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Mating Room 451	By : endofoblivion Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 4019 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Mating Room 451
- 1
An/ This is just some horrible thing I dreamt of one night. ZADR in a terribly amusing fashion, wild smut, brief appearance of mpreg. No relation to anything really, aside from my slow spiral into insanity.

Mating Room 451

It was just another long irritating packing day for Dib Membrane, expert box folder and top taper (not to mention wasted genius) from the newly conquered Earth. Newly of course, being a relative term to Irken society as he had been on the packing planet for almost 12 years and enslaved under his Irken oppressors for almost 14. Apparently, Earth had been reformed into a giant field planet, now hailing under the name ‘Manuralia’ or something equally stupid along those lines. A lot of agriculture went on there to provide the growing Irken army with it’s much needed nacho grains and fake cheese preservative.

Dib’s pride was of course wounded in a grievous manner by being a conquered race. However, he could hardly work up the ambition lately to contest it. He had taken on the mantra quite some time ago that no matter how hard you resist, you just end up getting hurt in the end. Thusly, he had resigned himself to his mundane fate, a mere shadow of his previous existence. If he had played his cards right, he could have ended up like his father who was working for ‘the enemy’ and aiding them in building their monumentally complex technology to take over yet more unfortunate planets. But Dib could never resign himself to that kind of life; it went against everything he held dear: his very being in fact. All he could do now, under intense observation (he had tried to start a few riots and ended up in prison briefly; it was only his monstrous ineptitude and ‘smeet’ status at the time that had saved him), was to mess up a few packing destinations and use faulty tape, a far cry from the old days when cracking codes and delving into a crazed Invader’s secret laboratory took up most of his time. However, it did give him a certain sense of pleasure to know that the alien ‘Zim’ had failed miserably in his mission and was considered a waste of time even by his own people. He had been sent to some fast food planet somewhere ages ago as repentance for his massive stupidity. It was a small victory for Dib, but a victory he thought of often, none the less.

“At least you have that going for you,” he giggled dementedly.

The dull day-to-day activities were very obviously beginning to get to him.

A disgruntled looking guard from planet CTHUGANSHORG, or something along those lines, marched up the aisles, eying each of the bent over humans with a sneer. The humans visibly tightened their shoulders and hunched ever lower hoping pitifully that they wouldn’t be on the receiving end of more Irken abuse.

“Earth male DIB!” he grunted.

The other humans around him gasped.

Dib gave a half hearted salute, “yes sir?”

“You’re coming with me,” it said, slapping some high energy cuffs on his wrist, “The rest of you, GET BACK TO WORK!!”

The stricken faces of a few overworked humans quickly snapped back down to their dull tasks. Dib gulped as he was led away, churning through the awful reasons he might be singled out in his head. Maybe they finally figured out who was ruining all those packing boxes and scrimping out on the peanuts. He had a horrible feeling about this, a really terrible downright dreadful feeling.

“Good afternoon, Human,” the giant cheerful wobbly alien said.

Dib sat on the pink overstuffed chair nervously. He was in a pleasantly decorated but obviously bizarre office. It looked like a psychiatric room of some kind.

“I suppose you’re probably wondering why you were escorted here,” the alien said flipping through a file.

“Yeah, just a bit,” Dib said shakily.

“Unfortunately, due to your…troubled smeethood, we had to use one of our larger guards,” the gloopy alien said sadly. “But do not fear, Box Packing Human, no physical harm will come to you!”

“So then,” Dib said, while arching his brow, “why exactly am I here?”

The alien guffawed, “Oh, you humans, always with your incorrigible questions! Well…hmmm, Dib, it seems….that’s a very easy thing to answer!”

Dib leaned forward, his eyes wide with horrible anticipation.

“You’ve been chosen for a mass interbreeding program masterminded by Irk,” he said cheerily.

It took a moment for this to sink in.

“WHAT?!” Dib suddenly shrieked.

“Yes, it is quite a stroke of luck, isn’t it? You see, they want to run a long, involved test that requires interspecies breeding in order to complete. Excitingly, you are one of the few races in space that breed using genetic donors and interlocking chromosomes which pleased the Controller Brains to no end! However,” and at this point the alien’s face dramatically darkened, “human genes are an utter cesspool of horrors. I mean the anomalies in skin diseases alone are just…ugh! Luckily for us there are some humans that are wonderfully fit for this operation, much like you! Imperfect eyesight is hardly anything to worry about and that is the only regrettable genetic trait you seem to possess! You’re simply perfect for this test! One of our first choices!” the alien finished with an extraordinarily pleased look on his face.

Dib sat stiffly for a few moments with his mouth hanging open, “Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! You want me to…BREED?!…with some…thing?!”

The alien blinked, “Indeed, yes.”

“I... uh, well…I don’t think I…” he stuttered.

“If the initial test is successful, you’ll be given a place to live with full access to privileges you’ve only hitherto dreamed of. Full use of most non-violent Irken technology, research material…even computers!” the alien said grinning while leaning forward.

“Damn,” Dib said under his breath, “that’s not too bad a deal, but still!”

The alien regarded him calmly.

He frowned, “Look I don’t know, mating with something…is a pretty serious thing with humans.”

The alien clasped his hands together. “If you refuse, we could always murder you and your family by throwing all of you, screaming, into the incinerators.”

Dib gulped, “Well, if you put it that way…I can’t really say no, can I?”

“Excellent!” the jiggly green fellow said. “You’ll report to the Mating Room 451 immediately!”

Dib was escorted by more armed guards down a long hallway. Things were dark and eerily lit, accentuating the glowing green numbers that marked each industrial looking door, while simultaneously accentuating Dib’s creeping dread. It took nearly 20 long minutes of twisting and turning until the door marked ‘451’ appeared alongside the wall. His escorts stopped and glared at him. He looked back at them in confusion. A moment later, he was thrown rather roughly into a large empty room to the sound of their raucous laughter.

As he looked around, he realised that the room wasn’t quite as empty as he’d thought. There was a large comfortable looking bed in the very middle with nice plushy pillows and soft bedding. He sat on the edge gingerly while rubbing his forehead despairingly. He was starting to have some serious second thoughts.

“I hope it doesn’t have tentacles,” he fretted, “or some hideous alien cavernous vagina thing or…ugh…” he shuddered. Visions of Lovecraftien horrors danced through his terribly panicked head.

To his surprise, the door suddenly opened with a clang and a very pissed off…someone was chucked through.

“Don’t you dare belittle me! I am ZIM!! You will obey!!”

You could almost hear the flushing noise in Dib’s head as all his horrible anxieties were eschewed into the ether, only to be replaced by this new horrific nightmarish reality. Nay, it was most assured he had taken on a reality more horrible then any he could have ever imagined!

Zim stared in confusion at Dib, while Dib just looked on dumbly with his mouth hanging open.

“YOU!!” they both said simultaneously, pointing at one another.

“If they think I’m going to…!”

“With you, of all Earth-stinks..!”

“You’re INSANE!”

“Your head is full of SMELL!!”

Dib paused for a moment. “Did you gain a foot?”

Zim suddenly appeared very proud. “Why yes, yes I did. A full foot and a half now. Feelmysupriorityearthstink!!” he shrieked gleefully.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m still a good head above you, ZIM,” he said, wearing a rather self-satisfied smile on his face.

“Eh?!” Zim said quizzically.

Dib stood from the bed. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I still am the nobler species here, Zim.”

“Feh! You’re puny race was conquered!” Zim said accusingly.

“Yeah, but not by you,” Dib replied with a grin.

Zim balked, but quickly regained his composure.

“So, Zim,” Dib said matter of factly, “what exactly are we going to do about our little problem here?”

“What problem?” spat Zim. “I’ve been given a great mission by my Tallest; to create soldiers for Irk!”

Dib blinked; he wasn’t really expecting that kind of response.

“So let’s get on with it, DIB WORM, and leave it at that!” Zim said waving his claw around.

Well that was unexpected…wait a minute…this is Zim we’re talking about here…

Dib smiled mischievously. “If you’re so into this, I guess that means you would know how mating is done?”

“Yes, yes of course I do. Very simple thing, you humans do it all the time,” Zim said dismissively.

“Ok…then what is it that we do exactly?” Dib said, a hint of mockery in his voice.

“What’s the big deal, Dib worm? We just have to….touch…fingers or something. That’s hardly worth my time!”

Dib started to laugh uproariously. Oh, the laughing he did. It was too much for him; he was virtually hunched over clutching his stomach.

“What?! I am ZIM!! What are you laughing at, you stupid human FILTH?!”

“You! Ha ha! You don’t even understand the concept of putting slot A into slot B and you’re going on about soldiers and missions! Zim, ‘mating’ as you so nicely put it, is a hell of a lot more complex than merely touching fingers!”

Zim was briefly taken aback but quickly regained his superior stance. “Well then, how do YOU do it, Dib worm!?”

Dib suddenly stopped laughing. “Well, we uh…there’s lots of wiggling and…” he paused for a very long time. How am I supposed to explain this? When two people love each other very much…Oh hell no.
“…and then Iputmyorganinyourorificeandthere’slotsofmoaningandwe’redone!” he finished in a single exaggerated breath.

Zim eyed him with suspicion. “Is that supposed to feel…good?”

“Well, yeah, it’s supposed to. I guess, although, girls have a differing opinion sometimes.” Oh god, he moaned, why the hell am I saying this?!

“Well I, Zim, am not a girl, and so I should be fine.” And with that admonition, he marched over and sat on the bed, crossing his arms in front of himself.

Dib slapped a hand to his face. ‘If you aren’t female, exactly how are we supposed to do this?!”

Zim shrugged, “I dunno. You’re the Earth stink, aren’t you supposed to know about all this?”

He sighed, “Well, I’ve never actually had sex…with anyone…before, so I have no idea aside from basic knowledge. And you’re an alien!!”

“Eh?! Useless, inexperienced…!” he hissed.

“HEY!” Dib shouted accusingly, “You don’t exactly know anything about how your species does it either! So quit blaming me!”

Dib sat beside him on the bed. “Look, since we’re stuck doing this horrible thing together on pain of death, let’s just try to be rational and figure this out.”

Zim acquiesced. “So, you’re supposed to stick your HORRIBLE flesh tentacle…somewhere. And that’s supposed to be on the bottom half of my SUPERIOR alien body.”

Dib rolled his eyes sarcastically. “Yeah that’s how it goes. Congratulations, you figured it all out.”

Zim arched his brow, “But there’s nothing there.”

Dib looked at him oddly, “Huh?”

“Yeah…there’s just…nothing there at all. No ‘orifice,’ or whatever it is your STUPID human self described,” Zim said staring at him in a superior manner.

Dib groaned, “Ok, maybe you just need foreplay or something.”

“Eh?!” Zim exclaimed.

“Never mind. Just kiss me, ok? And we’ll go from there.” Dib sighed pitifully.

Zim shrugged irritably and pursed his lips in an almost comical manner. Dib mentally kicked himself for every agreeing to such a thing and leaned in, landing a smooch directly on Zim’s weird, almost indistinguishable green lips.

Kissing an alien sure is weird, Dib vaguely noted.

His kiss must have been a little on the weak side, because Zim had grabbed his head and pulled him in rougher and closer. Their tongues touched and Dib noted that the whole kissing thing wasn’t too bad, at least considering whom he was sharing spit with at the moment. However, he wasn’t so sure how he was going to survive the slightly more embarrassing part later.

Zim broke away, “So now what?” he grumbled.

Dib gave him a glare, “Just let me handle this, ok? Kissing is something I actually know something about. And shut up for once!”

“HEY!” But Zim’s obnoxious replies were drowned out by another kiss.

Never would have figured, Dib mused, that kissing an alien wasn’t so bad. Especially when it keeps Zim from talking!

This way, he could almost forget that the most annoying person in the entire universe was kissing him back. But what to do to further this situation? He had no idea! Vague flashes of bad porno and cheap adult magazines danced in his head. He finally tossed those images aside for relying on sheer instinct. His crotch would most certainly contain the answer!

They fell to the side and rolled around on the bed. Dib began to explore the soft green skin available to his touch. What would an alien like, anyway? A smile creeped across Dib’s lips; he had an idea. He began to gently stroke the antennae whenever their lips pressed together particularly hard. Zim made a small whimpering sound and began to struggle.

“Stop it, Dib wor-!” Zim gasped, but he was cut off by the happy little purr he made whenever the antennae were touched.

Dib smiled cheerfully to himself. Stroking the antennae made Zim passive! Oh, happy day! What he could have done if he had known that information ages ago. Not that he would have done what he was doing now or anything, but he could have saved himself a whole lot of rage-filled screaming directed at his poor sensitive head.

Startlingly flushed and aroused, Dib realised how utterly boring his life had been without Zim. Why, he couldn’t even work up the effort to even try to escape, since ever seeing Zim again had been out of the question. Then they had reunited, and now, under most unfortunate circumstances, they were grinding against each other. Dib pressing his hands against cool green skin, Zim pressing his mouth and body towards his own…it was horrible but gratifying all at once! Repulsed and yet pleasured, Dib struggled with Zim’s clothes. His smaller alien companion returned the favour by beginning to peel off Dib’s packing uniform. They writhed and struggled, locking lips and passionately moaning as the clothes were tossed unceremoniously over the edge of the bed.

Another steamy kiss and then something unexpectedly grabbed Dib’s very hard organ and sucked it in.

Zim’s eyes grew huge, “YOU JERK!” and he promptly punched Dib across the face.

“OW! That hurt, Zim! You sucked me in there yourself!” he said flustered, rubbing his cheek, “Your freaky alien body did that on its own!”

Zim hissed at him and then looked around skittishly as though considering escape. “Well then…get on with it,” he finally mumbled.

Dib turned about seven shades of red and then did what he was told. It felt good, almost too good. The entrance was wet and malleable, containing a shock of heat that met each one of his thrusts. Zim was back to enjoying the moment, wriggling to and fro as Dib built up a slow but satisfying rhythm. Just then, his backside was grabbed and forced ever deeper into that warm alien orifice. Dib gasped; it was fantastic! He did it again, harder, at which point Zim shrieked. Dib started, wondering if he had hurt him, but was met with claws scraping down his back as an oblique notice to keep up the good work. It made him grin foolishly as he pounded harder into the most welcoming space, enjoying immensely the shrieking noises coming from his partner. Zim’s obnoxious voice had suddenly become unbearably sexy!

Without warning, Zim grabbed his hips and stopped him. He then proceeded to flip them over so that now Zim was on top and in control.

“INFERIOR earth-stink!” the little alien shrieked.

Dib laid on one of his most cocky grins at this new turn of events. “Try and best me, space boy!”

He met each one of Zim’s hard shoves with a strong thrust of his own. They were truly pounding each other now.

“HARDER, you useless HUMAN FILTH!!” Zim’s screaming demands were met with Dib’s own tactile retorts.

It felt amazing for Dib to be able to pound ruthlessly into Zim as insulting obscenities were screamed at him. It was as if with each thrust, he relieved all of the old built up tension he had when they were kids. All that anger and hate and annoyance was directed with wild abandon into Zim’s orifice, and Zim was absolutely loving every second of it. He could thrust as hard as he wanted, harmfully so, and the little alien took it deliciously, clamping down tightly and screaming louder. Zim’s claws were all over the place now, scraping skin off of his chest, thighs and arms whenever they slammed down together.

The pleasure was building to a maddening intensity, Dib gritted his teeth, “Zim, I’m gonna cum!”

His arms wrapped tighter around Zim’s waist and he slammed a final hard thrust into his body; a resounding shriek was heard coming from his partner as a frank tightness enraptured his pulsating cock in the last few moments of orgasm.

They fell to the side of the bed and began kissing and embracing passionately, clinging to the last few moments of afterglow. A few minutes passed, their eyes met and both their faces flushed with a horrid, sinking renewal of knowledge as reality began to kick in. Zim darted to the side of the bed and fell off with a thud, while Dib jumped up from the rumpled bed holding a pillow to his now limp crotch.

Zim cleared his throat, attempting to maintain a glare in Dib’s direction while gathering up his sheets, as Dib coughed into his free hand nervously and looked sheepishly over at Zim.

“I hope you don’t get the wrong idea, DIB WORM! We’re still enemies, you know,” uttered Zim, eyeing him carefully.

“Yeah, I know that,” Dib said, mustering up an equally hateful gaze.

“So,” said Zim.

“So…” returned Dib absently staring at the floor with a blush.

Zim paled and wrapped the sheets more tightly around himself.

“Uh, Zim, you’re looking a bit white. Are you ok?” uttered Dib as he struggled to put his clothes back on while still maintaining the pillow over necessary parts.

“Don’t be stupid, Dib worm. Of course I am!” he curled up more tightly into the blankets, shivering slightly.

“Zim, you don’t look ok.” A sinking feeling hit Dib’s stomach. What if having sex did something terrible to Irkens? Were humans even compatible? This was some kind of experiment, what if they hadn’t tested any of this! He couldn’t believe what he had just done!

BANG!

His thoughts were thunderously ceased. The door of the room flew open and the same guards that had thrown Dib into room 451, began to drag Zim and his sheets out.

“DIB!!” Zim squealed.

And then the door was suddenly closed. Dib stood there, rooted to the spot. For just a moment, Dib had seen a terrible fear in Zim’s eyes. It almost made him sick to his stomach; he didn’t want Zim to die! Suffer a little maybe; be brought down a peg, sure, but now confronted with his enemy after years of insane boredom…he totally snapped.

“ZIM! No!” he yelled, terrified, running towards the door. “No….I need you!” he cried banging against the door. “It’s just…it’s just not worth it without you! ZIM!!”

His cries were dutifully ignored.

***

Dib had been dumped back at the packing plant for almost six and a half months now. He hadn’t heard anything about Zim, about the experiment, or about any of the privileges he had been promised. Suffering from a deep depression, his packing was getting abysmally bad; he’d been electro shocked six times this week alone.

Dib rubbed his cheek absently; there was still quite a bruise there. Not to mention a few scratches on his body to remember that night by. He didn’t regret the amazing sex he had finally had after 22 miserable years of his life, but he wished desperately he could take a wire brush to his brain and scrub the mortifying thoughts running through his head at all hours concerning Zim naked, Zim on top of him, and Zim in a million other perverted guises and positions. It wasn’t like one could get any sort of alone time here, living in a bunker with over ten thousand other human slaves. It made for some very awkward morning showers.

“HUMAN MALE, DIB!!” an angry voice yelled.

Dib looked up from his tangle of tape on his poorly secured box to several very large, severe looking guards.

“Time to go!” they said gruffly, promptly cuffing him. They chained both his legs and physically lifted him by his arms, carrying him out the door.

“Uh, where are we going?” he asked, biting his lip.

Their angry faces didn’t seem the least bit interested in answering.

“Well, that went better then I thought it would,” he said to himself absently.

The apartment he was thrown into was actually pretty nice. There was a small kitchen, living room and dining room that all held various modern Irken styled sundries. But at the same time, it almost looked like they had taken Dib’s heritage into consideration as most of the stuff had vaguely familiar human purposes. He had been poking at the outfitted computer cubby (that had a very cool looking blue hued half moon shaped chair, much like Zim’s base, he had noted with a sigh) and learned to his joy that most information was commonly available over a universe-wide network. He could finally educate himself beyond middle school! Oh, the joy he was experiencing! Just then he heard a click behind him. Very slowly Dib rose out of the chair and turned to face…

THWACK!

“Ow, Zim! You’re ok! What are you…geez! Did you have to do that?” Dib yelled clutching his other cheek.

Zim said between gritted teeth, “I did it so you would have a matching pair, EARTH STINK!! Do you have any idea what I had to go through because of your HORRIBLE flesh tentacle?! DO YOU?!”

Dib blinked surprised, “No, not really.”

“WHY, YOU…!” apparently that had been the wrong answer because he got another harder punch to the stomach.

“Ow,” Dib whimpered, clutching his abdomen.

“They had to remove them out of my SQUIDLYSPOOCH! I was bloated for weeks like some HIDEOUS VILE THING!!” Zim said, waving his arms around dramatically.

“So you had a C-section?” uttered Dib, still clutching himself.

“AARRGGHH!”

But before Zim could land another blow, the door swung open behind Dib. In stepped a very angry looking purple haired girl that appeared to be about 6 months along.

“Dib…” she uttered.

“Oh Gaz! Thank god you’re here. Zim won’t stop--” At that exact moment Gaz landed a swift kick to him in the groin. He screamed and hit the floor.

“Thanks to you not being able to keep it in your pants, Dib, I’m part of this horrible breeding program now, too! You know what it’s like to be pregnant, Dib? HUH?!!” and she had grabbed him by his collar with her fist up to his face.

Dib was now holding most of the lower half of his body and wincing inwardly.

“I’m sorry?” he squeaked.

“You just don’t get it…”she said, staring at him bitterly.

Zim cackled, “Nice going, Earth Dib!”

Gaz leaned in real close to him, causing him to cease his laughter immediately.

“Don’t give me a reason to smash you unconscious as well, Zim! You’re just as much to blame as he is. If I didn’t know you were recovering from surgery, you’d be on the ground with him, nursing your broken squidlyspooch,” She hissed.

Zim gulped.

“And as for you, Dib, you won’t have another peaceful day as long as I live. I’m just across the hall, so mark my words, your unending misery will be assured!” she threatened.

With that final admonition, she stormed out the door and slammed it closed.

Dib groaned on the floor. “You know…I’m beginning to think my life sucks just a little bit more now than it did before.”

Dib heard a weird squeaking noise and then saw two little aqua eyes staring down at him.

“You don’t saaaaaay?” it quipped eerily.

“C’mon Gir,” Zim said, marching away from Dib who was still moaning on the ground, “We’ve got work to do.”

Dib groaned, wondering just what kind of work he was talking about. He staggered to his feet and limped towards the kitchen. He would eat a lot of really good Irken nachos, he decided, and possibly drown himself in Irken cola. It was the only real answer he could find to this most uniquely awful situation.

At least life will be more interesting, he thought, in a desperate attempt to cheer himself up.

“WEEEE HOO, HOO, HOO!!” the little robot yelled as it went exploding across the room.

He slapped his hand to his forehead, “Who the hell thought this was a good idea!”

***

The tallest sat in their throne room, sipping sodas and flipping through papers.

“Hey, Red, look at this!” Purple said, waving a pamphlet in Red’s face.

“What?” Red mumbled between half chewed chips.

“Zim and that big-headed human actually produced real, viable Irken soldiers!” Purple said, genuinely shocked.

Red snatched it out of his hands and scrutinized it closely. “Well, you don’t say. Huh. I am beyond amazed.”

“No kidding,” giggled Purple. “I just had him put in the program to get back at him for all the stupidity he’d caused around here.”

Red giggled, “Heh heh, yeah. But wait! I’ve got something to add.”

Red made a few notes on the paper and then pushed it into an electronic slot on a panel.

Purple nodded, grinning, “That’s perfect!”

“This ought to stir things up a little!” Red chortled.

They clinked their coke containers together in celebration of Zim’s impending doomy misery as the Massive rolled on in deep space, looming apathetically over all other interplanetary life.
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Mating Room 451