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The Invader's Cookbook	By : FoxDragonKris Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2788 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
This chapter is going to see the start of an evolving format, ie: I am going to begin time-skipping. The story will not spell out ever single moment of action anymore, there will be jumps, of a few minutes, a few days, later possibly even months or years. Believe me, the storyline this covers is a very long one, trailing all the way (at least right now) to Zim and Dib’s eventual grandchildren. So it would be a bit hard to write out every bit of every day. Time-skips and such will be marked with a line of ~~~**~~~**~~~
S.S. Chapter 7
Previously on The Invader’s Cookbook –
** Nifty Flashback Montage**Nifty Flashback Montage**Nifty Flashback Montage**
Gasping for air he braced his arms on the headboard, hanging his head as he tried to catch his breath. Below him Zim groaned and moaned, shifting slowly as he rode out the aftereffects of his climax. “Gods Dib…”
“I”LL SAVE YOUUUU MASTER!!!” Was the only warning Dib got as GIR blasted through the door, aimed right at his head.
** Nifty Flashback Montage**Nifty Flashback Montage**Nifty Flashback Montage**
Begin Chapter 7
Eyes flying wide in shock Dib started to turn in reaction to the noise but Zim reacted faster, pulling him down and to the side swiftly, out of harms way.
GIR face-planted uselessly into the wall, creating a robot shaped dent above the headboard.
Far enough above the headboard that he clearly would have missed his target of Dib’s head even if Zim had not pulled the human out of the way.
Sitting up quickly, causing Dib’s member to be pulled from him with a small wince, Zim grabbed the robot by the neck. “GIR!!! What are you doing?!”
GIR smiled widely and hugged Zim’s head. “I gunna sit the baby!” then the robot jumped onto the bed and pointed at Dib, who had resorted to a wide eyed, open mouthed stare. “But! Master needs to be RESTFUL! Restful and full of baby making!” GIR’s head popped open and he pulled out a can of Miracle Grow plant food. “Gotta grow babies BIG and STRONG!”
With a bland bored expression Zim grabbed GIR by the head and threw him off the bed. “No GIR! That is plant food, it is NOT good for babies! You are NOT going to ‘sit’ the baby, and Dib is NOT doing anything bad and if you interrupt our…. ‘activities’ again I will permanently DEACTIVATE YOU!”
Dib raised an eyebrow at the hot vehemence in Zim’s voice, impressed by the reaction. Not that he would admit it.
GIR just smiled suddenly and saluted Zim, eyes flashing bright blue. “Yes my Master!” then he back-flipped out of the room.
“…………………….”
The look Zim gave him was a mix of annoyance, acceptance, and recalcitrance.
“…………………. This is gunna be the normal kinda thing around here now huh?” Dib was mildly proud that his voice didn’t crack and he didn’t dissolve into panicked hysterics at the thought of sharing a living space with that… psychotic… robot.
Zim shrugged with a sigh. “GIR isn’t always that bad…. He just… he has his moments.”
Dib gave Zim a bland unimpressed look that caused the irkin to sigh and fall back on the pillows. “Oh come on… you make it seem so horrid. He really can be useful at times, besides, if you can’t handle a simple robot how are you going to fare with a kid Dib?” he raised a brow at the human in challenge.
With a sputter Dib turned and stretched himself out alongside Zim. “Oh that isn’t fair at all! Those are two totally different subjects!”
Zim didn’t look impressed so Dib snuggled the slim body against him. “Believe me Zim, GIR is in his own class of behavior. For one thing toddlers don’t have rocket legs.”
“And if they did they likely wouldn’t drain out the fuel to make more room for tuna…”
“…………. What?” Dib blinked.
Zim sighed and rested his head on Dib’s shoulder. “Oh, never mind, that was ages ago anyways...”
“Ah… ok…” He slipped an arm up around Zim’s shoulders, dropping a light kiss on the top of his head as he tried to ignore the dooming sounds of GIR loose in his apartment.
For a few minutes they remained like that, curled together in the warmth of the bed, then Dib started to shift his way out, earning a curious glance from Zim.
“I still have to go to work today.” He explained, somewhat sheepishly. “And I need to figure out a way to destroy that sample without getting caught”
Zim nodded. “Yes. I was thinking about that earlier, water.”
“Huh?”
A sigh as Zim settled back into the pillows. “Water. Only a small amount should be needed. The tap water in the lab should be impure enough to completely destroy the sample without much evidence.”
Dib stared. “Zim… when you say that, before your ‘regression’ thing, you were a scientist and stuff… you weren’t kidding were you? I mean that… its effective, simple… elegant….”
“No Dib, I was not kidding. Zim was considered quite the revolutionary… Some days I think I was regressed because the tallest felt threatened…” He trailed off a bit then shook his head at the thoughts. “But regardless of the matter, what’s done has been done.”
Dib stared at Zim’s back for a while longer as the irken cuddled himself back into the thick pillows, clearly intent on not leaving the bed any time soon. After a long moment he slid off the bed and walked to the closet to retrieve his clothes for the day and change.
~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~
Walking into the lab that morning felt strange. Knowing that he was here specifically to sabotage his work, his fathers work, and the evidence he had spent his entire youth searching for… it was difficult.
But when he reminded himself why he was doing this… His mate, his child… it wasn’t so hard really.
He ignored the various technicians as he walked to his personal lab, not really wanting to be bothered by anyone.
The sample was, of course, right there in the vacuum chamber when he arrived at his lab, right where he had left it. A few flakes of crumbly dried blue stuff. Dried irken... ok, all he had to do was destroy it. A bit of water to contaminate the sample irreparably.
That wasn’t too hard right?
And then Zim’s identity would be safe for now, and he could focus his energy on finding them a house, something comfortable, out of the way, on land. Private, gated access would be best… lots of land that wasn’t easily access able to trespassers, so their child wouldn’t have to be hidden or disguised all the time.
Slipping off his jacket, he hung it on the back of the chair and retrieved a long thin dropper. He wanted to get this done quickly and hopefully the water would have dried and gone before anyone else came around to poke at his work.
Keeping his hand steady was the most difficult part, it shook and trembled as he tried to center the single droplet of water right over the small pile of flakes, then it was falling and the flakes were hissing softly as they crumbled a bit, darkening as they burned and oh gods it was done.
It was gone, he wouldn’t need to worry about it anymore. He could run all the tests on the remaining material that he wanted but anything incriminating was well and fully gone. Zim was safe, he was safe. Their baby would be safe. With a satisfied sigh he turned his computer on, booting up a few other pieces of machinery in his lab as well. He wanted to at least look like he was trying to get some work done.
Once the computer was online he opened his web browser and entered a search for real estate on the market, turning to place the tube of ruined material in a scanning machine to let that run while he looked after the real important work.
He quickly realized that the most important thing was going to be secrecy, he needed to find an agency that would be willing and able to operate under the utmost discretion. Luckily for him, when one had large amounts of money or fame like he had, such a thing wasn’t nearly so hard as it would have been without.
As focused as he was, the day passed quickly. A few random useless meaningless tests of the ruined sample, several hours of looking at properties and houses and reading agency reviews, a few carefully worded emails to said agencies… lunch came and passed barely noticed and he was startled when a quiet knock at the door derailed his train of thought.
He turned in his chair quickly, hiding the screen behind him out of habit, even though with his position he didn’t need to worry about being caught ‘not working’ since really, who was going to fire him? And besides, the sample was being run through a separation spinner and there was nothing he could really do with it at the moment. He relaxed however, when he saw the face peering around the door.
It was one of his assigned technicians, a mousy young woman, fresh from college and honestly there to research and learn and help save the world, rather that kiss his father’s ass all day. He liked her, maybe one of these days he would try to remember her name.
“Um.. Dr. Membrain? Its thirty minutes past shut down time… Are you working late tonight?” Oh wow, it was that late? Shit, Zim was going to be mad that he had stayed late, he was supposed to be spending more time at home and less at work, not the other way around.
“Oh, uhh.. thirty minutes? Shit yea, I need to get out of here, thanks I… got distracted…” he babbled a bit as he started shutting down the systems in the lab, pulling the sample out of the spinner and dropping it back into the containment rack.
She peered around his shoulder at it curiously. “Oh… is that the sample that everyone has been talking about? It looks all... burned up…”
He flushed a bit, nervously. “Yea it… I dunno, when I came in this morning it was like this, I thought maybe we had exceeded its half-life or something. But I’m still running it through procedures, just to be sure”
She nodded, moving back towards the door, thank god she was leaving, she wasn’t going to push the issue. “Your so dedicated” she smiled ”I can see why your family is so successful in this field. It probably doesn’t leave much time for a social life though.”
Oh god, was she going to try to flirt with him? Or had she been flirting already? … or… was it just an innocent question between colleagues? He didn’t know, he didn’t know what that was or how to react to it.
“Uhhh... no it... doesn’t really. I... should really get going my uh... I should get home…” He really didn’t want rumors to start spreading that he was involved with someone, it would be better not to say anything.
“Your…?” she cocked her head curiously then looked away as he trailed off “I see… well, have a good evening Dr. Membrain.” Her bright smile was clearly faked and she slipped out the door, disappearing down the hall. He stared after her, she had been disappointed, she had been flirting with him… or trying to.
With a sigh he gathered up his things and finished turning off the contents of his lab, he had managed to avoid his father all day, the sample had been tactfully disposed of, he had gotten in contact with some good agencies for real estate, some even seemed like they might be able to meet his need for secrecy. It had been a good day he reminded himself firmly. A good day and now he was going to go home to his mate. His pregnant mate.
Yes, it had been a good day.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Zim’s day had been slightly less… productive. Once the clothing and other new items had been put away there hadn’t been much to do. For a while he had used the Dib’s computer to look at more items that would be needed when they had their new home, but there wasn’t much left that he could buy now, since there was no place to put anything.
Once he was bored with that he had returned with GIR to his base and wandered around aimlessly for a while, he had packed a good portion of his ‘closet’ into boxes so it could be transported to the new home when it was found and ready, but again, there would be no place to store any of the things if he returned the base to its transportable state, so he left the boxes scattered around the room, many sitting open. Many only half full.
After that he still had more than an hour until the Dib was due to be home, so he wandered through the small apartment, idly rubbing at his midsection without realizing it. He wondered what their child would be like, what would it looks like, would it be male or female, short or tall, strong and proud, or not. He wondered if it would ever meet its brother.
He wondered what had happened to that child, stolen so long ago. The memory of that pain had returned with his height, and some day, some day soon he felt, he would have to tell the Dib about it, about the half blood child he had already born, the fruit of a world that had refused to bow to irkin rule. The unwilling, forbidden conception that had cost him his status as an invader.
How he wondered where his firstborn was now.
He realized he was leaning against the cold glass window of the balcony, staring into nothing, slowly stroking his stomach and he shifted, pulling away from the glass, skin chilled where it had been pressed into the cold material.
GIR was sitting on the floor in the room behind him, quiet for once, watching him. “Master is sad?” he sounded mournful at the thought.
Zim gave him a small smile, he didn’t know how long he had been lost in his thoughts but it must have been a good amount of time for GIR to lose interest in whatever he had been playing with and just… watch him like that. “No GIR, not sad just… thinking”
“Thinking sad thoughts?”
“… Kind of but not really… just… quiet thoughts”
“Thinking quiet thoughts bout the big head boy bein late?”
“………………… late?” he looked for the clock and found it, it was late, at least a half hour after Dib was supposed to be home. His eyes narrowed, what was Dib thinking working late like this, if he thought that this was ok, that he could just… behave like Zim’s time didn’t matter… there would be some… discussing of this!
The door to the apartment opened and Zim glared in that direction. How dare that huuuman treat him like that! He stalked angrily toward the door and his mate.

Mucho thanks to all my reviewers as always. Special thanks to Sapphie for poking me in the eye last night with the reminder that I was a ‘Cliff hanging Bitch’ thanks, I finished chapter 7 and am 3 pages into 8 now!
Angle~of~Darkness – No, I don’t think their ever going to officially collect a ‘sample’ I do however think its going to become a running joke. But running jokes are fun, you know?
- 7
- 8
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The Invader's Cookbook