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Foiled! Curses again?	By : I_write_badfic_not_tragedies Category: +S through Z > TaleSpin Views: 2508 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Talespin or any other Disney fandom. I make no money off of this fic. Please don't sue me.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
“You wanted to see me, captain?” Rachet asked. The pirate queen, Don Karnage, was pacing nervously back and forth in their quarters. They were wearing their purple bath robe instead of their usual outfit. Yes, they knew that “Don” was technically a masculine form of address, but they didn’t care. They preferred it.
“Yes, shut the front door.”
Rachet shut the door behind him. “Is something wrong? You look distressed. Oh, no, what did the doctor say about why you’ve been nauseous lately?”
“There has been a… little… wickey-sticky,” the pirate leader said. “Dr. Cooper told me about a little froggy on our last visit.”
“Frog? Captain, I don’t understand…”
“The frog has confirmed that you do not know how to use a damn condom,” they snapped.
“I don’t- wait! You’re… you’re… I’m… I’m going to be a daddy?!” he asked excitedly. His partner was not prepared for him to jump forward, parting their robe as he and pressed his ear against their middle. “Hello in there, little one!”
His partner pushed him away. “I… I can’t…. I… I’m the pirate QUEEN! Who ever heard of a pirate queen with whelps at their side? The doctor said he knew of man who could ‘take care of the problem’, but I… have not made my decision yet. At the same time… as much as I am in my fabulous prime, I am getting old enough that I worry this might be my last chance to carry on the great Karnage bloodline.”
He pulled his queen close to his chest. “Think about how amazing our baby will be, with both our combined minds and your looks… when are we going to tell the other pirates…?” he asked.
“Not yet, the others have mushy banana bread for brains, and they will overreact,” Karnage said with a roll of their eyes. They then snorted and grinned. “I suppose the nice thing about all of this nonsense is that at least I got to throw up on that oaf Baloo.”
“I know, you were over-the-moon gleeful about that for days. You’re so sexy when you’re happy.”
“I am always sexy, and I know it.”
Speaking of sexy… the sight of her exposed body had given him a hard on, and his queen had noticed it and was eager to ride it, pregnancy aside. Their breathing sped up in unison as he draped his arms over his partner’s shoulders and pushed himself deep inside them. His leader arched their hips and placed their own arms on Rachet’s hips as they moved against each other. Rachet found the way that his pirate queen’s tongue flicked up and down as she panted surprisingly erotic, at least as much as the heave of her breasts and the touch her hardened nipples against his chest.
He couldn’t stop staring at his partner’s middle as they grinded against each other, even though he knew it was far too early to see anything from the outside. He kept imagining what his partner’s baby bump would look like. Keeping it a secret was probably going to be harder on him than his partner. He wanted to scream from the top of the Vulture that he was going to be a father.
“Go deeper,” his beloved panted, drawing him out of his head and back to the moment at hand. The moment at hand, he could feel a tingle passing through his testicles and cock. With an electric shock he came inside his partner, and they yelped together. He kept grinding until he felt his partner finish as well. They rested a few more moments before the swelling in his knot went down enough to release them from one another. Exhausted from a combination of worrying and sex, the pirate queen crawled back to their bed, burying themselves thoroughly in their sheets. As they were falling asleep, they spoke up again. “Rachet? You said our baby?”
“Hm?” he asked, tired.
“Wolves usually have twins,” they yawned, and then they were out cold.
Rachet waited until he was certain his partner was asleep before gathered his clothes, leaving to recruit Karnage’s inner circle together while he could be certain his partner was sleeping. “Everyone, I need your help. I have decided to ask the captain to marry me, and I need your help coming up with an awe-inspiring proposal.”
The pirates burst into laughter. “You think she’d ever say yes to a marriage proposal?” Jock asked through laughter tears. Rachet knew that Karnage preferred to be referred to as ‘they’ rather than ‘she’, as they said they didn’t quite feel like a woman all the way. The other pirates, however, frequently forgot that, and getting anyone outside of the inner circle to say they instead of she was a lost cause. “All of the men who have tried to propose to her previously have ended up swimming with fishes after taking a swan dive off the plank. From the deck of the Iron Vulture while in flight. What do you think she might see differently in you?”
“Intelligence is sexy,” Rachet answered proudly. “Besides, I’m the only one who doesn’t regularly mess up.” He wanted to say because she’s pregnant, but he couldn’t.
“It’s easy not to mess up when you’re just the mechanic,” Mad Dog snorted.
“Excuse me, the mechanical genius! But we’re getting off topic. Seriously, I need your help coming up with the world’s greatest proposal.”
“That’s not going to be easy. You’re trying to propose to a woman who has stolen more diamond rings than an ordinary woman would see in her lifetime. Also, she hates emeralds for some reason.” Mad Dog didn’t know why that seemed so important. It was like… he could almost, almost remember something unpleasant that had happened involving emeralds. Or maybe it was just a dream?
-
“I think you’re going to have to get a new uniform,” Rachet said, as he tried to pull the last buttons shut on Karnage’s jacket. About four months had passed since the initial diagnosis, and the bump was getting a little too large to ignore. Some of the pirates and the pilots they raided had started to whisper about it, but the general consensus seemed to be that Karnage was getting fat. A couple or pilots had noticed that they had started aggressively going after shipments of Frosty Pep regularly, which was normally something they only did around their birthday. Had they realized an earlier shipment of pickles had been purloined, they might have started to put two and two together.
He placed his hands on their belly. “They are not kicking yet,” Karnage informed him.
“I know, but… it’s so hard to wait! You know I worry about you every time you go out. Can’t you just… lead over the radio?”
“If I trusted my crew not to be the constant screw-ups, I would,” they said with a shake of their head. “Find me another jacket.”
-
Of course, out of all the pilots, it would be Baloo who was blunt enough to finally call out the emperor’s new clothes. “What’s with the new look?” Baloo asked. The pirate leader was wearing a black thing that looked like a combination of a poncho and a cape instead of their usual faux-military style. “Going for a film noir look? Usual outfit stuck at the dry cleaners?”
            If looks could kill, Baloo would legitimately be dead. “I do not take the criticism from a bear whose picture is in the dictionary under disaster fashion,” Karnage snapped.
“Could you not antagonize the one with a sword?” Rebecca whispered. The other pirates were busily tearing open anything they could.
“You want us to cut open the seats, captain?” Dumptruck asked.
“You do not, I just have those reupholstered!” Baloo said angrily.
“I-“ before Karnage could finish, they suddenly flinched and took a step back with a shake of their head.
“Captain, are okay?” Mad Dog asked, taking hold of the pirate queen’s arm.
“I am fine, I am fine…” they made another face.
“Are they kicking?!” Rachet suddenly blurted out. “They’re kicking, aren’t they?!” he asked, placing both hands on the pirate captain’s middle.
“Rachet!!” they shouted angrily, mad that he had just let the cat out of the bag. Yes, they were being kicked. They were being kicked right in the ribs. They still weren’t ready for the pirates to find out that way. “We are in the middle of a business transaction here! And…” Karnage stopped speaking and looked pointedly at Baloo, who along with the Rachet, had his hand directly on their middle.
“Sorry, got caught up in the moment,” Baloo said, backing off.
Baloo heard a grinding sound behind him, and when he looked back, he realized the grinding sound was coming from Rebecca’s teeth. She was practically steaming out of her ears.   “You’re PREGNANT?” she roared angrily, and Baloo was dumbfounded. He had seen her angry before, but he couldn’t say he had ever seen her that angry.
“Wait, you’re pregnant?!” Mad Dog and Dumptruck asked in shocked unison.
Rebecca took several large stomping steps over towards the pirate captain. The other pirates shrank away from her rage. “You’re pregnant and you’re out jumping between planes in mid-air, risking getting shot down, exposing yourself to plane exhaust, waving around sharp objects, and taking the chance of being shot at by armed guards? I don’t care one ounce about you putting yourself in danger, but your PUPPY?”
The pirate leader put their ears back and growled. “You do not get to order me around! I am a QUEEN, you are the PEASANT,” they snapped back.
“If you’re a queen, why are you out doing your own grunt work instead of sending your servants in your place?”
“My servants need guidance,” Karnage sighed. “They do not work well without direction.”
“All of you,” Rebecca continued, pointing. “Which one of you is the dad? What do you have to say about this?”
The other pirates all shrank back from her rage, leaving Rachet standing out from the crowd. Baloo didn’t know the pirates by name, and he didn’t recognize the one in the overalls as a regular flier. “Miz Baloo Boss, this is my mate, Rachet. Rachet, Miz Baloo Boss has something she wants to say to you,” Karnage sarcastically introduced. “She thinks you should tell me to stay home in the kitchen without shoes.”
“That’s not what I said. Don’t put words in my mouth. I’m the last one who would say that a husband should control his wife. What I said was you should talk some sense into her! She’s out there in danger of a plane crash, getting shot at, getting stabbed, falling, and all other kinds of danger with a baby inside her!”
“You think we haven’t had this conversation?” Rachet said, rolling his eyes. “I can’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. Also, they’re not my wife. At least, not until I can come up with an impressive enough proposal… ‘Hey, I don’t want my baby to be born a bastard’ isn’t exactly the kind of romantic proposal my queen deserves.”
Rebecca seemed to viscerally respond to Rachet’s last comment, recoiling back. It took her a moment to recover. “No- no. I agree. Getting married just because you’re pregnant is…” Rebecca trailed off, and Baloo sensed a story there. He decided now was not the appropriate time to ask. Especially since he had sharp swords pointed at his back.
“You… have been planning to propose to me, yes?”
“I guess we’re just letting all the secrets out today,” Rachet said with a sigh. “I wanted to do something really impressive for you.”
“Of course. I am the great Don Karnage. I deserve a proposal for the ages,” the answered. They were looking deeply into each other’s eyes, holding hands.
Baloo cleared his throat. “Well, Rebecca has said her point, Karnage has said HER point, and clearly they’re going to have to agree to disagree. So, if you’ll just let us go on our way…” Baloo had to stop talking, as the pirates responded by inching their blades closer to him.
“Wait, hold on, hold on, one moment,” Karnage said, holding up a hand with one finger raised. “I have had yet another of my brilliant ideas from my brain. A party for my beautiful babies would be most appreciated. Baloo boss, since you have so many ideas about pregnancy to share with me, you will stay here with me and help me plan my party. Baloo, you will arrange the venue and the food. I am thinking… Louie’s place, with his wonderful food and drinks, in the afternoon exactly one week from today.
“Wait, you can’t…”
“IF I am not happy with the party…” they raised their own weapon dangerously close to Rebecca’s face. “I will take my anger our on her. Capiche, understand, okey-dokey?”
-
Baloo staggered into Louie’s place, looking for all the world like he had seen a ghost. His steps were wobbly from his legs shaking as he staggered to the bar.
“You don’t look so great,” Louie noted.
“I don’t normally drink in the middle of the day, but give me a shot of something hard,” he said, jittering his way onto a bar stool. “Louie, you have to help me!”
“What trouble did you get yourself in now?”
“Thanks to Becky’s big mouth, I have to arrange a pirate baby shower with one week’s notice, or they won’t let her go!”
It was a good thing none of the monkey bartenders were drinking while listening, as they all would have spit out their drinks. “WHAT?” they gasped in shocked unison.
Baloo had finished slamming back his drink and started his story. “Boys, you are not going to believe me when I tell you.”
-
That finished Baloo’s story.
“So, if I’m getting this straight, and I’m not sure I am, you have one week to plan a BABY SHOWER for the pirate queen and her baby daddy with Rebecca’s life on the line?” Louie asked.
“Yes, you HAVE to help me!”
“As much as I like you and Rebecca, I also like my place intact, and hosting a pirate party sounds like a recipe to having this place end up looking like a hurricane went through.”
“Hey, boss, it sounds like he’s really in trouble,” one of the bartending monkeys bravely spoke up. “We can’t really just leave his boss out to dry. What if we put up tents on the beach and kept everything away from the actual building…”?
“Whoooooooo,” Louie sighed. “I have a feeling I am going to be talked into this, and I am going to end up regretting it.”
“As they were letting me go, what’s-his-face who managed to knock up a pirate queen slipped this to me, so at least he seems to have felt bad enough about it to help pay,” Baloo said, placing a small stack of cash on the counter.
Louie flipped through it. “This is enough to pay for a decent party, but if the pirates trash my place, I’m holding you on the hook for the cost.”
“Hold my boss on the hook, it’s her mouth that got us into this,” Baloo sighed. “I don’t even know anything about how to have a baby shower!”
“Lots of pink and blue!” one of the monkeys suggested.
“Diapers,” another said wisely. You could tell which one of them had children.
“I’m not sure how pink and blue is going to impress a pirate queen…”
“What if we made little cakes with chocolate coins on them?” another suggested, eyes bright. “This could be kind of fun! We’ve never done a baby shower before!”
“Because we’re a BAR,” Louie pointed out. “Baloo, I know we’ve been friends for a very long time, but… how do you keep getting yourself into these situations?”
“I wish I knew, Louie. I wish I knew.”
“Maybe I should invite my aunt. If I remember right, she thought the pirate queen was so cute with her little accent that she could just pinch her cheeks. I’m sure Karnage would LOVE seeing her again.”
-
Rebecca was expecting to be taken to one of the prison cells when they got back to Pirate Island. Instead, she was taken to a small room on one of the upper levels of the volcano. There was a single-style bed with extremely dusty sheets, and a window that was too narrow to escape from. A half-broken bookshelf had some comics on it.
“This was Cloudkicker’s room before he decided to follow you fools instead of my glorious self,” Karnage explained.
“You’re… not putting me in a prison cell?”
Karnage raised a thick black eyebrow. “Would you prefer the prison cell?”
“No, but I’m surprised by your kindness.”
“Baloo boss, Baloo boss, you are here as my party insurance, not my prisoner! Of course, if you try to run away, I might change my mind… “
“My name is Miz Cunnigham, not Baloo boss.”
“So formal we are.”
“You always go by your last name and title.”
“Fair. Now! Rachet, leave us! I must interrogate Miz Cunningham!”
Rebecca was slightly nervous when the door swung shut, leaving her alone in the room with a very cranky pirate queen. Karnage took a step towards her. She took a step back, which caused her to trip on the bed and fall onto it. The pirate queen leaned over her. “Now, Miz Cunningham… you will tell me everything!”
Rebecca waited for Karnage to demand the secrets of the cliff canons, or a schedule for the changing of the guards. Instead, she took a position on the other side of the bed and folded her hands over her belly. “Does… does it really hurt?” they asked in a worried tone.
“What?”
“Does it hurt? Having the baby?” the pirate queen asked again.
“Oh.” Rebecca felt slightly awkward. She’d never really had this conversation with anyone. She’d never tried to think too much about it. “To be honest… my husband and my family talked me into trying a new technique the doctors called twilight sleep. I fell asleep… and I don’t remember having Molly. I was there, and then, I wasn’t. Then I woke up with a daughter and stitches.” She saw Karnage flinch, ears back. “My husband wasn’t even there, but his mother was. Not to help, mind you, but to criticize.”
“I have never had the pleasure of meeting your husband,” Don Karnage noted.
“He’s in his grave.” She could tell from Karnage’s expression that the pirate queen felt awkward about the conversation. They shifted in place. Then again, maybe they were just having a combination of pregnancy gas and babies kicking their ribs again. The doctor had warned them it was more common for wolves to have twins than singlets, and it certainly felt like two curious pairs of legs pushing against their inside.
Rebecca continued. “We were divorced before he died, so I had a hard time deciding how to feel about it. I moved all the way out here with Molly so I wouldn’t have to deal with his parents wanting to spend time with my daughter. I only married him because I was pregnant with Molly. That’s why, earlier…” She really had never let these words out before, because they weren’t things she wanted any of her friends to know about her. But… Don Karnage was not a friend. She wasn’t someone Rebecca had to look at every day or maintain a cordial relationship with.
Rebecca shook her head. “It was a mistake. We didn’t even last a year after Molly was born. I wouldn’t trade Molly for the world, but…” the conversation was getting too heavy for her. “How about you? How do you feel about your… mate?”
“Mate is the traditional term in wolf culture,” Karnage explained. “Rachet is the smartest person I have ever met, next to myself, of course! Our children will be wonderfully brilliant. It will be difficult to surpass my genius mind, but our children might.” They were beaming with pride as they talked. “Of course, we are hoping they will get my devastatingly beautiful looks as well.” Modesty and humility were two words that were clearly not in Karnage’s vocabulary.
“Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”
“A dashing pirate prince or a femme fatale pirate princess? Either would be fine. The crew thinks I do not know, they have the betting pool for the sex and date.” Karnage stretched. “Speaking of pool, I need the bath. For now, you desire a bath? Yes? No?”
Rebecca decided she should take the opportunity while it was being offered, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about the fact that Don Karnage’s mate would be joining them. She was not used to mixed-sex bathing, but it didn’t seem to bother either of them. She wondered if that was another wolf culture thing. Now that she could see Karnage undressed, she could see how big her belly had really gotten. Based on Rebecca’s own experiences she wasn’t anywhere near full term, but she seemed farther along than Rebecca would have expected. There was even a pause where Rebecca was asked if she wanted to feel the pups kicking.
The two wolves splashed each other playful, he licked her neck, and they settled together to cuddle in the hot water. They were obviously very much in love. Rebecca was surprised to see Karnage expressing such deep love. She wouldn’t have thought Karnage was capable of it. Everyone has a hidden side after all, she thought.
-
One week later, Baloo was running back and forth, anxiously waiting for the pirates to arrive and return his boss. To avoid damage to Louie’s main building, everything was set up in tents on the beach. When he finally saw the Iron Vulture emerge out of the clouds, he wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or terrified. It would depend on how much Karnage liked his work.
To his great relief, Rebecca emerged completely unharmed walking and talking next to the pirate queen. Baloo felt shock overcome his face. They seemed to be having a friendly conversation. “Baloo!” Rebecca called, waving.
“Becky! You’re safe!”
“For now,” Karnage cautioned. “It looks preemptively fine, but we will see what the guests think.”
“Ah, right, you kept updating the number of guests all week. Who, exactly, does a pirate invite to a baby shower?” Baloo asked.
“They should be here… ah, there! I can hear the engines!”
“The engines?”
From around the corner appeared what looked at first glance to be a pirate ship a few centuries out of date. It wasn’t until you looked closely that you saw the massive motors attached to the back. The massive sails were just for show.
A tall, elegant female swan emerged first down the boarding plank. “Elizabeth, it is so good to see you well,” Karnage said, giving the swan a slight head bow since her expanding middle prevented a full bow.
“You too, Donna,” Elizabeth said in a smooth British accent.
“Don, please, but I am being so rude. Elizabeth Turkey-Swan, queen of the sea pirates, this is my mate Rachet. You can ignore the bears; they are just the hired help. Did you bring…” Karnage started waving back and forth like drunk while making weird hand gestures.
A moment later, a Sparrow in a headband staggered off the boat. “It wouldn’t be a party without Captain Jack Sparrow,” Elizabeth said with a smirk.
“Hide the rum,” Karnage whispered to Dumptruck and Mad Dog.
“Captain, there’s another boat approaching,” Dumptruck pointed out.
“What? I didn’t invite any…” Karnage and Elizabeth both made weird faces and crossed their arms.
“That party crasher,” Karnage finally said in annoyance.
Like Elizabeth’s boat, it was a ship that looked a few centuries out of date but had clearly been updated with modern technology. “Who is that?” Baloo asked, feeling the tension in the air.
“Hook,” Elizabeth and Karnage said in unison, their voices dripping scorn.
A codfish with a hook hand and a hat with a giant feather in it emerged from the ship, followed by a very harried looking smelt in a red and white stripped shirt. “Hook, what are you doing here?”
“I heard there was a pirate party being thrown, and I can’t imagine that you would intentionally forget to invite me, the greatest pirate of name to ever exist.”
“Really, you were not invited,” Karnage said, muzzle wrinkled in disgust.
“Ah, how embarrassing! To show up uninvited! Good thing pirates go where they want without regard to invitations, isn’t it?” he asked.
“I hope no one else shows up uninvited, I do not want to see what pirates do when you run out of food,” Baloo whispered to Rebecca.
As they were eating and generally making a mess, Baloo noticed Rebecca leaning over and whispering something to Rachet. He found out what a moment later when Rachet stood up and cleared his throat.
“E-everyone! I would like to have your attention up front!” he announced. He was so nervous he was shaking. “I- I am glad you all decided to attend our baby shower, but I am also hoping my beloved will allow me to make this a double feature celebration. That is, with all our pirate foes gathered here to witness… will you… will you marry me?” he asked. “Right here, right now. We have at least three captains who can perform the ceremony. Is-isn’t this the proper way for a pirate to propose?”
-
“I now pronounce you bonded alphas. You may kiss the bride,” Elizabeth announced. Jack Sparrow had technically been invited to help with the ceremony, but he seemed to have no idea what was going on and was wandering in circles. Hook had been extremely not invited.
“Are they going to come up for air anytime soon?” Baloo whispered to Rebecca.
“Sssssh!” she whispered back.
When the kiss was finally over, Elizabeth held up her feathered hands. “And now, it’s time for the best part of a pirate wedding- the brawl!”
“Wait, what?” Baloo asked.
“Remember, everyone, this is a friendly brawl. Fists, kicking, and biting are okay. No swords or guns. We’re trying to rough each other up, not kill each other! Beating on someone once they’re down for the count is bad sport. Don’t mess up the presents or the food table because we want to keep partying once the fight is over. Last crew with members standing wins!”
“Louie is going to kill me,” Baloo whimpered.
“If they don’t do it first,” Rebecca said nervously, noticing the murderous glint in the pirate’s eyes.
“Also, obvious rule addendum, but no hitting the pregger lady.”
“But I can hit them, yes-no?” Karnage asked.
“Go wild,” Elizabeth shrugged. “On your marks, get set… FIGHT!”
No one really knew how it happened, but Jack Sparrow ended up winning the fight. Oh wait, they knew exactly how it happened. Sparrow simply dodged everyone until he got to the bar at the back and hid out with the rum until everyone else had gone down fighting. Baloo and Rebecca hid with him, but they didn’t exactly count towards the last crew standing rule. Karnage had ended up giving up after the exhaustion of trying to fight while pregnant and the angry kicking of the babies got to them.
Baloo noticed that it seemed like every pirate present had taken their chance to try to feel the babies kick, so he approached with one hand extended cautiously. Karnage shot him a look that made him retreat, then sighed and said “Fine, just once.”
As night descended, piles of driftwood were stacked and ignited with flammable discarded wrapping paper. The whooping, howling, and drunken sea shanties continued long into the night, until the flames of the bonfires lit up the blackened sky.
“I will give them one thing,” Baloo said slowly, sitting with Rebecca. “Pirates sure know how to throw a party.” They could hear the clapping and see spinning figures dancing even from their distant vantage point. Karnage was still dancing as much as her awkward gait allowed.
“I guess you did a good job planning it.”
“I’m just glad Rachet seems to have some kind of a conscience because he gave me enough to pay off Louie for replacing all those folding chairs and the booze.”
“At some point I stopped putting any actual alcohol in the drinks because they’re all too hosed to notice,” Louie added, joining to watch the party with Baloo and Rebecca.
“I think us and Karnage are the only ones who AREN’T going to be hung over tomorrow,” Baloo replied. “I hope staying with the pirates for a week wasn’t too much torture.”
“It… I got a chance to say a lot of things I’d never let off my chest before,” Rebecca said with a slight sigh. “It felt kind of good. Karnage is… surprising, when she lets her guard down. I certainly hope you took good care of Molly while I was gone.”
“Wild Cat and Kit are on the job!”
“I wish I felt slightly more reassured by that.”
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Foiled! Curses again?