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Aventure Amoureuse	By : Baron Category: +M through R > Miraculous LadyBug Views: 5012 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction for adults. Miraculous Ladybug and its characters are not mine, and are the property of ZAG-inc. I make no profit from this and all characters are 18+.

Chapter List
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Felix drags you down the hall. He looked like Adrien and he makes you remember when he would drag you around by your wrist like this. It was a lot more fun when Adrien dragged you instead of Felix, this sucks. "Oh, buck up! Don't look so sad. We're going to have a lot of fun together, you and I!" Felix cackles as he revels in your misery. "I want to be with Adrien, I want to go back home to his room!" you protest. "Do you want to hear something really funny? I don't bloody give a happy shit what you want or don't want! Or shall I remind you of the cheeky little posters of you plastered all about the city?" Felix says as he squeezes your wrist hard enough that you thought he'd break it as he drags you out the front door into the courtyard where his Ferrari F8 Spider was parked. You really wished Adrien would come home and catch his cousin doing this. "Listen Felix, you've proved whatever point you were trying to make! Just let me go back inside!" you plead with the English nutter. "You're wrong. I haven't proven my point yet, but I fully intend to! Now belt up and get in the bloody car!" Felix shouts at you rudely. You thought the English were supposed to be polite. Apparently Felix missed the memo from the queen mummy or something. You begrudgingly comply and get in the car. You regret not bringing a knife along, his Ferrari would look a lot cooler with a thin silver racing stripe along paintjob. "There you go! That wasn't so hard, was it? Buckle up, or don't. I don't give a toss!" Felix says as he recklessly slams the Ferrari in reverse before whipping it around 180° and flooring it. You look over at the speedometer and notice it says: 300 kph on it as you watch the needle climb and Felix laugh madly and weave dangerously through oncoming traffic. "You're going to piss of the French cops! Trust me on this, Felix!" you explain as the velocity presses you into the seat. "They'll have to catch me first!" Felix laughs as he speeds past a military checkpoint and taunts the French soldiers with his Rule Britannia custom car horn.
You look over at Felix and quickly realize that the sanity in Adrien's family seemed to only be on this side of the English channel. "Where are you taking me, Felix?" you ask though gritted teeth as his driving makes yours seem like an elderly grandmother by comparison. "I got something to show you! It's tits, you'll love it!" Felix laughs as he speeds though traffic nearly hitting Luka and Marinette as he races by them and they swear at him in French. "You're going to kill someone, Felix!" you shout as you look back to make sure that your friends aren't roadkill. "Probably!" Felix cackles as he screeches around a corner. "Felix, listen to me! I really don't want to reenact the ending of Thelma and Louise with you! Slow the fuck down, man!" you shout as you see Parisians zip past you in a blur as Felix continues to drive recklessly. "Calm down, you tosser! There's no cliffs in France anyway." he chuckles as he continues to weave around oncoming cars. "I'm sure there's trains though! I don't want to reenact the ending of Dirty Mary Crazy Larry with you either, or Vanishing Point now that I think about it!" you shout as you rattle off several 70s car chase movies that Felix probably never heard of before. "Oh relax, spoilsport! I'm just having a laugh with you!" Felix laughs heartily. "Do I look like I'm laughing, asshole? I'm going to end up ruining your upholstery if you keep driving like a dickhead!" you shout as you watch him nearly run over Nino and Alya before slowing down to a reasonable 160 kph. "You're a sad arse, you know that? My cousin Adrien said you were cool, not a fucking pillock! Here, maybe some music will make you feel aces again." Felix says as he puts on What Do You Want From Me by Monaco on his expensive stereo system as he zips around Paris in his Ferrari. "Alright Felix, I'll give you this: At least you have decent taste in music... for a limey piece of roast beef!" you laugh before he slams on the brake pedal and smashes your already broken nose into the dashboard. "Why do you bloody Frenchies think you can fuck with us Brits, eh? You ALWAYS lose! You're worse than the damned Jerrys!" Felix laughs as you clutch your nose and blood pours through your fingers. "I'b nodd French, yew asshole! Dis isn't ober (sniff) This isn't over between us, pal! Not by a longshot! Fuck! My nose was already broken, you're going to make me look like Artie Lange at this rate!" you say as he punches the accelerator again. "It would be an improvement honestly. I don't know what my cousin sees in an ugly foreign twat like you in the first place." Felix laughs at you. "Is that what this is about? You don't want me dating Adrien?" you ask as you try to get your nose to stop pouring blood onto the Jagged Stone shirt that Adrien gave you. "I don't really give a bloody toss who my cousin puts his willy into to be quite honest with you. We're out here so I can teach you some history about France. It's right up your alley! Or rather, DOWN your alley!" Felix chuckles at an inside joke that made you worried. "Where are we going then? The Louvre? The Eiffel tower? The Arc de Triomphe?" you ask him as you try to think of historic French landmarks. "Not on your nellie! Those places are for tourists and wankers! (i.e. You) We're going to learn some REAL French history! The shit they don't teach foreigners here!" he cackles as he continues driving recklessly.
"What are you talking about? What French history? The guillotine or something? Adrien will be upset if you kill me... kind of." you say sadly knowing that Adrien was probably going to leave you when he finds out that you disobeyed him and left. "The guillotine? That sounds fun and all, but it would be over too quickly. I'm going to show you a much more fun place. We're going to be family someday, we should bond and become friends!" Felix smiles at you and makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He was definitely up to something bad. "You could be my friend by taking me home! I'm supposed to stay put like Adrien said!" you explain to your English captor. "You really are peevish, aren't you? I thought people from your country were supposed to be tough? You're a bloody milksop!" Felix glares at you. "Fine, asshole. We'll go see your French history, but can we PLEASE make it quick? I'm already on thin ice with Adrian after I sucked you dick." you explain as you snort blood back up into your head. "Blinding! That wasn't so hard, was it? See? I'm not such a bad chap, am I? I just wanted to spend a little bit of time with my cousin's mate. Don't worry, luv. We're going to have a cracking time!" Felix laughs heartily. Maybe you misjudged Felix. Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all. It's quite possible that the British just did things differently than you were used to in your home country. "Alright, Felix. I can play nice if you can... friend?" you say with a small hopeful smile. "Yes, that's it! We ARE friends, aren't we? I may come off as a bit barmy at times, but I'm quite fun when you get to know me. Sorry about the nose, but you don't refer to an Englishman as a limey. It's just not cricket. Consider yourself lucky that I only broke your nose. Had we been in the pub when you said it... I would have glassed you." Felix says arching his eyebrows seriously as drives down a narrow alley. If you were going to jump out of the car, it's too late now. The alley is too tight to open the door. "I don't think we're supposed to be hanging around back here, dude." you say as Felix drives into some sort of industrial zone that has signs that say: "Entrée interdite!" everywhere.
"Oh, will you relax? We're here to get a present for Adrien. I know he's rather cross with you for putting my knob in your mouth earlier, but this will make up for it! You'll prove to him that you love him very much and that you're strong and brave! He'll think that you're a real hard case! He won't be able to keep his hands off of you! You'll make him insatiably randy!" Felix says with a friendly smile. "I'm not gonna lie, Felix. That sounds awesome! I'd love to do something for Adrien that impresses him. He speaks multiple languages, and knows history and martial arts, he's a MUCH more impressive person than I am. What am I supposed to be looking for?" you ask as you sniff blood up your nose and return Felix's friendly smile. "Don't worry, you'll know it when you see it. As for being able to speak other languages: Es ist nicht so beeindruckend. Ich kann es auch." Felix laughs as he parks the car and gets out. "Are we stealing construction equipment or something? What are we doing here?" you ask as you get out of the Ferrari and follow Felix. "Don't worry, you're with your old pal Felix. It's not construction equipment that we're looking for, it's something better! You're going to love it, trust me!" Felix says as he walks by and spits on a rusty sign that says "Attention! N'entrez pas!" on it. "So how far is it? This area looks pretty rickety and abandoned." you say as you look around at several crumbling structures as you continue following him. "It's not far. It's right inside of that tunnel over there. You can't read French, can you?" Felix says as he points to a wet and cracked concrete tunnel with graffiti that says: "Tous morts ici!" in thick red spray paint with a skull painted on the wall next to it. "No, Felix. I can't read or speak French. Usually one of my friends will translate or explain it to me if it's important." you say as you walk over to the tunnel and peer inside of it. It was a wet tunnel covered in various types of French graffiti. The tunnel lead steeply down at a 45° angle. You could slide down quite easily, but would have an incredibly difficult time crawling back up. You squint your eyes to try and see the bottom. It was very dark down there, no light source whatsoever. You could faintly make out some grey sticks or twigs at the bottom, but you really couldn't tell what they were. "Don't worry, Bezzie! Tous morts ici simply means entryway in French." More accurately it says: Here's the entryway. It's a rough translation admittedly." Felix says with a warm reassuring smile. "Oh, ok. Thank you, Felix. Maybe I was wrong about you. You seem like a pretty cool dude after all." you say as you look into the slippery tunnel. "Thanks um... dood. I knew that we would get along swimmingly! Well go on, after you." Felix says gesturing toward the tunnel. "You want me to go down there? Dude, I can't climb back up that wet shaft!" you explain looking down at the lack of things to grip and pull yourself back up if you were stupid enough to venture down there. "I don't expect you to go all the way down there. Don't be ridiculous! I just want you to grab that gemstone out of the wall over there, and we'll go take it back to cousin Adrien. He'll be so happy that you were brave enough to get it for him! He'll probably shag your brains out!" Felix giggles happily. "I don't see any gemstones, just graffiti. What are you talking about, man?" you say as you squint and peer inside a little further. "Look closer! Don't be such a bloody melt! It's right in front of your face!" Felix says pointing at a darker area of the tunnel. "Dude, I'm telling you! There's NOTHING here!" you argue as you lean into the tunnel.
"There absolutely is. There's writing on the wall. You just have to read between the lines. I can see it quite clearly. It says simply... my cousin can do better!" Felix says as he kicks you into the tunnel. You scream as you rapidly slide on your stomach down the wet and filthy tunnel. You land in a sharp pile of dry sticks with a hollow clatter when you reach the bottom. It's wet and dark and smells very musty down here. It doesn't seem like anyone's been down here for a VERY long time. You push your body up onto your palms as you look at the pile of hollow sticks that you collided with, and realize that they're not sticks or branches at all. They were bones. Human ones. You recognize the familiar shape of dry human skulls and femurs covered in thick spiderwebs. There were bones and skulls imbedded into the walls of the underground labyrinth that you found yourself in. Thousands of them. "Felix! What are you doing? This isn't funny! What is this place?" you shout up at a laughing Felix at the top of the unclimbable shaft. "It's your new home, Bezzie! Historic Paris! You want a history lesson? Allow this proper Englishman to introduce you to Les catacombes de Paris! I'll go back to the house and inform cousin Adrien that you WON'T be joining us for evening tea! He doesn't need some manky commoner in his life anyway! Oh, and by the way... thanks for sucking off my bell end, you fucking cunt!" Felix shouts at you from down the shaft before he pushes something heavy in front of the entrance leaving you in complete darkness in the musty catacombs. You soon hear him start up his Ferrari and speed away.
You sit in the pile of dry bones and remember Aru's warning: Beware of the the blonde man with the green eyes.
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Aventure Amoureuse