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My Life as a Teenaged Von Neumann Device	By : Toonspew Category: +M through R > My Life as a Teenage Robot Views: 21219 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own My Life as a Teenage Robot, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 9
Jenny sighed, extremely bored. She sat impassively on her stool in the center of her mother's booth at the Expo, fidgeting now and then to keep herself from drifting off into sleep mode. The whole robotics expo was just waiting out there for her to explore, but instead she had to sit here, on display for any potential investors that wanted a closer look at the “prototype.” It was a necessary evil, she knew, since it was this sort of funding that allowed her mother to build her in the first place, but still she didn't enjoy being prodded and examined all afternoon like some prize horse. The worst part was having people right next to you referring to you in the third person, as if you weren't right there, perfectly aware that they were talking about you. It really drove home the fact of how many humans still thought of robots as things, not as people. Jenny tried not to frown at the thought, knowing that she was here to make a good impression.
“Mom, can I take a break yet? I'm soooo bored, and I really want to go see how Brad and Sheldon are doing in the competition. Y'know, lend some moral support.” said Jenny, after the latest curious patron had left their booth. Mrs. Wakeman cast her daughter a sympathetic look, knowing how difficult these fund raising attempts could be for her. “Well” she said, “I suppose I could use a lunch break soon. Why don't we close down the booth in half an hour when the third-tier matches begin. I'll meet you at the arena after I grab something from the food court.” Jenny agreed instantly, eager for any chance to see her friends. Her mood brightened; her mother buying lunch would give her some time to wander around the expo a little on the way to the arena as well. On the way in she had spotted a booth advertising professionally done mod-work, and it had made her very curious about how she might look with a layer of chrome applied to her hair.
Jenny assumed her standard pose as another curious convention-goer was greeted by her mother. Jenny tried to remain attentive as the potential investor, a young fellow with thick glasses and bright red hair, spoke at length with her mother about Jenny's various systems and functions. As usual, Jenny's mind quickly went elsewhere, mulling over all the possible alterations she could look into at the modder's booth. Remembering the title of a television program on the subject, Jenny wondered if this would count as “Pimping Brad's Ride?” Jenny held up a hand to suppress a giggle. Her mother and the investor approached her, now discussing the intricacies of her flight systems. “So then the thrusters in the robot's feet, head and wings all draw from the same fuel source? Wouldn't that deplete the fuel reserves rather quickly?” asked the man. Her mother answered in turn, having rehearsed answers to the common questions ahead of time. “Normally it would, but remember that the thrusters are not used in supporting the weight of the robot, only in providing control and momentum during flight. And of course, when the reserves are eventually depleted, it's a simple matter to refuel through the fuel intake valve.”
Jenny gulped, not liking where this conversation was headed. The man scratched at his chin, interested. “And where is this valve? Does the refueling process take long?” Her mother, ever the saleswoman, did her best to play up the ease of the process. “Not at all! Why, the entire procedure takes less then five minutes, and requires no real disassembly whatsoever. I could demonstrate, if you'd like.” Jenny tensed up with anxiety, mentally praying the offer would be turned down. Unfortunately, the red-headed scientist was all too inquisitive. Mrs. Wakeman addressed Jenny in an authoritative tone, “XJ9, please ready your rear intake fuel line for a refueling.” Jenny blushed her standard azure blue across her cheeks, meekly pleading “...do I have to?” Nora frowned, fetching the fuel canister she had brought with them. “Yes, XJ9. Right now.” Jenny pouted, her hands tugging at the hem of her skirt in an attempt to preserve her modesty. Her mother laughed nervously, rapidly feeling foolish for being unable to control her own robot in front of the investor. “XJ9, what seems to be the problem?” inquired Nora, through a forced smile. Jenny responded in a quiet voice “I... don't want the other robots to see my... intake port... it's embarrassing...”
The observing scientist raised a discerning eyebrow. “Does the robot have difficulties in understanding verbal commands...? Some colleagues of mine have a marvelous new voice recognition software that may help...” he offered, politely sidestepping the real issue. The subtle suggestion was not lost on Mrs. Wakeman however, who was becoming desperate to show that she remained in control of the situation. “XJ9, do you want me to use an override command, young lady? The sooner you comply the sooner it will be over and done with. Now do as you're told and turn around!” Jenny reluctantly did so, facing away from her mother and pulling up the back of her skirt, exposing her shapely bum. With one hand she tapped the quick release button on her thong, pulling the back of it away from her crotch and revealing her puckered intake port, nestled between her asscheeks. Jenny glanced out at the rest of the trade show floor, seeing that a couple robots in nearby booths had taken notice. A passing robot that looked like a white and blue trashcan mounted on two treaded legs stopped and gawked at her with it's one red eye. It made a few derogatory beeps and boops, and followed them with an electronic wolf whistle in Jenny's direction. Jenny's blush became a deep indigo, choosing to look down at the floor instead. “A... novel place to construct the fuel valve.” observed the scientist, attempting to mask his surprise. “Yes, well, I was never one to waste space, and something had to go there, after all” said Jenny mother, approaching with the fuel canister and pressing the nozzle against her entry port. “Ahhh! Cold!” yelped Jenny, the thruster fuel spout pressing it's way into her. What she wouldn't give to be away from here right now, hanging out with Brad and Sheldon.
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“3! ...2! ...1! ...Activate!” shouted the announcer, declaring the start of the next match. Klaxons sounded and spotlights danced over the arena, building up the tension for the eager crowd. Amid much fanfare, Silver Shell stomped into the ring, flexing his servos for the audience and grinning despite himself. Taking a combat stance, Silver Shell took on a serious demeanor, ready to meet his opponent. The gate on the opposite side of the arena opened, spewed out a cloud of stage smoke, heralding the approach of the other contender.
A clunky rectangular robot not larger then an ottoman wheeled out, brandishing a pneumatic driven hammer attached onto it's top. Flame decals and a logo dubbing it “the beast” had been painted brightly on it's sides, and with a feeble whir of electronic rage as it's battle cry it charged forward. The front bumper of the robot crumpled as it slammed itself into Silver Shell's left foot, and the hammer clanged uselessly against his armored shin. Silver Shell sighed, once again disappointed with his competition. Sure, he had come to the expo assuming he'd win, but he had at least expected a challenge. Shell didn't even bother to bend over, instead merely pointing his arm at the tiny robot and rapidly extending his fist out from his wrist, crushing it beyond any hope of repair. The buzzer immediately announced him the winner, and Silver Shell walked back out into the contestant's lounge.
“Dude, nice job!” congratulated one of the other fighters, Kenny. The robot teen approached Silver Shell, the two of them exchanging a high five. Shell smiled, congratulating Kenny right back for his last match. Though when they had first met Sheldon had hated Kenny out of principle simply because he happened to be dating Sheldon's love Jenny at the time, now that he had gotten to know him he found that Kenny (or “YK9” as his father called him) was actually a pretty nice guy. Sheldon's new body and the robot expo had provided a convenient means of starting fresh, and Sheldon felt no need to remind Kenny that he used to know him back when he was a human nerd. Mostly because he got the impression Kenny wanted to be friends because they were about the only two teenage robot guys around and felt a sense of kinship. Bringing up his previous identity might've also reminded Kenny of the role Sheldon had played in breaking up him and Jenny, which would've just been bad news for everyone involved.
“Wanna go check out some of the expo booths before the next round starts?” offered Silver Shell, hoping to get a look at some of the latest innovations in his favorite hobby. “I would,” frowned Kenny “but I think my Dad is gonna wanna give me another once over before the next match ups are announced.” Silver Shell shrugged at that, offering “Well, I guess it couldn't hurt on the outside chance that you and I have to fight next round. But other then that, are the other robots even worth the effort? Most are little better then lawnmowers with a wedge stuck on the front.”
“Not all of them.” Kenny corrected, “Have you seen that one girl robot? She's almost as tall as I am, and I saw one of her earlier matches... roasted the competition. Literally, I mean. Some kinda chemical-fire that she shoots out of her hands. She's definitely going to be a challenge for one of us... oh hey, there she goes now!” Kenny pointed across the machine shop floor to a statuesque robot with a feminine build, her hourglass figure so well defined as to almost appear waspish. Her skin was a stark white that reminded Shell of Jenny's, and her clothing followed a dark green colour scheme, with black and silver trim in strategic locations. The strangest part of her appearance was a black and silver mask she wore covering everything below her eyes, lending her an air of mystique and drawing attention to her bewitching eyes, shaded to match the green of her clothing. “Holy...” breathed Shell, staring at the mechanical beauty. “Yeah, tell me about it.” agreed Kenny, also blatantly ogling her as she passed by.
“Did you see that chassis?!” grinned Kenny, nudging Silver Shell with his elbow. “Chassis? I was too busy checking out her 'forward arsenal', if you know what I mean. Damn, I'd love to check under that hood!” Shell and Kenny shared a laugh, giving each other a playful punch on the arm. A meaningful cough ended their fun, as Brad approached alongside Kenny's “father”, Phineas Mog. Each carried an ornate, but ultimately useless, radio control device.
“Here they are” observed Brad, stating the obvious. “I guess they've just been waiting here in standby mode for us after the last match.” Mog frowned, annoyed at the pretense he and the boy were forced to maintain. Each of them had broken the rules by entering a sentient robot into the competition. Each of them knew the other had done so, as well. But if either “pilot” were to admit to it, the other could have them disqualified from the competition, removing the biggest obstacle between their robot and the prize money. So, they had no choice but to continue their charade.
“No time to dawdle, YK9. I want to give you another stress test, then give you a quick systems check.” Mog raised his controller and tapped a half dozen commands for show, and Kenny followed behind his father after pointedly rolling his eyes. Brad followed suit, loudly saying “I'll just command my robot to walk over to the oil vendor for a quick dipstick test...” mostly to ensure Sheldon did exactly the actions he described. Brad tapped a few buttons and wiggled the joystick and Silver Shell responded, sticking out his arms and walking to the oil bar with a zombie-like shuffle, subtly mocking his friend and the ridiculous pretense they were all forced to endure.
Once they were a safe distance from Kenny and his father, Brad spoke to Sheldon. “C'mon, don't act like that... you think I don't feel silly in the pilot's booth, pretending to operate you?” Silver Shell huffed, not saying anything, but instead opening a can of oil and sipping at it. “Damn, this is better then the kind the Wakemans buy.” he commented. “Don't let mom hear you say that.” replied Jenny, walking over from the side and sitting down between Brad and Silver Shell. “Hey, Jenny!” they both greeted, Brad leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Hi guys. Thought I'd drop in to see how you're doing and wish you luck. How is the opposition stacking up so far?” Brad and Sheldon both pointed across the room to a growing pile of broken and crushed robots, just in time to observe Silver Shell's latest victory being tossed ontop of the heap. “Oh.” said Jenny, “ah, no pun intended.” Brad shifted the conversation to Jenny, asking “So your mom let you take a break from being on display?” Jenny shifted uncomfortably on her seat, making a small frown. “Eventually.”
Before either teenage boy could comment, the speaker system came on and began announcing the next matches. “I guess I got here just in time.” observed Jenny. “Next in the ring will be... YK9! ... versus... the Silver Shell!” came the announcer. Sheldon grimaced. He had been hoping they wouldn't have to eliminate each other this early on, if they'd been lucky they might've even made it to the finals, and been the last combat of the day. But, it was a random draw, and they had to deal with what they'd been given. “YK9... why does that sound familiar?” asked Jenny, “ ...waitaminute, Kenny? You're fighting my old boyfriend?” Sheldon stood up and crumpled the remains of the oil can, tossing it into the trash. Jenny stood behind Sheldon and placed a hand on his shoulder, making him pause. “I thought this was supposed to be easy Sheldon. Kenny's based on my schematics, you can't beat him! He's as fast and strong as I am!” Sheldon smirked, giving Jenny a knowing look. “And what makes you so sure I couldn't beat you, Jenny?” Jenny didn't have a response, and watched as Silver Shell walked off towards the arena entrance, giving her a wave and a smile before disappearing inside. Jenny looked to Brad, who only shrugged. “C'mon Jenny, you can join me in the pilot's booth. Definitely the best seat in the house.”
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Jenny followed Brad inside the booth, looking out through the glass pane to see the arena floor below. It was really more of a stage, trussed up with “obstacles” and “traps” that were really more for show then anything else, the better to give the illusion of actual gladiatorial combat. Beside her Brad was engaged in trash talking the competition.
“Your robot is going down, Mog! Silver Shell's gonna wipe the floor with him!” taunted Brad. Phineas Mog, undeterred, met the challenge in kind. “Bah! Silver scrap is more like it, when YK9 is through with him! They'll be picking pieces of your droid off the floor for days!” Jenny wrung her hands, suddenly worried for her friend. Despite his confidence, this really was Sheldon's first real taste of battle. The period of time since his recovery suddenly seemed very short to Jenny. Who knows what could happen if Shell took one to many blows to the head? The transfer into his new body was still potentially shaky, even her mother didn't completely understand how he had managed to recover so quickly. “Brad, maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. We should quit and get Sheldon out of there before he gets hurt.”
“Ha!” laughed Mog, “Even the robot girl knows it! Better run home now, boy!” Brad ignored him, turning to Jenny and speaking in a hushed tone. “Jenny, he'll be fine. You're just overly protective because you helped nurse him back to health. It's too late now anyway, look, they're entering the ring.” Below, in the arena, Silver Shell and Kenny stepped into view on opposite sides of the room. The crowd's cheering fell silent when the buzzer sounded, and the fight began. The robot combatants slowly circled each other, their fists raised and ready to strike. “What's the matter boy? Your robot seems afraid to approach mine.” sneered Mog. Brad grinned back, replying “He's just sizing your robot up, looking for your weakness. Picking the right moment to strike!”
The two robots cautiously approached each other, neither moving to attack. Watching closely through telescopic optics, Jenny could see their mouths moving, talking. “Aheh...” stammered Brad, covering, “I've decided to begin by having my robot taunt yours, Mog. It will make your defeat all the more shameful.” Phineas Mog looked down at his robot, frustrated. “Clearly my robot is choosing to display it's superior skills of repartee, proving that YK9 is both the smarter and stronger robot.” Jenny's worry was replaced by curiosity. Clearly this wasn't going how Brad and Mog had planned. Below, Kenny and Silver Shell were shaking hands, then... it looked like a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors?
“Rock! I win!” exclaimed Mog triumphantly. “Once again your piloting skills prove no match for my superior battle strategies!” Brad ignored him, watching the “battle” unfold below, forgetting to even tap buttons on his radio controller anymore. Silver Shell threw a slow, clumsy punch at Kenny. Somehow though, it connected with Kenny's chin, and sent him reeling. Kenny sprung back at Shell, charging at his front, stopping just in front of him, then knocking them both over with a gentle tackle. Silver Shell stood up, hoisting Kenny over his head and spinning him as if he were a wad of pizza dough. Jenny smiled, suddenly understanding; they were putting on a show, faking the whole fight!
“Ha, take that old man!” shouted Brad, as Silver Shell landed a quick flurry of “punches” on Kenny's chest. Kenny recovered with a surprise uppercut, Silver Shell's head extending upwards as though he were a giant sized “rock'em sock'em robot”. Jenny giggled, amused at the antics of her ex boyfriend and her ... other friend. She was surprised, she had never seen this side of Sheldon's personality before. He'd tried telling her jokes before of course, but his nervousness had always ruined them, rushing through the joke and turning it into a burst of stuttering and forced laughter. Since he'd been uploaded into Silver Shell's body, Jenny had been sensing a newfound confidence that hadn't been there before. Or maybe she was just finally seeing it for the first time. Jenny's smile widened, watching Silver Shell intently.
The fight seemed to be wrapping up. Kenny held Silver Shell by the cuff of his neck, winding up his right arm for a Popeye-esque finish. Silver Shell made no move to defend himself, pretending to be dazed, and then Kenny's punch landed with a loud metallic clang like that of a gong being struck. Silver Shell's thrusters fired, sending him flying across the arena and crashing into the opposing wall. As he dropped to the ground his arms and legs limply extended out from his body on the thin connecting cables, making it look as though his entire body had fallen to pieces.
The victory buzzer sounded, and Kenny performed a shameless victory dance. Brad cursed his loss as Mog mirrored Kenny's dance in the pilot's booth. Jenny put her arm around Brad, not really saddened by the result at all. “Buck up Brad. There's always next year.” Brad didn't seem to hear her, lamenting. Kenny walked out of the arena and Sheldon remained toppled on the floor, awaiting someone to come “repair” him. “there goes my shot at the prize money...” muttered Brad, watching Kenny go. Jenny was just turning to walk Brad out of the booth, when an explosion sounded from the audience bleachers.
Jenny immediately sprung into action, instinct and programming kicking in. A quick punch broke a hole through the glass of the pilot's booth, allowing her to dive through it and into the audience below. She activated her flight jets in mid-fall, seamlessly converting her dive into a graceful swoop. Her sensors swept through the crowd, though anyone with eyes could have spotted the massive hole in the wall that the explosion had created. As the smoke cleared, a couple dozen small figures marched through the opening and into the stadium. “XJ9!” the lead figure called out. “You are to accompany us back to the planet of Cluster Prime, on order of Queen Vexus!”
Jenny scoffed. She should have known something like this might happen. Vexus had crashed last year's convention, so it followed that she had some way of determining when and where they were scheduled to happen. Ah well, these Cluster stooges didn't look so tough... at least Vexus herself hadn't shown up this time, that would've actually been a threat. “And just what does her highness have in mind for me this time, hmm?” challenged Jenny, landing in front of the Cluster soldiers with her hands on her hips. There were a handful of the little beetle like drones amassed, brandishing small rifle-like firearms, commanded by a humanoid robot that reminded her of her onetime foe Smitus. The leader pulled out an ornate scroll, declaring “Queen Vexus' son Brutus has come of age to assume his place as successor, and requires a new Queen to legitimize his rule. XJ9 has been selected as his ideal mate, and shall summarily proceed directly to the royal palace on Cluster Prime to prepare for her wedding!”
Jenny reeled. So that's why Vexus had been trying to get her to join the Cluster... she was being groomed as her replacement! “No way will I ever join the Cluster!” shouted Jenny, partly out of reflex. “Very well then. Seize her!” shouted the Cluster commander, the drones immediately rushing at Jenny. She easily dodged and blocked their attacks, though their pronouncement had shaken her enough to put her on the defensive. Their commander looked on passively, gaging the effectiveness of his troops. A few of the insectoid drones leaped up onto Jenny, clinging to her arms and legs.
Sheldon couldn't watch anymore, having pulled his arms and legs into their proper places and picked himself up off the ground. He knew Jenny was an experienced superhero and all, but he couldn't just stand her and watch her get shot at, could he? Silver Shell kicked down the fence separating the combat arena from the audience bleachers, rushing towards Jenny and the cluster robots. Jenny was fighting them off with little difficulty, her strength was far superior and their blasters had little effect against her armored skin. Distracted as she was with dealing with the little bugs, Jenny was oblivious to the commander pulling out a large cannon like gun, and leveling it straight at her. “Jenny, look out!” Sheldon yelled, preparing to dive to push Jenny out of the way, or intercept the blast, or something, he would take what he could get.
Suddenly, Sheldon felt a pair of hands grab onto him from behind, and yank him backwards. “Hey, what?!” he stammered, taken by surprise. He was thrown roughly against an adjacent wall, his assailant leaping on top of him and pulling out a section of bleachers, holding it up in front of them as a shield. Sheldon could just barely spot Jenny from around the edge of the makeshift barrier. He called out to her as she was struck by a bright green bolt of energy fired from the Cluster commander's cannon. Jenny froze, then slumped to the ground. The Cluster drones she'd been wrestling with dropped off of her limp form, falling to the the ground as paralyzed as she was. The Cluster commander barked out orders to a group of new drones arriving through the hole they had blasted in the wall, who proceeded to collect Jenny's body and drag her off outside.
Sheldon threw his rescuer aside, chasing Jenny's kidnappers. He reached the hole in the wall just in time to see the Cluster ship outside blasting off. In a desperate move, Sheldon launched his hands out from his wrists, extending his arms out to clutch at the ship's hull before it got away. Sheldon reached... and missed. The Cluster ship flew off into the sky, leaving Silver Shell far behind. Sheldon slumped to the ground, defeated. “Don't give up hope just yet.” Came a female voice from behind him, a slender hand touching his shoulder. Sheldon looked up, recognizing the female robot from the tournament that Kenny had pointed out. She pulled the mask from her face, revealing a dainty mouth and chin. “My name is Nexus. I can help.”
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My Life as a Teenaged Von Neumann Device