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Undertow	By : pronker Category: +M through R > Penguins of Madagascar Views: 11341 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction set in Dreamworks' Penguins of Madagascar franchise. I do not own its characters, basic premise or settings.

Chapter List
- 1-1/?
- 2-2/?
- 3-3/?
- 4-4/?
- 5-5/?
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- 110-110/112
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Two weeks after Howe, the four had completed the week's missions and goldbricked around their table following Easter Sunday brunch. After hefting his tape recorder log thoughtfully and muttering, "The jury's still out on what Frankie meant," Skipper stashed the device next to their Barry The Frog Clicker Trophy by the TV despite protocol requiring him to log the previous week's missions status. He growled, "Gonna get you!" playfully before sitting Private on his lap to bounce him as if he were a toddler again.
Private wiped the tears from his eyes. "Good joke, K'walski. Laughin' so hard helped my tummyache and I might visit the loo today after all." If the four of them didn't know each other as well as blood brothers ever could, such a confession might evoke cries of Tee Em Eye! but as things stood, the three members of the team confessed many private things to their Science Division. It always seemed like Kowalski's detachment and medical acuity provided options for just about anything, including costiveness.
"Lahr's leonine makeup, I've got a million of 'em," boasted Kowalski as he played with Rico's mohawk. Skipper shifted Private's weight forward on his lap to lay his beak over Private's shoulder as he nibbled the young penguin's pivot vertebra.
Private leaned forward unobtrusively after squirming. "One more, if you please? Mason and Phil must visit fascinatin' sites on the internet! They've told you fun jokes!"
Skipper snorted. "I'd leave them to it next time you visit, Kowalski. Internetting is a tool, not a toy."
Kowalski felt compelled to defend his metaphorical baby. "Now, sir, you haven't played online other than solitaire and really cannot judge - "
"Says who? I can judge on the slightest intel. I'm that good."
Rico guffawed as Kowalski continued lamely, "Yes, it goes against everything you hold dear, but internetting opens the whole world to us - "
Skipper caressed the inside of Private's knee before sliding his flipper upwards. At a sideways look from Private, he stopped before becoming indecorous. Private placed his flipper over his love's to capture it. "That's fine, but when you look into the abyss, it also looks into you and we don't want that 'cause that's the opposite of covert ops, am I right?" Kowalski saw that the commander eyed Private for approval, a little glitch in team dynamics that he didn't know how to feel about.
Private's brow crinkled. "I'm not sure about that, Skippa. You and I used the GPS - "
"Which is a big roadmap, only on circuits, correctamundo?"
Kowalski noticed Private swipe his brow to smooth it, undoubtedly with the intention of acting morale officer yet again. "Righto, but - "
"No buts, babe."
Kowalski's fighting heart refused to surrender completely. "I give you a last joke as example of what the internet has to offer," he compromised before giggling and slapping Rico's shoulder. "It's a good one!"
"Kwoskiigoferit!" Rico supported his dearest.
"All right, here it - comes." Kowalski tittered at the word and then blathered, "Phil could hardly stop himself from laughing long enough to sign it to Mason - "
"Kowalski."
"Aye, sir?"
"I'm going gray waiting for your joke."
"Penguins don't go gray."
"Kowalski - "
"Er, yes. Here it, uh, is." Kowalski took a deep breath. "It's a riddle."
"Kowalski!"
"There are two parts."
"Kowalski!"
"Okay okay! Sheesh! I'm building to it! There's the verb to light with the past tense of lit, as when we say 'I lit matches after Rico used the latrine.'" Kowalski ducked a slap from Rico and continued. "That's part one and here's part two. There's the verb to clight, which means to construct a cocktail with the mixer Crystal Light."
Skipper rolled his eyes. "Splendid. A grammar joke. I might have known Phil and you would think it funny. Okay, I'll bite and use it in a sentence: 'Clight me a damn virgin piña colada.' Now what?"
"Can't you guess? Really, sir? Really? What is clight's past tense?" Kowalski fell apart and so did Rico.
Skipper blew a raspberry against Private's neck. "Clit. Ha ha. Tee hee."
"Why is clit funny? 'I clit a jolly good rum daiquiri last December for Kidsmas.' Wot about it?"
"Private!"
"Now wait a moment, sir, he might not have gotten that far with Cupid - "
Private sat stiffly in Skipper's lap as he brushed off a commiserating shoulder pat. "You lot were with me 99 percent of the time she and I were together and we didn't go far away from the group, except, uh, in my imagic-nation. Wot else is there to know about her except she was gobsmackin' dreamy to look at and super nice to boot?"
Rico tugged Kowalski towards the ladder to topside. "Kwoskiilesgowork."
Kowalski didn't resist the pull as he hollered, "Good luck, sir!" over his shoulder. The hatch closed very softly.
Private arose from Skipper's lap to settle himself at his usual seat at their multi-purpose table as Skipper cupped his love's shoulder as long as he could reach it. The flipper dropped to his side as the commander groaned, "Let's get this out into the open before we entertain the guests this morning. I know you've not messed around with Cupid since you and I got together-together. I trust you and, and believe in us."
"Beeeeeep, wrong answer! Wot does that have to do with clit?"
Skipper stroked his beak as he would a beard, jawline out to tip and then back. "Dammit, Kowalski ought to have drawn a diagram before he left - well, okay, I'll wing it." He flapped a flipper, grinning. "Even though I can't fly uh all right that's not so funny."
Private drew himself up further in general disquiet as he frowned. "Startin' with the joke, Skippa, why is - "
"Because a clit is only on females! That's why! Don't make me draw a picture! I'm not good at it!" Skipper smacked his forehead.
"All right, I'll ask Rico to draw me a picture! Rico is super at drawin'!"
"You do that! Damn, Private!"
Chests heaving, the two turned away from each other. Skipper gave in first. "Babe, babe, it's only a highly important nubbin that you pet when you have sex with a female."
"Oh, sex. I'm always up for a sex chinwag, Skippa. Tell me more." Private's eyes got to the size of Ringtail's lychee fruits and looked nearly as sweet. "Tell me, Skippa."
"What have I created in you? Shit. Shit. Shit."
Private said nothing else.
"Shit."
Private twiddled his flippers and whistled 'Rule Britannia.'
Skipper sighed. "Hirohito's memoirs, all right. A fellow rubs high up between the female's legs and that turns them on, like it's the ignition switch from the dashboard of our car or something oh crap I hate this start out gently, very gently, and then harder and faster until they tell you to stop. Only they don't."
Private considered. "Wot next?"
"It's a tasty morsel, too, what can I say? Carry on licking like it's one of Luigi's gourmet snowcones until it gets sloppy wet over your tongue and don't get flustrated because now and again they cry - "
Private looked distressed. "They cry?"
"Because it's wired into some of them, not because they're sad but because you made them so happy."
Private's eyes got to the size of tomatillos. "So Cupid and Marlene and Pinky like this? And Xochi used to before she passed?"
"Private, they love it. End of story."
"And Becky and Stacy and Hunter and Momma Duck?"
"Uh huh."
"Wot about Rhonda and the Blue Hen and Arlene and Lulu?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Doris and the Rhodesian Slasher and Sasquatch and Kitka and Imelda?"
"Hoo mama, especially Doris. Kitka, not so much."
"Not Shawna!"
"Yes, humans, too."
"And Miss Perky and Princess Self-Respectra? Even Queen Pleaseandthankyou?"
"Now let's not take this too far - "
"How about Bella von Guano and Bonnie Chang and Shelly and Clover?"
"Who's Clover? Oh, yeah, right, her. Yup. I said end of story, soldier."
"And Alice?"
Skipper choked. "Ack, brain bleach! Don't make me hurl, babe. We had mackerel for brunch and it's an oily mess to clean up when it reenters our atmosphere."
"Just sayin' that Alice is female, is all - wait, you think I'll ever have to - "
Skipper shrugged. "Who can say? If the Big Boss assigns us undercover work needing the technique, she'll fault me if I didn't prepare all my troops, and since you're the only member to need drilling, er, a lecture, I mean, it's best for the team if you know how to do it."
Private squawked, "Crikey, you think the Big Boss herself likes this? And Ma? How about Gavina?"
Skipper grew solemn. "Ah bup bup bup, let's not go there, Private. Dignity, always dignity regarding those advanced in our organization or in age or both."
"The whole thing doesn't sound very dignified for girls, Skippa," Private snickered. "Especially if they cry."
There really was only one answer. "We guys have our plumbing, the ladies have theirs. Mama Nature made us that way. Do you have a better plan than hers, amigo?"
"Guess not. K'walski might."
Skipper generally handled one of his team's issues without consulting a subordinate. He trusted Kowalski's thoroughness in generating a device good for the team; he didn't trust the results necessarily, but that was yet another issue. "He's got some experiments on his mind, serious ones. He's playing his cards close to his vest, er, chest."
"I don't want to know about his cards just yet."
Skipper changed the subject gladly. "Me, neither. Say, how about a swim? Swimming loosens us up inside and out. That ought to fix your problem."
Private led the way to topside and seventy-three clockwise laps later followed by thirty-nine counter-clockwise, the two lovers joined the other two lovers in the spring sunshine. Crowds of humans applauded before drifting along to other habitats when they saw that the birds simply soaked up the sun.
"Mystical," said Private. "That word haunts me." He sat elbow to elbow with Kowalski as Rico dipped a toe into their pool to make ripples.
"You're sure it's not Misty? Your old groupie girlfriend from your Amarillo Kid days?" Skipper teased from Private's other side.
"No, it's mystical and I've told you Misty was not my groupie. She was just enthusiastic about mini golf."
"If you say so, babe."
Kowalski homed in on the puzzle because he had trouble thinking of Private in any sort of groupie situation. "Mystical, mystery, Misty - I'm at a loss. Scientifically speaking, you've got an earworm and the only known treatment is time. That's always an unpopular diagnosis, I realize."
"I suppose. Oh dear, it's not as bad as it could be. It could be the word clit."
"Private!"
"Sir, by, er, informing him of that word you've opened a can of worms, speaking of worms."
"Clitaurus," giggled Rico. Kowalski chuckled until Skipper's glare shot him down.
"They really ought to rebrand that car," grumbled Skipper. "Private, elevate your mind. I'll not have you corrupted."
Rico was better at producing sounds that resembled plumbing about to give trouble, but Private gave it a good try. "Psllblblblblblpsh. I'm not a hatchlin' any more, as you made me realize on Upper Pepper Island when we -"
Thunderous was an appropriate term for Skipper's next utterance, directed at Rico's splashing toe but everyone knew who the words were aimed at. "All I ask is that everyone have common sense. What happened at Howe stays at Howe. End of story." Kowalski thought that Skipper's blush could only be imagined while Skipper rubbed his belly as if the old ulcer problem threatened.
Nitpicking generally simmered anger in his commander and Kowalski held his breath as Private deliberately picked a nit. "Skippa, we topped, er, I mean stopped, at Upper Pepper Island both before and after Howe and not durin' Howe, so how come I can't just mention - "
The lightning struck after the thunder rolled and before it, too, in a seasonal spring weather event. "Drop the subject and drop and give me thirty."
Why wouldn't Private give up? "Aw, I wasn't goin' to say too much, trust me, honey, you made me love you and sometimes I just can't hold it in how happy I am now - "
"That might be true, Private, but I won't stand for the team to have us be a liability for it due to lack of discipline - oh wait you said I made you and I did no such thing - but I did ask you out but only after you said you were interested first - but was I wrong in asking you out - "
Kowalski couldn't stand to see his commander wrestling with the conundrum. All right, all right, Skipper and Private were an item just like he and Rico were. Private was as corrupted by the world and sex as any penguin could get since Skipper took an interest in him, well they seemed equally smitten. If he had believed in bilocation, Kowalski would have said that Doctor Phil was celebrating Easter Sunday wherever he was and yet he was also on their faux floe whispering into Kowalski's earholes the perfect thing to say.
Kowalski knew what to do and say next as he softened his baritone an octave upwards. "Gentlemen, Doctor Phil says, 'It's a choice. You just have to decide that I'm not going to put my energy there. I'm going to decide to let this go. It's your choice. You can embrace it, you can become a prisoner of resentment, confusion, and victim city, or you can just say 'I'm going to live my life and be happy'."
The four little penguins must have looked as if they deployed Routine Six: Play Statue because all four stared straight ahead, thinking. Rico's toe stopped splashing and he spoke first. "YahgudKwoskii. AhgrommtzXochi."
Kowalski's jaw dropped as Rico slid feetfirst into the pool and sank out of sight. "Xochi? Xochi? I was talking about Skipper and Private - " He dove in sideways, still talking. Bubbles traced his course down to the bottom of their pool.
Private commenced his thirty pushups as Skipper matched him, equally silent.
IOIOIOIO
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Undertow