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Losing Control	By : GabrielC Category: Transformers > G1 > AU/AR Views: 4231 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformer. I make no profit from writing this

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Seeing Red

Solar Cycle – 1 day

Cycle – 1 hour

Stellar Cycle – 1 year

Astrosecond – 1 second

Deca-cycle – 2 weeks

****

Autobot Base

The next few solar cycles were wrought with tension throughout the base. Optimus had increased his inspections just so he could keep an eye on his mechs, some were dealing with Jazz’s death better than others and some namely one, hadn’t seemed to have reacted at all.

Prowl had pretty much locked himself in his office, working for most of the day and only ever appearing when he required energon. Optimus was more than a little concerned and although Prowl had become exceedingly distant with him and everyone else, his work was still impeccable. Optimus frowned as he patrolled the base. The odd mech that crossed his path gave him a slight nod out of respect. Nobody really felt like socialising.

Ratchet had taken it upon himself to organise a memorial for their friend, in his mind it was to boost whatever morale they had left. He had fought for it by telling them all with no room for argument that it would have been what Jazz would have wanted. It had fallen to Optimus to convince Prowl it was a good idea for him to attend. Everyone on the base knew how close Prowl and Jazz had been and while they could never be called more than friends, Jazz was the only person apart from himself that had gotten even remotely close to the stoic, cold SIC.

He rounded the corner plucking up the courage to head to Prowl’s office where he knew for certain the black and white mech was holed up. Optimus shook his head, his own thoughts chiding him for his reluctance. Why was he so nervous to approach his SIC, he was Prime wasn’t he? Still the apprehension remained, Optimus let out a deep sigh. It wasn’t about rank, it wasn’t about anything other than the fact that he could no longer deny that he cared for Prowl and to see him shut down so drastically had him worried.

He paused outside the door debating whether to knock or to just override the lock and walk in and demand an explanation. The direct approach usually worked with Prowl, himself being rather tactless at times but Optimus had a feeling that whichever way he approached it, it wasn’t going to be easy.

****

Ironhide was not one to hide his moods, good or otherwise. Most mechs had taken to avoiding him while he was in his current foul mood. He felt like a complete failure he and Jazz had only be fooling around, having fun ever since they’d gotten carried away in the training room. Both had agreed it was nothing serious, besides as far as Ironhide knew Jazz only had optics for one mech, unbelievably so as Ironhide didn’t understand why anyone would be attracted to Prowl. Not that he wasn’t attractive, quite the opposite but what soured Ironhide was the SIC’s cold exterior, blunt and seemingly uncaring attitude.

Ironhide growled softly, realising suddenly his fists were clenched tightly. He paused from his incessant pacing around the rec room and frowned. Was he jealous of Prowl? He shook his head, planting himself on a nearby chair. No not jealous, blindingly angry at him perhaps but not jealous. His thoughts drifted once more to Jazz, to have died so horribly it wasn’t right. Ironhide wanted to break something, scream at someone, he may have just been having fun with Jazz but Ironhide missed his company and it burned like the pits that he was gone. He let out a snarl slamming his fist onto the counter. He had to get control of himself, the memorial was in less than a cycle being angry wasn’t going to bring him back. The red mech sighed and waited for the others to arrive.

****

Prowl didn’t even glance up from his desk as Optimus entered looking rather fraught after spending the last half cycle trying to crack the door lock. He frowned at the black and white mech and decided the direct approach was the only recourse at this point.

“Prowl!”

His SIC snapped his head up at the commanding bark. “Sir...?”

“You will stand to attention when I address you.” Optimus continued to rely heavily on being Prime at this point.

Prowl blinked before rising out of his chair sharply and standing ram rod straight in front of his leader. “Yes Prime, my apologies.”

Optimus sighed. “What has gotten into you Prowl?”

Prowl frowned, confused. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean this.” Optimus lifted his hands gesturing to the whole room. “Barricading yourself in your office day after day. Taking on more work than even you can probably handle”

“I assure you I am managing jus –“

“I’ve not finished.” Optimus snapped. Prowl clamped his mouth shut unused to being on the receiving end of his leader’s ire.

“Look I know Jazz’s death has hit us hard.” Optimus softened his tone, resting his hands on the rigid shoulders of his subordinate. “But this isn’t the answer, you can’t just keep all of this bottled inside. Prowl after everything you’ve been through, something will give.”

Prowl remained silent, his optics darkened slightly at the mention of Jazz.

“Now there is a memorial starting at the next cycle. I want you to be there, I know how much he meant to you, you should be there.”

Prowl honestly didn’t think there was any point. It was his fault Jazz was dead, it should have been him, he’d sent him on the mission knowing that they could quite probably have a spy. He’d been so sure nobody else knew of the mission, he’d failed. He dropped his head to the floor.

“I got him killed.” He spoke softly, his voice laced with so much guilt that Optimus drew back a little.

“Prowl you can’t think that way.”

The tactician straightened and glared at his leader coldly. “No? It was on my recommendation that we send a spy into the Decepticon base knowing full well we had a leak of information. I sent him, I was in control of the entire mission and somewhere either in my distraction due to my inability to control my emotions since my ordeal with the seekers, or just sheer negligence I failed to do that. I failed to keep him safe and he was killed.” His doorwings trembled with tension as he continued to glare at Prime.

“I am no longer fit to serve as your second in command or as your tactician. I respectfully request permission to be relieved of my duties.”

Optimus was astounded. His slack jaw hidden behind his face mask he closed it promptly and frowned his irritation building. “Permission denied.” He rubbed his optics tiredly.

“This base, those mechs out there need your strength and your ability to see through any given situation and provide them with solutions now more than ever. I have every faith you’ll figure out how to stop the Decepticons and that way Jazz’s death won’t have been in vain.” His voice was low, commanding, annoyed as he addressed his stunned officer. “We are all suffering the loss of Jazz. Don’t you think I blame myself too? I am his commander the decision ultimately rested with me so don’t you dare think for a second you’re alone in this Prowl. We all wish there was something more that we could have done, but the fact of the matter is that Jazz is gone and no amount of wallowing in your own perceptions of failure is going to change that. I expected more from you.”

“Sir I...”

“Don’t Prowl, just don’t.” Optimus turned to leave pausing to cast Prowl a scowl. “Enough is enough. I expect to see you at Jazz’s memorial.” With that he left the room. Prowl stared after him his face a picture of shock and guilt. How could he have been so blind and selfish?

****

All the mechs had gathered in the rec room, most were solemn; some were talking quietly amongst themselves over high grade. Optimus thought it was time, standing he managed to get their attentions with a slight raising of his hands. The room fell silent as the mechs watched their leader expectantly.

Optimus glanced around the room sadly, holding optics with each mech there. His gaze fell finally on the door, Prowl stood apart from everyone else, energon cube in hand Optimus cast him a sad smile as his SIC inclined his head subtly in acknowledgement.

“We’re all friends here.” Optimus began softly. “We’ve been fighting this war for a long time, we’ve lost friends before and we’ll undoubtedly lose friends again. That does not mean that each and every one of their deaths was meaningless. Quite the opposite. I am glad that Ratchet organised this gathering, it will give us chance to remember all of our fallen comrades most recently our good friend and a loyal soldier, Jazz. May he be one with the matrix now.” Optimus raised his energon cube as everyone responded in kind. “To Jazz and missing friends.”

The room murmured in agreement as they all shared in the sad toast. “Does anyone have anything they want to say?” The ‘bots shifted amongst themselves.

“I wish to say something...” Optimus and Ratchet glanced up in surprise as Prowl came forward. He was clearly the last mech anyone expected to speak up given the looks of surprise on their faces.

“I’m not particularly good at such things but I wanted to convey what Jazz meant...” He dipped his head slightly. “Means to me.” He glanced up at the listeners and felt nervous, taking a deep intake he continued.

“Jazz was my opposite in almost every way. He was a patient and in my case a very tolerant friend, one that I greatly underappreciated while he was here.” Prowl paused, trying to regain control of the faint tremor in his voice. He felt Ratchet give his arm a small squeeze. “What I mean to say is that Jazz could light up a room without even trying. He was always willing to help, even if that help entailed assisting with various pranks.”

The twins grinned slightly and ducked their heads, glancing up at Prowl returning the small, sad smile.

“I have lost my... my closest friend.” Prowl ducked his head slightly. “He will be sorely missed.” Prowl sipped his energon cube moving to set himself apart from the crowd once more as they all murmured their agreement.

Blaster spoke up from the back of the room. “I know what Jazz would say if he were here.” He gave them all a wide grin and turned on some music. “We got to remember the good times, or we’ll forget why we’re fighting.”

Optimus nodded as he watched the mechs mingle and laugh as they shared fond memories of Jazz and others that they had lost. “This was a good thing you did Ratchet.” He murmured gently to the white and red mech standing beside him.

“It’s one of my better moments I have to admit.” Ratchet smirked as Optimus quirked an optic ridge at him. He shrugged. “Looks like Ironhide could use some company; I better keep an optic on him in case he decides to get fragged on high grade again.”

Optimus rolled his optics at the thought. “Please do.”

“Optimus.” Ratchet glanced between his leader and the quiet form of Prowl lurking in the far corner. “You should talk to him.”

Optimus sighed. “I’ve tried Ratchet; he doesn’t want anything from me.”

Ratchet frowned. “Are you sure?”

“It’s what he said.”

“Is it what you want?”

“Doesn’t matter what I want, he’s expressed his wish I have to respect that.”

Ratchet nodded slowly. “You know even the greatest tactical minds can sometimes be wrong when it comes to dealing with themselves.”

Optimus sighed and cast an irritated glare at his medic. “Do you ever quit Ratchet?”

The white and red mech smirked. “Only when I get my own way.”

Optimus shook his head at the retreating back before heading over to Prowl, who watched him as he approached.

“Thank you for coming Prowl.” He started, breaking the tension between them.

A small smile crossed Prowl’s lips. “I felt it was time that I stopped acting like an immature youngling.” He took a sip of his energon. “I apologise for the way I have been treating you Optimus. It hasn’t been fair and I want to assure you it has been entirely out of character on my part. I just don’t feel that I could enter...”

Optimus held up his hand. “It’s alright Prowl, you don’t have to explain yourself. After all this isn’t about us.” He gestured to the room, resting his back against the wall beside his SIC. “It’s about them.”

Prowl nodded in agreement as they watched the gathering unfold cheerfully a comfortable silence passing between them.

After almost an entire cycle Prowl decided it was time to take his leave. He excused himself from Optimus’s company albeit rather reluctantly and headed for his quarters. A pair of narrowed optics watched him leave.

Ironhide fidgeted, he was angry, upset and had nowhere or no one to vent his rage at. He swigged the last few mouthfuls of his high grade and weaved his way through the crowd to the exit.

****

Prowl headed much more slowly to his quarters than usual. He didn’t particularly want to be alone, but was too damned proud to ask for company from the one mech he knew wouldn’t refuse him. He let out a small sigh, his door wings twitching as he sensed someone following him.

“Leaving early Prowl?” Ironhide’s gruff voice pierced the silence of the hallway. Prowl stopped and glanced over his shoulder.

“I’m afraid so Ironhide, I am feeling rather tired as of late. Can I help you with something.”

Ironhide stomped his way over to him, Prowl could tell instantly that Ironhide was close to overcharged on high grade. He drew back warily as the large red mech jabbed a finger into his chest.

“It’s all your fault you know that?” He growled baring his dentals.

“Ironhide please, you’re overcharged and upset ooofff...” Prowl grunted and let out a gasp as he was slammed into the wall, strong hands gripping his collar fairings tightly, his door wings scraping along the rough metal bulkhead sharply. Prowl let out a hiss of pain as his doorwings were forced to part against the wall painfully as Ironhide leaned in with his full weight.

“Don’t pull that slag with me, you sparkless glitch!” He barked loudly. “Jazz’s death was your fault and you fraggin’ well know it!”

Prowl could only stare at him his face a mixture of shock, pain and now anger. “What would you have me do?” He snarled, the anger winning out. “The order was given, Jazz knew the risks just like he knew them every time he went on a mission.”

Ironhide’s face contorted with rage he let out a cry of anger and flung Prowl bodily onto the floor and without thinking lashed out with a vicious kick. His powerful leg made solid contact with Prowl’s mid section causing him to cry out loudly in pain as he doubled over on the floor. His doorwings flapped as he tried to pick himself up. Getting to his knees he glared at Ironhide.

“I gave him the option to back out, he refused.”

“You don’t even slaggin’ care! It should have been you! Come to think of it all these strange insights the ‘cons are having only started happening when you were dropped off by the seekers.”

Ironhide loomed over Prowl and grabbed him by the throat bringing his face close to his own. “That’s tellin’ me that maybe you’re our spy.” His voice was low, dangerous. “Been passing information to those Primus cursed seekers have ya Prowl?” He spat the words out venomously as Prowl’s optics widened at the accusation.

“What?... No... I would never...”

“How do we know that? You were gone for a real long time doin’ who knows what with the ‘cons. Seems just a little too convenient don’t ya think Prowl... or were you just giving yourself up to be their plaything in exchange for our secrets?”

“Watch your tongue.” Prowl seethed his voice barely a low growl desperately trying to maintain some iota of control over his growing anger.

“Answer me!!” Ironhide roared his fist swung round colliding with Prowl’s face as he tried to pick himself up off the floor. He fell back to the floor with a crunch energon seeping from the wound in his face plates.

“Get up!” Ironhide screamed at him, now only able to see through his high grade fuelled rage. “Get up and face me... show me how much of an emotionless bastard you are... a collaborator with ‘cons. Did you take spike Prowl or were you just an all round pleasurebot selling out your friends for a quick frag?!”

Ironhide didn’t see the fist coming and found himself on his aft dazed. Prowl’s air intakes were deep as he beared down on the red mech, his doorwings flared out making him look all the more menacing. Ironhide couldn’t remember ever actually being afraid of another ‘bot until now, when suddenly Prowl turned on his heel and walked away from him. He rushed to his feet and charged at the black and white mech sending them both crashing to the floor.

****

Ratchet glanced up as he heard shouting and witnessed some of the other mechs racing out of the room. //Optimus I think we have a problem.//

The medic raced to the scene of commotion his jaw dropping to the floor at what they found. Ironhide was hurling abuse and profanities at the mechs gripping onto his arms dragging him off the severely battered SIC who was curled up on the floor attempting to shield himself from the heavy blows. He kicked out and struggled.

“What not fighting back Prowl!? Is that because I’m fraggin’ right about you!!? Ack...Get off me!!” He snarled. “So willing to get fucked by the ‘cons that you’re too ashamed to stand up for yourself?!” He managed to squirm free and attacked Prowl once more. Prowl yelped in pain as he viciously yanked back his doorwings. He clawed at his own back as Ironhide continued his tirade of abuse. “Was fucking the seekers good for you Prowl? Was it worth it?!” He hissed darkly landing another punch into the back of Prowl’s head.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Optimus roared grabbing Ironhide’s arm as he went to strike Prowl once more. Ironhide stared up at his leader, his mere presence shaking him from his overcharged rage, he glanced around him at the horrified faces and felt himself begin to shake.

“Optimus I...”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Prime thrust him aggressively into Mirage’s and Red Alert’s arms. “Take him to the brig.” He glared at the rest of them who averted their optics shamefully. “Dismissed!” He bellowed.

Ratchet knelt beside Prowl, who was trembling on the floor, unable to lift himself up. He cursed himself for the shaking, his tanks feeling like they were going to purge. The attack had been so reminiscent of what the seekers had done he found himself having flashbacks once more. Despite himself he let out a faint gasp of a moan.

Optimus crouched down glancing at his medic. He laid a gentle hand on Prowl’s back. His SIC winced at the touch.

“I need to get you to the med bay.”

“No! It’s superficial. I just need to get to my quarters... please...” Prowl whispered. Ratchet cast a look at his leader who nodded. They helped him to his feet. He bit back a cry of pain as one of them brushed his now overly sensitive door panels.

“Please... please excuse me...”

They watched the stubborn mech walk away from them slowly before he stumbled slightly and fell into the bulkhead. Optimus was beside him at an instant; he took hold of Prowl’s arm and slipped a strong arm around Prowl’s waist. Prowl scowled at him. “Don’t argue. Or I’ll carry you to the med bay myself. Up to you which you think is more dignified.” Optimus rumbled giving his SIC a sidelong look tinged with faint mirth.

Prowl gave in. “The med bay is closer, it is only logical.” His tone was dry despite his injuries.

“Humph...Nothing to do with me being fraggin’ right of course... as usual.” Ratchet grumbled walking on the other side of Prowl.

****

Ironhide managed to apologise to his superior once he’d finally managed to corner him in the monitor room after solar cycles of having the tactician expertly avoiding him. Tensions however remained high on the base and the accusations seemed to have a debilitating effect on Prowl’s self confidence and temperament.

The twins bore the brunt of his short temper more than once and found themselves in the brig frequently for minor infractions and having to - in once instance – rely on Red Alert to release them after Prowl had subsequently forgotten about them in his distracted state.

Prowl returned once again to his isolation, only coming out for energon or for duty shifts or meetings. Ironhide for his part kept his head down after being severely reprimanded by Prime and busied himself doing the menial duties out of guilt. He was still angry but truly felt sorry that he’d taken it out on Prowl after everything.

The atmosphere was thick with tension throughout the Ark. Relationships and trusts strained to the point of breaking as the Decepticons increased their attacks, getting bolder with each battle. The Autobots were coming apart at the seams just as Megatron had planned.
- 7
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