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Animated Joe Schmo	By : Waitohooru Category: +S through Z > South Park > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2644 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoon(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
WARNING! The following story has strong language and adult themes, and due to its content should not be read by anyone. Which means you'll probably read it anyway. Hopefully, that's what you've been doing for all the chapters before this one, right?

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EPISODE 8 RECAP
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WAITOHOORU(VO): Previously, on Animated Joe Schmo...
WOOLDOOR: WHAT?!
STAN: This early?! Jesus f***king Christ!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan received a rude awakening when he learned that the final eviction ceremony was going to take place immediately after lunch!
STAN: Hoo boy, an eviction this early?
WOOLDOOR: And no immunity challenge? Man, that sucks...
WAITOHOORU(VO): The other houseguests fed him ideas about who he should vote off...
STAN: Oh, don't say it...
TOOT: That's right. Wooldoor.
STAN: Wooldoor? Toot, he's my buddy!
TOOT: But he might win! Do you really WANT him to win instead of you?
WAITOHOORU(VO): However, at the final eviction ceremony, he chose to keep Wooldoor, and give Toot the boot!
WAITOHOORU: With three votes against you... Toot, your show has been cancelled.
TOOT: Aw, that's not fair...
[Waitohooru throws Toot's cel in the burning fire in the fireplace. The fire swallows the cel like Toot herself swallows food.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): This meant that he would be in the finals with both Spanky Ham and Wooldoor Sockbat!
STAN: Well, this is it, you guys.
[Wooldoor hesitates a bit before going downstairs.]
WOOLDOOR: I can't do it. I'm nervous!
STAN: Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of, Wooldoor.
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, but... what if no one votes for me?
SPANKY: What, are you afraid that I'm going to get all the votes [under his breath] andofcourseIwill... chill out, man!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The final three were asked questions by a jury composed of the other six contestants...
LING-LING: Okay... if you were contestant on reality TV show, what strategy would you use to make it to finals?
STAN: The same strategy I used on Animation Survivor... fight for my life. I want to prove that a decent person like me has a shot at winning this game, and I want to keep people around who I feel can be trustworthy, and vote off people who I think cannot be trusted.
WAITOHOORU(VO): The jury then voted, and Stan and Spanky each received two votes, while Wooldoor received one!
STAN: Sweet, dude!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The only vote we did not see came from Princess Clara. Who did she vote for?
WAITOHOORU: If she voted for either Spanky or Stan, then that toon will be the winner of Drawn Together. If she voted for Wooldoor, then we have a three-way tie.
CLARA: I have chosen to vote with my heart...
WAITOHOORU(VO): And will Stan believe what happens next? You'll find out... right now!
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[Shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): This is Stan Marsh, an 8-year-old boy from the hit television series "South Park".
[Shot of the front of the Drawn Together House. The Drawn Together logo is superimposed over it.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): For the next 8 days, he will, without knowing it, be the star of a reality show that he doesn't know is FAKE!
[Shot of the Drawn Together logo shattering into pieces.]
[Montage of the eight Drawn Together housemates.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): He thinks his housemates are characters from actual cartoon shows of the past and present, but what he doesn't know is that all of them were specifically created for a cartoon series called "Drawn Together", which he doesn't know actually exists. His housemates are...
[Shot of Princess Clara singing her heart out outside the swimming pool.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Princess Clara as "The Virgin"...
[Shot of Wooldoor Sockbat, being hyperactive as usual.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor Sockbat as "The Freak"...
[Shot of Foxxy Love shakin' her booty while listening to the stereo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy Love as "The Sistah"...
[Shot of Toot Braunstein doing her daily routine of cleaning out the fridge.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Toot Braunstein as "The Bitch"...
[Shot of Ling-Ling charging up energy for an upcoming battle.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Ling-Ling as "The Schemer"...
[Shot of Xandir practicing swinging his sword around.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Xandir as "The Gotta-Be-Gay Guy"...
[Shot of Spanky Ham peeing on a couch cushion.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Spanky Ham as "The Asshole"...
[Shot of Captain Hero lifting some weights.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Captain Hero as "The Jock"...
[Shot of Waitohooru, the host, in front of the Drawn Together House.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And me, Waitohooru, as "The Smarmy Host".
[Montage of various scenes from the series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How long will Stan last in the Drawn Together House without discovering the truth?
[Shot of Stan in the Drawn Together House, talking to someone.]
STAN: Dude, this is really f***ed up right here.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Find out, on the Animated Joe Schmo Show!
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WHO'S STILL IN THE HOUSE:
STAN MARSH (A-duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!)
WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
SPANKY HAM
WHO'S ALSO IN THE HOUSE (BUT ON THE JURY):
PRINCESS CLARA
FOXXY LOVE
TOOT BRAUNSTEIN
LING-LING
XANDIR
CAPTAIN HERO
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DAY 8 (still)
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[We begin where the last episode left off... at the final ceremony, where either Stan, Wooldoor, or Spanky could be declared the winner of Drawn Together. The six Drawn Together cast members who were voted off are revealing their votes.]
WAITOHOORU: It is now time to reveal the votes. Foxxy, why don't you reveal your vote first?
FOXXY: Glad to, honey!
[Foxxy steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
FOXXY: Truth is, this be an easy vote fo' Foxxy. Because o' this chile, Foxxy got a TV and 25 Gs!
[Foxxy reveals her vote, which is for "STAN".]
STAN: Whoa... kick ass!
WAITOHOORU: So the first vote is for Stan. That's one vote for Stan. Toot, you may now reveal your vote.
[Toot steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
TOOT: Well, none of you three guessed my number correctly. My number was, in fact, 36-24-36. But one of you was close...
[Toot reveals her vote, which is for "STAN". Stan is now surprised that two toons have voted for him.]
STAN: Sweet, dude!
SPANKY: Hey, I thought I was the closest! 36, 24, and 36 add up to... 96, I think, so I think I was the closest!
[Toot narrows her eyes, and gives Spanky a raspberry.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, after that, Stan now has two votes, while Spanky and Wooldoor don't have any yet. But that could change. Captain Hero, you may reveal your vote.
[Captain Hero steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
CAPTAIN HERO: I formed an alliance with this toon from the very beginning, and I stuck with it all the way.
[Captain Hero reveals his vote, which is for "SPANKY".]
SPANKY: Yes!
CAPTAIN HERO: I have to say it... A-duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so Spanky now has one vote, while Stan has two. Wooldoor doesn't have any yet. Xandir, it's now your turn.
[Xandir steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
XANDIR: Okay, no offense if your name isn't on there, but this houseguest totally made me smile every single day I was in the Drawn Together house.
[Xandir reveals his vote, which is for "WOOLDOOR".]
WOOLDOOR[excitedly]: Wheeee!
WAITOHOORU: And Wooldoor now has a vote. So Spanky and Wooldoor each have one, Stan still has two. Ling-Ling, you're next.
[Ling-Ling steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
LING-LING: Three cartoons who are not Ling-Ling... but only one the triumphant one? Well, Ling-Ling chose who shall receive the treatment of the mighty...
[Ling-Ling reveals his vote, which is for "SPUNKY".]
WAITOHOORU: So... you're voting for Spunky, the dog from Rocko's Modern Life?
LING-LING: He!
[Ling-Ling points at Spanky.]
SPANKY: Yeah, me!
STAN: Hoo boy...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so that's two votes for Spanky. So, now it is two votes Spanky, two votes Stan, one vote Wooldoor. We only have Clara's vote left. If she voted for either Spanky or Stan, then that toon will be the winner of Drawn Together. If she voted for Wooldoor, then we have a three-way tie. It all depends on Clara's vote, and she will reveal it now.
[Clara steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
CLARA: I have chosen to vote with my heart... the three have different strategies, and different approaches to winning the game... but I chose to vote for the one I feel is the most honest... and played the game the best in my eyes...
[Individual shots of each of the final three.]
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CLARA: He has taught me so much in my life... which I could never learn back in the castle! And since I learned so much from him, it is only fitting that I repay the favor!
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[Clara now reveals her vote, which is for...]
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[..."SPANKY"!]
[Upon seeing his name on the piece of paper, Spanky jumps up and down excitedly.]
SPANKY[shouting]: Yes!
STAN[stunned]: What?
WOOLDOOR: What?!
CLARA: Because of Spanky Ham, I now know what an orgasm is like! He also taught me about masturbation and sexual positions... and virtually everything my father didn't teach me... so I think I have a pretty good grasp of the outside world now. Father will be so impressed at me!
SPANKY: Well, your father should be more impressed at ME, since I *won* the damn thing! Yeah!
STAN: I don't believe this...! I mean, you?! Who peed on people, and violated the women, and was basically an asshole?
SPANKY: It's not like this hasn't happened before, kid! Remember Richard Hatch?
STAN[shuddering]: Yes, unfortunately...
[Spanky then goes over to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: Spanky Ham, congratulations! You've won my first, and maybe not last, Drawn Together. I will pass the torch down to authors who I feel should take my place... that is, if I ever find out where the torch is! [giggles]
WOMAN'S VOICE: Hey, quit stealing lines, you thief!
[Stan, Waitohooru, and the Drawn Together cast members are confused.]
WAITOHOORU: Who said that?
WOMAN'S VOICE: I did!
[Suddenly, coming down the stairs to the Room of Doom... is, believe it or not, Star Otaku, the author of the original Anime Survivor, and apparently the mother of fanfiction that involves placing anime characters in reality TV show situations. She is holding a lit torch in one hand, and a pitchfork in the other hand.]
STAR OTAKU: So, we meet again, Waitohooru!
WAITOHOORU: Ah, Star Otaku! Glad you could make it! We were just about to give Spanky Ham the $100,000 for winning Drawn Together!
STAR OTAKU: Save it for the courtroom, you son of a bitch!
[The others in the room are confused.]
CLARA: Huh?
STAN: What the f*** is going on here?
WOOLDOOR: Who's this woman?
STAR OTAKU: I am Star Otaku, and [points at Waitohooru] THIS man is a fraud!
FOXXY: Say WHAT?!
WAITOHOORU: Star Otaku, have you gone mad?! I am the host of Drawn Together! I am not a fraud!
STAR OTAKU: Lies! We all know you just ripped off the final episode of Anime Survivor just now, what with the whole spiel about "my first, and last Drawn Together" and the whole "passing the torch to other authors" thing!
WAITOHOORU: "We"? Who's this "we", Star?
[Star Otaku turns her head towards the stairs.]
STAR OTAKU[shouting]: Come on down, guys! We've got him cornered!
WAITOHOORU: What?!
[Instantly, coming down the stairs are Arpulver, Descendant of the Dragon, Chromus, Super Hurricane, Joe Mello, and Zach Kaiser, all of whom have written at least one fanfic in their lives. They are all carrying pitchforks and lit torches.]
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: So the f***head thinks he can make a reality series of his own, huh?
ARPULVER: Well, we all know it's never gonna be better than any of ours!
SUPER HURRICANE: Yeah, that little shrimp-dick can't even use proper grammar! His fanfics look like they came from some lame chatroom or something like that!
[The other "fanfic authors" laugh with Super Hurricane, except for Waitohooru, who fumes.]
STAN[to himself]: What IS this...
WAITOHOORU: What the hell is going on? And how did you find this place anyway?
JOE MELLO[smirking]: We have our ways.
SPANKY: Hey, can we get on with it? I want to get my check for one hundred grand!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Ha! Like you and the other retards from your series ever deserve that money? Dream on, sh**head!
SPANKY: Ex-squeeze me?
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Star pioneered the "Anime Survivor" concept, and I continued the series with four more installments!
WAITOHOORU: Speaking of which, Descendant, when are you going to start working on the sixth one you promised, huh?
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON[pissed off]: Shut the f*** up, asshole, I'm talking here!
WAITOHOORU[under his breath]: What did you say...
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Anyway, the other authors here came up with series on their own, and we thought everyone would enjoy our work... until that damn Comedy Central stole our thunder!
ARPULVER: That's right! Those cocksuckers came up with an "animated reality show" which I believe was called, oh, I don't know... "Drawn Together"? Recognize that name, Waitohooru? Hm?
WAITOHOORU: I... I don't know what you're talking about!
JOE MELLO: Don't act like you don't know, you assclown! It's going to air on Comedy Central two months from now. We know that because we read articles about it on the Internet.
ZACH KAISER: The articles describe Drawn Together as a show about eight cartoon characters sharing a house... and those eight cartoon characters are in this very room! And I can't believe this boy from a Comedy Central show doesn't even know about this!
[The fanfic authors, torches and pitchforks raised, glare daggers at the eight Drawn Together cast members.]
CHROMUS: Any last words?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah... I WANT MY MOMMY!!!
ARPULVER: Try to take OUR money, will you?
SUPER HURRICANE: We've all had to work full-time jobs so we can earn back the money you stole from us!
WAITOHOORU: Ah, so THAT'S why you haven't been working on those fanfics recently!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Oh, Waitohooru, about those fanfics? We're cancelling them.
[At this point, Waitohooru becomes traumatized, and breaks down in tears.]
STAN[to himself]: Dude, this is really f***ed up...
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON[to Waitohooru]: Yes. That's it! Cry! Cry like the baby you are! Cry your tears out! We don't care! We certainly aren't going to help YOU!
ARPULVER: Yeah, cry some more tears, and let us drink them, because your tears make us stronger! Of course, you don't know that because you're an idiot.
[Waitohooru continues to cry his eyes out.]
CHROMUS: Well, I hate to say it, but all of you bloody Americans were right. This boy IS a bloody prick.
[Waitohooru crawls toward Chromus, and grabs onto one of Chromus' legs.]
WAITOHOORU: Chromus... listen to me. I am not your enemy. I have trusted you ever since I first read your fanfics. I won your Animole contest. When fanfiction.net took down your fanfics, I e-mailed them to you. Please... come back to me, Chromus!
ZACH KAISER[to Chromus]: Chromus, ignore him. He still doesn't get it, and it's unlikely that he ever will.
ARPULVER: I can't believe I'm missing Madden for THIS...
SUPER HURRICANE: Yeah, but it's worth it to watch the bastard suffer!
WAITOHOORU[to Chromus]: Chromus, no! Listen to your heart! They're trying to trick you!
[Chromus turns his head away from Waitohooru.]
CHROMUS: Sorry, Waitohooru. They are the majority, and you are the minority. I have to take their side. Please understand.
STAN: Did I miss something?
JOE MELLO: Okay, it's time! Get him!
WAITOHOORU: Huh?
[Star Otaku kicks Waitohooru in the nutsack... and hard!]
WAITOHOORU: Ouch... I've been kicked... down there! And by a woman!
[While Waitohooru is reeling, the other authors search Waitohooru's storage space, and pull out an oversized novelty check for $100,000.]
SPANKY: Hey, that's my check!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Correction... this WAS your check.
[Descendant of the Dragon raises his torch, and holds it up to the oversized check. The fire from the torch eats away at the check, burning it to ashes.]
STAN: Jesus!
SPANKY[crying]: No! Not my money! Not my beautiful money! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
WAITOHOORU: Oh god... this is horrible! At least it can't get any worse...
[Just then, two more figures walk down the stairs to the Room of Doom. Those two people are...]
MAN: So there you are!
WOMAN: You are in big trouble, young man!
[...Waitohooru's parents. That's right, even fanfiction authors like me have to have parents.]
WAITOHOORU: Mom! Dad! What are you doing?
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: So THIS is what you've been doing for the past week, this... reality series!
WAITOHOORU: Don't you like it?
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: Young man... you were sneaky. You did this behind our backs... and with OUR money!
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: Do you know how many years we had to work to earn that money? Now we're poor, AND we're homeless, and it's all your fault!
WAITOHOORU: I... I'm sorry!
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: We need 100,000 dollars to buy back everything we lost because of you! Where is it, boy? Where is it?
WAITOHOORU: Uh...
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: Where is our money, son?
[Waitohooru, still crying, shows his parents the charred remains of the oversized novelty check that Descendant of the Dragon burned.]
WAITOHOORU'S MOM[under her breath]: You... ...you are in deep and serious trouble, young man.
WAITOHOORU: I did not burn your money! Those guys did!
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: You expect us to believe that bullcrap? You know you did this!
WAITOHOORU[to the contestants]: Hey, you saw those people burn it, so YOU tell them!
SUPER HURRICANE: No need. If his parents say he burned it, then it must be true!
WAITOHOORU: Wait... I can prove to you that they did this!
[Waitohooru pries one of the hidden cameras off the walls, and takes out the tape that is inside.]
JOE MELLO[to the other authors]: I knew he wasn't qualified to host a reality show! No one in their right mind would even think of hiring anyone THIS insane!
ARPULVER: This is EXACTLY the reason why I left the Animation Alliance, you know.
WAITOHOORU: Quiet! Now, as I'm trying to prove, this tape has evidence that will prove that Descendant of the Dragon burned the check!
[Waitohooru places the tape in the VCR. However, the image on the screen is not of Descendant of the Dragon burning the check at the ceremony, but of a shoddily-made enactment made by the fanfic authors, with Arpulver pretending to be Waitohooru (note the false wig), holding a lit torch to a prop check. The other fanfic authors are disguised as Drawn Together characters, in a half-assed attempt to frame Waitohooru. There is also some white text on the bottom.]
[Waitohooru looks at the image, and is shocked at what he is seeing.]
WAITOHOORU: Hey wait... that's not me!
STAR OTAKU: It's just like you said... the tape never lies!
WAITOHOORU: But it can't be true... the tape isn't from today!
ZACH KAISER: Then where's the evidence, pussy?
[Waitohooru points at the white text on the bottom of the recording.]
WAITOHOORU: Look at the date on the recording... it reads 8/21/04. That's yesterday! Today is the 22nd!
[Joe Mello pulls out a remote, and presses a button. The TV displays the current date on the screen, but the screen has apparently been tampered with. It displays "8/21/04" instead of the current date, which is supposed to be "8/22/04".]
JOE MELLO: You were saying?
[Waitohooru fumes, and then turns to the contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Wait a minute... those Nintendo DS's you won yesterday! Each of you, search through your things and get them out! They will tell you what today's date is!
[The fanfic authors pull out six Nintendo DS's, which may or may not have been stolen from the contestants.]
ZACH KAISER: No need, we got to them first.
[The fanfic authors turn each of the Nintendo DS's on. The splash screens on each, instead of displaying today's date, all display yesterday's date of "Saturday, August 21, 2004".]
ARPULVER: Read 'em and weep.
[The fanfic authors show the tampered DS's to Waitohooru. At this point, Waitohooru hyperventilates.]
STAN: Dude, I shouldn't even be watching this.
SUPER HURRICANE: No, you SHOULD! It's really getting good, since we're finally starting to see him crack! And then we'll all see him eventually SHOW us his crack!
CAPTAIN HERO: He's going to moon us?
SUPER HURRICANE[pissed off]: I meant the crack he's been smoking, you idiot!
[After Waitohooru hyperventilates some more (don't worry, the big reveal, as promised, IS coming up), Stan speaks up on his behalf.]
STAN: Wait a minute... wasn't YESTERDAY Saturday?
[There is a long silence.]
CLARA: He's right! Today is Sunday, just like the day we all came here!
LING-LING: (Yeah, the same day that Ling-Ling meditate and pray to mighty gods that bomb Pearl Harbor many long ago!)
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: No, today is Saturday! Waitohooru has lied to you for the past eight days!
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: No, my son hasn't! Today IS Sunday!
ZACH KAISER: And he lies to his parents as well! He cannot be trusted, people!
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: Oh, right, we forgot about that...
[Waitohooru's parents return to "pissed off at lying son" mode.]
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: Like we were saying, you're in big trouble!
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: Yeah!
WAITOHOORU: Wait... wait a minute! Don't listen to them! They're lying! Today is Sunday! You're making a mistake!
JOE MELLO: His parents already made a mistake, and there it is, right in front of you!
CHROMUS: But not for bloody long!
[Descendant of the Dragon takes out a gun, and aims it at Waitohooru.]
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: You don't know how long I've wanted to do this, sh**head!
[Descendant of the Dragon is about to fire his gun at Waitohooru, when...]
WOOLDOOR: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[Wooldoor leaps in front of Waitohooru, just as Descendant fires a bullet. The bullet does not hit Waitohooru, as Wooldoor has blocked the shot. The bullet however, goes through Wooldoor's chest, killing him.]
WOOLDOOR: Ow! Mommy...
[Wooldoor collapses on the floor, and dies. Again.]
STAN: Oh my god! They killed Wooldoor!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: No, *I* killed Wooldoor!
SUPER HURRICANE: Yeah, get your grammar right, kid!
[Wooldoor is still lying in pain from being shot at by Descendant of the Dragon.]
STAR OTAKU: And your precious McCormick Reaper won't save him THIS time!
[Star Otaku pulls out some mechanical parts and frayed wires.]
XANDIR[crying]: God, no! You people are insane!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Ah, the age-old scenario of the pot calling the kettle black! [to Foxxy] And no, Omarosa, it's NOT a racial statement!
FOXXY: Then how come you done call Foxxy "Omarosa", boy? HUH?!
STAR OTAKU: Well, even if what you said IS racist, it's actually rather tame compared to the slurs that a certain person in this room spews from that trash can of a mouth!
CLARA: Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone...
STAR OTAKU: I was talking about Waitohooru, you c***!
CLARA: Oh my god! Do Canadians really talk like that?!
WAITOHOORU: WHAT?! I am not racist!
JOE MELLO: Another lie! Descendant, please shoot this retard so we can all get the hell out of here!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: With pleasure!
[Descendant of the Dragon places the gun closer to Waitohooru's neck, causing Waitohooru to shiver in fear.]
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Listen, douchebag... if you don't want to end up like this Spongebob Squarepants wannabe over there, you'd better tell us all the secret of Drawn Together!
WAITOHOORU[nervous]: I...
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: SAY IT!!!
WAITOHOORU[nervous]: I... I confess! This is not a reality series! It's a fake show featuring characters from an animated reality show parody on Comedy Central!
[Stan, the contestants (except for the "deceased" Wooldoor), and Waitohooru's parents are shocked.]
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: There now. You told us the secret. And now you shall die.
[Waitohooru, still shivering, pulls out a gun that is bigger than the one Descendant is holding.]
WAITOHOORU: Not before YOU, motherf***er!
[Waitohooru aims his gun at Descendant of the Dragon's neck.]
STAN: Dude, I can't imagine how f***ed up this is right now.
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: I... impossible!
STAR OTAKU: We searched you thoroughly!
WAITOHOORU: Not thoroughly enough, my friends!
[Waitohooru places his gun closer to Descendant of the Dragon's neck.]
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Waitohooru, you are obviously a dumbass. If I die, I won't be able to write the first chapter of Anime Survivor 6.
WAITOHOORU: You were never going to write the first chapter anyway...
[Waitohooru places his finger on the trigger.]
WAITOHOORU: ...because you are NOT Descendant of the Dragon.
[A collective gasp is formed from the people in the room.]
TOOT: Whoa! Talk about drama! Good thing I'm around to see it!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: In any case, you're pointing a gun at an Asian! See, I told you he was racist!
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: Oh my god...
WAITOHOORU: He's lying! He's not even Asian!
LING-LING: (Very really true! Ling-Ling can smell scent of own Asian from infinity mile away!)
XANDIR: Well... are you at least gay?
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: Of course I am, idiot! Throughout my entire life, I've been as straight as Pikachu's damn tail! Now cut the crap, and let me kill this f***head!
[Waitohooru keeps his finger on the trigger.]
WAITOHOORU[pissed off]: Tell me who you REALLY are!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: What the f***? I am---
WAITOHOORU[even more pissed off]: TELL ME, GOD DAMMIT!!!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON[nervous]: I...
WAITOHOORU: Tell me, or I shoot!
DESCENDANT OF THE DRAGON: All right, all right!
["Descendant of the Dragon" takes off his disguise, revealing himself to be...]
STAN: Whoa, dude.
[Waitohooru is surprised.]
WAITOHOORU: D... Dave Wenzler?
DAVE: There, are you happy?
CHROMUS: I suppose we'd better take off our disguises as well.
STAR OTAKU: Yes, let's.
["Star Otaku", "Chromus", "Joe Mello", "Super Hurricane", and "Zach Kaiser", in turn, take off their disguises, revealing themselves to be Jane Black, Artie Elker, Henry Andersen, Mike Storch, and Manny Edwards, respectively.]
STAN[under his breath]: Son of a bitch...
ARPULVER: I knew it... I just knew the Animation Alliance would be behind this deception! And in cahoots with the likes of Waitohooru, no less! I'd just like to say I'm so glad I disowned the company!
ARTIE[to Arpulver]: So? You're guilty too!
ARPULVER: Huh?
MIKE: Take it off, buddy!
MANNY: Yeah, that disguise of yours has got to go!
ARPULVER: I'm not in disguise, people! I'm the real deal!
HENRY: Remove it!
ARPULVER: I'd just like to go back home and play Madden, if you don't mind...
JANE: Do it, or we're telling!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah!
ARPULVER[muttering]: Okay, fine...
["Arpulver" now takes off his disguise... and like the fanfic authors who took off their disguises, he is also really an AA member --- Tim Jacobson, in fact.]
STAN: Holy sh**!
TIM: Sorry, everyone! It was me all along!
WAITOHOORU'S MOM[to Waitohooru's dad]: We really should stop exposing our son to deceptive people...
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: I agree wholeheartedly.
[Waitohooru then walks over to his parents.]
WAITOHOORU: And now... you two.
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: What?!
WAITOHOORU: You two are not my parents, so now you must tell me who YOU really are.
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: You don't know who you're talking to! We are so your parents!
WAITOHOORU: Don't lie to me. If you were my parents, you would have stopped me when this guy pointed a gun at me. You are not my parents.
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: YOU'RE lying! I gave birth to you! I am your mother, and you are my son!
WAITOHOORU[pissed off]: Tell me who you are, damn you!
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: Don't you swear at your own mother!
WAITOHOORU[even more pissed off]: TELL ME!!!
WAITOHOORU'S DAD: All right, that's it! When this is over, we're sending you to a group home!
WAITOHOORU[really, really, pissed off]: TEEEEEEEEEELLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
[Waitohooru takes out another gun, and holds it in his other hand. He aims a gun at each of his parents.]
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: You dare threaten to kill your own parents? You are not the boy we cherished and raised!
WAITOHOORU: Tell me who the f*** you are, or I'm gonna shoot!
[Waitohooru foams at the mouth, like some kind of rabid dog.]
WAITOHOORU'S DAD[to Waitohooru's mom]: I guess we'd better tell him.
WAITOHOORU'S MOM: I guess we'd better.
[Suddenly, Waitohooru's "parents" take off their disguises, and reveal themselves as...]
WAITOHOORU: You're kidding...
[...the two members of the AA I have not mentioned. In other words, Waitohooru's "mom" was really Barb Bresnick, and Waitohooru's "dad" was really Tom Wallace.]
STAN[even more shocked]: Jesus f***ing Christ!!!
BARB: Well, well, well... the circle of the Animation Alliance is now complete!
TOM: Yes, and now that you know our secret...
[Tom pulls out a gun, and aims it at Waitohooru.]
TOM: ...I'm afraid we must kill you.
SPANKY: Damn, a hell of a lot of people have guns here...
STAN: Yeah, I noticed.
WAITOHOORU: Why, Tom... why would you do this?
TOM: Because we were trying to keep this project of ours a secret from the public... until YOU interfered with our plans!
BARB: That's right! You knew too much, and we saw you blabbing to other people about our project, so we HAD to make you the host... so that you would fall right into our trap!
DAVE: And now that you're here, we're finally going to kill you, something that we failed to do with Rika! Although we did succeed with Wooldoor over here.
[The other members of the Animation Alliance point guns at Waitohooru.]
ARTIE: Any last words, boy?
WAITOHOORU[crying]: I... I would just like to say...
[At this point, the people who have guns immediately drop them. Waitohooru turns in Stan's direction, and so do the members of the Animation Alliance. The eight Drawn Together members turn to face Stan (including Wooldoor, who isn't really dead.)]
EVERYONE BUT STAN: PSYCH!!!!!
[Everyone except Stan smiles and laughs their asses off, except for Stan, who is shocked. Stan has been shocked many times throughout the series, but never like this.]
STAN[really, really, REALLY shocked]: W... what the f*** IS this?
WAITOHOORU: Congratulations, Stan Marsh! You have passed our test!
STAN: Huh? What test? What's going on here?
WAITOHOORU: As you may have figured out by now, this supposed "reality show" you were on is actually a fake!
TOM: And your eight "housemates" are actually the eight characters of a show called "Drawn Together" that's going to be on Comedy Central!
BARB: Yeah, right after your show, Stan!
WAITOHOORU: And you know what else? Everything you experienced... every challenge, every eviction ceremony, every day you spent here in this house, every scenario you encountered, including this one... all of it was scripted!
STAN: Wha...?!
SPANKY: You should have seen the look on your face, boy!
WAITOHOORU: But at least you got to see a sneak preview of the new show "Drawn Together" when you saw the eight toons you lived with in action! In fact, why don't you reintroduce yourself to them right now?
STAN: Oh okay...
[Stan walks over to Spanky Ham, and shakes his hand.]
STAN: Hi, I am Stan Marsh.
SPANKY: I believe I told you my name is Spanky Ham, boy?
STAN: Are you really that much of a douchebag in real life?
SPANKY: Not really, kid. You have to blame the editing for that. Then again, the cameras ALWAYS get my good side.
[Stan next shakes hands with Wooldoor Sockbat.]
STAN: Hi, I'm Stan Marsh.
WOOLDOOR: Hi, I'm Wooldoor Sockbat! Pleasure to meet you! Wheeee!
STAN: Let me guess, you weren't really dead...
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, I don't want to die! It's scary!
STAN: We're still friends, right?
WOOLDOOR: To the end!
[The next toon Stan shakes hands with is Foxxy Love.]
FOXXY: Whassup, yo? I be Foxxy Love!
STAN: I'm Stan Marsh. Sorry I gave you that TV!
FOXXY: Oh, it's all good, chile! You gone get one!
[Toot is the next toon Stan reintroduces himself to.]
TOOT: Hi, I'm Toot Braunstein! Don't worry, I'm not really that much of a bitch, honest!
STAN: And don't worry, I don't hate black-and-white cartoons, so I'm looking forward to seeing you on TV!
TOOT: Yay!
[Now, Stan introduces himself to Xandir.]
XANDIR: Hello, Stan! I'm Xandir, and I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend! [giggles] Just kidding.
STAN: Are you really gay?
XANDIR: Why, actually I am. Sorry, sweetie!
STAN: It's okay, I'll still watch you!
XANDIR: Maybe I'll teach you some new moves! You'll like them, they're fabulous!
[Stan next introduces himself to Princess Clara.]
CLARA: How do you do? My name is Princess Clara, nice to meet you!
STAN: Nice to meet you, too!
CLARA: I feel so lucky! I got to shake hands with a commoner! I can't wait to tell father about this!
[The next toon Stan meets is Captain Hero.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Hello, little boy. You know me as Captain Hero... and you should, because, well, I *am* Captain Hero.
STAN: Too bad *I* wasn't on your show... you missed out on a good sleeping partner!
CAPTAIN HERO: Maybe during the second season!
STAN: We'll see. [laughs]
[Finally, Stan introduces himself to Ling-Ling.]
STAN: And you're... Ling-Ling?
LING-LING: (Ling-Ling, yes, and you're Stan?)
STAN: Dude, don't even think of killing me, okay? Because I'm not going to kill you! [giggles]
LING-LING: (Ling-Ling really no kill. Ling-Ling like letting other live, and so watching them suffer.)
STAN: One day when I learn your language, I'll find out what that means!
LING-LING: (Future good luck, maybe?)
WAITOHOORU: And now that you've met the cast of Drawn Together, Stan, we'd like to bring out some supporting cast members! Come on out, people!
[Some people that Stan previously encountered in his game come down the stairs. They are Prince Charming, Clara's father, Bleh, and the pizza delivery guy --- all of them from episodes of Drawn Together.]
STAN: Whoa, dude!
WAITOHOORU: Yes, and these people are going to be on Drawn Together as well. You've also met some other cartoon characters who, while they have made cameo appearances in this series, are not going to be in any episode of Drawn Together, but you love them anyway... let's send them in!
[Now coming down the stairs are four other toons Stan saw in the game... Mune-Mune, Strong Bad, Jay, and Ruri.]
STRONG BAD: So, is the kid crying like a baby yet, or what, man?
STAN: You guys... you didn't have to do this!
JAY: Ah, but as long as we're here, we shall, my friend!
WAITOHOORU: You remember Mune-Mune from our first immunity challenge...
MUNE-MUNE: Who could possibly forget THIS body?
[Mune-Mune shakes her sexy body around.]
WAITOHOORU: And Jay, Strong Bad and Ruri were from our second immunity challenge!
RURI: And no, not all of you are idiots!
[Collective laughter among the group.]
STAN: Dude, I'm still confused. Is this for real, and has Spanky won the $100,000?
WAITOHOORU: Actually, for your making it this far... he has.
STAN: What?
SPANKY: That's right, kid! ...No, seriously, you've made it this far, so you get the hundred thousand, Stan! Congrats!
STAN: Wha... no way! *I* get the money? But I thought Spanky...
WAITOHOORU: And you also get all the prizes that were offered in this game! The TV that you thought you gave away to Foxxy? It's yours.
STAN: Wha...?
FOXXY: Ain't no lie, brutha!
WAITOHOORU: All the money earned in the Money, Money, Money, Honey game? That's yours also!
STAN: So that makes my total earnings... uh, I don't know, a very big number!
WAITOHOORU: And of course, the Nintendo DS is yours, and that wasn't really dog crap you had to eat to get it!
STAN: You know, you should have told me, dude! I was just about to throw it away!
WAITOHOORU: Also, you get to keep your animation cel, as well as animation cels of each of the other eight contestants!
[Waitohooru gives Stan the nine cels of all the contestants.]
STAN: Sweet, dude!
WAITOHOORU: And in addition, you get a Pimped-Out Immunity Robe of your very own! You wore it many times during this series... and you can wear it as many times as you want!
[Waitohooru places a Pimped-Out Immunity Robe around Stan's body.]
STAN: Wow... this is very pimp! I'm stoked!
BARB: And you know what else this means? Since this whole show was filmed for you, and only for you... this means you got to be the star of your very own reality show!
[A huge smile forms on Stan's face.]
STAN: Wow, really? Kick ass! Cartman will definitely be jealous of me now!
ARTIE: We had to put you through a lot, kid, but it was worth it in the end!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, everyone's happy! Wheeeeee!
[Wooldoor performs some cartwheels... a lot of them, in fact, around the room.]
WAITOHOORU: And now, it is time to give you one of the prizes, which is a check for $100,000!
STAN: Is it going to be oversized, like that last one?
[Waitohooru pulls out a normal-size check for $100,000, and places it in Stan's hands.]
WAITOHOORU: Will you settle for this size check instead?
STAN: Sure. I don't care!
TOOT: Wave it around in front of the cameras, Stan!
[Stan holds his check in the air, and waves it around.]
XANDIR: I know I keep saying this, but for real, THIS is totally fabulous! I should totally take a picture of all of you, and, like, add it to my album!
[Xandir pulls out a camera.]
STAN: Your album? But I thought Spanky flushed your photos down the -
[Xandir shows Stan his photo album. All the photos Xandir originally had in there are back in there, and intact. None of the photos are of Spanky's ass.]
XANDIR: Surprised, huh? All my photos are still here, and Spanky never flushed them!
SPANKY: No, of course I didn't, boy!
XANDIR: Okay, everyone, get into positions!
[Xandir places the camera on a tripod. All the contestants, cameos, Animation Alliance members, and Waitohoorus (of which there is currently one), take positions. Stan is in the center of the front row. He is holding his check in front of the camera. To Stan's left is, in order, Wooldoor, Ling-Ling, and Ruri. To Stan's right is, in order, Spanky, Strong Bad, and Tim. In the middle row, from left to right, is Jay, the pizza delivery man, Bleh, Clara, Waitohooru, Toot, Henry, Artie, and Jane. There is an empty spot next to Jane, but Xandir quickly fills that spot after he sets the timer on the camera. Finally, in the back row, from left to right, is Captain Hero, the King, Prince Charming, Tom, Dave, Barb, Mune-Mune, Foxxy, Mike, and Manny.]
XANDIR: All right, everyone, smile!
[Everyone in the group smiles.]
XANDIR: Now say, "Drawn Together"!
ALL: Drawn Together!!!
[The camera flashes, taking a picture of the group of twenty-seven. After the flash, the image of the group is frozen. We zoom out, and reveal that it is really a group photo that has been added to Xandir's scrapbook. Zooming out some more reveals that it is also an image on a monitor in a television studio. Standing in front of the monitor, dressed in a Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, is Waitohooru, the host.]
WAITOHOORU: And there you have it. One of the Animation Alliance's most controversial projects ever is a smashing success, with South Park's Stan Marsh as the guinea pig. But then again, I suppose South Park's popularity has something to do with it. In a moment, I will interview Stan Marsh about his experience in the Drawn Together house, as well as show him some behind-the-scenes footage. Don't go away. We'll be right back.
[Fade to black.]
* * *
***********
COMMERCIALS
***********
[Shot of the Reese's logo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How blaxploitation cartoon star Foxxy Love eats a Reese's peanut butter cup.
[Shot of Foxxy Love, in her room in the Drawn Together house. She is holding a Reese's peanut butter cup in her hand.]
FOXXY: First, Foxxy like to lick all the chocolate off, befo' she get to the peanut butter in the middle!
[Foxxy holds the peanut butter cup to her lips, and starts licking away at the chocolate.]
FOXXY[moaning like she's in orgasm]: Ohh, that feel so good... you know you want some more of this!
[Foxxy licks the peanut butter cup some more.]
FOXXY: Oh yeah, baby! Who's yo' mama?
[Shot of the Reese's logo, now with two peanut butter cups in front of it.]
FOXXY(VO): There ain't no wrong way to eat a Reese's, boyeee!
* * *
[Shot of the Reese's logo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How Internet download Spanky Ham eats a Reese's peanut butter cup.
[Shot of Spanky Ham, in the bathroom of the Drawn Together house. He holds a Reese's peanut butter cup in his hand.]
SPANKY: Before I eat it, I like to add my own secret ingredient, to give it that special flavor...
[Spanky places the Reese's peanut butter cup on the toilet. He then unzips his pants, and pees all over the peanut butter cup. After he's done peeing on it, he zips his pants back up, and puts the peanut butter cup in his mouth, and eats it.]
SPANKY: Hmm... needs more blood.
[Shot of the Reese's logo, now with two peanut butter cups in front of it.]
FOXXY(VO): Mebbe there a wrong way to eat a Reese's afta' all...
SPANKY(VO): I heard that!
* * *
[Shot of the backyard of the Drawn Together house. Captain Hero is in the sky, flying around, while Wooldoor is on the ground, trying ecstatically to reach him.]
WOOLDOOR: Gosh, Captain Hero, I wish I could fly like you!
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, you have wings on your head, right? So... use those!
WOOLDOOR: I'll try...
[Wooldoor tries as hard as he can flapping the wings on his head to fly... but they don't seem to work.]
WOOLDOOR: Aw, man! I can't do it!
CAPTAIN HERO: Then maybe THIS will work... it HAS to!
[Captain Hero pulls out a can of Red Bull energy drink, and throws it to Wooldoor.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Drink this!
[Wooldoor catches the can of Red Bull, opens the can, and drinks the liquid inside. In an instant, a pair of wings sprout on Wooldoor's back. The new wings flutter rapidly, and Wooldoor is instantly flying in the sky, at Captain Hero's level.]
WOOLDOOR: Wow, you're right! Thank you, Captain Hero!
CAPTAIN HERO: Any time, my friend!
[Suddenly, Ling-Ling enters the backyard. He is pissed off when he sees Wooldoor and Captain Hero floating in the sky.]
LING-LING: (There are you! Two of you, right now come down to Ling-Ling, and you then clean dishes!)
CAPTAIN HERO: I'm sorry, what was that?
[An anime vein sprouts from Ling-Ling's forehead.]
[Shot of a white screen, with a single can of Red Bull on it.]
WOOLDOOR(VO): Red Bull gives you wiiiings! Wheeeeee!
* * *
[Shot of Clara and Toot in the living room in the Drawn Together house. Xandir is also in the room, impressing them with a cool sword technique.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Every girl who's watched Drawn Together wants Xandir for their very own!
CLARA: He's mine!
TOOT: No, I saw him first, princess!
XANDIR[sighing]: This scenario is so Dragon Quest 5...
[Cut to a shot of Clara and Toot in their bedroom, each of them playing with an action figure that resembles Xandir.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And now, you can have a Xandir of your very own!
[Shot of Clara controlling the arm on her Xandir figure that has a sword in its hand.]
CLARA: Yah! Take that! Make those unholy Muslims pay!
[Shot of Toot dressing her Xandir figure up, by equipping it with a silver-colored shield in one hand, and a silver-colored helmet on its head.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): You can also purchase different accessories for your Xandir to wear!
[Toot pulls the string on her Xandir figure, who then speaks in obviously pre-recorded sentences.]
XANDIR FIGURE[in synthesized Xandir voice]: -
TOOT[swooning]: He's so dreeeeamy!
[Shot of Clara also dressing her Xandir figure, but the shield and helmet she equips her Xandir with are different colors.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): But mismatch his equipment, and your Xandir will know it!
[Clara pulls the string on her Xandir figure.]
XANDIR FIGURE: - - -
CLARA: Yes, that's right! They really should arrest those Somalians! Thank you, Xandir action figure!
TOOT: Yes, thank you!
[Toot turns to the camera angrily.]
TOOT: And no thanks to YOU, all you guys out there who stood me up! Well, I have a man now, so deal with it, buckos!
[Toot blows the camera a raspberry.]
[Shot of a Xandir action figure, with some of his accessories, on a table.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): The Xandir action figure comes with everything shown here. Additional accessories sold separately. Batteries, styling gel, and Viagra not included.
XANDIR FIGURE: -
* * *
[Footage of Stan, in a scene from Animated Joe Schmo, handcuffed to Clara.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Unbreakable handcuffs... 75 dollars.
[Footage of Stan licking chocolate off Foxxy's body.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Body chocolate... 50 dollars.
[Footage of Stan, after the third immunity challenge, trying on the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Pimped-out immunity robe... 1000 dollars.
[Footage of Stan, in the final episode of Animated Joe Schmo, who has a shocked expression on his face after he finds out that the series is a fake.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): The look on Stan Marsh's face when you tell him that the reality series he's on is a fake... priceless.
STAN[really, really, REALLY shocked]: W... what the f*** IS this?
[Shot of a white screen, with a MasterCard credit card on it.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
***************
END COMMERCIALS
***************
* * *
[Cut back to Waitohooru on the set. He is standing in front of two chairs, both empty. He will sit in one of them eventually, and the other one is for Stan Marsh, who he will be interviewing.]
WAITOHOORU: Welcome back. If you're just joining us, we revealed to Stan Marsh the truth about Drawn Together --- that it is just a setup to drive him completely insane. But he did get a lot of things out of it... including $100,000 in cash, animation cels of him and the eight Drawn Together cast members, a Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, a Nintendo DS, and a Panasonic TV. In addition, he also made eight new friends, all from a TV show that will air in the time slot after his show, South Park. And I suppose I'd better talk with him right now, because there's no telling what he'll do to me if I keep him waiting for too long... ladies and gentlemen, our "Joe Schmo", Stan Marsh!
[Stan Marsh appears from backstage.]
WAITOHOORU: Hi, Stan, it's so nice to have you here!
STAN: Dude, I'm so glad that show wasn't real, otherwise, you'd be talking to Spanky Ham right now!
WAITOHOORU: Yes, god forbid! [laughs] And don't worry, I'm not a psycho killer, either.
STAN: Whew, that's a relief!
WAITOHOORU: Now then, Stan Marsh, please take a seat, and we'll begin.
STAN: Okay.
[Stan takes a seat in one of the chairs, and Waitohooru sits in the other one.]
WAITOHOORU: Stan... tell me. On a scale of 1 to 10, how close were you to figuring out that this show was fake? You can be honest with me!
STAN: On a scale of 1 to 10, huh? I would have to say... a 4.
WAITOHOORU: Wow, a 4... so close, but not close enough. But even if you DID figure it out, what, pray tell, was the giveaway?
STAN: Well, I *was* a bit suspicious of the eight toons I had to live with...
WAITOHOORU: Really?
STAN: Yeah, they're supposed to be from these different types of cartoons... and I've never heard of any of the eight of them... and yet they all had one thing in common... every single one of them, I believe, was dirtier than me!
WAITOHOORU: Whoa, that's a shock, considering South Park is one of the filthiest cartoon shows on television!
STAN: Yeah...
WAITOHOORU: But I guess South Park will have to give up its "dirtiest cartoon" crown once Drawn Together airs in late October... and believe me, I've seen a few episodes of THAT.
STAN: And what exactly did you see in those episodes...?
WAITOHOORU: Trust me, kid, you don't want to know. You shared a house with the cast, so you probably know what I'm talking about.
STAN: I'm surprised ANYONE could stand living in the same house as THOSE eight weirdos!
WAITOHOORU: I'm glad I wasn't a contestant on that show, otherwise I'd go insane, like you did!
STAN: Yeah...
WAITOHOORU: Although I hear someone IS planning on making another fanfic author a contestant on a show similar to this one... that show is, I believe, called "Justin Schmo".
STAN: Really?
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, my humble show is apparently popular enough to already have a spinoff!
STAN[laughs]: I'll have to see what THAT is like...
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, JusSonic is making this one... you've seen his Cartoon Survivor series, I bet?
STAN: Yes...
WAITOHOORU: And I believe you called it "mind-numbing crap"?
STAN: Oh... during that challenge.
WAITOHOORU: Yes, the "Master Debater" challenge.
STAN: Hey, it wasn't my fault... that was my topic, dude!
WAITOHOORU: Speaking of the challenges... which challenges did you think were the most... unusual? As in, which challenges would other reality shows dare not touch?
STAN: Well... a lot of them, exactly!
WAITOHOORU: Can you name one in particular?
STAN: Well, there is the challenge where I had to eat dog crap...
WAITOHOORU: Ah, the challenge you hated...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence from Episode 7, during the Reward Challenge.]
WAITOHOORU: Stan Marsh, this is the last dish... are you ready for it?
[Waitohooru removes the cover from the final dish.]
WAITOHOORU: You get to eat... canine feces!
[Stan looks at what is on his plate. It is not canine feces *per se*, but a huge glop of leftover chocolate from the previous immunity challenge, with bits of corn inserted inside, along with some peanuts. It's also soaked in a special cologne to make it smell REALLY REALLY BAD.]
STAN[holding his nose]: Dude! You people really make me sick!
* * *
STAN: I can't believe I was forced to eat THAT sh**...
WAITOHOORU: You *do* know that wasn't really dog feces, right?
STAN: Okay, what is it REALLY? Humor me.
WAITOHOORU: Well, it was really leftover chocolate from the immunity challenge the day before. You know, where you had to stick out your tongue and give Foxxy a good lickin'?
STAN: [laughs] God, you have got to be f***ing kidding me! No wonder I almost threw up!
WAITOHOORU: Licking Foxxy can do that to ya!
STAN: Maybe South Park Elementary should teach THAT!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah!
[At this point, a drunk Captain Hero totters onto the set.]
STAN: Oh, hey, Captain Hero.
CAPTAIN HERO[slurred]: Shtan... Waitohooru... you'VE GOTTA ATtend the afterPARty! *HIC* Foxxy'sh aBOUT TO SHow 'em!
WAITOHOORU: Not NOW, Captain Hero! Can't you see I'm busy with this interview?
CAPTAIN HERO[slurred]: OookaaaAY, BUT YOu don't knOW WHAT YOu're misshing!
[Captain Hero teeters back toward where he came from.]
CAPTAIN HERO[slurred, OS]: Hey evERYONe! ShuPERMAN'Sh baCK...!
[Stan and Waitohooru shake their heads in embarrassment.]
STAN[to Waitohooru]: Damn, dude, you were right about them!
WAITOHOORU: Earlier, when I said you don't want to know, I really meant it! Good think neither of us are attending the afterparty, since it's nothing more than a big boozefest, and you're not missing much. You're too young to drink, and I chose to be non-alcoholic, so booyah to THEM, huh?
STAN: Yeah, screw them!
WAITOHOORU: And speaking of age limits, how frustrating was it having to live in a house where all the girls are legal, but unfortunately, you weren't?
STAN: Very frustrating!
WAITOHOORU: And even more frustrating was that some of them had crushes and romantic encounters that you thought existed... and right in front of you!
STAN: I know what you mean, dude! I remember, early on, Toot was in love with me...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence from Episode 2, where Stan encountered Toot in the kitchen.]
TOOT: You know what, Stan? I really think... you're kind of cute.
STAN: R... really? Y... you really feel that way about me?
TOOT: That's right. No one has ever stood up for me like you have.
* * *
WAITOHOORU: You don't know Toot Braunstein as much as I do, boy. That woman will have a crush on anything that moves.
STAN: And I believe she had one on you!
WAITOHOORU: You took the words right out of my mouth, Stan! The love triangle thing, with me, Toot, and Clara... how annoying was it?
STAN: Well...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence from Episode 4, where the gang is looking at the autographed headshots of the host.]
XANDIR: Clara, what does yours say?
[Clara shows everyone her headshot.]
CLARA: Oh gosh... mine says "To Princess Clara --- You truly are, literally, a storybook princess. Hope you find your Prince Charming... in fact, he is a lot closer to you than you think! Sincerely, Waitohooru."
FOXXY[to Clara]: Ooh, I think he love you!
[At this point, Toot fumes angrily.]
STAN: What's wrong, Toot?
TOOT: You don't want to see how he signed mine... trust me.
CAPTAIN HERO: What's the big deal? I mean, he could have signed it "To Toot, From Waitohooru" like everyone else, right?
TOOT: That's not how he signed mine! Look!
[Toot shows everyone her headshot.]
STAN: Damn...
TOOT: See? He didn't even write my name!
* * *
STAN: Very... very annoying!
WAITOHOORU: And now that you know it isn't real... do you feel relieved not to be a part of it?
STAN: Pretty much! Those girls are still way too old for me!
WAITOHOORU: You might have had a better chance of getting it on with Xandir, or Ling-Ling... or even Wooldoor!
STAN: Yeah, I would... and if my parents saw this, they'd still ground me!
[At this point, a drunken Toot Braunstein enters.]
TOOT[slurred]: Did shOMEONE SHay "pounD ME"?!?! BecauSHE I'D GladlY DO It! *HIC*
STAN: N... no! No, Toot... I said "ground me"! My parents would ground me!
TOOT[slurred]: Oh, I'lL POUnd yoU! I'Ll pounD YOU LIke a hammer poUNDSH A NAil, big bOY...!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, Toot, I'm interviewing this kid! You're supposed to be at the party!
[Toot lunges toward Stan, but fortunately Waitohooru pushes Toot back toward the party. And, amazingly, Waitohooru is strong enough to move THAT huge, blubbery mass.]
TOOT[slurred, OS]: No...! I don't lIKE JENNY CRaig! She'SH AN anorexshIC SHLut...!!!
[Waitohooru returns to where Stan is, and quickly takes his seat.]
STAN: Christ, dude!
WAITOHOORU: I swear, those toons are so drunk, it just ain't funny!
STAN: Who'd laugh at THOSE retards, anyway?
WAITOHOORU: Son, let's say you're probably too young to count that high.
STAN: Oh, they're high, all right!
WAITOHOORU: Well, I suppose I'd better show you something now while we still have our sanity.
STAN: Okay then, what is it?
[Waitohooru pulls a video tape out of video tape space.]
WAITOHOORU: Stan... on this video is a short film that details what goes on behind the scenes... in other words, how this show was made, and how YOU somehow ended up in the middle of all this.
[Waitohooru puts the video tape into the VCR, then presses the PLAY button. An image appears on the screen, and Stan and Waitohooru immediately watch.]
* * *
******************************************
BEHIND THE SCENES: THE EVOLUTION OF A.J.S.
******************************************
[The first image in the film is a fast-motion shot of Waitohooru, in his bedroom, typing the script for "Drawn Together".]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Many people around the world have dreamed of reality shows featuring cartoon characters... in fact, some people have become so obsessed with this dream that they write fanfics about the cartoon characters they love just so their dream can come true.
[Montage of all eight Drawn Together cast members.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Comedy Central already made this dream come true, with a promising show called "Drawn Together", which would allow eight cartoon characters to share the same house a la "Big Brother", or "The Real World".
[Montage of about a hundred of the MANY controversial scenes in the Drawn Together series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): However, the show cares little about either the reality-show format or any of the eight characters' backgrounds and storylines, and instead goes all out with raunchy, suggestive, adult themes and sickening, offensive material... so many that I won't even list them here!
[Montage of Waitohooru showing his script to the members of the Animation Alliance.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): So, in reaction to this, I made a fanfic that depicted what would happen if Drawn Together was an actual reality show, and I was the host. There were challenges, there were eviction ceremonies, and all of the eight toons were in character and stayed true to their backgrounds... unlike in the actual series!
[Montage of the Animation Alliance showing the script to the eight Drawn Together cast members.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): I hoped my dream for a classy Drawn Together would come true... but the eight cast members said that the nasty behavior they exhibited was in their blood, and they wouldn't change for anyone!
[Montage of the young boys applying for "Drawn Together"... just like in the opening sequence of the first episode of this series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): To teach the houseguests a lesson, I held auditions for a ninth cast member... a pure young boy that I hoped would deal with their nastiness.
[The montage ends on a shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): That young boy... is YOU, Stan Marsh. Yes, you. You have been in a lot of unpleasant situations before in South Park and handled them perfectly, and you're still in one piece. I thought, "Surely this young boy can deal with eight adult cartoon characters who are so stupid, they don't even know what cartoon genre they're supposed to be representing half the time"!
[Cut to a shot of Waitohooru rewriting the script for the DT cast members, who are watching him.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And to further trick them, I had to make the housemates think I was on their side, by rewriting the script to suit their needs. However, I only added the nasty situations that I thought you could handle easily. I know this show was about tricking you, but this show is really also about fooling the eight Drawn Together cast members.
* * *
[Cut back to Stan and Waitohooru on the set.]
STAN: Whoa, really?
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, each of your eight housemates thought they were going to get paid $100,000 for putting on this act! However, not a single one of them is getting one red cent of that money!
STAN: Wow...
WAITOHOORU: That's right, Stan! You, and only you, are going to get money out of this! Besides, if the Animation Alliance really did have enough to pay them, not only would that be a completely insane idea, but it would also put the A.A. out of business!
STAN: Yeah, that would really suck ass!
WAITOHOORU: Still glad that this isn't real, and that money isn't in Spanky's hands?
STAN: Yep!
[Speak of the devil, a naked Spanky Ham goes on the set, chasing after a naked Foxxy Love. Thankfully, their naughty bits are blurred out.]
STAN: What the f***...
WAITOHOORU: What IS this?
FOXXY[to Spanky]: Oh, catch Foxxy if you must, but you ain't gone have none of this, cause Foxxy Love is forbidden fruit, baby!
SPANKY[to Foxxy]: Well, you just happen to be talking to one of the most famous online fox-hunters! Ever seen "Taste My Fox"? Huh? Well, ya SHOULD!
FOXXY[to Spanky]: Then get yo' ass over here if ya wanna snag THIS booty!
[Foxxy shakes her fox tail, taunting Spanky.]
SPANKY: Come to papa!
[Spanky chases Foxxy around the set, encircling both Stan and Waitohooru in the process.]
WAITOHOORU: Oh, that does it...
[Waitohooru pulls out a giant weight with "HEAVY LOURDE" written on it, and places it in Spanky and Foxxy's path. The two slam into the weight.]
STAN: Ouch! That's gotta hurt!
[Waitohooru peels Foxxy and Spanky off the weight.]
WAITOHOORU[to Foxxy and Spanky]: Hey, you two... shouldn't you be backstage, where you're SUPPOSED to be?
FOXXY AND SPANKY: Yeah, yeah...
[Foxxy and Spanky's squashed bodies sprout fingers, which tiptoe back toward the party in cartoon-like fashion.]
WAITOHOORU: Anyway, where were we?
STAN: I think it was when you told me that you were not going to give those R-tards money.
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, after all, you were an innocent young boy, and I was worried about what those toons were going to do to you in the Drawn Together house, so I came up with the deception that they were going to earn $100,000 if they stuck to the script, and they fell for it, hook, line, and sinker!
STAN: I just don't get why some people think money is more important than anything else...
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, you know what they say... money talks. Anyway, let's get back to watching this film.
STAN: Let's hope we don't get interrupted again!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, I sure hope so...
[Waitohooru presses the PLAY button again to resume the film.]
* * *
[The next scene in the film is of the Drawn Together cast members rehearsing a scene. This scene is the first eviction ceremony, and it is of Ling-Ling chewing out the other houseguests... likening them to demons. Note that Stan is absent from this scene.]
LING-LING: Ling-Ling see this Drawn Together house as den of eight fierce demons... demons from Hell... demons which no one can defeat, not even Ling-Ling! So Ling-Ling hope that one day, when leave this house, you will being exposed to outside world, and ex... exor... exorshi...
[Ling-Ling sweatdrops, then points to a word on the cue card.]
LING-LING: (Dammit, what that writing supposed to be?)
SPANKY: "Exorcised", dumbass! Ex... or... cised!
LING-LING: Ex... or... cised... ex... or... cised... [smiles] ...hai!
WAITOHOORU(VO): We were then busy practicing all of the scenarios that you would eventually encounter. Of course, since we all did this behind your back, you weren't in any of them. In fact, we hired someone to play you during the rehearsals!
[Next is a rehearsal of a scene from Episode 3, where Xandir reacts to Spanky vandalizing his photo album with shots of his ass.]
XANDIR: What is this?
SPANKY: Why, it's a photo album. Duh.
XANDIR: It's not just a photo album... it's MY photo album! Who took it from my room while I was at the spa... and replaced the photos that were in there with... with THESE?
[We see a shot of all the players participating. However, replacing Stan is a guy with brown hair, and glasses. He is wearing tennis shoes, black pants, and a green shirt. This is JusSonic.]
JUSSONIC: Spanky Ham, what have you done? That's Xandir's photo album!
SPANKY: So?
JUSSONIC: So... what you did was wrong! Don't you even care about his feelings?
SPANKY: Okay. I won't.
WAITOHOORU(VO): JusSonic, the author of the Cartoon Survivor series, played the temporary role of Joe Schmo. And since Joe Schmo is unpredictable, we rehearsed alternate scenes for each and every single act in the show, depending on Joe Schmo's actions. Remember, you didn't like the fact that Spanky apparently messed with Xandir's photo album. But here's a scene that would have occurred if the opposite happened...
[The next scene is an alternate version of the photo album sequence. Same as before, Xandir comes out, with the vandalized photo album.]
XANDIR: It's not just a photo album... it's MY photo album! Who took it from my room while I was at the spa... and replaced the photos that were in there with... with THESE?
[Xandir shows the photo to everyone. However, in this version, JusSonic laughs his ass off when he sees the photo.]
JUSSONIC[laughing]: Oh man... that is so funny!
XANDIR: No, it isn't! I worked hard on this photo album! Whoever did this should apologize!
JUSSONIC: Oh, I'm sooooo sorry... sorry I didn't look at it earlier!
[JusSonic and Spanky continue to laugh their asses off.]
XANDIR[annoyed]: Oh, forget you two...
* * *
[Cut back to Stan and Waitohooru on the set.]
STAN[shocked]: That's what would have happened? Jesus f***ing Christ...
WAITOHOORU: Good thing you weren't as much of an asshole as Spanky was!
STAN: So, is it really true there were alternate versions of every scene?
WAITOHOORU: That's right. In fact, there was one alternate scene that you were lucky you weren't around to experience!
* * *
[The next scene on the monitor is an alternate version of the immunity challenge in Episode 4. It's a scene of the cartoon judges rating Wooldoor's performance.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, judges, that was Wooldoor Sockbat and his magic tricks! Now, let's find out how you rated him. We'll start with Jay.
WOOLDOOR: No, "we'll" starts with W!
WAITOHOORU: Jay, what did you think of Wooldoor's act?
JAY: It stinks!
[Wooldoor's eyes expand, and his jaw drops and hits the floor with a THUD.]
JAY: You call that magic? Those so-called illusions are worse than the special effects in Miramax's last three films combined! I'll give this act... a 2.
WOOLDOOR[to Jay]: Y... you're mean!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so far Wooldoor's score is 2. Strong Bad, what score did YOU give him?
STRONG BAD: Holy crap, man! The Cheat is more likely to give up smoking than this guy is likely to give up sucking!
[Drops of sweat run down Wooldoor's face, and his teeth chatter repeatedly.]
STRONG BAD: I'ma give this guy a... 1.
WOOLDOOR: Aw, that's not fair, you guys!
STRONG BAD: Well, life ain't always fair, Wool-DORK Sock-BUTT!
SPANKY: Yeah, good one, S.B.!
[Wooldoor cries his eyes out.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay then, Wooldoor's score is now 3. Rya, what's your opinion?
[Instead of Ruri Hoshino, the third "judge" in this scenario is Rya, from the webtoon Bonus Stage.]
RYA: WELL, WOOLDOOR PERFORMED JUST LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO...
[Wooldoor is excited.]
RYA: ...LIKE A FAGGOT.
[Wooldoor is disappointed.]
RYA: I HOPE YOU PACKED ENOUGH SUNTAN LOTION, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. GOOD BYE, AND MAY YOUR TESTICLES BE CHOPPED OFF AND FED TO CERBERUS.
[Rya shoots Wooldoor with her cannon arm, knocking him out cold on the stage. There is a long, ghostly silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Ooookay... all right, who's next?
* * *
[Cut back to Stan and Waitohooru on the set.]
WAITOHOORU: Be thankful the third judge was Ruri, and not HER!
STAN: I probably wouldn't last the whole game!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah...
[And yet again, Waitohooru's interview with Stan is interrupted by a stray Drawn Together cast member... Wooldoor Sockbat, in fact, who comes out wearing a frilly pink negligee.]
WOOLDOOR: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
STAN: Wooldoor... what are you doing here?
WOOLDOOR: Help me, you guys! They're making me wear this!!!
[Waitohooru gets up out of his chair, and narrows his eyes.]
WAITOHOORU[under his breath]: I've had enough of this...
STAN: Yeah, me too.
[Waitohooru picks up Wooldoor, and drags him toward the party backstage. He addresses the Drawn Together cast.]
WAITOHOORU[to the DT cast members]: All right... whose idea was it to bring Wooldoor onto the set wearing... Clara's negligee, I think?
[Silence.]
CLARA: That's not mine!
[More silence.]
CLARA: No, really, it isn't mine! Honest!
XANDIR: Oh, it was mine... sorry!
[Waitohooru... shuddering... hands Wooldoor back to the other houseguests.]
WAITOHOORU: I warn you... no more interruptions... or else...
[Waitohooru places a pointer finger to his neck, and makes a chop-off-your-head motion. He then returns to the set with Stan.]
STAN: I am now permanently scarred...
WAITOHOORU: So am I...
[Waitohooru pulls out another video.]
WAITOHOORU: I had one more video left, and I was going to save it for later, but I thought I'd better let everyone see it now. I have the sinking feeling we're gonna be interrupted again.
[Waitohooru puts the video in the VCR, and presses the PLAY button.]
WAITOHOORU: The houseguests already know what you thought about them... now it's time for you to find out what the houseguests thought about you.
[The tape starts up, and it shows a montage of the Drawn Together cast members being interviewed about Stan.]
* * *
CLARA(CC): Stan Marsh... for a young boy from a backwards mountain town filled with lower-class, uncouth, slovenly-behaved, misguided souls... you're one of the best I've seen!
WOOLDOOR(CC): Ever since I formed that alliance with Stan at the very beginning... I hoped it would stick! He always stood up for me, even when no one else would!
FOXXY(CC): Since Foxxy shared a house with the other DT housemates, she seen that some of the white people don't do nothin' but sit on they ass. Foxxy, she sit on her ass, too... but at least she see a little white boy who didn't!
TOOT(CC): In the Drawn Together house, there was the color war... in which the seven other toons were in color, and I was in black-and-white. Stan could have sided with one group or the other. Stan was never one to take sides. Of course, I would have liked it if he sided with me... but that's still okay.
LING-LING(CC): (Stan... for American boy, you are really the chosen. Ling-Ling have never respected American since creation of Hollywood... lucky that Stan one of few children born with brain in society today. And born from Colorado and not Hollywood.)
XANDIR(CC): When you look at this child, you think, "Oh, he's just a little kid, and he's easily going to be prey for the most powerful monsters in the world", right? Well, that's totally not true! He's endured a lot of horrible situations, and has stared Death in the face, and totally showed HIM who's boss!
SPANKY(CC): Stan is going to be a child star, I can feel it. Too bad he's not going to be in any of those child pornography films... oh, I was looking FORWARD to that!
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): Aw, c'mon, you guys. Just because he's not that strong and doesn't have all these super powers that I have does not make him weak. It's called common sense, people!
CLARA(CC): If I was a damsel in distress, and my father says I still am... then Stan would be my knight in shining armor! That's why Mexicans can never be good knights, because they never clean their armor.
WOOLDOOR(CC): If I was a chocolate bar, and I wanted someone to eat me, I'd let Stan do it! Of course, I never want ANYONE to eat me... that is scary!
FOXXY(CC): If Foxxy be trapped on a desert island and could take a white person with her... it be Stan, natch! Other white folks prob'ly gone cook the black girl and eat her 'cause she all [makes quotes with her fingers] "juicy". [smiles] Now what gone give you THAT idea? [winks]
TOOT(CC): If I wanted to share my food with someone, it would be Stan! Certain other guys would eat it all and leave no food for me... [angrily] I think you ALL know who I'm talking about. That's right. You know who you are, so fess up!
LING-LING(CC): (If Ling-Ling challenge someone, would be Stan. Ling-Ling HAVE to challenge someone, since not get chance ever since trapped in Drawn Together house! It like take power from the Ling-Ling and give to ego or something else...? Unfair, is!)
XANDIR(CC): Like, omigod, but if I could totally take someone shopping with me, Stan's the man! I'd totally let him try on new outfits... because, sorry, Stan, I like you and all, but your brown jacket doesn't match those blue pants of yours. Unless it's some kind of trend that I don't know about, and if it is, can I try it out? Not YOUR clothes, silly, I'll buy my own! I've got lots of gold in my inventory!
SPANKY(CC): Okay, this is sort of a no-brainer, but if I had to watch someone else's cartoons, I'd watch "South Park". [laughs] I gotta tell ya, children exposed to suggestive material keeps me so alive!
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): Let me tell ya, if I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. I'd hammer in the evening, and... oh, we're talking about Stan, right? Hee hee... my bad!
CLARA(CC): Go for it, Stan! Make all races and religions proud of you, so that they'll have a reason to smile before they end up burning in eternal hellfire.
WOOLDOOR(CC): I hope to see you again, Stan! Those other people are scary! Oh, I told you that? Well, I'll tell you again... they're SCARY!
FOXXY(CC): Keep it real, Stan! Keep on groovin', and shakin', and bumpin' and grindin'!
TOOT(CC): Love ya, Stan! Show those other color cartoons how dumb and poorly conceived they are!
LING-LING(CC): (You are your own, Stan! Teach the other America why it has lost their way!)
XANDIR(CC): I'm cheering for you, Stan! May you be blessed with lots of experience points in your life!
SPANKY(CC): Yeah, Stan, you're the best! I pray your computer has the fastest dialup of all... so that you'll download every single one of my dirty movies in less than a minute!
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): Keep on trucking, Stan, and don't ever, ever, do kryptonite! Because... it's bad, Stan. I mean, I had to end up in rehab after one kilo of that stuff.
[Shot of all eight Drawn Together members sharing the same camera confessional.]
CLARA, WOOLDOOR, FOXXY, TOOT, LING-LING, XANDIR, SPANKY, AND CAPTAIN HERO: Stan, from all of us at Drawn Together, we love you!!!
[Shot of the Drawn Together members each blowing a kiss... before they go back to arguing with each other (their fight, of course, obscured by a thick cloud of cartoon smoke).]
* * *
[Cut back to Stan and Waitohooru in the studio. Stan, after watching this, is laughing his ass off even more.]
STAN: I sure regret that I won't be able to see them again...
WAITOHOORU: Really?
STAN: Nah, just f***ing with you. They're all screwy. They should go back to their own cartoon worlds, or wherever the hell they came from. They don't belong here.
WAITOHOORU: They DEFINITELY don't belong here...
[One more interruption from a Drawn Together cast member, this time, from a drunken Ling-Ling. He raises his hands as if preparing to charge up for an attack.]
WAITOHOORU: Oh, come ON!
LING-LING[slurred]: (Prepare tO TASHTe the aweSHOME CHALlengeSH!)
[Ling-Ling, still in his drunken stupor, summons a giant sphere of electricity, causing Waitohooru to pull out a giant magnet. The electric sphere clings to the magnet, and since Ling-Ling is holding on to it, he clings to it. Waitohooru throws the magnet (and Ling-Ling) at the other Drawn Together cast members. He then pulls out a bucket of water, and hands it to Stan.]
WAITOHOORU[to Stan]: You know what to do, right?
STAN: Believe me, you don't know how long I've wanted to do this...
[Stan splashes the water onto the eight Drawn Together housemates. Since the eight housemates are exposed to electricity, and they're all in a puddle of water, they are all electrocuted... and they all faint unconscious from the shock.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, THIS interview is over. Come on, Stan. I'll buy you an orange smoothie.
STAN[smiling]: Sweet, dude!
[Stan and Waitohooru leave the set. Just as Waitohooru goes out the door, he turns to face the camera.]
WAITOHOORU[shouting]: All right, roll the credits!
* * *
Cast
Starring:
STAN MARSH
PRINCESS CLARA
WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
FOXXY LOVE
TOOT BRAUNSTEIN
LING-LING
XANDIR
SPANKY HAM
CAPTAIN HERO
and
WAITOHOORU
Also Starring:
MUNEKO MUNEYAMA
JAY SHERMAN
STRONG BAD
RURI HOSHINO
THE OCTOPUSSOIR
PRINCE CHARMING
CLARA'S FATHER
BLEH
THE PIZZA DELIVERY MAN
* * *
The Animation Alliance
HENRY ANDERSEN
JANE BLACK
BARB BRESNICK
MANNY EDWARDS
ARTIE ELKER
TIM JACOBSON
MIKE STORCH
TOM WALLACE
DAVE WENZLER
Main Writer
WAITOHOORU
Line Producer
WAITOHOORU
Editor
WAITOHOORU
Game Producer
WAITOHOORU
Casting
WAITOHOORU (notice a pattern?)
Music
SOOTHES THE SAVAGE BEAST
Stunt Double
JUSSONIC
Art Director
MS PAINT
Art Designers
PABLO PICASSO
VINCENT VAN GOGH
Post Supervisor
A CEREAL BOX
Assistant Editor
A LARGE WHIP
Lighting Director
THOMAS ALVA EDISON
Script Supervisor
MARIJUANA (just kidding!)
Cameras
KODAK
POLAROID
Video Tape Operator
A VCR
Audio
CHOPPY MP3 RECORDINGS
Set Decorator
MARTHA STEWART
Wardrobe
AN ARMOIRE
Make-Up
I MEAN IT, ARPULVER
Hair
A MUSICAL FROM THE '70S
Loggers
LUMBERJACKS
On-Line Editor
HTML
Grip
YOU'D BETTER GET ONE
Key Grip
A KEYHOLDER
Post-Production Mixer
THE ONE THE DRAWN TOGETHER CAST MEMBERS ARE HAVING
Director
WAITOHOORU
Producer
WAITOHOORU
Executive Producer
YOUR MOM
Special Thanks To
THE ANIMATION ALLIANCE
JUSSONIC
COMEDY CENTRAL
TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE
DAVE JESER AND MATT SILVERSTEIN
PARAMOUNT
THE BROTHERS CHAPS
MATT WILSON
NINTENDO
FRITZ FRAUNDORF
INDOGUTSU TENBUKI
STONE-STANLEY PRODUCTIONS
MATT KENNEDY GOULD (lot of Matt's here, huh?)
CBS
WHOEVER INVENTED SUDOKU
THE LFA
MOM AND DAD
And Last, But Not Least...
YOU!
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[Several weeks later...]
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[Shot of the lobby of the Animation Alliance building. Eric Cartman, also from South Park, meets Jane Black at the reception desk.]
JANE: Hello, little boy, what are you doing here?
CARTMAN: Yes, you see, I saw this one show called "Animated Joe Schmo" that my friend Stan was the star of, and you gave him a hundred thousand dollars and a whole lot of cool sh**?
JANE: Why, yes we did.
CARTMAN: Well, I was wondering... would you please do a sequel, and make me the Joe Schmo, and put me in a house with the eight Drawn Together cast members, so that I can win all that stuff in the end? Please? Pretty pretty please?
[Silence.]
JANE: No!
[Silence.]
CARTMAN[pissed off]: Well, screw you too!
[Cartman raises his middle finger at Jane, and then leaves the Animation Alliance building. By some coincidence, he notice JusSonic standing outside the building.]
JUSSONIC: Hey, Cartman.
CARTMAN: Hey, JusSonic. [pretending to be desperate] Can you help me... pretty please?
JUSSONIC[under his breath]: Hoo boy...
************************************
TO BE CONTINUED IN "JUSTIN SCHMO"...
************************************

Author's Notes:
Whoa! This is the first fanfic I ever finished! I feel so relieved! And with the release of the Drawn Together DVD just weeks away, it makes the whole thing worth it. And yes, I did write what I promised I would!
And now, to sleep! [goes to sleep]
- 8
- 9
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Animated Joe Schmo