Undertow | By : pronker Category: +M through R > Penguins of Madagascar Views: 11341 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction set in Dreamworks' Penguins of Madagascar franchise. I do not own its characters, basic premise or settings. |
"Roy wants help? A rhino needs us? This I've got to see." Skipper wiped a stray Cheerio from his beaktip and licked his milk mustache. "You others finish your breakfast. Marlene claims it's Honor Your Ancestors Day on the Chinese calendar so I order you to honor me by staying frosty for entertaining guests when the zoo opens in" - he looked at Kowalski, who freed one flipper from his chocolate éclair and held it high vertically - "one hour."
Private snorted around his doughnut sprinkled with pink sugar pearls. "You're not anybody's ancestor, Skippa, unless there's somethin' you're not tellin' me." He sobered. "Is there, honey?"
"Korshnot!" Rico swiped prune juice off his cheek. "'Rivatenutz."
Kowalski and Skipper laughed unkindly at Private's worried face. "Hooboy, Private, what's the deal here?" asked Skipper as he elbowed Kowalski. "Don't you think I'd disclose such a thing to the Big Boss and my team? Really, now, that's insulting."
He was still chuckling as he climbed the ladder to face Mason, who for once was without Phil. "Skipper, Roy's worried. I, of course, tried to soothe him but he insisted I knock on your door, er, hatch, to roust you out at this early hour. Really, I told him you might be angry - "
Skipper hoped his face didn't discourage getting any intel from Mason. "Angry? Me?" At Mason's pursed lips and look upwards to the gathering clouds, he relented. "Okay okay, sometimes I get mad but I never turn away zoosters whatever the reason, frivolous ones included. If I did, I'd never ever need to speak to Ringtail again, er, maybe I should rethink my strategy here - "
"It could be more than your team can handle." Mason's sober demeanor said that Roy's problem might indeed prove trouble and Skipper reeled back his comments about Ringtail before his ulcers decided to erupt.
"Mason, is it life or death?" The Grim Reaper he couldn't fight and he accepted that. If Roy were dying, he'd do his best to be supportive until the end. Nobody had died in the zoo for a very long time, Manfredi and Johnson excepted.
"No, but it's serious." Mason indicated Roy, who hung his head over the penguin habitat railing. Roy's ears pointed forward like twin baseball speed guns, so Skipper assumed Roy heard everything they were saying.
"Coming, Roy! Mason, gracias." Mason saluted in an ironic fashion before gathering himself for a daring leap across their pond. He cleared the jump barely and pinwheeled his long arms to balance himself prior to heading home.
Skipper dove to the bottom of his pool to gain momentum before exploding out of the water as fast as Kid Kazoo could squirt a watermelon seed and landed atop the habitat fence at Roy's eye level. "Spikenose, let's hear it. Numero uno, you're not sick, correctamundo?"
Roy shook his head. "Doc says I'm right as rain." As a light April rain began to fall, Skipper expected a smirk from the rhino at the coincidence, but Roy ignored the pitter pattery shower on his armored hide.
Roy blinked water off his eyelashes and started to walk. "I can't stand to stay still. Walk with me." He commenced a slow stride to accommodate a penguin's step and Skipper kept pace at the rhino's side.
"So it's something the Doc said but it's not life threatening?" A quality in Roy's voice said it was a medical issue, though. Skipper's gut told him so.
Then came the smirk and sarcasm. "Oh you're smart, Skipper. Yeah, you know this threatening thing on the end of my nose?" He swung his head as Skipper imagined he heard swords being sharpened on a whetstone. The commander shook his own head.
"Can't miss it, thus the nickname Spikenose."
"I might need another nickname soon. Doc said to Maurice The Zookeeper something that, that shocked me during my exam earlier this week. I've been thinking about what he said for days and well, maybe you could help - "
"Exam? With needles?"
"Not this time. I had to turn and cough, though."
"Ew. I hate that, too. But excelente about the needles! Go on, what did Doc say?"
"Buddy boy, get ready. Doc claims that the zoo ought to saw off my horns."
"What! The little horn, too? Why would any human do that? They are you, horns are your thing. That would be cruel, and I've always said that Doc is one of the nicer guys around even if he is a mammal."
Roy's square lip curled up like a cafeteria sunshade. "He is nice. He is practical, too, and bad humans cut off rhino horns for medicine and aphrodisiacs, didn't you know?"
"I did not. I'm disgusted at this intel. Humans are worse than I thought and I already thought they were detestable."
Roy's sturdy feet plodded steadily through the zoo. They circled Marlene's habitat and both rhino and penguin chortled at the bloodcurdling snores erupting from her cave because she sometimes slept right up to opening time; fifteen minutes later, they cruised past the spider monkey cage in the Childrens' Zoo where not one monkey out of the twenty-four bothered to calm its shrieks at the intrusion. Roy flinched at the sounds as Skipper muttered, "Let me up on your back so we can go faster because these bastards don't care that the baby animals are sleeping in the nursery right next to them."
Roy did.
Skipper steadied first on Roy's poll between his sensitive ears and then skiied down the slope of Roy's head to settle between the aforementioned horns. He couldn't imagine Roy without them.
Roy was neither a gossip nor especially chatty. He liked quiet, he couldn't sing worth mung beans, and his voice remained low as he expounded on his crisis. "Humans kill wild rhinos to get horns, but Doc would trank me and when I woke up, blammo no more horns. Just stubs."
It took some time for Skipper to process the news. "So you'd be safer from bad guy intruders if you lost the horns. Hmmm."
Roy tossed his head nervously as he trotted and Skipper clung to the horns in commando reflex. "Yeah, Burt said he'd defend me if Doc tranked me and I passed out, but I can't ask Burt to do that even if he and I did plan to share a duplex in Central Park as friends."
"You did?"
"Yes, when we used your tunnel to ramble through the park at night before you changed its location so nobody knows where it is now, not that I blame you guys. It's cool."
"We had to do it, eyes only, security because Ringtail blah blah."
"It's cool," Roy repeated. Skipper weighed Roy's greater safety if he were shorn of his horns against the lifechanging alteration of his appearance. He drew a blank at what to do. Nobody wanted anything from penguins except to be cute. Then inspiration struck and he strung himself between the two horns a la Mission Impossible.
"Hold on a minute, Roy! Alice is moving into the apartment above the cafeteria soon. She'll live here with her baby - "
"Baby?"
"Yes. Haven't you seen all the weight she's put on?"
Roy shrugged as much as a rhino could. "I guess so. I just registered that she was getting fat."
Skipper unbent as much as he thought he should. "Well, I might not have noticed, either, even if Marlene did alert me to something off about her. Alice hasn't walked the plank to scrub our island in a while, but I assumed she was lazy. Anyhoo, Spikenose, her presence 24/7 adds an extra layer of security, wouldn't you say?"
Roy shrugged again. "I suppose." Maurice The Zookeeper already technically spent the night here when Alice didn't, but he slept like a log. The weird, paranoid Nighttime Keeper proved too unstable for Skipper to trust. Still, with all the friendly humans here in daytime and now more after closing, security ought to improve. He gagged at the thought, but Ringtail and crew staying up until all hours after the commandos retired each night was helpful in protecting Roy, too.
"It would. I'm sure of it," said Skipper stoutly.
Roy's nerves would have to be frazzled at Doc's pronouncement, although the rhino rose in Skipper's estimation at his next words. "I thought about Burt and how big he is, how Doc would trank him if he started a fuss and how maybe either Doc or Burt or both would get hurt. Your team could handle the situation better."
Feedback, get feedback when you work on a brand new plan. "Let's strategize here, Roy. How could four commando penguins help you keep your horns?"
"They couldn't."
"Huh? So why come to us?"
Roy couldn't see Skipper since he lounged between his horns, and maybe that was for the best. Skipper swallowed a lump in his throat as Roy said, "I want you to take down Burt if Doc, Maurice and Alice come at me with a saw. I know you can take down an elephant because it's your signature move."
"Have you been talking to Eggy?"
"Who? You mean the duckling that threw the boss pool party at you guys' place?"
"Never mind. Well, all right, Roy. I give my team's word that we'll take Burt out of the picture when and if that happens, but I hope it doesn't. The whole Parks Commission would need to agree to set that idea in motion and Commissioner McSlade likes you just the way you are. So do I." Skipper slapped the horns in a fellowshippy way. "If the powers that be decide to remove them, then no worries, my friend."
"All good?"
"All good, Spikenose."
They paused by the lemur habitat, where nobody would stir for hours yet. Skipper had more to say. "I can't believe humans take animal life for aphrodisiacs. They must be desperate or stupid in addition to just plain mean."
Roy set Skipper down and snorted enough to fluff penguin feathers. Skipper smoothed his neck back down and continued wrathfully, "All that just for sex? Give me a break!" He glanced at his own habitat and something in his look made Roy snort again.
"You might want to dial it down a little. Even Mort can see that you got laid last night."
Skipper spun, willing himself to handle the sitch with dignity instead of the open-mouthed sea bass face he just knew he wore. "Huh?"
Roy may have had poor vision as did all rhinos, but Skipper could see that a few things stood out even to him. "You've got that sexed up 'tude and you've had it for months now, bird, just Eff Why Eye."
"I do?"
"Yeah, and I'd ask who it is but it's none of my business. You don't need anything like what humans believe my horns can do, I take it?"
"No," Skipper choked out. "Um. Need to know, security blah blah, Roy - "
"But you understand desperation like a human feels if my horn were needed, right?" Roy's larger horn loomed before Skipper like the prow of the Titanic before it sank into history. The rain intensified to drive home the point.
It was a valid question. What if Marlene's dildo idea hadn't worked? What if Private continued to plow the field, so to speak, with Skipper dealing day after day with feeling less than the sturdy farmer he was before he and Private got together-together? "I do," Skipper squeaked.
"So 'bye for now, no worries that I'll spread news of your romance, and hey, good for you, Skipper. It's not like the rest of us zoosters get much, unless it's those blasted spider monkeys." Roy's plate mailed shoulders heaved and his ears swiveled in the direction of the spider monkey domed cage. "Noisy things. Take care, Skipper, and you're lucky you have a nice quiet indoor lair to sleep in when the monkeys throw their orgies at two a.m."
Skipper noticed the twinkle return to Roy's little eyes. "No worries about Burt, Roy. Penguins are on the job."
"Word?"
"Word."
Roy nodded and trotted away, tail upright like the antenna ornaments that Jack in the Box restaurants used to hand out but did no longer. He rarely attained a rhino's top speed of 30 miles per hour, although he was clocking about 15 when he rounded the bend out of sight.
Private seemed to have been comforted by Kowalski and Rico holding his flipper in a metaphorical sense. He waved as Skipper sat beside him once more. "Is Roy okay, then?"
In between gulps of his cereal, Skipper unveiled the loosely constructed plan he codenamed Routine Twelve and a Half: Namath Gambit. It was a simple plan: tackle Burt as a team if and when Doc tranked Roy. Private nodded soberly while Kowalski hmmmmed and Rico smacked down his fist to make their dishes jump. "Oooomanzphooey!"
Private nodded again. "I can't imagine losin' anythin' off me. The change would kill me."
"What could a human want from a penguin?" wondered Kowalski. "Sure, Antarctic explorers used us for protein but that was a long, long time ago - "
"Wot? Protein from penguins when they could eat fish?"
"We were easier to catch," mused the scientist. Skipper let Kowalski explain history as only he could. Private looked faint when Kowalski finished, "So that's what happened one hundred years ago, Private. We were innocently going about our lives and got whacked."
It took Rico to point to the clock. "Ooomanzincomin." He bolted up the ladder with Kowalski close behind.
"I'm not entertainin' them!" Private looked to his love for support. "Are you?"
"No."
"Good, we'll boycott the zoo! You and me!"
"Okay."
Twenty minutes later, Private's forgiving nature took over as he cajoled Skipper to join him topside, but the foursome's routines lacked a certain something that day.
Discomfort came and went on Private's face until Kowalski asked him what the problem was. It didn't help any when Alice plodded around their habitat, scowling and grumbling under her breath even when they smiled and waved.
IOIOIOIOIO
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