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Aventure Amoureuse	By : Baron Category: +M through R > Miraculous LadyBug Views: 5012 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction for adults. Miraculous Ladybug and its characters are not mine, and are the property of ZAG-inc. I make no profit from this and all characters are 18+.

Chapter List
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"Plagg, where is Adrien? What happened?" you ask the small kwami as you keep a lookout for people that might walk by and see him. "He's been kidnapped. Chloe has him. She's had a crush on him since she was a little girl and she couldn't help herself after she saw him naked in the alley." Plagg explains. "Wait, Chloe has him? Is that why she stabbed me?" you ask curiously. "You weren't stabbed, you talking baboon! You were tased! That's why you couldn't move. The electricity temporarily paralyzed your muscles." Plagg informs you. "A taser? Why would she tase me?" you ask as you lift the back of your shirt and examine the two small puncture wounds on your lower back. "She didn't tase you. She was too busy groping your fiance's private parts." Plagg says as he folds his paws and floats in midair. "I don't understand." you reply as you rub your back. "Think about it: Who would use a taser on you? Who frequently carries non-lethal weapons around?" Plagg asks you. "I don't know... single women maybe? I'm not really sure what kind of people buy tasers and what people don't." you guess as you attempt to solve the kwami's riddle. "Single women would I suppose, and you're partially correct. But what single woman do you know that hangs out with Chloe AND has access to police equipment?" Plagg says as he flies around your head. "The cop's daughter! That ugly girl that looks like a redhaired Woody Allen!" you say confidently. "Very good! You're not as stupid as I thought you were! Her name is Sabrina by the way." Plagg reminds you. "Sabrina tased me?" you ask Plagg. "Sabrina tased the FUCK out of you! You should have seen your face! It was pretty funny before they threw my master Into the trunk of their car and drove off. Admittedly, I did have a nice chuckle about that too. However, playtime is over! He can't transform into Chat Noir without me. He's naked, defenseless, and scared! It's up to YOU to go and rescue him, or no more Chat Noir, no more fiance, and no more of that weird thing he does with his tongue that prompts you to make those gross moaning noises!" Plagg tells you. "Oh, yeah. I love it when he does that." you say as you bite your lip and sigh. "Will you focus, please? This isn't the time to think about your naughty bits! This is a time for action!" Plagg says getting annoyed with you. "Alright, fine. I can play with Adrien later, what am I supposed to do now? Where is he?" you ask the kwami. "Where do you think? They took him back to the hotel! Good luck getting in without a reservation though. Le Grand Paris is a very exclusive hotel and you're... well... you." Plagg says as he gestures to your dirty and wet clothes. "What about Jean? He could let me in!" you explain. "Jean is the mayor's employee. He's under strict orders to protect the hotel from Intruders (as well as other functions around the hotel), and he's not going to risk his cushy job for someone he met a week ago. Remember: He's an old soldier. His orders take priority over his friendships. He WILL kill you if he has to, whether he likes it or not." Plagg elaborates. "Fuck, and he's some sort of French special forces guy. I remember Adrien was scared shitless of him." you remember from yesterday's parade. "Correct. Jean was a SOC commander when he was in the military. He's retired now, but old soldiers never die." Plagg informs you. "Can't I just take you to the hotel, and let you turn Adrien into Chat Noir and escape? You can fly through walls, can't you?" you ask him curiously. "That's a good plan for a talking ape, but it's got two flaws: I just changed back from being Chat Noir, I need camembert before I'm strong enough to do it again. I'm too weak to transform right now. Also, if my master is gagged (or if his mouth is full), he can't change into Chat Noir. He has to say: Plagg! Claws out! to be able to transform. I suppose you could get me some camembert and I could use the cataclysm myself to save him, but that's not such a good idea either." Plagg says as he helps you devise a plan. "You can use the cataclysm? Why don't we just do that then? You could bust a hole in the building and I can go find Adrien! Jean will probably be distracted by all the commotion as well." you explain to the kwami thinking the plan is solid. "Oh, no! Master Fu will be furious if I use my power! Listen, there's a reason why kwami's use humans and make them into superheroes. Humans act like a filter on one of your cigarettes, or watered-down alcohol at a bar. Our powers need to be diluted or they're too powerful. This is especially true with my power of destruction! If I use my powers without a human, bad things tend to happen. Really bad things!" Plagg tells you with a very serious look. "What kinds of bad things?" you ask him curiously. "Ok, here goes: Do you remember Atlantis? Or the dinosaurs?" Plagg asks you. "Yeah, the dinosaurs went extinct. It was an asteroid or something, right? And isn't Atlantis fictional?" you ask the kwami. "Nope. You're wrong on both counts. I used my powers without another living being to filter them. The power of destruction was FAR too strong. I accidentally sunk the most technologically advanced continent on planet Earth, and I accidentally rewrote the evolution of the entire planet. You know that humans were originally intended to be a race of advanced highly-intelligent reptiles, right? Not chattering emotional hairy primates! When the dinosaurs died, the mammals took over. After a few million years, poof! Humans." Plagg explains as your jaw drops. "You're fucking with me! You're not responsible for the death of the dinosaurs, and Atlantis was just a story!" you argue with the ancient being. "You think I'm joking, mortal? I was attempting to move a boulder out of my path and ended up accidentally punching a hole into the Earth's core by accident! The dust cloud blocked out the sun for centuries and all the dinosaurs died from the cold! When I was in Atlantis, I got locked in a closet and tried to break down the door. I um... kinda sunk their entire civilization by accident. Oops." Plagg grins looking quite guilty. "Hang on... you sunk an entire continent and all you have to say is oops?!" you ask as your eyes widen. "I didn't sink it on purpose! It was an accident! I only killed a few hundred thousand people, no biggie. Humans reproduce rather quickly, no harm done." Plagg scoffs as he folds his paws. "No biggie? If what you say is true, then you set back human progress by thousands of years! Not to mention the poor fuckers who drowned with the island! Was Pompeii your doing too?" you say to the kwami. "You're not going to get after me for Pompeii too, are you? I'm sorry! I sneezed! I'm allergic to sulphur!" Plagg says defensively. "This is a lot to take in, Plagg. I need a moment to digest this." you say as you sit down. "We don't have time for you to sit around and contemplate human history! We have to rescue my master!" Plagg reminds you. "Then use me as your human filter! Can't I become Chat Noir and save Adrien?" you ask him. "That's a good plan in theory, but I still need to recharge and you DON'T posses the Miraculous of destruction! My master is wearing it, and I'm pretty sure that's all he's wearing." Plagg explains to you as you bite your lip. "Mmm... naked Adrien." you grin as you drift off into several dirty fantasies. "Will you calm your hormones? There won't be anymore naked fun with my master if you don't go and rescue him! Is any of this getting through to you? Hello?" Plagg says as he claps his paws in your face to get your attention. "Mmm... yeah. I love it when you touch me there... Huh? What? I'm sorry, Plagg. Did you say something?" you say as you snap out of your filthy daydream. "I really miss the dinosaurs. I never had to deal with this kind of shit with them." Plagg says as he facepaws in frustration.
"Ok, try to pay attention! We need to rescue your fiance and reunite me with him! I'm not supposed to be away from the ring of destruction for long, and his ring is useless without me! I need YOU to go and get him. I'm sure he'll (yuck!) reward you for saving him as well. Nasty ass fucking primates!" Plagg grumbles. "Alright, I'll go save him! How am I supposed to get inside without a reservation?" you ask the kwami. "How the hell should I know? He's your fiance, you figure it out! I already told you who took him and where they were probably going! I did my part. What kind of half-assed hero are you anyway?" Plagg says as he puts his paws on his hips. "You're right. I'm pretty good at figuring out problems under stressful situations. You picked the right person for the job." you say as you crack your knuckles. "No, dumbass! I picked you because you're the only person in Paris that knows who Chat Noir is! Well... you and Master Fu of course." Plagg reminds you. "That's it! Fire! I mean... Fu! We can go see Master Fu and explain what happened. He's pretty smart, maybe he knows how to get into the hotel!" you grin as the idea strikes you. "Now you're using that head of yours for more than a hatrack and my master's fuck hole! We should go to see Master Fu. He can help us, and he probably has some yummy camembert for me too!" Plagg says as he licks his lips. "Then it's settled. We'll go visit Master Fu and see if he can help us. We'll go get your repulsive cheese while we're there and hopefully he still has some of that baijiu left." you explain as you open your duffel bag for the kwami. "This is no time to get drunk, we have to save my master!" Plagg protests. "I'm not going to drink it... much. I mainly want to see how flammable it is! I've got an idea of how to get into the hotel." you explain. "Ugh. Did anyone ever tell you that you get a really weird look in your eye sometimes?" Plagg shudders as he flies into your bag. "Yeah, I get that a lot actually." you say as you zip Plagg inside of your duffel bag and run back out into the streets.
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Aventure Amoureuse