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Aventure Amoureuse	By : Baron Category: +M through R > Miraculous LadyBug Views: 5014 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction for adults. Miraculous Ladybug and its characters are not mine, and are the property of ZAG-inc. I make no profit from this and all characters are 18+.

Chapter List
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Chat Noir breathes heavily as he bolts across the rooftops carrying you on his back. His eyes are wide and almost tearful with panic. Chat Noir had a phobia of public nudity and he was trying to make it home before that happened. His ring beeps and flashes as another footpad disappears from the pawprint making him squeal in terror as you tightly cling to him. You feel his toned body as you hold him, he's tense and very frightened. "Chaton, why did you use your cataclysm? You could have just pulled me or shoved me out of the way." you ask the young hero as he whimpers in fear. "I don't know! I don't know! It was a reflex I think! I'm so used to using it that I wasn't thinking! I forgot I wasn't supposed to use it!" he shrieks as he runs faster. "Baby, calm down! It's going to be alright, I promise! Just relax!" you say as you attempt to rub his shoulders, but he's too tense. His muscles feel like little boulders under his catsuit. "I can't! I can't! Everyone will see me! This is bad! This is so bad!" he says with dread in his voice. His ring flashes and beeps again as another footpad disappears making him even more tense. "Baby, just put me down. I can walk the rest of the way, and I won't weigh you down! I can meet you at home, just make sure I have a safe path to the trellis." you explain as you try to wiggle off his shoulders. "No! I'm not going to make it! It's too embarrassing! I need you! I can't be naked in Paris alone!" Chat replies as he trembles and grips you tighter. Chat Noir is strong, and if he wants you to stay you're staying. "At least calm down, my love! I'll stay with you, but I need you to calm down before you blow a gasket or something!" you say as you watch him fly across the rooftops on his staff jumping and sliding under various obstacles. "I can't! I can't!" he says as you feel his heartbeat thudding against you rapidly as you feel his chest. His ring beeps and flashes again as another footpad disappears. Only one remains. "Chat, get off the roof or you'll be stuck up here and have to call Ladybug or the fire department to get you down!" you explain as he shivers with fear and jumps down into an alleyway. "I screwed up! I really screwed up!" he says as he tromps through puddles and runs faster. "Chaton, please stop! Please calm down!" you shout as he trips and skids across the alley. "No! No! No! I don't have time!" he panics as you grab his waist before turning onto your back and holding him tightly knowing the young hero was terrified and out of time. "Baby, stop! It's over! We'll make it home! You're going to make your heart explode!" you say as you grip him tightly trying to prevent the powerful young hero from struggling free. "No! I-I can make it! I can make it!!!" he protests as his ring beeps and flashes again and the pawprint completely disappears. You quickly shut your eyes tightly to prevent yourself from being blinded by the incoming blue flash. You can't see with your eyes shut, but you can feel his costume disappear from head to toe. It feels like when you shuffle a deck of cards. You can feel a ripple from top to bottom as his tight costume is replaced by skin. Chat Noir lets out a frightened scream and quickly covers himself as you lay on your back in a puddle and hold him on your chest. You were both facing the same direction pointing skyward. Chat Noir had turned back into Adrien Agreste and was wearing nothing except the worn leather jacket you gave him before you left his house and absolutely nothing else. "Care to explain this one to me, lovebirds?" Plagg says as he floats above you both with his paws folded.
"P-Plagg, don't look! Go float somewhere else!" Adrien says as he trembles on top of you. " Oh, calm down. I've seen your stubby little peg plenty of times. It looks like any other peg I've seen, give or take some length." Plagg chuckles as he floats above Adrien. "Stop it! Stop it! Shut up!!!" Adrien says quivering in fear. "Baby? Can you get off of me, please? I think you're crushing my cigarettes... and also my spine!" you say as you release your grip on him and he tumbles off of your chest landing face down into the puddle next to you. "This water is v-very cold!" he says as you pull him closer and kiss him as you both lay in the puddle. "I swear you humans are disgusting. Rolling around in a filthy alleyway sloshing around in a dirty puddle. You better hope that puddle is water if you catch my drift. There's a lot of hobos in Paris." Plagg says as he floats above you. "Hmm... nah, I'm pretty sure it's water. With a slight hint of motor oil." you say as you scoop your hand across the puddle and taste it. "Did you just taste it?! You humans are repulsive!" Plagg says as he gags and sticks out his tongue. "Ugh. Don't worry, I'm going to pay for it later. There's definitely motor oil in there." you say as you belch up a shiny rainbow-colored oil bubble making Adrien laugh a little bit. "Are you laughing at me, babe?" you smile at your frightened bottomless lover. "M-Maybe a little bit." he says as he shyly hides his smile behind your arm and looks at you with his pretty green eyes. "Come on, squirt. Let's get you home." you say as you sit up and wipe some of the water off of yourself purposely splashing Adrien with it making him laugh a little more and roll over to splash you back. "Don't call me squirt!" the young hero says as he splashes you again. "Squirt! Squirt! Squirt!" you tease him as you wrestle and thrash around in the water getting each other soaking wet and horny. "I swear to the creator if you two nasty apes have sex in that dirty puddle!" Plagg scolds you both as you ignore him and Adrian straddles you and pins you down. "You've got me right where you want me. Now what are you going to do?" you smirk at him before the dripping wet model kisses your lips. "Bad human! No puddle!" Plagg says as he whacks Adrien in his head with a rolled-up newspaper he found in the alley. "OW! Stop it, Plagg! I was starting to have fun!" Adrien says as he rubs his head.
"Get out of the puddle, you filthy pigs!" Plagg scolds you as Adrien gets up and grips your wrist before pulling you back to your feet. You stumble over to the model and push them against the brick wall kissing them deeply and massaging their wet body. "W-We should probably get back b-before we get caught or catch cold." Adrien says as you gently rub his exposed penis and roughly bite his neck. "Let's play first. I want to get dirty before we go home and wash up." you growl at him as you pull his jacket down trapping his arms in the sleeves. "Mmm... sounds like fun to me, baby." a woman's voice behind you says. "Babe! Look out!" Adrien says as his eyes widen and something metal and sharp sticks into your back. The last thought that goes through your head before you lose consciousness is that you've been stabbed. You hear women mumbling and Adrian screaming. Whatever hit you, hit you hard. You couldn't move your arms or legs and hit your head hard on the way down. It felt like a sharp jolt of pain after the initial stab in your lower back. You hear women giggling as everything fades to black.
You awaken in the dirt. More specifically, it's a lot of dirt. As far as you can see in any direction was nothing but brown dirt like an ocean of soil. You groggily get back to your feet and look around. You had no idea of which direction to travel in, and the only light source was an enormous full moon against a starless black sky. "Where the fuck am I? I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore, Toto." you chuckle to yourself as you trudge through the soft soil. You look up at the gigantic moon as you walk and become entranced by it as if it was beckoning you to come and be a part of it. "What's up with this moon? It's far too big to be the Earth's moon. Where am I?" you ask aloud hoping someone or something would hear you. Your only response is the sound of a soft breeze and the sound of your own boots stomping through an endless sea of soft soil. You walk until you can't walk anymore and collapse from exhaustion after walking for hours. You might as well have never even bothered taking a single step, you seemed to be exactly where you started from. You lay on your stomach in the dirt and wait for your death or perhaps some sort of eternal punishment for your deeds. This was obviously hell, and you must have died when you were stabbed. You never even got to kiss Chat Noir goodbye. Was this really going to be the end of the road? It seemed so abrupt and anticlimactic. It felt pretty real, maybe this is just what death was like. No angels, no demons, no flying plates of pasta, just dirt and the moon. Forever. You expected hell to be a little more lively. You always assumed it would be full of hookers and metal bands. Maybe play some chess with the reaper, perhaps brunch with a cenobite, or smoke some pot with Pol Pot. There was nothing like that here. No drugs or casinos and this was way to dirty to confuse with Heaven. This was obviously some sort of personal hell. The symbolism seemed strange for you though. You liked the moon, but the dirt made no sense. You showered and were a fairly clean person most of the time. You close your eyes and await whatever was going to destroy you for next giga-annum.
"Regarde la lune." a gruff voice growls at you making your eyes snap open in terror. "What the fuck was that? I am in hell, aren't I?" you say as you snort dust out of your nostrils and push yourself up out of the dirt as you rest on your knees. You look around at the hopeless sea of dirt and lose all will to carry on any further. You were dead and you were never going to see Adrien ever again. You were in hell and there was no escape. Maybe it wasn't even hell, it could have just been the end of the universe. Either way, you were tired of failing your friends. You quietly reach into your jacket pocket and pull out your MAC50. You let out a sad sigh and say goodbye to Adrien and tell him you love him before putting the gun into your mouth and angling it toward your brain. Adrien couldn't hear you anyway. You pull back the hammer as you feel the gun rattle against your teeth as the bullet enters the chamber. You close your eyes and think about Paris one last time. You remember the food, and the wine, and the fireworks, the dancing, your lock at the Pont des Arts, how beautiful Adrien was, how you would have been his spouse and grown old with him, and how you were never going to see him again. You lost him forever. It would all be over in a flash. No more pain, no more heartbreak, no more disappointment. You steel yourself, straighten your body, and squeeze the trigger.
You hear laughter as nothing happens. Confused you squeeze the trigger again, maybe your ammo was wet from the puddle. Another laugh. You point the pistol at your temple and try again. You realize the laughter is coming from the gun itself. You look down the barrel and point it directly at your face as a puff of warm air comes out of the muzzle laughing in your face. You rummage through your bag for your Striker. You give it a pump and prop the shotgun under your chin and pull the trigger. The shotgun laughs also, but deeper. You pull a hand grenade out of the bag and yank out the pin with your teeth before dropping it in your lap. In a few seconds it detonates in your lap with a puff of warm air and a crowd of people laughing similar to a laugh track or a stand-up comedy show. "Fuck! It can't be THIS hard to kill yourself! Morons do it by accident all the time!" you shout in frustration. "I got it! Knives!" you chuckle as you feel your sanity begin to ebb away like blood from a puncture wound. You pull out your Spetsnaz ballistic knife and shove it into your jugular vein as hard as you can. The rubber knife bends with a small giggle like a Japanese geisha. You chuckle a little bit yourself finding this situation quite humorous. Your laughter continues getting louder and more maniacal until you're howling with psychotic laughter that soon turns into a terrified sceam. You stand up on your feet as you lose all your sanity. You cackle and scream as you sob uncontrollably. This MUST be hell and you were here forever. "STOP HIDING YOU COWARDS! FACE ME AND END THIS! WE HAVE ALL ETERNITY TO GET ACQUAINTED! WHY WAIT ANY LONGER? KILL ME!!!" you howl with ravenous insanity as you beg for death.
"Regarde la lune et sens mon pouvoir!" the voice growls at you again. "I don't fucking speak your language! What do you want from me?!" you sceam at the sky in complete insanity as you froth at the mouth like a rabid mad dog and gaze at the gigantic moon. A white flash consumes everything. The moon, the dirt, and you all disappear in an instant. You awaken on your back in what can only be described as a white plane. Not an airplane mind you, but a plane of existence. Similar to the sea of dirt was an endless plane of white light. Was this Heaven? You still didn't see any angels or anything. There was no choir music like in the movies. You kind of expected to at least see Whoopi Goldberg dressed like a nun or hear that Enigma song those monks used to sing. But no, it was more nothing. No demons, no cherubs, and not even a faint whiff of spaghetti. Not even a slice of garlic bread. Just white for as far as you can see until you sit up and see a naked blonde with their back turned to you. "A-Adrien? Are we dead? Is this Heaven? Did we make it here together, baby?" you ask as a smile cracks across your lips in what seems like the first time in millennia. The nude blonde doesn't answer you and remains facing away from you. "Adrien! It's me! Your amour! Nice outfit!" you chuckle happily but your smile soon fades to dread as he continues to stand there silently as if he were heaven's sentinel. "Adrien, what's wrong with you?" you ask as you stand back up onto your feet and approach your lover. "Come on, Adrien. This is no time for games, we have to get out of here!" you shout at the silent model. "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" you ask at you grab him by his shoulder and force him to turn around and face you. "Why didn't you save me?" the young model asks you with fear in his eyes as you watch his flawless skin begin to bubble and putrefy before rotting off his toned body. "Adrien? Holy shit! Adrien?! What's happening?" you ask as you watch his muscles and bones decay and crumble to the ground as your fiance disintegrates in front of your eyes. "NO! NOOOO!!!" you sceam as you attempt to pick up his maggot-filled bodyparts and reattach them to his crumbling bones. The attempt proves futile as you watch your lover rot into dust in your arms.
"Adrien, no! Just... just fucking end this!" you sob as you try to push the pile of dust back together. "I can't take this anymore! Make it stop!!!" you scream madly as you lost your sanity centuries ago. "Comme tu veux" a voice growls at you as the white plane splits apart like a box with no lid. The walls fall down revealing a pocked and cratered surface of white sand with a black starry sky. You notice a stiff and unmoving American flag that's faded and torn that looks very similar to the one from history books you've read, and realize that you're no longer on Earth but were standing on the moon. An enormous black wolf emerges from a crater and grunts "Viens à moi, mortel!" at you before bounding after you with an insatiable hunger for flesh. "Fuck whatever you just said!" you shout in fear as you run across the Sandy landscape in the opposite direction. You pull out your FN MAG and fire behind you as you run, but the French machine gun only laughs at the wolf finding your plight utterly hilarious. You rummage through your duffel bag and find the box of macaroons that Marinette gave you yesterday. You grip the box tightly in your hand and turn around and stop in your tracks. You heave the box into the face of the gigantic rampaging wolf as it harmlessly bounces off its nose. The wolf stops and sniffs the macaroons curiously before tilting its head and glaring at you. "It was worth a shot, ok?" you shrug at the confused wolf before kicking it in the nose and running away. The wolf quickly licks up the entire box of cookies before continuing its hunt for the main course... you. You continue running across the surface of the moon as the massive wolf begins to close the gap and gain ground on you. "Leave me alone! I'm just trying to get to grandma's house!" you shout as you look back and watch the wolf coming up behind you. You try desperately to outrun the wolf but it's easily the size of the Eiffel tower, and it runs much faster than your chain-smoking ass can run. You trip over a moon rock and fall but manage to turn over to a sitting position as you watch the wolf close in on you. The gigantic wolf opens its drooling, gaping, maw as it consumes everything you see. The moon, the sky, Adrien's corpse, and finally yourself. Your last words are a muffled scream as you are messily devoured.
You next hear the muffled voices of women. These must be the ones from before. Your vision is fuzzy. One girl looks like an angel. She appeared to be very kind and had short blonde hair and bulging blue eyes. Were you still dead? She looked a little short to be an angel. You see one all dressed in black with her face obstructed. Was she a demon? She was doing something to your face. You feel her touching your lips and looking into your eyes. You sucker punch her as hard as you can with your right hand. "Wait! No! Juleka was only trying to help! You weren't breathing!" the angel shouts as your eyes focus and you realize that the angel was actually Rose. You just slugged her girlfriend. Luka was going to be furious when he finds out you just decked his sister. "Juleka?" you ask curiously as Rose tends to her injured lover. "What the fuck did you hit me for? See if I ever give you CPR again! Fucking ingrate!" Juleka huffs as she spits out a molar and brushes her purple hair out of her face. "Oh, dear! Juleka, are you ok?" Rose asks as she rubs and kisses her girlfriend's cheek. "I'm sorry, Juleka. I thought you were a demon." you admit to her. "I'm gothic, you moron. We just LOOK like demons. Are you some kind of religious nutcase or something? What the fuck ails you?" Juleka sighs in frustration. "No, I'm not a religious nut. I literally thought you were a demon. I got stabbed and died. This is hell, right?" you ask as you look around the alley. "No, dickhead. It's France, but thank you for complimenting our country!" Juleka scoffs as she rubs her jaw. "Am I a ghost or something? Are you the spirit of Christmas past?" you ask as you shake the cobwebs out of your head. "No, I'm not the ghost of Christmas past. I'm afraid Tiny Tim and his ukulele shall go wanting." Juleka says sarcastically making Rose giggle. "What happened then? Why am I in this alley? Where's Adrien?" you ask the young lesbian couple. "I don't know what you're talking about. Adrien wasn't here. You were just laying on your face in the alley by yourself." Rose explains to you. "No, I was with Adrien. He was... eager to get home." you say as you look over at the brick wall and see the jacket he was wearing laying on the ground but there's no sign of your lover. Wherever he was, he was completely naked unless he made it home by himself. You feel the stab wound on your back and notice two small holes near your spine. "Juleka, listen. I'm really sorry. I didn't know it was you. I didn't mean to hit you, I swear!" you explain to the aggravated goth girl. "You're lucky my brother thinks you're cute or I'd rearrange your face with my stiletto." Juleka grumbles. "Juleka, don't be like that! It was an accident. You know how your temper raises your blood-pressure!" Rose scolds her. "Heh. You have one too!" you chuckle at Juleka's little mini-Adrien that's concerned for her health. "What are you talking about? Have one what?" Juleka asks in confusion. "A worry wart. I have a male one that wants me to quit smoking and cut down on meat!" you laugh at the coincidence. "Who Rose? Yeah, she's just overprotective of me. She won't even let me cut myself or do ecstasy anymore, what a drag." Juleka scoffs. "Ah, shit happens. Mine wants me to cut down on the booze and exercise or some damn thing." you say as you stand up and pick up Adrien's jacket. "Are you ok, now? We were so worried!" Rose says as she watches you stagger around the alley disoriented as you scoop up you duffel bag. "I'm fine now, Rose. Thank you, Juleka. I'm sorry I punched you, I really didn't mean it." you explain as you feel your duffel bag move. "It's alright, I understand. You were kind of out of it, just don't let it happen again or I'm going to shave your privates with a rusty chainsaw." Juleka scoffs as you unzip your bag and see Plagg hiding behind your hand grenades. "No problem. Listen, I gotta go. It's been nice talking to you both. Thanks for the CPR and the pleasant conversation. I'll see you ladies later!" you say as you quickly zip up your bag and walk out of the alley. You get to an area where you're alone and unzip the bag again.
"We've got problems. Big ones! We have to go rescue your fiance!" Plagg says as he flies out of your duffel bag.
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Aventure Amoureuse