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Already Broken	By : Breech_Loader Category: Transformers > G1 > AU/AR Views: 3421 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Already Broken

Co-Written by Harley Quinn hyenaholic and Red Alert

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Harley: Yes, it is confusing. I think it’s meant to be. Let’s all work together to make Sunstreaker feel better, huh? Finally we’re back up to date. Except for one fanfic, which I intend to rewrite for some improvements.

Red Alert: Sooner or later, Tracks is gonna feel miserable too. Let’s all watch!

~~~

Chapter Six: Tell Who What?

Tracks lay back on his bunk, staring at his ceiling. He still remembered the way Sunstreaker had looked when he was making himself vomit Energon, and it scared him. Sunstreaker didn't want to ingest Energon, and didn't want Tracks to tell anybody. But it was obviously going to damage him if he kept doing it. Tracks didn't know what to do. He didn't want the Lamborghini to hurt himself. But it was getting more and more obvious that Sunstreaker didn't care if he hurt himself.

Tracks slapped a hand to his face with a sigh. He had to tell somebody. Optimus, or Ratchet, or Sideswipe. But then Sunny would just hate him even more. Then something occurred to Tracks. He'd just reached out and touched Sunstreaker's cheek, and the mech had recoiled like he was groping him hard or something. What was with that?

It was almost like something had happened before, something similar, like he'd been hurt in that way before. Maybe it was just a bad, lingering memory. Or... maybe it was hurting him? Pain didn't have to be physical, Tracks knew that. He was no stupid mech.

The mech groaned again and swung his legs off the bunk, preparing to head back to Sunstreaker's room and apologize. He wondered what could have been so bad as to make a simple touch frightening... then decided he didn't want to think about it. For something so simple and gentle to be seen as scary, something really bad must have happened to the Lamborghini in the past. Who in Primus' name was scared of a simple touch like that?

Tracks arrived at Sunstreaker's room, and was about to push open the door when he hesitated, and knocked gently, "Uh, Sunstreaker?" he called, "Are you in there?"

All he got in reply was an odd angry sob from the other side of the door, "Who cares?" a pause, then, "Go away! What do you not understand!?" Tracks quirked an optic ridge as he heard a dull thud from inside the room, then the slam of a door. Probably the door to Sunstreaker's private washracks - in which case he had to get in there and had to get in there now. He feared more of that ridiculous purging would ensue in the washracks if he wasn't there.

Tracks pushed his way into the room, looking around. He couldn't see Sunstreaker in the bunkroom, so he headed for the private washroom, looking in cautiously, "Sunstreaker? Are you here?" he asked as he looked.

A curse of frustration greeted his audios, "Slag! I said go away!!" Once again, Tracks was faced with the sight of the yellow Lamborghini crouched unceremoniously on the floor, this time only a little Energon pooled at his feet, "Are you deaf!?"

"I wanted to help," Tracks said, a note of desperation to his vocals, "And also... I wanted to say sorry. I didn't know reaching out to you would scare you like that... or I wouldn't have done it."

"Get lost," Sunstreaker huffed and resumed what he'd been doing before Tracks had interrupted him, "I don't need help!"

Tracks darted forward, grabbing Sunstreaker's wrists again, and keeping him from purging himself, "I wanted to help!" he repeated, "You could at least tell me what the big problem is with other people touching you!"

"Everything is!! But it's unimportant!" A sob wrenched itself from Sunstreaker's throat - his sore, raw throat, "Get the frag off me! What do I have to do to make you understand!?"

"If it's a problem, then it's important!" Tracks replied, "And I care! I care if you hurt yourself, and I care if you hate yourself too! Can't you see that?"

"No!" Sunstreaker twisted his wrists out of Tracks' grip and tucked his arms in. He looked uncharacteristically vulnerable that way, "I just SAID, it's not a problem and therefore isn't important! There's nothing to be solved! If I was hurting myself, feeling any pain, I would have stopped long ago!!"

"How long have you been doing this?" Tracks asked, concern on his face for once.

Sunstreaker shot him a glare, "Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Tracks replied, "You need Energon to function right, you can't just stop consuming it!"

"I can and I am! Look, I'm fine! Never been better!" Sunstreaker howled.

"You keep on bursting into tears!" Tracks said, "What the slag do I have to do to convince you that yes I care!"

Of all the things Tracks had been expecting, a sharp slap to the side of the face was not one of them, "Stop wibbling like a complete moron! I'm fine!" Sunstreaker slowly got to his feet, careful not to slip in the pink liquid below him. He made for the door, visibly pissed.

"You just tried to vomit Energon!" Tracks shouted, "It's obvious you're not fine! There's something wrong with your logic circuits!" he walked up to Sunstreaker again, "Tell me what the problem is!" he shouted, then added, his voice much softer, "Please."

Sunstreaker leaned right in this time, his face the very picture of loathing and his tone of voice stinging, "No."

Tracks looked down, then up again, "Have I done something to hurt you?" he asked, "Has anybody done something to hurt you?"

Sunstreaker visibly flinched. This was the one question he did not want to hear. For an answer he settled on a lie - yet another slagging lie, "No! Nobody's done anything!"

It was obviously a lie, and Tracks wasn't standing for that, "Okay," he said, pretending he believed Sunstreaker for a moment, "Then why don't you trust anybody?"

"Because nobody will understand me!" Oh, so now it was all spilling out, "Everyone takes me for a violent stuck-up-the-aft sociopath! They don't understand me then - so why will they even have a hope of understanding the problems I have!? Even if I went and told everyone-" tears were falling down his face now, "-they wouldn't get it! You can't understand! It's hopeless!"

This time, Tracks risked touching Sunstreaker's face with one hand, wiping his tears away gently, "I... I had no idea you felt this way," he said, "I thought if I ever told you that I cared, you'd laugh at me or something. And I'm so sorry..."

All he got in response was a single shiver visibly running down the Lamborghini's shaking frame, "This is hopeless!"

"Don't say that," Tracks pleaded, "I swear, if there's something wrong, I just want to be able to help! So please, tell me what's wrong!"

"I repeat! This is hopeless!" the yellow twin had sunk down on his knees now, his face buried in his hands, "I c-can't!"

Tracks sank to his knees in front of Sunstreaker, "Please," he begged again, "Please trust me," he took one of Sunstreaker's hands, "I... I want you to be able to trust me," he admitted, blushing again, "I want it more than anything."

"Then... what? This d-doesn't-" Sunstreaker slowly lifted his gaze to stare at Tracks with a shaken expression, "I don't know!"

"What?" Tracks asked, "What aren't you sure about? I don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to hurt yourself, and I sure as the pit don't want you to sit there telling me and you how everybody in the world hates you, because I know I don't!"

"Then-" another flood of tears, "-then why do people ACT like they do!? Why!?"

"Because... Tracks hesitated, "Because you're right, in a way. They don't always understand you," he wiped away more of the tears gently, "And I admit it; I didn't always understand either. But I want to. So please, Sunstreaker, please help me to understand why you're so unhappy..."

"You want it straight?! Fine!!" Sunstreaker looked suddenly angry, "I'm ugly!"

Tracks' optics widened, and he tried to stifle a laugh, "You? Ugly? You're trying to put me off again! Sunstreaker, you're one of the most attractive people I know! How can you say you're ugly?"

"See!?" Sunstreaker howled, "You don't get it!! You don't see what I see! It's impossible! I told you it was worthless telling you and you didn't believe me!"

"So... you'd feel happier if I agreed with you on this and said, Yes, you're ugly as a pile of scrap metal?" Tracks asked. He stopped. This wasn't helping, "Oh, Primus, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry-"

"You've said it now!" Sunstreaker was back up and on his feet in an instant. He looked strange - not quite angry, but more frightened than anything else, "See!? You agree! I was right!" The yellow Lamborghini took this opportunity to bolt from the room as he had done earlier. All he wanted was to be left on his own.

Tracks jumped to his feet and followed Sunstreaker again. He'd almost been expecting the mech to run for it, and he was only a few steps behind him.

And, again, Sunstreaker didn't know where in Primus' name he was going. He took random twists and turns throughout the base - left, right, right, right, forward, left, double take, right. He ripped through the infirmary, back through the training room, even into some personal quarters and back out again. Anything to shake Tracks, to get shot of him.

Tracks caught up with Sunstreaker as they headed into the holding cells, practically pouncing on him, wrapping his arms around the mech's chassis and holding him tightly, "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise," he said, and began to repeat the words, over and over again, "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you."

By now Sunstreaker had abandoned all pride, dissolving into a fresh wave of tears and anxiety in Tracks' arms. He took to bawling his optics out into the crook of Tracks' neck, sweaty sticky fingers tightly gripping the edges of the Corvette's windscreen. Sunstreaker wasn't entirely sure whether he believed Tracks or not, thanks to the recent wave of paranoia that had crashed down on top of him.

Tracks patted Sunstreaker's back lightly, repeating the words like a mantra, "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not, I'm not," he whispered, "I promise," he told the Lamborghini, "And you know what else?" he asked, "I won't let anybody else hurt you either. I won't. I promise."

Sunstreaker nuzzled into Tracks' neck and offlined his optics, sore and overworked from all the sleepless nights he'd had recently, "Mhm. But-" it took a minute for him to process the idea, and he attempted to pull away. Then came the shrieks, "-that's what he said! Him! And look what's happened-"

"What? Who said that?" Tracks asked, still holding onto Sunstreaker tightly, "And what did he do? Did he hurt you? Who was it?"

The Lamborghini started to squirm and writhe in Tracks' arms, awfully uncomfortable with everything at the moment, "Bumblebee said that! That's right!" more shrieks, "And- not hurt- I don't... this is confusing!" Sunstreaker was in hysterics now, utterly insane, "You have no idea!!"

"Bumblebee?!" Tracks continued to hold Sunstreaker, wondering what the young, playful bug could possibly have done to Sunstreaker to make him act this way, "What did he do?" he asked the Lamborghini, "Tell me. Please tell me. I want you to be able to trust me. And I want to be able to understand."

"He didn't DO - I did things!" He paused and inhaled sharply, "Things I regret! Things I hate now-" he broke off into a trail of sobs into Tracks' shoulder, his words muffled and unclear, "I wish I hadn't!!"

"Oh..." Tracks was starting to understand, "So... what did you do?" he asked, and patted Sunstreaker's back, "And don't worry, if it's something you don't want me to tell anybody just yet, I won't."

"What do you think we did!?" Sunstreaker howled into Tracks' audios, still deluded and so far from thinking straight, "It was wrong! So fragging wrong! I don't... he just - it was in HIS quarters, not mine, it was his fault, I swear it was! I'd never do anything like that! -Even though people say I... I don't know!"

"What did you do?" Tracks asked again, confused by Sunstreaker's hysterical ranting, "What did you do that's so terrible?"

The word slipped out in an uncharacteristic high-pitched squeak, "Interface! It was wrong! It wasn't my fault, it was his, I didn't hurt him, I swear to Primus above I didn't, no matter what you say, I didn't force him, it just happened! I don't know why! Neither does he! It just DID!"

"Oh..." Tracks looked down, "You know, there's nothing wrong with interfacing, Sunstreaker. Not if you both agreed to it. Just because you're both mechs doesn't make it some sort of crime."

"But people assume I'm gonna molest, or be evil- I'm not! I can be perfect! I can prove it!!"

"I don't think that," Tracks told him, "I don't think you're cruel or evil. A bit of a jerk sometimes, sure... But I don't think you would ever try to hurt anybody that way."

More heart-wrenching sobs escaped Sunstreaker's vocals. The yellow mech couldn't really bring himself to say anything in reply - all he felt he could do at that point in time was just cry and cry and cry away the stress and exhaustion of the past week or so. He really hadn't been able to tell anyone. Someone had to find out eventually... the only awful, ironic thing was that it was Tracks. That was the problem.

"Shhh..." Tracks murmured, changing his pats on the back to careful strokes, "Don't be like that... it's okay... it's okay..." He wiped more tears away, and carefully, gently, nervously even, planted a light kiss on Sunstreaker's forehead.

Even with the added comfort, Sunstreaker couldn't help it. The tears just kept coming and coming. He was angry yet upset, frightened, confused and lost, all at the same time. It was awful, "I don't know! I don't! I really don't! I don't know," Sunstreaker slumped against Tracks a little, grateful he was bigger than himself.

"Sunny?" Tracks said quietly, "If I do something you don't like, and you want me to stop, just tell me to stop, okay?" He swallowed, still wiping the tears away. Then he bent forward and pressed his lips to Sunstreaker's.

Sunstreaker blinked, partly because of the tears but mainly because - what in Primus' name was Tracks doing!? Did he know what he was getting himself into? Did he know what would happen if he continued? Regardless, Sunstreaker pressed forwards a little, wondering if this would be exactly the same as it was with Bumblebee.

As Sunstreaker pressed forward, Tracks' nervousness flowed away, and he continued to kiss the mech he had secretly had a crush on for years, now moving his lips gently against Sunstreaker's. Even as he did so, he continued to wipe the tears away. Part of him still wondered what it was exactly that had happened with Bumblebee, but another part badly wanted to continue.

Sunstreaker wound one arm around Tracks' waist, pulling him as close as he could get him. The yellow mech broke the kiss and buried his face in Tracks' shoulder straight away, overcome by a mixture of fear, embarrassment, and disgust with himself all in one go. He made fists against the Corvette's back, letting out a sigh and mumbling quietly against the blue metal, "You're insane."

"I'm not insane," Tracks smiled, "I'm just trying to help. And besides... I've wanted to kiss you for a long while now..." he stroked Sunstreaker's back, "Now... how about you tell me what's so bad about a handsome mech like me wanting a handsome mech like you?"

Sunstreaker started to whimper and cry into Tracks' shoulder again, trembling a little. He didn't understand why OTHERS couldn't understand, "Because I'm not handsome, Primus-fraggit!"

"Well, I think that you are," Tracks said, gently kissing away the tears and wiping away the remainder of them with a thumb, "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise," he repeated the words.

"You can think all you like," Sunstreaker snapped despite the tears, half-inclined to shove the Corvette away. Instead he gave a half-hearted push, "That's what Bumblebee said. And what a fat lot of help that was!"

"You already said that," Tracks replied, "What was it that you did to Bumblebee? I won't tell anybody, I promise."

"Not a damn lot," Sunstreaker hissed, "I'm not doing that again!" his hands darted to his waist, trying to unhook Tracks' fingers so he could get the hell out of there - the sooner he was out the better, "Let go!"

Almost to Sunstreaker’s surprise, Tracks let go of him as soon as he asked, "I wanted to help," he said, sounding disappointed.

"That's what Ratchet and Bumblebee said!" Sunstreaker spat, covering his face. Another choking sob, and he began to cry again.

~~~

Harley: Geez but Sunny’s in a right state right now. And at the moment, it can only get worse, at least until Tracks thinks of the right things to say to him.
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