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The Remnant Armada
By : DarkWolves
Category: +M through R > RWBY
Views: 65085 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY and I make no money from writing this.
Chapter List
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<GenLOCK team are waiting while the technical staff calibrate the equipment. Yasamin sits doing a crossword on her tablet>

Yasamin to Cammie: “Here’s one for you, Cammie”

Cammie: “Oh no, I’m terrible at those kinds of things”

Yasamin: “I’m sure you’ll know this one. 5 and 6 letters ‘Highland Games Participant’”

Cammie: “Hammer Thrower?”

Yasamin: “Too many letters”

Cammie: “Maide-leisg?”

Yasamin: “Again, doesn’t fit”

Chase: “Shot putter, Tug O’War, Sheaf Thrower?”

Yasamin: “Chase, stop accessing the intranet”

Kazu: “Why do you insist on having such strange sports?”

Cammie: “Caber Tosser?”

Weller from across the room: “Cammie! There’s no need for that”

<Cammie sits in her bunk, screaming her head off at her laptop. Chase phases in beside her>

Chase: “Cammie, what’s up?”

Cammie: “Its these new-fangled voice locks they’ve put on everything. I cannae get it to open!”

Chase: “Have you tried speaking slower?”

Cammie: “Yes! It still winnae open up”

Computer: “I’m sorry, can you please repeat that”

Cammie: “Cameron MacCloud, activate”

Computer: “I’m sorry, can you please repeat that”

Cammie, getting more frustrated: “Cameron MacCloud, activate!”

Computer: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you please repeat it?”

Cammie: “Activate, you useless piece of-”

Chase: “It just sounds like you’re just repeating yourself”

Cammie: “Yeah, and I’m goanna keep saying it until it understands Scottish!”

Computer: “Please speak slowly and clearly”

Cammie: “Please, please? Suck my-”

Weller over the intercom: “Cammie!”

<Cammie comes storming into the GenLOCK lab, absolutely fuming>

Cammie: “Right, where is he? Where is that conniving, devious, scheming piece of-”

Chase phases in beside her: “Cammie, what’s got you so wound up?”

Weller: “That would be me”

<Weller turns around in his chair to face them, tenting his fingers in front of him>

Cammie: “I knew it, from the moment I saw it I knew it was you. You’re the only one on this base who could come up with something so underhanded, sneaky, overbearing-”

Chase: “Cammie, what is it?”

Weller: “Miss MacCloud is referring to an, arrangement, I have agreed with the Colonel. In an effort to help Cammie curtail her profanity the Colonel has granted me administrator access to add restrictions to Cammie’s tablet as a… motivational aid.

Every time she uses one of the restricted phrases her tablet locks out net access for a pre-determined length of time or she pays a fine to unlock it into the collection tin I will be keeping on my desk. And don’t think you can get around it using Gaelic or having Valentina or Kazu teach you anything. We’ve had our top linguistics experts involved in this for some time”

Cammie, still fuming but unable to see a way around it: “Fine”

<Cammie prepares to storm off before turning around>

Cammie: “But before I go, I just want to say this”

<Cammie walks up to Wellers desk>

Cammie: “You are without a doubt the biggest *Beep* <Drop a coin in the pot> I’ve ever *Beep* <Coin> known and quite frankly if things weren’t so *Beep* <Coin> screwed up everywhere else, I’d tell you to take your *Beep* <Coin> and stick it right up your *Beep* <Coin> and see how the rest of these *Beep* <Coin> deal with your *Beep* <Coin> on their own. You truly are a monumental *Beep* *Beep* <2 coins>”

Weller: “Technically that last one was hyphenated”

<Cammie retrieves a coin from the pot>

Cammie: “Bollocks!”

<Cammie drops the coin back in the pot>

<Ruby and Weiss return to the dorm after training>

Ruby: “I keep telling you, it’s not my fault”

Weiss: “So amputating the statue of Beacon’s founder is somehow not your fault?”

Ruby: “It wasn’t my fault. His arm just happened to… fall off”

Weiss: “It didn’t ‘fall off’, you cut if off with your big, clumsy scythe. You don’t look at someone who lost a limb fighting a Nevermore and say ‘Oh that poor man, his arms fallen off’”

“Hey, speak for yourself”

<Ruby and Weiss glance over to see Yang gesturing with the remains of her bicep, her mechanical arm laid out on the table as she did maintenance>

<Team RWBY are on an assignment in the Emerald Forest. Weiss had gone ahead to scout while the other remained to set up camp. A sharp cry pierces through the forest, RBY charge through the underbrush towards it with weapons drawn. They come to a halt as they saw an unbelievable sight in front of them.

RBY stared at the spectacle as two perfectly identical Weiss’s wrestled hand to hand to overtake the other>

Weiss?: “Guys, help me. She’s a Grimm!”

Weiss??: “No, help me she’s the Grimm!”

Ruby: “You look the same, how am we supposed to tell the difference?”

Blake: “We need to ask them something only the real Weiss could know”

Yang: “You mean like what’s the withdrawal limit on daddy’s credit card?”

Blake: “No, I mean some small but significant difference we can use to tell them apart”

Yang, with a sly grin: “Well if you want small but significant, both of them could get naked and compare-”

Weiss? and Weiss?? break their fight, two pairs of piercing blue eyes staring across at Yang: “No!”

Weiss? to Ruby: “Ruby, how can you not tell it’s me. You really are a Ditz!”

<A flash of inspiration passes through Ruby>

Ruby: “And there’s where you’re wrong, fake Weiss. I know Weiss. She’s called me a lot of things since we’ve known eachother: A degenerate, an imbecile, witless, tactless, brainless, a couple of Atlesian ones I can’t pronounce, an incompetent leader, a bad kisser. But she has never once called me a Ditz!”

<Ruby fires Crescent Rose, striking their chest and causing the fake Weiss to evaporate in plume of Grimm smoke>

<Weiss, Blake and Yang stare in disbelief. Weiss is relieved to still be alive and also perturbed to learn THAT was that way that Ruby had recognised her>

Weiss: “Well, I’m glad we finally managed to sort that out. Let’s get back to-”

Yang: “Hold it! We still need to make sure YOU’RE not a Grimm mimic too”

<Devious smile comes to Yangs lips>

Yang: “Now let’s get those clothes off and-”

Weiss, flatly: “No”

<Ruby sits in the centre of the RWBY dorm atop a crude arrangement of desks made to resemble a Judge’s Bench. She has a large horsehair wig on her head and a gavel in her hand. Weiss sits in the Dock in front of her>

Ruby: “Court is now in session. Judge Ruby Rose presiding in the case of Ruby Rose vs the traitor teammate Weiss Schnee”

Weiss: “I do not recognise the authority of this court”

Ruby, sighing: “What’s the problem?”

Weiss: “Well for a start, how can you be both the plaintiff and the judge?”

Ruby repeatedly bangs her gavel: “The accused will not waste the courts time making pedantic legal points”

Weiss: “Well it hardly seems fair”

Ruby: “I assure you, Miss Benedict Schnee, my court stands for nothing but strict adherence to the principles of fair trial and innocent until- Oh hang on a minute”

<Ruby reaches into her skirt pocket and retrieves her black cap, laying it on her bench next to her>

Ruby: “I’ll be needing that. Now how do you plead. Guilty? Or extremely Guilty?”

Weiss: “Whatever happened to ‘Not Guilty’?”

Ruby, banging her gavel again: “Now you see, that is exactly the sort of legal shenanigan’s I’m talking about. I will not tolerate this in my courtroom. Call the first witness!”

Weiss: “Well, don’t I at least get a defence council?”

Ruby: “Now you’re just trying to stall, this is just an obvious delaying tactic. I know what you did, turncoat Weiss, because I was there when you did it to me. Any more outbursts like that and the bailiff will tackle you right out of here”

<Ruby gestures across to Yang standing grinning in the corner. Weiss simply rolls her eyes>

Ruby: “Call the first witness, Ruby Elizabeth Rose”

<Ruby pulls of her wig and steps down from her desk fort bench to take the witness stand>

Blake, reluctantly acting as the Prosecution, steps forward: “Miss Rose, in your own words, please describe to the court the events in question”

Ruby: “I returned from practice intent on relaxing after a hard days training, looking to relax in my bunk with good game a light treat. I went to my secret stash of snacks only to find it completely empty!

Without any provocation, back-stabber Weiss confessed ‘If you’re looking for your secret stash of snacks, I stole them all because I’m mean and I hate sweets and fun and-”

Weiss: “Objection! I didn’t say anything like that. I said I threw them out because you had hidden them under your mattress until they were all squashed and melted and pouring crumbs all over my bed”

Ruby: “Overruled, hearsay!”

<Ruby raises herself from her seat>

Ruby: “Right, no further questions”

<Ruby returns to sit at her desk fort, replacing her wig. Ruby places the black cap on top of her wig>

Ruby, sternly: “Weiss Quisling Schnee-”

Weiss: “Did you just call me ‘Quisling’?”

Ruby, sternly: “You have been found Guilty-”

Weiss: “Objection! What about the case for the defence?”

Ruby: “Oh, we haven’t got time for that. As I was saying. Weiss Judas Schnee, you have been found Guilty by this court of all charges brought against you. You are hereby sentenced to be taken from this place to a place of convivence… where you will purchase a replacement packet of Extra Chewy Gooey brand cookies”

Yang: “And a bag of kibble for Zwei while you’re there”

Ruby: “Do you have any closing remarks?”

Weiss, staring at Ruby: “Ruby, why are you wearing a pair of ears?”

<Ruby sitting on her bench with a pair of Faunus Kangaroo ears emerging from beneath her wig>

Ruby, flatly: “Because I’m hopping mad at you right now”

<Ruby and Yang sit lounging around in their shared house. They could hear sounds coming through the ceiling from their roommates upstairs and their ‘Activities’>

Ruby to Yang: “What do you think they’re doing up there?”

Yang, trying to protect her little sisters’ innocence: “Let’s just say they’re making… soup”

<Weiss and Blake eventually come down into the living room>

Ruby: “How was the soup?”

Weiss, not sure but decides to play along with her charming dolt: “Little too cold, too much salt and not enough meat”

Blake: “I’ve never heard you complain before”

<Ruby and Yang invite Weiss and Blake over for a dinner party. Even from the start things are tense as Weiss and Blake continue to make thinly veiled jabs at eachother throughout the evening.

Weiss makes a jab about Blake constantly lounging around the house reading her books. Blake swiftly counters with a comment about how Weiss’s mother must be so proud she inherited her alcohol tolerance, two whole glasses of wine and not the least bit tipsy. It all prepares to boil over for the couple as they prepare for dinner>

Yang, reaching the end of her patience: “Oh, will you two knock it off already. We all know you’re just going to shag like rabbits when you get home anyway”

Weiss, shocked: “We will not!”

Blake, quizzically: “You mean we’re not?”

<RWY stare at Blake>

<Weiss and Yang are out on an assignment together in the Emerald Forest>

Weiss: “That’s it, we’re definitely lost”

Yang: “No we’re not we’re just… differently located”

Weiss: “How is it even possible to get lost on a Navigation exercise of all things?”

Yang: “Well if someone hadn’t dropped the map in a ravine”

Weiss: “I might not have if someone else hadn’t insisted on leering over my shoulder while I was trying to read it”

<Weiss shivers as the cold night draws in>

Weiss: “I can’t believe we’re going to freeze to death out here because of your-”

<Weiss’s scroll pings in her pocket, she pulls it out>

Weiss: “Finally, I’ve got a signal on my scroll”

Yang: “Oh, give it here”

<Weiss reluctantly hands her scroll across to Yang. Yang makes a call>

“Hello, Vale Huntress Rescue. Do you need assistance?”

Yang, putting on a panicked voice: “Yes. I’m trapped in the Emerald Forest and I’m about to be eaten by Beowolves! And I’m a pregnant woman and I’m all on my own”

“Just stay calm, we’ll dispatch a rescue team immediately”

Yang, still panicked: “Oh thank you, and please hurry”

<Yang hands the scroll back to Weiss with a smirk>

Weiss, unimpressed: “You are unbelievable”

Yang, still smirking: “I know right. The bounds of my genius. Sometimes I even surprise myself”

<Beacon students are attending remote lessons via video call. Weiss joins the session only to realise hers is the only video with an anime cat filter on her screen>

Goodwitch: “Miss Schnee, if that was intended as some kind of joke it is hardly appropriate”

Weiss, panicking: “Yes, apologises Miss Goodwitch. I’m having some trouble with my scroll, I think-”

Weiss, offscreen: “Yang, were you messing with my scroll again?”

Weiss: “I am here and I just want to make it absolutely clear I am not a cat”

Blake: “I would also like to reaffirm that same sentiment”

<Weiss, Blake and Yang are making preparations for Mother’s Day>

Weiss to Yang: “It must have always been a sensitive topic for you and Ruby growing up. After what happened with Summer and all”

Yang: “Yeah, of course. We both grew up thinking of Summer as our mother, she was always there for us. Super mom and all that. The truth is, I don’t remember much about my own birth mother. After all, she left before I was born”

<Weiss and Blake stare at eachother, trying to make sense of how that’s even possible>

I just imagine Raven dropping baby Yang through her portal (Or better yet actually posting her through the mail) to Taiyang with a note pinned to her saying ‘I think this is yours’ (Which in itself has several levels of interpretation to it…)
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The Remnant Armada	By : DarkWolves Category: +M through R > RWBY Views: 65085 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY and I make no money from writing this.

The Remnant Armada