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The Invader's Cookbook	By : FoxDragonKris Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2788 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Well, it took a bit longer than I was hoping to nock this one out, but here it is! And it’s the longest chapter yet! So I guess the extra length is some small consolation perhaps.
Mebbe.
Anywho, standard disclaimers apply. No original characters are in this yet, so everyone belongs to J.V. Not mine. Blah blah blah.

S.S. Chapter 6
Dib rolled over with a sigh, hand seeking out the warm body on the other side of the bed... and landing on cool empty sheets.
Blinking he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he looked around the room, confused. The last few days hadn’t all been a dream, had they?
His gaze fell on the new dresser along the wall, top drawer still spilling brand new clothes over the side.
No... Not a dream. Zim was really here… was really pregnant, and with his child.
Sitting up he found his glasses on the bedside table and headed for the bathroom to take care of his morning necessities. Once he was done with that he ventured out of the bedroom, looking for the other he had just started to begin expecting in his life.
As he stepped into the living room area he heard a soft metallic click in the kitchen and he walked toward the sound, wondering what the irkin invader was doing. Rounding the corner into the kitchen he blinked, Zim was kneeling in front of the counter next to the refrigerator and he was digging through the inner working of a bulbous pink and purple machine.
“So uh… is this some irkin cooking appliance for alien space burgers or something?” He failed miserably at the attempt for humor.
Zim glanced over his shoulder with a small gasp, he hadn’t heard the human behind him and the question had been startling. Then he grinned a bit “No, it is not for cooking alien space burgers. But it is an appliance… sort of” he closed the access hatch and stood up, grinning at Dib, clearly pleased with something.
The grin alone was unsettling to Dib. “Ok… so what does it do then, if it’s an appliance and it’s not for alien space burgers?”
Zim grinned wider and stepped up to Dib, pressing his body against the other and grinning up at him. “We~eelll… I decided that since I am going to be staying here for a while, at least until you find us a more suitable living space, that I should be a bit more… comfortable while I’m here. This!” he paused dramatically. “Is a filtration system.”
“…………………………………”
Zim’s grin widened as he looked up at Dib. “mm?” He poked him in the ribs with a claw, demanding a response.
Dib twisted his lips in thought and gave Zim a questioning look. “Filtration system? Filtration for what?”
Zim groaned and rolled his eyes like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. “For water you stupid monkey!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> What am I supposed to drink, only juice?”
Dib blinked, visions of when he was a kid, chasing a very short Zim around with water balloons as the irkin screamed from the burning liquid ran through his mind and he shuddered. With a groan he wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him close. “But water… it hurts you Zim! You can’t! The baby…”
Zim blinked and squirmed around, looking at the innocuous machine on the counter. “Not if it’s clean though… it wouldn’t be good for the baby if I couldn’t drink water at all.”
Dib blinked as Zim pulled out of his arms, stepping back up to the machine and pressing a couple of buttons as he watched the screen. “Clean? But water is clean… it’s like the definition of clean.”
With a sigh Zim looked back over his shoulder at his mate. “Not here on earth it isn’t! You humans have been polluting and poisoning your world for ages! The water isn’t clean at all; it’s full of acids and strange chemicals and hormones, even if it wasn’t so full of …. Of crap that I couldn’t touch it, I still wouldn’t want our smeet exposed to that!” He took a deep breath and let it out, forcing himself to relax.
“So! I decided to install my liquid filtration system here, so I can keep myself healthy and won’t have to prepare water before hand and transport it here from my base.” His tone was strong in its finality.
Dib was still confused, but he was trying to understand. “So... the tap water isn’t clean enough, but it’s the stuff in the water and not the water itself that hurts you so when this is hooked up the water that comes out will be ok for you?”
Thin green arms hooked around his neck and Zim planted a quick kiss on his mouth. “Yes Dib, exactly.”
“Ok…” Dib settled his hands on Zim’s hips. “So does this mean that once we get this filter thing hooked up to the main water supply I style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>wont be able to drink it? Or will it just taste funny?”
His first answer was a roll of the eyes, a difficult thing to discern with an irkin, it was mostly in the skin around the eyes, but he had been learning. Which was probably a good thing since he had a feeling he would be seeing it a lot.
“No Dib, you should be able to drink the clean water and be perfectly safe, in fact it will likely be healthier for you. But…” he trailed off a bit, claws playing with Dib’s uncovered chest.
“But what?”
“But… you may just have to learn to share the shower now, human stink-beast.” A wicked grin came with that ultimatum and Dib grinned right back, taking a small step closer and pressing Zim back against the counter.
“Mmmm… if we shower together we can save on the water bill….”
“And why would I possibly want to bath at the same time as you? The point is to get clean, which would be hard to do with your dirty human flesh so close.”
“Yea… cleaning might get a little difficult with me in there to distract you.” Dib’s mouth found the curve of Zim’s neck and started to follow it.
“Ahhhh…. Distract me? You think….mmmm….. rather highly of you’re- ah!.... self…”
Gripping Zim’s hips Dib pushed him a bit further back and lifted, sliding him up onto the counter and groaning softly as suddenly Zim was perched just enough above him to make this somehow even more exciting.
“Yea… I think I can get a bit distracting…” he trailed more kisses down that smooth green neck, slipping his hands around Zim’s body as it shuddered against him.
His toes were curling already as Zim wrapped his legs around Dib’s body; the attention from his mate was already raising that burning heat within him higher. “Ahh… but I think… right now… I am distracting style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>you Dibber…”
Dib paused at that. “Oh, and what makes you say that?”
“Nnnnn….” Zim cursed his own mouth for causing that wonderful attention to stop. “Ahh… never mind, forget it, Don’t stop!” He pulled Dib closer against him, rubbing against him needing more contact and needing it NOW.
Dib chuckled at the response but didn’t resume his ministrations. “No, now I’m curious, just what are you distracting me from Zim? Mmm?”
Zim FUMED at this and growled loudly but Dib just grinned wider. “Oh come on, if you’re the one distracting me, then I’m the one who should be upset about it, right? So what are you getting all worked up about?” He lightly ran a hand over Zim’s lap, feeling the hard on barely hidden by his thin shorts.
“Or is it because you’re all worked up that you’re getting so upset?”
Growling louder Zim grabbed Dib’s upstanding lock of hair and pulled. “Damnit Dib, I said don’t stop!”
“Ow! Shit Zim that fucking hurts!” he tried to pull away from that grip without leaving his hair or any of the skin attached to it behind. “Ahh… fucking… let go!”
Pushing away from him abruptly Zim did let go, the suddenness of the motion causing Dib to fall to the floor, landing clumsily on his rear. His pained expression quickly changed to one of uncertainty and a bit of fear as Zim pushed himself off the counter and crouched low over his prone body.
“Zim told Dib to not stop, why didn’t the Dib obey? OBEY ZIM!”
Twisting Dib grabbed Zim by the shoulder and hefted his greater bulk over him, reversing their positions. “Because I’m NOT some stupid little PET that you can just ORDER around ZIM! I am your MATE and YOU are PREGNANT with MY child and I am NOT going to just kowtow to your every Little WHIM! I ASKED you a question and if you could just stop being so insufferably INSANE for FIVE FUCKING SECONDS and ANSWER the GODDAMNED question the there wouldn’t have been a fucking PROBLEM!” He breathed heavily, shoulders rising and falling with each breath as he glared at Zim, one hand pinning the slim alien’s shoulder to the floor, the bulk of his pak pushing his chest up in the air at an angle that just had to be very uncomfortable.
One thin green hand was wrapped around the wrist of the hand on his shoulder and Zim’s other claw was braced against Dibs chest, as is that alone would be enough to hold the raging human off of him.
Zim’s antennae were limp against the tile below him, eyes wide in shock and his body felt suddenly cold, and with that coldness a sudden terror, he HAD to please his mate… Dib wasn’t irkin, he didn’t style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>understand he didn’t style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>know what his anger could do, to him, to that baby… gods the baby… leaving his hair or any of his skull behind. "OW."g softly as suddenly Zim was per
He couldn’t… not again….
Mewling softly Zim stroked his hand on Dib’s chest lightly, twisting his head so kiss Dib’s wrist, licking softly at the skin there. “Zim is sorry… please….”
The sudden change in demeanor surprised Dib enough that when Zim tried to push up against him, he let the alien, and was rewarded with a sift kiss to his chin. The irking was… whimpering? That was… NOT right…
“Zim? What the hell?” Dib sat back on his heels, looking confused as the Zim followed his movements, pressing close against him.
“Zim is sorry…” he smoothed his hands down Dib’s chest. “Don’t be angry at Zim… Zim was just distracting you from working on destroying the sample, or that’s what he thought anyways, but Zim does not want his mate to be angry…” He kissed Dibs collarbone and neck submissively.
“Zim… what is your deal? One minute you’re… acting like when we were kids, and now… I don’t get it… is this because of that regression thing?” He yielded to the almost begging like behavior and wrapped his arms around Zim’s waist again, pulling him close.
Zim closed his eyes as he was rewarded with the comfort of his mate’s embrace, the warmth of Dib’s skin pressed against his comforted him, chasing away the fearful chill. “A bit, maybe... I think… Zim is still confused but…” He craned his neck to look up at Dib. “Please don’t get mad at Zim… pain would...” he choked on the words, looking away again.
Dib tipped Zim’s face back up to look at him. “What Zim, pain would what? What has you so… afraid?”
Zim rested against Dib’s shoulder. “…….. The first weeks after an Irkin conceives are very… fragile. Too much pain… fear… stress…“ He hesitated. “Too much and the body would … protect itself. Even if it meant…” he stopped again.
“Zim… are you saying that… if you get hurt or… whatever that…” he swallowed. “You would… lose … the baby?”
“It would... take a lot but… in the beginning, the first few weeks before it’s fully implanted… it can happen…” Zim curled his legs up under him, drawing in close to himself, and his mate, at the thought.
“Oh god….” Dib felt a wash of cold down his spine, how close had they been too…
Swallowing he adjusted his hold on Zim and stood, lifting him in his arms and ignoring the curious look he received as he carried him back into the bedroom. Carefully he laid Zim back down on the bed and crawled up over him, running his hands slowly down his body to rest on his smooth belly, kissing the skin lightly.
“Don’t be scared baby, daddy isn’t gunna let anything happen to you….” He stroked Zim’s stomach and rested his cheek on the point of his hip, looking up the length of that light green body to meet the startled red eyes of his lover.
Kissing the smooth skin again he shifted a bit, sliding his hand down Zim’s stomach to the rim of his boxers. “I’m never gunna hurt you again Zim, or let anyone else, anywhere, hurt you either. You, our baby, and any other babies we have… I’m gunna keep you all safe.”
Zim looked down at him, eyes wide with shock. “Dibber…”
Dib moved his head so he could kiss the point of Zim’s hip. “I want to show you how much you mean to me… let me love you?” He slipped a hand slowly up the side of Zim’s ribcage, petting him. “Or would you rather not, right now?”
Zim met Dib’s wandering hand with his own. “Any time Dib… besides…” He grinned slightly. “If you want to figure out a good way to destroy that sample, the logical starting point would be to gather more samples to test different destruction methods on…”
Shifting up on his elbows, Dib and kissed along the edge of Zim’s hipbone, drawing slowly closer to the edge of his boxers even as he reached down the pull them out of the way. “Mmmm… that’s a very good point you make. We’ll just have to get right on that, wont we?”
He pulled Zim’s boxers fully out of the way and found his prize within, wrapping his hand gently around the width of the irkin’s cock. Kissing the side of the shaft he nuzzled at the base, listening to Zim’s soft sighs of pleasure.
Slowly he shifted them both so that he was laying between Zim’s knees, using his shoulders to hold the irkin’s legs up and out of the way as he softly kissed down the base of Zim’s cock and wandered lower, nuzzling his way to the small puckered opening hidden below.
Zim gasped and shuddered as Dib’s mouth found his deenka and the human began to trace the hole slowly with his tongue. “Ahhh... Dib…”
Dib made it clear that he was in no hurry as he ran the tip of his tongue around his mate’s hole, one hand holding the area open, the other draped over Zim’ leg, softly stroking the side of his cock. He grinned as Zim shivered and the legs over his shoulders stiffened and shifted, he knew that Zim’s toes were curling restlessly- he could feel Zim’s heels rocking slowly against his skin.
Flicking the tip of his tongue harder against the soft pucker in his face, he slowly pushed into the depth of his lover’s opening, driving his tongue into Zim to the reward of a loud moan and a strange almost spicy taste within.
Slowly he began to work the irkin over, pushing his tongue and out, flicking against the opening and occasionally locking his mouth around the rim and sucking on the entire area.
It was interesting to him how, as he toyed with Zim’s flesh, it not only swelled and opened further, but he also noticed that a thick milky fluid was gathering in the open flesh, most likely a natural lubrication. Zim had mentioned that his deenka wasn’t for waste disposal, so it was likely only used for breeding, therefore some form of natural lubrication only made sense…
After he had worked the area over repeatedly, causing Zim to arc and squirm at even the lightest touch, he shifted again, slowly moving out from between those smooth green legs and wrapping them instead around his waist. Zim knew his intent immediately and curled his legs around Dib, pulling their bodies closer and he let his head fall back, mouth hanging open in a silent scream as Dib pushed all the way into his depths with a single hard stroke.
With one hand on Zim’s straining cock and the other braced on the mattress next to his head Dib began to pound into the willing body. Zim’s hands scrabbled down his back and Zim Bucked beneath him, cuming already after the long teasing.
Dib grit his teeth as he started to fill Zim with his own release, hips snapping foreword driving him as far into his lover as was physically possible.
Gasping for air he braced his arms on the headboard, hanging his head as he tried to catch his breath. Below him Zim groaned and moaned, shifting slowly as he rode out the aftereffects of his climax. “Gods Dib…”
“I”LL SAVE YOUUUU MASTER!!!” Was the only warning Dib got as GIR blasted through the door, aimed right at his head.
~*~ ~*~style='mso-spacerun:yes'> ~*~ ~*~ ~*~style='mso-spacerun:yes'> ~*~ ~*~ ~*~style='mso-spacerun:yes'> ~*~ ~*~ ~*~style='mso-spacerun:yes'> ~*~ ~*~ ~*~style='mso-spacerun:yes'> ~*~ ~*~ ~*~style='mso-spacerun:yes'>
*Insert the proverbial Dun Dun Dun music here*
Yay, cliffhanger! I needed to bring GIR back into the story, so here he is. Hopefully he isn’t about to splatter Dib’s grey matter all over the wall neh? Guess you all will have to wait ^_^
Here’s a tip though - the more reviews I get, the more likely I am to actually sit down and write shit. ^_^
So then, here we go with Author responses.
BotOfBlood: Yay, more writing, and more smexing! Although I will say that as the story progresses and more plotline actually comes into play, there will be less obligatory lemons. Sorry, but at some point there will actually be a storyline *shrugs*
Yea, totally check Jo out, she’s great. And as far as checking stuff out, what’s your ff.net name? I did an author search for BotOfBlood but came up empty handed. T_T
I like X-over fics, although I tend to enjoy the standard pairings in X-Over storylines. Like one of my all time Fav’s is a Stargate SG-1 / Gundam Wing x-over with of course, Heero/Duo, Trowa/Quatra and Jack/Danny. (If you’re curious that is Upon A Fiery Steed, by Vathara and last time I checked it was on ff.net at id# 1792282)
So anywho, thanks as always for the love and the time. See ya next chapter!
Sapphie: Aw, thank you for the love and support! I really decided to continue this because people seemed to like it, and I personally hate finding a good fic that isn’t finished and then realizing that the author hasn’t updated in like, a year, and I didn’t want to be one of those authors.
I like the little jokes and details, this fic is really going to be more about interpersonal relationships, family, and how real people relate to each other even when they aren’t from the same background, than it is about some big war or other oft-used plot device. So you’re more likely to find weird conversations about lonely ketchup than seeing some massive threat to humanity that Dib and Zim must heroically stop, or fail to do so and then somehow survive. I like to write about people and try to make it feel as real as I can.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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The Invader's Cookbook