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The Epic of Dib	By : Fuzzbeast Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2991 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: "I do not own Invader Zim or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story."

Chapter List
- 1-Ch. 1
- 2-Ch. 2
- 3-Ch. 3
- 4-Ch. 4
- 5-Ch. 5
- 6-Ch. 6
- 7-Ch. 7
- 8-Ch. 8
- 9-Ch. 9
- 10-Ch. 10
- 11-Ch. 11 (Bonus Chapter/Deleted Scenes)
- 8
- 9
- 10
Author Note: This is the beginning of chapter 9 of this story. Warnings for gay alien sex, with Dib/Skoodge/Zim this time. Fun stuff!
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Chapter 9:
All the commotion with Tak joining and Lard Nar's new egg had finally died down and I was just taking a breather for a few days. As such, I was spending more time at our beautiful house, enjoying my rooftop patio. Skoodge had joined me this morning. He still didn't live with us, but it was something I was thinking of bringing up with Zim. As it was, he did spend a lot of time at our house, just hanging out with us, so it almost already felt like he lived here.
I was walking around, just watering my plants. Skoodge was admiring all my flowers. "Oh, Dib, sir, this one is quite pretty!" he said, pointing at a large purple flower. I chuckled. "You really like flowers more than Zim does." "Huh? Oh, well, we don't really have flowers on Irk. I mean, we have plants that we grow for food, and some of them have flowers on them, but no one just grows flowers for the fun of it, like you do." "Yeah," I answered, "I didn't use to care much about gardening, but ever since I got this patio, I thought it'd make it look nice. Now this is my favorite place in the whole house!" Skoodge nodded. "You know what? It's really pretty up here. Do you think, maybe, after you take over Irk, that you can put some flowers there, too?" he said. I turned and smiled at him. "I don't see why not!" He smiled back and hugged me.
We spent a few hours just enjoying the weather and the beautiful scenery up on the roof before we went back downstairs. Skoodge very kindly made us some lunch, but I insisted on making dinner. I made some cakes and cookies for Zim and Skoodge, but I pan-fried a steak and some veggies for myself. I knew neither of my Irken lovers would want steak, but I was damn pleased with my work. I even wore a ruffly pink apron like Zim and I had joked about forever ago in Blortney's diner. Zim finally came up from out of his underground lab rooms to join us for dinner. We always had dinner together at the end of the week, and after that, we had our customary 'bonding' time. This was Zim's idea; basically, even though we had sex constantly anyways, once a week we'd get together to have a threesome to 'reinforce our bonds' as Zim put it. Tonight was that night. Skoodge always got so excited on these nights, and gushed with excessive affection for both Zim and I, and tonight was no different. "Oh, Dib, these cakes are delicious!" he exclaimed. "Mmmm... They are good!" Zim said around his full mouth. "I don't suppose either of you want a bite of my steak?" The both wrinkled their faces in disgust, which made me laugh. "Oh, hey," I said, "I forgot to get us the drinks." "Don't worry," Skoodge said as he got up, "I'll get them!" He walked over to the fridge. "How about some Zoopy juice?" "Sure," I said; Zim nodded. The Zoopy fruit was a local fruit that the Voonians had discovered and cultivated a long time ago. Even though Irkens didn't eat a lot of fruit in their diet, the Zoopy was very high in sugar and thus, both Zim and Skoodge enjoyed drinking its juice. Skoodge brought our glassed back to the table for us, and we enjoyed our meal thoroughly.
After dinner, we rested for a few hours, just letting our food settle. I could tell Skoodge was excited anticipating our later lovemaking because he kept hugging me, and every time he did I could feel the tip of his semi-erection poking out against my leg. It reminded me of an over-excited dog. I kissed him on the forehead and told him to be patient. Finally, I sensed the time was right and got up off to couch to head upstairs. Zim noticed and got up to follow me, with Skoodge eagerly following behind. I walked into our bedroom and Skoodge ran over and hugged me tightly. "Calm down, Skoodge, you always get so excited," I teased. "I can't help it! You and Zim always make me feel so good..." he replied. I wiggled free of his grasp and started undressing. Zim grinned and winked at me, doing the same. Skoodge just stared for a few seconds before he also pulled off his clothes.
I settled down on the bed, completely nude. Skoodge hesitantly approached, suddenly acting shy despite his earlier demeanor. "Um, Dib, sir," he said meekly, "I was wondering...if you'd teach me how to do that mouth thing that you do to me. It's so nice, and I want to do it for you too..." I smiled at him, "Oh, you mean give a blowjob?" He nodded and Zim chuckled from behind him. "We'll teach you then!" Zim said. I sat up, resting my back against the bed's headboard. I motioned for Skoodge and he settled on his hands and knees between my legs. Zim approached him from behind, pressing his erection against Skoodge's entrance. Skoodge moaned softly and leaned backwards, pressing Zim further in. Zim obliged by pushing in all the way. Skoodge shuddered and whimpered, waiting for our further instruction. "Now, don't mind me back here," Zim said, "but I'll help you out. The first rule is no biting!" "Yes, sir," Skoodge moaned out softly. Zim reached a hand around, stroking Skoodge's erection softly with his hand. Skoodge trembled and whimpered a bit. "Okay, Skoodge," I said, "What you want to do is just lick it a bit at first." I gestured to my penis. Skoodge dipped his face down, running his slender tongue over my shaft. I moaned softly and stroked his antenna to encourage him. Skoodge grew bolder and ran his tongue over the tip. "Okay, that's good. Now, just take it into your mouth and suck gently. No teeth!" Skoodge complied, lowering his mouth over my length and giving it a gentle suck. I stroked his antenna some more as a reward for his good work. I used one hand to gently guide him up and down in a bobbing motion. Once he'd gotten the idea, I let him do it on his own. He seemed to be a quick learner as he increased his pace and rubbed his tongue up and down my shaft as he went. I noticed Zim was thrusting gently now and from the expression on his face, seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. I continued to stroke Skoodge's antenna as he sucked me off. Zim's pace increased as he stroked Skoodge's erection even faster, and Skoodge was now moaning around my penis. I could feel the excitement and pressure building. Skoodge seemed to sense this and went even faster. I was tensing now, so close... I could hear Zim's moans growing more desperate and Skoodge was trembling around me, little moans and whimpers escaping his mouth. Finally, I shuddered and came hard. Much to my surprise, Skoodge swallowed all of it without missing a beat. Skoodge pulled his mouth off of me and shrieked as he spasmed, spurting his seed all over Zim's hand. Zim thrust into him a few more times, before he shuddered out his release as well. We all lay down together afterwards. Skoodge was still panting a bit when he snuggled up next to me; Zim lay down on my other side. No words were needed at this point as we drifted off to sleep.
I awoke in the morning with Zim standing over me. Skoodge was gone. "Hey, Zim," I said sleepily. "Good morning," he replied. "Where's Skoodge?" I asked. "Downstairs, making us some breakfast." "Oh, actually, Zim, I wanted to talk to you about him. I was wondering if it'd be okay with you if we invited him to live with us. I mean, I love him, and I suspect that you do too, so I was thinking he could live with us a permanent partner." I waited for Zim's reply. "You know what, Dib? That's fine by me. I do love him, maybe not as much as I love you, but it's still love, so I'd be fine with him living here. There's no reason I can't expand the underground rooms if he needs extra space, and he can have the spare bedroom if he wants." I chuckled. "Oh, Zim, you know he's gonna be in our bed every night, don't you?" Zim laughed; "Yeah, no doubt he will be. We'll need a bigger bed!" "Can you get one?" I asked. "No problem!" Zim said.
After that, we went downstairs for breakfast. Skoodge proffered Zim a plate of waffles and some eggs along with waffles for me. The eggs weren't chicken eggs, of course, but the local bird-like creatures they kept made eggs that tasted pretty darn similar to me. I thanked him as I took my plate. "Hey, Skoodge," I said after he'd sat down with his own plate. "I have a proposition for you." Skoodge looked up at me in interest. "Zim and I were wondering if you'd like to come move in with us." His face lit up, "Really, live with you and Zim?" "Yep," Zim said as he stuffed his face with food. "Oh, yes sir! I'd love to!" Skoodge exclaimed. Then it was settled. Skoodge moved in the same day. It turns out he had been renting an apartment and didn't have all that many belongings, so it didn't take him too long. Zim expanded the underground rooms so Skoodge would have a place of his own to work, and although Skoodge stored some of his personal belongings in the spare room, my suspicions that he'd want to sleep with us every night were correct. Zim had managed to replace the bed with a bigger one so that we could all fit comfortably, and I even made a little cloth Skoodge doll to sit next to the ones of Zim and I on the bedside table.. Skoodge settled in nicely, and it all felt so perfect.
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Now that it's been nearly a year since I left Earth, I realized it was probably time to go visit Dad and Gaz. I had been sending them messages, but I hadn't told them about what I was doing here on Voon, about the Resistance, or the fact that I might die in the upcoming battle. I decided it was time I told them the truth! Dad would want to know what I was doing, especially if I ended up dying...
I told Zim and Skoodge about my plans to travel back to Earth to inform my family of what I'm doing. They agreed to come with me. I also let the Resisty members know I'd be gone for a week or two. Lard Nar said he could hold down the fort, so to speak, while I was gone. My lovers and I had already packed up the old Shuvver in preparation for our trip. Lard Nar had offered to give us a ride in the Nirvana but I pointed out that leaving Voon without it's flagship for defense was a bad idea. He finally agreed and relented. Lastly, I sent a message to Gaz so she and dad would know to expect us.
Now, I stood in front of that mirror in my bedroom on the Nirvana. The Shuvver was docked and ready to leave once we are, and Zim and Skoodge were making the last of our preparations. I checked myself out in the mirror. A lot had happened and I sure had changed. Zim had given me new glasses, these made with a stronger frame, I now had an alien device grafted into my spine, and my hair had grown out quite long. In fact, it now reached down past my shoulders by about six inches. I peered at my reflection. "Wow, my hair's so long I could be in a shampoo commercial," I joked aloud to myself. "Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful!" I said as I struck a pose. I laughed after that; that sounded so stereotypically gay! Oh well, I had grown to like my new longer hair, so I didn't bother to cut it. I'll just leave it as it is. My communicator beeped. "Hello," I said. "Hey, Dib, the Shuvver's ready!" Zim said.
Zim, Skoodge and I passed the trip back to Earth pretty easily. We 'parked' the shuvver, hovering in cloaked stealth mode, above my Dad's house. I climbed down with Skoodge directly onto the house's roof. From there, we used the hatch into the attic, and finally down to the proper second floor and down to the living room. Zim would join us once he was finished calibrating the 'hover parking' on the ship to make sure it didn't move accidentally in the wind. Dad and Gaz were waiting for us since I'd sent them that forewarning message.
"Hey, guys, right on time..." Gaz said in her usual dry tone. "Why hello! It's good to see you both after so long!" Dad exclaimed. Suddenly, he paused and stared strangely at Skoodge. "Gee Zim, you've really put on some weight..." he finally said. Just then, Zim popped in from the stairway. "No I haven't!" he yelled. Skoodge looked so adorably confused I just laughed. Dad looked quite confused as well. "Then...who is this?" he said, gesturing towards Skoodge. "Um..." I said as I tried to figure out how to explain this. "I'm Dib's secondary lover!" Skoodge proclaimed proudly. "Secondary lover?" Dad said, sounding just as confused as he looked. Gaz just laughed; "Geez, Dib, it won't be long before you're sucking cock in an alien truck stop!" "Shut up!" I hissed angrily. I turned back to Dad and used the most even tone I could muster; "This is Skoodge and it's not uncommon in Irken society for people to be polyamorous, so I've taken him as my secondary lover. I do love him, so that's what you need to know..." The look on Dad's face was just so priceless; like a mixture between shock, weariness and resignation. I almost felt guilty for all the nonsense I'd put him through over the years... He finally sighed and just threw up his hands in a defeated gesture. "That's fine, then, Dib. So long as it makes you happy and he loves you too..." "Oh, don't worry, I love Dib with all my brain!" Skoodge piped up, "and I feel very privileged to be part of this relationship; Dib is an incredible lover! I'm truly fortunate to have experienced this in my lifetime!" My face turned beet red at that inappropriate comment. "Skoodge, that's not an appropriate thing to say!" I sputtered out. Gaz just starting laughing so hard I thought she'd pass out. "That - that sounds like bullshit!" she said between her laughter. Skoodge just looked baffled.
Once Gaz's laughter had died down, both she and Dad started staring at me oddly. They must have finally stopped to take the time to look at how I'd changed. It occurred to me that I must look like quite a sight with my long hair, braid in front, Skoodge's bone necklace and Zim's small glass heart necklace on at the same time. "Um, son, did you kill your own necklace?" Dad asked. "Uh, no, Skoodge killed it." "It's a love offering!" Skoodge said happily. Dad just nodded mutely. Gaz just snickered. "You know what? 'Dances-with-gays' over there is looking pretty good, despite his weird attire," she said to Dad. We all had a bit of a laugh about the whole thing.
We talked for a bit, but then Dad asked me what I had been up to lately. I knew I'd have to tell him about the whole resistance thing eventually, but I had been dreading it. "Dad, Gaz," I began carefully, "I have something to tell you both..." They both waited expectantly. I took a deep breath; "I've joined the anti-Irken Empire resistance, to save the Earth and other planets from Zim's people. Zim and Skoodge have joined me in opposition to the Empire's destructive planet-conquering ways..." Dad looked momentarily stunned, and even Gaz didn't say anything. I could tell that she wasn't all that surprised though. Dad, however.... "Um, son, what do you mean? Are Zim's people unfriendly?" I tried to explain as best I could. "Dad, the Irkens are a militaristic imperialist society that spends all their time trying to conquer and enslave other races. Zim originally came here to do just that, but well, as you can see, I helped change his mind... Anyway, we've joined forces with the resistance movement to help save the Earth, as well as a lot of other people and planets."
Dad looked so worried and sad, it broke my heart. "Son, that sounds so dangerous..." "Yes, it is. There's a chance that we could all be killed in combat," I said quietly. Zim and Skoodge stayed silent, their expressions serious. "I don't want you to die for a bunch of aliens!" Dad yelled. I could tell this new information was paining him. "Can't you just quit and do something less dangerous?" I understood the way he felt, but I was feeling a bit exasperated. "Dad, do you not understand?! It's only a matter of time before the Irken Empire makes it to Earth. I'm fighting to save the Earth! To save everyone! And not just the people on Earth, all my friends on Voon too! They're counting on me! They're like my family now!" Suddenly, I knew I had misspoke. The hurt on Dad's face was evident. "Oh, dad, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that..." I said quietly. Dad remained silent for a few tense minutes before he finally spoke. "Dib, I haven't been a very good father to you over the years." "No," I protested, "I know you love me; you're a good dad; I mean, you always remembered to feed us..." "No, son, raising a child using prerecorded messages was not the right way. I remember when you were 5 years old and your classmates thought your father was a floating head on a monitor. My point is, I haven't really been around for you and Gaz as much as I should have. I can understand why you'd choose a bunch of aliens over me..." "Dad..." I whispered, on the verge of tears. "Dib," he said, "I'd like to make it up to you, if you'll let me. I'd like to come join you on Voon, and help you in any way I can." "You want to move that far away?" I asked, "But don't you have a job and stuff to do?" He shook his head, "It doesn't matter, my children come first now. Will you let me join you on Voon?" I nodded. "Sure, Dad, I'd love to have you there with me." We hugged each other tightly. Then I thought of something. "Oh, but what about you, Gaz?" I asked her. She shrugged. "I'd rather go with you than work at Bloaty's my whole life. Besides, there's no one here I'd miss." Thus, it was settled. Dad and Gaz spent the next few days packing up the whole house, and I messaged some friends back on Voon to come in their ships to help us move all the stuff. We got everything sorted out and Dad and Gaz traveled with us back to Voon.
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Lard Nar gave Dad his own house, and a job as a scientist working on the defense systems. Gaz opted to finally move out into her own apartment. She also joined the ranks of fighter pilots in the fleet to help fund her independent living. I paired her up with Tak since I thought they'd get along okay and Tak was the one in charge of training new recruits. They seemed to be getting along well. In fact, they seemed to be spending increasingly large amounts of time together, becoming good friends.
The next couple months were a flurry of activity as work intensified. I think everyone could sense that the time was drawing near for the Resisty to make its move. Still, despite the busyness, I tried to keep in touch with, and check in on, everyone close to me. Today I had invited Gaz to come up to the Nirvana with me, just to get a look at it directly, even though she'd met much of the crew already. We stood on the bridge, just looking around. "Sir!" Skoodge called, "I finished that work you wanted." "Good job, Skoodge!" I yelled back. "I'll give you a little present later!" I said with a wink. Skoodge smiled and scuttled off. Gaz chuckled; "Dib, are you paying your crew in blowjobs?" I just laughed right back at her. "No, not all of them..." I said with a sly grin. "Eww..." she said, rolling her eyes, but I knew she was just joking.
"Oh, Dib, I do have something to tell you..." she said, suddenly serious. "Yes?" "I, uh..." It was rather unusual for my self-assured sister to be at a loss for words. "Dib, Tak and I are in a relationship now. Don't want to make a big deal out of it or anything, but I just thought you should know..." Oh, that was kind of surprising! I mean, what were the odds of both me and my sister being gay?! "Oh, Gaz, I didn't know you were a lesbian! Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course." "Well, duh, that's because I never told you, and you are so oblivious!" she said. "Well, do you want me to tell everyone or keep this a secret?" "Neither!" she said irritably, "If anyone needs to know or asks about it, you can tell them; it's no secret. But don't organize a party or something to announce this. There's no need to be ridiculous." Her look softened; "Oh, and by the way, Tak says you helped her a lot in understanding herself and her sexuality. So, thank you for that." I pulled my little sister into a hug; it was rare for her to be so sweet so I was going to take advantage of it! She soon got annoyed and wriggled out of my grasp though. "Alright, Dib, that's that then. I already told Dad, so no need to do that. As for Zim and Skoodge, well, that's up to you. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back down to my work planetside; it's too much of a gay sausage fest up here!"
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Gaz ended up being a very talented fighter pilot and even joined Tak in helping to train the new recruits. Tak even convinced her to get a pak like mine made for her, and after she did, even Dad got one. Our plans were coming to fruition as we were very very close to having an acceptable number of fighters in our fleet to successfully challenge the Irken Empire. I was really gunning to convince at least one more group of aliens to join our cause. I briefly thought of asking the Meekrob to join us, but that was kind of pointless since they were already actively engaged in fighting the Irkens and likely couldn't spare us any help. I did let their ambassador know we existed as an organization, and they agreed to keep the Irkens distracted with their own war to give our plans a chance for success. There was only one more group I could think of that was both available and potentially able to help us out: The Plookesians. The only problem is that they were so far choosing to remain neutral in the whole Irken conflict. Of course, they were kidding themselves if they thought the Irkens wouldn't come conquer their own planet eventually, so I was hoping they'd see things my way and join us. I'd just have to convince them...
Of course, it helped that I already knew two of them, even if we only barely met. I remembered calling Mooshy and Spoopty so many years ago when I was just 11. I had never expected them to actually show up when I used that random signal stolen from Zim's database... That memory also reminded me of Mr. Dwicky and how he had abandoned me in my time of need. How that had hurt me back then! Still, now that I was older, I'd forgiven him. After all, it had probably been his childhood dream to travel with aliens, and honestly, if I had been him, I would've abandoned my whiny ass to make my dream come true too. I wondered if he was still with Mooshy and Spoopty or if he'd long returned to Earth by now. Well, there was only one way to find out.
I sat in my office back on Voon, and dialed in the signal I'd used so many years ago and beamed it out. About an hour later, I got a reply signal. I sent a message out, giving my exact coordinates; now it was just time to wait. A few hours later, my intercom buzzed and Sochey the receptionist informed me that some Plookesians were here to see me. Of course they were. I went out to the docking bay to greet them. Sure enough, two familiar looking Plookesians were standing in front of a ship, looking a bit baffled by their surroundings.
"Why, hello again," I greeted them. "Excuse me?" the green-colored Mooshy said. "Do we know you?" the purple-colored Spoopty asked. "Yes, actually," I said, "you guys do know me, although it's been a long time since you last saw me." They still looked puzzled for a minute, before recognition suddenly dawned on their faces. "Are you that human we met on Earth so many years ago?" Mooshy asked. I nodded; "Yep, that's me." "Oh, wow! You've certainly grown bigger!" Spoopty exclaimed. "Yeah, I'm all grown up now, but I didn't call you guys here just to have a reunion. I've called you as the official commander of the Resisty, to formally request the Plookesians join us in battle against the Irken Empire." They both stared at me, looking surprised by this information. "You got to be the commander of the resistance?" Mooshy asked incredulously. "Yes, I am," I replied. "Oh, but we don't really have the authority to approve a request like that," Spoopty said, "but we can get you the contact information for our leaders. I've gotta warn you, though, that they seem to wanna stay neutral in this whole thing..." "That's fine, Spoopty," I replied, "but I'd like that contact info. nevertheless. It's only a matter of time before the Irkens make their way over to Plookesia, and it'd be in your best interests to join with us now before it's too late." "Well, alright," he said agreeably as he wrote down the contact number and gave it to me.
Just as we were wrapping up our business, the door to their shuttle opened and a familiar face walked out. Mr. Dwicky was staring at me, and he seemed to instantly recognize me. "Oh, Dib, I'm so sorry..." he said, his voice brimming with regret. "Hey, Mr. Dwicky," I greeted him. "Oh, Dib, I'm so sorry for abandoning you all those years ago! I promise you that not a day went by after I left that I didn't think about my actions. It's my job to help people and I failed you," he said, his voice full of emotion. "It's alright, Mr. Dwicky, you hurt me badly when you left, but I've since forgiven you. If I can forgive Zim for all the shit he's done to me, then I can surely forgive you." "Forgive Zim? Are you guys not fighting anymore?" he questioned. "No, we've worked past our differences, you could say. He's working with me now as part of the resistance. Anyway, I forgive you for abandoning me, so don't sweat it." Relief flooded his features. "Dib, you're a very gracious person..." he said quietly, "I still think what I did was wrong, though. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" I thought about that for a moment. Truthfully, we could use someone with Mr. Dwicky's skills, especially since this was such a multicultural place. "Actually, Mr. Dwicky, we could use someone with your skills. This is a very multicultural place, and there's bound to be some fighting and misunderstandings with so many different species living together, so we could definitely use a counselor here. Would you be willing to join us and live here?" Mr. Dwicky seemed to think for a moment before answering. "You know what, Dib, I got to live my dream, I think it's time I settled down somewhere and got back to my real job. I accept!" I smiled warmly at him; "Good to have you!" "Oh," he said, "And please, now that you're clearly an adult, just call me Eric, if you like!" So that matter was settled.
I contacted the Plookesian leaders and convinced them to join us. It wasn't that hard, truthfully, as the Irken empire had been edging ever closer to Plookesia recently, and they were all on edge already. Mr. Dwicky, or Eric as he now preferred, had moved in just like he had promised. I set him up a job as a counselor near the school (although he wasn't strictly a school counselor anymore; he did general counseling for anybody but also helped out at the school a lot) and he was living in an apartment not too far off from my Dad's house. He seemed surprised later to learn about my relationship with Zim and Skoodge, but not really disgusted by it. It seemed that Eric was a pretty tolerant and open-minded guy. He even opted to get his own pak just like Dad and Gaz had.
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A couple months later, I got a call from Dad. He requested that I come visit him, and although his tone was casual, I suspected he had something important to tell me since it was rare for him to specifically call me up to request my presence. I headed on over to Dad's house when the afternoon of our 'get-together' came. I knocked on the door. "Come in!" I heard Dad yell. I opened the door and walked in. As per usual, Gaz was already here. It seemed like she always beat me to everything. Oddly, I noticed that Mr. Dwicky was here too, and seemed to be trying to cook something in the kitchen. Well, that was new, Dad didn't know how to cook at all. I guess he and Mr. Dwicky must've become friends over the past couple months...
"Oh, you're here!" Dad said as he emerged from the back room. "Hey Dad, how's it going?" I said. "Oh, great, everything's fine! I just thought I'd catch up with you two since I'm so busy all the time..." We made some some small talk after that, until finally we all sat down to have some dinner that Mr. Dwicky had apparently cooked. I still wasn't entirely sure why he was here at this 'family get-together' when no one else was here, not even Zim or Tak, but I kept my mouth shut. A little while after we started eating the lovely stir-fry Mr. Dwicky had made, Dad cleared his throat. "Alright, you two, I have something to tell you both." We both stopped eating and waited expectantly. "I wanted to tell you both that Eric and I are in a relationship now," he said. They both waited tensely as though they expected me to be upset or something, which I wasn't at all. "So you guys are dating?" I said, "Well, I wish you'd told me that you were gay earlier; it would've made me feel better!" "I'm sorry about that," Dad said, "I didn't tell you because it never really seemed relevant to anything. I mean, I'd never had a boyfriend before until now..." Mr. Dwicky reached out and squeezed Dad's hand, who squeezed him back. It was actually pretty sweet. "So," Gaz said quietly, "I guess that's why we never had a mother..." Suddenly the air felt tense. Dad had never talked about where we exactly came from. I'd made the mistake of asking about our mom when I was very young, and the tension had been so uncomfortable that I'd never bothered to ask again. Dad never talked about it again. I'd always just assumed after that that our mother had just divorced Dad and broken his heart or died tragically or something like that and that's why he didn't ever want to talk about it.
Dad sighed. "Actually, kids, you never did have a mom. I made you both in the lab and grew you in tubes. You, Gaz, I made with a donor egg and my own DNA, but you, Dib, are a straight clone of me." He waited for this info. to sink into our brains. Oddly, this explanation made more sense to me than any of my other imaginings. I guess that explained my very strange memories of being abducted by aliens and experimented on as a baby - I was probably just remembering being in Dad's lab. "Are you angry?" Dad asked hesitantly. Gaz just shrugged her shoulders and said, "No, not particularly." "Nope," I answered, "It's no big deal to me. Actually, this explanation is better than some of the other ideas I had..." Dad chuckled; "It's doesn't matter that you're a clone, I still love you like any other father would. Although I must say, with you being a clone, I was so surprised when you didn't turn out anything like me!" I laughed; "Dad, what do you mean I didn't turn out like you? We're both weird, obsessively and nerdy, and stubborn beyond all reason!" Dad and I had a laugh about that. He finally calmed down, wiping a small laughter-tear from his eye. He turned to Gaz, "Now, daughter, if you want me to give you the information on who provided the donor egg, I can." She seemed to think for a minute before answering. "No, I don't really care. You're the one who raised us and loved us, and you're my dad, so that's all I need to know." "Ah, that's my pragmatic daughter!" Dad said proudly.
"Um, how do you guys feel about me?" Mr. Dwicky asked hesitantly. I'd forgotten all about him after the news about our origins! "Oh, well, I'm glad you and Dad are together," I answered honestly, "Dad's been alone for so many years that it's good that he's dating now. I wish you guys all the best!" Gaz just gave him a critical look, took a bite of her stir-fry, nodded appreciatively and said, "You're alright." "Hey," I said, "She's warmed up to you pretty quickly!" We all chuckled at that.
I learned after that that Dad had already had Mr. Dwicky, or Eric, move into the house from his apartment. I must say, Eric was a great cook and it was about time that Dad had someone of his own to love. Besides, Dad sometime got too wrapped up in his work and could be cold and clinical at times, Eric was just the sort of sensitive sweet person to help bring out Dad's more emotional side. I left once night fell, once again wishing them well, and I even gave Eric a hug before I left.
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A few weeks after that, Lard Nar informed me that it was getting very close to time for the egg to hatch. I was just working in my office one day when I got his call to come to the egg room immediately because apparently, Dee Bee had hatched!
I rushed on over there to get a look at this little guy. As soon as I opened up the door and walked in, I noted that the whole place was once again crowed with Resisty members, with Prillia and Ixane blocking my view of whatever was going on. I noticed that even Dad and Mr. Dwicky were here, along with Zim, Tak and Gaz. I didn't see Skoodge, though. "Oh, my goodness he's so cute!!!" said a loud voice from the center of the activity. I recognized it as Skoodge's voice, speaking in a hilarious high-pitched 'baby-talk' sort of way. I pushed through the crowd to get to where Lard Nar and little Dee Bee were undoubtedly located.
"Hey, guys, I'm here," I said to Lard Nar. "Oh, good, your Uncle Dib is here!" Lard Nar said to something very small in his arms. "Uncle?" I questioned. "Oh, I thought it'd be cute for him to call you 'uncle' is all..." Lard Nar said to me. "Um, well, that's okay with me," I answered. I peeked at the little bundle in Lard Nar's arms. It was a very tiny baby, about the size of my fist, with a rather large head for it's body size. It was quite adorable with big eyes and cute features. I noticed the little horns on it's head were quite stiff and rigid looking. I reached out and poked one, and it was indeed quite sharp! "Oh, you're wondering about the horns, aren't you?" Lard Nar said to me. "Yeah, there quite pointy!" I said. "Yes, they are hard when a Vortian first hatches, it helps them break their eggshell. As he gets older they'll become floppy and pliable like mine." I nodded in understanding. "Wow, son, this baby has a head almost as proportionally enormous as yours was when you were little!" my Dad exclaimed loudly. Everyone started laughing and I just huffed in response. "Okay, guys, enough about my head. It's not that big..." Despite my consternation, I could tell that they were just teasing, no one was being truly mean-spirited. We were all friends here after all!
After all the 'oohing' and 'ahhing' died down, of which I noticed that Skoodge in particular seemed to really like doing, people slowly began to file out of the room. "So," I said to Lard Nar, "who's going to take care of little Dee Bee?" "Ah, I have a friend who runs the kresh here named Chap Chae, and he's a really good person, so I'll be leaving Dee Bee with him. Of course, Rad Na and I will come back periodically to visit him." I nodded; that all seemed sorted out. "Hey, have you noticed that Skoodge seems to really like my little baby; he's really quite sweet for an Irken!" Lard Nar said after a few moments of silence. I thought about that. Skoodge did have an extremely sweet and easy-going patient personality, and it seemed like he never got mad at anyone. "You know what, Lard Nar? I don't think Skoodge was every really meant to be a soldier. I mean, he's competent, but he's really too sweet to do that. I could imagine him working in a daycare, or even being an artist since he's got some talent for carving," I said as I pointed to my bone necklace. Lard Nar nodded; "Yes, Dib, it's too bad Irken society is the way it is. Skoodge never had the choice to be anything but what he wound up doing. I'm beginning to understand why Irkens all do as they are told. They don't have much choice in the matter." "Yeah," I said quietly, "I'm hoping that I can change that soon..."
I decided to call a meeting with the only three Irkens on the planet of Voon. Once Zim, Skoodge and Tak had reached my office, I had them all sit down for a discussion. "Okay, guys, you're all probably wondering why I've called you in here. Well, I've decided it's time to have a strategy discussion. I've already got half my plan in place to take over the Irken Empire." Skoodge raised his hand as though he were in kindergarten. "Yes, Skoodge?" I said. "Ooh! You're gonna hack into the Massive and shut down it's weapons and propulsion systems so it can't attack us, then use our fleet to fight the rest of the Irken Armada!" "Very good, Skoodge, that's right," I replied. "Okay, so that's the current plan, and while it's a good plan for the attack portion, it does not settle how we'll handle the actual aftermath of defeating the fleet. As you know, I want to avoid unnecessary casualties, on either side." Tak looked very grateful to me after that statement. I continued, "So I was thinking that the best way to handle this situation would be to go down to the two main control brains and reprogram them somehow. So, I need to know everything you guys know about the control brains. I mean every detail, even if you think it's obvious or unimportant, I want to hear it now."
"Well," Tak began, "as you know there are two main control brains, with many more sub-brains. However, the sub-brains are all linked to the two main control brains, so if we changed the two main ones, the sub-brains would follow easily." "Okay, that's good to know, Tak, thank you. So what makes the two Control Brains special?" "Well," Zim answered, "they have their own personalities that makes them both distinct, although they both share data equally." "And where did these personalities come from?" I asked, "I presume they are some sort of A.I.?" Zim and Tak both looked confused at this point; clearly they didn't know. "I don't know," Tak said, "There's nothing in the database about where the control brains came from; it's like they were always there from the beginning of time." "Um, sir?" Skoodge said timidly. "Yes?" I encouraged. "I think I know where they might have come from. It's likely that the control brains are someone's downloaded personalities.. When Irkens die their personalities and memories are usually transferred to the database, so I don't see why the Control Brains can't be made of someone's downloaded personalities themselves." "OH!" I exclaimed, "That's right! Like when I accidentally downloaded my personality into Tak's old ship!" Tak shot me a confused look. "Oh, eh, after you left Earth, your ship came hurtling down into my yard, so I repaired it and kept it. Hope you don't mind." She shrugged, "Eh, that old thing? I built a new one ages ago."
"So," I continued, "there's a good chance that the Control Brains are someone's personalities, likely people who are long dead by now since no one remembers where they came from. Can we erase those old personalities and put in a new one without destroying the whole database?" Zim scratched his chin in thought. "Well, Dib," he said, "I think it would be possible to erase and overwrite them, since you can erase and overwrite the personality of a ship without destroying anything in it's database." "Okay, then that's a plan. I could make an A.I. for it..." "Don't be silly!" Zim piped up, "Just use your own personality!" "Huh?" I said. "Yes, you'd be the best one to be our future leader," Tak said. "Are you guys sure about that? I mean, I'm full of flaws and stuff..." "Yes, you're the right one!" Zim said adamantly. "You're a great leader, and we love you," Skoodge said softly. "Okay, then, I'll do it!" I said with a confidence that I didn't entirely have. We sat in silence a minute or two more.
"Um, well, if I changed the Control Brains, that's all well and good, but it won't change the minds of the common people..." "Actually, Dib," Zim said, "every new generation of smeets are influenced by what's in the database, so if you added our memories to the database, it might change their minds. Especially if they could feel what we feel..." "So, what your telling me is that it's not just memories that are transferred by emotions too?" I questioned. "Oh, yes, sir," Skoodge said, "When Zim gave me his memories, I could feel how much he loved you. It was so powerful, stronger than anything I've ever experienced before..." "But what about the adults? Is there any way to give them our memories like Zim gave Skoodge his?" I asked. "Actually, there is," Tak said, "whenever an Irken has been particularly successful at something, the Brains will hold an Existence Evaluation, and their memories will be uploaded and sent out in a wave to all Irkens within range, usually those close to the planet." "Huh?" I said, confused, "you mean Existence Evaluations aren't just for defective Irkens?" "Oh, no," Tak replied, "it's for everyone. It's just that most people's paks don't get evaluated until their death. The separate Existence Evaluation only happens if someone's particularly awesome or particularly defective."
"Hey! I've been wondering, what makes someone defective, exactly?" I asked. "Oh, well, it just means that they're wrong somehow..." Skoodge said. "Wrong how, though? That's not really an answer, is it? I want to know why some people are considered defective and what that means." Skoodge just looked downward, he clearly didn't know. I continued, "I mean, you're defective, Zim, and you've been marked defective, too, Tak, but I still think you're both wonderful people. So, what makes someone defective?" Everyone suddenly got quiet and they all looked contemplative, but no one offered any thoughts. "Come on, think! Zim, Tak, what made you guys different from other Irkens when you were growing up?" Tak looked up. "Well, when I was younger, males were always trying to mate with me, but I refused them and fought them off, even ones who were taller than me!" Skoodge gasped in shock but I ignored him. "Okay, that's good, keep going," I said. "I also left my assignment on Planet Dirt to pursue Zim," she said. I nodded. "When I was just a smeet, I argued with the control brain and I even threw a smeet back up into the tube system! It caused a clog that eventually caused a blackout!" Zim said, he almost sounded proud of it. "Oh, so that's why I was stuck in a tube for six hours..." Skoodge said thoughtfully. "Oh, sorry about that, Skoodge," Zim said to him. He smiled happily, "It's okay Zim, I'm not mad at you!" I just shook my head; Skoodge never gets mad about anything...
"Oh," Skoodge said, "When we were younger, Zim asked me to escape from the schooling facility with him, and we got in trouble for it later..." "Oh, and I quit being banished on Foodcourtia the same way Tak left Planet Dirt," Zim said. I thought about everything they'd said; there was one common thread that was running through all of it. All of them had broken the rules in one way or another! "Hey, I think I've figured it out! You've both broken the rules in some way." Tak just looked at me like what I had said was plainly obvious, but then her face lit up with recognition. "Oh! It makes sense now! Defectives are people who tend to break the rules, so I can assume that they have more desire to do whatever they want, regardless of the rules." "Yes, you understand," I said pointedly, "Defectives are people who have more free will, and the control brains want to keep such people out of the database. So, what happens when someone who's defective does get added to the database?" Poor Skoodge looked really nervous, as though what we were talking about was pure blasphemy. "I haven't told you this before, but when they did my Existence Evaluation, my personality temporarily overrode the control brains," Zim said. "A strong will could override the control brains, and give the populace ideas they don't want them to have, " said Tak. "Exactly," I answered.
"Okay then," I said, "After I replace the Control Brains' personalities with my own, why don't we all put our memories into the database, and send them out to everyone? Then they can feel what we have felt, and they might come to see things our way! It's just that, I'm still not sure I'm the one for the job..." "I believe in you..." Skoodge said quietly. "Yes, we all believe in you," Zim said, "You're meant to be a leader, our leader!" Tak nodded her agreement.
From there we decided that for practical purposes, we'd construct a special pak that wasn't attached to anyone. We'd download my special program that would overcome the current Control Brains (I hoped) and replace it with my personality, along with all our memories. Once we got to the Control Brains after taking control of the Massive, it'd be easier to get the one special pak attached to the brains and upload all of our info. The only problem is that I'd likely only be able to do one brain at a time, and there was a delay between new information passing from one to the other, so someone would have to keep the other Control Brain busy while I worked. Still, if Zim and Skoodge are able to keep the second Control Brain off my back long enough to get the program uploaded, we could win! Finally, we had a definitive plan!
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End of Chapter!
Author Note: Ooh, tons of pairings in this chapter! Check out my side-stories based off of this chapter, called "Feeling Lonely" and "Princess" to get more details on the Professor Membrane/Mr. Dwicky relationship and Tak/Gaz relationship. Oh, and in case you're curious about the passing reference to Zim having an Existence Evaluation in the past, this refers to the canceled Invader Zim episode, "The Trial". It was never made into an episode, but the script for it still exists (you can do a search for it on the Invader Zim wiki). In that episode, Zim is given an existence evaluation by the control brains, and his overpowering personality causes them to glitch out and they proclaim him "the greatest invader ever" instead of killing him like they normally would for being defective. So now you know!
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The Epic of Dib