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Horseshoes and Hand Grenades	By : MidnightBliss Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2107 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Invader Zim, nor do I make any money from this fic. All Copyrights belong to Lord Emperor Jhonen Vasquez, King of all Things and Nickelodeon. Although I do own this particular story...Patent Pending

Chapter List
- 1-Horseshoes and Handgrenades
- 1
“That stupid Dib monkey has impeded my plans for the last time!” Zim said to no one in particular.

It had been 8 years since Zim landed on Earth and now he and Dib were seniors in High Skool, the exact same High Skool in which he was perched upon the roof of, with a mysterious looking laser rifle. This was the latest in a long line of plans to get rid of the Membrane boy. Dib sat in the courtyard, bent over his laptop, at an isolated table, and Zim had his sights trained on him.

Zim had grown impressively in the past 8 years and was now the height of a normal human teenager, and had he not already been in exile, he would have surely been killed for threatening the current Tallest’s regime. He and Dib were both around 5’10 and had remained enemies throughout the past 8 years, constantly fighting over the fate of Earth.

“I don’t know why I didn’t come up with this plan sooner” He said aiming for Dib’s head, which over the years his body had grown into, if only slightly.

“But master how will turning his head into cheese help?” GIR asked, while playing with a small plush moose.

“Do not question Zim!” Zim screamed, as he fired recklessly at Dib.

Unbeknownst to Zim, and Dib, Gaz was storming towards her hapless brother at that exact moment.

“DIIIIBBBB. What the hell did you do to my Game Slave!?”

At sixteen Gaz was a vision of gothic beauty. Her dark, violet hair only served to accentuate the pale, alabaster skin she had earned from years of logging in game time in her room. She had subtle curves and looked breathtaking in her black hip huggers and tight purple and black striped tank top, with her signature skull chain resting on her chest. She was truly a vision of pure terror. Dib felt his stomach sink as he recalled what he had done to his sister’s most prized possession. Although it had seemed like a good idea at the time, he was now regretting even touching it.

“Now Gaz before you get angry, look” he pointed towards his laptop, unsurprisingly modeled after an Alienware “I was able to increase the CPU output by 3% not to mention…”

If Gaz had not been blocking Dib’s view he might have seen the purple beam of energy coming towards them, and if Gaz had not been seething with anger she might have felt it hit her.

“Damn it. Gir pass me another battery pack I need to fire again.” He extended his hand for the battery pack. “Gir?”

Gir whistled innocently as he tiptoed away clutching his moose.

“Gir, where are the batteries I loaded into you?” Zim asked, tapping his foot.

“I sorta… left them at home.” He said, holding the plushy up to obscure his master’s view.

“And why would you do that?” Zim asked.

“To make room for the fudge, Duh” He said as he took a brick of fudge from his chest cavity and began eating it.

“GIRRRRR” Zim began to make his way toward the snacking robot when he heard the door to the roof open. “Escape plan 253.”

“Yes sir” Gir snapped into attention, grabbed Zim by the arm, and fired up his rockets. They took off into the distance towards their home base.

“Mmm fudge” could be heard in the distance.

“So as you can see stripping your Game Slave for parts could very well save humanity” Dib finished, looking up at his sister.

Her eye twitched slightly after hearing words like “stripping” and “parts” in the same sentence as Game Slave, proved too much for her to handle. Oh Dib was going to pay she thought to herself, but first and foremost he must feel pain.

She picked up his laptop and smashed it over his head repeatedly. This didn’t come as a great shock to anyone around them, because they all knew of her penchant for violent outbursts and just tried to avoid her when she was going through one. She dropped the remains of his laptop onto his unconscious body.

“Dib, you are going to die a slow and painful death” She said before storming off, leaving her brother lying on the ground.

Later that night in the Membrane residence Gaz sat on the couch, flipping through thechannels on their large, ultramodern flat-screen television. Having changed out of her school clothes she was now wearing a large black t-shirt with a zombie pig on the front, and a pair of purple shorts. She hadn’t been feeling well since lunch, but attributed the lightheadedness and irritability to the lack of visual stimulation that was usually provided by her Game Slave. She’d spent months saving up for that Game Slave 5, it was her most cherished possession and now it was gone. She sighed audibly at that thought. How many long hours had she spent with her beloved system, all to be ripped away. Most sixteen year olds were addicted to drugs or alcohol, but her craving lied in video games and she was damn proud of it.

Suddenly she flipped onto a familiar show which caused her blood to boil. A bald headed black man was discussing the differences between a yeti and a sasquatch, as his guests, “experts” in the field, added their opinions and the occasional paranoia induced outburst. Where was Dib? He was way past his scheduled beating, not to mention he never missed an episode of Mysterious Mysteries, only god knows why.

Almost in response to her question she heard the front door being closed, and the familiar sound of Dib’s footsteps entering the kitchen then making their way into the living room.

“So you’ve finally seen the error of your ways and decided to take an interest in the paranormal” Dib said jokingly, standing in the doorway, in reference to the television program.

That comment sent Gaz over the edge and she lunged at her brother and in a blind fury, punched him square in his jaw, and sent him flying. He slammed casually against the wall and she raised her fist again to resume pummeling him when he reached into the bag he was carrying and pulled out a purple, polka dotted, gift wrapped box. She snatched it out of his hand as he weakly lifted it up, presenting it for her inspection. Cocking an eyebrow she looked at him and he silently urged her to open it.

“Dib, I swear to god if this is more fossilized dragon remains, like you got me for my birthday I will actually kill you” she said as she un-wrapped the box.

“Just open it.” He said rubbing his jaw, attempting to pop it back into its socket.

Her eyes grew wide as she began to recognize the markings on the box.

“Dib…This is a Game Slave 6 Platinum edition.” Her voice was hushed, just barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, I know.” He remarked, still trying to fix his jaw.

“But how would you even get something like this. It is not even in stores and the cost alone. I mean look at how you dress. How could you afford something like this?” She asked.

“Do you remember those pictures I took of the mole man shopping with Britney Spears? Well the National Inquirer bought them off of me for 2400 dollars.” He replied, getting to his feet. “Just enough to pay for that…well there was some extra.”

He pointed towards the kitchen table where a steaming pizza laid with a grotesquely obese pig on the front of the box. With a squeal of excitement that shocked Dib and most of the neighbors, she rushed into the kitchen and helped herself. They ate in relative silence except for the background music of her game and occasional murmurs of appreciation from Gaz, aimed mostly towards the game itself.

“A backlight…look at these graphics…rechargeable lithium-ion batteries.” She said, in between bites in a hushed tone mostly to herself.

Finished with his second slice, Dib rose from the table to return to his room. Noticing this, Gaz was overwhelmed with an odd feeling towards her brother, gratitude. She paused her game, and placed it on the table beside her plate, as she rose from her chair. As she moved closer she seemed to be struggling with something inwardly, he braced himself in anticipation of another hit.

“I thought you’d like purple. I mean, if you don’t, I’m sure I can exchange it for another.” He had no idea what was wrong but given her penchant for flying off the handle at little to no provocation, he was grasping at straws.

The hit didn’t come instead he felt the warm sensation of Gaz hugging him. It was an unfamiliar sensation, but was infinitely preferable to being punched in the face.

A minute passed, then two as she remained, her arms wrapped around him, her perky, firm breasts pressed into his chest through their clothing. Dib grew anxious as she showed no signs of releasing him and against his better judgment spoke.

“Um…I’m happy you’re happy Gaz, but I have an online conference scheduled and I kinda…” his voice fell upon deaf ears as the sound of her heartbeat drowned out his words. It felt like an eternity had passed but she couldn’t bring herself to release him. Her face felt hot as her body was pressed close to his, as if she was in a lover’s embrace. She looked up at him; her cheeks flushed a light pink as her lips parted. His were so close all she needed to do was meet them. This thought snapped her back into reality and she shoved him off of her violently.

“Get off of me you freak.” She said, and before he could respond she had grabbed her game off the table and was out of the kitchen.

“What was that about?” he mumbled to himself as he cleaned off the table.
Upstairs Gaz had just entered her room and slammed the door, her back pressed against it.

“What was that about?” she murmured to herself, her breath was shallow and her heart felt ready to burst. She lifted a hand to her face and felt the heat, her purple and black nails contrasting sharply with the gentle pink that now laced her cheek.

“Must’ve been the pizza” she reasoned, flopping down on the bed and resuming her game. Her eyes fixated on the screen. If anything would make her feel better “Vampire Hogs from Mars IV” would. For the rest of the night she found her thoughts wandering back to Dib, each time his face popped into her mind she would blush and her heart would flutter, but she forced her focus back on the game, leading to increased aggression, slight blushing and a new high score. At around three in the morning she felt herself beginning to nod off and saved her game.

Sifting through her dresser she grabbed a pair of black shorts, adorned with white skulls, and an old faded purple t-shirt. She changed and once she lied down her half conscious mind immediately drifted back to her brother, but she was too tired to fend off the thoughts as she fell asleep. This sleep was marred by a dream that could only be brought upon by the combination of bad pizza, too many video games and an inept green alien’s weaponry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She stood there, in front of the gothic castle, her sword in her hand. It was a large sword seemingly much too large for a girl her size to handle, but she cut her way through the legions of undead, wielding it with relative ease. Kicking open the large, ornate wooden doors that led inside and made her way in.

It was dark and quiet inside, not a single ghoul or demon was to be found, as she made her way through the high ceilinged halls. She entered a large study that was lit only by candles, from which a sweet, almost intoxicating scent emanated from. Books and archaic objects adorned shelves on both walls, and a large wrought iron chandelier hung from the high ceiling.

“Drop your weapon” came a familiar, yet unseen voice. She struggled internally but found she no longer had to strength to lift the large claymore, and it fell with a loud thud to the carpeted floor.

“So you’ve come to kill me” A cloaked Dib emerged from the shadows. His hair was longer and hung loose covering most of his face, but a large devilish grin could still be seen.

Although she couldn’t see them, she felt his eyes on her body. She shifted slightly, his gaze making her feel uneasy.

“Dib?” her voice was low, almost a whisper. Unable to think straight, her body seemed heavy as she stayed rooted to the ground. Every breath she inhaled she took in more of that sweet aroma. “What have you done to me?” she breathed.

He moved towards her stepping further into the flickering light of the candles, ignoring her question. He stroked her cheek softly; his skin was cold, and his caress gentle. This couldn’t be happening, she thought as he ran his hands along her curves slowly, only just touching her. She wanted, no needed him to touch every inch of her, but knew it was wrong. She raised a shaky hand to stop him, but he brushed it aside effortlessly.

He brushed her long, violet hair aside revealing the alabaster skin of her neck. His smiled thrilling her to her core, as he revealed his long, sharp fangs. He moved closer and as she felt his teeth pierce her soft skin she woke up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She clutched her neck feeling the prickling sensation leave it, and was only mildly aware of her other hand traveling down her body and into her shorts. Her fingers brushed against the tiny, purple V made by her trimmed pubic hair as her hand cupped her sex she felt the warmth radiating from it. Spreading her lips she felt the wetness, as she inserted a finger into herself. Her back arched as the penetration set every nerve in her body on fire. She added another, biting down on her lower lip to keep from moaning out loud. She had masturbated before, but it had never felt like this, with her dream fresh in her mind it was as if she could still feel her assailant’s hands upon her. Her hand came in contact with her engorged clit and caused her to cry out her dream assailant’s name.

“Dib” she moaned, the sound shocking herself into stopping. She had to stop, it was just too weird thoughts about her brother were about to make her climax.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” she sighed, as she laid her head back down.
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Horseshoes and Hand Grenades