Borealis: A Zutara Story | By : jaded_priceless Category: Avatar - The Last Airbender > AU/AR - Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality Views: 34026 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, any historical figures or events, or easily recognizable persons, places or things. I make no profit from this work of fanfiction |
Chapter 49
Katara gazed at him horrified. He thought she was playing hard to get? That she wanted to be with him? That she was only fighting to protect her reputation not with everything she had to get away from him? He was insane. He was clearly insane. She didn’t want him to rape her. She didn’t want him anywhere near her.
The part of herself that felt guilty for not being able to stop him, that thought she should have been able to protect herself began to speak up, But you wanted him to kiss you when he tied you to that tree, and beneath Ba Sing Se, and at the North Pole you actually kissed him after you knocked him out. Don’t be mad he figured you out.
“But that was a crush. He was the only boy I’d been around. I didn’t want him to do that,” Katara silently argued with herself.
You wanted it. You wanted it with Taruk but you only let him kiss you. You wanted it with Jet and Haru when you let them remove your clothes and put their fingers inside you but you denied yourself at the time.
“Crushes are a normal and healthy part of growing up, so is desire. Just because I’m curious doesn’t mean I will sleep with any man,” Katara rationalized using the explanation her grandmother had given her.
Why are you so upset? Zuko, the dangerous boy you have a crush on is giving you the perfect excuses. You get to feel what it’s like to have a man between your legs and still claim you’re innocent of any crime.
“It doesn’t mean I’m looking for excuses. It doesn’t mean I want someone to take away my option to choose. I didn’t want to be forced into this!” She insisted as doubt slowly began to creep towards her rational mind.
She could hear the self recriminating part of herself laughing. You called Zuko back and offered your hand when he was leaving the bed. You heard him begging you to be still, but you didn’t even though you could feel how hard he was getting. When you were in the palace and he pulled out, you told him to hurry up and take it, what was all that if it were not choice and you weren’t freely encouraging him?
Katara’s stomach churned as she further attempted to defend herself to her own guilty conscience, “It wasn’t encouraging him. I wasn’t encouraging him. I don’t want this. I never wanted this. I wanted to save myself for my husband. I never wanted to be Zuko’s concubine. I never wanted to be used without my permission!”
So why didn’t you tell him no when he asked if you wanted to have sex with him?
Katara was barely able to roll forward before becoming physically ill.
All her life she had been taught that it was a poor excuse for a male who forced a woman. No matter what happened or what the man said, it was never the fault of the victim.
She had believed that unquestioningly until she left home to travel with Aang. They had been in quite a few places where the man had claimed the woman tempted him beyond reason and he was lured in by her charms. The local law enforcement officers, village officials, and townspeople often sided with them.
When they were at the North some of the women coming to her cousin for intimate healing and other womanly services admitted they had provoked their men. They had smiled too brightly in his presence, bent over too far while cleaning, brushed against him too closely or exposed too much skin while breastfeeding or did any number of things to inflame their husbands passions. They said they must have unknowingly wanted their men.
Katara sobbed hard enough to retch once more thinking just maybe there was a chance they were right.
Maybe she had done something to provoke Zuko. The Southern Water Tribe was the only place where women were never at fault for being raped. Maybe their belief was wrong and she had inflamed Zuko’s passions; that he’d done those terrible things to her because she tempted him. Because some part of her wanted to give into her desires but still maintain her virtue so she used her wiles to trick him into taking her so she couldn’t be blamed.
She threw up again.
Zuko tried to lift her from her pool of her own vomit but she screamed and fought; this time spraying him with mostly stomach acid. He was crying when he wrestled her onto her stomach and chained her hands behind her back pulled the pillowcase over her face. She kicked until he sat on her legs and placed her in leg irons then carried her the short distance to a shower.
She calmed down once she was in the water; when she could feel the warmth of her element washing her treacherous thoughts away even though she could feel Zuko was sitting right behind her. She opened her mouth when he removed the head covering and let the water wash the foul taste out before spitting it down the drain.
She sobbed when Zuko picked up the shampoo bottle and washed her hair. They worsened when he used the fluffiest towel she’d even felt to soap her face, arms, hands, feet and legs. She shivered uncontrollably when he freed her hands to remove her gown even though the soapy water and the towel circling her back and chest was warm. She stared dumbly when the towel was placed in her hand.
“Katara, I’m going to turn my head. Please finish cleaning yourself. I washed everything but the areas you might not want me to touch,” Zuko said quietly helping her to her feet.
Katara stared over her shoulder the entire time she bended the soapy water over her body and rinsed it back off. Zuko had not turned around. True to his word he gave her privacy to wash. She wanted to drown him. She was in the water and she could do it, but he might call another guard who watched her shower and wouldn’t allow her to bend. She still couldn’t escape, not without Sokka, Aang and Appa.
For those reasons she wouldn’t hurt him yet.
She bended the water over her body for a third wash, this time allowing it to pause between her legs and reach inside her before flowing down the drain. When Zuko announced he was going to get more towels, she was repeating the process for the tenth time. She still hurt between her legs and she had given up hope that she would ever feel clean.
Zuko left Katara and returned with several strips of cloth. She washed twice more in his absence. He bound her hands after stuffing her arms in a fluffly robe then covered her eyes and sat her on the toilet while he washed himself. She flexed her wrists relaxing as the water answered her commands and he screamed. Zuko showered quickly as the razor sharp spray cut into him. He wasn’t sure how much more he could endure without giving into the urge to retaliate. Not only that he didn’t her to realize the shower was connected to his bedroom.
He covered her face with a clean towel then spun her around before picking her up and carrying her back into the hallway to ask that someone be sent to change his bedding. He uncovered her face before stepping back into the bedroom. He held her in his lap and kissed her forehead as she cried while the servant cleaned the room and changed the mattress.
Katara vaguely heard Zuko tell the servant to bring food to their room as she sobbed on his shoulder. Things no longer made sense to her. Zuko no longer made sense to her. She no longer made sense to herself. Everything had been turned upside down, inside out, sideways and then back out again in less than five days. He hurt her, but then he would hold her when she cried and wipe away her tears. He said he wanted her hurting, but he looked genuinely stricken whenever she was upset. When food arrived he encouraged her to eat to keep up her strength. He even held her broth to keep it warm in between sips. He had even tried to give her to try food off his own chopsticks. This was all before he rearranged the privacy screen so she could get dressed.
It was crazy. He was crazy and she was slowly making the journey.
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