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Cursed	By : darknessandlight Category: +1 through F > Beauty and the Beast (Disney) > Beauty and the Beast (Disney) Views: 3248 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Beauty and The Beast and its characters belong to Disney and not me. I only own all original characters in this story. I make no profit from this fanfiction story.

Chapter List
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(Chapter Nine: Half-Hearted)
After Belle and Adam get into bed, he tells her goodnight before pecking her on the lips.
Then he turns his back and she turns hers as they turn in for the night.
But the more Belle attempts to fall asleep, the harder it becomes. It’s her heart which is keeping her up and away from the dream world.
It feels like it’s been stabbed a million times with Adam’s dagger. Yes, it’s true that they haven’t made love since their wedding night and that she hasn’t attempted to initiate lovemaking between them since then.
But aren’t men supposed to be the ones who initiate, both in courtship and in the bedroom?
It’s one thing that Belle hasn’t felt the desire to be with Adam. It’s entirely another, that he hasn’t pursued her or seemed to desire her, either.
Despite her lack of physical yearning for him, it doesn’t stop her from constantly hearing a tormenting voice telling her that somehow, she isn’t attractive enough for him to seek out her love.
Her sense of self-worth has taken a major plunge these past few weeks.
It’s gotten so bad that she bursts into tears a few times a day, has been eating a lot more than usual which has caused her to gain some weight in her thighs, derrière along with a little pooch on her stomach, sleeps in a lot more and has lost interest in reading and whenever she does manage to pick up a book, struggles to concentrate on what’s in it.
The more she ruminates on it, the smaller she feels, until her sharp and deeply cutting sorrow rises to her temples.
She leaps out of bed as she bursts into tears before running out of the room, in a fit of sobs.
It turns out that Adam is still awake and now, his face appears haunted as he helplessly stares ahead at nothing.
~*~*~
It’s the next day and Adam has asked Belle to take a stroll with him down a forest path as he walks Sultan, the castle dog and former footstool.
“I thought I’d show you, I can be more than a spoiled Prince,” he eventually tells her when she mentions that he usually has a servant walk Sultan.
Soon after that, Sultan takes a huge dump on the side of the road.
Adam makes a comically revolted face, at the mountain-sized pile of wet feces before holding his nose in a mockingly snobbish way.
Belle subtly smirks at him.
“There’s the Prince we all know and love,” she half jests.
After keeping his eyes on the offending crap and grimacing at it, as it viciously taunts him and the flies circling around it, laughs at him, he finally looks away.
“Disgusting!” he proclaims of it as they start drifting along, again.
“How do the servants deal with that, day after day?”
Belle looks straight ahead.
“Well, I guess they deal with it the same way I deal with our marriage. They just bare it. Just barely,” she tells him.
Adam is unable to reply as he senses the trenchant resentment and scathing accusation, in Belle’s words.
It stabs him like a knife and stuns the reply right out of his mouth.
He knows just as well as she does that something has been way off kilter, in their relationship, ever since the night after their wedding.
He’s been holding a lot in along with keeping a lot of secrets from her and that’s been slowly eating away at him as much as he’s tried to hide it.
But that’s why he brought her out here. To finally talk openly about it all.
Of course, he was very terrified of finally facing all of this, head on.
But he told himself that he should at least ask her on a walk and then if he brings things up, he does.
Adam takes a deep breath.
“Belle, we need to talk,” he rattles out.
He is startled when she says the same thing, at the exact same time.
The only difference is that she says, “Adam, we need to talk.”
Their breaths quiver as they sigh with their eyes positioned in front of their feet.
Adam gulps.
“Well—it’s good to know that we’re on the same page,” he says, his voice tense with anxiety.
He eventually pushes ahead.
“I know that—I’ve been very neglectful when it comes to giving you attention—and sex—and I really apologize about that. The last thing I ever wish to do, is to hurt you, Belle. But I feel that it would be best for both you and I, in the long run, if I am finally honest with you about a few things.”
Belle’s expression appears stark.
“Is it th-that—you think I’m ugly!” she throatily and creakily utters, her pain evident in her voice.
She covers her mouth as all the emotions she’s been holding in since the beginning of their walk, bursts from her eyes with her voice muffled by her hand.
As her eyes keep pouring, Adam rushes in to tightly embrace her.
“Aaaw, Belle. I can’t bear seeing you like this. I don’t want you to be in pain. I don’t,” he says from the depths of his aching heart as she rests her forehead, on his chest.
With her arms folded against her own body, she uncovers her mouth which causes her sobs to sound more pronounced and clear.
“But you don’t love me! You think I’m ugly!” she wails.
He starts rocking side to side with her still in his arms.
“Oooh, Belle. You’re not ugly. Gaston wouldn’t have pursued you, if that were the case. Even I can admit that he was a very handsome man, villainous or not. You told me yourself that everyone in your town wanted him and yet he only wanted you. That should tell you something, right there.”
Belle feels fiery emotions rising within her, at his words. He just doesn’t get it.
“But I don’t care if Gaston is attracted to me, Adam! I care that you are! He may not think I’m ugly but you obviously do!”
Adam closes his eyes as he keeps rocking her before a tear pools down his cheek.
“Belle—I like men,” his tenor voice vulnerably and faintly says.
Belle’s eyelids fly up as she sharply gasps.
Then her eyes become like round, broad stones for few moments.
“Adam, stop!”
His eyes flash open as dread overtakes him at the seemingly hostile tone, in her voice.
She pushes his body away to let him know she wants him to release her and he painstakingly does so while feeling stunned, at the same time.
Finally, after folding her arms, her red, swollen eyes gaze up at him.
“Can you—say that one more time?”
Adam stares at her, his heart feverishly racing in his chest.
This is the moment he feared the most. He worried so much, how she would react to this. It seems like it’s not going to be well.
He struggles to get words out as he stutters before he finally regains his bearings and voice.
“I’m attracted to men, Belle.”
Her body stiffens, at hearing the words, again.
Adam puts his hands up.
“But don’t get it confused. I’ve been attracted to women in the past—and men. Belle, while I was The Beast, I was in love with you. I know that for certain because the spell couldn’t have been broken, otherwise. I was emotionally in love with you—”
The pain she’s feeling is visibly palpable.
Adam gazes at her with empathetic sorrow in his eyes.
“But not physically,” she finishes his sentence.
He sighs while looking away.
“Yes—” his voice drifts off.
Belle’s eyes, linger on him.
Her vision drops.
“I have something to confess, too,” she tells him.
He curiously looks at her.
“What’s that?”
She folds her lips, together.
“I was emotionally in love with you, too—but not physically—because you weren’t human. At least that’s how it seemed. But then you did become human and those feelings I thought would come, never did.”
Adam appears baffled.
“Well, then—why are you so upset that I feel the same way?”
Belle weakly smiles up at him.
“I think it’s just my ego. I can still tell on a surface level that you’re very handsome, you know? Plus, I had all these expectations that our love would be completed once you became human, again. I guess I’m feeling a bit devastated about that not happening.”
Adam’s eyes remain on her as if trying to grasp what she’s saying.
“You know, Belle. I may be handsome. But I’m far from a good person. Before I became a beast, I did some very bad things. I hurt a lot of people. Both men and women.”
Belle’s eyes narrow.
“What do you mean?” she says.
He continues while hiding his eyes from her in his shame.
“I had an intense appetite when it came to all things carnal. I exploited the bodies of my male and female subjects and they indulged all my kinks, no matter how deviant. I treated them like they were beneath me. Then it was like I never knew them.”
All Belle can do is stare at him. Her ears are simply not accustomed to hearing things of such an unchaste nature and she could have never imagined Adam being that way. Sure, he can be cantankerous and a bit arrogant. But that’s not nearly the same as what he’s just confessed to her.
He keeps speaking.
“Then I made the mistake of using the wrong person. After it was over, she revealed that she was a faerie in disguise and would pay me back for the disgraceful way, I’d treated her. I didn’t believe her. Then one night, an old, haggardly woman knocked on my door. People had been knocking on my door, all night and I told the servants to ignore it. Finally, I got fed up and answered it, myself. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Did I deserve to be turned into a beast by her? I don’t know. I often wondered why she didn’t turn me into a succubus, instead. Oh, yeah.”
He chuckles.
“I’d probably enjoy that too much.”
Things are quiet for a short time.
“Adam—have you ever thought about what compelled you to behave the way you did?” Belle says.
Adam appears to be reflecting on her words.
“I did have a lot of time while I was The Beast to think about those things and I think maybe I was covering up my shame and guilt from being attracted to men. I didn’t end up with men nearly as much as I did women. But whenever I did, it would fuel my urge to be with ten times more women.”
Belle shakes her head up and down with intrigue.
“It was a vicious cycle. And I was aware enough to know that people didn’t want to be with me for me. Instead, they wanted to because I was a member of royalty. Wealthy. Handsome. I heavily resented that, believe it or not. Sometimes, I longed to be like everyone else. But then again, if I didn’t have those things, I wouldn’t have access to so many partners. It was an impossible situation.”
“Yeah. That makes sense,” Belle says.
Belle gazes down at her fidgeting hands.
“So, what are we going to do now, Adam?”
Adam nibbles on his lip.
“I don’t know. What do you think we should do?”
Belle ruminates on that.
“I don’t think we should make any big decisions, right now. I think we should take as much time as necessary to come to a decision that we both feel comfortable with.”
Adam subtly smiles at her.
“Sounds good to me.”
~*~*~
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Cursed