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Snuff Out a Thousand Suns	By : Evermist Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2893 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I don't make money from this. My in-chapter disclaimer is much better than this one. Read that instead.

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Nearly a month had passed since the destruction of Earth, and Zim found himself finally settling into the routine on the Massive. This followed the Irken clock, of course; the familiarity of which put Zim far more at ease than he’d been in all his time on Earth.

The Irken time system was far superior to the pork-smellies’, with each day divided neatly into ten even units. The Earthlings had been so confusing; dividing their hours and months the way they did. It was much easier to go by tens. The Irken calender followed this rule as well as their clock; with ten days in what the humans had called their week, ten weeks in their ‘month’, and twenty ‘months’ in one ‘year’. Oddly, the inferior planet had used the same words for their days and weeks, but used the other terms in place of tenhaf and round, and the closest equivalent to a hafround was one of the now-extinct planet’s ‘seasons’, although Irk only had two, as opposed to the humans’ four.

The medical drones would wake Zim at the first unit of the day, usually with requests for him to do something with GIR. He’d have some kind of bland, snack-less breakfast served to him, and GIR would go out to sneak something actually tasty for his master. Then the drones would put him through a few units of his ‘physical therapy’ before stopping for lunch. Tallest Flurn had taken to eating lunch with the smaller Irken, and while Zim was understandably wary about letting his leader grow close to him again, he couldn’t exactly tell him to go away, so the Invader had decided to let it go and just enjoy the company. After lunch, Flurn would go back to his duties, and Zim could usually talk one of the female drones into taking him down to visit Dib.

The human was being held in the smallest quarters on board the ship. The Massive wasn’t a prison ship by any stretch of the imagination, so while Dib was in much better conditions than Zim would like, it was the best they’d been able to do at such short notice. Dib was held in his room by an exploding collar, and a chain Flurn had one of the drones install through the palm of the boy’s left hand, the other end of which was attached to the heavy, round bed in the middle of the room.

When Zim would visit, he would taunt the human however he could. The destruction of the Earth, the fact that he could move freely while the boy was stuck in place, the knowledge that Gaz had betrayed him, and jabs at the size of Dib’s head(although those were growing a bit old by this point); they were all things Zim would go on about for as long as the drone would let him. Mostly Dib would just glare, one-eyed and furious, and refuse to do anything more to acknowledge the Irken, but Zim would occasionally find a spot that could get a reaction out of the human. It was quite funny on the Irken’s first visit to point out Dib’s failure after six Earth years of fighting, and that even after he seemed to have won, his victory had been torn out from under his feet before he could even do anything to really celebrate it. Dib had almost torn the chain out of his hand in a single lunge towards the door, and then dropped to the floor, howling in pain. The Irken hadn’t gotten that good of a reaction since, but he was determined to find something that would.

After Zim finished with the Dib each day, or if he couldn’t talk a drone into taking him in the first place, he’d have several units of free time before dinner. Most of this time was spent in the company of GIR or Gaz, tormenting the medical drones and playing video games. Zim liked to think he was getting rather good at slaying these Vampire Piggies, and GIR had nicked the human girl’s other games when she wasn’t looking, along with her extra Game Slave, and given them to Zim. He’d been planning to give them back after a while, but had abandoned that idea when she described just what she was going to do to whoever had taken them. It would be best for his health to just keep her from ever knowing he’d had anything to do with it.

Dinner was always the same indistinguishable matter as breakfast and lunch, followed by a short session of therapy, and then Zim would be forced down for the final three units of the day, drugged more often than not. Irkens didn’t sleep often, and it was driving Zim insane to be made to do so for such long periods, and every night. If he laid down willingly, the drones wouldn’t give him drugs, but he usually put up such a fuss they nearly had to strap him to the bed.

This particular day, the drones hadn’t been willing to take Zim to Dib’s room, and they’d distracted GIR by telling him there was a pig loose on the other side of the ship, and that he could keep it if he could catch it. Gaz had been being kept particularly busy by Tallest Shtirk, as well, so Zim found himself completely and absolutely bored. He’d run through the Solitaire program he’d installed in his Pak while on Earth nearly one hundred times since lunch, and that had been a mere one and a half units ago. There was no telescreen in the medical quarters’ sleeping room, and Zim still couldn’t hold his balance quite enough to risk going to the small entertainment room. He was just so bored being cooped up here. As horrible as Earth had been, Zim had at least been able to move freely in the outdoors. Irken minds weren’t made to last in captivity. The Invader sighed, closing his eyes to bring the Solitaire game up onto his eyelids again.

A tap on the headboard of Zim’s bed caught the Irken’s attention, and he opened his eyes, glancing up. Red eyes were staring down at him from a very tall Irken, and Zim quickly pushed himself into a sitting position. “Ah, My Tallest! What brings you to Zim’s quarters?”

Shtirk smirked briefly. “Just wanted to ask about what all you did on your...mission. You didn’t report in to us for nearly a hafyear. In fact, I’d guess the last time you did call us was a little before you molted.” He cocked an eye ridge, frowning slightly at the smaller Irken.

Zim tensed a bit. “Oh. No, My Tallest; I didn’t molt until one or two Earth months before the Dib made me his prisoner. I was just very busy with my plans for destroying their world, and must have...lost track of time.”

“Right. What was this plan that kept you from realizing a hafyear had gone by without you contacting us?”

“..My plan?”

“Yes, Zim. What was it?”

“What was...Zim’s plan?”

Shtirk fought the urge to slam his head into the wall. “Yes, Zim. What was your plan? Quit stalling and tell me, or your SIR is going out the airlock.”

“Ah. Yes. Well, you see, Zim was growing a bacteria. To put in the skool’s lunches.” Zim paused for a moment, thinking frantically. “It would have made their eyes grow fur, and then when the entire population was blind, Zim would start a company selling eye-razors, and use my power over their sight to rule them all!”

Shtirk blinked slowly, looking unconvinced. “Uh-huh...”

Zim smiled nervously.

“How’d that go?” the Tallest asked.

“Eh? How’d what go?”

Shtirk growled. “Your plan, Zim. The eye-fur?”

“Oh! Yes! Zim’s plan. Well, it took quite a long time to perfect, and was just so veeery close to being complete when the Dib managed to capture me. In fact, I had been planning to implement it the very next day.”

“Okay then. How’d he catch you, anyway? You may be one of the worst Invaders Irk has ever seen, but he’s still just a hyuman.”

“It was an amazing battle, My Tallest. The Dib likes to think he knows whatever I’m doing, whenever I’m doing it, but he doesn’t. So, he followed me home from skool one day, and tried to shoot my head clean off with some kind of lazer-gun the hyumans had developed. He missed, of course; and Zim attacked back with the guns in my Pak. It was almost a struggle, but eventually I managed to shoot him in the heart, and he exploded. Humans explode when their heart is destroyed.”

Shtirk cocked an eye ridge. “You killed him.”

Zim nodded proudly.

“How did he capture you, then?”

Zim’s antenna drooped nervously. “Eh?”

“If you killed him, how was he able to capture you, torture you, and get us brought down here to save your sorry Pak?”

The Invader blinked a few times. “Oh. Oh, yes! Yes. Exploding does not kill the hyumans; they come back to life shortly afterwards. There was this one boy that Zim once used happy-exploding-goo on, and he came back after about a week. Oh, how Zim loathed that boy...” The Irken trailed off, grumbling under his breath.

“Zim!” Shtirk barked, restraining himself so much from just smacking the Irken upside the head. He didn’t deserve the touch of a Tallest, and Shtirk was not about to give it to him.

“Oh yes! Apologies, My Tallest. You see, Zim forgot that the hyumans come back from exploding, and so was caught off guard when the Dib was up and moving. He managed to stun me, pry off my Pak, and lure me into his home to get it back. Then, while I was reattaching it, he sprayed some horrible acid on Zim’s face, which knocked me out, and when I woke, I was in his laboratory, strapped to a table.”

“....” Shtirk was silent for a moment, before deciding it would be best to get away from Zim’s black hole of stupid while he still could. “Well, I think that’s all I need from you, Zim. I’ll see ya around,” the red-eyed Tallest said, turning away from the smaller Irken’s bed and leaving the medical quarters.

Once out of the sick bay, Shtirk smiled to himself. Now to visit the hyuman, and see if he could find any inconsistencies in Zim’s story.

~*~*~

I don‭’‬t own Invader Zim.‭ ‬This is obvious.‭ ‬If I were Mr.‭ ‬Vasquez,‭ ‬I‭’‬d be too busy vomiting out of every orifice on my body from the sheer thought of Zim having a sexual relationship with any of the other characters to be typing this right now.

Rgh. Short chapter. Again. And nothing in this one was even planned; I don’t quite know what happened. I guess my inner muse realized that not much of my planned chapter would make sense, and gave me this instead. It’s also demanding I rework what I had planned for this chapter before putting it in the next. So be pleased; you get an extra chapter in the story. ^^ Aren’t you all lucky? Now leave a review, okay? See ya next week!

Bishilurfer: New reviewer, awesome. ^^ Glad you're enjoying the Flurn/Zim.
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Snuff Out a Thousand Suns