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Animated Joe Schmo	By : Waitohooru Category: +S through Z > South Park > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2639 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoon(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
WARNING! The following story has strong language and adult themes, and due to its content should not be read by anyone. Which means you'll probably read it anyway. In fact, you SHOULD read SOMETHING. Do you really want to end up illiterate? Huh? HUH?!! ...Good. I didn't think so.

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EPISODE 7 RECAP
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WAITOHOORU(VO): Previously, on Animated Joe Schmo...
STAN: We're finally free...
TOOT: No Spanky Ham to push US around anymore!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The four remaining houseguests rejoiced Spanky Ham's eviction...
STAN: I'm glad one of us is going to win, like Spanky ever deserved one hundred thousand? Please... he didn't even deserve ONE dollar after all the bullsh** he put us through!
WAITOHOORU(VO): And they rejoiced even further, because Wooldoor, who was "murdered" by Spanky, came back to life!
STAN[surprised]: Wooldoor...?!
WOOLDOOR: I'm back! Did you miss me?
STAN(CC): When Wooldoor came through the front door, I felt like I was about to crap myself! [laughs]
WAITOHOORU(VO): But the rejoicing came to an abrupt end...
SPANKY: I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
STAN: No! Anything but that! Please!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...as Spanky returned to the game as well!
STAN(CC): So much for a stress-free game... now Spanky's back, thanks to some technicality. Damn, just when you think you've finally gotten away from him once and for all, he always finds some way to catch up to you.
WAITOHOORU(VO): The reward challenge had tasty food disguised as gross, disgusting cuisine...
WAITOHOORU: No, that's the name of the food. Fugu... or Japanese blowfish.
CLARA: Oh my god...!
WAITOHOORU: You're nervous because you think it's going to kill you?
CLARA: No... I'm nervous because it's Japanese!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...but Stan couldn't swallow the plate of "canine feces" placed in front of him!
STAN: What the f*** is THIS sh**?
WAITOHOORU: Well, that's just what it is... sh**.
TOOT: No way! This is bulltoot!
SPANKY: Hey, yesterday, when I told you to eat sh**... I didn't mean it!
WAITOHOORU(VO): So Stan really stuck it to the Animation Alliance... and hard!
STAN: The point is, you have gone too far! The food you gave ME wasn't exactly food! It was crap!
TOM: Little boy... you shouldn't insult the food that our fine chefs worked so hard to prepare!
STAN: No, I'm serious. It really WAS crap... in fact, it was DOG crap.
TOM: Dog crap...?
STAN: That's right. Dog crap. Who does this? Who would feed someone dog crap? Honestly!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan won Round 1 of the battle... but the Animation Alliance fought back...
TOM: Remember, topless or kissing! Or maybe even both. That's a good alternative.
WAITOHOORU: Yyyeah. Well, we'd better be going!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...by forcing Stan to ask the girls to either remove their tops, or kiss each other.
CLARA: Well, I don't want to take off my top! My father wouldn't like that!
TOOT: And I definitely don't want to kiss HER!
WOOLDOOR: Come on, it's just a kiss!
STAN: Yeah, how hard can it be?
WAITOHOORU(VO): Eventually, the girls did kiss...
STAN: Whoa!
SPANKY[singing]: Bow bow chicka chicka bow BOW!
XANDIR: There's something you don't see every day...
WAITOHOORU(VO): And the houseguests got a Nintendo DS after all!
XANDIR: Omigod! I totally got my first star, you guys!
STAN: Whoa, dude! You must be familiar with the game, huh?
XANDIR: Well, I am a video game character, so... you can pretty much put the pieces together.
WAITOHOORU(VO): The final immunity challenge came with a big twist!
WAITOHOORU: There are going to be two robes for this final challenge... because TWO of you are going to win immunity this time.
[The six contestants are really excited.]
STAN: Two immunity robes, huh?
WOOLDOOR: I really want one! Wheeee!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Even more dramatic was the fact that Stan was paired up with Spanky Ham!
STAN(CC): God is obviously laughing at me right now. I get paired up with Spanky... the one housemate I did not want to be paired up with.
WAITOHOORU(VO): And that's not all! The other four contestants threw the challenge to let Stan and Spanky win immunity!
SPANKY: This is the third time I've worn it!
STAN: Dude, this is like... my second. Still, I've worn it more than once, so I'm cool with that.
WAITOHOORU(VO): And while Stan wanted Toot voted out of the Drawn Together house...
STAN(CC): I know who I want to vote off, and I want to vote off Toot tonight. Hopefully that fat bitch will finally get hers.
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...another twist sent two people packing tonight... Xandir and Clara!
WAITOHOORU: You know what... why don't you just take this one with you.
CLARA[excited]: Really?
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, why not.
[Waitohooru gives the cel back to Clara.]
CLARA[excited]: Oh goody!
[Clara, holding the cel in her hand, then jumps into Xandir's arms.]
XANDIR: Whoa, Clara, you seem excited!
CLARA: I just feel like leaving in style! Xandir, if you would carry me?
XANDIR: Why, anything for you, my fair princess! [giggles]
* * *
[Close-up shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan Marsh...
[Close-up shot of Wooldoor Sockbat.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor Sockbat...
[Close-up shot of Toot Braunstein.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Toot Braunstein...
[Close-up shot of Spanky Ham.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And Spanky Ham... one of these four is going to win the game! Is it Stan himself, or is it someone else?
*
*
*
* * *
[Shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): This is Stan Marsh, an 8-year-old boy from the hit television series "South Park".
[Shot of the front of the Drawn Together House. The Drawn Together logo is superimposed over it.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): For the next 8 days, he will, without knowing it, be the star of a reality show that he doesn't know is FAKE!
[Shot of the Drawn Together logo shattering into pieces.]
[Montage of the eight Drawn Together housemates.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): He thinks his housemates are characters from actual cartoon shows of the past and present, but what he doesn't know is that all of them were specifically created for a cartoon series called "Drawn Together", which he doesn't know actually exists. His housemates are...
[Shot of Princess Clara singing her heart out outside the swimming pool.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Princess Clara as "The Virgin"...
[Shot of Wooldoor Sockbat, being hyperactive as usual.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor Sockbat as "The Freak"...
[Shot of Foxxy Love shakin' her booty while listening to the stereo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy Love as "The Sistah"...
[Shot of Toot Braunstein doing her daily routine of cleaning out the fridge.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Toot Braunstein as "The Bitch"...
[Shot of Ling-Ling charging up energy for an upcoming battle.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Ling-Ling as "The Schemer"...
[Shot of Xandir practicing swinging his sword around.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Xandir as "The Gotta-Be-Gay Guy"...
[Shot of Spanky Ham peeing on a couch cushion.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Spanky Ham as "The Asshole"...
[Shot of Captain Hero lifting some weights.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Captain Hero as "The Jock"...
[Shot of Waitohooru, the host, in front of the Drawn Together House.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And me, Waitohooru, as "The Smarmy Host".
[Montage of various scenes from the series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How long will Stan last in the Drawn Together House without discovering the truth?
[Shot of Stan in the Drawn Together House, talking to someone.]
STAN: Dude, this is really f***ed up right here.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Find out, on the Animated Joe Schmo Show!
* * *
WHO'S STILL IN THE HOUSE:
STAN MARSH (A-duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!)
WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
TOOT BRAUNSTEIN
SPANKY HAM
* * *
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EPISODE 8 - THREE OF A KIND
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* * *
*****
DAY 8
*****
************
CAST MEETING
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[It's the last day of production, and it's also time for the final cast meeting. This time, all eight Drawn Together cast members are in the trailer (including the ones who were previously "voted off"), because each of the eight has a major role in the finale.]
DAVE: Now you may be wondering why we called all eight of you here.
TOOT: To give us our paychecks?
MIKE: Well, that... and we have to give you some more advice about the finale. I know that since this is the final episode, you want to reveal the secret as soon as you see him again, but don't do that immediately. Wait until the time is right.
TOM: Yeah, it should only take like... I don't know, about two or three hours after the evicted houseguests re-enter the Drawn Together house.
LING-LING[pissed off]: (Perhaps should wake Stan up right now and get over with!)
XANDIR: He said not yet, Ling-Ling!
LING-LING: (Oh. Ling-Ling only saying.)
FOXXY: Foxxy sho' can't wait to see Stan again! [shakes her body around] He know he want some mo' of THIS!
WOOLDOOR: And I can't wait to see him too! Wheee!
CAPTAIN HERO: Hello, you see him every day?
WOOLDOOR: I know, but I still can't wait to see him again! Wheeeeee!
CLARA: Well, I'm glad that after today, this will finally be over. I'm tired of deceiving people, like the Chinese do every day!
SPANKY: And I can't wait to get back to my normal job... which is taking dumps on other animals while racking up 100,000 hits per day.
XANDIR: My normal job also involves 100,000 hits per day... if by "hits" you mean hitting monsters with a sword. Of course, the correct term is "slicing", but...
ARTIE: Well, maybe when the finale runs as planned, you can all get back to doing those things!
WOOLDOOR: You hear that, everyone? It's going to be so cool, you guys!
FOXXY: I'ma rememba' this day fo' a long time, baby!
CLARA: We ARE going to speak to each other again after this, right?
BARB: You bet! I mean, you trust us! We've got each other's backs!
WOOLDOOR: We do? Then I want mine back... I mean, I want my back... back.
SPANKY: Um, that's just an expression, Wooldoor, like everything else on Animated Joe Schmo!
WOOLDOOR: Oh. Sorry.
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, you know what this means, and I've gotta say it... game on! Of course, I would've said "Flame on" too, but The Human Torch has the rights to it.
SPANKY: Aw, that's a shame... because that phrase would've been perfect for Xandir over here! You know, because he's flaming and all?
XANDIR[offended]: Okay, that's quite enough, you guys!
TOOT: Xandir's right! There's no time to play around! It's time to get serious! Wooldoor... Spanky... come with me!
SPANKY: Coming, mistress!
WOOLDOOR[excited]: Wheeee!
[Toot, Wooldoor and Spanky get out of the trailer to rejoin Stan in the Drawn Together house. Foxxy talks to the others.]
FOXXY: Okay, they gone. Anybody wanna play some Twister?
XANDIR: I'll do it!
MANNY: Me too!
* * *
[Fast-forward to a shot of Spanky, Wooldoor, and Toot in the living room, along with Stan. The four of them are simply talking about their final day in the Drawn Together house.]
STAN(CC): God knows there are obviously better combinations than the one I'm in right now! I am in the finals with the three people I tried to vote off at some point...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Stan trying to vote Wooldoor off in Episode 2.]
STAN: Wooldoor, you are annoying, and you freak me out. Get the hell out of here.
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Stan trying to vote Toot off in Episode 4.]
STAN: Toot, no hard feelings, but you've been a bitch lately. You've turned people against each other, and I simply cannot have that here. See ya.
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Stan trying to vote Spanky off in Episode 5.]
STAN: You don't know how long I've been waiting for this opportunity. Spanky... you have overstayed your welcome, and it's time for you to go.
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Stan trying to vote Toot off in Episode 7.]
STAN: I would have liked it if both Spanky and Toot went tonight, but Toot... you're still one of those people, so out you go.
[End flashback.]
* * *
[Cut back to Stan, along with the other three housemates, in the living room.]
STAN: Dude, can you believe this house had, like, nine people in it?
SPANKY: Yeah, now it's just the four of us!
STAN: You three are the last people I'd ever want to share a house with if I was playing a game like this! [giggles] No, seriously.
STAN(CC): And yet... I am psyched. I made it to the final four. It's pretty rare for a South Park character to make it this far. I mean, I know Butters made the final four in Cartoon Survivor 4, but he didn't win. I think he only got that far because he used his... his "Professor Chaos" identity. Dude, I do not want to pretend to be someone else to make it to the finals, because I'd rather be myself, if you don't mind.
WOOLDOOR: And I still don't believe the winner is going to be one of us! I hope it's me! I hope it's me I hope it's me I hope it's me!
SPANKY[pissed off]: It's not going to be you if you don't knock off that crap, Wooldyke!
WOOLDOOR: Hey, get my name right, Spanky!
TOOT: Well, even if I don't win, I feel I've won SOMETHING, by being the last woman standing!
SPANKY: Hyeah, like there were a lot of women to begin with! And only TWO of them were hot, and they're not here!
[Toot glares daggers at Spanky.]
TOOT: I can be hot! I can, really!
SPANKY: You... hot? Don't make me laugh! Only way YOU could be hot is if you're trapped in a room without air conditioning!
[Toot fumes angrily.]
[At this point, Waitohooru enters the living room.]
WOOLDOOR[to Waitohooru]: What's new, W?
WAITOHOORU: Oh, let me just tell you that of the nine people who were originally picked to be in this house, somehow you four have made it to this point, and you should be commended for that!
TOOT: Thank you!
STAN: Well, thanks, I... I guess.
WAITOHOORU: But this is also the last time that all four of you will be together.
WOOLDOOR: Huh?
WAITOHOORU: Remember, at every eviction ceremony we had, when I kept telling you there were six evictions?
STAN: Yes, I believe you did.
WAITOHOORU: Well, the sixth and final eviction is coming up... one hour from now.
[Stan, and the other three contestants, are shocked.]
WOOLDOOR: WHAT?!
STAN: This early?! Jesus f***king Christ!
WAITOHOORU: That's right. There is going to be an elimination after lunch.
SPANKY: Hey, that's what *I* always do after lunch!
[The others look at Spanky.]
SPANKY: Oh, you mean a contestant getting eliminated?
WAITOHOORU: That's correct. After lunch, we are going to go down to the Room of Doom, and the four of you are going to vote a sixth houseguest out of the Drawn Together house.
STAN: Oh god...
STAN(CC): The sixth and final eviction ceremony is going to happen after lunch, and someone is going to be voted off. God, I hope I'm not the one voted off because I... I don't want to go yet... I... I really don't...
WAITOHOORU: But luckily, that won't happen for a while, so spend some more time with your housemates for a while. Enjoy your stay in the house, because it's about to come to a quick end for one of you. I'll see you later.
[Waitohooru leaves, leaving the four contestants to talk amongst each other.]
STAN: Hoo boy, an eviction this early?
WOOLDOOR: And no immunity challenge? Man, that sucks...
TOOT: Well, I think we've done all of the immunity challenges already.
SPANKY: That's right...
[At this point, Tim Jacobson sticks his head into the living room.]
TIM: Oh, Toot Braunstein, the Animation Alliance needs to borrow you for an interview... is that okay?
TOOT: Why yes it is, Tim. I've got a lot to say in THIS one!
[Toot winks at Tim, who then leads her to the confessional area. Stan is now talking to Spanky and Wooldoor while Toot is being "interviewed".]
SPANKY: Well, the bitch is gone. Let's talk strategy!
WOOLDOOR: Yay! Yay for strategy!
STAN: Well, what is it?
SPANKY: I mean, there are three of us guys, and Toot's the only girl left, so you do the math, Einstein!
STAN: Wait, don't tell me you want to vote Toot off!
SPANKY: I didn't! I'm just sayin'... there are three of us, and one girl!
STAN: Well, I was thinking -
SPANKY[interrupting]: What? You were thinking of voting ME off, the one who got you two this far?
STAN: Well... to be honest, yes.
SPANKY: Stan, you wouldn't have won immunity yesterday if it wasn't for me. And Wooldoor, I taught you how to swim, so really... you two should be THANKING me!
WOOLDOOR: Um, thank you?
STAN: I... I don't know if I should be thanking you... I mean, you did cause a lot of problems in this house! You peed on everything, you peed on me, you replaced Xandir's photos with photos of your ass, and you violated two of the girls...
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, he did.
[Spanky narrows his eyes.]
SPANKY: So... you remember all that, huh?
WOOLDOOR: I remember "All That", too! It's one of my favorite series! My favorite cast members are Kenan, Kel, and Lori Beth!
[Stan and Spanky give Wooldoor a look.]
SPANKY: Shut up, Wooldoor.
[At this point, Jane Black enters the living room.]
WOOLDOOR: Hi, Jane.
JANE: Wooldoor Sockbat, the Animation Alliance needs to borrow you for an interview... is that okay?
WOOLDOOR: Yes, that is okay. Is there candy involved?
JANE: Uh... sure there is!
WOOLDOOR: Yaaay!
[Wooldoor follows Jane to the confessional area, leaving Stan and Spanky to talk to themselves.]
SPANKY: Thank God! Wooldoor was so annoying!
STAN: He wasn't THAT annoying...
SPANKY: Anyway, I know you're not going to vote me off at the next ceremony. I can tell, by the look in your eyes.
STAN: How can you be sure?
SPANKY: Oh, you WANT me in the finals, dude. You hate me, and most people I've seen have kept around people they hate because they think they can beat them, and usually they end up winning. So if you want to win...
STAN: Wait a minute... is this a trick, Spanky?
SPANKY: No, it's not a trick. It's the truth. Unlike you, I was BORN in the golden age of reality TV shows, dude. I've seen shows like these. But a lot of them sucked because I wasn't on them.
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Ooookay...
SPANKY: Think about it, Stan. Think about who got you here. We're like yin and yang, good and evil. I hate to admit it, but I guess those faggy Japanese shows taught me something after all.
STAN: Yeah, I guess they did.
[Tim returns to the living room with Toot.]
SPANKY: Oh, hey, Toot.
STAN: Hey.
TOOT: Did you miss me? Come on, admit it!
TIM: All right, Spanky Ham, the Animation Alliance wants YOU for an interview.
SPANKY[smirking]: I'm there, dude.
[Spanky follows Tim out of the living room and to the confessional area, leaving Stan in a one-on-one conversation with Toot.]
TOOT: Admit it, you know you missed me! Come on!
STAN: Well, I guess I did...
TOOT: So, the two of them talked you into voting me off?
STAN: Truth is, I was really thinking of voting Spanky off, since he's been such a doucheclown!
TOOT: Well, why vote Spanky off? Why aren't you thinking of voting someone else instead... that isn't ME, just to make things clear! And since you can't vote yourself off... the only choice left is...
STAN: Oh, don't say it...
TOOT: That's right. Wooldoor.
STAN: Wooldoor? Toot, he's my buddy!
TOOT: I mean, think about it. The two of you are close... TOO close, in fact! One of you has got to go, and I don't want it to be you, since you're such a handsome hunk of a man, and Wooldoor... well, he's a freak.
STAN: I don't know... I promised him I wouldn't vote him off.
TOOT: But he might win! Do you really WANT him to win instead of you?
STAN: Well, better him than SOME people in this house... no offense, Toot.
TOOT: Well, I don't know what you're planning, but *I* want to win. I mean, a lot of us do, but that's not the point! Anyway, think about what I just said.
STAN[under his breath]: Oh, god dammit...
STAN(CC): Jesus, what should I do? I really want to vote Spanky off, but some of the others want to vote off either Toot or Wooldoor. Of course, the worst case scenario is if they are really conspiring with each other to vote against... ME. God, I don't want THAT to happen! I hope some miracle happens that causes me to end up in the final three after all.
SPANKY(CC): Oh, you'll end up in the final three, Stan. It just won't be the "miracle" you were expecting...
* * *
*
*
*
* * *
[Time for the final eviction ceremony. Slow-motion shot of the four contestants walking down the hall to the basement, and the Room of Doom. The table is also set up, with the cels for each of the four.]
[Eventually, all four contestants have entered the Room of Doom. The four contestants are greeted by Waitohooru, who comes down the stairs and takes his place in front of them. Waitohooru is wearing a Pimped-Out Immunity Robe this time.]
WAITOHOORU: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present, Ebenezer!
SPANKY: No, you're some guy wearing a white robe! And who the f*** is Ebenezer?
WAITOHOORU: Well, you're probably wondering why I'm wearing this Pimped-Out Immunity Robe. Well, since this is the final eviction ceremony, and there are no more immunity challenges left, none of you are immune, and all four of you are vulnerable. Only three of you will survive this final ceremony. However, one of you will be sent back to the drawing board.
[The four contestants are nervous.]
STAN: I knew it... I *knew* this would happen, I just knew it...
WAITOHOORU: You see the table in front of you?
[Waitohooru points to the table with the four cels on it.]
WAITOHOORU: On this table are four animation cels, representing the four of you. As long as you remain in the game, your cel remains in mint condition. However, if you receive the most votes against you, your cel will be thrown into the fireplace and burned, deteriorating its value, and ending your chances of winning the $100,000. In a moment, each of you will go down that hallway, and write on a piece of paper the name of the housemate you want to vote out of this game, then, speak your peace. After you've voted, place the piece of paper in the vase, and then rejoin your other housemates. And since none of you have immunity, all four of you have targets on your backs this time around.
SPANKY: Well, big f***ing duh, buddy! Get on with it!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, get on with it!
TOOT: I came here to vote someone off, and dammit, I'm voting someone off!
STAN: Yeah!
WAITOHOORU: Well, I see we're impatient, aren't we? Okay then, without further ado, let's get on with it, shall we?
* * *
[Spanky walks down the hallway, casting his vote. This time, he writes "HOMESTAR RUNNER" on his piece of paper.]
SPANKY: Just doin' this 'cause Strong Bad told me to. Besides, how can you jerk off if you don't have any arms? I don't get it, dude.
* * *
[Shot of Toot voting. She writes "WEIGHT WATCHERS" on her piece of paper.]
TOOT: I'm just doing this because my gut told me to. Hey, Lex Van Den Berghe isn't the only reality contestant with a gut, okay? Besides, I hate the company's point system.
* * *
[Shot of Stan voting. He writes "TOOT" on his piece of paper. Unlike the other three, his vote's for real.]
STAN: Well, I know either Spanky or Toot is going to be in the final three. But I don't want BOTH of them to get there. I hope one of them goes this time, and I know some people are more likely to vote against you than Spanky... so I'm doing this so I'll have a chance. Nothing personal.
* * *
[Shot of Wooldoor voting. He writes "THE MONKEY IN MY CLOSET" on his piece of paper.]
WOOLDOOR: Get away from me!!!
* * *
*
*
*
[After Wooldoor places his vote in the vase, he rejoins the other housemates.]
WAITOHOORU: I'll go tally the votes.
[Waitohooru walks down the hall and reads the votes in the vase. He then replaces the DT cast members' "votes" with three pieces of paper with a "vote" already written in advance. Stan's vote against Toot, however, remains in the vase. Waitohooru closes the vase, then takes the vase with him and stands in front of the four contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Once the votes are read, the decision is final. Whoever has the most votes against them has to leave the Drawn Together house immediately. I'll read the votes.
[Waitohooru takes a piece of paper out of the vase. It is Stan's vote against Toot.]
WAITOHOORU: First vote... "TOOT".
[Toot is very nervous... or pretending to be, at least.]
[Waitohooru takes a second piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "WOOLDOOR". That's one vote Toot, one vote Wooldoor.
[Now Wooldoor is nervous.]
[Waitohooru takes a third piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "TOOT". That's two votes against Toot, one vote Wooldoor. I'll read the last vote.
[Waitohooru takes the fourth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: The sixth housemate to be evicted from the Drawn Together house is...
[Waitohooru shows everyone the vote, which has "TOOT" drawn on it with a frowning face next to it.]
WAITOHOORU: Toot. That's three votes against you, Toot, so that's enough.
TOOT[disappointed]: Aw, dammit! Dammit dammit dammit!
WAITOHOORU: Toot, please take your animation cell, and address the group.
TOOT: Fine... if THAT'S the way you want it...
[Toot takes the animation cel that has her image on it. She takes her place next to Waitohooru.]
TOOT: Well well well... what am I doing here, and what are YOU three doing over THERE? Let me guess, is it because I am from the early black-and-white cartoons while you three are from those modern-day, color cartoons? Or is it because I am a GIRL, and you three are all GUYS? If the latter is true, then answer me this --- if I am the only girl in this group, then why am I also the only one with balls in that same group?
SPANKY: Oh, so THAT'S what they are! I was right all along!
[Spanky giggles at his joke, while Toot fumes.]
TOOT: Oh, I get it. You three were created in the age of immaturity and stupidity. Well, let me tell YOU something... I was created in the twenties. I have been around a hell of a lot longer than you three have. I've seen a lot of things you haven't seen. I've experienced a lot of things that you haven't. None of you three were even there, so you don't know what I went through in my life.
[Toot shifts her eyes, and forms an evil grin on her face.]
TOOT: But while you know very little about me, *I* know a LOT about YOU! Stan... you have been trying to vote me off for a while... and you finally got your wish. Are you happy now, Stan? Are ya?!
STAN: Well... to be honest... I don't know if I am!
TOOT: And Wooldoor? You're a clown, right?
WOOLDOOR: Well, that's what some people say about me.
TOOT: You know the saddest thing about clowns? They never win.
WOOLDOOR: They don't?!
[Wooldoor cries his eyes out.]
WOOLDOOR: WAAAAAAAAA!!!
TOOT: And finally, Spanky... who thinks he's better than me just because he was created with some modern-day contraption called [makes quotes with her fingers] "Macromedia Flash"... your site is visited by... what? Five thousand... SIX thousand drunken teenage fratboys per day? Boy, I can hardly wait for the day someone finally shuts your site down!
SPANKY: And I can hardly wait to see your sundress walk out the front door!
TOOT[angry]: Why, you...!!!
WOOLDOOR[to Spanky]: Sundresses can walk, Spanky? Gosh, I didn't know they can do that.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Toot, it is time.
[Waitohooru takes the cel from Toot.]
TOOT: Wait...
WAITOHOORU: With three votes against you... Toot, your show has been cancelled.
TOOT: Can't I... keep my cel?
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: No, woman!
[Waitohooru throws Toot's cel in the burning fire in the fireplace. The fire swallows the cel like Toot herself swallows food.]
TOOT: You... you traitor! You said you loved me!
WAITOHOORU: I don't remember saying that!
TOOT: You lied to me! You were using me! I know you really only care about Princess Chlamydia! And we all know that's not her name, but that's what it SHOULD be!
WAITOHOORU[defensive]: Oh, I know you did not just say what I thought you said...
STAN: Whoa, dude!
SPANKY: I guess it must be that time of the month again... but for her, it's like it happens EVERY SINGLE DAY.
WAITOHOORU: In any case, it's time for you to go, Toot.
TOOT: Aw, that's not fair...
[Toot turns back to the group, stares at them with teary, betrayed eyes, and climbs the stairs that lead outside, and out of the game for good. The other three contestants wave goodbye to Toot. Once Toot is out of their sight, Waitohooru addresses the three remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Toot's things are packed and ready to go. In a moment, she will be leaving the Drawn Together house and returning to... can somebody please tell me where these cartoons came from? It's like there are so many of them nowadays, I can't keep track of them all! Anyway, if you will follow me, you can say one last goodbye to her.
[Waitohooru leads the three contestants out of the Room of Doom and into the living room, where Toot is taking her things with her. A limo waits outside to take Toot to a secret hotel where she, Ling-Ling, Captain Hero, Foxxy, Clara and Xandir will be staying at, but Stan yet AGAIN is unaware of that...]
[Toot opens the front door, and goes through it, out of the Drawn Together house for good.]
STAN: Bye, Toot!
SPANKY: See ya, but I wouldn't wanna be ya!
WOOLDOOR: Don't cry, Toot! I still love you!
TOOT: Yeah, right...
[Toot enters the limousine. The limo drives off into the horizon, taking Toot with it. And Day 8 shall be known as "The Day Toot Got The Boot". Hmm, that would be a great children's book title, no?]
STAN(CC): Toot is finally gone at last. You know, it feels so bittersweet, because even with her gone, I still have to be in the finals with someone I hate. Well, as long as it wasn't either me or Wooldoor...
TOOT(CC): The eight sweetest days of my life. They were all filmed in this house, and they all had one thing in common... ME!
[Flashback shot of Stan searching through Toot's drawer in Episode 5.]
TOOT(VO): Stan... I have to say it again, you are hot. And it's not just a compliment so I can get attention. You really are, and you're going to get a nice girl someday. It may or may not be yours truly, but you will get one, I guarantee you!
[Flashback shot of Toot lifting up her skirt in Episode 2 to show Stan her hidden food stash.]
TOOT(VO): I know a lot about food, and a lot about cooking! And with cooking, there are recipes! With the two of us together, we can create our own recipes for all the drama that took place in the Drawn Together house! It's simply a matter of finding the right ingredients... and believe me, the Animation Alliance found them!
[Cut back to Toot in the camera confessional.]
TOOT(CC): Well, I have to give a closing speech, huh? Well, here's one... Stan, you're probably from one of the best cartoons I've seen today. Trey Parker and Matt Stone did the right thing by creating you... and both of them have really hot bodies, and the brains to go with them. Okay, that's a start, but tonight you will see an even better one. Those of you watching at home, you might want to press the RECORD button on your remotes for this one. It's the one with a red circle on it that has RECORD on it. A-duuuuuuuuuuuuh!!!
* * *
[Cut back to the living room, where Waitohooru addresses the three remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: When you first entered the Drawn Together house, there were nine of you. Now, eight days, ten challenges, and six eviction ceremonies later, you three remain. Tonight, the final ceremony will take place, and during that ceremony, one of you will be declared the winner. It could be you, it could be your best friend... or it could be your worst enemy. However, the ceremony won't be for a while, so you have plenty of time to kill until then. You three have gotten this far, but don't make any mistakes that could jeopardize your shot at winning the $100,000. Take care, everyone!
[Waitohooru leaves.]
STAN(CC): I have made it to the final three. [relieved] There IS a god. And even more astonishing is that I have made it with Wooldoor. But then again... Spanky has also made it to the final three, and hopefully, he won't win, because it would really suck if he did.
* * *
[Fast-forward to a shot of Stan, in his bathing suit, lounging in the pool. He is relaxing in the cool waters. Spanky and Wooldoor are also in the pool, in their bathing suits, and Spanky is giving Wooldoor some more swimming lessons.]
SPANKY: That's it, Wooldoor! Now, kick!
WOOLDOOR: Kick! Got it!
[Wooldoor tries as hard as he can to perform a kick stroke.]
SPANKY: Kick some more! Kick the water right in the balls!
WOOLDOOR: I don't know... does water even HAVE balls?
SPANKY: Kick it anyway!
[Wooldoor kicks and kicks some more. He seems to be improving. Stan is laughing while watching all of this.]
SPANKY: You did it!
WOOLDOOR: Yay! My parents are going to be so proud of me when I get home and show them what I have learned from you!
STAN: You guys... you two really crack my sh** up!
SPANKY: Well, it IS the last day that we're going to be in this house, so why not live it up?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, Spanky's doing that by teaching me some more swimming lessons!
STAN: As long as you don't teach him how to piss in the pool, Spanky, I don't care! [laughs]
SPANKY: Aw, that was what I was going to teach him next!
STAN: You know, Spanky, I still hate you... but, I admit it, I don't hate you quite as much as I did for the past seven days!
SPANKY: Did you hear that, everyone? The boy loves me! In fact, everyone does!
STAN: Yeah, it's kind of... creepy, when you think about it!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, very creepy!
SPANKY: And because of that, I'm going to win the $100,000 tonight. Just watch and bask in my glory, losers!
STAN: How do you know for sure YOU'RE gonna win?
SPANKY: I don't believe this... the kid's been on Animation Survivor and he STILL doesn't get it! I think there's gonna be, like, a jury made of all the people that have been voted off, and they get to choose which one of us gets to be the winner, and whoever gets the most votes from the jury wins the $100,000. And it's gonna be me, just to keep you all on the same page!
STAN: You? Ha! If it's really going to be a jury of all the people that were voted off, they probably aren't going to choose you, because they might still hate you after what you did in the house!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, I think they're probably going to choose either me or Stan. Oh, and I hope they choose me! ...Or Stan.
SPANKY: Well, let's see if THIS changes your mind!
[Spanky grabs Wooldoor's arm, and takes him to one end of the pool. He places Wooldoor in a swimming position.]
SPANKY: Kick, Wooldoor!
[Wooldoor, under Spanky's tutelage, kicks as skillfully as he can toward the other end of the pool.]
WOOLDOOR: Yay, I did it again!
SPANKY: You see? THIS is what is going to get me the 100 Gs! How many times do I have to spell it out for you two?
STAN: Well, maybe if the others SAW it, they'd be convinced... but they DIDN'T, and you're NOT gonna win!
SPANKY: Oh, I'm sure they'll see it... maybe at that hotel that I think they're going to be sequestered at! They're probably watching this right now!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, they could be.
STAN: And if that's true, then they'll probably be watching everything you did BEFORE that, too. So you still might not win!
SPANKY: Oh, whatever, dude. You don't understand now, but once you see them giving me that check, you will. It's gonna happen. And I'm not lying. It... IS... going to happen.
[Spanky continues to teach Wooldoor how to swim, while Stan just watches, laughing to himself.]
STAN[under his breath]: Oh, go f*** yourself, Spanky...
STAN(VO): When I was on Animation Survivor, I only made it to, like, seventh place, and I became a member of the jury, where I had to choose which of two cartoon characters would win the game. And I'm pretty sure that all the people who were voted off before me in this game would be on a jury as well. If they saw everything we did, then they will probably never vote for Spanky as the winner due to his past actions, so I think that either me or Wooldoor will be the winner.
* * *
[Shot of Stan in the Master Bedroom for what could very well be the last time. He is lying on his bed playing Super Mario 64 DS on his Nintendo DS. However, there is a knock on the door.]
STAN[shouting]: Who is it?
[Wooldoor opens the door to the Master Bedroom and makes a very flashy entrance of spinning around and around in a tornado (he probably learned it from watching the Tasmanian Devil --- or Dizzy Devil, at least). Eventually he stops spinning.]
STAN: Damn, dude...
WOOLDOOR: Hello, Stan!
STAN: Hey, Wooldoor.
WOOLDOOR: So, this is really the last time we're gonna stay in this house together, huh?
STAN: Yep.
WOOLDOOR: I hope they don't tear this place down! I really like this place, and I want to live here one day!
STAN: You know what, they probably will, but they shouldn't. I mean, why ruin a sweet place like this?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, I mean, it's where I learned about a whole lot of things!
STAN: Really...
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, I learned how to swim, and this one time, I also learned about masturbation!
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Stan "teaching" Wooldoor about masturbation in Episode 1.]
STAN[pissed off]: Oh, for God's sake, Wooldoor, masturbation is when you play with your penis!
[Silence.]
WOOLDOOR[excited]: Really? I can play with my penis?
STAN: Yeah, just don't do it now, please...
WOOLDOOR: Too late!
[Wooldoor pulls a game of Connect Four out of his ass, and places it on the floor. He takes the Connect Four board out of the box, and places it next to him.]
WOOLDOOR: Okay, I'm going first!
[Wooldoor places a red checker in one of the columns.]
WOOLDOOR: Okay, now it's your move!
[Wooldoor takes a black checker out, and places it down his pants, on top of his penis (which, thankfully, is blurred out).]
WOOLDOOR[to his penis]: Come on... I said it's your move! Don't be shy!
[Silence.]
STAN: Uh, dude... I am getting out of here.
* * *
[Cut back to Stan and Wooldoor in the Master Bedroom.]
WOOLDOOR: YOU were the one who taught me about masturbation, I think.
STAN: I know that... please don't remind me!
WOOLDOOR: But... aren't you too young to be a teacher?
STAN: Yeah, and I'm also a bit too young to be exposed to that sort of thing, thank you very much!
WOOLDOOR: Gosh, we've really learned a lot of things, huh, Stan?
STAN: We're probably gonna learn a lot more, eventually, but too bad we're going to learn them at places other than here.
WOOLDOOR: I never even got to sleep in this room!
STAN: Then again, neither did Spanky!
[Stan and Wooldoor laugh.]
STAN: Hoo boy... I'm still surprised Xandir gave this room to me...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Xandir, in the backyard, announcing his decision to give Stan the Master Bedroom in episode 2.]
XANDIR: And now, Stan, the prize I'm going to give you is...
[Stan is really excited.]
XANDIR: ...the Master Bedroom!
[Stan is surprised.]
STAN: Th... the Master Bedroom? Really?
XANDIR: Yeah, because last night, when I slept in it, I realized how lonely I was, so I gave it up because I totally wanted to sleep in a room that had other people in it! I feel much safer in a group... after all, safety in numbers, just like in an RPG!
[End flashback.]
* * *
WOOLDOOR: Yeah... why did he do that again?
STAN: I think it's because I got to the top of some platform thing, and retrieved some kind of crystal...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Stan jumping on a network of platforms to retrieve the Crystal of Iris in Episode 2.]
XANDIR: Okay, everybody, as you just found out, Stan got to the top first, and retrieved the crystal! Which means he gets my prize! Group applause!
[All the contestants clap for Stan.]
STAN: Kick ass!
* * *
STAN: ...really f***ed up sh**, dude.
WOOLDOOR: Darn, I really thought I would get that one! It happens a lot in my world!
STAN: Yeah, like I'd want to visit YOUR world... my parents would think I'm on drugs or something! Although Cartman would want to go there... yeah, let's send him there, and hopefully he'll STAY there!
WOOLDOOR: Yay! I could have another friend to play with!
STAN[laughing]: You know, you two BELONG together...
WOOLDOOR: Wheee!
STAN(CC): Wooldoor... screwed-up just like my other housemates, but the only one I really hooked up with. And he's not that bad. I was right, he WAS like one of those Saturday morning cartoons I watch every week! If the winner of Drawn Together isn't me, I hope it's him.
WOOLDOOR: Anyway, when does the final ceremony start?
STAN: Not for a while, Wooldoor. I don't even think we've had dinner yet!
SPANKY(OS, shouting): Yo, dinner's coming! Get your asses down here right now!
STAN AND WOOLDOOR: Coming!
[Fast-motion shot of Stan and Wooldoor running down the stairs to the living room, where Spanky is. He is standing next to the door.]
SPANKY: Oh, there you are.
WOOLDOOR: What's for dinner, Spanky?
SPANKY: Well, since it's the last day here, I ordered the best food on earth... you know what it is, don't you? I'll give you a hint, it's something you like...
STAN: Uh... it's pizza, right?
SPANKY: We have a winner! In fact, I ordered two pizzas.
STAN: Why two?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, there are THREE of us, right?
SPANKY: Oh, since you two are best friends, I thought I'd let you two share one of them. And the other one...
STAN: ...is going to be for you, right?
SPANKY: No, it's for Garfield the cat and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Of course it's for me!
[The doorbell rings, and Spanky answers it. He is greeted by the Hindi pizza delivery man, who delivered pizzas in the sixth episode of Drawn Together. He is holding two pizza boxes in his hands, which I would assume contain pizza. Duh, what else would they contain, genius?]
DELIVERY MAN[in his Indian accent]: That will be seventeen dollars and twenty-four cents, please.
[Spanky pulls out $17.00 and gives it to the pizza delivery man.]
SPANKY: Here ya go... and keep the change.
DELIVERY MAN: Oh, you are so generous, my friend! May this pizza bless your life with the happiness that my family is still waiting for.
[The pizza delivery man gives the two pizza boxes to Spanky.]
SPANKY: Thanks, turban guy!
[Spanky gives one of the pizza boxes to Stan, while holding the other one in his hands.]
SPANKY: And this one's for you and Wooldoor. Why don't you two use it to... I don't know, have some sort of pizza party?
STAN: Okay, but... why is the other one yours again?
STAN(CC): We were very excited, we were going to have pizza for supper in the last night in the Drawn Together house! Wooldoor and I had one pizza all to ourselves, and the other one was for Spanky alone... and for a good reason.
[Spanky closes the door, and opens the pizza box he is holding. He sets it down on the floor, and then takes his pants off.]
WOOLDOOR: What is he doing...
[Spanky then squats over the pizza in the box, and then doots all over it. You mean you've never watched that episode of Drawn Together? Shame on you... or good for you, depending on whoever's reading this. Anyway, Stan and Wooldoor hold their noses.]
WOOLDOOR: Pyeeew!
STAN: What the f*** is this? This is really sick, I tell you!
[Spanky closes the box with the feces pizza in it. There is another knock at the door.]
SPANKY[to himself]: Five, four, three, two, one...
[The pizza delivery man opens the front door.]
SPANKY[innocently]: Back again, I see?
DELIVERY MAN: You only gave me seventeen dollars! I need the full amount, please!
[Spanky picks up the pizza box.]
SPANKY: Oh, I'm afraid you'll have to give me a discount, because, you see, I did not order this pizza...
[Spanky opens the pizza box, and shows the delivery man the "crappy" pizza inside.]
SPANKY: ...with SAUSAGE!
[Spanky laughs to himself, while the delivery man faints from shock.]
SPANKY[to the delivery man]: Hee hee hee... you suck!
[Stan is repulsed from watching all of this.]
STAN[to Wooldoor]: Ugh... now I don't know if I *want* to eat pizza tonight...
WOOLDOOR[to Stan]: Well, if you won't eat it, can *I* have it, then?
* * *
[Fast-forward to a shot of the final three at the top of the stairs leading down to the Room of Doom, where the final eviction ceremony is moments away.]
STAN: Well, this is it, you guys.
[Wooldoor hesitates a bit before going downstairs.]
WOOLDOOR: I can't do it. I'm nervous!
STAN: Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of, Wooldoor.
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, but... what if no one votes for me?
SPANKY: What, are you afraid that I'm going to get all the votes [under his breath] andofcourseIwill... chill out, man!
STAN: You're still going to get at least one vote... maybe each of us will.
SPANKY: I know Captain Hero will vote for me! We two are tight... just like his uniform!
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Spanky and Captain Hero having a conversation in the bathroom in Episode 4.]
SPANKY: ...and they don't suspect a thing!
CAPTAIN HERO: They're never going to figure out our plan!
SPANKY: And the best part is... you can listen to all of THEIR plans!
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah, with the super hearing! Smart thinking!
* * *
SPANKY: See? I have a friend on the jury already! I'm gonna get the majority of the votes tonight!
STAN: Well, I don't think everyone on the jury is going to vote for you, Spanky. I know Xandir hates you...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Xandir and Spanky, after Spanky has replaced all of Xandir's photos in Episode 3.]
XANDIR: Spanky... you have really done it. You have ruined my shot at getting a Photography Badge that I would have gotten for a complete photo album! It would have increased EVERY SINGLE ONE of my stats by fifty! Fifty, Spanky! Fifty!
SPANKY: Yeah, and I suppose you wanted to wear it so you can have something to wear to convince the Great Fairy Queen to give you, like, a million extra lives, to make up for the millions you already wasted on that crappy photo album, which, by the way, I don't give a sh** about?
[At this point, Xandir has a lot of tears in his eyes.]
XANDIR[crying]: Spanky... you are so hurtful!
* * *
SPANKY: Yeah, but the girls will probably vote for me... since I'm a chick magnet --- and if you've seen the episode "Chicks And Dicks", you'll know what I'm talking about!
STAN: Riiiight...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Spanky announcing he had sex with Foxxy, in Episode 5.]
SPANKY: Anyway, last night, on the living room couch, while you were all sleeping, the two of us were freaking!
FOXXY: Yeah, we listen to some Barry White music, we turn the lights down low, and we took off our clothes... we got all nekkid on the couch!
SPANKY: That's right! This woman made my schlong grow, but even after that, I could still insert it into her massive vagina!
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Spanky giving Clara her first orgasm in Episode 6.]
SPANKY: What's my name, Clara?
CLARA: Spanky!
SPANKY[shouting]: What's my name??
CLARA[shouting]: Spanky!!
SPANKY[shouting louder]: WHAT'S MY NAME???
CLARA[shouting louder]: SPANKY!!!
TOOT(OS, shouting): Hey, shut the f*** up, I'm trying to sleep in here!
SPANKY AND CLARA(shouting): Sorry!!!
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Toot and Spanky just at the end of Episode 7.]
TOOT: And you know what else this means?
STAN: No, what?
[Toot approaches Spanky, and places her arms on Spanky's back.]
TOOT: We have some catching up to do, if you know what I mean...
SPANKY: AAAAAAAA!!! Wooldoor, wait for me!!!
[Spanky also freaks out and runs into the Red Room.]
TOOT: Aww, dammit!
* * *
SPANKY: And Ling-Ling has my back, I'm sure of it.
STAN: I don't think he does...
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, Spanky, isn't your back on your body?
SPANKY: Who asked you?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Ling-Ling serving breakfast to everyone in Episode 2.]
SPANKY: Yeah, keep it going, Asian! Give me some more food, so I can turn it into crap later when I go to the bathroom!
LING-LING[muttering]: (You are so asking for challenge, pig-demon... maybe Ling-Ling should cook YOU instead!)
SPANKY: What's that you say, Japanese? You want to work your Asian ass off, and faster? Okay, if that's what you want...
[Ling-Ling sweatdrops.]
* * *
STAN: Well, not to be cocky or anything, but I think either me or Wooldoor will get the majority of the votes tonight, if that's what the ceremony is, and we don't know what the ceremony is yet.
WOOLDOOR: I hope it's an ice cream eating contest!
STAN: I thought the host said we weren't going to do any more challenges.
WOOLDOOR: Awwwww.
[Silence.]
WOOLDOOR: I *still* hope it's an ice cream eating contest! Wheee!
SPANKY: Well, there's only one way to find out... we go down these stairs and learn our fate.
STAN: Yeah.
WOOLDOOR: Yeah.
[Silence.]
WOOLDOOR: Man, this is getting boring.
SPANKY: Yeah, just like the final three of the first season of Big Brother.
STAN: You know, since you two are in the finals, and you've had that rivalry, I thought it would get more... I don't know, interesting?
SPANKY: Well, if you want...
[Spanky raises his fist, and punches Wooldoor in the face, knocking him out.]
STAN: Uh... THAT could work.
SPANKY: But I'm afraid that's all the good TV they're gonna get out of us tonight... unless they put all nine of us in a second season. I'm gonna win that one, too!
STAN: Whatever, dude. Let's go.
[Stan and Spanky descend the stairs. It is now that Wooldoor wakes from unconsciousness.]
WOOLDOOR: Stan? Spanky? Hey, wait up!
[Wooldoor goes down the stairs after them.]
* * *
[Slow-motion closeup of Stan descending the staircase.]
STAN(CC): I went down the stairs one last time to the Room of Doom, and I was nervous... nervous as hell. I know I made it to the final three, but I was worried that that was as far as I was going to go. Besides, if there really is a jury composed of the six people we voted off, they are going to be really pissed at us for trying to vote them off, even though Toot was the only one I actually voted off, really.
[Slow-motion closeup of Spanky descending the staircase.]
SPANKY(CC): We were all nervous, not just Stan, but also me and Wooldoor. How is he going to react when he finds out that this show is as fake as Jessica Argus' tits? Is he going to pull out a chaingun or an uzi and kill all of us? Is he going to flip all of us the bird? Is he going to start crying for his mommy and daddy, like the pussy he is? ...Metaphorically speaking, of course. We knew it was the end of the story, but we still didn't know what was going to happen after that.
[Slow-motion closeup of Wooldoor descending the staircase.]
WOOLDOOR(CC): I'm not going to lie to you... I was freaking out at this point. Stan had formed an alliance with me all week. I was worried that once the truth would be revealed, he would no longer be my best friend! Please, Stan, don't betray me! I don't have anyone to turn to now! Please, Stan, say you're still my friend, so I won't feel lonely! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!
* * *
*
*
*
[Slow-motion shot of the final three contestants entering the Room of Doom. The table is also set up, with the cels for each of the three.]
[Eventually, all three contestants have entered the Room of Doom. The three contestants are greeted by Waitohooru, who comes down the stairs and takes his place in front of them.]
WAITOHOORU: Welcome, for the last time, to the Room of Doom. This room was where six of your friends met their untimely end in this game. And now, you three are left. Normally, in a ceremony like this, one of you would be evicted. But since all six eviction ceremonies took place, this ceremony is different. In this ceremony, one of you will finally, after eight days, be awarded the $100,000.
STAN: And boy, do I need it!
WAITOHOORU: If this entire contest was for the strongest houseguest, Captain Hero would be the winner. If it was for the sexiest houseguest, then Foxxy Love would win. If it was for the prettiest houseguest, Princess Clara would win this. If it was for the most effeminate houseguest, it would be Xandir. If it was for the most misunderstood houseguest, the honor would go to Ling-Ling. Finally, if it was for the bitchiest houseguest, then Toot Braunstein would win. But Drawn Together is about who played the game the best out of the group of nine we had in the beginning, and only you three are eligible. And to determine the winner, we've asked several people to help out...
STAN: It's going to be the people who were voted off, right?
WAITOHOORU: No, they're really going to be a group of biased fanfic authors who are obviously going to affect the voting process, like in Cartoon Survivor!
[Silence.]
STAN: Oh god...
WAITOHOORU: Nah, I'm just kidding, you really WILL be judged by the evicted housemates. What did you THINK this was? [shouting] Come on in, everyone!
[At this point, coming down the stairs are the six Drawn Together contestants who were "evicted" --- in other words, Princess Clara, Foxxy Love, Toot Braunstein, Ling-Ling, Xandir, and Captain Hero. They take their places next to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: These are the six cartoon characters who have been voted off by you... or, in the case of Foxxy, accepted an offer to leave the game on her own. And these six toons are going to decide which of the three of you is going to win the $100,000. The six of them are each going to either ask a question or make a statement, but first, they would like each of you three to make an opening statement. Stan, why don't you go first?
[Stan steps forward, and addresses the jury.]
STAN: Wow, you guys. You six are on the jury, huh? Well, when I was on Animation Survivor, I was on the jury, and I had to choose the winner. Now, I am NOT on the jury, and you have to choose from either me or one of two other guys. I really don't feel like I have the position of power I did in the past, and I know all of you are really pissed at us, so... I'd just like to say that I hold no grudges against any of you, and you've probably made up your minds already, so basically... just vote for whoever you feel like. Okay, I'm done.
[Stan steps back to rejoin Spanky and Wooldoor.]
WAITOHOORU: Damn, Tom was right about you... they can't all be Shakespeare. Okay then, Spanky, you have the floor.
SPANKY: Hot damn!
[Spanky steps forward, and addresses the jury.]
SPANKY: Well, since I'm up here, I have to say this... [singsong] Na na na na na! I made it to the finals, and a lot of you didn't want me to! But I did, and I'm here, and you're not, so the only logical thing to do is give me the money, because I said so, so there.
[Spanky steps back to rejoin Stan and Wooldoor.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, now Wooldoor, the floor is yours!
WOOLDOOR: Really?
[Wooldoor takes some tiles from the floor.]
WAITOHOORU: No, not the floor of the Room of Doom, Wooldoor! I said, it's your turn to address the jury!
WOOLDOOR: But I thought they were already a-dressed... well, except for Ling-Ling, who isn't wearing anything.
WAITOHOORU: Just speak to them!
WOOLDOOR: Oh.
[Wooldoor steps forward, and addresses the jury.]
WOOLDOOR: If I'm elected the winner, I will give you lots of candy and soda and gumdrops and lollipops and all the colors of the rainbow! Wheeeeee!
[Wooldoor excitedly steps back to rejoin Stan and Spanky.]
WAITOHOORU: Ooookay. Well, anyway, the three finalists have made their opening statements. Now the six members of the jury will speak to you. Some of them will be asking you questions, and some of them will be making statements. Watch what you say in front of them, because they want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Ling-Ling, since you were the first houseguest evicted, you will get to speak first.
[Ling-Ling steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
LING-LING[in his Japanese-like language]: (Ling-Ling has question! If you were contestant on-)
SPANKY[pissed off]: Hey, speak English!
[Ling-Ling sprouts an anime-style vein in his forehead, then closes his eyes, and does a mushroom-cloud sigh, and then addresses the final three again, this time in English.]
LING-LING: Okay... if you were contestant on reality TV show, what strategy would you use to make it to finals?
SPANKY: Hey, what do you mean *if* I was a contestant?
LING-LING: Sorry, still no good at English.
SPANKY: Well, the strategy I would use is just to be who I am, since I ain't changin' for no one, man!
LING-LING: Okay. Stan?
STAN: The same strategy I used on Animation Survivor... fight for my life. I want to prove that a decent person like me has a shot at winning this game, and I want to keep people around who I feel can be trustworthy, and vote off people who I think cannot be trusted. It didn't work for me this time around, so what the hell do *I* know about strategy? But then again, I'm also in the finals, so what do I know anyway? [laughs]
LING-LING: Indeed... you are no Ling-Ling. Now, Wooldoor, what your strategy?
WOOLDOOR: My strategy is to keep all the good people around, because I want a lot of nice, friendly people around to play with! Wheeee!
LING-LING: Okay. Ling-Ling satisfied.
[Ling-Ling steps back to rejoin the rest of the jury.]
WAITOHOORU: Captain Hero, it's your turn.
[Captain Hero steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, it's all guys in the final three. I would have loved to see an all-girl final three, and I would have loved to see them in their bikinis... but an all-guy final three is still cool. Anyway, my question is, if you could have any super power you wanted, which one would it be? Spanky?
SPANKY: Well, if increasing my penis size is a super power, I could have that. Either that, or the power to make the girls' boobs bigger. That's it.
CAPTAIN HERO: Okay, Wooldoor, what about you?
WOOLDOOR: I would want the power to turn raindrops into sunshine! Yaaaay!
CAPTAIN HERO: And finally, Stan.
STAN: Okay, Captain Hero... the super power I would want is the ability to fly, just like you. I could go anywhere I wanted to without having to take a plane, because do you know how expensive it is to go on one these days? God!
CAPTAIN HERO: Thank you, my three super friends. I'm done.
[Captain Hero steps back to rejoin the rest of the jury.]
WAITOHOORU: Foxxy, it's now your turn.
[Foxxy steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
FOXXY: Hey, y'all! You sho' miss Foxxy, don'tcha? Yeah, and Foxxy still says she's sorry fo' takin' the money and leavin' y'all with Spanky! So Foxxy want to ax y'all a question: if Foxxy did not take the offer fo' 25 Gs, who would be in the final three? Stan?
STAN: Well, you would definitely be in the final three, Foxxy, and Wooldoor and I would also be up here. Spanky would definitely not be in the final three, since he would have been voted off by then... nothing against you, Foxxy!
FOXXY: It's cool. Spanky?
SPANKY: Nuh-uh. Stan's lying. I would've been in the final three, since I'd find my way back in, but you'd still be in there, and with Clara, and the two of you would have worn bikinis. I would have made my own "Ham sandwich"... know what I mean?
FOXXY: Riiiight. And Wooldoor?
WOOLDOOR: I agree with Stan... he and I would be in the final three along with you! Wheeee!
FOXXY: So y'all wanted me in the final three, huh? I was right... y'all really DID miss Foxxy! Well, I'ma think about who to vote fo'.
[Foxxy steps back to rejoin the rest of the jury.]
WAITOHOORU: Clara, you're next.
[Clara steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
CLARA: This is a very difficult position I am in... just like when a princess has to choose among a bunch of male suitors which one should be her prince, I now have to choose among three houseguests which should win the grand prize. Well, as long as it's me making the decision, and not an Iraqi, I'm okay with that. Still, my question is, if you won the money, and you wanted to donate your winnings to charity, which charity would it be? Stan?
STAN: Well, I know there are a lot of charities out there, but I think I would donate to a charity that takes place in South Park, since it's a small mountain town that usually doesn't get a lot of income. I would donate to my school, South Park Elementary, and I hope that by the time I reach the fifth grade, the school would have better programs, and a kickass school system, and maybe some hot teachers... just kidding on that last one!
CLARA: All right then. Wooldoor?
WOOLDOOR: Gosh, Clara... I don't know which charity I would want to donate to, so I'd donate to all of them at once!
CLARA: How nice! Spanky, how about you?
SPANKY: Clara, I would donate to the Spanky Ham Needs A Swedish Penis-Enlarging Pump Fund.
CLARA: You'd donate to a Swedish charity? Oh. Okay. That's it for me now.
[Clara steps back to rejoin the rest of the jury.]
WAITOHOORU: Xandir, it's your turn now.
[Xandir steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
XANDIR: Okay, now as the three of you already know, I am the only houseguest out of the nine of us who is from a video game. Speaking of games, which of the challenges is your favorite, and which one is your least favorite? Wooldoor?
WOOLDOOR: My favorite challenge is the one where I was covered in honey, and my least favorite was the swimming challenge... it was scary!
XANDIR: Okay then, Stan?
STAN: Well, Xandir, my favorite challenge is the Sumo challenge, since I believe it was the first one I could beat Spanky at, and my least favorite challenge was the one where I had to eat dog crap.
XANDIR: Okay. And finally, Spanky.
SPANKY: Well, I have three favorite challenges... the one where I touched Mune-Mune's vagina, the one where I licked chocolate off Foxxy, and the one where I saw Bleh in a wet T-shirt. But I don't know which one is my favorite, so I'll say all three of them are my favorite. My least favorite challenge was when I had to dress up as Bo-Peep... I hate that gay costume! Next time, YOU wear it, since you like that sort of thing...
XANDIR: Well, I know who I'm probably NOT going to vote for, but thanks anyway. I'll think about it.
[Xandir steps back to rejoin the rest of the jury.]
WAITOHOORU: And last but not least, Toot.
[Toot steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
TOOT: Yeah, I know the other five have asked you questions, and you're expecting me to ask one as well. Well, I'm going to surprise you all by giving you a statement instead. And all of you have to listen. Stan, Wooldoor, and Spanky... congratulations. Three cartoons in color have outlasted a cartoon from the black-and-white era. Big surprise. But before the three of you wallow in your self-indulgence, you might want to think about the ramifications... the CONSEQUENCES that came automatically with your decision to vote me off. First off, when you voted me off, you literally tried to remove the absence of color from the little worlds you live in consisting ONLY of color. You got rid of me, yes... but two things you can NEVER get rid of are the color black, and the color white.
[Stan, Spanky, and Wooldoor are stunned.]
TOOT: That's right. No matter how much you try, you can't get rid of them! First, I would like to discuss black... and I'm not talking about black like Foxxy Love over here. I am talking about BLACK black. Black is darkness. Black is the color of the night sky. When you close your eyes, the only color you see is black. When you turn off your TV, the only color you see on the TV screen is black. When you cook a turkey or some other type of food for too long, it eventually becomes black. So don't tell me you haven't seen black at least once in your lifetime! And white... white is the lightest color there is. Your eyes are white, and so are your teeth if you clean them right. The milk you drink is also white. The snow that falls from the sky in winter... it's white. Black and white are definitely here to stay!
STAN: Damn, Toot, I didn't know you felt that way...
TOOT: But what puzzles me is... why do the three of you want to live in color? What exactly is color good for, anyway? Don't you know how much of a strain it puts on the people who animate you? They would have to spend extra on colored ink, and believe me, that stuff ain't cheap. Besides, the same scenarios and situations all three of you were in can easily be done without color just as they were done in color. I know you may not understand it now, but trust me, you will eventually. Hell, this entire show we're in right now could have been accomplished without the use of color! But since none of you three are black-and-white cartoons, I really have no idea who I want to vote for. But you three are definitely people I would NOT want to vote for! Because if, for some reason, there was another black-and-white cartoon here, and that cartoon character made the final three, I would without a doubt vote for that toon as the winner. But I am the only black-and-white cartoon in the entire group, hence my dilemma.
[Toot clears her throat before continuing.]
TOOT: So, to be honest, the real reason why I have no sensible question to ask the three of you is because there are too damn many! But the one that tops the list is about your strategy. Three cartoon characters who think, "Oh, this girl is so fat, and she's a bitch, and she keeps showing us her ugly gray titties, so let's vote her out!" If that is true, then wouldn't it have made a teeny-weeny bit more sense to KEEP me in the final three? Then the other two would at least have a greater chance of winning. But since the final three consists of the three who foolishly voted me off, their chance of winning has been reduced by about seventeen percent now, no matter what the scenario. Do the math, people!
[Toot blinks her eyes for a bit.]
TOOT: So, in my final breath, I offer one last demand of the three of you, and before you ask, no, there is no way out of THIS one, because I'M on the jury, and I'M in power, okay? Anyway, my final request is...
[Toot stares down the final three, who are really nervous.]
TOOT: ...I want you to pick a number between 1 and 100!
STAN: What? That's it?
TOOT: That's what I said. Pick one!
WOOLDOOR: Well, I will pick 1, if that's what you said.
STAN[nervous]: Um... I will pick the number 30.
SPANKY[raising his hand]: 69!
[Spanky giggles at his rather "sexual" choice.]
TOOT: Oh. Okay.
[Toot forms an evil grin on her face.]
TOOT[to herself]: Eat your heart out, Susan Hawk!
[Toot steps back to rejoin the rest of the jury.]
WAITOHOORU: And there you have it. Stan, Spanky, and Wooldoor... the six jurors have spoken to you. Some of them have already made up their mind about who they should award the $100,000 to, and some of them still haven't. You three have one last chance to either change their minds or give them at least a vague idea about who they should vote for. Spanky, why don't you go first?
[Spanky steps forward, and addresses the jury to deliver his closing argument.]
SPANKY: Anyway, why should you give me the hundred thousand? Because I deserve it, and none of you do, so all of you can suck my dick. And if you already did, then suck it again. That's it. Deal with it.
[While the jury has horrified expressions on their faces from Spanky's remark, Spanky steps back to rejoin Stan and Wooldoor.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay... Wooldoor, it's your turn.
WOOLDOOR: Wheee!
[Wooldoor excitedly steps forward to address the jury.]
WOOLDOOR: Um, I'm pretty sure you know who to vote for by now, but you should vote for me anyway, because after all, I love everyone in this room! I love you, Ling-Ling! I love you, Captain Hero! I love you, Foxxy! I love you, Clara! I love you, Xandir! I love you, Toot! And I love you, Stan and Spanky! And most of all, I love you, Waitohooru! And not only that, I love the cameramen! Wheeee!
[Wooldoor blows kisses towards everyone, which are in the form of floating red hearts which flutter around the room.]
WOOLDOOR: See, I told you I love everyone in this room! Okay, I'm done.
[Wooldoor steps back excitedly to rejoin Stan and Spanky. The jury waits for the floating red hearts to die down.]
WAITOHOORU: And finally, Stan.
[Stan steps forward, and addresses the jury.]
STAN: Geez, you guys... I... I don't really care who wins, whether it's me or someone else, but... I guess the main reason why you should vote for me is because I... because I think I have been in the Drawn Together house the longest. I have lasted the longest in the house, since I was the very first one to arrive there. That's right. Wooldoor and Spanky not only arrived later, but they were taken out of the game on Day 6, when Wooldoor died, and Spanky was ejected from the house. Of course, as you know, they were put back into the game, but I was still in the Drawn Together house while both of them were gone.
[The jury members have stunned expressions on their faces.]
STAN: And not only that, I have endured a lot of tough situations... some of which were situations that my parents would never allow me to go through! For instance, wearing Xandir's thong, looking at Clara's vagina, placing my hand on Mune-Mune's breast, wearing a Raggedy Andy costume, cleaning the house in my Raggedy Andy costume, searching through Toot's underwear, licking chocolate off Foxxy, having to eat dog crap... I've been placed in all of those situations! And yet, I have not once thought of killing myself! I feel I've accomplished a lot of things in this Drawn Together house that I never could back in South Park!
[The jury members look on as Stan continues his speech.]
STAN: The six of you... I think you have already made your decision... but I would like to address a few things...
[Stan turns to face Ling-Ling.]
STAN: Ling-Ling... the day you were voted off, you voted against me. I was pissed. I formed an alliance with you that day, and you voted against me. I did not cast one of the seven votes against you, and you try to vote me off anyway. And don't tell me you voted against someone else, because I know it was my name you wrote down. Not once in the Drawn Together house have I ever been as deceptive and untrustworthy to you as you were to me. I'm starting to wonder if you can live with yourself after this. I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but I had to get this out, just so you'll understand.
LING-LING: Hai.
[Stan now turns to face Captain Hero.]
STAN: Captain Hero... I also did not vote against you the day YOU were voted off. I'm pretty sure that those who DID vote you off were probably threatened by your strength and super powers... but I wasn't. I was tired of Spanky winning those immunity challenges, and hoped someone other than him would win them. Maybe if you stayed in the house longer, you could have won one of them instead!
CAPTAIN HERO: Gee... ya think?
[Stan now faces Foxxy.]
STAN: Foxxy... I definitely did NOT vote against you! And of course, there was the sumo reward challenge, where I gave you the TV that I won, and now that I think about it... I'm actually glad I gave it to you, because it made you happy, and it also came with $25,000, so when you vote, you should think about that.
FOXXY: Oh, Foxxy WILL think about it, chile!
[Stan now turns to face Clara.]
STAN: Clara... you were another person I did not vote against. I don't know why you were voted off that night... maybe it was because of your relationship with the host that some people, Toot included, were suspicious of... I was not one of those people. And actually, I admit, I like being handcuffed to you that day, so maybe I'd want to be handcuffed to you again some time!
CLARA[giggles]: Oh, you're a good little boy, Stan!
[Stan now faces Xandir.]
STAN: Xandir... please listen to me. The day you and Clara were voted off, many people in the house voted against either of those two... and I didn't. I have nothing against gay people, or video game characters, and despite the fact that you spent a hell of a lot of time on the phone talking to your "friends"... I didn't care. I still like you anyway!
XANDIR: Aw, how touching!
[Stan turns to face Toot.]
STAN: Toot... sorry, Toot, but you were the only member of the jury I actually did vote against... and it was today. I didn't have much of a choice... I really wanted to vote Spanky off at first, but he kept winning immunity challenges... and when he didn't win them, he somehow found some way to get back into the game... which totally surprised me. You were, however, my second choice. But that's not a bad thing, considering I hate Spanky more than I hate you. I actually like you... no matter what some people say, you're still a hot girl in my eyes, and maybe if you would tone down the bitchiness, I could like you a lot more. I think Spanky hates you... so you might want to think about that.
TOOT: Okay. [in cutesy voice] Thanks for telling me, Stan!
[Toot keeps winking her eye at Stan.]
WAITOHOORU[to Toot]: Toot... I was right. You really should get that eye looked at.
TOOT: I'm fine, silly!
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Ooooookay. Well, I'm done now. You guys... think about what I just said.
[Stan steps back to rejoin Spanky and Wooldoor.]
WAITOHOORU: And so ends the closing arguments. In a moment, the six jury members will be voting, and they are going to write down the name of the toon that they think, based on your actions in the Drawn Together house, and your statements, should win the $100,000. However, instead of leaving the vote there, the jury members must take it with them, and not show their vote until I say so. It is now time to vote. Ling-Ling, since you were the first voted off, you get to vote first.
[Ling-Ling walks down the hallway, casting his vote. The six jury members know who they are going to be "voting for" in advance, so once again, they are going to be writing whatever they want. Their vote will be switched with a predetermined "vote" written in advance, after they have written and spoken their peace.]
[Ling-Ling writes "PIKACHU" on his piece of paper.]
LING-LING: (You are the ultimate. Keep giving the American children seizures, and leave them helpless to your charm. Maybe will stop them from inbreeding once and all.)
[Ling-Ling switches his "vote" with another one written in advance. He takes it with him.]
* * *
[Shot of Captain Hero voting. He writes "WONDER WOMAN" on his piece of paper.]
CAPTAIN HERO: You think I was going to vote someone OTHER than a hot super-chick as the winner? Dream on, buddy!
[Captain Hero switches votes, and takes his new vote with him.]
* * *
[Shot of Foxxy voting. She writes "HANNA-BARBERA" on her piece of paper.]
FOXXY: You broke the color barrier, and that good enough fo' Foxxy!
[Foxxy switches votes, and takes her new vote with her.]
* * *
[Shot of Clara voting. She writes "WAITOHOORU" on her piece of paper.]
CLARA: Oh, I'm supposed to be voting for one of the final three? Oh, silly me! I'm sorry!
[Clara switches votes, and takes her new vote with her.]
* * *
[Shot of Xandir voting. He writes "NINTENDO" on his piece of paper.]
XANDIR: I don't care if people call Nintendo's consoles gay or not... I think it deserves the money since those other companies keep bashing it so much... they are so judgmental, and that is not fabulous at all. Sorry, other guys.
[Xandir switches votes, and takes his new vote with him.]
* * *
[Shot of Toot voting. She writes "TOOT", which is her own name, on her piece of paper.]
TOOT: Well, I know I'm not supposed to be doing this, but I thought I'd do it anyway just to, you know, stir the pot! ...Okay, fine. Have it your way. I don't care.
[Toot switches votes, and takes her new vote with her.]
* * *
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[Toot goes back to the Room of Doom, with her vote, and rejoins the other members of the jury. All of them have their "votes" with them, and are hiding them from the final three.]
WAITOHOORU: As you can see, the jury members have now voted. Now is the moment you three have been waiting for. If you get the most votes, then you will be officially declared the winner of Drawn Together. It is now time to reveal the votes. Foxxy, why don't you reveal your vote first?
FOXXY: Glad to, honey!
[Foxxy steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
FOXXY: Truth is, this be an easy vote fo' Foxxy. Because o' this chile, Foxxy got a TV and 25 Gs!
[Foxxy reveals her vote, which is for "STAN".]
STAN: Whoa... kick ass!
WAITOHOORU: So the first vote is for Stan. That's one vote for Stan. Toot, you may now reveal your vote.
[Toot steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
TOOT: Well, none of you three guessed my number correctly. My number was, in fact, 36-24-36. But one of you was close...
[Toot reveals her vote, which is for "STAN". Stan is now surprised that two toons have voted for him.]
STAN: Sweet, dude!
SPANKY: Hey, I thought I was the closest! 36, 24, and 36 add up to... 96, I think, so I think I was the closest!
[Toot narrows her eyes, and gives Spanky a raspberry.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, after that, Stan now has two votes, while Spanky and Wooldoor don't have any yet. But that could change. Captain Hero, you may reveal your vote.
[Captain Hero steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
CAPTAIN HERO: I formed an alliance with this toon from the very beginning, and I stuck with it all the way.
[Captain Hero reveals his vote, which is for "SPANKY".]
SPANKY: Yes!
CAPTAIN HERO: I have to say it... A-duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so Spanky now has one vote, while Stan has two. Wooldoor doesn't have any yet. Xandir, it's now your turn.
[Xandir steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
XANDIR: Okay, no offense if your name isn't on there, but this houseguest totally made me smile every single day I was in the Drawn Together house.
[Xandir reveals his vote, which is for "WOOLDOOR".]
WOOLDOOR[excitedly]: Wheeee!
WAITOHOORU: And Wooldoor now has a vote. So Spanky and Wooldoor each have one, Stan still has two. Ling-Ling, you're next.
[Ling-Ling steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
LING-LING: Three cartoons who are not Ling-Ling... but only one the triumphant one? Well, Ling-Ling chose who shall receive the treatment of the mighty...
[Ling-Ling reveals his vote, which is for "SPUNKY".]
WAITOHOORU: So... you're voting for Spunky, the dog from Rocko's Modern Life?
LING-LING: He!
[Ling-Ling points at Spanky.]
SPANKY: Yeah, me!
STAN: Hoo boy...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so that's two votes for Spanky. So, now it is two votes Spanky, two votes Stan, one vote Wooldoor. We only have Clara's vote left. If she voted for either Spanky or Stan, then that toon will be the winner of Drawn Together. If she voted for Wooldoor, then we have a three-way tie. It all depends on Clara's vote, and she will reveal it now.
[Clara steps forward, and addresses the final three.]
CLARA: I have chosen to vote with my heart... the three have different strategies, and different approaches to winning the game... but I chose to vote for the one I feel is the most honest... and played the game the best in my eyes...
[Individual shots of each of the final three.]
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CLARA: He has taught me so much in my life... which I could never learn back in the castle! And since I learned so much from him, it is only fitting that I repay the favor!
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[Clara now reveals her vote, which is for...]
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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And if you think I'm not going to write what happens after that, you're dead wrong.
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COMING SOON...
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*Who did Clara vote for? Did she vote for Stan? Did she vote for Wooldoor? Or did she vote for Spanky? And if she voted for Spanky... is she insane? No matter who she voted for, Stan will be surprised...
*What happens after the winner is announced will also scare the crap out of Stan!
*And finally, we reveal to Stan the horrible truth about "Drawn Together"! What will his reaction be?
*Also, I will interview Stan one-on-one and show him some behind-the-scenes footage, as well as taped confessionals of the eight Drawn Together cast members!
It's all coming up in the final episode of "Animated Joe Schmo". And yes, I'm going to write everything I promised!
* * *
Author's Notes:
I've mentioned seven Drawn Together cast member comparisons in previous Author's Notes, leaving only Toot left. She gets compared to Ashleigh... for being a bitchy girl who wants her own way... particularly in the love triangle between her, the host, and the virgin... and sometimes she's compared to Brian, and the "fat person" sight gags that were written for him in the original series (or should I say written BY him, since Brian Keith Etheridge wrote the original script for Joe Schmo) are written for Toot here. And believe me, you had no idea how hard it is writing a Susan Hawk-style speech for her!
The final voting is "To Be Continued", like in the original next-to-last episode of Joe Schmo. But who do you think will win this time? The Schmo... or the Asshole, which have two votes, and the third could make either of them the winner. Or will it go to Wooldoor, and will there be a three-way tie as a result? You will find out in due time, my friend...
Well, I'ma write the final chapter now. While you wait, enjoy this chapter, the seven before it, and all the chapters of JusSonic's spinoff, "Justin Schmo", on www.toonzone.net. See ya!
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Animated Joe Schmo