lax with), she’d donated the revolving door as a symbol of the old world giving rise to the wonderful freedom of Ooo… or something like that, she’d actually been really bored and just thought the door would look neat and came up with a semi-philosophical excuse that happened to sound good.
(She’d been so embarrassed at the next Finn And Jake Friend Party, which she’d decided Finn and their friends needed to have at least once a month because Finn and Jake had a horrible tendency to wander off and get into trouble for months at a time; Marceline kept poking fun at her for it, and Flame Princess had innocently asked what went on in there, and how beautifully red Bubblegum had gotten over it!)
In lieu of getting anyone to do real work, a rotating lottery had gone around the club before Ladies’ Night had opened, and the one who’d drawn the ticket to be the pusher (like a bouncer, but they didn’t shove as hard) for the night was an amiable frost giant named Gunter; pleasantly chubby, twice the size and width of a man (And to have trouble fitting through the door), and so feminine in appearance that he was rather curvy. It was a pleasant break for him in the midst of shyly trying to ward off suitors, and he got a nice suit of it. (Because while Princess Bubblegum enjoyed liberty, she expected certain conventions, and one of them was that bouncers wore nice suits; logically, she made the rules of Elysium.)
“Welcome in, welcome to the party!” He said, waving in the rather silent and stern Huntress Wizard. “Good day, your majesty!” He said to Hot Dog Princess as she ambled on in, giggling at his gentlemanliness.
A floating purple lumpy-thing with a star on her head flew in. “Hey, you there, let me in, I’m totally invited and junk.”
Gunter blinked. “…This is a ladies only party.”
“Yeah!” scoffed Lumpy Space Princess.” I’m a lady, now move over!”
He frowned. “You sure?”
“Gosh, yeah!” Lumpy Space Princess said, hovering wildly and starting to lose her temper. “I’m, like, totally on the list! …You got a list, right? You gotta have a list! What kind of exclusive club doesn’t have a list with me on it?! That’s, like, going against all the rules! You’re a lousy bouncer!”
“I am not!” Gunter said, straightening his back and scowling as fiercely as he could. “I’m keeping you out, aren’t I?”
Lumpy Space Princess gasped. She gasped again. And then she gasped so hard she almost fainted and bounced off the ground. “Ow! Like, so messed up, mang!” She waved her arms in Gunter’s general direction.
“Look, …uh, ‘lady’, I don’t think-“ Gunter started to say.
“Hey hey hey!” A new voice said from somewhere around Gunter’s knee. Another person had come up through the crowd while he’d been arguing with Lumpy Space Princess, and now the absolute prettiest looking girl he’d ever seen was standing in front of him; she was a chubby teenager, maybe a bit on the younger side (and, Gunter thought, a bit small in the chest area) and charmingly short. A cute little bonnet parked on top of an amazingly lovely stream of blond hair wobbled dangerously as this young lady shook a fist as Gunter. She shuffled around, a hand on her wide hips and a pretty white dress swinging around (like she had no idea how to wear it) awkwardly. Frills and lace and little belts holding more delicate extensions of elaborate cloth in unusual ways swung here and there, with so much mass near the bottom and rather spare at her top, giving her an extremely exaggerated pear-shaped frame in the dress. That she had a cutely rounded body certainly didn’t hurt.
Lovely blue eyes glared at the frost giant, though she wasn’t even a third his size. The girl crossed her arms, full and lovely lips parting in a unexpectedly ferocious scowl of such incredible bloodlust that Gunter stepped back right into the door. The girl wiped a long bit of hair out of her eyes, neat frilly gloves rustling with her movements. “Are you not letting my friend in!?” She demanded, putting her fists on her hips.
“Friend?” Lumpy Space Princess looked at the new girl. She tilted herself around and suddenly gasped.
“You know this… person?” Gunter the frost giant said to the lovely blonde girl.
“Yeah, Lumpy Space Princess is my friend! And totes a good lady!” The girl shook her hand. “Now let us in!”
“Oh my gosh,” Lumpy Space Princess said. “FI-“
“Fionna!” The girl said quickly. “Yeah. That’s me.”
“…I dunno, you don’t look tall or curvy enough to be a Fionna,” Gunter said, squinting. “No offense!”
“Hmph!” ‘Fionna’ said. “Are you letting us in or not?!”
“Oh, okay, okay!” Gunter said, stepping away and turning to deal with the rest of the line, who were getting very annoyed over having to wait so long because of Lumpy Space Princess’ dubious gender.
‘Fionna’ and Lumpy Space Princess hurried through the door; ‘Fionna’ got her dress almost snagged in the revolving door and had to be helped through.
She stumbled and went ‘neat!’ at the inside of the club; they went past the doors, through a pair of magical detectors that sensed hostile intentions (if you came in here to hurt anyone, such as in the case of an assassin or hit man, they detected it at once and Gunter was to come in and smash you flat) and beyond there was a small lobby, and a grand open space of milling party-goers, and lovely music singing out-
Lumpy Space Princess grabbed her friend and shook her by the shoulders, dragging her out into that space, knocking a few people out of her way. “Move it! Get out of my way! Coming through, major hotness coming through, and me too! Gang way, gang way, and tell me who came up with saying ‘gang way’, I don’t even know what that means!”
They pushed dozens of people out of the way, entering the main space of the club; ‘Fionna’ looked in awe at the size of the place, a great circular chamber lit with golden lights and brighter areas at the upraised dance floors, all arranged around a grand black monolith set directly in the center of the floor. Princess Bubblegum had found it and brought it here, setting it up and discovering that while it may have given rise to sentient and sapient life, it was also quite fine at transmitting music; the DJ sitting on top of it pumped his music into it, and it sang through the room in soothing tones that went right to the brain.
Lumpy Space Princess and her friend went to the more isolated sides of the room; above them there were countless levels, the top ones above them with big holes over the dance level and walled off so people could look down and cavort freely and watch the dancers, and above them the levels were closed off for people seeking more… private entertainments with each other or hold secret meetings or host shipping conventions.
These upper levels were accessed by stairways and elevators set into the walls and foundations of the very building, and had been specifically built to create rather lovely shadowed areas to contrast the bright lights of the club. It was here that Lumpy Space Princess dragged ‘Fionna’, pulling the slightly larger human behind her while the girl cried about how hard it was to walk in these stupid heels, how did girls even handle it, and pulled her out of sight.
Under a staircase, well out of sight, Lumpy Space Princess made quite sure that no one was around, glancing around suspiciously. As ‘Fionna’ was looking awkward and glancing around hopefully for a sight of pink, Lumpy Space Princess grabbed her by the shoulders and furiously whispered, “Oh my gawsh, Finn!”
Finn, though doing an extremely respectable job of looking like a girl, went crestfallen. “Lumpy Space Princess, you knew?”
“Duh, Finn, you’re like my friend, of course I saw right through it! I mean, gosh, you look so much like a girl anyway, you hardly look any different.”
Finn didn’t know if he was sure to be upset by this or not. “Aw,” He said. “But, the dress! The hat! The little accessories! I even found girl underwear-“
“Dang it, Finn, I totes don’t need to know!” She put her hands over the sides of her body. “La la la! Not hearing you, totally not hearing a little bit of your gross-ness!”
“But there’s lots of cool stuff in gross-ness. Marcy teaches me and Flame Princess all about that stuff!”
Lumpy Space Princess dropped her hands, forgot about pretending to be deaf, and gasped. “OH. MY. GOSH.”
“Yeah, she teaches us about how like twenty-four is a gross of things,” Finn said.
“…Aw! I thought it was, like, something about TOUCHING AND JUNK.”
“Oh, she teaches me and Flame Princess about that stuff too,” Finn said nonchalantly. “She likes to grow tentacles and like get on us and start like ravaging me and junk.” He giggled happily. “It’s fun!”
She looked like she was about to faint. “Oh. My. GOSH.”
“But it’s way more fun when Peebles is there too,” Finn said. He smiled dreamily.
“GOSH. Just, ALL THE GOSH. Is it true about you and PB and Marceline and Flame Princess? Are you guys, like…” Lumpy Space Princess made a gesture that somehow managed to indicate romantic together-ness and sexual relations and more things besides.
Finn thought for a moment. He nodded. “Yeah!”
Lumpy Space Princess fist-pumped the air. “I KNEW IT! Oh yeah! LUMPY SPACE PRINCESS WINS ALL THE THINGS!”
“Neat,” Finn said. “I got things to do, so…” He scooted away.”
“Nuh-uh!” Lumpy Space Princess grabbed him. “The stuff are you doing here anyway?”
Finn pouted. “I heard Princess Bubblegum was hanging out here, so I decided to sneak and hang out with her.”
“You cross-dressed to sneak into a party just because you wanted to hang with your girlfriend?”
“Yep!” Finn said. Technically, he had several girlfriends, but he didn’t see the point in arguing about it.
Lumpy Space Princess
She paused. “Where’d you find lady underwear? Did you just go to the store and buy a pair? ‘Cause that’s totally gross.”
“Psh, nah,” Finn said indifferently. “Marcy’s like, super-accommodating.”
Lumpy Space Princess stared. “She gave ya her underwear for disguises and stuff?”
“Super-accommodating.”
“That’s actually kind of hot, maybe. I don’t know, I’m not sure if I wanna commit one way or the other.”
Finn puffed a cheek out. His brow furrowed in thought for a moment, and he carefully said, “Girls think guys dressing up as girls is… hot?”
Lumpy Space Princess seemed interested at his thoughtful tone of voice. She raised her hand airily, pushing aside an imaginary shawl (because she hadn’t brought one, but coquettish young ladies were supposed to do that kind of thing and she decided she wanted to be coquettish even if she and Bubblegum weren’t entirely sure when they’d ran across it last week). “Depends on the boy.”
Finn’s brow furrowed a bit more. Then he brightened. “Well, Peebee and Marcy and Eff-Pee-“
“Who?”
“Flame Princess.” Finn considered. “I need to find a better nickname for her. It probably wouldn’t translate too well to written stuff anyway, at least that grammatically correct junk Peebee likes.”
“You were saying something before that?” Lumpy Space Princess prompted.
“Oh! Anyway, my lady-buds think I look super-cute and good-looking and hot like a girl!” He was suddenly self-conscious. “That’s good… right?”
Lumpy Space Princess stared blankly at him. “…Yeah, Finn. It totes is good.” She stared at Finn, a bit lost in staring at how hot he was. “…Glob, definitely hot…
Finn preened in the attention. “Hee, hee! Thanks, mang! Uh, lady.” He smiled. “Say, you know these parties pretty good, right?”
Lumpy Space Princess shook herself. “Huh?”
“These parties,” Finn said patiently. “You know how they work, right? How to find or get to certain people, right?”
“Sure,” Lumpy Space Princess said. “Why? Who do ya wanna get to?” She thought for a moment, remembered what Finn had said earlier. “…Oh.”
Finn nodded excitedly. Lumpy Space Princess thought for a moment, and explained her plan to Finn.

Princess Bubblegum enjoyed parties in general, but honestly large gathering of people that she either barely knew or didn’t know at all made her very edgy.
“…So then I said, “I have no idea where the hamster-llama got the chainsaw’, and that’s how I spent my first twenty-five years in prison,” a rainicorn said, chuckling to herself.
Bubblegum was good at pretending to be interested in things, and she smiled even though she was so terribly bored. “Yes,” she said. “I see!”
She was stuck in a gathering of people who fancied themselves scientists and diplomats and generally believed that they were ‘important people’. She had to restrain from rolling her eyes; real scientists and diplomats didn’t hang around high-society functions every single day like she knew these people did, they actually did work (just like Bubblegum herself did, and she had fun with it). Then again, she supposed that some of them were diplomats, but didn’t take the job seriously. She didn’t blame them; politics was stupidly-boring.
“Pardon me, Candy Princess,” a rather snooty ogre said, elbowing her none too gently. She frowned; this lady had been following her for hours constantly pestering her for no reason she could understand. “I’m doing a report on your lovely kingdom, and I must ask something…”
“Ah, I don’t suppose it could wait?”
“Certainly not! I wish to know, how precisely does your kingdom handle capital punishment when it becomes necessary?”
“Wait, what? When did this come up… oh, I prefer rehabilitation than simply killing, it’s far more efficient and useful to the kingdom!” She considered, giving several candy people there a significant look. They glanced at her, realized where she was going, and abruptly fled. “And should it become necessary to dispose of them-“
“Yes?” The ogre interrupted.
Princess Bubblegum gave her most charming and dangerous smile. “I eat the criminals,” she said brightly. She patted herself on the hip, her tremendous dress shifting with the motion.
The ogre blanched. She stared at Bubblegum’s great stature, her outrageously full figure, and took a few steps back. “Ah, thank you,” she said, looking awkward, and retreating some more.
“You’re welcome!” Bubblegum said brightly as the ogress fled. She waited, and then sighed in relief, still surrounded by boring people she didn’t know. She preferred Finn’s parties, small and fun and just their friends… she ached a little, thinking of Finn. “Glob, I miss my Finny…”
Several more people converged around her, bright and sunny faces, and Bubblegum smiled to see that they were girls from the local Church of Glob. She leaned over to chat with them, though they were understandably nervous due to her ‘solving unrepentant villains by eating them’ comment. She blushed, embarrassed.
Eventually the girls wandered off, and she became aware of some people ooh-ing and aww-ing over a lovely young lady in a very fancy dress (and it looked rather familiar, both dress and the girl) being led around by Lumpy Space Princess, moving through the crowd with her usual total lack of courtesy. She winced as Lumpy Space Princess shoved her way through the crowd, knocking down people left and right, leaving the girl to mutter apologies in an oddly high voice, shuffling after Lumpy Space Princess.
“C’mere!” Lumpy Space Princess said, grabbing Princess Bubblegum’s wrist and dragging her away.
“Okay. G’bye, everybody!” Bubblegum said cheerfully.
Lumpy Space Princess dragged her a short way, and when Bubblegum finally was let go somewhere in a space where there weren’t many people around, she saw the lovely girl that had come with LUMPY SPACE PRINCESS walking to them, and she giggled at the girl’s exaggerated swaying walk, like her hips were on opposite ends of a swiveling board.
“Welp, I found this total cutie,” Lumpy Space Princess said, pushing the girl to Bubblegum. “And I thought, ‘yep, Peebee needs to meet this cutie! And do stuff to her body, probably’.”
Bubblegum flushed. “Don’t be so indelicate!”
“Lumpy Space Princess !” The new girl wailed, blushing so brightly it looked painful. Bubblegum frowned, that looked a little familiar, actually.
“Meh.” Lumpy Space Princess shrugged. “You girls have fun.”
Lumpy Space Princess gave the new girl another push, forcing her right in front of Bubblegum, and then she wandered off. Lumpy Space Princess gave them a last look, and then openly made a thumbs-up at the two girls before floating away.
There was silence, for a long moment.
“I do apologize for my friend,” Bubblegum said. “She is, shall we say, very straightforward.” She giggled.
The new girl blushed, staring at the ground and suddenly so self-conscious Bubblegum was inclined to hug her and tell her it would all be okay. “I-I know,” she stammered.
Bubblegum patted her on the shoulder. “What’s your name?”
The girl shyly looked up, and Bubblegum gasped at how gorgeous she was. Full and plump cheeks almost baby-like in their roundness, a gently curved jawline coming to the barest of tips… a hook-shaped nose that looked like it had been broken a few times, and it accentuated her features nicely. A pair of wide blue eyes, soft and warm as the sea on a hot day, stared lovingly up to Bubblegum’s face as though enraptured, and thick blonde hair fell down over narrow shoulders with quite a bit of attractive muscle under the softness.
“I’m… I’m Fionna,” the girl said, more than a little too quickly, shifting back and forth in front of her.
The girl, nearly half Bubblegum’s size, was almost heartbreakingly vulnerable looking. And she was so very adorable looking, Bubblegum wanted to see how those lips tasted, so full and sweet and slightly moist where her pink tongue kept licking them. ‘Fionna’, and Bubblegum suspected that perhaps this girl wasn’t being entirely honest, dared to peer up at her, and thick silky locks fell back in a way that was suddenly so familiar-
She knew that hair, she realized, and examined the girl’s features with an intensity that plainly frightened the girl. She saw the scar on the jawline (wincing at the thought), the specific breaks in the nose, how well the dress was worn despite not being entirely suited to this body type, and suddenly it was all perfectly plain to her, information digested and processed and the inevitable truth made plain to her.
Bubblegum’s hand was already moving, and just barely edged against a loose hair, and she already knew that it would be strong and silky to the tough ever before her finger moved against it, tucking it back into place.
She knew that face. A beautiful face, womanly and so pretty it almost hurt to see it, and when Bubblegum smiled, the ‘girl’ smiled too, and the teeth in that mouth were a bit jagged and broken, several even missing and making cute gaps in the smile.
Without thinking, Bubblegum licked her lips. Well, well, she thought, the party had gotten boring and already here was a lovely distraction, descended from the Grasslands to play for a while. How fortunate, indeed! “You know,” she said, voice sultry and strong. “You’re a very lovely person, my dear.”
‘Fionna’ giggled. “Th-thank you, Princess Bubblegum.”
Bubblegum stretched. “I am feeling restless,” she said, and restless was not the word, she knew. She was feeling… frustrated, in sexual ways. She was feeling needful, like she had an itch to scratch and the only one who could help her was small and young and blonde and… oh, she saw no reason to be coy, she was feeling horny.
Bubblegum grinned, her hands clasping together before her. Today was turning out quite interesting indeed.
Without warning, Bubblegum placed her hand against the young beauty’s cheek, so familiar and sweet, the jawline totally hairless and soft against her gel-like flesh, and ‘Fionna’ groaned softly as Bubblegum caressed, tongue nearly poking over the lips. “I am feeling up for some interesting activity,” Bubblegum said, suddenly forceful. “You will accompany me!”
Her hand grabbed the slim wrist gloved in a long white glove. “Oh! Yuh-yes, Princess!” The small blonde swallowed, looking anxious.
Bubblegum winked. “It’ll be fun! Trust me!” Feeling a little daring, she rocked her hips towards the girl. “Hee, hee… I do hope your body is ready, mine certainly is!
Looking suddenly panicky at what Bubblegum plainly had in mind, ‘Fionna’ tried to pull away. Bubblegum held on hard, just enough to show how strong she was without causing pain, and she still felt small bones grinding under her strong fingers. ‘Fionna’ cried out quietly, a small and brief sound, and Bubblegum whispered apologies. “Just trust me,” she said, in a more intimate tone than a stranger to the situation would deem fitting.
The lovely human swallowed. “Yes, princess! I’m sorry!”
Bubblegum tilted her head. “For what?”
“…For making you hurt me…”
Bubblegum sighed; she really would have to work that personality flaw for her little lover her, that tendency to think of every situation as a reason for martyring was worrying. “Fear not, it was only an accident. Now, hee, hee, and I seriously do not mean a dirty joke by this… come!”
“Oh.. okay!” ‘Fionna’ let ‘herself’ get dragged behind Bubblegum as the Candy Princess moved purposefully to the stairs… to the bedrooms. ‘She’ gulped, realizing what this meant. For a moment, the young human looked anxiously at the many people of the party who turned to gape at Princess Bubblegum as she passed with her new entertainment for the evening, moving purposefully to the stairs and the bedrooms; perhaps ‘she’ hoped for rescue, or more likely was simply wondering what they thought. Most whistled cheerfully or gave Bubblegum some kind of encouragement. A few gave sad grins at the ‘girl’, for they knew of Bubblegum’s decidedly ravenous sexual appetite and the certain exhaustion (if not outright injury, in the case of those too weak to withstand her great strength and endurance) awaiting her poor lover of the night.
‘Fionna’ gulped as Bubblegum dragged ‘her’ up the stairs, moving intently until Bubblegum located a soundproof door and pushed her new lover into it. The young human stumbled the dress, shoes tangling in it for a moment while Bubblegum locked the door.
The room was small, and not much more than a placeholder for the bed a short distance from them. Bubblegum looked intently there, and then focused on the short and beautiful human, and licked her lips. “You came at the… perfect time,” she said, and sighed. “I’ve been feeling quite lonely.”
She advanced upon her human; her hips swayed, and there was a hungry expression on her face. Her thick arms went down, and out, perhaps for a hug, perhaps to throw her human against the wall and take what she wanted. Again Bubblegum licked her lips, and she looked so hungry.
“But, wait, Peebee!” ‘Fionna ‘squealed as Bubblegum advanced, looming closer and closer with each precise step. Through the modest slits running up to her mid-thigh, the thick and powerful expanse of her broad legs flexed, a powerful tension rippling through her, almost as if it were visible heat. ‘Fionna’ retreated, the frilly feminine dress tangling around ‘her’ legs and the long white lady-gloves starting to wrinkle with palm-sweat.
Bubblegum inhaled deeply, lustfully; she could taste the fear, and the desire underneath it, and it felt so good.
Her target, her lover, her human bumped right into a wall. Still Bubblegum kept coming closer, intent on claiming her prize. “I-it’s me!” The blonde hero cried, trembling fiercely and abandoning the ruse. “Finn!”
A pink finger touched his lips, silencing him. “Oh, Finny,” Bubblegum said, chuckling warmly. “Do you really think wearing a dress and all these lovely frilly things is really going to keep me from recognizing you?” She smiled. “I do appreciate it though. Going to all this just to see me.” Another smile, that shook him to his core. “I missed you so!”
“You… you knew it was me?” Finn said, eyes wide.
She chuckled and her flesh shook, sub-dermal ripples winding out from her core. A trickle of pink fluid – like slime but not quite, thicker and moving and alive, pressed against Finn’s skin again and again, making little sucking noise and somehow kissing him – fell on his face from her hand.
Her hands ducked low, grabbing under his shoulders and pulling him up. “Oh, you didn’t fool me for a second,” Bubblegum murmured, pushing him against the wall and moving in, her whole body soon grinding against him, and then her lips felt so warm on him, as she encapsulated the whole of his face in her mouth, a deep and totally mind-warping kiss. Finn squealed and she giggled into him, and kissed him again.
“Ah… ah!” Finn mumbled into her mouth, his arms moving over her strong shoulders and around her neck in a suddenly fierce hug. “Peebee… Peebee!” Her tongue moved against his face, hungry and needful, so this was what he kissed; his lips pressed against her tongue, softly and shyly at first but growing more bold as she hummed in approval and humped her massive hips against his smaller body. Finn’s lips parted to admit her tongue and it slid across his teeth and docked against his own tongue, tasting his mouth, and too many hours spent in dull conversation with wannabe-intellectuals and gold diggers intending on getting into either her revenue or her pants spent itself in several intense moment of fevered passion, her hand moving against his bunched up dress and onto the reassuring solidness of his knee. It was small but sturdy, scarred and scabbed, and it felt so calming to feel something so weathered from years of war against evil.
“My boy,” she cooed. “My crusader!” She kissed him again, hotter and hungrier than before.
Finn’s cry was muffled by her tongue, and her large breasts pressed against his torso, spreading happily up and squashing over the whole of his chest. Bubblegum voiced her approval, a wordless and distinctly female sound, and Finn squirmed bashfully as her hand slid up, fingers trailing lovingly up his meaty and thick leg, sliding inward along his thigh, moving up and up, to where she expected to find either nothing at all or boy-briefs.
She gasped, breaking the kiss, as her palm pressed against the fine fabric hugging Finn where his thighs met his hips. Her hand moved gently across his groin, and Finn cried softly as she forcefully pressed her hand against the bulge of his penis and testicles. She stuck her tongue out teasingly, and felt up more of his body there. “Finn!” She said excitedly. “You’re wearing panties!”
“Yes!” Finn wailed, eyes screwed up and face colored by a fascinatedly dark blush. “Yes! I am! Why do girls keep freaking out over that! First Lumpy Space Princess and now- OH GLOB!” He screamed as she moved her palm over his flaccid penis under the panties, one of her fingers slipping under teasingly. “Peebee… PEEBEE!”
He screamed so loud and sweet. She giggled in delight. “It’s cute when a boy wears girly clothes,” she said. “It’s hard to put into words, but oh, it’s just so…”
She squeezed him again, the fleshy part of her thumb pressing against his testicles while two of her fingers pinched against the bulge of his penis, and gave just a certain amount of pressure.
“…Yummy,” Bubblegum finished as Finn squealed uncontrollably, small tears slicking down the sides of his face. Mercifully, she removed her hand from his groin and moved up, pressing her hand against his navel and squashing into his plump and soft belly gently.
Finn panted, hard and quick and just like she liked. “Peebee,” he whimpered, so red in the face that she was compelled to kiss him once on either cheek, and she giggled at how he nearly swooned in her arms.
Gracefully she picked him up, cradling him in her arms. Finn obligingly curled up against her, and he was so close to her that she felt his heart beating faster and faster. “Finn,” Bubblegum said, hitching him up a little. “Thank you for coming down here! I-“ She stopped, giggling. “I was really missing you! I’ve been feeling so…” she laughed this time, not a giggle but a cheerful laugh. “Well, hah, needy. I do love your…” she gave him a kiss. “Your body!” She might have said that she simply couldn’t get enough of his lovely body, that these nights of just them exploring each other and having sexual experimentation, but she felt that was going too far for poor blushy Finn.
Finn smiled nervously. “Really?”
“Oh, yes!” She kissed him again. Now, it was far too late for him, and with all the confident grace of a predator about to tuck down into a meal too urgent to be devoured but had to be gulped down in a single swallow, she settled Finn down onto the bed. She grinned as Finn’s eyes went wide with the certain knowledge of what was coming for him now.
“Peebee!” Finn cried as she rounded the bed, and it creaked under her wait. “Wait!”
She tilted her head, grinning as she crawled to him, still looming over him. “No more wait,” she said, quick and gusty, like wind blowing over the mouth of a cave. “Sexy times now!”
“Eek!” Finn squealed as she pounced upon him, and the breath was knocked out of him by her sheer wait, and her huge thighs clamped eagerly upon his hips and squeezed. Finn squealed at the pressure, and again when she boldly rammed her hips against his body, her groin rolling into his own, and he gasped as their genitals made contact even through their dress and undergarments.
Bubblegum pressed her full weight into him again. She purred happily. “You feel so nice, my little Finny. Please be my bed-buddy tonight?”
Finn whimpered, swallowed and with a little enthusiasm he dared to say, “O-okay, Peebee!”
She giggled happily, squatting up just enough to peel her dress off, layers of clothing coming off as she flexed and maneuvered her way out of her clothing. Finn gasped when she threw it aside, her thickly built and fantastically curvaceous body wearing only a modest bra (though perhaps not too modest, with the largeness of the breasts it supported) and unusual underwear that looked quite a lot like boy-shorts, but a bit too slim for that.
She purred happily, struck by how sweet the situation was, her boy all in feminine clothes and a dress while she was nearly naked, and in boy-shorts. (Sort of.)
The clasp to her bra was on her front. Without much fanfare, she snapped it right off, and squirmed as the cold air met her newly exposed breasts. Finn stared, in awe, as her breasts fell slightly and she discarded her bra, cupping herself shyly and pink flesh overflowing her fingers, ample softness dimpling over her slim fingers. Bubblegum shivered. “OH my, that’s cold! I really should talk to someone about the air in here…” Finn still stared, lips spreading wide in a childlike grin at her. Bubblegum glanced down at him and smiled proudly, noticing the effect she had on him as she felt the stirrings of an erection from him. She let go of herself, and as Finn stared longer, she gently grabbed one of his hands and placed it upon the underside of her right breast. Finn gasped, eyes wide, and Bubblegum bashfully said, “I really do love you, you know.”
His hand sank in, her breast far larger than his hand could grip, or even both his hands, and she trembled with a smile at how warm and friendly his hand felt on her, her heart beating several beats faster than normal. Her mouth felt dry, and heat bloomed in her lower belly, her thigh muscles loosening more than a little. Pink flesh bloomed red around his small hand, swelling slightly over his fingers, and squashed with a faint wetness on his skin, as if her entire body longed to engulf him, to surround him, to consume him.
With a smile. Bubblegum settled her weight squarely on him, straddling her boy, and she rocked gently into his erection, gasping and squirming into it. Finn cried out, his hips rocking against her, but she was larger and on top, she was stronger, she was in control. Grinning again, a sense of power and dominance blooming and fueling her excitement, she wiggled around and around, sliding powerfully against his erect penis through his panties, and her hands reached down to grab his dress and pull it up, revealing the wonderful blue-gray panties he was wearing, and the small but perfectly lovely bulge there. She humped into him, grunting with need, and Finn cried out again and again with each little wriggle, and slowly but surely her boy-shorts were coming off.
Pink appeared, the cloth crescent of her boy-shorts coming away, and with a powerful thrust of her large backside, she pulled completely out of them. “Ah!” she said, feeling that they were getting somewhere. Totally unwilling to turn back now, and hoping Finn felt the same, she reached down, her hair falling over Finn and forming little hungry tubes sucking hopefully at him, and her fingers took hold of his panties and pulled.
Like an inquisitive little mole coming out of the sand, his fully erect penis appeared as she forcefully shoved his panties all the way down to his knees, so hard that Finn cried out in pain. She winced, leaning down to kiss him on the lips to make it better. Her lips pried his mouth open, and he went still as her lips suckled against his mouth, pressing hard and firm, and when they parted, softened into sweet gentleness. She tried to apologize to Finn for hurting him, but she was too intent on claiming his little body to stay restrained for long.
He was leaning up again, so she pushed him down once more, her hands finding his shoulders and forcing him onto the bed until he lay flat on his back. Bubblegum straddled him in full again, her breasts hanging over him and she felt so deliciously open, so naked and exposed before her boy, and the intimacy was… well, it made her feel adventurous. She shivered and wished she could have the opportunity to do this every day.
Her vagina opened, labia brushed against the glans of his penis before swallowing it, and she gently took his penis into her before powerful internal muscles squeezed around him and he gasped in shock. If she had hurt him there, now here was the balm, the perfect medicine, the heat of her body to sooth away his pain… that likely made little sense, but she was too dizzy with lust to really pay attention to that sort of thing. Her thighs relaxed, her muscles softened, and he squealed aloud when she closed her vaginal muscles against him like a vise again, again and again in rapid succession.
He was just too inexperienced to deal with it. She would teach him well, she vowed.
Finn squealed and cried, loud and long, but mostly just loud. She giggled at the effect she had on him, rocking against his body, her own body rippling like gelatin in an earthquake, soft flesh and powerful muscles moving in concert in an determined strike upon all of Finn’s awareness as a sexual being.
Bubblegum moved hard, and she moved fast, and Finn soon fell into her motion, his hips working back and forth as he threatened to pull out of her before moving back in again. Her hips tightened, and she growled furiously as he teased her. “No!” she said as she felt him less and less inside her, leaving her intolerably unfulfilled. “What? No, no, NO!” It was a roar, a senseless snarl, and angling her knees downward she forced Finn’s lower body off the bed and suspended between her legs, the flesh of her thighs spilling over him.
“S-s-sorry, Princess!” Finn screamed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“
Her head cleared as she squeezed him, drawing him fully into her and she did so as gently and lovingly as she could. “Don’t! She gasped. “You’re learning! Good! Good boy, good Finn, good Finny!”
Finn just squealed as she bore down on him, excited beyond reason by this. Any smidgen of self-control she had left fell away from her in that moment, and as the ravenous sexual core of Bubblegum melted away his composure, Finn just cried as he thrusted into her, again and again, as she did much the same to him, the two of them matching and countering rhythm in instinct and experience, moving fast and hard.
She was perfect, she was so soft and so sweet, and he felt himself moving even deeper into her as something strange happened to her body, her flesh turning translucent and slick like a slime person, almost transparent in places. Finn made a startled noise as gel-flesh splattered against his groin, and he made it louder when it pulled, incredible force sucking away at his penis, forcing him deeper and deeper into his darling Princess Bubblegum.
“Come on!” She said. “Come on, come on!” She was almost pleading now, and there was also great enthusiasm, like they were on an adventure and climbing a mountain and she was just so eager to get him to the top with her.
Her body sucked at him, transmuting into something more goo-like than usual. Finn’s groin and most of his lower body, especially his hips, was forced into her, sucked up and devoured by her ravenous sex, and they squealed as one with the delightful friction of his more solid body and her increasingly liquid-like one, and Finn thrust more powerfully into her, coming deeper and deeper inside her, hardly caring that now pink gel-flesh was crawling over his plump backside, covering it whole and swallowing his body up.
Suspending within her and upon her, Finn hugged his princess, totally within her power-
There was heat and force all around him, pressing against him, swallowing him up, loving him-
Bubblegum was gasping, growling, less pleading now and just delighted at his progress, her senseless words still indicating her praise and happiness at what he was doing to her, for her-
All was light in Finn’s brain then as he willingly dove into her, willing to risk being absorbed or even consumed by her in the pursuit of her happiness, and Bubblegum knew it, and it thrilled her so violently that it peaked, and she roared as she slammed into Finn, caught in the midst of orgasm, and in the sheer power of it, pumping and grinding and swelling and pulling Finn within her tides, she caused him to reach his own climax, and he pumped into her a final time-
A second time, and then, a third final time, his hips seizing up as his semen pumped into her, screaming with the effort as her body still sucked him in like a beast caught in tar (but far more sexually).
Bubblegum cooed as her body accepted Finn’s semen, a faint hint of white there before her internal gel consumed it the protein and assimilated it into her bio-mass. She leaned against Finn, a little winded but still quite peppy. “Oh, excellent work, Finny! That was just lovely! I do think that your sexual education is coming along splendidly! …Finn? Finn?”
“Whee,” Finn said faintly, collapsed into the bed. He swooned, mere moments from passing out. Bubblegum blinked, and giggled. “Very good work,” she said, slipping to his side. Her body stubbornly refused to let go of him, his now-flaccid penis floating gently inside her, strings of pink gel-flesh tethered to Finn’s groin and rippling gently with her more powerful movements. Bubblegum sighed happily anyway, and she so loved how he felt being inside her. She smiled and leaned herself down to his the side, nuzzling into him so that they rested side by side, his face even with her chest.
She scooted him closer, his body squashing into her naked form and sliding slightly inside her, his chest into her belly, his shoulders against her ribs and his arms hugging her sides, and all her body crept up, trying to swallow him up. She giggled at how nice he felt there, and all her body gave him a full-body puckering kiss, squeezing wetly against him.
Finn lolled, and gently she took the side of his head. Getting an idea from his slightly parted lips, she slyly put his face to her right breast, his lips pressed against her firm and slightly puffy nipple. He shifted, nearly asleep, and his mouth opened slightly. He moved open, kissing her breast, and he settled against her, the side of his head propped up by her arm (softer than any pillow, and a good deal more supportive).
He suckled gently on her, and she cooed and squealed softly at how good that felt, even in the humming afterglow of sex and orgasm. “Love you, Peebee,” he mumbled sleepily.
Bubblegum smiled sweetly. “I love you too, Finny.”
He smiled, still sucking on her breast. He didn’t say anything else, but that he willingly pressed himself into her, allowing her body to suckle on more of his vulnerable body, said everything. She gasped at him sliding into her, and she smiled.
“Good boy, Finny,” Bubblegum said.

Several hours later, Beemo was using a mirror to try and play games with herself, wondering if this was a weird thing to do or not.
The door opened, and Finn staggered in, still wearing a dress and with odd stains of pink goo in places.
“Hey, Beemo,” Finn said dreamily, moving to his bedroom.
“Hello, Finn!” Beemo said. “How did finding Bubblegum at the party go?”
Finn stared blankly at her. Beemo took in the pink stains. The precise color of Bubblegum’s skin, she thought. Finn needed to take a long moment to respond to her question.
He giggled. “Really, really good!”
- 1
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Party Crashing Crossdresser