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Totally Sex!	By : sqevans Category: +S through Z > Totally Spies! Views: 14921 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Totally Spies!,nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
Totally Sex
A Totally Spies sex parody
by Shawn Evans
Totally Spies copyright Marathon Animation

Extra Scenes
(Like clips that play at the end of A TV show)

(This is going to skip around a lot.)

Cumalover, driving the bus from the Center to the nightclub with Jim Druse and ButtMunch tied to the seats, makes conversation.

Jim Druse: Um, Cumalover? Can I ask a question?

Cumalover: Shoot.

Jim Druse: What was that movie you were thinking about? You know, the sexy one?

Cumalover: Oh! It was that vampire movie! Did you know I lost my virginity to that movie?

Jim Druse: You wouldn't believe how many women have told me that!

Cumalover: I've got a question for you, Jim, that I'm, like, obsessing on: How did all your replicants get infected with Doc Buttmunch's butt thing?

Jim Druse: Well, he used some scientific instrument, needles or beakers or whatever.

Cumalover: Oh! I knew it was something like that!

Jim Druse: For most of them, that is! But he ran out, so I had to do it the ol' fashioned way for a couple.

Cumalover: Oh my God! You fucked them in the butt? Then you are gay!

Jim Druse: I am not gay! It's not gay if you fuck yourself!

Cumalover: O-kay! If you say so! (whispers) You are so totally gay!

Later, on the same road trip, Cumalover approaches ButtMunch.

Cumalover: Oh, Doc, I finally figured out your stupid joke! It's Cumalover as in 'gets cum all over her face' , not 'squirts cum' - that's Spurnmantha!

Cumalover then kicks ButtMunch into next week.

At the Oceanside nightclub, Spurnmantha, Alicks and the President's daughters are busy 'curing' the victims of the ButtMunch virus by sucking their cocks. Then Martin begs Diana for help.

Martin: Oh God, Di! You gotta help me! I've been infected!

Diana: Hey! Need some help here! Anyone?

Martin: No! I can feel...myself...changing..!

Diana: Oh no! Martin! Hey, wait a minute! How were you infected? You would have to have been...

Martin: Geezus, Di! I'm a victim of a terrible, horrible virus, and you're...oh, ah, must...get...fuck butts! Start with little woman!

Martin lumbers stiffly towards Diana.

Diana: Eeek! Okay, Martin! Sorry I have to do this, but it's for your own good!

Diana then goes down on her half-brother.

Martin smiles. Diana notices.

Diana: Hey! Are you enjoying this?

Martin screws up his face in a grimace.

Martin: What? OhmiGod, Di! My, my own sister is touching my weenie and you think I like it? It's horrible! Ew!

Diana: Well, I don't like it, either, but I have to do it! You understand, right?

Martin. Yes! I guess so! Just, just get it over with! Please!

As Diana gets to work on Martin's cock, he manages a quick smile.

As W.O.O.H.P.I.E. agents transfer Jim Druse & ButtMunch from the bus to their holding van, Spurnmantha calls out to Jim.

Spurnmantha: Hey, Jim! Cum told me all about your problems with psychiatry! If I were you, though, I'd get over those problems pretty quick - you're going to need them for your insanity defense!

Spurnmantha, Alicks and Cumalover try to get the gay guy off in the back room, but succeed in annoying him instead.

Gay guy: Good God! Don't you three ever shut up?

Spurnmantha: Only one thing shuts Cumalover up! And she's already doing it!

Cumalover (talking through a mouthful of cock): Ihf hearmm thnat!

At the bar, Spurnmantha, Alicks and Cumalover order a drink.

Alicks: What do you have that's non-alcoholic?

Bartender: Mmm, have some protein shakes?

Spurnmantha: No thanks, sir! We've had enough of those already!

Spurnmantha, Alicks and Cumalover discuss Doc BM's plot while walking in Beverly Hills.

Spurnmantha: You know, thinking about it, Doc Buttmunch's plan was almost foolproof! The only thing that could have stopped him were A2Ms (Ass to Mouths), which everyone knows only happens in porno movies!

Cumalover: Yeah! But he forgot about the totally sexy spies!

Alicks: It is just a porno thing? That's not what the scifi club guys told me!

Spurnmantha and Cumalover together: Alicks!

Done with Brock Johnson, Cumalover spies Gavid walking towards an unfamiliar club.

Cumalover: Gavid! Yo, Gavid!

He doesn't hear her, and enters the club. Cumalover follows. Inside, she sees everyone dressed in strange clothes. And they're all men! Finally, she sees someone she knows.

Cumalover: Tristan! Hi! I saw my friend come in here! What is this place?

Tristan: It's a leather bar, Cumalover! Now, who were you looking for?

Suddenly, Gavid, now attired in leather, approaches Tristan from behind and embraces him.

Gavid: Tristan!

Cumalover: Gavid?

Gavid: Cumalover?

Tristan: Gavid? Cumalover? You know each other?

Cumalover: I thought I did! "But Clover, I can't choose between you or Sam or Alex!" (imitating Gavid)

Gavid: Well, I was telling the truth!

Cumalover: And what's with all the closet homosexuality? What, is it still the 80s?

At the White House, the President gives medals to Spurnmantha, Alicks and Cumalover in a ceremony honoring them and W.O.O.H.P.I.E.

President: And for your valuable service to our country, please accept these small tokens of our esteem.

Spurnmantha: Thank you, sir! But we couldn't have done it without your two daughters!

Spurnmantha waves to the two young ladies in the audience, who wave back.

President's daughters: That's right, Daddy! We helped!!

The President is speechless.

Sitting in the audience, Director Thomas turns to a W.O.O.H.P.I.E. agent, points to his drink, and asks a question.

Director Thomas: Is this a pubic hair? Who put a pubic hair on my cola?

W.O.O.H.P.I.E. Agent: Sir? That's not a pubic hair. That's a white hair. One of your hairs? From your head?

Director Thomas: Well! How about that! And here I thought it was one of them bitches! Damn!

The Totally Sexy Spies vs. ButtMunch DVD goes on to become W.O.O.H.P.I.E.'s all-time best-seller, although critics pan the 'unrealistic' ending!

Sometime later, Cumalover gets a text message.

Cumalover: Huh? Who's Bob and Carol? Oh, right! They must be the couple I met at the Stylus when Spurnmantha and Alicks had to leave early to work on a science project! And they want to invite me on a luxury cruise? Sweet! Better not tell the others, though, or they'll get jealous! I'll tell 'em it's a family trip! Hmmm. Who the heck are Billy and Java?

At W.O.O.H.P.I.E. Headquarters, Gerry asks the spies a question.

Gerry: When will you girls invite me to one of your sockhops, or whatever you call your little get-togethers?

Cumalover: But Ger! We don't dance the 'hookey pookey', so what would you do there?

Gerry talks about his past.

Gerry: As you girls may know, my mother was a spy, which is why she doesn't want me to be one and why I must hide it from her!

Spurnmantha: What kind of spying did she do?

Gerry: It was during World War II. She spied behind enemy lines. In fact, she met and fell in love with my father there. She even named me after him. 'Gerry' is what we British called the Germans.

Alicks: Really? Who was your father?

Gerry: She would never tell me. She said he died before I was born and wouldn't discuss it further!

Cumalover: So you have no idea who your father is?

Gerry: None!

Said Gerry, goose-stepping across the room, one arm raised in a seig heil salute.

Excerpt from Jim Druse interview with Mat from The Day Show.

Jim Druse: Mat. Mat, Mat, you don't even - you're glib.

Notes

The part about Gerry/Jerry's origins could be true. In the 2005 movie Evil Promotion, Jerry is shown as 60 years old (10 years old in 4th grade, 50 years ago). And his mother doesn't want him to be a spy, so she must have a reason.

Stylus = Groove (it's a turntable reference). The stylus (needle) is placed in the groove of a record (the stylus is the dick to the groove’s vagina).
- 6
- 7
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