Adult-FanFiction.org : Cartoons

My Big Fat Gargoyle Wedding	By : MelissaMaxwell Category: +G through L > Gargoyles Views: 7467 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gargoyles. Gargoyles belongs to Greg Weisman and Disney. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
"Never seen anything like this before!" Uriel said as he glided over the city. "Look at all those buildings! They're even bigger than the castle back home! Don't people get tired climbing up all those stairs, though?"
"They use lifts" said Castor.
"Lifts?" Uriel had never heard the word used as a noun before.
"Yanks call 'em elevators." said Pollux. "Big boxes with a sort of cable pulley."
"Look at all the lights!" gasped Uriel. "And what are those big metal things moving around?"
"They're called cars." said Castor. "And they're drivin' on the wrong bleedin' side!"
"The big ones are called lorries." Pollux supplied. "Think Yanks call 'em trucks."
"Is London anything like this?" asked Uriel.
The Twins had a chuckle. "London's even better!" said Castor. "We got London Bridge which is twice as big as the Brooklyn Bridge." He was lying, of course. "And we got the Parliament Buildings, Buckingham Palace and Big Ben."
"Who's that?" asked Uriel.
"Big Ben's a what, not a who." said Pollux. "It's this great big clock tower. Me and Castor like to mess with the hands to make it look a few hours off."
"What's a clock tower?" asked Uriel.
"Crikey!" said Castor. "Don't they have anything on Avalon?"
"A clock tower is like that thing over there." Pollux pointed at the clock tower just above the police station that had recently been renovated. "Course, Big Ben is much bigger."
"Oi!" Castor chuckled. "Did ya hear the one about how Big Ben asked the Tower of Pisa out on a date? The Tower of Pisa said 'I've got the inclination if you've got the time!'" They both laughed. Uriel was just confused.
"I don't get it." he said.
"Well, ya see," said Pollux. "The Tower of Pisa is a tower in Italy what's leaned over and...." Castor was laughing. "It weren't that funny, you silly sod!"
"I just remembered that joke Columban told us about the Siamese twins on holiday in America!" laughed Castor. "The other one wanted to drive! I just got it!"
"That was yoinks ago, mate." Pollux said, shaking his head. "Any road, keep yer eyes skinned for West Park Avenue."
"Gonna havta dip in lower to see the street signs." said Castor, swooping down a bit lower. The others followed suit.
Uriel saw some teenaged humans in an alley spraying something on a wall. "What are they doing?" asked Uriel.
"Oh, that's the spray paint we told you about." said Pollux.
"Well, let's see if they'll lend us some." Uriel swooped down before the Twins could advise him against it.
The boys were laughing. "Oh, man, that looks just like Principal Smelding!" one said over the ugly face his friend painted on the wall.
"I'm gonna make him say 'I smell dong'!" laughed the boy with the spray paint.
"Nah." said the third. "Let's make him say 'I got a small dong'!"
"Pardon me," said Uriel, landing not far from them. "But my friends and I want to know if we can borrow your...." The boy holding the spray can dropped it in shock and ran away screaming. "Thanks!" Uriel called after him, picking up the can.
"It...it...it can talk!" gasped one of the boys.
"Yup! I talk!" said Uriel. "And I tell Knock-Knock jokes! Knock Knock!" The boys stared at Uriel, pale and trembling. "Oh, come on! Knock Knock!"
"Uh...wh-who's there?" the other boy stammered.
"Arthur." said Uriel.
"Um...Ar-Arthur who?"
"Arthur any cookies left?" Uriel spread his arms and struck a pose. He was disappointed to find the boys weren't laughing.
"Well, I thought it was rather funny." said Castor, coming in for a landing just behind Uriel. The boys screamed, turned and ran right into Pollux.
"Aw shit! They can teleport!" screamed one of the boys.
"Oh no, you're quite mistaken." said Pollux. The two boys clung to each other and trembled, knowing they were surrounded.
"Oi, what are you blokes tryin' to say?" Castor asked in an offended tone. "Do all gargoyles look the same to you?"
"Well, they can be forgiven in this case." Uriel pointed out.
"What do you want from us?" the other boy cried out in desperation.
"Well, can you direct us to West Park Avenue?" asked Pollux.
The two boys looked at each other in shock. All they wanted was directions? One of them pointed down the street. "Two blocks, turn left, it's the next street over."
"Cheers, mate!" said Pollux as he started climbing the wall of the nearest building.
"And here I thought New Yorkers were rude." said Pollux. "Thanks for the directions. Wait up, bro!" Pollux climbed after the wall.
"You sure it's OK if I borrow this?" Uriel asked, holding up the spray can.
"Keep it!" the two boys chorused.
"Jynx!" said Pollux from his position on the wall. "Neither of you can talk until someone says your names!"
"What are your names anyway?" asked Uriel. The boys ran away screaming. "Aaaargh is a very odd name, isn't it?"
"C'mon." said Pollux. "We're burnin' moonlight."
The brownstone was relatively easy to find. "Right," Castor said to Uriel. "Let me show you how to toss a bog roll. First, make sure the paper's nice and loose. Then, you stand facing your target." He faced the awning just over the door. "Bog roll in hand, make sure the open end is facing you and give it a good underhand lob with some spin and follow through, rather like this." Castor motioned how to throw with the roll clenched in hand. "When you get to the ten o'clock position, let 'er rip and flick your wrist to get some spin. Like this." Castor lobbed a roll over the awning, the paper unfurling and streaming in the air. Pollux picked the roll up and started winding it around the post so it looked like a barber pole. "Now you try!" Uriel did the throw as demonstrated. "I say, that's bloody good for a first try! You're a natural, you are!"
"That was fun!" said Uriel.
"Let me show you how to throw an egg!" said Pollux. "Gettin' pavement's easy. Ya just let Lady Gravity do her thing." He tossed an egg against the steps to demonstrate. "But let's say you wanna get the door. It's just like bowling a cricket ball. You right handed, Uriel?"
"Yeah." he said, taking an egg in his right hand.
"Then you take a stance like this, right foot behind you." Pollux demonstrated. Keep your head straight. Hold the egg in your right hand near your knee. And just up and over with some follow through like this." Pollux hurled the egg at the door where it splattered against the Quarryman logo. "Now, you try!" Uriel hurled an egg at the door. "Dead center!" Pollux said approvingly.
Castor used the spray paint to write "GARGOYLS RULE!" on the side of the building. (Spelling was never his strong suit.) "Oh, let me try that!" said Uriel. "It looks like fun! I bet I can draw a picture of that Castaway person's ugly face!"
Castor gave him the can. "Just press down on the button. Try not to linger too long on one place or it'll run."
"Gotta think of a good insult to write on his portrait." said Pollux. "How about 'I got shit on my face!'? Cuz he has such an ugly 'stash."
"No, that only works with dark hair." said Castor. "Let's make fun of his name. Steada Castaway he can be 'Pissed away'. or 'Ass a day'."
"Or 'Kissed a gay'!" said Pollux.
"No need to be homophobic now!" said Castor."Let's have him say something simple like 'I am a wanker' or 'I am a dickless arsehole!'"
"I like that one!" Pollux laughed. "Uriel, hand me the paint can! I say, that's a good likeness of him! Here, throw some eggs at the door."
Officers Morgan and Travanti had been on patrol when they saw a group of three making mischief. "These things always seem to happen in summer." sighed Morgan.
"Yeah." said Travanti. "These kids need a lesson."
"I'll handle it." Morgan got out of the car and approached. "Say, buddy!" he called out to Pollux. "What's that in your hand?"
"Um...uh...deodorant!" Pollux pretended to spray his underarms.
"That's not deodorant, young man." Morgan said sternly. "And take off that mask when you talk to me!"
"Oh, I know what you are!" Uriel said gleefully. "You're one of those please men Tom told me about!"
"I smell bacon, I smell grease!" sang Castor and Pollux. "Oh my God, it's the street police!"
"Very funny, boys." said Morgan. "Now, take off the masks, tell me your names and maybe I'll just call your parents instead of running you in."
"Run this in, ya daft septic!" Castor turned around and mooned Morgan, exposing his furred buttocks and teasingly waving tail.
"Phil! They're gargoyles!" Morgan shouted, drawing a tazer. Castor screamed as a current struck his bared buttock and left him flat on the ground.
"Don't taze my bro!" yelled Pollux, right crossing Morgan. He was prepared to dodge the returning blow, but he was not prepared for the pinch of a needle biting into his wing. And then, it was like the greatest high he ever had. It was like everything, including himself, was made out of fluffy pink clouds. The one under him looked so soft. Be nice to just fall on it....
"Damn, Phil," said Morgan. "What'd you put in that tranq gun?"
"Enough to make a small horse go sleepy-by." said Travanti. He turned the gun on Uriel. "Or a very naughty gargoyle."
Uriel raised his hands and chuckled nervously. "Alright, I know when I'm licked!" he said. "I-I'll come along quietly."
Morgan motioned for Travanti to put away the tranq gun and approached Uriel. He grabbed Uriel's shoulder and made him turn to the wall and put his hands against it. "Spread your legs." he said.
"But we barely know each other!" Uriel protested.
"Don't make me get ugly." said Morgan.
"Too late!" snickered Uriel. Morgan tapped Uriel's legs with his nightstick, forcing him to assume the position. He began to pat Uriel down, causing him to giggle. "Careful! I'm ticklish!"
"Not a costume." Morgan noted. "You are 100 percent gargoyle, aren't you? Well, I'm gonna guess you ain't hiding anything in that loincloth." He took out the handcuffs and bound Uriel's wrists behind his back. "You have the right to remain silent...."
"I choose to wave that right!" said Uriel, just before giving a loud, wordless scream of protest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At her parents' house, Elisa was hearing what Diane had listened to on the radio that day. "You know that program I listen to every Sunday after church." Diane was saying. "The one where they get four clergymen of different faiths to discuss issues. Well, today the topic was gargoyles. There was a Reverend Nathaniel Walters of Holy Savior Episcopalian, that televangelist Reverend William Stryker, and a Rabbi Maximilian Loew from Prague."
"Max? Max Loew?" said Elisa. "I know him! We met on that little world tour I went on with Goliath and Angela."
"Oh, well, maybe he'll be looking you up later this week." said Diane. "They were going to get a priest from the diocese of St. Patrick, but he backed out at the last minute. The fourth was a man called Doctor James Van Zeveren of Grace United Methodist in Topeka, Kansas. Well, each one had to say something about gargoyles. Rabbi Loew was the only one who had something good to say. He said that they should be treated as brothers and sisters to humanity, which just put the other three in such an uproar that he had to leave. He sounded disgusted by the rest and he seemed like he needed to walk out before things got violent."
"Think I've seen Reverend Stryker on TV a few times." said Elisa. "Not a big fan of mutants. Guessing he's not crazy about gargoyles either."
"He said they were demonic scourges that needed to be destroyed." sighed Diane. "Reverend Walters agreed with him wholeheartedly. They did disagree on mutants. Stryker, as you know, wants them wiped out. Walters said they were just humans with special gifts and that they'd be welcome to join the Quarrymen if they wish. And then, there was Dr. Van Zeveren." Diane shook her head. "He said that...that gargoyles are a gift from God."
"Well, that sounds nice." said Elisa.
"It wasn't nice." said Diane. "What he meant by 'gift' was that gargoyles were created by God to be used by mankind as they saw fit. He quoted Genesis 1:26. 'And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.'"
"Fish, fowl, cattle...." Elisa mused. "Mother, he's talking slavery!"
"That's what Rabbi Loew told him." sighed Diane. "Then Dr. Van Zeveren reminded him that slavery was sanctioned by the Bible and Rabbi Loew reminded him of Moses delivering the Hebrews from Egypt and...they just both started yelling at each other at once so I couldn't understand them. It was about that time that Rabbi Loew walked out."
"Well," said Elisa. "I'd like to see someone just try and enslave Goliath. They'll be picking their pancreas of the floor. And somehow, I just don't see Angela responding very well to being called 'Mammy'." They both laughed. Elisa's pager went off. She looked at the message. CALL HQ GT BIZ "It's Gargoyles Taskforce business." said Elisa. "Mom, can I use the phone?"
"Of course, dear."
Elisa called her work number. "Morgan?" she said, recognizing the voice. "Maza. Got your page." Elisa's eyes went wide as Morgan told her what he and Travanti had just done. "Three of them? Um...I'll be right there. Say, what do they look like?" She nervously tugged on the cord as Morgan described them. "Huh. OK. Sit tight, I'll be there." She hung up.
"Elisa," Diane stood up. "Did, did they catch any of your friends?"
"Two of them," said Elisa. "Morgan said looked like a cross between a punk rocker and a flying monkey from /The Wizard of Oz/. Both looked just like each other down to the dark purple hair. Doesn't sound like anyone I know. The other one was described as being gray with a beak and white hair. Probably one of Angela's brothers. I'd better go, Mom. They're in lock up." She sighed heavily. "For vandalizing the Quarryman brownstone!"
- 7
- 8
- 9
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

My Big Fat Gargoyle Wedding