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A Tale of the Woman	By : lightbird Category: +M through R > Mulan (Disney) > Mulan (Disney) Views: 16126 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons of Disney Studios, nor any of the characters from them. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Part 1
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 1
- 2
Part 1: New Home
Chapter 1
“You’re a disgrace! You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!”
The townspeople that had gathered to see the new potential brides bore witness to her shame and Mulan cringed under the weight of the memories. The matchmaker’s shrill shouts rang in her ears still, the insults shrieked at her in the middle of the street, in front of every one of her neighbors. The dismayed expression on her mother’s face was burned into her brain; when she saw it she had instantly realized the levity of the outcome of her session with the matchmaker and her failure of the test. And now there would be no arranged proper marriage, no honor for her family. Instead she would be a rich man’s concubine; financially cared for but shamed and disgraced, and that dishonor would leave its stain on her family as well.
With tears in her eyes she’d bid her mother and grandmother goodbye as the bridal sedan was brought to their front gate. She would never see them again. Her father came forward last, wordlessly embracing her, his face drawn and sad. He’d been ill for quite some time and under a doctor’s care; but that morning he looked sicker than she’d ever seen him.
She was on her way to an estate in the country several li to the north of Chang’an, owned by the general whose mistress she was to be from now on. A fat middle-aged general, as the matchmaker had tauntingly made known to her. Mulan sighed. Even before she went in to take that test, she knew that woman hated her.
This particular general was renowned in the Middle Kingdom and a favorite of the Emperor. He was the lead military advisor to His Majesty and was more decorated than any other general that had come before.
The road they traveled on was lined with trees and flowers already in bloom now that spring was upon them. She gazed out at the slowly passing scenery and brought a hand up to her eyes, wiping the tears that blurred her vision away. It would do no good to cry or to think about what her life would become now or that she would never see her parents or her grandmother again. And weeping would no doubt irritate her new master.
“Besides,” she muttered sarcastically to herself, her voice bitter. “It’ll ruin my make-up.”
Even though there would be no wedding, no formal ceremony, she’d still had to dress in the customary red dress and red veil, her face painted just as it had been when she went to see the matchmaker. The fat old general would want her looking just right for him.
She snorted and leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms across her chest. Well, if it was really bad, she could run away. Unlike the other girls, Mulan knew how to ride a horse; in fact she had an extensive knowledge about horses. And she knew self-defense, thanks to her father being a military general himself.
And there would be nothing to lose. She had already failed to bring her family honor; running away would merely add dishonor upon dishonor. Her status would remain the same; she was already a fallen woman.
Closing her eyes, she made a silent prayer to the ancestors to guide her through this new phase in her life.
oooOooo
Servants stood on either side of the step where she descended from the bridal sedan, waiting to assist her. She blinked in the glaring sun, her eyes needing to adjust to the bright light after the long stint. They were in a large, square courtyard.
“The Li family welcomes the Fifth Mistress,” a servant who was waiting at the stone gate greeted her, approaching and taking her things from her. “Come in and I will settle you into your new rooms.”
Mulan followed him, feeling numb as she took in the sight of the place that would now be her home. It was a sprawling, luxurious estate that surrounded the courtyard they were in on three sides, and the mansion had several wings. There were separate small houses that were adjoined to the main wing of the compound, but each had their own private entrance.
The servant led her down the length of a narrow courtyard off of the main square which one entered upon passing through the gates. They arrived at a separate small house at the end of the stone path and he opened the front door, gesturing for her to enter.
“My name is Fu-ling. I am the head servant here. But a personal maid will be assigned to you, probably some time tomorrow.”
She stepped through the door and into a short hallway which led into a large drawing room that was decorated in rich reds. Fu-ling led her into the next room, the bedroom. There was a table with a mirror and a large, plush bed covered in soft, luxurious blankets of silk and velvet. This room was also decorated in red.
“General Li will be with you soon. Tomorrow I will come back to take you around the complex and introduce you to your sisters.”
Her sisters?
Before she could ask him what he meant by that, Fu-ling walked out without another word and shut the front door, leaving her alone. Heaving a sigh she wandered around the drawing room of her new house numbly, gazing at the expensive decorations and knickknacks and the finely crafted furniture. Great care had been taken to make the house look luxurious and joyful, but she just felt its oppressiveness. And there were no books anywhere in the room. She ran her hand over the smooth wood of a breakfront that stood against one wall, suppressing an urge to pick up the fragile knickknacks and dash them to the floor.
She dropped her hands to her side and stepped back away from the breakfront. Then she turned and walked into the bedroom where Fu-ling had left her suitcase, climbing onto the bed and staring at it for a few minutes. She was hesitant to open it; everything in there was from home and she feared that the waterworks would open up if she looked inside.
Fortunately she didn’t have to make a choice about it yet. A knock on the door drew her attention away and she called out to whoever it was. Moments later an old woman came in with a bowl of water and a towel. Setting it down before her, she coaxed Mulan to put her feet in.
“All the mistresses have their feet washed by me before the general comes to see them,” she instructed her. “It’s his order.”
Mulan wordlessly stuck her feet into the bowl of water, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. This general already seemed too particular and she hadn’t even met him yet. But the foot-washing felt good and she closed her eyes and tried to relax.
oooOooo
General Li was a heavy set man with large muscular legs and thick calloused hands. Mulan judged him to be in his mid-forties based on the grey that was peppered throughout his jet black hair and the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, the weathered skin of his dark face. And from the fact that he had a nineteen year old son, as she’d found out from him.
Staring up at the lighted lanterns around the room she cringed, feeling vulnerable and exposed in the light, though it was fairly dim.
“Would you please put out the lanterns?” she asked quietly.
“They’re supposed to be lit. I want to see you,” he grunted.
Wishing she could pull the blanket up to cover her body, she lay on her back, remaining silent as his rough-skinned hands caressed her body, preparing her for their wedding night. She tensed up again and gasped as the full weight of his girth pressing down on her practically cut her breath off. He shifted to one side and she relaxed a little as she was once again able to draw in air. The general spread her legs apart with a beefy hand then, moving it up to her crotch and beginning to stroke a spot just inside. It felt good despite her fear and discomfort with the situation, and she felt herself blush in embarrassed surprise as an involuntary scream passed from her lips and she felt liquid begin to drip from her own body.
Another gasp escaped her as she felt his finger inside of her and she squeezed her eyes shut, wincing at the sudden pinching sensation and pressure from his finger.
“You’re nice and tight,” he whispered. “But we’ll loosen things up.”
Her muscles tensed up and her back arched as she tried to fight against the pain; the feeling of his finger inside was becoming excruciating. He covered her legs with one of his own, pinning them, and shifted his upper torso onto her, holding her still.
“Shh. Just relax. It won’t hurt if you relax.”
She had to resist the urge to cry out as his finger stretched her inside. Was that his nail that she was feeling? Her arm flew out to the side and she grasped the edge of the bed, bracing herself as she felt more pressure and the burning feeling inside of her spread throughout her pelvis. He’d put a second finger inside.
The pain began to subside as her muscles became used to the stretch, but when he finally removed his fingers she still released an inaudible sigh. He moved to straddle her and lowered himself down onto her. She gasped as he eased himself inside of her, feeling as if she were being split open. His hand moved down and he began to massage her thigh. Tears began to burn her eyes as she felt him move inside of her and she threw her arms around him in the hope of maybe controlling his movements so the pain would cease. It didn’t and she dug her nails into his back.
His hand was underneath her, pressing against the small of her back; and as he guided her wordlessly she suddenly understood. She shifted her hips and raised her legs, wrapping them around him, then began to move with him. The pain eased up somewhat as she concentrated on moving her hips in rhythm with his movements. She felt him stiffen. Warm liquid oozed inside of her and he collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily.
After a few minutes he raised his head and reached up, wiping her tears away with a thumb.
“They all cry the first time. But you’ll grow to like it, Mulan.”
oooOooo
Mulan sat before the mirror brushing her long hair and staring at her reflection, tears flowing from her eyes without her even realizing it. General Li had left her house already and she breathed easier, if only just slightly.
It was almost unreal. She seemed to be experiencing an odd separation of her mind from her body as she looked in the mirror, as if she were outside of herself watching these things happen to her. Numbness permeated her and though she knew how desperately she missed her family already, she couldn’t feel the sadness. Just a nameless weighty, heaviness inside of her that clouded around her like a dark miasma.
A knock on the door pulled her from her sad reverie and she stood up and grabbed a robe, pulling it on. She called out and Fu-ling entered with a basin of water and some cloths and towels.
“Fifth Mistress. It is time for you to meet the family. I will wait for you to dress and then take you around. You will have breakfast afterward.”
He left the room and she removed her robe and began to wash herself with the cloth. The water in the basin had a pleasant scent; they had put some sort of oil in it that had a floral smell and she felt a little better as the perfumed liquid touched her skin. She dried off and dressed quickly, then stepped out of the house, joining Fu-ling.
“First we’ll meet everyone and then I’ll show you around the grounds.”
She nodded but said nothing. It had become apparent immediately that the servants didn’t expect her to answer, nor would General Li tolerate her being outspoken; so, against her own nature, she kept quiet.
“Here is where the First Mistress Li Song lives,” he told her as he led her to a large wing in the main compound.
A maid opened the door and allowed them entrance and Fu-ling announced her presence to General Li’s first and official wife. Mulan found herself looking at a dour-looking, middle-aged woman with a grim face, seated at a table with a pot of tea in front of her. She bowed respectfully.
“Elder Sister,” she greeted her.
“Come and let me look at you,” the first wife ordered.
She raised her head and moved toward the woman, who looked her up and down with a scrutinizing eye.
“You are quite young, my dear. How old are you?”
“I’m sixteen,” Mulan answered shyly.
“I understand that you’ve been educated.”
“Yes, First Sister. At home.”
She nodded. “Very well. You must meet the rest of the family. I will see you later at dinner.”
“Yes, First Sister.”
She turned and followed Fu-ling out. He led her to one of the separate houses that was across the courtyard from her own. It was identical in style and design. They were admitted by a servant once again and Fu-ling introduced her to the second mistress, a woman who was about ten years younger than Li Song. She had a kinder face.
“Second Sister,” Mulan greeted her, bowing.
“You can call me Yun. Come and sit with me for a few minutes,” she coaxed warmly, gesturing to the chair at the table across from her. “We’ll talk a little.”
Mulan took the seat across from Yun.
“I will need to take Fifth Mistress around to show her the grounds,” Fu-ling explained.
“Of course. We will not be long.”
Fu-ling bowed and left the room to wait and she turned back to Mulan with a kind smile.
“You are very young,” Yun remarked, peering at her closely.
“I’m sixteen.”
“And very pretty.”
She averted her eyes, at a loss as to what to say. Pretty was never a word anyone had used to describe her. Clumsy, disgraceful, wayward, but never pretty.
“I’m sure the master will spend a lot of nights with you. You’re very lucky.”
Surprised by the remark Mulan raised her eyes to gaze at the woman. “Lucky?”
“Oh, yes. You see, if he stops spending time with you it means he’s lost interest.”
“I wouldn’t care about that,” Mulan muttered.
“But you have to. Everyone in the house will treat you differently if he loses interest in you; even the servants.”
Yun must have noted the dismayed expression on her face.
“Don’t worry,” she added, her voice filled with compassion and kindness, “it’s always difficult at first. It was for all of us. But you’ll get used to it. Where are you from?”
“Wan County.”
“Oh, my, you’ve traveled a long distance away from your family.”
Mulan nodded, afraid to speak due to the lump that began to form in her throat. But she felt somewhat comforted that she had met Yun. This was someone who was kind and almost motherly; maybe she could call her a friend as well as Second Sister.
She bid Yun goodbye a few minutes later and the servant showed her out, where Fu-ling was waiting for her.
He gave her a formal tour of the grounds next. The complex was huge, with a vast garden, a pond and a large stable in the back. He offered to see her back to her home, but Mulan told him that she wanted to continue to walk around and get some air.
“Very good, then. I will come to you later when dinner is ready, unless the master has a message for you before then.”
He bowed and set off, and Mulan continued her walk, relieved to be outside and left alone. She’d always hated being cooped up, preferring to be active and outside. Horseback riding was her favorite pastime. She wasn’t allowed to, but she always snuck out and escaped the limits of her home, each time riding her steed further and further out until one day she finally rode beyond the boundaries of her village.
The fresh air and brisk stroll took her mind off of her troubles, if only temporarily, as did her curiosity. She couldn’t help wondering at the fact that she was the Fifth Mistress but had only met a First and Second Mistress. Where were the Third and Fourth Mistresses?
Crossing back to the stable she ventured inside and grinned at the sight of two beautiful white stallions, the trademark of the officers of the Imperial army. She approached one of them slowly but determinedly, speaking softly and soothingly. The stallion made no sound as she drew near and she grinned, patting his sleek white coat affectionately.
“Good horse. Next time I’ll see if maybe I can sneak a carrot out to you. And you too,” she added, turning to the other stallion.
She left the stable and walked back toward the complex. Stone steps led up to the top of the building and she saw that she could walk along the roof and gaze out at her surroundings. With renewed vigor she bounded up the steps two at a time with ease, having inherited her father’s natural athleticism and light-footedness.
After walking the perimeter of the roof of the main complex she walked down some stairs that led to a closed bridge that adjoined one building of the complex to another, curiosity getting the better of her. It was in her nature to be adventurous and curious; to see where paths led to, where steps went to. She stopped as she came to the archway leading to the corridor, seeing that she wasn’t alone.
A young man was practicing his martial arts in the corridor, dancing through sword forms, and she concluded that he was no doubt General Li’s nineteen-year-old son that she’d heard about. Mulan stood in the archway, transfixed by his graceful, perfect movements. A feeling of melancholy settled like a weight in her chest as she watched him, reminded of her father.
She had always loved to watch Fa Zhou practice. He moved so gracefully, with stealth and agility, like a cat. His feet wouldn’t even make a sound on the floorboards as he danced through his forms. She had learned some moves from him, but she didn’t come close to being able to move like that.
When he was wounded in his last battle his leg was nearly destroyed. Fortunately he didn’t lose it completely and it had even healed enough that he was able to put some weight on it. Though he walked with the aid of a cane now, they were all grateful that he was able to get around at all. They didn’t think he’d be able to stand up again. But it broke her heart when she would see him take out his sword at times, attempting to go through the same moves. His form was still beautiful; but those sessions would be cut short by the pain.
Did General Li ever practice in this way? He was a renowned officer of the Imperial Army, though she wondered about his age and abundant girth. Chances were he couldn’t move the way his son could anymore. Or the way she remembered her father.
The young man ceased his movements suddenly, the sword remaining poised in mid-exercise. He whirled around and faced her, his forehead furrowing in annoyance.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. You don’t have to stop,” she began.
She took an involuntary step back and stared at him for a moment, stunned by the look of sheer anger on his face as he glared at her. He was quite handsome; but his eyes were so cold, like stone, and his disgust toward her was evident in his face. She felt as if she’d been physically slapped. Was she so revolting that he could dislike her so already? What could she have possibly done to offend him in the moment that they set eyes on one another?
“I’m sorry,” she repeated sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
She turned on her heel and darted away from him, back up to the roof.
oooOooo
“I only conceived once, a little girl.”
Mulan was surprised to discover that Yun had a child. After living in the Li household for a month and visiting often with Second Sister, she imagined she would have seen a child in her house at some point if one existed.
“Oh…I’ve never seen her.”
“She died. Illness,” Yun answered rather quickly, making Mulan wonder if the little girl was actually killed for being born a girl. She knew that sort of thing happened, though not among the rich. It was more prevalent among poor people who didn’t want the added burden of supporting a useless girl rather than a son who would grow up and care for them in their old age.
It is more profitable to raise geese than daughters.
She’d overheard that expression coming from the mouths of men in her village as well as other equally revolting phrases about girls. She hated it and had many times thanked her ancestors that her father was a man who thought differently. Though despite that fact, she had still proved to be a disappointment, a pariah; a useless daughter that had done nothing to raise the honor or standing of her family. And now she had the low position of Fifth Mistress.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered.
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Perhaps one day I will be able to bear General Li a son, too.”
“He doesn’t spend very much time with First Sister,” Mulan commented.
“She’s too old for his liking now. Besides, she already raised a son for him, one that has followed in his footsteps and that he can be proud of. Her position is secure and she doesn’t really have to care anymore. And she’s his first wife, through proper arrangement and ceremony.”
Unspeakable sadness settled in Mulan’s chest like a great weight at those words and she turned her head so Yun wouldn’t see that she was blinking back tears.
“Well, next it will be your turn, Mulan. You are the newest and the youngest, and so you are in his favor right now. If you bear the general a son you will be in very good standing.”
Bearing a son was not the first thing on her to-do list but Mulan kept the sentiment to herself.

*******
Chapter 2
Her nights were nearly as dismal as her days. At least she went outside and got air most days. Being as girls were rarely educated, her drawing room contained no books. Just decorations and art work, beautiful and worthwhile, but not much to keep her brain fed. She spent a lot of time outside, walking around in the garden. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of confinement; she never went anywhere outside of the Li compound. Though the grounds were expansive, she still found it restrictive, never being able to leave. It was enough to drive anyone crazy, being in one place and seeing the same handful of people all the time.
General Li spent most nights with her, as Yun had predicted. He was an experienced man, seasoned with women as well as in battle, and he knew how to pleasure her. Though she didn’t love him, she became comfortable with him as she spent more time with him and she came to respect him. And she had become accustomed to him and to his touch. The feel and warmth of his body, which she’d found to be stout and oppressive at first, had come to feel comforting and protective when it was pressed against her.
The general was close in age to her father and the similarities between the two men made it easier for her to be comfortable with him. It occurred to her that they might have known each other, though her father had never mentioned that. And General Li never spoke of it.
She had no experience at all with men, but she had a sense that he was quite enamored of her for some reason that she couldn’t fathom. After all, he barely knew her. But, according to Yun, it was always better to remain in high favor with the master of the house; it ensured her some standing in the Li household.
Mulan visited the stable often during the days but found it empty usually. General Li was out during the day, his stallion with him, and the second horse obviously belonged to young Master Li. He’d gone back to the w:st="on">Imperial Academy after that weekend that she first arrived at the Li compound. She’d never been formally introduced to him; their only meeting was that fateful day in the corridor when she came across him practicing his sword forms. A pang of sadness tugged at her heart when she thought of it. The fact that they hadn’t been introduced said everything about how low her status in this household was. No wonder he’d stared at her with such disdain.
She no longer had to get up early to do chores anymore; everything was done for her. In the mornings she went for a walk when she first got up, or when General Li left if he had spent the previous night with her. Meals were taken together with the other two wives in a dining room in the main complex, where sometimes General Li joined them. Usually it was just the three women, though, and Li Ping, the general’s little son with his third mistress, Shan-hu, who she’d still never met.
In a very short time she came to know her way around the grounds and had even found a place all the way out at the end of the garden where one of the trees grew beside the wall. It was not a good climbing tree; but if she could figure out a way to scale the trunk she could reach the top of the wall; a way out. She paid close attention, investigating the grounds as she walked; and before long she knew every nook and cranny of the garden, every hiding place, every stone and plant. If nothing else, it kept her mind occupied.
One day as she circumvented the complex on one of her walks and headed toward the tree at the very far end of the grounds, she stopped in her tracks as she caught sight of a woman that she’d never seen before, sitting under the tree and staring into space. She had a beautiful face but her hair was unkempt and wild, her clothing bedraggled. Mulan was startled when she glimpsed the woman’s visage and saw how beautiful, and how young it was. This woman couldn’t have been more than two or three years older than her.
Wondering if it was the mysterious Shan-hu, she ventured toward her. The woman stood up before Mulan reached her and drifted over toward a tangle of vines. As she drew closer, Mulan realized that there was a well there. The mass of vines covered it and it was clear that no one drew water from this well anymore. Her steps slowed again when she saw that the strange woman was now walking in a circle, around and around the well, stopping every once in awhile to peer inside, her mouth moving as if she were talking to somebody down there. She didn’t even know that Mulan was there.
A shudder went through her as she watched. There was no way that this woman would have scaled the walls and climbed into the garden; no, she was a member of the Li household. The woman was clearly insane and obviously forgotten by the rest of the family.
Turning on her heel, Mulan hurried away.
oooOooo
There was a chill in the air and the hot tea warmed and soothed her as it went down.
“You should take it easy today,” Yun coaxed in a motherly tone. “Your face looks awfully pale.”
“That woman…” Mulan trailed off, unsure if she should broach the subject with her Second Sister.
“What woman?”
“She’s very pretty, but her clothes are all disheveled…I saw her at the far end of the garden…”
Yun gasped.
“No wonder you look so sickly! That is a place of death. You must stay away from there…”
“Who is that woman?”
Her Second Sister nodded sadly. “That is Fourth Sister, Honglian. She used to be the favorite of General Li.”
“She was walking in circles around the well and talking to it…”
“Yes, she’s quite mad.”
“What is she saying?”
“That she won’t jump. After General Li’s Third Mistress Shan-hu jumped into that well, Honglian went insane. She’s saying that she won’t jump into the well.”
oooOooo
The sad news reached her after she’d been living in General Li’s house for four months. Fa Zhou had passed away. In her letter to her, Fa Li spoke of the unspeakable pain that her father had been in. His death had been a blessing in a way.
Her letter accompanied a large trunk that had been sent to Mulan. Setting the letter aside, she tearfully opened the trunk and stared at the contents. It was her father’s uniform, armor and sword. She was confused as to why her mother had chosen to send it to her; perhaps he’d requested it. Whatever the reason, she was glad to receive this remembrance of him.
During her fifth month living in General Li’s house she returned home one afternoon and found that the trunk had disappeared. She searched her rooms frantically until she was sobbing at the loss of her only inheritance from her father.
“What is it, my love?” the general asked when he came to her room that evening and saw the state she was in.
“I had a trunk with my father’s sword and armor. It’s gone.”
General Li moved toward her and took her by the shoulders, attempting to soothe her.
“You’re a young woman. What need have you of a sword and armor?”
Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared at him angrily.
“It was my father’s and he left it for me. Where is it?” she demanded.
The general looked genuinely remorseful. His hands moved to cup her face and he began to gently wipe her tears away with thick thumbs.
“I’m sorry, my love, but it’s gone. I…I didn’t realize it meant so much to you. I couldn’t see any reason for you to keep that sort of thing.”
“It’s my only remembrance of him,” she whispered sadly, lowering her eyes.
“Oh,” he murmured. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean to cause you such unhappiness, Mulan. I will never take anything from you again.”
She raised her gaze to him again and nodded. He genuinely regretted his actions, she could see that in his eyes; and, when all was said and done, he was the master of the house. Afraid to lose favor with him, she decided sadly that it would be better to let the matter drop.
“Now come, let’s have no more talk of it,” he coaxed, gently, taking her by the hand and leading her away from the window.
Usually he went right to sleep shortly after rolling off of her. But tonight he lay awake with her afterward.
“Anything you want you can have, my love.”
General Li lay on his side, gazing at her and stroking her face tenderly.
Mulan thought about that for a few moments. What she really wanted were some books; but she was completely certain that he would react to the idea of her owning books in the same manner as he had to her owning the sword and armor.
“My father told me about jewelry made of gems that the foreign merchants are selling in the marketplace in Chang’an.”
“Yes, the Persian merchants have beautiful gems for sale there. You would like a necklace maybe?”
“Maybe. I want something with lots of gems on it.”
She had absolutely no use for jewelry or gems; but she felt compelled to test him to see if he would actually buy her what she asked for.
If he did buy her something she would only wear it at night when he came to her.
He never did bring her the gems. But two weeks after this incident she returned to her rooms after one of her long walks and found that the trunk with her father’s armor and sword had been returned to her. A note from General Li accompanied it.
My dearest Mulan, Only a heartless cad would deprive you of something that makes you happy.
Tears of joy sprang from her eyes as she opened the trunk and beheld its contents once more. And when the general came to her that night and they made love, for the first time she gave herself to him with complete abandon.
oooOooo
During the seventh month that she lived in General Li’s house, the Middle Kingdom was invaded. Barbarians from the north, led by a man who had reached mythical status in w:st="on">China according to the general. He had to immediately leave for the Imperial City and there was no telling when he would return. As the Emperor’s most favored general, it was up to him to recommend strategy and lead the Imperial troops to battle in order to stop the incursions.
There were whispers in the household about Mulan, especially now that the master of the house was gone, making her status nil for the time being. Whispers about how, despite the fact that General Li had spent most of his nights with her, she still hadn’t become pregnant. She was relieved and concerned at once about that. It was a relief, since she didn’t feel ready to bear her own children. But she was intelligent enough to realize that her status in the household would drop even further if she didn’t give the general a son. And now he had gone off to battle, making her chances of conceiving non-existent.
“Is this the life I’ve been reduced to?” she asked herself. “Worried about losing face in this household because I haven’t proven to be good breeding stock? No wonder Honglian went mad.”

*******
Chapter 3
The coldest, dreariest winter that she could remember descended upon them without warning shortly after General Li left for battle. Mulan found her mood becoming gloomier with each passing day and she longed for escape. The days were so cold she couldn’t even venture outside for walks; she would be chilled to the bone before getting very far.
Those first winter days were spent either by herself or with Yun. But she was becoming less comfortable around her Second Sister. General Li’s second wife had seemed kind and motherly when Mulan had first arrived at the Li compound, with an outwardly pleasant demeanor; but now, after spending time with her, the young girl sensed something else. Perhaps she was merely becoming paranoid; the more time she spent stuck in that house the more she imagined that it would be quite possible to lose her mind from being cooped up for so long, seeing chimeras and seeing deception and ill-will everywhere around her. She didn’t do anything except remain inside and maybe drink tea and chat with Yun, which was getting boring too. It was enough to make even the idlest mind crazy.
And she found that she was having odd physical withdrawal, too. She’d grown to enjoy her nights with General Li; he had come to her almost every night that he was home. How she had managed to not get pregnant was beyond her; she supposed that maybe she was barren. In any event, she found that she missed him; her body craved the physical contact.
One day when she stepped outside in the late morning she found that the temperature had warmed up, though it was snowing heavily. She decided that she didn’t care if she got wet and cold; she had to spend some time outside, moving around. Even if it was the same old garden, at least she wouldn’t be staring at the same four walls.
Withdrawing her father’s old uniform from the trunk, she dressed and called Fu-ling in to help her pin the ends of the trousers and the sleeves, which were too long for her. She glared at the odd expression on his face and he lowered his head, bending to the task of helping her fit the uniform to her body. Taking her father’s sword with her, she ventured out to the garden to practice the old martial arts moves and swordplay that her father had taught her as a little girl. She knew that Fu-ling would go and chatter with the other servants and even First and Second Mistress about her; but she didn’t care. Her mind and body needed to be occupied with something new. And General Li wasn’t there to scold her about it.
Finished with her workout a couple of hours later, she began to walk through the snow-covered garden to wind her body down. As she walked toward the far end of the grounds she caught sight of Honglian in the distance, wandering around aimlessly in the area that she always occupied. Unable to help herself, Mulan ventured toward her.
“Murderers,” Mulan heard the woman muttering over and over as she approached.
The woman turned to her but her eyes were wild and unseeing; Mulan wasn’t even sure if Honglian really knew that she was there.
“Murderers,” she repeated in a whisper.
She knew she should have turned and walked away, but she felt compelled to ask, to unravel the mystery of what had happened to this woman while she lived in General Li’s home.
“Who are the murderers, Fourth Mistress?”
“Murderers, all of them. I saw it…but no…” she stopped in her tracks and stared into space in confusion. An expression of deep and utter anguish crossed her face then. “I saw nothing…but I know what I saw…”
“Honglian, tell me, who are the murderers?” Mulan pressed, calling her by name even though she knew it was improper for her to address the elder woman by name. She was hoping it might catch her attention.
“Shan-hu.”
“I know she jumped in the well.”
“No, no…I won’t jump.”
“But Shan-hu jumped,” Mulan offered, hoping to coax her into revealing something.
“Yes…she jumped…they murdered her and she jumped…”
It made no sense and Mulan shook her head, resigned to the sad fact that Honglian could no longer form a coherent sentence. The snow was coming down harder now, she noticed.
Honglian had been staring past her, but she suddenly turned to her and Mulan was startled to see the clarity that was now in the woman’s eyes suddenly.
“They are lucky, the ones that have died. It’s easier to die than to live in misery.”
Prickles formed up and down Mulan’s spine and she felt her heart skip momentarily. Honglian’s voice was sad but firm as she spoke those words; she sounded as sane as anyone else in that moment.
“It’s snowing and getting very cold, and you are not dressed warmly enough, Fourth Mistress,” she began quietly, offering a hand to help her. “Maybe we should get inside.”
But Honglian ignored her outstretched hand, her eyes clouding over again. She drifted back toward the well, muttering, and Mulan followed. The vines that covered the old well were covered with snow and the water in the well, if there was any, was no doubt frozen over. Honglian peered down into it nevertheless, staring fixedly toward the bottom at something that only she was seeing, Mulan realized as she leaned over and gazed down at the frozen water.
“Murderers. Murderers. I won’t jump. I won’t jump.”
Mulan sighed sadly finally and turned away, heading back toward the complex. She hated to leave the woman out in the cold and snow; but she was at a loss as to what to do, and feared that she might scare her if she touched her.
“Mulan.”
Yun was standing inside her doorway as she passed by her house. She eyed the sword in Mulan’s hand.
“What are you doing out in such weather?”
“Getting some exercise. Good day, Yun.”
“Ji-li brought sweets from town this morning. Come in and we can have tea together.”
She was feeling rather melancholy and shaken after the interchange with General Li’s insane Fourth Mistress, and she wasn’t really in the mood to spend the rest of the afternoon sitting with Yun and talking about nothing.
Still, she had to think about status. It was something she wasn’t used to thinking about, even after all this time; she’d come from a small family consisting of herself, two parents and a grandmother. Status was clear by their age and place in the family. Here, with so many wives and the wives’ children, it became much more complicated. But one thing was certain; Yun was Second Mistress and she was all the way down at Fifth Mistress. She had to behave as was proper.
“Thank you. I feel that I’m dressed inappropriately. Perhaps I should go and change first.”
“Nonsense. We are informal here. Come, come.”
oooOooo
“Do you know who the murderers are that Honglian refers to?” Mulan asked as she sipped her tea and ate the red bean soup that Yun had served her.
“Honglian? Have you been going near Honglian?”
“It was starting to get colder out and I saw that she wasn’t dressed warmly. I went over to help her inside.”
“Leave her be. The servants will tend to her eventually.”
“She’s very pretty and it seems like she was very intelligent,” she argued, leaving out Honglian’s moment of clarity that she’d witnessed. “Something terrible must have happened for that to happen to her.”
Yun shrugged. “Her father committed suicide. She saw it. Then when she saw Shan-hu jump…I suppose witnessing a second suicide was more than she could bear.”
“Oh.”
“You’d best forget about both of them. That place is a place of death. Shan-hu is dead and death surrounds Honglian. You are a young girl, among the living. That’s where you should stay.”
Yun hadn’t taken her eye off of the sword by her side for the entire time that they sat together but she didn’t mention it and Mulan wasn’t about to bring it up. It really shouldn’t have mattered; but something about it made her uneasy. As if Yun might use this against her for some ulterior motive that she was unaware of.
Li Song was older, had borne a son to General Li and no longer cared whether he spent the nights with her. Her position was secure. But Li Yun was second, and she’d been unable to raise her position by bearing a son; only a daughter, who had died. Second Sister no doubt considered her competition.
Both of them started at the sound of sudden screams and hurried into the next room, where there was a window with a view to the back of the house. The servants were dragging a bedraggled looking woman along. Honglian.
“I won’t jump! You murderers! I won’t jump!”
Yun tsk-tsked softly. “Such a shame.”
“See? She keeps calling them murderers.”
“She’s a crazy woman. They’re no more murderers than you and I. And all they’re trying to do is bring her inside of her house so she won’t freeze to death.”
Mulan didn’t answer. But she made up her mind that she would visit Honglian again and try to get her to talk.

*******
Chapter 4
General Li returned home after four months. Fu-ling came to Mulan’s house one afternoon and announced to her that he had arrived that morning and would be paying her a visit shortly.
“What’s this I hear about you practicing with your father’s sword?”
Mulan smiled sweetly, careful to keep the dismay that she felt hidden. She just knew that those stupid servants would say something. Or maybe it was Yun.
“Just getting exercise. He taught me self-defense when I was little girl and I don’t want to forget what he taught me. Besides, I need to get a bit of a workout.”
“Hmm.”
“You don’t want me to get all flabby and grey-faced from going without fresh air, do you?”
He chuckled. “You’re several years away from looking like that.”
“I missed you,” she cooed as they lay together a short time later, her lips drawn into a slight pout. Acting cute and coy with him came naturally; but she was genuinely glad for his return. She was tired of being surrounded by people like Yun who talked about nothing; General Li was a sophisticated, well-traveled man who had much more interesting things to say.
“It’s good to be home,” he answered, his fingers lightly caressing her chin then moving up to rest against her cheek. “Nowhere did I see a face as beautiful as yours.”
Mulan couldn’t help but giggle. She doubted that he’d seen too many women in battle.
The corners of his mouth turned down momentarily and he frowned. “Unfortunately I may have to leave again at some point.”
“Are we in danger still?”
He smiled and began to stroke her hair soothingly. “No. Don’t you worry.”
“But you think you may have to fight again?”
“I will always need to fight again,” he sighed. “We force the enemy to retreat and push them back; but they always come again.”
“Doesn’t the Great Wall keep them out?”
“There are gaps in it. The Emperor has commissioned its completion and men are working night and day to build new sections to close them off and keep the barbarians out for good.”
“Oh. But this time…well, this leader seems to already have a reputation…”
“Yes. Shan-Yu is a fierce and ruthless leader. But nothing that I can’t handle,” he added rather pompously.
“Shan-Yu? I remember my father mention him.”
“The Emperor is very familiar with Shan-Yu, as is his army. Your father was an honored general, who no doubt met Shan-Yu in battle at least once.”
“He said Shan-Yu was smart. What if he didn’t retreat back over the border? Would he hide out somewhere on this side of the wall?”
“Well, aren’t you the inquisitive little one?” he laughed mirthfully. “Yes, there’s a chance that he’s camped secretly with his men on this side of the wall. Or perhaps he’s gone back for reinforcements. Either way, until we fortify the wall I have no doubt I will meet him again in battle.”
He chucked her under the chin then pulled her into his arms once more.
“But enough of this talk. This is nothing that a young girl should be concerned with.”
oooOooo
“Be careful with the scissors,” Yun demanded, her voice soft but firm.
“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Mulan asked, ceasing her Second Sister’s haircut. The hand holding the pair of scissors began to shake slightly.
“No. But it’s been a long time since I had anyone cut my hair. The last time I had my ear cut.”
“Oh! What happened?”
“Fourth Mistress. I asked her to give me a haircut so I could look nice for the general when he came to me that night. She was an evil one, let me tell you. Jealous because she’d lost favor with the general through her own doing. Cut off most of my hair and nearly cut my ear off. I still have a scar, see on the right one?”
Mulan didn’t see any scar, but wishing to avoid an argument she concurred that she could still see the scar.
“That’s terrible, Yun. I’ll be very careful.”
It was hard to believe that Honglian had purposely cut Yun, but she also couldn’t see how she could have done it accidentally unless she was paying no attention to what she was doing. Mulan managed to remain undistracted, succeeding in completing the haircut without cutting her Second Sister’s ear off. Still, she fidgeted nervously as Yun examined herself in the mirror, checking her work.
“I like the way you did the front.”
She picked up a smaller hand-held mirror so she could look at the back.
“Here, let me help you.”
Mulan held the small mirror up behind her so she could see it.
“I hope I didn’t cut too much off.”
“It’s perfect. I don’t cut my hair very often and when I do, I like to crop it short the way you did.”
This was the first time Mulan had cut anyone else’s hair and she was glad that she hadn’t completely messed it up.
Second Sister stepped away from the mirror, looking quite pleased, and thanked her.
“You’re welcome.”
Mulan suspected that Yun was probably just relieved, as she was, that her ear didn’t get cut off.
oooOooo
“Is it true that Fourth Mistress nearly cut off Second Sister’s ear?”
He started at her words.
“Did she tell you that?”
“Yes.”
“Hmph,” the general grunted. “I don’t know why she’s even discussing her with you.”
“It’s not her fault. I asked about it.”
“Curiosity killed the cat, Mulan,” he chided, his voice firm.
Her heart sank with dismay as she noted the sudden coldness and anger in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I saw her in the back…”
He cupped her face in one hand and began to trace circles on her cheek with his thumb, his face softening. “It’s alright. There’s no need for you to look so upset. I don’t like to think about her anymore, that’s all. As you know, she went mad.”
“Yes. It’s very sad.”
“It is. But that’s what happens to people who can’t adapt to their situation and cope. I’m the master of this house and I set the rules. I always make sure to be good to everyone in my household. But when they don’t abide by my wishes, it makes it very difficult. Do you see what I mean?”
“Of course. You’re very kind and a very fair master.”
General Li leaned in and kissed her tenderly on the lips.
“Keep away from Fourth Mistress. She has never harmed anyone other than Yun, but just in case, stay clear. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, little one.”
“Does anyone even use that well that she always hangs around?”
“Not anymore. The servants are very superstitious about it now that two people have died in it. They view it as a place of bad luck and death. It’s complete silliness if you ask me. But as long as they get the water that we need, I don’t care where they take it from.”
“Two people died there?”
“Enough about the well, Mulan,” he answered sternly. “Come to bed.”
oooOooo
The general didn’t stay at home for very long. As he had predicted, the enemy rose up again. After being home for just three short months he had to leave once more. And though he’d spent nearly every night with her, two weeks after he left again her period began to flow.
She began to truly worry about her standing in the household now, wondering if Honglian had lost favor with the general because she hadn’t conceived either. Although he already had a grown son and several daughters with his First Wife, as well as Ping, his little son from Shan-hu. Wasn’t that enough children for him?
Left alone, bored and isolated again, she ventured out to the back of the vast garden one sunny day, making her way toward the well. She’d been dwelling on it ever since General Li had slipped that two people had died there. Who else had? And what had really happened to Honglian? Yun had called her evil, accusing her of purposely trying to harm her. But Mulan wondered if there was something else to it. Honglian was clearly a victim as well. Perhaps she was provoked when she cut Yun’s ear.
Yun was a sneaky one, she was coming to realize. Mulan was fairly certain that it had been Yun who told the general about her father’s sword and her practice, maybe to cause her to lose favor with him. In fact, her Second Sister had prompted her lately to think on a story that her father used to tell her about Zheng Xiu, the wife of the King of Chu.
Like every other officer of the Imperial army Fa Zhou had studied and committed Sun Tzu’s The Art of War to memory. In addition to the strategies and lessons of Sun Tzu, her father was aware of other, less honorable tactics.
“Hide your dagger behind a smile,” was one of the sayings he had repeated to her, going on to tell her anecdotes, such as that about Zheng Xiu.
During the time when China was divided into several states that were at war with each other, the King of Wei sent a beautiful courtesan to the King of Chu. His queen Zheng Xiu, knowing that her husband was taken with the girl, treated the newcomer as a sister, supplying her with gifts and treasures and whatever she needed.
The king hearing of this summoned his queen and said, “A woman serves a man with her beauty and thus jealousy is a part of her very nature. Yet you, knowing how much the new woman pleases me, have treated her more kindly than I have myself. These actions are those of a child to her parents or a minister to his ruler, how unexpected it is to find this in a queen to a woman that her husband is fond of.”
Zheng Xiu thus knew that her husband did not suspect her of jealousy. When she next met with the new courtesan she told her, “His majesty is much taken with your beauty but he dislikes the shape of your nose. When next you serve him be sure to cover it with your hand.”
Grateful for the advice, when the new courtesan next served the king this is what she did.
The next day the king asked his queen, “The new woman covers her nose when she is with me. Do you know why?”
“I know,” replied Zheng Xiu, but she offered nothing further.
“No matter how unpleasant you must tell me the reason.”
“It seems she does not like the way your majesty smells.”
In a rage the king ordered that the unfortunate girl’s nose be cut off.
“That’s what it is about her,” Mulan spoke aloud to herself as she made her way across the expansive yard, thinking about Yun’s serene demeanor and outwardly kind ways. “That is her tactic.”
Today Honglian sat underneath the large tree near the stone wall, staring into space, her lips moving deliriously but making no sound.
“Fourth Mistress?”
Receiving no response at all Mulan decided to try a different tactic, addressing her on a somewhat more personal level.
“Fourth Elder Sister?” she began.
Honglian’s lips stopped moving and Mulan knew that she had gotten through, at least a little.
“It’s a beautiful day today. Would it be alright if I joined you?”
“Younger Sister,” Honglian whispered.
Mulan smiled and crept closer.
“I wasn’t sure if you knew me. We haven’t been formally introduced.”
She took a seat on the grass, beside her but at some distance just in case. Honglian seemed more apt to harm herself than anyone else; but she didn’t want to take any chances lest the woman suddenly become frenzied and try to scratch her eyes out or something along those lines.
“My name is Mulan. How are you feeling today?”
Honglian closed her eyes, an expression of anguish and pain on her face.
“I won’t jump,” she repeated her usual mantra several minutes later.
“Not like the other two people, right?”
She received a nod in response.
“I know Shan-hu jumped, Fourth Sister, but I don’t know who the other person was.”
“Su.”
“Su? Yun’s daughter Su?”
“Su.”
A soft breeze blew and the weather had turned warmer. Mulan remained quiet, offering companionship without pressing Fourth Sister but glancing at Honglian every once in awhile to see how she was doing.
Honglian turned and met her gaze, intense dark eyes clear again as she reached one of her rare moments of presence and clarity.
“We’re not human beings here.”
“Of course we are. It’s just that he is the master and we have to abide by his desires.”
Her remark was met with silence.
“I know how lonely it’s been for you, Fourth Elder Sister. I get lonely here, too.”
“You need to get yourself a doctor like Shan-hu.”
She began to laugh hysterically, her remark and loud cackling completely jarring.
“A doctor?”
But Honglian had retreated back into her own world already, her laughter ceasing as suddenly as it had begun.
Mulan watched sadly as she stood up and drifted over to the well, beginning her usual circle around it, her pace becoming more and more frenzied with each circuit.
That evening she pondered over Honglian’s words about Su and her remark about Shan-hu’s doctor. Who was the doctor that Honglian mentioned? And why would Su, a little girl, jump in the well? Had she been playing too close to the edge and fallen in? Or had Su been killed for being born a girl, as had occurred to her when she first learned of Yun’s daughter; thrown in? And if Su had been thrown into the well, could it be possible that Shan-hu hadn’t jumped at all, as everyone suggested, but had also been thrown in?
Maybe that’s what Honglian’s cries of murder were about.
An involuntary shudder passed through her, creeping down her spine, radiating up into her neck and scalp, making her hair stand on end.
What if it was General Li that had killed Shan-hu? Was that the price one paid for failing to abide by his rules?
oooOooo
“Where are you from, Honglian?”
She didn’t necessarily expect a response, but every once in awhile Honglian emerged from her trance and answered. In the meantime, Mulan conversed with her, hoping to continue to draw her out by demonstrating that she had a friend there if she wanted one. And she liked being able to talk about herself to Honglian; it helped her stay in touch with who she was. It was so easy to lose touch with that in this place.
“I’m from Wan County,” she continued, not waiting for a response. “My father was Fa Zhou, a well-known general of the Emperor. He taught me some martial arts, enough that I can defend myself. And I learned how to horseback ride. I had a beautiful black horse at home. I rode him everyday. I wish I had a horse to ride here. But at least I can come out to this big garden and practice. I loved my father and I don’t want to forget the things he taught me, even if they aren’t things that women usually do. It’s the only thing I have left that I can honor his memory with.”
Mulan caught sight of Yun in the distance and ducked behind the tree quickly before she was seen. She peered around the trunk and watched as her Second Sister strolled away, into the main wing of the compound. Perhaps she’d seen her with Honglian and was on the way to report her to First Mistress, the next best thing to reporting her to General Li. Or maybe she hadn’t seen her at all.
She decided that it would be wise to end this one-sided conversation now and get back to the compound. Judging by the angle of the sun, it was time for the midday meal anyway. Besides, she was beginning to wonder if her own mind was beginning to snap, given that she sat and spoke daily to a madwoman that rarely answered at all, yet alone with a semi-coherent answer.
“It’s time for me to go in for lunch. I’ll come back and visit tomorrow, Honglian. Okay?”
Honglian gave no answer as Mulan stood up and headed back to the main wing.
oooOooo
“Aren’t you feeling well?” Yun asked as they sat together later that afternoon. “You look under the weather.”
She looked up with a start. “No, no. I’m alright. But…in case I do ever get sick, is there a doctor that the family uses?”
“Doctor Liang cares for the family now. General Li fired our previous doctor.”
“Wasn’t he any good?”
“Very good. And quite good-looking. But they had a bit of a falling out, I’m afraid.”
“Oh.”
Yun gestured for the servant to refill the empty teapot that sat between them.
“I’ve always been coming here, Yun,” Mulan began as the servant disappeared. “Maybe next time I should serve you at my house so you’re not constantly inconvenienced.”
“Nonsense. I enjoy having company.”
Moments later the servant returned with the newly-filled teapot and set it down. Yun dismissed him and turned back to Mulan.
“If you aren’t feeling well, you can let me or one of the servants know. Usually General Li would be the one to have the doctor sent for, but with him away, First Mistress will do it.”
“Oh.”
Mulan bit her lip, turning over a thought in her mind.
“Was Third Mistress ill?”
“Obviously. She committed suicide.”
“I mean physically.”
“She complained a lot about not feeling well. It was her way of monopolizing General Li so that he would be spending his time with her. He’d be here sometimes and would have to leave in the middle of the night because the servants came banging on the door, announcing that Third Mistress wasn’t feeling well and was asking for him.”
“Oh.”
“Why do you ask such a thing?”
Mulan shrugged casually. “I’ve been thinking about my father. He was very ill and in a terrible amount of pain before he died.”
“And you think he may have killed himself to end it?”
“I don’t know,” she sighed.
“No, Shan-hu was just overly dramatic and she found a way to manipulate the general into spending his time with her. There was nothing wrong with her physically.”
Later, as Mulan lay in bed alone, she put it together. Shan-hu must have cheated on General Li. That’s what Honglian’s remark that she should get a doctor like Shan-hu meant. Obviously their affair had come to light. The doctor was fired and Shan-hu was murdered. And Honglian had witnessed it.
She shivered and pulled her blanket tightly around her. Of course. Men could remarry, take as many wives as they wanted. But a widow was supposed to choose not to remarry; though there was no law prohibiting her from taking on a new husband, there was an unwritten expectation for women to remain faithful to their husbands even after their death. It was all the fault of some woman of high stature that lived hundreds of years ago and had set this example. Everyone had admired her virtue in making that choice and now all women had to live up to that standard.
And a husband could have an affair; it was his natural right for being born male. But not a wife; a wife could be executed for cheating on her husband. Even if General Li did throw Shan-hu into the well, the law wouldn’t recognize him as a murderer, as Honglian called him.
He was merely meting out justice for a punishable crime that had been committed.

*******
Chapter 5
Just a few days after her discussion with Yun about doctors, Mulan became truly and inexplicably ill. The first thing she noticed was that her period, which should have ended a week before, still flowed. She wasn’t in pain; but it was odd and she vaguely wondered if she ought to call a doctor in for that. It might have just been one of those things that happened to a woman sometimes. But then she became sick.
She was at the well with Honglian, one of her usual visits with Fourth Sister. They stood by the well together and Mulan watched as her elder sister peered down into the well, muttering that she wouldn’t jump.
“Mulan, come down here. Come down here.”
Mulan jumped back away from the well with a start, her body turning to ice. She could have sworn that the voice came from down inside the well. Was she starting to hear what Honglian heard?
Her head began to throb and she felt lightheaded.
“I have to go now, Honglian,” she managed to utter quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Fourth Mistress didn’t answer and Mulan began to walk back toward the compound, her vision blurring ever so slightly. Panic overtook her and she let out a soft cry, praying that she would make it back to the household. If she didn’t, there was no telling when someone would find her out there in the garden.
As she drew near to Yun’s home, she called out weakly. She never knew what happened next, blacking out before she reached the door to Second Sister’s house.
oooOooo
Doctor Liang was a matured man with a kind face and mostly grey hair, peppered with some of his original black.
Yun had heard her call out. When she’d opened the door she found her lying on the ground. The servants had brought her back to her rooms and Song had immediately sent one of the servants to town to fetch Doctor Liang.
Now that she’d rested for awhile, the doctor began to ask her questions about her health lately and how she was feeling before she collapsed. Carefully leaving out the part about hearing the voice in the well, she told him she’d felt lightheaded and had a headache.
“And my period has been flowing for longer than usual.”
“How long?”
“Two weeks.”
The doctor raised an eyebrow but said nothing for a minute. Then he spoke, clearly taking great pain to address his question carefully.
“Would you have had any reason to be taking any herbal, medicinal teas?”
She shook her head. “No. I just drink regular tea.”
“Hmm.”
He frowned and remained quiet.
“What makes you ask?”
“Just trying to narrow down what caused you to become ill. The fact that you’re bleeding for so long…are you in pain in this area?” he asked, indicating her pelvis and abdomen.
“No.”
She stared at him quizzically, wondering what he could possibly be thinking.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“I’m not sure. But your symptoms…” he hesitated for a moment. “You have symptoms like someone who has been taking abortion medicine.”
Mulan inhaled sharply, swallowing cold air, then spoke in a shaky voice. “Abortion medicine?”
“The bleeding. And that medicine doesn’t only cause abortion; it takes its toll on the body as well.”
“I only drink tea…” Mulan trailed off as a horrifying thought occurred to her. “Regular tea,” she continued, her voice shaking. “As far as I know it’s regular tea.”
She closed her eyes, a feeling of utter betrayal flooding her. The only tea she drank was that brought to her by the servants in her own rooms or when she was with Yun. No wonder she hadn’t borne any children. Someone had been slipping her abortion medicine. And who knew how many times it had been given to her, or for how long?
For months, most likely.
oooOooo
After her discovery about the tea, Mulan decided that she’d spent enough time in General Li’s house.
Doctor Liang came every day for several weeks to look after her. He ordered her meals to be brought to her rooms so she wouldn’t have to exert herself and she remained in her rooms, resting until she had fully recovered. Yun tried to visit her on several occasions to see how she was doing, but Mulan begged out every time, explaining that she was tired or had a bad headache that day. She had no proof that it was Yun who had arranged for the abortion medicine to be slipped to her, but she had a strong suspicion about it. And she was in no mood to deal with her or anyone else in that place anyway.
When summer arrived again, marking nearly a year and a half since Mulan had come to live in the Li household, the general still hadn’t returned yet. There was chatter among the servants in the household about rumors of Shan-Yu that they’d heard from the townspeople. He and his troops had instilled great fear in men far and wide in the Middle Kingdom. One rumor claimed that even officers of the Imperial army were struck with terror when they came face to face with this man.
Keeping a nonchalant façade to appear as if she paid no attention, she listened carefully as the servants talked, describing Shan-Yu and his men as ruthless barbarians that killed for the sake of killing, burning village after village of innocent civilians to the ground and leaving no survivors.
“Even women and children are not spared by these vermin.”
For the first time Mulan was genuinely concerned that General Li would not return home.
Despair began to set in and she feared that her utter loneliness and boredom was beginning to drive her insane. Desolation and sadness seemed to weigh on her heart, soaking into it like rain, and her mind became preoccupied with the sole thought that she had to leave before she ended up like Honglian.
Until the master of the house returned, if he returned, she was nobody there. She was the fifth mistress, the last wife, and though it was due to nasty doings that she’d borne no children, as she now knew, it was still a fact despite General Li spending all that time with her.
And what if the general never returned? What if he was killed in battle? She would never have sex again. And she’d have absolutely no status in the household; it bothered her that this should have become so important to her, but unfortunately, that was how it had to be. In this household, it was a matter of survival. The servants would treat her differently and she would be left, alone and abandoned, a widow before the age of eighteen. Roaming the grounds like an abandoned ghost, with no hope of bettering herself or having the companionship of a man ever again, there was no doubt she would end up like Honglian.
Or like Yun, who was so vicious and cut-throat for the very same reasons that Honglian was insane.
She was certain that she would be better off on the outside. Even before she left her parents’ house she knew that she would spend her life in slavery once she’d gone. If she hadn’t married she would have had to work. It was unheard of for girls to inherit land from their fathers; girls left home and married, becoming the property of their husbands. Or they became concubines to already-married men as she had; and became property of their masters. And if they didn’t become wives or concubines, they went to work, as servants or prostitutes. Whichever lot befell a woman, they were doomed to a life of slavery.
In the event that the general did return home, he’d be angry to find her gone; and disappointed. A tinge of sadness settled in her chest as she imagined the expression that would come to his face when he heard the news.
Her mind was made up. If she was going to be a slave anyway, she’d rather be one someplace other than the Li household, around people like Yun.
It would be necessary to travel light and as she gazed at the things in her rooms, she decided that only the belongings that she’d received from her father mattered to her. She dressed in his old training clothes, the hems of the sleeves and trousers now sewed up to fit her. Fa Zhou’s armor would have to remain behind; it was impractical to carry it with her. But she would never give up his sword; she would need to protect herself anyway. She packed a small bag with necessary toiletries and some of the small, more expensive items from her rooms. She could trade with them. Then she donned a cloak to keep warm, and to hide the fact that she carried a sword, and quietly left the place that had been her home for almost eighteen months now.
She stole across the courtyard in the dark of night and slipped out the front gate, glancing to the right and then the left. The road stretched out ahead of her in either direction beneath thick canopies of trees, disappearing into blackness. Town was north, to the left, and she decided to head in that direction. In the morning she would try to procure a horse in exchange for some of the jewelry that the general had bestowed upon her during the first month that she lived there.
A feeling of excitement and anticipation swept through her as she embarked on this new adventure into the next phase of her life. Yet she was anxious about it too, her stomach fluttering with nervousness. What if she was caught? The townspeople most likely knew General Li as well as the members of his household. She hadn’t been out of the compound in a year; but what if somehow someone recognized her?
And something else gnawed at her as she quietly hurried along the road, glancing back every once in awhile to see if the Li compound had disappeared from view yet. It was so large and imposing it seemed as if she wouldn’t ever get far enough away that it would finally vanish from her line of sight. She thought of Honglian, still wandering aimlessly in the back area of the garden, circling the well, lost in the miasma of madness punctuated with periodic moments of painful clarity. How terrible to become like that; and worse to have those clear moments where she became aware of her condition, of how far down she had fallen.
Mulan heaved a sad sigh and shook her head. Even as she left that life behind out of fear of ending up like Honglian, she was haunted by her own decision. As a concubine, her position was considered less than honorable; yet it was a value that was taught to her all her life and which she clung to still. And a part of her wondered if it was wrong to behave this way, even if it was to save her own life.
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A Tale of the Woman