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Mr. Fix It	By : Obstinatural Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 9601 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own the properties discussed in this fictional story, they are all owned by the creators of the Loud house. This is written for entertainment purposes only and any actions done by the characters are NOT condoned by the author

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
Luan Loud likes humorous situations. Her older sister and her girlfriend casually hanging out in the nude, her little brother admitting that he was interested in having sex with another 11 year old, and the fact that she's still a virgin because her boyfriend wants to "take things slow" should by all accounts have her on the floor rolling with laughter. Just from the sheer absurdity of it all.

But Luan found herself not laughing at all. She wasn't even smiling. Even though most people would agree that this is all pretty funny, or at least entertaining to some degree. "Lincoln." Luan crawled back into her clown chair, "I- I understand that you are curious, an- and maybe excited about growing up. But…"

"You don't want me having sex yet, huh?" Lincoln tried not to chuckle and relaxed in his seat, "Welp, I am going to eventually. Might as well rip off the band-aid-"

"Lincoln! A ladies k-kitty is not some," Luan squinted her eyes and sighed, "Well, yeah, it is some gash-" She threw her hands up, "But that's not the point! S-sex isn't something that you just… do, it's something special! It means something!"

"It means something different to everyone," Sam peeked over the bed, "Some people treat it with reverence and some people treat it like a bodily function," Sam's cheeks reddened at Luan, it was her first time being naked around someone who wasn't in a relationship with her- she was very excited, "But it's up to you, Lincoln, to decide what it means to yourself. Personally, I agree with Luan." Luan gave a sigh of relief, at least Sam wasn't too messed up, "Sex is something that you should do with someone you love. But that's just my opinion."

"Yeah," Luna popped her head besides Sam and blushed at the two of them below, "What she said, dudes." The two of them slinked back into their corner and started making out, incredibly turned on from being naked around Luan.

"A lot to think about," Lincoln nodded and he began thinking about sex, "I guess I don't really want to have sex with strangers, that sounds like something a crazy person does." Luan cringed and gave a nod, "But I do love Ronnie and Stella, but it's the same kind of love I have for Clyde- and I don't want to have sex with Clyde." Lincoln thought about having sex with Clyde and shook his head, "Nope- I do not want to put my little guy in his butt or vice versa." Luan was happy that Lincoln was discovering himself, but did not like that he was doing it right in front of her, "I think I'd be okay with doing butt stuff with Stella and Ronnie Anne-"

"Okay," Luan got the point and interrupted him because the idea of her little brother fucking a girl's tight virgin starfish made her own hole tingle sympathetically, "So, you are okay with the idea of having sex. Sure, that's fine. You are curious, your body is undergoing changes," She pursed her lips and frowned, "But you can't have sex. It's-" She hoped that the duo up on the bunk would back her up, but to her dismay they were too busy making out, "It's not appropriate behavior for an 11 year old."

Lincoln raised an eyebrow, "I'm turning 12 in like three months." His voice wasn't angry, just a bit confused, "I don't really understand why it would be a problem so long as it's with someone I trust and we use protection."

"Y- you don't understand why having sex, as a child is a problem?" Luan was horrified by Lincoln's almost casual demeanor and that she's even having this conversation in the first place, "It'll mess you up mentally!"

"What? How?" Lincoln's eyes darted around, trying to understand Luan's angle, "It's not like I plan on doing it, like, every single day. It's not like brushing my teeth or something," Lincoln's eyes squinted, "Wouldn't me and Stella or Ronnie Anne having these urges and not acting on them make us more messed up?"

"No, Lincoln. That would just make you normal." Luan sighed and rubbed her temples, with shell-shocked eyes she continued, "I get it. When I was your age I started to have urges too, but I didn't decide to just… have sex. That would be… insane…" Lincoln's genuinely confused expression made her despair run deeper, "I didn't act on them and I'm totally normal."

That only got Lincoln more confused, "But… uh…" He scratched the back of his head and shot her an apologetic look, "Listen: Luan, you almost killed someone last April Fool's and now you're on the no-fly list to every country that starts with the letter C and… your best friend is a ventriloquist dummy…" Lincoln frowned, "I don't like saying this but… you're not normal. And- I think that might have something to do with your urges. You noticeably get more pranky whenever you and Benny have a fight, and your pranks have dropped in severity and number ever since you started dating."

Luan felt the air escape from her lungs and felt the walls closing in.

"I think you might have some problems…" Lincoln sighed, "Like me. But-" He gave her a tight smile and pet her knee twice, "We can work on them."

Luan's blood ran cold, and she felt herself get incredibly embarrassed and shy. Was Lincoln implying that he was going to help her in a sexual nature? "Lincoln," Luan's voice was hoarse, "We're brother and sister, we can't-"

"No." Lincoln sliced his neck with the side of his hand and grimaced, "I meant that we can at least talk about it."

Luan glanced up at the bed in shame, "R-right…" Her voice dropped to a whisper, "I- I do have problems, but I don't wanna talk about them… now… or here."

"Got you." Lincoln gave his sister a wink and went up to address the girls up on the bed, "We're gonna leave you alone for-" Luna and Sam blushed, they were both outside of the blanket, their breaths heaving in excitement from their exhibitionism, "About an hour." He flashed them a wink and they nodded enthusiastically, "Make sure you put a towel underneath the door." He dropped down and motioned for Luan to follow him out the room, "Don't want to traumatize anyone."

Luan didn't chuckle at that. She just followed Lincoln, not making eye contact with anything in particular. Her eyes were as unfocused as her mind was. A series of thoughts and abstractions that all clashed together, some of them less pure than the others, all resonated to create a hum like a white noise machine. But a single thought remained, Lincoln was taking her somewhere secluded so he could help her with her… problems. She found herself biting her lip, she really wanted help. But she knew that he couldn't help her the way she needed it. The idea was honestly not that hot to Luan. She wasn't that crazy. Probably. Hopefully. With each step self-doubt festered.

Lincoln felt bad. He realized as soon as he stepped out of the room that he probably gave Luan a complex. Or at least made her understand that she already had one. Which is probably just as bad. But, as he led her into the basement, he resolved to at least take responsibility for it. He didn't really want to have sex with her, honestly. Especially since Benny is his boyfriend in-law, and he didn't really want to hurt his feelings. But Luan's feelings take priority in the pragmatic hierarchy that Lincoln has constructed in his mind about who deserves his attention the most. He brought her down to the basement, mom and dad were home now and were too busy watching TV to give them any attention. Which would make Lincoln feel bad if he wanted attention from them, but now would be a pretty bad time.

"So," Lincoln gently sat Luan down on the folding chair he left out and stood in front of her, "You are having problems with Benny."

Luan's heart rate skyrocketed when she heard his voice, she looked around in panic, "H-how did I get here?" She mumbled to herself.

"I brought you here," Lincoln looked around the basement, his eyes tracing where hers were darting at, after ascertaining that she wasn't really looking at anything in particular he turned his attention back to the pajama clad Luan, "Listen," He slowly placed his hands on Luan's shoulders and she flinched, her breaths were coming out in a panic, "I know this is going to be uncomfortable for you, but we need to talk about this."

"About-" She cringed at the sound of her own voice, she sounded so frightened, "I- I'm sorry, Lincoln. I've just been kind of out of it lately," She gave a half hearted chuckle and tried her hardest to relax, she cleared her throat with shaking fists and tried to remain lucid as she looked into his eyes, "What do we need to talk about again?"

"Benny." Lincoln spoke slowly, "We need to talk about you and Benny. Specifically-" He held his hands behind his back, fighting the urge to slap her out of… whatever she was doing right now, "We need to talk about your… sex life."

"Lincoln," Luan blushed and shook her head, "Please- we really don't need to talk about-"

"You do." Lincoln shook his head, "You almost had a panic attack up there." It was his fault, and he knew it, but he didn't want it to happen again, "I don't like seeing you like this."

Luan wondered what he meant by like this, how pathetic did she look to him? "Fine." Luan pinched the bridge of her nose, she tried to replace her apprehension with annoyance, "What exactly do you want to know?"

Lincoln decided to cut straight to the point, "Have you two had sex?"

Luan shook her head, "No. Benny says he wants to wait."

"Does that mean you want to wait too?" Lincoln noted that Luan immediately shifted her body to a slouch when he asked that question, "It's okay if you do, it's okay if you don't. I just want you to tell me."

"Why?" Luan squinted her eyes, she let her mouth turn into a smirk, "I know you've always liked to play wingman, Lincoln but-"

"Yes, the mile high club," Lincoln cut her off, "You already made that joke." Lincoln leaned forward and Luan found herself inching backwards, "I want to know because it's important- to the harmony of the household, that you have your needs satisfied."

"Wh- what does me having-" Luan spat out the word with a whisper, "Sex," Lincoln thought it was weird that she was having trouble saying the s-word, "Have anything to do with the harmony of the house?" Luan straightened her back up and inched back closer to Lincoln with a confused sneer.

Lincoln sighed "Because when you're upset you take it out on us." Luan's face shifted and he could hear her mind put the pieces together. He gave another push, "April Fools is coming up. Very soon." His voice was calm, but there was an anxiousness in his eyes, "I'm worried that you might do something that you might regret."

Doubt flooded her mind, "Y- you think I might hurt you?" Luan cast her head down, "Are you afraid of me?"

"Well, yeah?" Lincoln scratched his head and tried to be as careful with her feelings as he could muster, "You've done a good job of figuring out how hard we can bend before we break over the last couple of years. I don't think you're going to necessarily kill someone, but at least hurt them enough to leave some scars." Lincoln tried to reassure her with a pat on the shoulder, "I know you love us, you just have a very troubling way of showing it. I mean, after that one prank with the door knob and the car battery Lana can't answer the front door without wearing a rubber glove."

"My God…" Luan rested her hands on her knees, she tried to find it within herself to apologize but she's afraid if she opened her mouth she might start dry heaving from the pit of despair festering in her stomach.

Lincoln put his warm hands on Luan's neck and slowly brought her head up by the chin to face him, "That's why you need to have sex." Luan's pupils dilated and Lincoln adjusted his grip to cradle her head, "I don't think we can handle another April Fool's, and with Leni leaving the house soon your number of targets is dwindling which makes your pranks less spread out and more dangerously focused."

"I- Benny-" Luan shook her head, "He said that he wants to wait-" Luan's started to cry, "What am I supposed to do?"

"Change his mind." Lincoln tried to wipe away her tears with his thumb but they were coming out pretty fast, and the snot pouring from her nose was kind of gross.

"I've tried that!" Luan sputtered out in-between bouts of tears, "He- he says he wants to wait until we're 15!"

"See?" Lincoln freed one hand from Luan's face to try and dab at her face with Luna's purple blanket that was inside her plastic clothes hamper, "This is what I was talking about with the whole waiting thing, it's bad news…" His attention was diverted when he noticed that Luna stowed an electric toothbrush and a pair of his briefs at the bottom of her basket, "Uh- why is she brushing her teeth in the basement?" He snapped his attention back to Luan, "Well, if Benny is a no-go then we need to either make him change his mind or create a new solution."

"I- I told you! I already tried!" A bubble of snot formed in Luan's nose that popped, a little bit got in Lincoln's mouth, "I'm just not sexy enough…" She moaned in grief, her body was starting to shake.

"You're plenty of sexy, Luan!" Lincoln tried to cheer her up with a pinch of her cheek, he grimaced when he realized that he was having a hard time getting a good pinch in because of the snot, "I would have sex with you if I were in Benny's shoes! I wouldn't even wait to be 15, that's crazy."

"R-really?" Luan's heart beat quickened, "Y-you would fuck me?"

"Uh-huh," Lincoln cooed as he tried his hardest to clean up Luan's running mascara and snot. "Every day! Even if I was tired- or something," He was floundering a bit, he never had sex before but figured it would be a pretty strenuous activity, "I think Benny is an idiot for waiting."

"Yeah," Luan pouted with a giggle, Lincoln sighed in relief as he felt her tears stopping, "It's… too bad we can't-" She caught herself with a laugh, "B-because we're brother and sister…"

"I don't really care about any of that, Luan." Lincoln shook his head and wrapped the blanket around Luan's shoulders, "I just want you to be happy-"

"Lincoln!" Luan shifted in her chair, now fully lucid after getting that cry out of her system, "No means no! We can't-"

"I understand that, Luan-" Lincoln cleared his throat, "I don't want to mack on Benny's girlfriend, he's a nice guy and technically my boyfriend in-law-"

"What?" Luan gave a shaky laugh, "You mean brother in-law right? We- we're only 14 so we don't really talk about marriage… what if-" Luan's eyes flickered, "What if he changes his mind and asks to wait until marriage?"

"I don't know?" Lincoln shrugged his shoulders, "All I know is that you want to have sex now, and Benny doesn't. Have you tried cornering him? Like getting him really hot and bothered?" Lincoln placed his hands on her shoulders and got closer as Luan's cheeks burnt red, "Like, you have protection and a time window of solitude long enough to do the deed?"

Luan gave an embarrassed nod and the two of them were silent, "I- it makes me feel bad…" Luan frowned and felt another wave of tears coming, "L-like I'm not attractive enough or something…"

Lincoln fought the urge to sigh, Luan really was high maintenance. He can kind of see why Benny would want to wait, but also felt kind of bad about making that observation. "Just- try again." Lincoln took her head again and massaged her tensed up temples with his thumbs, "If he doesn't then-" He shut his eyes with a sigh, "I'll go ahead-"

"Lincoln." Luan brought her hands over Lincoln's and squeezed, "A-are you sure you want to go through with this?" Her heart was beating like crazy.

"Of course I am!" Lincoln laughed- he was talking about trying to convince Benny to stop waiting.

Luan misinterpreted this.

"Okay. Uh, I don't feel comfortable doing… this without a condom, so we'll just see what happens…" Luan took a deep breath, the boy in front of her wants to have sex with her even though she was a mess of hormones and admittedly probably looked like a gross sad clown, "I- I at least want to kiss first…" She took a deep breath and slowly closed her eyes and brought her open mouth to Lincoln's lips.

Lincoln realized that he probably should've been more clear with his intentions. But what's done is done. Lincoln slowly brought his lips to Luan's only for her to pry them open with her tongue. In a fit of passion Luan gripped Lincoln's white hair in hand and pulled it as she snaked her other hand up his polo. It was at this point that Luan forgot that she wasn't supposed feel any attraction towards her brother in a sexual nature.

Luan broke the kiss to run the flat side of her tongue up Lincoln's neck to his chin, only to then slide her tongue again into his open mouth. Lincoln didn't know a kiss could be so scary- and so hot. He could understand a little bit better why Benny would be afraid of having sex early with Luan, especially if this was her idea of making out. The panting, deep guttural groans she was moaning into Lincoln's mouth set off his fight or flight instincts. Electricity shot though Lincoln's body as Luan took one of his nipples and tweaked it, ever so gently. He let out a tiny moan of his own into Luan's mouth and her brain went into overdrive with lust. She wrenched Lincoln's head backwards by the hair to pull his polo off better and soon after broke her kiss, strands of their saliva connected them together and she bit her lip to fight the urge to scream.

"I- I need you to undress me." Luan almost barked as she wrenched Lincoln's pants down, "Have you ever heard of eating a girl out?" She didn't wait for an answer as she wrenched Lincoln's hands towards her pajama bottoms, "It's when you kiss my kitty." Lincoln's hands worked on command and he wrestled her bottoms off with a tug and gave an almost soldier-like nod, "Good boy," Luan took a deep exhale through her nose and sat down on the chair and lifted her legs up to allow Lincoln to slip her panties and bottoms all the way off with a flourish, "Lincoln, if you make me blush any harder I might pass out." In an almost frenzied movement she placed her feet on the chair and opened her legs to give Lincoln a view of his 2nd dinner. Luan gripped Lincoln's hair- he was actually pretty surprised that she wasn't hurting him, and slowly pushed him towards her pussy. He noted that those theater workshops she's been attending have really helped accentuate her natural charisma, as well as ensuring she doesn't hurt her other fellow actors during stage combat.

Lincoln gripped her thighs and pushed back his head almost at the point of impact, Luan shuddered and let out an impatient growl. Lincoln broke his stone-faced seriousness to shoot a tiny smirk at Luan before, ever so slowly, pulling forward his lips to meet hers. He sensually dug his pursed lips into her opening, planting his nose into her little tuft of brown pubes and took a whiff- his heart almost beating out of his chest. Luan gave a panting moan as the back of her head bloomed with sparkles of pure pleasure that fried the ridges of her brain, "P-please, please Lincoln! I need this-" Luan's pleading was cut short when Lincoln wrenched his tongue as deep as it could go. She tightened her grip on his hair to the point where it actually did kind of sting Lincoln, but he was too busy trying to enjoy the almost sweet honey that he was scooping up by the tongue full. Lincoln heard himself moan in pleasure when he felt Luan quake with each stroke of his tongue on Luan's kitty, soon their heartbeats were in sync and he started to entertain Luan's core with varied other tongue movements. Some of them weren't as successful as the others- but she seemed to like it the most when he brought his tongue up the full length of her slit and finished the upstroke with a swirl of his tongue around her clit.

It was at this point that Luan realized that maybe she was in love with Lincoln. And that it wasn't just the act of him tonguefucking her clown-hole that was getting her heart rate to almost dangerous levels- it was the fact that it was him almost worshiping her body. Luan never felt more attractive in her life, never wanted with such a ferocious intensity. She then realized that her doing this with Lincoln, and her admitting this to herself probably means that he was right.

She is crazy.

A sobering thought, but not a thought loud enough to drown out the chorus of voices in her head demanding for more. With hungry eyes that stung with sweat she stared down at Lincoln and let her hands release, giving into her libido and submitting herself to whatever Lincoln wanted to do with her. "I'm almost there, Lincoln…" Lincoln looked up and saw Luan wobble around like she was woozy, he felt her tense up and she brought her thighs together to sandwich Lincoln's face. Luan's body shook violently and she let out all the air of her lungs with a deep growling moan, a tendril of drool dripped from her open mouth onto Lincoln's head but he was already kind of icky at the moment so he didn't mind too much.

Lincoln enjoyed doing that. A lot. Pop-Pop always goes on for hours about how a job worth doing is a job worth doing right, and as he slowly got up from his knees and looked down at Luan's glassy-eyed comatose form: he finally understood it. "Making girls orgasm Rules!" Lincoln held his fist into the air and brought it down as he whispered to himself, Luan gave a shaky nod in response, "Thanks for the snack!" Lincoln giggled and Luan felt a stir in her heart.

"Lincoln…" She panted out, "Do you… wanna…" She tentatively brought a gentle hand to stroke his leaking cock, "Fuck me?" Luan quickly went off in a panic when Lincoln slowly shook his head, "Wh- why not? I- I promise I won't tell! I'll even break up with Benny if that's what you wa-"

Lincoln put a single finger on Luan's lips, "Er- that's the opposite of what I want. I like Benny, a lot, I don't really want to see him sad-" He bobbed his head left and right and hissed, "But I did kinda just lick his girlfriend's kitty…" He squinted his eyes and frowned in self loathing.

Luan quickly opened up her mouth and licked Lincoln's finger, "You can do whatever you want to my beaver, Lincoln…" She let out a desperate moan and tugged his member frantically, "I just-" Lincoln felt himself double over and plant his hands on her shoulders, "I need you, my beaver needs your log-" She maneuvered his tip into her mouth and gave a lick, "And- and if having sex with me is the only way you won't leave me then-"

"Luan!" Lincoln ripped her head off his member and she teared up, "No- Listen," He pinched the bride of his nose, "We can't have sex without protection, that would be…" He didn't really care about how dangerous it was, honestly, "Unfair. To Benny."

"S-so using a condom isn't cheating?" Luan's chest blossomed and she demurely pressed his almost painfully erect member to her cheek, "I agree." She nodded, "I'll be a good girl, no pranks. But-" Her voice grew frantic and she gave a dark chuckle, "I want you to have sex with me. Very soon."

Looking down at Luan's eyes Lincoln felt himself grow terrified. And also incredibly aroused. He knew it would've probably been for the best if he convinced Benny to have sex with her, maybe by hypnotizing him or goading him into it, but he also really wanted to have sex with her too. "Of course, Luan…" Lincoln gave Luan a soft pat on her head and slowly positioned his cock into her open mouth, "Maybe tomorrow, we'll work something out soon…" He slowly dipped the whole of his member down her throat, giving a tiny laugh as she gagged, "But you have to be good, and patient." He raised an eyebrow to her as he slowly pulled himself out, "We have to be really careful."

"I promise." Luan nodded with a giggle. Lincoln toweled off her glistening lower half and dressed her, his gentle hands on her flesh made Luan want to jump on top of him. He then grimaced as he used the towel on his face, it was exceptionally rank. With an eye roll he balled up the purple towel and threw it in the washing machine. "Are you sure you don't want me to polish off your log, Lincoln?" Luan laughed, "It looks kinda painful…"

"Oh, right-" Lincoln thought about baseball and it died down in about 45 seconds, "Huh! I'm getting pretty good at this!" He gave a satisfied laugh as he pulled up his pants, pointedly ignoring Luan's pout as her prize got away. "Well, I would stay and cuddle- but I need to shower." He smelled his pits and grimaced, "I need to switch to an antiperspirant, a deodorant isn't really cutting it anymore…" He sighed, his hormones were making even his sweat weird.

"D-do you wanna take a bubble bath together?" Luan asked as she slowly walked over to give him a hug, huffing his hair, "You smell like syrup," Lincoln groaned in frustration and Luan blinked, "What's wrong with syrup?"

"It's sticky and gross," Lincoln broke the hug and went upstairs, "I'll take a rain check on that bubble bath- honestly that does sound kinda fun! We should wait until we have the house to ourselves or something, though." Lincoln gave a warm smile to Luan, "I'm really glad you were receptive to my… help, Luan. If you ever need me just text me-" He squinted his eyes, "Actually- scratch that. Mom and Dad can read our texts…" He stopped at the top of the stairs, "Maybe get on dischord…" He mumbled to himself as he left the basement.

Luan sighed as she heard the door close behind him. She really wanted Lincoln to take her virginity. But- she was luckily still beside herself with post-goosh bliss so it didn't really bother her too much. Instead she took out her phone and checked her calendar app, trying to work out the best times for sibling bonding between her and Lincoln. Her nose twitched as she read a text from Benny, "Hey, darlin! Made it back home! Wanna talk for a bit?" She sighed and gave a warm smile at his contact photo. Sure, she still loved him. And she can't exactly date her brother. That would be crazy, and Luan isn't crazy anymore. She called him up and shoved her hand down her PJ's and silently flicked her bean as Benny went on about his day, her mind weaving between thoughts of affection towards Benny and animalistic lust towards Lincoln's dick.

Because that's what a normal, non-crazy girl would do.
- 5
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Mr. Fix It