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The Remnant Armada
By : DarkWolves
Category: +M through R > RWBY
Views: 65085 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY and I make no money from writing this.
Chapter List
- 56
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- 58
<Weiss and Yang sit watching a historical documentary on the Remnant Great War>

Yang: “This is so unrealistic that people would just stand around in the open like that while they’re being shot at”

Weiss: “That’s not true. There’s a saying taught at the Atlas Academy ‘Officer’s don’t duck. It does no good and it makes the soldiers nervous’”

Yang: “That’s ridiculous”

Weiss: “It’s not so far-fetched. My Great Grandfather was an officer for Atlas during the Great War and he went into battle proud and tall, not scurrying about like some field mouse”

Yang: “Remind me again, how did he die exactly?”

Weiss: “He sadly died in the war…”

<Beat>

Weiss: “He was hit in the head…”

<Beat>

Weiss: “By a cannon”

<Long Beat>

Weiss, defensively: “I’m sure there are plenty of other stories like that”

<Yang wants to be financially responsible and so calls on Weiss (As Heiress to the largest business empire in the Kingdoms) for some business advice>

Weiss: “The best way to get a handle on your finances is to take stock of your income and your expenses and then seek to cut any unnecessary costs. Let’s take a look at your last statement”

<Weiss scans her eyes across the statement in front of her>

Weiss: “Why is there a deposit here called ‘Cash for Drugs’?”

Yang: “Oh, that was from my dad. He sent me money to pay for Zwei’s worming medicine from the vets. He thinks it’s funny to come up with stupid names for the transactions”

Weiss: “I see. And ‘Sugar Daddy’?”

Yang: “That was for a cake for Rubys birthday”

Weiss: “Hush money?”

Yang: “Noise cancelling headphones”

Weiss: “Child Labour (Stripping)?”

Yang: “Summer job repainting the shed”

Weiss: “Arms Shipment?”

Yang: “Parts for my prosthetic. Frankly, I’m surprised you’re this interested”

Weiss: “I’m surprised at least one of you hasn’t been arrested”

<Weiss looks back at the statement>

Weiss: “Hot Faunus House Party?”

Yang: “That one’s mine”

<Beat>

Yang: “It’s… special interest literature”

Weiss: “Depraved Filth”

Yang: “That’s a bit harsh”

Weiss: “No, it’s next on your statement”

<Team RWBY lounge in the dorm room under lockdown>

Ruby, moaning: “I’m bored”

Weiss, nonplussed: “We’ve only been in isolation for two days”

Ruby, hanging listlessly off the edge of her bed: “And I’m boooored”

Weiss: “I’ve watched you and Yang stare motionless at your game consoles for hours on end. How can you possibly complain now?”

Ruby: “That was on my terms though. This is just… boring”

<Yang idly lounging on her bed reading articles on her scroll>

Yang: “Hey Blake, have a look at this one”

<Blake shuffles over to Yang>

Yang, reading the article: “According to studies, there has been a marked increase in the number of Huntresses and Huntsman requesting breast reduction surgery. It turns out that the repeated impacts to the chest from combat can actually result in their chest expanding to protect their vital organs. This can have adverse effects including back pain as well as reduced mobility in combat”

<Weiss sits bolt upright in her seat sitting at the desk across the dorm room>

*******************************

Ruby querying Yang: “Yang, why is Weiss punching herself in the chest like that?”

<Morning breaks in the RWBY dorm>

“Hey, lazy bum. Get up”

<Weiss wakes up with bleary eyes>

“I said get up you piece of mess. I mean it!”

Weiss, groggily: “What-”

<Weiss peeks out from her bed, looks up to see the noise coming from Rubys scroll>

“You cheeky bastard, I know you can hear me. If you don’t get out of bed right now, I will cut you! I don’t care how ridiculous that sounds, get up!”

<Ruby groans as she rolls over on her bed. She fumbles to hit her scrolls snooze button>

“You trying to be funny? Well, I’m sure as hell not laughing. I said pull your ass out of bed right now before I kick you out!”

<Ruby groans again>

“You’ve got five seconds before I come up there and throw your goddam mattress out the nearest window and I don’t much care if you’re still on it when I do!”

<Ruby finally relents. Ruby reaches out to hit her scrolls alarm button, climbing down from her bed>

Weiss, not expecting to have to ask this first thing in the morning: “Ruby, why does your scroll alarm swear at you?”

Ruby: “Oh, that. It helps me get up. Sometimes I just need a little motivation in the morning”

Weiss: “What happens if it just keeps going?”

Ruby: “The insults get louder and more obnoxious until eventually it changes tactics and just starts screaming ‘Fire!’ at you loud enough for people outside to hear”

Weiss: “What kind of sick, twisted mind would come up with something like…”

<Beat>

Weiss: “Yang!”

<Beacon students gather around at the edge of the Beacon campus. Professor Port stands in front of the assembled group dressed in bright red riding outfit and riding crop in hand>

Professor Port: “When travelling as a Huntsman, you may not have access to modern transport to travel long distances. In these instances, it may be necessary for you to utilise one of these”

<A horse trots into view. The assembled students were surprised, it’s not often you witnessed a horse with such a proud and full moustache. Yang however, looked positively terrified>

Weiss: “You ok, Yang?”

Yang, nervous: “Yeah, it’s just I’ve never really…”

Ruby, bluntly: “Yang can’t ride a horse”

Yang: “It’s not that I don’t like horses, I just don’t trust anything between my legs that has a mind of its own”

Blake, offhandedly: “That’s news to me”

Yang staring at Blake, unimpressed: “I meant the horse. I just, don’t trust them. They’re dangerous at both ends and sly in the middle”

Ruby, smiling to herself: “Sounds like Weiss after too much grape juice”

<Weiss smacks Ruby around the back of her thick head>

Ruby, still grinning: “I’ll shut up now”

<Weiss sits reviewing her scroll bill. Weiss turns to her wife sitting across the living room>

Weiss: “Ruby, the scroll bill seems unusually high this month”

Ruby: “What do you mean, Weiss?”

<Weiss shows her the bill>

Weiss: “You seem to be calling Blake rather a lot. For some reason it’s not her usual number. It’s marked as ‘Blakes Hotline’”

Ruby, a tinge of dread creeping into her voice: “Oh, that’s nothing. That’s-”

<Ruby notices Weiss dialling on her scroll. All of the colour drains from Rubys face>

Ruby, fighting to keep the panic from her voice and failing miserably as she lunges from her seat: “Weiss, you really don’t need to-”

<Ruby felt a deep chill passing through her as Weiss casually glanced over at her, her scroll raised on speaker call>

Blake purring through the speaker: “Well, hello. What can Miss Kitty do for you?”

Weiss: “Hi Blake, its Weiss”

Blake, her voice immediately snapping back to normal: “Oh, hi Weiss. What’s up?”

Weiss: “I was just wondering why Rubys calls to your new number were more expensive than usual. Are you using a new call plan?”

<Beat>

Blake: “Something like that”

Weiss: “Could you send me the details? Maybe I can help you reduce your rate”

<Beat>

Blake: “Thanks anyway Weiss, but that won’t be necessary”

Weiss: “Alright then. In that case I’ll make sure to tell Ruby to check that she’s calling the right number in the future. Wouldn’t want any more high scroll bills like this again”

Blake: “Yep, sounds good”

Weiss: “Great. Are we still on for coffee on Thursday?”

Blake: “Uh, yeah. Sure”

Weiss: “Don’t worry, this one is on Ruby. In fact, I think she’s going to be paying for a VERY long time. Talk later”

<Weiss ends the call. Weiss smiles across at Ruby still frozen in mid-lunge. Her smile said ‘Don’t worry’ but her eyes said ‘One more move and I will cut you’>

<Weiss is visiting Menagerie on a publicity tour as the new head of SDC. Blake acts as her liaison/local tour guide as they make their way through the local market. Weiss stops to talk with one of the locals>

<Blake glances aside, her eyes flash>

Blake, trying to remain calm: “Excuse me Miss Schnee, perhaps we should move on-”

Weiss, mildly dismissive: “In a minute, Blake”

<Blake decides to take decisive action. Blake delivers a kick, perhaps a little harder than necessary, into the side of Weiss’s bare shin. After finally getting the message Weiss politely wraps her conversation and continues the tour>

Weiss, once they’re out of earshot: “I understand you’re determined to keep to the schedule but was it really necessary to physically assault me?”

Blake, with calm professionalism: “Miss Schnee. I don’t know if you were aware, but during that entire conversation you were standing in front of an erotic underwear stall and the local media was fast approaching. I’m afraid I had to think fast”

<Beat>

Blake, with an indulgent grin on her lips: “Perhaps next time your advisor gives you some advice, you’ll be more inclined to listen”

<Weiss returns to the dorm. The curtains were drawn, lights off and candles flickering across every surface. Ruby was knelt in the centre of the dorm, dressed in a thick black cloak with a strange set of circular symbols drawn on the carpet>

Weiss: “Should I even ask?”

Ruby, glancing up from her ritual: “Oh, hey Weiss. Yang and I were reading up on ancient Remnant cultures for history class. Apparently, some early Faunus tribes practiced a form of Necromancy using the skull of a relative to predict the future. You’re supposed to cover the skull in a special oil and ask it questions about the future. Now, I haven’t exactly managed to get the exact right kind of oil-”

Weiss: “So you’re using olive oil?”

Ruby: “Yeah, and I didn’t know where to find a real skull so I-”

Weiss: “Stole the one from the science lab”

<Weiss glances over and notices Yang performing her own ritual across the dorm>

Weiss: “What’s Yang doing?”

Ruby: “She’s decided to try a different approach. She’s trying her hand at Pygomancy”

Weiss: “Isn’t that divination by reading someone's butt?”

Yang: “Precisely, which is why I am performing my divination using the biggest arse I could find”

<Weiss notices the copy of ‘Atlas Business’ magazine in the centre of the runes, opened to a recent article featuring Jacques Schnee>

Yang talking with Ruby: “You remember how Weiss was talking about her ancestor who fought in the Great War?”

Ruby: “You mean the one who got shot in the head because he wouldn’t duck?”

Yang: “Yeah. Turns out, there were a lot of other Schnee family members in the Atlas military during the war”

<Yang brings up Rempedia on her scroll>

Yang: “Here we are, Lieutenant Maximillian Gunther Schnee. Official records state that he died on ‘Active Service’ while stationed in Atlas Military Headquarters during a Grimm attack”

Ruby: “So?”

Yang: “Although some sources claim his actual cause of death was stumbling out of a window while drunk, collapsing in a snowdrift and dying of exposure the night before the attack”

Ruby: “I’d hardly describe that as ‘Active Service’”

<Beat>

Ruby: “Shall we tell Weiss”

<Yang already had her scroll out, calling Weiss>

Yang, with a devilish smile: “Weiss, we just thought you’d like to know Ruby and I just found out something interesting about one of your relatives. The one that was ‘Put on ice’”

<A shrill scream from the other end of the call nearly overwhelms the scrolls speaker>

<Weiss and Yang are attending marriage counselling together>

Dr Drake: “Why don’t we start with you Weiss. What does Yang do which upsets you most?”

Weiss: “How about when she gets drunk and shamelessly flirts with other women at parties?”

Yang: “Like when?”

Weiss: “How about that party we went to last summer? What’s worse, is she flirted with my sister”

Yang: “I thought that was you. How was I supposed to know she was your sister?”

Weiss: “We have the same last name”

Yang: “I didn’t ask”

Weiss: “We have the same hair”

Yang: “So do a lot of people”

Weiss: “We have the same eyes”

Yang: “I didn’t notice”

Weiss: “We have the same butt”

<Beat>

Yang: “I didn’t notice”

Weiss: “It was a family reunion, of course she was going to be related to me”

Yang: “Fine, I’ll give you that one”

Weiss: “I assumed you would have remembered her. Especially given how you also got drunk and flirted with her at our wedding reception”

Yang: “You’re still bringing that up?”

Weiss, with pure ice in her voice: “You’re still breathing?”

Yang: “Again, I thought she was you”

Weiss: “Her chest size is at least two cups up from mine”

Yang: “I told you at the time, I thought the wine made them look bigger!”
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The Remnant Armada	By : DarkWolves Category: +M through R > RWBY Views: 65085 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY and I make no money from writing this.

The Remnant Armada