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Animated Joe Schmo	By : Waitohooru Category: +S through Z > South Park > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2639 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoon(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
WARNING! The following story has strong language and adult themes, and due to its content should not be read by anyone. The stark, ugly, profound truths this fanfic exposes may be soul-crushing to the weak of spirit. ...No wait, that's the disclaimer used in the opening sequence of Wonder Showzen. In any case, you'll probably read this story anyway.

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EPISODE 5 RECAP
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WAITOHOORU(VO): Previously, on Animated Joe Schmo...
SPANKY: The Spankster got himself some action last night!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The episode began with Spanky making a big announcement --- well, a big announcement to HIMSELF at least...
XANDIR: Ooh! And who was it with?
SPANKY[motioning toward Foxxy]: Why, it was with this fine black woman over here!
FOXXY[admittedly]: Mm-hmm. That's right, y'all!
STAN(CC): Spanky told us that he had sex with Foxxy Love last night. Really? When the hell did THAT happen? When did Foxxy suddenly have sex with a prick like HIM?
TOOT[to Foxxy]: Time for you to go down, blackie!
FOXXY[to Toot]: Make me... uh, black-and-whitey!
WAITOHOORU(VO): But the real action took place at the reward challenge, where everyone dressed up in sumo suits and tried to knock the crap out of each other...
CLARA: I don't want to go through with this...!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...everyone, that is, EXCEPT for Princess Clara.
WAITOHOORU: I'm guessing by your reluctance to try on the costume that you're afraid to participate in this challenge.
CLARA: Yes, I'm mortified.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Clara chose to sit by the host's side, and Toot became jealous... again.
TOOT[in sexy voice]: Oh, Waitohooru... I'm having a bit of trouble with my costume! It feels so uncomfortable... I could definitely use the support of a big strong man right about now!
WAITOHOORU: Toot... you're not uncomfortable, and I know you just want to be with me! Get back to the challenge and join the others, okay?
TOOT[under her breath]: Rats!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Anyway, during the challenge, Stan won his first round, and before he would face off against Foxxy in the final match...
FOXXY: Well, just as soon as Foxxy bought the TV, it was shot at. In a drive-by. There are now a lotta bullet holes in it and everythang. So Foxxy come on this show to try to win anotha' one!
STAN: Dude... that is so sad. I'm so sorry for you.
[Stan places a comforting hand on Foxxy's shoulder.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...he would be fighting another battle of his own!
STAN(CC): If I win, I get the TV, but then Foxxy won't get one... and if I lose, she will definitely get one, but... this will be the fifth challenge in which I won't have won anything.
WAITOHOORU(VO): His heart was put to the test when Foxxy threw the final match, allowing Stan to win the reward.
WAITOHOORU: The winner of the reward challenge is... Stan Marsh!
STAN: Sweet, dude! I've finally won something!
FOXXY[crying]: Why, God? Why you take the TV away from a black woman who needs it the most? Whyyyyyy?
STAN[to Waitohooru]: Um, is it okay if I give the TV to Foxxy instead? Because she told me she really wants one.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan chose to sacrifice his TV to allow Foxxy to have one, not knowing of the ramifications that came with that decision... well, you'll see what I mean.
WAITOHOORU: Well, I don't know... you did earn that TV fair and square...
STAN: Trust me, dude, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
[Foxxy pumps her fists in the air triumphantly.]
FOXXY: Yes! Foxxy can finally watch a TV of her own! Yay-uh!
WOOLDOOR: No! Not there! Please!
SPANKY: Oh come on, Spongebob! A little water won't kill ya!
STAN[under his breath]: Oh, Jesus...
WAITOHOORU(VO): After the reward challenge, Stan became Wooldoor's backbone... but, truth be told, we still don't know whether someone like Wooldoor Sockbat has a backbone or not... when he rescued him from Spanky.
STAN: Spanky... what the f*** were you just doing?
SPANKY: Why, I was just giving this fine yellow guy over here a swimming lesson.
STAN: But doesn't Wooldoor already know how to swim?
SPANKY[to Stan]: Yeah, but has he learned any swimming lessons... from ME?
[Stan is really frightened now.]
STAN: Oh please tell me you aren't going to...
SPANKY: That's right. The boy has obviously been wading in the kiddie pool for too long. It's time... for ADULT SWIM!!!
STAN: No, no, no, you're just going to pee in it, Spanky! Besides, haven't you treated Wooldoor like sh** way too many times?
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan REALLY wanted to beat Spanky in an immunity challenge...
STAN(CC): I hope I can kick Spanky's ass, because he doesn't deserve to win immunity anymore. He wore out his welcome a long time ago.
WAITOHOORU(VO): And Stan finally did kick Spanky's ass, in an immunity challenge that involved debating.
STAN[trying to stay in focus]: Yeah... I mean, have you read Cartoon Survivor? Have you read Pokéball Run? Those stories are blatant ripoffs of other reality shows and... and... and, God, I can't do this!
WAITOHOORU: Nine seconds! You beat Spanky's time, so you get the Immunity Robe!
[Stan is really excited.]
STAN: Kick ass!
WAITOHOORU(VO): But Stan also had the misfortune of dealing with an apparent thief in the Drawn Together house...
STAN[under his breath]: Son of a bitch...
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...as his Okama Gamesphere was stolen.
STAN(CC): I went back to my room to play the game, and the Okama Gamesphere was missing. Dude, that is not cool.
WAITOHOORU(VO): And Foxxy Love was suspected as the thief at first...
STAN: Um, Foxxy, I don't know if it's true or not, but Clara thinks you took those things from us!
CLARA: That's right! Give me my pearl necklace back, you black woman!
FOXXY: Huh? What you mean? Foxxy don't know what you talkin' 'bout!
WAITOHOORU(VO): But in the end, it turned out Spanky was the thief all along!
SPANKY[to the blow-up doll]: That's right! You take it! You take it hard and fast, all night long!
STAN(CC): I finally saw the stolen stuff, and Spanky was playing with it outside in the courtyard, and I think he was using the stolen items as sex toys.
WAITOHOORU(VO): At the eviction ceremony, Stan was pretty sure Spanky would finally be voted off...
STAN: You don't know how long I've been waiting for this opportunity. Spanky... you have overstayed your welcome, and it's time for you to go.
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...but there was a surprise twist that turned everything upside down, in the form of $25,000 in cash.
WAITOHOORU: Foxxy Love, in order for you to take the $25,000... you must volunteer to leave the game for good.
FOXXY: I'ma take the money.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy's decision to take the money made the votes null and void, and kept Spanky Ham in the Drawn Together house for another day!
SPANKY: Yeah, and I'm glad she took that offer!
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Oh, give me a break! You're just saying that because you were going to be voted off tonight!
WAITOHOORU(VO): And Stan, who gave the TV to Foxxy, felt responsible...
STAN: If it wasn't for my stupid-ass decision, Spanky would've been gone by now... I'm such a dumbass!
[Stan plants his face in the pillow.]
STAN: Maybe... maybe it would be for the best if I just... took myself out of the game...
WAITOHOORU(VO): And now, because of Stan wanting to quit the game, the show is in jeopardy...
MANNY: Hell no!
BARB: Are you insane, Stan?
DAVE: You can't leave now!
ARTIE: Yeah, this whole show is about you, buddy!
TOM: Besides, don't you know what you're doing to us?
WAITOHOORU(VO): Will Stan quit the game, or will he end up staying after all? Find out tonight!
*
*
*
* * *
[Shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): This is Stan Marsh, an 8-year-old boy from the hit television series "South Park".
[Shot of the front of the Drawn Together House. The Drawn Together logo is superimposed over it.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): For the next 8 days, he will, without knowing it, be the star of a reality show that he doesn't know is FAKE!
[Shot of the Drawn Together logo shattering into pieces.]
[Montage of the eight Drawn Together housemates.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): He thinks his housemates are characters from actual cartoon shows of the past and present, but what he doesn't know is that all of them were specifically created for a cartoon series called "Drawn Together", which he doesn't know actually exists. His housemates are...
[Shot of Princess Clara singing her heart out outside the swimming pool.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Princess Clara as "The Virgin"...
[Shot of Wooldoor Sockbat, being hyperactive as usual.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor Sockbat as "The Freak"...
[Shot of Foxxy Love shakin' her booty while listening to the stereo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy Love as "The Sistah"...
[Shot of Toot Braunstein doing her daily routine of cleaning out the fridge.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Toot Braunstein as "The Bitch"...
[Shot of Ling-Ling charging up energy for an upcoming battle.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Ling-Ling as "The Schemer"...
[Shot of Xandir practicing swinging his sword around.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Xandir as "The Gotta-Be-Gay Guy"...
[Shot of Spanky Ham peeing on a couch cushion.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Spanky Ham as "The Asshole"...
[Shot of Captain Hero lifting some weights.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Captain Hero as "The Jock"...
[Shot of Waitohooru, the host, in front of the Drawn Together House.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And me, Waitohooru, as "The Smarmy Host".
[Montage of various scenes from the series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How long will Stan last in the Drawn Together House without discovering the truth?
[Shot of Stan in the Drawn Together House, talking to someone.]
STAN: Dude, this is really f***ed up right here.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Find out, on the Animated Joe Schmo Show!
* * *
WHO'S STILL IN THE HOUSE:
STAN MARSH (A-duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!)
PRINCESS CLARA
WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
TOOT BRAUNSTEIN
XANDIR
SPANKY HAM
* * *
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EPISODE 6: GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCE
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* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Stan, in the Master Bedroom, feeling responsible for Foxxy accepting the $25,000 and nullifying the voting results.]
STAN[crying]: God... what the hell have I done... I had the TV, and I gave it to her...
[Stan sets a pillow out to place his head on.]
STAN: And now, because of me... she accepted a bribe of $25,000, and now she's gone, and Spanky's still here...
[Stan places both hands in front of his face.]
STAN: If it wasn't for my stupid-ass decision, Spanky would've been gone by now... I'm such a dumbass!
[Stan plants his face in the pillow.]
STAN: Maybe... maybe it would be for the best if I just... took myself out of the game...
[End flashback.]
* * *
[Shot of the five remaining Drawn Together cast members, watching Stan's breakdown on the living room TV.]
TOOT[to Xandir]: You have got to be kidding me...
XANDIR: So Stan really wants to quit...
SPANKY: Yeah, and I think MY still being on the show has something to do with it.
WOOLDOOR: I mean, if this was an actual reality show, I'd quit too... but it isn't! I *love* Spanky now!
XANDIR: Yeah, we all do, despite what the script tells us.
SPANKY: This just goes to show you that I'm not the biggest asshole in cartoondom. That producer guy was.
CLARA: You know what? Maybe if one of us had an even bigger breakdown than he has, and felt very uncomfortable, then Stan will feel as if he isn't the only one!
TOOT: Ah, I see someone's volunteering!
CLARA[to herself]: I shouldn't have opened my big mouth...
* * *
[Cut back to Stan, lying on his bed in the Master Bedroom. He still doesn't know whether he should continue or not, since his enemy has dodged yet another eviction.]
STAN(CC): I thought I was the only one who wanted to quit the game after Spanky got lucky YET AGAIN. But then, I heard something that came from downstairs...
[While Stan is still on his bed, he listens to Clara making crying noises from downstairs. And they're very loud crying noises, loud enough to force Stan to listen to them.]
STAN(CC): I think the pressure of living in the same house as a dick like Spanky Ham has gotten to Clara, too.
CLARA(OS, crying): SOMEONE!!! HELP ME!!!
[Stan sighs under his breath, and walks down the stairs to the Green Room.]
STAN(CC): So I left the Master Bedroom, and went downstairs to try to cheer Clara up.
[Stan tries to open the door to the Green Room, but it is locked. And of course, Clara is still crying.]
STAN(CC): But the door to her room was locked. This... this is obviously very serious... either she's lonely because she's the only one left who has to sleep in that room since both Ling-Ling and Foxxy are gone, or because she's afraid to come out of her room to face Spanky... ...or maybe both.
CLARA(OS, crying): Oh god... why does it have to be so hard?
STAN[under his breath]: Damn...
CLARA(OS, crying): Spanky... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Don't come near me!!!
STAN[to himself]: Is she having a nightmare or...
CLARA(OS, crying): PLEASE!!!! Someone, RESCUE ME!!!!
STAN: Oooookay.
[While Clara continues to cry her eyes out, Stan is about to return to the Master Bedroom. However, he notices the door of the Red Room opening, and Xandir emerging from it.]
XANDIR: Oh, hi, Stan.
STAN: Hey, Xandir.
XANDIR: Let me guess, you heard Clara crying too?
STAN: Yeah, and she locked herself in her room, apparently. She won't come out, dude!
[Xandir pulls his sword out.]
XANDIR: I *really* didn't want to use this again, but oh well.
[Xandir raises his sword at the door to the Green Room, and slices it in half.]
STAN(CC): So Xandir had to use his sword to open the door to Clara's room. And I saw that Clara wasn't the only one in that room!
[Xandir and Stan are shocked to see not only a scantily-clad Clara in bed, but also a completely naked Spanky Ham having sex with her!]
STAN(CC): Spanky Ham was in there as well, and both he and Clara had their clothes off, and Spanky was obviously doing... something to her that I shouldn't be seeing, or even talking to you about!
SPANKY: What's my name, Clara?
CLARA: Spanky!
SPANKY[shouting]: What's my name??
CLARA[shouting]: Spanky!!
SPANKY[shouting louder]: WHAT'S MY NAME???
CLARA[shouting louder]: SPANKY!!!
TOOT(OS, shouting): Hey, shut the f*** up, I'm trying to sleep in here!
SPANKY AND CLARA(shouting): Sorry!!!
XANDIR: I guess WE came at a bad time, didn't we?
SPANKY: No, you came a very good time, people! Because tonight is a very special, once-in-a-lifetime event! That's right! For a limited time only, you get to watch... Princess Clara's first ever... orgasm!
STAN: Orgasm?
XANDIR: Spanky, have you totally lost it?
SPANKY: No, it's right here. And you're looking at it right now!
[Spanky continues to hump Clara, who makes moaning orgasm-style noises.]
SPANKY: Oh yeah, Clara! Who's your daddy? Come on! Who's your daddy?
CLARA: Spanky...! Spanky is my daddy!
STAN[to Xandir]: Um, it's been nice and all, but I reeeeeally have to go to bed this time.
XANDIR: Um... good night?
[Stan and Xandir return to their rooms and go back to sleep... while Spanky and Clara continue to have sex all through the night.]
* * *
*****
DAY 6
*****
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CAST MEETING
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[The next day, the five Drawn Together cast members meet in the trailer while Stan is being interviewed. And you'd think the topic of discussion would be Spanky violating Clara, but instead, the focus is about the breakdown Stan had the previous night.]
MANNY: Okay, now Stan was this close to leaving last night. Thank goodness he's still here. Nice last-minute acting, Clara!
CLARA: Thank you... I should perform at children's parties! But not for those from Third World countries... those kids are scary-looking!
TOM: Yyyyeah. Now, we have to make sure Stan doesn't actually quit. Luckily, the next challenge will have him handcuffed to one of you. And don't worry, it's not going to be Spanky, because that will REALLY freak him out.
SPANKY[sarcastically]: Oh, you don't say...
MIKE: And as for our cameo guest stars... which you told me were from your kingdom, Clara...
CLARA: That's right.
MIKE: So... is Prince Charming still getting any from you?
CLARA: Any what?
MIKE: Never mind. Now, your father, the king... please tell me he's a good actor... because we had to pay a whole lot of money to get him to appear on the show!
CLARA: Don't worry. He's acted in a lot of plays... and they're very educational!
JANE[under her breath]: Yeah, educational if you want to learn how to be a racist...
CLARA: What was that?
JANE: Never mind. It's not important.
CLARA: Oh, okay.
ARTIE: And Spanky, as you requested for the immunity challenge, we brought back someone for you...
[Foxxy Love enters the trailer.]
SPANKY: Yeah, baby!
FOXXY: Back, and blacker than eva'!
SPANKY: Well, I know SHE'S here, but where is IT?
DAVE: Oh, the chocolate that we're going to put on her body? It hasn't arrived yet, but it will get here.
TOOT: Aw, I want to taste some of it now!
HENRY: Sorry, Toot, you'll just have to wait until the challenge.
TOOT: Well, you know what they say, good things come to those who wait...
SPANKY: I hear you, Toot!
WOOLDOOR: Okay, let's do this!
XANDIR: Yeah!
* * *
[Fast-forward to a shot of Stan, Toot, Wooldoor, Spanky, and Xandir in the living room, just hanging. Notice that I did not mention Clara, as she is not with them. However, we hear crying noises coming from her room, which are 100% guaranteed to be from her.]
TOOT[to Stan]: You really wanted to quit, huh?
XANDIR: But you made it this far, Stan! You should be proud!
STAN: Well... I don't know... Spanky Ham is still in the house, and if he wins immunity...
TOOT: I wouldn't quit! I'll have you know that the word "quit" is not in my vocabulary!
SPANKY: The word "diet" isn't in your vocabulary either!
TOOT[to Spanky]: Shut it!
STAN: This never would have happened if Foxxy was still here...
SPANKY: Believe me, Foxxy had to go. She had to be voted off.
STAN[to Spanky]: Dude, she didn't leave by being voted off! She left on her own!
XANDIR: Let me guess, YOU were the one who voted against her, right?
SPANKY: I'm impressed that you were able to figure that out so quickly! In any case, the black girl was dead weight to me. She had to go.
STAN: Y... you are very insensitive, Spanky.
WOOLDOOR: That's right, Stan, you tell him!
STAN: I mean... you have sex with her, and then you try to vote her off the next day? Dude, that's bullcrap!
SPANKY: Maybe one day, when you have sex with someone, you'll understand. But... you didn't, and you don't... so there!
STAN[to Spanky]: Oh, forget you, Spanky! No one in this house gives a rat's ass about what you say!
[The five living room contestants are surprised when they see Waitohooru come through the door (okay, not come through the door like the Kool-Aid Man comes through walls, just normal opening the door and closing it behind him).]
WAITOHOORU: Hey, everybody!
ALL EXCEPT CLARA: Hey, Waitohooru.
WAITOHOORU: I see not everyone is here. Where's Clara?
STAN: I'll go get her.
* * *
[Stan races down the hallway to retrieve Clara, who is a bit shaken from Spanky violating her last night.]
STAN: Clara... what's wrong?
CLARA: Oh, I'm so sorry, Stan... I made a foolish mistake, and...
STAN: Yeah, I think so too. Didn't you know he's an asshole?
CLARA: I wasn't thinking, okay? I'm as stupid as an Ethiopian grade school student!
STAN: Well, Waitohooru is here. Maybe he can help you.
* * *
[Stan leads a teary-eyed Clara to the living room, where Waitohooru and the other contestants are.]
STAN[to Waitohooru]: Dude, she's here.
WAITOHOORU: You know what... maybe I should have a talk with her, to try to cheer her up. Clara, if you would...
CLARA: Okay.
[Clara plops into Waitohooru's hands, and Waitohooru takes Clara outside to the courtyard to chat a bit. The five other contestants talk amongst themselves.]
TOOT: Something's fishy, you guys.
WOOLDOOR: Oh sorry, I had fish for breakfast this morning. [burps] Excuse me.
TOOT: No, I'm talking about Clara... about why she and Waitohooru are so buddy-buddy with each other. And last night, I came up with a theory...
XANDIR: Oh, what is it?
TOOT: It's a speculation or hypothesis to explain something.
XANDIR: No, I mean, what is your theory?
TOOT: Well, remember the last reward challenge... the sumo one? The one that offered the TV as a prize?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of Waitohooru announcing the Panasonic TV to the contestants in Episode 5.]
WAITOHOORU: And the reward for this challenge is...
[Waitohooru takes the blue curtain off of the mystery item, which is revealed to be a big-screen TV.]
WAITOHOORU: ...this 25-inch television set, with built-in VCR, from Panasonic!
[For some reason, some cartoony rays of light surround the TV, indicating that the item they are playing for is very valuable and sought-after.]
ALL: Ooh!
[End flashback.]
* * *
STAN: Yeah, what about it?
TOOT: That TV was given to Foxxy. And at the eviction ceremony, something else was given to her... remember?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of the previous eviction ceremony.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, there was something else that came with the TV that all of you didn't know about. I was saving that for this eviction ceremony, and I am going to show you what it is.
[Waitohooru pulls $25,000 in cash out of his pocket.]
WAITOHOORU: This is $25,000 in actual money. Foxxy, since you won the Panasonic TV, you can also have this...
FOXXY: 25 Gs? Hallelujah! Come to Foxxy!
WAITOHOORU: However, there is a condition!
FOXXY: Oh lawd...
WAITOHOORU: Foxxy Love, in order for you to take the $25,000... you must volunteer to leave the game for good.
[End flashback.]
* * *
STAN: Yeah, that's how Foxxy left the game.
TOOT: But wait! Think back to the reward challenge. Everyone was playing for the TV... and the possible $25,000... except for one person!
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of Clara having a panic attack while trying on her sumo costume.]
CLARA: My god... this costume is too uncomfortable! I... I...
[Clara cries her eyes out.]
CLARA: I don't want to go through with this...!
[Waitohooru instantly walks up to a crying Clara.]
WAITOHOORU: I'm guessing by your reluctance to try on the costume that you're afraid to participate in this challenge.
CLARA: Yes, I'm mortified.
[Waitohooru places a comforting hand on Clara's shoulder.]
[End flashback.]
* * *
WOOLDOOR: ...Aaaand who is that person?
TOOT: Clara! She must have known that the $25,000 came with the television, as well as an offer to leave the game! So therefore, if she never won the television, she wouldn't be forced to decide whether or not to leave the game, so she could stay around and be with the host some more!
[Silence.]
XANDIR: Toot... that has to be the most ridiculous theory I have ever heard... other than the theory that your stats increase by 100 and that you can kill every enemy in one hit if you buy 99 potions and 99 antidotes from the same store. Now THAT is a ridiculous theory, honey!
SPANKY: Anyway, I'm glad she's still here.
STAN: Yeah, only because you violated her!
SPANKY: So? It was her first orgasm! Hey, she's still not used to living in the world outside her castle, so she's learning some new things, and she has to so she can open up to people! In fact, I opened up to her too... I opened up all over her bedsheets, and her panties... and her labia!
STAN: Sick!
WOOLDOOR: Spanky... what's a labia?
[Thankfully, we don't get to find out, as Waitohooru returns from the courtyard with Clara in tow.]
XANDIR[to Clara]: So, how was it?
WOOLDOOR: Do you feel any better yet?
WAITOHOORU: Well, I'm glad to say that Princess Clara is going to be okay!
WOOLDOOR: Yay!
CLARA: It was really tough yesterday, but I'm sure I will get over it. After all, I do want to make my father proud of me!
STAN: That is really sweet, Clara.
WAITOHOORU: Well, I've gotta prepare for the reward challenge. We'll call you when it's ready. See ya!
[Waitohooru leaves the Drawn Together house. However, he is also leaving behind Clara, and also a pissed-off Toot, who is glaring angrily at her.]
TOOT: Well? Tell me the truth, princess!
CLARA: Toot, all I did was tell Waitohooru about my panic attack, and how Spanky violated me!
TOOT: And how you want to make sweet love to Waitohooru down by the fire?
CLARA: What?! Toot, are you crazy?
TOOT: Not as crazy as you are, trying to steal my man... you... you man-stealer!
CLARA: I don't steal! And even if I did, I don't steal men! Iraqis do! Besides, I have a boyfriend!
TOOT: Well, if that's true, then where is he?
[Silence.]
TOOT: My point exactly. You want HIM to be your boyfriend, and you know it!
CLARA[defensive]: That is not true!
STAN: All right, that's it!
TOOT: Huh?
STAN: You know what... I'm sick and tired of this whole love triangle crap! Yeah, I know both of you have a crush on the host, but please... stop trying to drag the rest of us into it! It makes us all feel uncomfortable!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah!
STAN: You two really need to work this out... seriously. It's getting annoying.
[Silence.]
TOOT: You know what, Clara? He's right.
CLARA: Yeah... I mean, he is the host, and love between a host and a contestant is forbidden... after all, that's what father told me.
TOOT: I'm pretty sure I'll get over it. I have someone else in mind anyway... just in case.
XANDIR: Well... I'm glad that's settled.
TOOT(CC): Stan is really pissed that this whole love-triangle thing is really dragging on. When is he going to realize that the love triangle doesn't even exist? ...Oh right, the final episode, where we reveal everything. Silly me.
STAN(CC): Yeah, I mean, why are those two girls so obsessed with getting the host's attention anyway? I hope they don't focus on him so much that they forget about challenges, and voting... for all I know, those two could be the next ones voted off.
* * *
*
*
*
[Shot of the courtyard of the Drawn Together house. There is a tiny kiddie pool with some dollar bills in it (in counterfeit money), as well as a shower system where instead of water, a giant tank filled with sticky, syrupy sweet honey is just waiting to be dumped onto the contestants. There is also a giant honeypot on a small table.]
**********************************************
REWARD CHALLENGE 4: MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, HONEY
**********************************************
* * *
[Shot of the six contestants entering the courtyard. All of them are in their bathing suits. Clara and Toot are wearing bikinis, and all of the men are wearing swim trunks, and are also topless. For some bizarre reason I don't understand, Wooldoor's bare chest appears to be pixeled out... but then I could never understand why they always pixel out Homestar Runner's bare chest either. I can never tell with cartoons like these.]
TOOT: Hey, when's the host gonna get here?
STAN: Yeah, he should've been here by now. I don't think he would be THIS late...
[Suddenly, the six contestants hear voices emanating from the inside of the Drawn Together house.]
WAITOHOORU(OS): I'm not wearing this!!!
BARB(OS): Aw, come on, I think it looks rather cute. Besides, it IS for the challenge...
WAITOHOORU(OS): Well... if you say so... jeez!
[Waitohooru grudgingly emerges from the Drawn Together house wearing a rather ridiculous-looking bee costume, as well as an angry look on his face.]
STAN(CC): The host comes out of the house, and he's wearing this bee costume which, by the look on his face, he didn't like wearing. Well, I thought that costume was gay too, so I know how he feels.
WAITOHOORU(CC): I like wearing the bee costume, because I think it's rather cute. But I wanted Stan to think I hated it, because I wanted to give the impression that I'm a rather serious host who doesn't like to dress up in goofy outfits.
[As soon as Waitohooru enters, Spanky, Wooldoor, and Toot immediately laugh at his bee outfit.]
WAITOHOORU[under his breath]: Oh great... now I know what that bumblebee guy on The Simpsons meant by "No me gusta"... he must have been talking about this stupid outfit!
SPANKY[to Waitohooru]: Good timing. Can you buzz on over here, and pollinate my sac?
[Spanky laughs at his own joke.]
WAITOHOORU[under his breath]: I've been humiliated too many times in my life already... first Descendant of the Dragon portrays me as an idiot in Anime Survivor 5, and now THIS? You might as well tattoo a big honking L on my forehead, because society obviously wants me to be a loser! Those people should look at themselves... I mean, ALL of themselves instead of just looking down at their own dicks 24 hours a day...
[Waitohooru sits down on the grass, and holds his face in his hands.]
WAITOHOORU: Ai yai yai... what am I going to do with my life now that I've been forced into THIS...
XANDIR: Um, aren't you supposed to be explaining the challenge?
WAITOHOORU: Oh, right. The challenge.
[Waitohooru gets up, and regains his composure.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, this reward challenge is called "Money, Money, Money, Honey". In a moment, the six of you will be divided into three teams of two. Each teammate is going to be handcuffed to his or her partner, to make things even more interesting! At the beginning of one minute, each team will start the task by taking a shower, but instead of water, they are going to be showered in honey! [motions toward the honey shower] After you get honey poured all over you, you must get it rubbed all over your bodies. Then, the two of you must jump into this pool [motions toward the money pool] filled with paper money in various amounts! The two of you must roll around, collecting as much money on your honey-coated bodies as possible. That is why you must have enough sticky honey on your body, so that you'll have enough to stick more money to. When you think you have enough, go to that honey jar [motions toward the honey jar], and take as much money off your bodies and place it in there as possible before your minute expires. The team which places the most money in that jar will receive an exciting reward!
[The six contestants are excited.]
WAITOHOORU: The reward for this challenge is the same amount of money you obtained from the money pool, for each of you! So you'll really want to get as much money on you as possible!
SPANKY: Yeah, maybe enough to buy my own Drawn Together house!
WAITOHOORU: Also, there's a twist... the team who places the least amount of money in that jar will be punished... by remaining handcuffed to each other until the immunity challenge!
[The six contestants are stunned.]
WAITOHOORU: That's right, because the handcuffs are very solid, and unbreakable, and are built with the latest state-of-the-art technology, with tracking devices that beep really loudly if anyone attempts to break them. So, you don't want to lose.
TOOT: Well, duh!
WAITOHOORU: And another thing... when you get showered in honey at the beginning of the task, you must rub the honey on your partner's body, not your own. Also, when taking the money off your sticky bodies... you cannot take the money off your own body. You must take money off of your partner's. In other words, you cannot touch yourself. Stan, you think you can handle not touching yourself?
[Spanky giggles.]
STAN: Oh, sure, I wasn't thinking of touching myself anyway!
[Suddenly, everyone notices Spanky touching his pubic area with his hand.]
WAITOHOORU: Spanky, what are you doing?
[Spanky takes his hand off of his crotch.]
SPANKY: Sorry, I had to get that out of my system!
WAITOHOORU: Ooookay. Now, before the challenge, we randomly drew numbers to assign teammates for you... so take your positions!
* * *
[The six contestants take their positions, and form three teams, all handcuffed to each other. For reference, here are the three teams:
TEAM 1 - TOOT BRAUNSTEIN AND WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
TEAM 2 - STAN MARSH AND PRINCESS CLARA
TEAM 3 - SPANKY HAM AND XANDIR
Got that? Well, neither did I, so let's just start the challenge...]
* * *
[TEAM 1 - TOOT/WOOLDOOR]
[Shot of Toot and Wooldoor standing under the honey shower.]
STAN(CC): The six of us were paired up into teams of two, and the first team was Toot and Wooldoor. Two of the most annoying contestants in the game are paired up with each other? If they come in last place, one of them would take advantage of being handcuffed by annoying the other one to death!
TOOT(CC): And once again, I need to educate the viewers out there by telling you that a lot of these challenges are fixed! This one is fixed to make sure Stan's team finishes in last place! Of course, if I was writing the script, I'd write the same thing, only I'd write it as "Clara's team finishes in last place"... but then again, the Animation Alliance is writing this, and I'm not.
[Wooldoor sticks his head in Toot's confessional.]
WOOLDOOR(CC): And once again, I need to educate the viewers out there by telling you that I am the one and only Wooldoor Sockbat! But then again, the AA is writing this, and I'm not!
[Silence.]
WOOLDOOR(CC): Wheee!
TOOT(CC, to Wooldoor): Okay, okay, they get it. Okay, Wooldoor?
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Toot, Wooldoor... your minute begins now!
[As the minute begins, Toot and Wooldoor are showered in honey.]
TOOT: Yay, it's raining honey! Just like in my dreams!
WOOLDOOR: Mine too!
[Toot and Wooldoor smear the honey all over each other's body. Well, Phase 1 is complete, so on to Phase 2, which is jumping into the money pool and rolling around in it and getting as much money all over their bodies as possible.]
WOOLDOOR: Yay! I'm rich!
TOOT: Not yet! We have to win the challenge first!
WOOLDOOR: Oh, right.
[After Toot and Wooldoor have amassed enough money, they approach the honey jar, and take money off each other's body, and try to place enough in there before time is up.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, time is up!
WOOLDOOR: Aw, I wanted to put more in there!
WAITOHOORU: Well, maybe you got more money in there than the other two teams will, so you might still have a chance!
TOOT: We certainly hope so!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah!
* * *
[TEAM 2 - STAN/CLARA]
[It's Stan and Clara's turn to take their places under the honey shower.]
STAN(CC): I was the next one to come up, and I was paired up with Princess Clara. I never thought I'd end up THIS close to Clara! Not once in my entire life... though she is pretty hot! And she is the first choice out of the others remaining that I'd want to be paired up with, and thank God I did NOT get paired up with someone like Spanky or Toot!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Stan, Clara... your minute begins now!
[Same as before, only this time, it's Stan and Clara who have honey raining on them.]
CLARA: Wow... this is the first time my hair has been washed with something other than water!
STAN: Though we'll eventually wash it IN some water to get it out, right?
[After they smother honey on each other's bodies, Stan and Clara take a dip in the money pool and roll around, accumulating as much as possible.]
SPANKY[to Clara]: Get some money on your boobs, they have the greatest surface area!
[Finally, Stan and Clara get out of the swimming pool, and peel money off each other's bodies to try to cram the honey jar with as much as possible.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, time! Nice job, Stan and Clara!
CLARA: I feel like we've done whatever charity this task is for a great service!
WAITOHOORU: Funny, I didn't mention anything about a charity, but interesting way of putting it!
STAN: We'd better hope we got the most!
WAITOHOORU: Well, you'll find out after the challenge!
* * *
[TEAM 3 - SPANKY/XANDIR]
[Finally, Team 3, Spanky and Xandir, take their places under the honey shower.]
STAN(CC): And finally, Xandir and Spanky were the last team. Boy, Spanky must really be pissed that he didn't get to be paired up with any of the girls, and that he gets to be with the homosexual! It's going to be so interesting to watch the two of them in the challenge! I feel like I could laugh my ass off!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Spanky, Xandir... your minute begins right now!
[Same as the other two, except it's raining honey on Spanky and Xandir this time.]
SPANKY[to Xandir]: So, pretty boy, having honey smeared on your body by another guy... this is a dream come true for you, huh?
XANDIR: Honestly, I never dreamed YOU'D be the one doing it, but it'll have to do.
[Once Spanky and Xandir are finished coating each other's bodies in the goop, they then jump into the money pool and roll around in the green.]
XANDIR: Well, this is an easier way of getting money than killing monsters for a living!
SPANKY: In fact, even easier than humping other animals for a living!
[Finally, those two wacky guys Spanky and Xandir get out of the pool, and separate the money from their partner's body and then place it in the honey jar. The money, not their partner's body.]
WAITOHOORU: Time's up!
SPANKY: I'd do it again in a heartbeat!
XANDIR: Oh, Spanky... you'd probably do it so you can rub honey all over my well-toned man-body once again! Not that I have anything against that, mind you!
* * *
[Shot of the six contestants, now with towels wrapped around their handcuffed bodies, awaiting the results of the challenge.]
TOOT[to Clara]: I hope my team got more money than you!
CLARA: Toot, you should know that money isn't everything! You must learn that! I mean, if the Italians won't learn it, someone has to! Right?
[At this point, Waitohooru comes out of the house... still in his bee outfit. He is still very upset about it.]
STAN[to Waitohooru]: What's wrong, dude?
WAITOHOORU: I can't get out of this costume. The zipper's stuck!
XANDIR: There, there, I'm sure you'll find a way out of it, eventually.
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, I hope I will... anyway, I'm here to announce the results of the challenge. Now, before I announce the winners, I will tell you that one team obtained a total of $13,840 in cash...
[The six contestants are excited.]
WAITOHOORU: ...a second team obtained a total of $15,932 in cash...
[The six contestants are really excited.]
WAITOHOORU: ...and a third team obtained the most, with $20,182 in cash!
[The six contestants are really, really, excited.]
WAITOHOORU: And so, the winners, with $20,182... are Team 1, Toot and Wooldoor! They must have gotten a lot of the bills with large amounts on them!
[Toot and Wooldoor whoop it up.]
TOOT: Yay! I won some money!
WOOLDOOR: Wheee!
TOOT[to Clara]: Ha! In your face, princess!
WAITOHOORU: Yes, Wooldoor Sockbat and Toot Braunstein will be taking home $20,182 each after the show is over. And now, for the team that has to remain handcuffed to each other, which only ended up with $13,840...
[Stan, Clara, Spanky and Xandir are nervous.]
WAITOHOORU: ...sadly, that team is Team 2, Stan and Clara.
STAN: Oh no...
CLARA[sadly]: Oh dear...
TOOT: Ha! In your face AGAIN, princess!
WAITOHOORU: That's right. Stan Marsh and Princess Clara have to remain handcuffed to each other until the immunity challenge. Do you think you can put up with that for the next couple of hours?
CLARA: Well, in the short time I spent with Stan, I know he is a sweet, innocent child. I can tell by the look in his eyes.
STAN: Yeah, and Clara's a nice girl. Okay, she's racist, but she usually doesn't mean what she says.
WAITOHOORU: Ah, that's so nice. I take it that you two won't have any problems, then!
* * *
[Later, after the challenge. We cut to a shot of Stan and Clara, handcuffed to each other, sitting on the living room couch, bored stiff.]
STAN(CC): Losing the challenge meant I had to be handcuffed to Princess Clara until the immunity challenge. Of course, it wouldn't be too bad, if it weren't so inconvenient!
* * *
CUE OBLIGATORY MONTAGE SEQUENCE!
[Shot of Clara in the Green Room, trying to put on a dress. She's having a difficult time since one of her arms is handcuffed to one of Stan's.]
[Shot of Stan trying to get some food from the refrigerator. Since Clara is still handcuffed to him, he accidently slams the refrigerator door in Clara's face as he gets some peanut butter out of the refrigerator.]
[Another shot of Stan trying to go upstairs. He's having a bit of difficulty, since he's dragging Clara along with him, and he eventually trips and falls down the stairs, sending him tumbling into Clara, causing them both to fall and end up at the bottom of the stairs.]
[Another shot of Stan going to the bathroom in the Master Bedroom. The door is closed, but not completely. Fortunately, Clara, waiting outside, doesn't look.]
[Another shot of Clara going to the downstairs bathroom. Again, the door is closed, but not completely. Stan is waiting outside... and he's waiting a long time for her to come out.]
[A later shot of Stan still waiting outside the bathroom for Clara to come out. He sighs, and holds his head with the arm not handcuffed to Clara.]
STAN(CC): See what I mean?
CLARA(CC): As much as it was hell for the little boy... it was difficult for me as well. But I had to do this for the script, and for the crown! Besides, this is the first time I've ever been handcuffed to anyone... and I still want to experience what it is like! I want to see the world through a Cuban person's eyes!
* * *
[Shot of the six contestants just lounging in the hot tub, hanging out a while. Obviously, Stan and Clara are the only contestants handcuffed together.]
STAN: Boy... that challenge sucked ass, didn't it?
SPANKY: Yeah, I feel I was disappointed the most.
STAN: Because you weren't paired up with one of the women?
SPANKY: No, because I wasn't paired up with Wooldoor!
XANDIR: Why Wooldoor?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, why me?
SPANKY: Oh, it's simple. If I was paired up with him, I would've thrown the challenge, because then I'd be handcuffed to him all day...
WOOLDOOR[nervous]: Oh no... don't say it...
SPANKY: Well, he should consider himself lucky. I would've been handcuffed to him, and I would've given him swimming lessons!
WOOLDOOR: I told you not to say it!
STAN(CC): Once again, Spanky threatened to give Wooldoor "swimming lessons"... and once again Wooldoor freaked out. Christ, this guy is really taking advantage of the fact that he wasn't voted off yesterday, when he should have been.
STAN: Yeah, in water that you would pee in. Big surprise.
SPANKY: Of course, I could still do it NOW. Is there an extra pair of handcuffs around?
WOOLDOOR: Well, there IS a pair that came with my magic kit... but don't use them! Please!
SPANKY: So? I didn't WANT to use YOUR crappy handcuffs! I want to use handcuffs that DON'T break... like the ones Stan and the hot princess have!
CLARA: No way! Handcuffs should never be used for the exploiting of people! Besides, you'd think the Arabs would have figured that out by now!
[At this point, Waitohooru enters the courtyard, STILL dressed in his bee suit. And he's still pissed off about it.]
TOOT: Oh, hi, Waitohooru! Let me guess, you're still wearing this because you want to be attracted to pretty flowers like MOI? I could sure use a taste of your honey!
[Toot once again blinks her eyes at Waitohooru rapidly.]
WAITOHOORU: No, I'm still wearing this because wouldn't you know it... the zipper broke.
[Waitohooru shows everyone the broken piece of the zipper.]
STAN: Yeah, and I wish I could say the same for these handcuffs!
CLARA: Of course, it's not all bad... we haven't complained so far!
WAITOHOORU: That's good. Anyway, I came because there is someone outside who wants to visit you, Clara. He says he's from a far-off kingdom or something like that. I don't know.
[Waitohooru goes back inside the Drawn Together house.]
CLARA[excited]: Oh my god... is he...?
[At this point, the Prince Charming from Episode 2 of Drawn Together enters the courtyard. You know, the episode that has a parody of The Bachelorette? Anyway, he has a guitar with him. However, while he sees all six of the contestants, from his point of view he does not see that Clara and Stan are handcuffed to each other.]
PRINCE CHARMING: Clara... is that you?
CLARA[swooning]: Prince Charming! Oh, it's been a while!
STAN(CC): While we were relaxing in the hot tub, someone who I think is Clara's boyfriend came over to visit. And I think he wanted to serenade her on the guitar. Aw, that is so sweet... too bad I had to be handcuffed to her during his visit!
[Shot of Prince Charming and Clara sharing a confessional.]
PRINCE CHARMING(CC): It is I, the appropriately-named Prince Charming, and in the story, I am Princess Clara's boyfriend, yes?
CLARA(CC): Shortly after I arrived at the Drawn Together house --- the original Drawn Together house, not this one, mind you --- I fell in love with Prince Charming, and I was sure that he would be the one who would break the curse on my vagina.
PRINCE CHARMING(CC): Sadly, things don't always work as they have planned, no? [pissed off] And I'm still miffed that I no longer have my manhood with me, because it turned into this demonic tentacled beast!
CLARA(CC): He... eventually got over it. Right, Prince Charming?
PRINCE CHARMING(CC): Oh, right... ha, ha!
CLARA: Prince Charming... what are you doing here?
PRINCE CHARMING: Oh, my princess... I heard you went on this reality TV show to make some friends... so I came by to see how you were doing, and to serenade you on my guitar, yes?
CLARA[swooning]: Oh yes...
[Prince Charming starts strumming on his guitar... and starts singing.]
PRINCE CHARMING[singing]: Where do the butterflies go in the winter... maybe their love will keep them warm...
CLARA[swooning]: Oooohhhhh!
STAN(CC): Prince Charming then sang this song to Clara which in my opinion was all sappy... but then again, he wrote it for Clara and not for me, so what the hell do *I* know?
PRINCE CHARMING[singing]: To gaze upon your auburn hair, your lovely hazel eyes... we'll make good choices together, if we laugh or if we cry... you're a vision of God's grand design, a dove that's pure and free... Clara... cupcake... you're the girl for me!
CLARA[excited]: Oh yes!
PRINCE CHARMING: Thank you, my princess!
CLARA: You're quite welcome!
[Clara raises her hands in the air in excitement... however, in doing so, she reveals that one of her arms is handcuffed to Stan's. When Prince Charming sees this, he immediately freaks out.]
PRINCE CHARMING: Ay! Dios mio!
[Prince Charming puts down his guitar, and pulls out a rifle. He starts aiming it at Stan...]
STAN: Dude! Don't kill me!
[...but what Prince Charming was really aiming at was the grass outside the hot tub, as he takes a shot at it.]
PRINCE CHARMING: I wanted to see if this rifle worked before I leave this unforgiving world forever!
[Prince Charming then proceeds to shoot himself in the face, like he did in the Drawn Together episode that he was in. He then drops like a stone onto the cold, hard ground.]
CLARA[crying]: My prince... why?
STAN(CC): After Prince Charming saw me handcuffed to Clara, he pulls out this gun, and commits suicide. I guess he didn't like that the girl he loves is handcuffed to another guy, so he wanted to take the easy way out. But I don't understand why some people are stupid enough to kill themselves because of that.
PRINCE CHARMING(CC): I did not really kill myself... the bullets were blanks! The boy really thinks I committed suicide... [laughs]
STAN: Why... is it because he saw us handcuffed together?
XANDIR: Yeah, that could be it!
[At this point, Waitohooru appears, STILL dressed in his bee outfit. He is shocked upon seeing Prince Charming's corpse on the ground.]
WAITOHOORU[repulsed]: Ugh... what happened here... who killed him?
CLARA: I... think he took his own life. I don't know why...
WAITOHOORU: Well, anyway, Clara, there is someone else here to see you. He says he's very concerned about you.
[Waitohooru slinks back inside the Drawn Together house.]
CLARA[muttering]: He couldn't be...
[And emerging from the house is Drawn Together cameo #2... Clara's own father, the King, from... that episode where Spanky played a prank on the pizza delivery guy by crapping all over the pizza.]
KING: Clara?
CLARA: Father?
WOOLDOOR: This guy is Clara's father?
XANDIR: Well, she's a princess, and he's a king, so... definitely.
STAN[under his breath]: Hoo boy...
STAN(CC): And just after Prince Charming commits suicide, Clara's father, who is a king, mind you... pays her a visit. From what I saw, that guy obviously had something up his ass. I thought to myself, "THIS is her father? Give me a f***ing break..."
[Shot of the King and Clara sharing a camera confessional.]
CLARA(CC): And this is my father, the king. He's a kind man, really. He always sticks up for me.
KING(CC): Yeah, unlike in the script, where I am depicted as an iron-fisted tyrant, and VERY overprotective. I mean, is the script written by Jews, or am I insane?
CLARA(CC): Heh heh... that's my father all right!
[The King is stunned when he sees the prince's unmoving corpse... and starts to get all ticked off.]
KING: All right... who's responsible for murdering my daughter's entertainment?
ALL EXCEPT THE KING: Huh?
KING: One of you must have committed this dastardly deed! Come on, don't deny it!
CLARA: Father, none of us killed him! He killed himself! Honest! Would I lie to my own father?
[His Majesty is even more shocked to see his daughter handcuffed to Stan.]
KING: And you... Clara... what are you doing to this young boy? Molesting him, and handcuffing him to you, treating him like your personal slave... have you no shame?
STAN: WHAT?!
CLARA: Father, listen! Stan and I are like this because we lost a challenge!
KING: Clara... you and... whoever he is... get out of the hot tub right now. We need to talk.
[The King is about to go back inside the Drawn Together house, but first cocks his head in Clara's direction.]
KING: But first... put some clothes on! I don't want to see your exposed chest!
CLARA: But father, I'm wearing a bikini!
KING: I don't care!
[The King storms inside the Drawn Together house... slamming the door behind him.]
STAN: Damn, dude, that's guy's such an asshole...
CLARA: I... guess I'd better go talk to him. Come with me, Stan.
[Stan and Clara get out of the hot tub.]
* * *
[Cut to a shot of Stan and Clara, with towels covering their dripping-wet bodies, in the living room, sitting on the sofa. Clara's father is also there, and he's standing up. He is really pissed off at Clara.]
KING[to Clara]: I thought I told you to put some clothes on!
CLARA: Father, how can I possibly put on any clothes with these handcuffs on?
KING: Well, take them off!
CLARA: I can't... we're stuck like this!
KING: What?!
CLARA: Please understand, father... we recently had this challenge, and we were in our bathing suits, and we had to stick honey on our bodies, and roll around in a pool of money and ---
KING[interrupting]: Aha! I knew it!
CLARA: What?
KING: You're turning into a prostitute! I can sense it!
[Suddenly, Stan turns his back to the two bickering royal family members.]
STAN[under his breath]: I'm not listening...
CLARA: Prostitute? Me? Whatever do you mean by that?
CLARA(CC): Stan turned his back to us, obviously out of respect, because he didn't want to get involved in this pretend argument I had with my father.
STAN(CC): Yeah, I didn't want to go there, because those two really need to work it out... or at least go on Dr. Phil or something... Christ, I don't want the two of you to keep fighting with each other, okay?
KING: My child, you have to understand... that's exactly what a prostitute does... she rolls around in a pool of money! Clara... how could you... how could you sell your own father out?
CLARA: But father, it was a challenge! A challenge, okay?
KING: In any case, I will not allow my daughter to prance around this house dressed like a harlot!
CLARA[raising her voice]: I'm WEARING a BIKINI!
KING: You might as well be wearing clown pants for all I care! Or maybe it's one of those ridiculous outfits that... that Japanese prostitutes wear!
CLARA: Father!
KING: I think you're turning Japanese... I really think so!
STAN[under his breath]: I'm not listening, I'm not listening...
CLARA: Father, please listen to what I have to say!
KING: I... I see I came at a bad time. You know what... I should never have granted you permission to come on this show, because it has obviously corrupted you!
CLARA: Corrupted? How?
KING: The Animation Alliance! They're a bad influence! Because of them, you've become a prostitute and a child-molester on the same day! Just for that, I'm going to boycott this show, and make sure this smut never hits the airwaves! Goodbye, Clara!
CLARA: Father, don't!
[The King turns his head, opens the front door, and walks through it angrily.]
CLARA: Wait... come back here!
[Clara tries to chase after the King, but Waitohooru emerges (STILL in his bee suit), and starts to grab Clara.]
WAITOHOORU: Sorry, Clara, I can't let you go after him.
CLARA: What?
WAITOHOORU: You know that attempting to leave the house results in instant disqualification! I... I can't let you do this. I'm sorry.
CLARA: But I have to speak to him!
WAITOHOORU: Besides, if you leave, Stan leaves with you... please... don't do this...
[Waitohooru holds Clara in his arms, and hugs her tightly. The King, about to leave, turns his head back, and really freaks out when he sees a guy in a bee costume hug his daughter.]
KING: W... who is THIS undignified street urchin you're hugging?
CLARA: Father... that is the host of Drawn Together!
WAITOHOORU: That's right.
[The king fumes.]
KING: That does it. From now on, Clara... you are no longer my daughter!
CLARA: You know what? I believe that's the first time we've ever agreed on anything!
KING: Good!
[The king, still angry, storms out of the Drawn Together house for good.]
[Shot of Clara and the king sharing a camera confessional.]
CLARA(CC): It was sort of an awkward situation for Stan to be in, and it was very dramatic, despite the fact that it was scripted!
KING(CC): I wasn't really going to boycott Drawn Together, or Animated Joe Schmo, because I love my daughter, and I want what's best for her. Of course, I could still boycott them if you want me to, dear...
CLARA(CC): Um, no thanks.
STAN: Dude, this is really f***ed up right here.
WAITOHOORU: You know, I wasn't supposed to do this until the immunity challenge, but...
[Waitohooru pulls a key out of his costume, and uses it to unlock the handcuffs. Stan and Clara are free at last.]
WAITOHOORU: There. You two are now free. Let's just call this our little secret, okay?
STAN: Sweet!
CLARA: Thank you!
STAN(CC): This was unexpected. I thought Clara and I were going to wait until the immunity challenge for the host to free us, and he frees us right away! That's good, because I don't want to be handcuffed to anyone ever again!
[Shot of Clara and Waitohooru (in bee outfit) sharing a camera confessional.]
CLARA(CC): And I get rescued by my "knight in shining armor", Waitohooru!
WAITOHOORU(CC): I guess the host is still a babe-magnet, even in an uncomfortable bee costume!
CLARA(CC, giggling): Hee hee... and I know how some people wearing bee costumes can sometimes get a little randy!
WAITOHOORU(CC): You're right, I guess I'm a randy bee-man!
[Just then, that Colin kid from Animaniacs (and Episode 1) sticks his head in the confessional.]
COLIN(CC): Okay, so this one time, me and Randy Beaman were ---
WAITOHOORU(CC): Who are you?
* * *
[Cut to a shot of all six contestants at the dinner table, eating. And when I cut to a shot of them at the dinner table, they should usually be talking. In that case, replace "eating" in the first sentence of this description with "talking".]
SPANKY: So... Toot... Wooldoor... whatcha gonna spend your money on?
TOOT AND WOOLDOOR: Candy!!!
[Toot and Wooldoor stare at each other, realizing that they said the exact same thing.]
WOOLDOOR: You mean... YOU want to spend it on candy too?
TOOT: That's right! We may not look it, but we have a lot in common!
SPANKY: I *knew* you two would say that...
STAN: Yeah, I kind of figured that!
XANDIR: If I won the challenge, I would have had enough to buy that zirconium sword that's on sale at Toruneko's! But, I don't... so now I have to defeat MORE monsters to get it... of course, I could try an alternate strategy with the flame crossbow I found a week before I came to this house... maybe I could use THAT and aim at the Orochi's eyes or something...
CLARA: If I won that money... I would have given that money to charity.
SPANKY: I would have given it to Charity too... Charity Bazaar, you know, from Histeria! I would give a lot to her each night!
WOOLDOOR: You're going to give all that money to her?
SPANKY[smirking]: Who said I was going to give her MONEY?
[Silence.]
STAN: Ooookay... well, if I won the money, I would have donated it to South Park Elementary.
XANDIR: Oh...
STAN: Yeah, the school really needs more money... I don't know, maybe to hire some new teachers, or maybe add some more subjects to our curriculum...
[At this point, Waitohooru enters the dining room. He has finally gotten out of his bee costume.]
WAITOHOORU: Hello, everyone!
STAN: Oh, hi, Waitohooru.
WAITOHOORU: Are you enjoying lunch?
TOOT: Well, that's a stupid question, because how can I *not* enjoy lunch!
[Suddenly, Spanky Ham begins jacking off to himself, disgusting some of the houseguests.]
XANDIR: THAT'S how...
WOOLDOOR: Ewww!
STAN(CC): And while we were eating, Spanky starts masturbating... WHILE WE WERE EATING. Look at him... he's 31, he's supposed to be the oldest out of all of us, and he doesn't use manners. He should really act his age, dude, because if he doesn't, there's something obviously wrong with him.
STAN[to Spanky]: Dude, would you mind not doing that at the table?
SPANKY: Doing what?
STAN: Doing... THAT! It's sick, and it's disgusting, and you shouldn't do that!
TOOT: Yeah, some of us are trying to eat!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, and you'd better finish fast, because we have some yummy dessert waiting outside for you!
[All six contestants are excited.]
TOOT: You said the magic word!
XANDIR: Well, what are we waiting for!
STAN: Yeah, let's eat quickly so we can find out what it is!
WOOLDOOR: Okay!
* * *
*
*
*
[Shot of the courtyard of the Drawn Together house. There are two magnetic boards, each with multicolored refrigerator magnets on them that resemble letters of the alphabet. Next to each magnetic board, three folding chairs are lined up, waiting for someone to sit in them.]
*****************************
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 4: LICK IT
*****************************
* * *
[Shot of the six contestants entering the courtyard. They each sit down on one of the folding chairs. It's interesting to note the positions of the characters sitting in the chairs, so keep this in mind --- sitting on the folding chair next to the magnetic board on the left is Wooldoor. Spanky is sitting next to him, and Toot is sitting next to Spanky. Next to the magnetic board on the right is Stan. Xandir is sitting next to Stan, while Clara is sitting next to Xandir. Got all that?]
[Anyway, Waitohooru comes out of the Drawn Together house to greet the contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: All right, everyone... welcome to your fourth immunity challenge!
TOOT: Hey, what happened to the dessert you promised us?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah!
WAITOHOORU: It's getting here... but for now, the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe is back up for grabs! Stan, would you mind going to the Master Bedroom and getting it for me?
STAN: Oh, all right...
[Fast-motion sequence of Stan racing back to the Master Bedroom and retrieving the Immunity Robe. As soon as he takes the robe with him to the courtyard to rejoin the contestants, he immediately notices Spanky whispering something to Wooldoor... causing Wooldoor to freak out yet again.]
STAN[under his breath]: Oh, not this again...
STAN(CC): Once I retrieved the Immunity Robe, Spanky whispered something to Wooldoor which I think was another one of those threats to give him "swimming lessons"! God, that is so typical of him!
WOOLDOOR[shouting]: Noooo! He's doing it again! Make him stop! Anyone!
[Xandir notices Wooldoor freaking out, and motions Waitohooru to come to him.]
XANDIR: Um, Waitohooru, may I talk to you for a second?
[Waitohooru comes over to Xandir.]
WAITOHOORU: What is it?
XANDIR: Well...
WOOLDOOR[interrupting]: He just did it again! Spanky threatened to give me swimming lessons again!
XANDIR: That's exactly what I was going to say.
SPANKY: What?! He's lying!
XANDIR: Anyway, Wooldoor seems really uncomfortable, so is it okay if...
[Xandir whispers something in Waitohooru's ear.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, I'll tell everyone.
XANDIR: Thank you.
[Waitohooru addresses the six contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Stan? Spanky? Xandir wants you two to switch seats.
SPANKY: Aw, man!
STAN: Why... is Spanky giving him a hard time AGAIN?
WAITOHOORU: 'Fraid so.
STAN: Okay... I'll do it.
[Stan gets up and sits in the chair Spanky was occupying, while Spanky sits in Stan's chair, next to Xandir. You know what... I think that's a more satisfactory seating arrangement, don't you? Hey, during the Survivor All-Stars reunion, they came up with a seating arrangement that kept Richard and Susan apart, so I guess everything will work out!]
WOOLDOOR[to Stan]: Yay! You'll keep me comfortable, right?
STAN[to Wooldoor]: Oh sure... I will.
SPANKY(CC): And because I made Wooldoor uncomfortable, I have to switch seats with Xandir. Which makes the first part of the challenge even more interesting, and of course, I'll let you see it to experience it.
[Waitohooru takes the immunity robe from Stan.]
WAITOHOORU: Anyway, like I was saying, the Immunity Robe is back up for grabs! And we also promised you dessert, but for this task, we've asked someone to deliver it to you personally! Here she is!
[Suddenly, emerging from the house, covered from head to toe in chocolate, is a scantily-clad Foxxy Love.]
FOXXY: I'm back, y'all!
SPANKY: Yay! Now THAT'S a dessert!
STAN(CC): Foxxy Love... who accepted an offer to leave the house yesterday... comes out with chocolate on her body! And I guess because of this, the men were definitely excited to see her again...
WOOLDOOR: Why is there chocolate all over her body?
WAITOHOORU: Well, that's part of the challenge. This challenge is called "Lick It", and takes place in three rounds. In each round, two of you will take your places on either side of Foxxy Love. You see those boards with letters of the alphabet on them? Well, those are important, because there also letters hidden on Foxxy's body, and they're hidden underneath all that chocolate! When you find a letter on her body, you must go to your magnetic board, and find the matching letter magnet. You will find six letters on Foxxy's body, and these letters will spell out the name of a cartoon character, past or present. The contestant who figures out his or her name the fastest wins immunity!
[The six contestants are excited.]
WAITOHOORU: One more thing before we begin... you cannot use your hands to take the chocolate off her body. You must lick the chocolate off using your tongue... hence why the challenge is called "Lick It"!
SPANKY: Yay! That's my kind of game! I'm gonna win this one!
TOOT: Hmph! Men!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, it's time for the first round! Wooldoor and Spanky, you get to participate in this one!
WOOLDOOR: Wheee!
SPANKY: Don't get too cocky, because I'm going to win yet another one!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, if you would take your positions?
[Wooldoor and Spanky stand on little stools next to Foxxy. That way, they can reach parts of Foxxy they can't normally reach without them.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, the time will start right now! This round will end when one of you has figured out the name of the cartoon character, and that will be the time for the others to beat! And... begin!
[Spanky and Wooldoor start licking away at the chocolate on Foxxy's body.]
WAITOHOORU: So, how's it going, Wooldoor?
WOOLDOOR: Mmm... yummy!
WAITOHOORU: And how's it going on your side, Spanky?
SPANKY: Can I lick ALL the chocolate off her body, or should I just find the chocolate that has the letters underneath it?
WAITOHOORU: Well, whatever you want to do...
SPANKY: Yeah!
[Spanky and Wooldoor continue licking away. Eventually, at the one-minute mark, one of the competitors has found a letter...]
SPANKY: "Y"!
WOOLDOOR: Because it's fun!
SPANKY: No, Wooldoor! I found a Y!
WAITOHOORU: Spanky has found a letter! Only five more to go!
[Both of the contestants now know one of the letters in the cartoon character's name. Spanky has no trouble finding a Y on his magnetic board... but Wooldoor is having trouble looking for his. While Wooldoor is still searching, Spanky licks Foxxy some more, and finds another letter...]
SPANKY: "S"!
WAITOHOORU: Spanky has found an S! Four more to go!
[Spanky has found the S on his magnetic board, and places it next to the Y he moved. Wooldoor has trouble finding either. It's the two-minute mark now, and Spanky licks toward Foxxy's breast area... and strikes gold again.]
SPANKY: "I"!
* * *
[At the three-minute mark, Spanky licks Foxxy's forehead, and finds a fourth letter.]
SPANKY: "P"!
* * *
[At the four-minute mark, Spanky licks around Foxxy's vagina, and finds a fifth letter.]
SPANKY: "T"!
[Wooldoor is still confused, because he still doesn't know which letter to look for in that jumble on his board.]
* * *
[Finally, around five minutes, Spanky finds the last letter by licking near Foxxy's ass.]
SPANKY: "M"!
WAITOHOORU: That's the last letter! Unscramble them, and you'll find the name of the cartoon character! Don't worry, Wooldoor, you're still in this!
[Spanky rearranges the letters on his board. Finally, at 5:29, he announces the solution...]
SPANKY: "STIMPY"!
WOOLDOOR[disappointed]: Aw, man...
WAITOHOORU: "STIMPY" is correct! Spanky, you solved your puzzle in five minutes and twenty-nine seconds! If none of the other contestants can solve their puzzles quicker than your time, you win immunity!
SPANKY: And they're not going to!
WAITOHOORU: Um... yyyeah. So, in a moment we will begin our second round, where --- SPANKY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
[Pan over to see that Spanky is humping Foxxy's body.]
SPANKY: So, Foxxy, you're a chocolate bar, huh? Well, I like my chocolate bars with NUTS in them!
WAITOHOORU: Spanky, get off her!
FOXXY: Yeah, Foxxy taste terrible THAT way! And y'all like yo' chocolate sweet, y'know what I'm sayin'?
[Waitohooru pushes Spanky off.]
SPANKY[under his breath]: Weak!
* * *
[It's the second round. Stan and Xandir are the participants in this match. For the second round, Foxxy is coated with a fresh batch of chocolate (with a fresh batch of letters underneath).]
STAN(CC): Xandir and I were next, and in order for us to have a shot at immunity, we would have to beat Spanky's time of five minutes and twenty-nine seconds. Yeah, I could do that... if it wasn't for one thing...
WAITOHOORU: And your time begins... now!
[Stan and Xandir get to work licking away at Foxxy's body. Stan working as hard as he can, while Xandir takes some rather dainty licks. And while Stan licks Foxxy (or at least tries to), his gag reflex goes off... causing him to puke his guts out.]
STAN(CC): ...licking chocolate off a woman's body... set off my gag reflex!
STAN[to Xandir]: I have never licked chocolate off a woman's body before!
XANDIR: Me neither!
SPANKY[to Xandir]: Yeah, YOU'RE used to licking chocolate off MEN'S bodies!
XANDIR: No! I... it's just that chocolate... goes straight to my hips!
SPANKY[sarcastically]: Hyeah.
WAITOHOORU[shaking his head]: THIS is going to get interesting...
* * *
[Three minutes in, and neither Stan nor Xandir are getting anywhere. Stan is having a bit of trouble since his gag reflex keeps going off.]
WAITOHOORU(CC): The challenge was originally rigged so that Stan would lose. But with his gagging problem, it seems that none of us needed to do anything to make him lose after all!
STAN(CC): Honestly, I don't think it's the chocolate itself that's the problem... maybe it's licking it off Foxxy's body that's causing it!
[Stan continues to throw up the chocolate he licked off Foxxy's body. Hmm... maybe a chocolate-covered Foxxy could be the African-American equivalent of Wendy Testaburger... at least, to Stan, anyway.]
FOXXY(CC): See, I told y'all he can't handle dark chocolate! No matter how much Stan try to lick off Foxxy, he ain't never gone get to the creamy center... mm-hmm, you know what I'm sayin'?
STAN: I... I can't do this... Xandir, please lick Foxxy for me as fast as you can...
XANDIR: I'm trying, but it's not that easy...
[Stan goes over to his magnetic board, while Xandir continues to lick away at Foxxy... but now faster than ever.]
WAITOHOORU: Hmm... interesting strategy... it seems Stan just wants to concentrate on figuring out what the letters are, and is making Xandir do his work for him!
FOXXY: Foxxy don't care, as long as she bein' licked by somebody!
STAN(CC): I figured at this point, "Screw it... I'm not going to beat Spanky at this rate", so I asked Xandir to lick Foxxy for me... maybe he would help me find the letters I need.
XANDIR(CC): Stan asked me to lick all the chocolate off Foxxy's body myself... because he said he was going to focus more on figuring out what the letters are. Okay, it may not be as effective a tactic as Matt's rubbing his face against the model's body in the original "Joe Schmo"... but hey, at least none of us have to get our faces dirty! [giggles]
[It works... I think... because at the four-minute mark, Xandir finally finds a letter on Foxxy.]
XANDIR: I've got an "N"!
WAITOHOORU: Xandir has found a letter! Remember, you have to beat five minutes twenty-nine seconds!
[Stan and Xandir search their magnetic boards, and eventually locate an N.]
STAN: You know what... screw my gagging problem, I just want to beat Spanky!
WAITOHOORU: Whoa, how courageous!
[After locating his N, Stan decides to go back to licking Foxxy after all. At four minutes and twenty seconds, Stan finds another letter around Foxxy's leg (and, of course, throws up afterward).]
STAN: A "P"!
WAITOHOORU: That's the second letter! There are four more left to find!
[Stan and Xandir continue to lick Foxxy for letters... and it's not until after the five-minute mark that Xandir finds one.]
XANDIR: An "O"!
WAITOHOORU: That's the third letter! Search quickly! There are three left, and you don't have a lot of time!
WOOLDOOR[shouting]: Do it, Stan! Do it for me, pretty please?
[Stan and Xandir know they have to hustle, since Spanky could win immunity once again. Eventually, Stan finds a fourth letter on Foxxy...]
STAN: "S"!
[...but, unfortunately, it's too late.]
WAITOHOORU: Time's up! Sorry, Stan and Xandir, you weren't able to beat Spanky's time!
STAN: Yeah, I'm sorry!
XANDIR: Me too!
WAITOHOORU: The correct answer to the puzzle was "SNOOPY"! Stan and Xandir, since you didn't beat the time, Spanky is still in the running for immunity!
STAN: Wow... THAT'S lame...
STAN(CC): I was never going to beat Spanky at a challenge like this. I guess I just wasn't born to lick chocolate off women's bodies... [laughs] My dad, on the other hand, would have done this challenge much faster!
* * *
[Round 3. Toot and Clara are up next. And Foxxy is dressed in a new coat of chocolate for the occasion.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Clara... Toot... if either one of you can beat five minutes twenty-nine seconds, then that person will win immunity. If not, Spanky gets it. Ready to lick some chocolate off Foxxy's body?
SPANKY: Well, I'm ready to WATCH you lick chocolate off her body!
TOOT[to Spanky]: Oh, shut up...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, your time begins right now!
[Clara and Toot both begin to lick chocolate off Foxxy's body. Meanwhile, Spanky wolf-whistles at Clara and Toot licking chocolate off Foxxy's body. And Foxxy doesn't even mind it, despite how lesbian this scenario looks like...]
STAN(CC): And now Clara and Toot have to lick chocolate off of Foxxy. Two women licking chocolate off another woman... you sure as hell don't see THAT every day! Unless you're watching one of those... adult channels. You know, one of those channels kids like me aren't even allowed to watch!
[...and surprisingly enough, one of the women gives up...]
CLARA: I... I can't do this.
WAITOHOORU: Really? You don't want to go through with this, huh?
CLARA: She's a black woman! Do you even know what kind of STD's that woman might have?
FOXXY: Say WHAT?
TOOT: Yeah, since she may have gotten them from having sex with Spanky!
STAN: Oh no...
[Stan immediately vomits his guts out.]
TOOT[to Clara]: You should know, Clara, you had sex with him too!
CLARA[flabbergasted]: Oh my god...
[A crying Clara places her head in Waitohooru's arms once again... and Waitohooru just happened to be standing next to Clara's chair at the time.]
TOOT[sarcastically]: Well, surprise, surprise!
STAN(CC): Clara immediately gave up just as soon as she started the challenge. Actually, ONE woman licking chocolate off another woman is enough for me, thanks.
[Shot of Waitohooru and Clara sharing the same camera confessional.]
WAITOHOORU(CC): Clara gives up on the challenge, and she comes into my arms once again for support. We haven't given up on the love triangle. It's like the Bermuda Triangle, only it involves LOVE!
CLARA(CC): So that means people from Bermuda don't believe in love, then?
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU(CC): Let me guess, your father told you that?
CLARA(CC): Actually, he didn't. My stepmother did.
CLARA: I... I can't do this. I quit.
TOOT[to Clara]: Your loss, toots! I'm going to continue this challenge, so THERE!
CLARA: Toot, are you insane? You want to lick chocolate off a woman with STD's?
TOOT: Damn straight, princess!
SPANKY: At least it's more straight than Xandir will ever be.
XANDIR: Hey! That's enough!
STAN(CC): So, now Toot decides to lick Foxxy all by herself. Yeah, I know she's a bitch, and I want her gone... but yet, she's the lesser of two evils at this point. Besides, she'll probably win this anyway, since she loves to eat!
TOOT(CC): Yeah, most challenges were rigged to let Spanky win. But according to the script, I'm the winner of this one, because I'm a fast eater! A-duuuuuh! Besides, if I threw the challenge to let someone else eat faster than me, Stan would be suspicious.
[Toot licks Foxxy... and hard... as she comes up with the first letter very quickly.]
TOOT: "E"!
* * *
[At one minute thirty seconds, she finds another letter...]
TOOT: "P"!
* * *
[Thirty seconds later, she finds another...]
TOOT: "Y"!
* * *
[...and another...]
TOOT: "P"!
* * *
[...and another.]
TOOT: "E"!
* * *
[Toot finds the last letter just before reaching the three-minute mark.]
TOOT: "O"!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, you've found all the letters! Now unscramble them, and tell me the cartoon character's name!
[Toot fiddles with the magnetic letters, trying to think of the answer.]
TOOT(CC): Both Spanky and I have had votes against them, so either one of us could be a target... or so the script says. You can just feel the intensity, as I try to come up with a solution that will keep me in the house longer, so that I can bring more drama into this house! Besides, we all knew what the answers were in advance! Hee hee hee, toot!
[It is now the four-minute mark, and Toot is still playing with the letters...]
STAN: I think I know what it is...
[And at 4:20 (which is the universal code for marijuana, by the way), she announces her solution...]
TOOT: "POPEYE"!
WAITOHOORU: "POPEYE" is correct! Toot, you did it in four minutes twenty seconds! You beat Spanky's time, so you've won immunity!
TOOT: Yay!
SPANKY[under his breath]: Aw, god dammit...
WAITOHOORU: Congratulations, Toot!
[Waitohooru puts the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe around Toot. It fits around Toot's body, since it's a one-size-fits-all robe.]
TOOT[to Clara]: I've won another challenge today, and you haven't won jack! You're a loser, princess! A *loser*!
CLARA: Well, at least I didn't eat any infected chocolate, like you did!
TOOT: But I ate a lot more than you did! Like I said, you're a loser!
STAN(CC): So, Toot got immunity... and now I cannot vote her off. But there is a bright side to this --- Spanky DIDN'T get immunity today, so I can still vote HIM off! Maybe I'll actually accomplish what I couldn't yesterday.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, put the claws away, girls. Once again, I remind you that Toot has immunity, and you cannot vote against her during tonight's eviction. Five of you, however, will be vulnerable.
SPANKY: I'm not going to be the one leaving tonight.
XANDIR: And... why not?
SPANKY: Well, you'll see. You'll see why I won't be leaving. I'll do something to make sure I'm not the one going!
XANDIR[rolling his eyes]: Okay, what-EVER!
WAITOHOORU: Anyway, think closely about who you want to vote off, because as the game becomes more and more --- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[We see that Toot, even though the challenge is over, is still licking chocolate off Foxxy's body.]
TOOT: I want some more chocolate!
WAITOHOORU: There's plenty of chocolate in the kitchen! Besides, the challenge is over!
[Toot continues to lick chocolate off of Foxxy.]
FOXXY: That's it! Foxxy has to split, y'all! Peace!
[Foxxy dashes out of the Drawn Together house... so fast that all that is left of her is a cloud of cartoon smoke. Luckily, Waitohooru restrains Toot so she can't chase after her.]
TOOT: Speaking of peace, I want another piece of your chocolate, Foxxy! Come back here!
SPANKY: Whoa, talk about fast food!
STAN[to Wooldoor]: Dude, what the hell just happened?
WOOLDOOR: I don't know, but it certainly was fun! Wheeeee!
* * *
[Shot of Stan walking downstairs from the Master Bedroom, into the living room. He notices Xandir talking on the phone once again. It seems to be another one of those pretend conversations, but...]
XANDIR[on the phone]: Hello... South Park Elementary? May I speak to Herbert Garrison, please?
STAN[shocked]: M... Mr. Garrison?!
STAN(CC): Xandir was talking on the phone once again, and you will not believe who he talked to this time. My teacher, Mr. Garrison.
XANDIR(CC): Yeah, I know the calls I make are usually, like, totally unreal, but not this one! The Animation Alliance asked Stan's teacher to make a cameo appearance as one of my alleged "gay friends"! You know, I'm still surprised Stan actually learns from this teacher, since he's, like, gayer than me!
XANDIR[on the phone]: Oh, so you're thinking of becoming a woman? A sex change operation, huh? Well, boyfriend, in my opinion, you should be happy just being yourself and...
STAN[under his breath]: Sex change operation...?
STAN(CC): ...And... and I found out that Mr. Garrison wants a sex change operation. I mean, I was freaked out before when I found out Mr. Garrison was gay... but now he wants to be a woman? Maybe I should ask my parents if I could be transferred to another school or something...
XANDIR(CC): Mr. Garrison wanting a sex change operation was, surprisingly enough, not scripted. He really does want one... this is why I never undergo these things. I mean, sex change operations can greatly reduce a man's stats... as well as cosmetically increase his breast size.
XANDIR[on the phone]: Oh yes, he's here right now!
[Xandir puts the phone down.]
XANDIR[to Stan]: Stan, sweetie, it's for you!
STAN: Oh really...
[Stan picks up the phone. While most of Xandir's phone conversations were with dead air, this conversation was with the actual Mr. Garrison... for plot purposes. That is, if Animated Joe Schmo ever had a plot to begin with.]
STAN: Mr. Garrison?
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Stan! Is that you? I recognize your voice!
STAN: Yeah, and I recognize yours... but I have the feeling I won't any longer because of... well, you know...
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Well, anyway, I hope you're doing your homework, Stan!
STAN: Dude, it's summer vacation! Why would I do homework? Besides, I'm on a reality show!
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: I know, one of your friends told me! Oh, and I wouldn't hook up with the black girl if I were you.
STAN: Uh, the black girl isn't in the house anymore, so... you don't need to worry about that.
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Yeah, because they have so much poontang up the wazoo... not good for you, Stan. Anyway, hope you win, our school really needs new funding! You know, like for a Jacuzzi, or at least a pool table...
STAN: Dude, what would grade-school kids want with a Jacuzzi?
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Oh sorry, that's for me. My bad!
STAN: Yyyyyeah.
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Anyway, Mr. Slave wants to say hi! I'll get him for you.
STAN: Ooo... kay?
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: ...Well, here he is!
MR. SLAVE[on the other end]: Ooooooh! Jethuth Chritht! Ith that you, Thtan?
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Yeah, Stan, that was Mr. Slave, the teacher's assistant, or...
STAN: ...or "the teacher's ass", yeah, I know, I know.
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Well, anyway, I've gotta go. Mr. Slave and I are going shopping for some new outfits at J-Mart. I think I'll buy a purple tanktop, because it'll go great with Mr. Slave's pink one!
STAN: Uh... sure, okay. Bye, Mr. Garrison!
MR. GARRISON[on the other end]: Bye, Stan!
[Mr. Garrison hangs up, and conveniently, so does Stan. Just as soon as Stan hangs up, Toot approaches both him and Xandir.]
XANDIR: Oh, hi, Toot.
STAN: Hey.
TOOT: Well, I think we all know who we need to vote off, right? I'll give you a hint: it's not me!
STAN: Yeah, it's Spanky.
XANDIR: Yeah, because he didn't win immunity... plus we all think he's worn out his welcome.
TOOT: Well, I have a different target in mind.
XANDIR: Really, who is it?
TOOT: Clara.
STAN: Clara?
XANDIR: Oh, I get it, the whole rivalry between you and her over the host.
TOOT: And it's not just that. You see, the entire game, in my opinion... is rigged.
STAN: Huh?
TOOT(CC): I actually told Stan the truth, that Animated Joe Schmo is indeed rigged. But I told it in such a way to make him think Waitohooru rigged it to favor Clara... and in a way as bitchy as possible, so he wouldn't believe me. Yeah, it's risky... but I guess I'm just one of those women who like to take risks!
TOOT: Yeah, Waitohooru rigged this game... to let Clara win the whole thing.
STAN: No, you're just jealous of her!
XANDIR: Yeah, quit being jealous, Toot!
TOOT: Think about it. Has anyone other than Clara had a friend or family member visit the Drawn Together house?
STAN: No, but... I did just get a call from Mr. Garrison, my teacher, if that's what you mean...
TOOT: Yeah, but he didn't visit. [turns to Stan] None of your family and friends visited this house, Stan... in fact, I didn't get any visit from any members of MY family, [turns to Xandir] you didn't get any visits from your family, Xandir... Spanky and Wooldoor didn't get any visits from their families... hell, not even Foxxy, Captain Hero, or Ling-Ling got visits from their families! Face it, Waitohooru is treating Clara like royalty... well, mainly because she IS royalty, but y... you get the idea!
XANDIR: Yeah, Toot, I see what you mean, but if he really did that, he would totally let Clara win all the challenges... and I don't think she's won that many.
STAN: Yeah, I think you won more challenges than she did...
XANDIR: That's right, Toot, you won the immunity challenge, and the reward challenge before that... and the battle of the sexes competition where I got to go to a spa with you...
STAN: That's right!
XANDIR: ...And I do believe that was the only challenge that Clara ever won, so you're really in no position to say that he's spoiling her.
TOOT: Yeah, but, I mean... think about it. He could be rigging the remaining challenges so that she could win all of them. Do you want to risk having her win immunity? I don't. ...Okay?
STAN: Jesus... I don't know what to...
TOOT: Clara's been lucky so far... she's coasted throughout this game without a single vote against her. And we want that to change, don't we? So think about it. Follow the advice of the girl with the immunity robe. You'll be glad you did.
STAN(CC): Jeez, Toot has become a control freak. She's been like this ever since she won immunity, and she thinks everyone should bow down to her just because she won it. I really want to vote Spanky off... but I have the feeling she'll probably force everyone to vote her way... again.
STAN: Well... maybe we'll think about it.
XANDIR: I don't know, Toot... I was so going to vote off Spanky tonight... but if you really want her gone...
TOOT: Trust me, she's outta here. I mean, unless something happens to make her stay in the game longer, like, say, one of us getting expelled for violating the rules, or one of us getting killed... but really, what are the chances of THAT happening?
CLARA(OS, shouting): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
STAN: Was that Clara?
TOOT: Don't listen to her! She's just screaming because she wants attention!
STAN: So, you do too...
TOOT: Yeah, but at least I *admit* it!
CLARA(OS, crying): Someone... please look at this!
[All of a sudden, Xandir pulls out his sword.]
XANDIR: Yeah, I know the whole damsel-in-distress thing is so cliché, but I feel compelled to save her! She could be in trouble!
[Xandir races out of the living room and toward the courtyard.]
TOOT[under her breath]: And if she isn't, she's gonna be...
STAN: Toot, this could be serious. I'm going to follow him, okay?
TOOT: Yeah, sure, do whatever.
* * *
[Stan leaves the living room, and enters the courtyard. He immediately notices a crying Clara looking down at the deep end of the swimming pool. Of course, I could have written it as "Looking down at the deep end of the swimming pool, he immediately notices a crying Clara", but that would imply that Stan was looking down at the deep end of the swimming pool, not Clara. That's why I'm the author.]
STAN(CC): When I entered the backyard, I saw Clara crying... she must have seen something horrifying. And I found out what it was...
[Stan approaches Clara.]
STAN: Clara, what's the matter?
CLARA[crying]: I... I think he's dead, Stan...
STAN: Huh?!
CLARA[crying]: Look... look in the swimming pool, and you'll believe me...
[Stan looks in the swimming pool, and notices Wooldoor's unconscious body lying on the bottom of the pool. Wooldoor's eyes are closed, and his mouth is open, and none of his body parts are moving.]
STAN(CC): It was something I didn't want to see... I saw Wooldoor, and he was on the bottom of the swimming pool, and he wasn't moving. Spanky must have done this... I mean, he's been bugging the crap out of him threatening to give him "swimming lessons"...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of the dinner conversation from Episode 1.]
STAN[to Wooldoor]: Dude... you can't swim, huh?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, I never really learned to swim.
SPANKY[to Wooldoor]: So? I'll teach you how to swim, boy!
WOOLDOOR: B... but I don't want to swim! The water scares me!
SPANKY[smirking]: What's the matter, Spongebob? I thought you LOVED the water, particularly since you live under the sea!
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of Spanky threatening Wooldoor again in Episode 5.]
STAN: Oh please tell me you aren't going to...
SPANKY: That's right. The boy has obviously been wading in the kiddie pool for too long. It's time... for ADULT SWIM!!!
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of Spanky whispering his threat to Wooldoor before the immunity challenge.]
WOOLDOOR[shouting]: Noooo! He's doing it again! Make him stop! Anyone!
[Xandir notices Wooldoor freaking out, and motions Waitohooru to come to him.]
XANDIR: Um, Waitohooru, may I talk to you for a second?
[End flashback.]
* * *
WOOLDOOR(CC): According to the script, I would have to stay at the bottom of the swimming pool for a long time, motionless, to get the impresssion that someone, maybe Spanky, tried to drown me. I was worried that I would die, but the Animation Alliance assured me that if I *did* die, they would let me try out this thing they have called the McCormick Reaper! Hmm... sounds cool! I wanted to try it out, so... I did what the script said. I hope it's not one of those things you have to put a quarter in, because I don't have any change with me...
[Shot of Wooldoor, still lying at the bottom of the swimming pool, unmoving. Clara, Stan, and Xandir are watching.]
XANDIR: Dear lord... if I had known this was going to happen, I would have brought several Leaves of Yggdrasil with me!
STAN: My god... who could have done this?
TOOT(OS): I'll tell you who probably did this...
[Stan, Clara, and Xandir turn to see Toot entering the courtyard.]
XANDIR: Toot?
TOOT: It was Clara all along! The princess is a cold-blooded killer!
CLARA: What?!
STAN(CC): And Toot comes out of the house, and she says that Clara killed Wooldoor... there's no way in hell that I believe a single word of that! I bet you that Toot said that so she could try to get Clara voted off. I still think Spanky did it...
[Suddenly, Spanky emerges from a niche in the courtyard... in fact, the very same niche he used in Episode 5. Except it no longer has any of the stolen stuff in it.]
SPANKY: What? I was trying to take a crap! Honestly! That's the only thing I was doing... just now. What the f*** happened?
TOOT: Oh, there you are, Spanky.
XANDIR: Yeah, Wooldoor Sockbat just drowned in the swimming pool... in the deep end.
SPANKY: What a dumbass... doesn't he know he can't even SWIM in the deep end?
STAN: Maybe someone pushed him in!
TOOT: Yeah, maybe a certain princess who shall remain nameless. *COUGH*COUGH*Clara*COUGH*!
CLARA: Please... you guys, I didn't do this!
TOOT[mocking Clara]: "Oh, you guys, I didn't do this!" Tell it to the judge, why don'tcha!
CLARA: I did not kill Wooldoor! I took a royal oath, and I swore I would never kill anyone... particularly after seeing those naughty Saudis killing people on TV!
STAN: You guys, maybe she didn't do this.
SPANKY: I can tell you that I definitely did NOT do this! I *did*, however, do Clara last night, and Foxxy the night before that!
CLARA: Ewww! Don't remind me of that!
TOOT: Anyway, it's almost time for the eviction ceremony. I'm gonna put the robe on, because I'm staying, and she's leaving. See ya later, boys!
[Toot goes back inside the house.]
CLARA: Seriously, I did not kill him! Please believe me!
STAN(CC): Jesus f***ing Christ... if I had quit the game before, I wouldn't have seen what I just saw. And now some people want to vote Clara off... then again, if she really killed Wooldoor, she could be expelled for violating the game's rules... but maybe she didn't and it's that son of a bitch Spanky who murdered him, so HE could be going instead... either way, the eviction ceremony is one I am so looking forward to, because I know I'm not going tonight!
* * *
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[The fourth eviction ceremony is going to begin. Just like the three before it, it starts with a slow-motion shot of the five remaining contestants (minus the now-"deceased" Wooldoor) walking down the hall to the basement, and the Room of Doom. The table is also set up, with the cels for each of the five.]
[Eventually, all five contestants have entered the Room of Doom. Toot is wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe this time.]
[The five contestants are greeted by Waitohooru, who comes down the stairs and takes his place in front of them.]
TOOT[to Waitohooru]: Well?
WAITOHOORU: Well, what?
TOOT: Aren't you going to tell everyone how they can't vote against me because I'm wearing the immunity robe?
WAITOHOORU: Well, actually, I'm not going to tell everyone that... because I believe a vote will not be necessary tonight.
ALL EXCEPT WAITOHOORU: What?
WAITOHOORU: You see... this eviction ceremony is a bit different than usual. Normally, someone would be eliminated by being voted off... but, in light of recent events that have been happening in the Drawn Together house lately, someone is going to be automatically banished from the game instead.
[All five contestants are shocked.]
WAITOHOORU: That's right. One of the five of you has violated a rule that you all agreed to when you signed up to be on this show.
[Waitohooru pulls out a scroll of paper, and removes the ribbon that ties it together, causing a very long piece of paper to start unrolling like a huge roll of toilet paper. Waitohooru shuffles through the paper until he gets to the section he wants to read to everyone.]
WAITOHOORU: According to the official rules of Drawn Together, rule 18-J clearly states, "Under no circumstances is a contestant allowed to commit any act of murder, or any physical attack that institutes bodily harm. Failure to comply by this rule will result in immediate expulsion from the game."
[Waitohooru rolls the scroll back up, and places the ribbon back around it.]
STAN: Damn...
WAITOHOORU: As you may have figured out by now... one of you has murdered Wooldoor Sockbat, thus violating this rule.
TOOT[to herself]: It's Clara...
WAITOHOORU: Therefore, the Animation Alliance has requested that the person who murdered Wooldoor be expelled from the Drawn Together house immediately. The houseguest I speak of...
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[Long silence. Toot is crossing her fingers.]
TOOT[to herself]: Please let it be Clara... oh please oh pleeease let it be Clara...
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WAITOHOORU: ...is Spanky Ham!
ALL EXCEPT WAITOHOORU: What?!
SPANKY: What?! You're lying! I didn't kill him!
WAITOHOORU: Spanky Ham, we have surveillance footage of you drowning Wooldoor in the swimming pool, ending his life prematurely.
SPANKY: You're bluffing!
[Waitohooru pulls out a video cassette, and places it into a VCR. He turns on a TV, and presses the PLAY button on the VCR.]
[On the monitor, we find an image of a scene shot just near the swimming pool, just before the eviction ceremony. In this scene, Wooldoor Sockbat is relaxing in a deck chair. Spanky Ham approaches Wooldoor from behind, silently picks the sleeping Wooldoor up, and dunks him in the deep end. Wooldoor screams and shouts a bit, but Spanky pulls out a huge anvil and drops it on Wooldoor, squishing him flat, and causing him to sink like a stone to the bottom of the pool. Spanky waits a while, then pulls the anvil out, and sheepishly walks away, leaving Wooldoor at the bottom of the pool. Waitohooru then presses the STOP button on the VCR to end this gruesome (yet hilarious) scene.]
STAN: Holy sh**, dude.
SPANKY: Dude, did you use digital editing or something?
WAITOHOORU: The tape never lies, Spanky. That was from today, and it was of you killing Wooldoor!
SPANKY: I was giving him swimming lessons! I wanted to put a flotation device on him or something... and I had no idea where that anvil came from, but I did not use it to kill him! It was an accident! You gotta believe me!
WAITOHOORU: The Animation Alliance has spoken. Spanky Ham, you are officially banned from the Drawn Together house!
SPANKY: No, dude! I am not banned!
WAITOHOORU: You have committed an act of murder, and you are going to be leaving the game tonight!
SPANKY: So? I'm not the only one who violated this rule!
[Spanky points at Xandir.]
SPANKY: Look at Xandir! He threatened me with his sword!
[Spanky points at Toot.]
SPANKY: And Toot! She got into a catfight with Foxxy!
[Spanky points at Clara.]
SPANKY: And Clara! She has those gigantic... tentacle things that are capable of dealing a huge amount of damage!
[Spanky points at Stan.]
SPANKY: And Stan... well, I don't know if Stan has done anything violent yet, but he might... eventually! So why am *I* on trial here?
WAITOHOORU: Spanky, it's time for you to go.
SPANKY: No. No, it isn't.
[Waitohooru picks up Spanky's cel off the table.]
WAITOHOORU: Spanky Ham, since you killed Wooldoor, your show has not only been cancelled, but it has also been outlawed internationally!
SPANKY: Don't you dare!
[Waitohooru throws Spanky's cel into the burning fire in the fireplace.]
SPANKY: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
[Spanky jumps into the fireplace, attempting to retrieve the burning cel, but ends up getting burned by the scorching fire as a result. He rolls around on his body trying to extinguish the fire, and then starts peeing on the fire to try to put it out... before Waitohooru drags him away.]
STAN: Dude, this is totally f***ed up right here.
XANDIR: I agree.
[Spanky wriggles free from Waitohooru's grasp.]
SPANKY[pissed off]: You know what? F*** you, Clara... f*** you, Xandir... f*** you, Stan... f*** you, Toot... and f*** YOU, Waitohooru! All of you motherf***ers... all of you can eat sh**!
[Spanky raises both of his middle fingers at the other four contestants. All four of them, and Waitohooru, are shocked.]
SPANKY: I'm not going anywhere! I'm staying right here, so just try to stop me!
[Waitohooru sticks two fingers in his mouth, and whistles loudly. Henry and Dave immediately race down the stairs in their policeman outfits (Tiny Toon Mole, anyone?) and start to grab hold of Spanky very tightly.]
SPANKY: Get the f*** off me, you officers! I didn't do anything wrong!
XANDIR[to Spanky]: Goodbye, Spanky, and good riddance!
SPANKY[shouting]: No! Let go of me! You're making a huge mistake!
[Henry and Dave continue to drag a screaming and shouting Spanky back upstairs, and out of the Drawn Together house for good.]
SPANKY(OS): No!!! LET ME GO, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!!!!!!
[Eventually, there is silence.]
XANDIR: So... Spanky's finally out of here...
STAN[smiling]: Dude, I've gotta say it... kick ass!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, I know these recent eviction ceremonies have been unusual lately, so hopefully by tomorrow everything will be back to normal. Anyways, think about what has happened today, and in the past, so that you can avoid his fate. The four of you are getting close to the finals, so don't blow what could be your last chance. I'll see all four of you tomorrow.
[Waitohooru walks quietly up the stairs.]
STAN(CC): So... no more Spanky. My biggest enemy is finally out of the Drawn Together house... but then again, Spanky killed Wooldoor... one of my biggest allies in the game. I... I am really going to miss Wooldoor. But I am definitely NOT going to miss Spanky, that's for damn sure!
[Shot of Spanky and Wooldoor sharing a camera confessional.]
WOOLDOOR(CC): Stan... if you're watching this, we're really sorry for all the trouble we caused you! Please forgive us!
SPANKY(CC): Boy, it has certainly been an awesome six days, hasn't it, Wooldoor?
WOOLDOOR(CC): Yeah, Spanky, and we definitely had a lot of fun!
[Flashback shot of Stan forming an alliance with Wooldoor in Episode 3.]
WOOLDOOR(VO): Stan... thank you once again for forming that alliance with me! I feel like I've made a friend for life!
SPANKY(VO): Outside of "Drawn Together", that is! [laughs]
[Flashback shot of Stan saving Wooldoor from being drowned in the pool in Episode 5.]
SPANKY(VO): If there's one thing I admire about this kid... he'll definitely stick up for whoever I harass, or molest, or bother, or tease, or bully, or nudge, or... whatever the hell I do to anyone.
WOOLDOOR(VO): My hero! Wheeee!
[Flashback shot of Spanky humping Stan's body during the Master Debater challenge.]
SPANKY(VO): I guess you must hate me now after what I did to you, Stan. But that's just my personality. I am what I am, so what you see is what you get. Deal with it, okay?
[Cut back to Spanky and Wooldoor in the camera confessional.]
SPANKY(CC): So... what did we learn from all this?
WOOLDOOR(CC): We learned that honey is sticky, and that chocolate is tasty! Wheee!
SPANKY(CC): Um... yeah, I guess we DID learn that. Anyway, both of us are gone now, but Stan is going to be pissing in his pants when we come back earlier than expected!
WOOLDOOR(CC): Yeah! I want to play with him some more!
SPANKY(CC): In due time, Wooldoor. In due time.
WOOLDOOR(CC): Yaaaaay!!!
* * *
[Cut to a shot of the four remaining contestants - Stan, Clara, Toot and Xandir - in the living room.]
XANDIR: You know what... this eviction ceremony was rather bittersweet.
STAN: I know... I still can't get over the fact that he killed Wooldoor. I guess Spanky deserves it for being such a dick to him.
TOOT: Yeah, it was so mean of him... I mean, how he violated Foxxy and how he violated Clara...
[Toot suddenly breaks down in tears.]
CLARA: Aw, that's so sad.
TOOT: I know... why couldn't he have violated ME?!
[Toot continues to cry her eyes out.]
XANDIR: Ah, but we're still here, aren't we?
CLARA: That's true!
STAN: Yeah, I never thought I'd ever be able to make it THIS far...
TOOT: Me neither!
STAN: Now that Spanky's gone, I can sleep tonight!
XANDIR: Of course, you don't have to sleep just yet...
CLARA: You mean...
XANDIR: That's right! Slumber party in my room, you guys!
TOOT[excited]: I know you just used the words "slumber" and "party" in the same sentence!
* * *
[Fast-forward to a shot of all four remaining contestants, in the Red Room, in their pajamas. Stan is wearing his Terrance and Phillip PJs, Toot is wearing a slinky black negligee, Clara is wearing a purple nightie... while Xandir, being the gay guy that he is, is wearing a hot pink ensemble.]
STAN(CC): We were having a slumber party to celebrate Spanky's banishment from the game, and we started off by playing Truth or Dare...
TOOT: So, Xandir, truth or dare?
XANDIR: Um... truth?
TOOT: Okay, Xandir... tell me the truth. Have you kissed your girlfriend on the lips?
CLARA: Ooh!
XANDIR: Come on, guys, that's not fair!
TOOT: Tell me, or I'm going to tell everyone you're gay!
STAN: Yeah, she'll do it!
XANDIR: Well... I haven't been with my girlfriend a whole lot since she keeps getting kidnapped... but... ...yes, we did kiss. I rescued her from Lord Slashstab's castle, and we locked lips.
TOOT: Just what I wanted to hear!
XANDIR: Okay, now it's my turn! Clara, truth or dare?
CLARA: Truth!
XANDIR: All right then... Clara... do you really have a crush on Waitohooru?
STAN AND TOOT: Oooooh!
CLARA: Stop it, you guys... you're putting me in a difficult situation here!
TOOT: Spill it, princess!
CLARA: Actually... I do now, since my original boyfriend killed himself today. I love Waitohooru despite the fact that he has autism and God will send him to Hell because of it.
[Silence.]
STAN: Oooo...kay, then.
TOOT: You admitted it! You admit that you like him!
XANDIR: You go, girlfriend!
CLARA: My turn... Stan, truth or dare?
STAN[under his breath]: God...
STAN(CC): I remember playing truth or dare once before... and it was with Wendy and Bebe. I had a strategy for this, and I had to say truth the first couple of times, or else I'd seem too eager. But neither of them are here, so...
STAN[in sexy voice]: Daaaaare.
CLARA: All right, then. Stan... I dare you to show me what a pillow fight is!
STAN: What?
CLARA: I have never been involved in a "slumber party" before, but I have heard they have pillow fights, and I want to take part in one!
[Stan picks up a pillow off of Xandir's bed.]
STAN: Well, in that case...
[Stan raises the pillow over his head, and hits Clara with it.]
CLARA: Oh, that feels so soft!
[Clara picks up another pillow, and hits Xandir with it.]
XANDIR[giggling]: Ouch... that DIDN'T hurt!
CLARA: Oh, you!
TOOT: Feh! You call that a pillow fight? I'll show you!
[Toot picks up another pillow, and hits Clara with it. In fact, Clara seems to be the only one Toot threw pillows at throughout the entire slumber party.]
[Stan takes advantage of this opportunity by throwing another pillow at Toot.]
STAN[sarcastically]: Um... I slipped?
[Fast-motion sequence of all four contestants throwing pillows at each other, laughing the night away.]
STAN(CC): The pillow fight lasted long into the night. It seemed like, for a moment, everyone just forgot about the game. But there are only two days left. Two days. And those two days are probably going to be filled with more surprises than I ever thought possible. I hope I can survive the next execution, because I really think I deserve to be the final three. I must win this game... for me... for my family... and for Wooldoor. I must win this...
* * *
***END EPISODE 6***
***PREVIEW OF EPISODE 7***
WAITOHOORU(VO): Next time, on Animated Joe Schmo...
STAN: No! Anything but that! Please!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan's biggest nightmare comes back to haunt him...
STAN(CC): So much for a stress-free game...
WAITOHOORU(VO): And a reward challenge so controversial...
STAN: You people really make me sick!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...it has Stan negotiating with the Animation Alliance!
STAN: Well, the last challenge... it sucked huge portions of ass!
WAITOHOORU(VO): And the final immunity challenge has a major twist!
STAN(CC): To be honest, I don't know whether to try for immunity at this point...
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan will definitely not believe what happens at the next eviction ceremony...
STAN[stunned]: Wow...
* * *
Author's Notes:
Ah, so much can happen in one single episode! I mean, Spanky violating Clara, Stan getting handcuffed to Clara, Prince Charming and Clara's father coming to visit, everyone licking chocolate off Foxxy's body, Spanky drowning Wooldoor in the pool, Spanky getting kicked out of the house, and the four contestants having a slumber party. Yep, it's just your typical day in the Drawn Together house, isn't it?
Now, I will discuss Wooldoor Sockbat and Spanky Ham. Wooldoor is partially like Brian, who is the buddy and shares similar interests with Joe Schmo, and wants to be Joe Schmo's ally. And he's also like Kip, not that he's gay (is he?), but because The Asshole keeps treating him like a doormat (as I saw in Episode 4 of Drawn Together). In this case, Spanky would keep taunting him about throwing him in the deep end of the swimming pool.
Which brings me to Spanky Ham. And guess which Joe Schmo character I matched him up with? That's right. The Hutch. The ultimate bad boy. The houseguest who shows up uninvited. The guy you just want to kick out of the house. That's who I mean... you know, since he's apparently from one of those alleged Flash cartoons made by someone who thinks Flash animation is just an excuse to get away with puerile, immature potty humor.
And of course, Spanky Ham got expelled from the house. Of course, if you've seen Joe Schmo, you know what this means... and I won't spoil it for you.
Now, the challenges. Money, Money, Money, Honey was the reward challenge used in Episode 6 in the actual series. And yes, the host was uncomfortable in that bee outfit, and yes, someone's chest was digitally blurred out (it was Brian's, for basically no reason whatsoever other than a sight gag). The reward for this challenge was different, because while the original offered a trip to Tahiti as a prize, this one offers a cash prize equal to the amount the winning team got. I believe that was the same prize offered in a Roomies challenge.
And in the immunity challenge in the actual series, yes, the contestants did lick chocolate off the models' bodies to find letters and unscramble them to form a six-letter word. I believe that Joe Schmo's gag reflex was exploited in that challenge as well. And yes... The Bitch won that one.
If you haven't read Grim Reality, you don't know about the McCormick Reaper. It's this device that basically resurrects a cartoon character from the dead, without a scratch. (Which could explain why Kenny keeps coming back to life, hence the name McCormick Reaper.) So expect Wooldoor to make a surprise reappearance in an upcoming episode.
Two days left! Be there, or be square, punks (and non-punks)!
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Animated Joe Schmo