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Aventure Amoureuse	By : Baron Category: +M through R > Miraculous LadyBug Views: 5012 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction for adults. Miraculous Ladybug and its characters are not mine, and are the property of ZAG-inc. I make no profit from this and all characters are 18+.

Chapter List
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You continue to head towards Le Grand Paris on foot to rescue Adrien from Chloe. "Ouch! Why did that boy hit you, master?" Ziggy asks from inside your jacket pocket. "It's a long story. I went to hell and I thought his sister was a demon. You know, the usual stuff." you say as she politely hands you the aspirin bottle. You open the bottle and shake a mouthful of aspirin into your mouth and wash it down with the rum. "Ugh. You're making MY liver hurt watching you do that." Plagg says as you continue walking. "I just got hit in the skull with a guitar! Cut me some slack, Plagg!" you say as you return the items to your coat before walking into the street and getting hit from behind by a speeding car sending you tumbling over the hood. "Just the prick I wanted to see! I've been looking everywhere for you!" you hear Lt. Raincomprix say as you roll off of the hood. The large police officer picks you up off the ground and holds you by your jacket collar. He gives you a wide toothy grin before breaking your nose with a headbutt. "Ah! Yew mudder fugger! Yew broke by fuggin' dose!" you shout as you hold your nose. "Consider it a preview of what the inmates at La Santé are going to do to you. They'd LOVE a nice little piece of foreign ass like you to play with." he says as he slams you onto the hood of his car. You cough and spit blood onto the hood of the white patrol car. "Vandalizing municipal property? Look at how you've defaced my car!" Lt. Raincomprix says as he pulls out his baton and slams it into the back of your head before pulling your arms behind your back. "Fugg off- (snorts) Fuck off, pig!" you say as you snort blood up your nose and spit it onto his windshield. "I'm going to enjoy taking you in. I think a full cavity search is in order for a piece of slime like you!" he says as you as he pulls out his handcuffs. "You owe me one!" Plagg whispers to you before flying between your legs and squeezing the trigger on Lt. Raincomprix's sidearm. The gun discharges into his foot making the officer sceam in pain and grab his wounded foot. You waste no time grabbing his baton and shattering his nose with it as a receipt for your broken nose. You boot the officer in the jaw with your steel-toe boot and pull his handgun from his holster. "Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes... he eats you." you say as you point Lt. Raincomprix's gun between his eyes and cock the hammer. "No! Remember what my master said! We're not murderers!" Plagg reminds you from inside your jacket pocket. "Lucky for you, my boyfriend is a good guy. I certainly am not." you grin at him before smashing him in the forehead with his pistol knocking him out. "Was that a police officer? What on Earth did you do?" Ziggy says sounding worried. "At this point, what HAVEN'T I done?" you say as you pocket the 9mm Glock and enter the patrol car. "You're stealing a police car? This isn't normally how superheroes operate!" Ziggy says as you start the car. "I'm not stealing it, he hit me with it. Therefore it's technically mine." you say as you run over Lt. Raincomprix and drive toward Le Grand Paris. "What kind of logic is that?" Plagg asks you. "Anything that attacks me is mine to do with as I please. It seems very fair and quite biblical to me. Eye for an eye type of shit, you know." you say as you snort up blood and spit it out of the driver's side window. "Wait, doesn't the Bible also mention something about forgiveness and turning the other cheek?" Ziggy asks. "I dunno. All the stuff I learned about the Bible I learned from those Christopher Walken movies where he played an angel. But you're right, I should have mooned him." you say as you see several patrol cars in your rearview mirror. "That's NOT what turning the other cheek means!" Ziggy replies. "I don't have time to play Davey and Goliath with you right now, Ziggy! I have to save Adrien's cheeks before Chloe stretches them out too far!" you say as you stick your arm out of the window and give the pursuing officers the Irish peace sign as you speed though the streets. "Flipping them off won't make them stop chasing you, you know." Plagg says as he folds his paws. "You're right. Better work the pedals for me." you say as you toss Plagg onto the accelerator pedal and step on him. "Ow! You crazy human!" Plagg screams as he pushes the pedal down and you grab the shotgun from the dashboard of the patrol car. "Is this the sort of thing you normally do?" Ziggy asks as she covers her eyes as you swerve around a corner. "No, this is the first time I ever sat in the front seat of one of these things. Usually I'm all cramped up in the back." you say as you stick your upper body out of the window and blow out the front tire of one of the pursuing officer's patrol cars with a shotgun blast. "Hey, there's that boy that hit you with his guitar! Are you getting revenge on him too?" Ziggy asks as Luka crosses the street in front of you and Plagg pushes down the accelerator. "No. Believe it or not, Luka is my friend. He was just angry at me. I'll get payback on him later, but I won't hurt him. He's too cute to splatter all over the windshield." you say as you swerve around Luka spooking him as he screams and flips you off.
"Please slow down! I'm immortal, not invincible!" Ziggy says as she covers her eyes. "Relax, goat girl! I know what I'm doing!" you say as Ladybug stands in the middle of the road holding her hand up signaling for you to stop. "Is that Ladybug? Oh, dear!" Ziggy says as she covers her eyes again. "Plagg! Hit the brakes! The other pedal! The other pedal!" you say as the patrol car knocks Ladybug down and runs her over. "I can't look! What happened?!" Ziggy asks as she continues to cover her eyes. "Uh... we hit a bug. It was kind of a big one." you say as you look in the rearview mirror and see Ladybug get up and dust herself off. "Oh, dear! She's going to get you for that, isn't she?" Ziggy says as she looks behind you. "Probably, and she hits REALLY hard too!" you sigh as your tires squeal around a corner. You lean out of the car again and point your shotgun out of the window when something yanks you out of it. "Going somewhere?" Viperion asks you as he headbutts you in your broken nose. "Gaa! What the fuck, Viperion? I thought we were friends?" you say as you spit blood into the alley as the patrol cars speed past you. "I can't let you hurt Adrien. Luka told me everything!" he says as he punches you. "You don't understand, Viperion! Adrien isn't my enemy anymore! He's my fiance!" you tell him as he kicks you in the ribs. "Do you think I'm fucking stupid? I know all about your history with him, I was in the bar the other night and witnessed it myself! Fiance, ha! Fucking liar!" Viperion says as he kicks you in the face. "Damnit, Viperion! Don't make me be the villain!" you say as you blast him in the chest with your shotgun knocking him down as you run away. You remember what Chat Noir told you: Their suits are bulletproof, but the heroes aren't. Viperion will live. "That's attempted murder!" he shouts at you as he clutches his chest and you run down the street.
"You should use me. Use me NOW!" Ziggy says as she flies up to you. "Ziggy, hide! There's too many people around! I can't transform now! Where's Plagg?" you say to the kwami. "I'm in the dumpster! Can you believe someone threw out a perfectly good half can of camembert? It's really runny too!" Plagg says from inside of the dumpster. "Ugh. How can you tell the difference? It smells spoiled when it's fresh!" you say as you keep a lookout for cops. "You have no taste. Camembert is delicious!" he argues as you hear him chew noisily and a cord wraps around your neck and pulls you up into the air strangling you. "We need to have some dialogue, foreigner." Ladybug says as she tightens her yo-yo around your neck. "I don't have time to talk! I have to save Adrien!" you gasp as you put your thumb under the wire to prevent you from being strangled. "Do I look like an idiot to you? I know you! You HATE Adrien!" Ladybug says as she punches you in the face as you hang from the roof. "That was before! We made up! We're engaged, look!" you say as you show her your engagement ring. "A skull ring? Adrien wouldn't give you something like that, he has class! Liar!" she says as she kicks you. "Damnit, Ladybug! I'm telling you the truth! I love Adrien!" you plead with her. "You must have no respect for me if you're going to lie to my face like that. I thought we were friends! I let you see me naked!" Ladybug says as she swings you into a water tower on the rooftop smashing it open and drenching you in water. "Damn you, Ladybug! Why doesn't anyone believe me?" you say as you pump the shotgun and pull the trigger as it makes a wet clicking noise. "Your guns are wet. Advantage: Ladybug." she says as she punches you off the roof onto a vegetable cart. The vendor shouts French profanities at you as you pull yourself out of their squashed merchandise. You continue limping along trying to escape two superheroes and the entire Paris PD. "You need to use me right now! Go into the alley before you get yourself killed! Nobody will recognize you if you're Caprikid!" Ziggy pleads with you noticing your severe injuries. "Fine, give me a second! Did you say Caprikid? That's a stupid name!" you say as several cops riddle your arms and legs with 9mm bullets. "There won't be anything left of them to save my master at this rate!" Plagg says sounding worried as you shuffle down the street wincing from excruciating pain.
"Quickly! This way! I'm your only chance!" Ziggy shouts from a nearby alley. You throw your useless shotgun at the cops and limp into the alley where no one can see you. "Ziggy! Horns!" you say as the kwami bonds with you and transforms you into Caprikid. "Hello, Satan. I love your music." Plagg giggles as he admires your horns. "Pleased to meet you, Plagg. Hope you guessed my name." you say as you stuff the kwami in your pocket and vault yourself onto the rooftops with your spear. You run and jump across the rooftops as you think about all the times you watched Chat Noir do this exact same thing. The police and superheroes won't recognize you in your disguise so you have a better chance of rescuing Adrien now. Only he can help you sort this mess out. Ladybug and Viperion want to kick your ass all over Paris, but he can explain to them what happened. The police are a different story. They still want you for grand theft auto and the attempted murder of an officer, not to mention the illegal arsenal you carry around. "Are you alright? Are you going to be able to save my master in your condition?" Plagg asks you as you spit out blood and continue running. "I don't really have much of a choice, do I? I'd save your master even if I had to crawl over broken glass and razor blades. Don't worry, Plagg. Adrien will be home in time for supper." you say as Viperion jumps onto the roof and blocks your path. "Who are you? You didn't happen to see anyone with a biker jacket and a shotgun around here, did you? I'm looking for them." Viperion says not recognizing you in your costume. "Me? I'm um... Caprikid." you sigh really hating your fucking moronic superhero name. "Caprikid? It sounds like a juice box or something." Viperion says stifling a snicker. "Yeah, I know it does. I'm not a Capri Sun, it's Caprikid. Trust me, I don't like it either." you explain to the snake boy as you look up to see flocks of pigeons in the shape of WWII bomber planes flying above Paris. "Oh, shit! Not this guy again!" Viperion says as he looks up at the pigeons. "What guy? What are you talking about? Do you have some sort of Nazi pigeons here or something? I would have expected geese to be honest." you say as you watch the pigeon planes fly overhead. "Ladybug, Mr. Pigeon is back. I need your help down here!" Viperion says as he contacts Ladybug on his harp. "I'll be right there. I lost the foreiner after they fell off the roof anyway. La PP shot them so I doubt they'll make it very far." Ladybug says as she ends the call. "Come on, we have to stop Mr. Pigeon! Ladybug and I could use the help!" Viperion says to you. "Um... look, I'd love to stay and play with your bird. However, I have something I have to take care of. It's kind of important." you tell the young hero as Ladybug swings onto the rooftop. "So you won't help us? Who's side are you on? Did Hawk Moth send you too?" Viperion asks you. "Two villains? Seems like a fair fight to me. Lucky for you, I can't get ahold of Chat Noir or it would be three on two." Ladybug says as Chat's phone goes to voicemail.
It appears that you have two choices: Save Paris, or save Adrien. You can't be in two places at once.
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Aventure Amoureuse