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Big Dipper's New Groove, or: Scents and Nonsense	By : Richard_Priapi Category: -Misc Cartoons > Crossovers Views: 849 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I make no claim to Gravity Falls, or any of the characters/environments referenced in this story.

Chapter List
- 4
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- 6
A date- a real, one-on-one date with Wendy. After weeks of freaky sex and threesomes and dates with his second girlfriend, you would think it would be almost trivial. But Dipper couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something stupendous. He’d be out in public with Wendy, holding hands and kissing and all that junk. He’d gallantly pay the bill with pennies he’d been pinching since the start of the semester. She’d make jokes and he’d laugh and he’d be a fucking goof and she’d blush at his idiotically sincere compliments… It was a dream he’d given up when they resolved to be friends back in Oregon, come whooping back to life with all the vivid shine of a thing that could actually happen. To add a little flair to the occasion, he rummaged for a keepsake from their shared past. Of the trinkets and tools and arcane ephemera he had brought to his dorm, he decided just one would do.

Gideon’s amulet. Mabel had smashed the crystal once, rendering its original user powerless except for his unnatural charisma. But a Pines never takes “stuff is broken” for an answer. He had collected the pieces, and with uncle Ford’s help carefully reassembled it using actual gold fished from the bottom of Gruncle Stan’s favorite bottle of schnapps. Was it useable? Who cared? It looked pretty! He threaded it onto a simple chain and hung it from his neck.
--
The date had been going so well. Neither of them had quite known what to wear. He chose a black sportscoat over jeans and a red t-shirt: she had dredged out a tighter-than-usual flannel shirt cut off at the midriff, over what had to be the only pair of jeans she owned without holes in them.
“So… are those new boots?” He’d asked after they sat down. She’d chuckled. That was her Dipper, all right. Sometime before the waiter got around to their dinner order, the light caught something dangling on his neck. Turquoise? No. No.
“Dipper, what the hell?” Her slammed her drink down, silverware clinking in protest as soda rained. “Is that Gideon’s amulet?”
“You know about that?”
“Yeah, Dipper. Mabel and I talk, you know? Why do you have that?”
“I thought… it was something from back when we met…”
She brought her down to a hiss to keep the busybodies around them from looking any closer.
“So you thought bringing a mind control device from the town that almost killed us like, thirty times, to our first real date was a GOOD idea?”
“I just-“
Her eyes widened and she clutched her hair.
“You don’t know how to use that thing, do you? God, have you been using it? Is that why I… why we… Dipper, fuck you. Fuck this. I’m out.”
Her chair shot back and fell to the floor, and several patrons turned and watched as his dream shattered its way out the door.
--
Dipper sat at the restaurant’s bar. The bartender, a gray-haired woman in a stylishly slashed red dress, leaned teasingly over the counter at him. The horniest part of Dipper’s mind noted that she was surprisingly well put together for someone who’d gone gray.
“Can I get you something?”
“Whiskey, neat?” It was worth a try in a college town.
“ID?”
His head sank. “Cherry Conk.”
She deposited a fizzing glass in front of him, suppressing an approving grin.
“What’s got you blue, kid?”
“I had a date tonight.” His fingers moved like they were trying to line up a stubborn puzzle piece. “She…I… it didn’t go well.”
The woman nodded, sympathy plain in her amber eyes.
“I think I saw you two. The redhead?”
He nodded, fingers glumly creeping across his face at the thought of how she had stalked away without sparing a backward glance.
”Ah, young love. Tell you something for nothing, but you’ve got lots of energy at your age. Get back out there and point it at someone else while you can.”
“Easy for you to say,” he grumbled. Under his breath he added, “Foxy older women…” his voice trailed off into murmurs as he realized there wasn’t any world where that sentence could continue without a disaster following.
She snickered. He froze.
She planted her hands on the counter, talonlike nails tapping expectantly against the polished epoxy surface. This hadn’t been her plan for the evening; but humoring this anxious little ball of hormones could be a welcome distraction for both of them. He risked eye contact. She nodded- really!
“Heh heh… So you come here often?”
“To work?” she drawled. No, actually, her thought added.
Stupid, he thought.
“Sorry. It’s just you have such a magnetism. It’s making it hard to think straight.”
She rolled her eyes. “Try again.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. Stick to the basics.
“Sorry. What’s your name?”
“Edalyn.” Her nail scratched across the countertop. “Edalyn Clawthorne.” He watched her lip shape every syllable.
“Oh, that’s really pretty. It fits.” The corner of her lips twitched up, ever so slightly.
“One for three. Better make your next one count.”
His eyes washed over the little flash of cleavage she showed as she leaned over the counter, a smoldering, teasing smirk on her lips. It was a joke. It was a game. He had no chance. He was going to take it anyway. As he opened his mouth to speak, she held up a finger for quiet.
“What’s that?”
Following her finger, he looked to his neck.
“Oh, this? It’s just some necklace I found in the woods out in Oregon.” This was not technically a lie.
“Really? You just… found that?”
Her eyes took on a sharper look, probing him. He nodded.
“It was broken when I got it. I think it kind of looks better this way. My girlfr- my- that girl I was with didn’t agree.”
Eda looked at Dipper with fresh eyes. There was something familiar about the way he dodged the truth.
“What did you say your name was?”
He relaxed a hair. Now they’d be even.
“My name’s Dipper P-“
An exasperated man with a beet-red face crashed through the door behind Eda.
“Wait a minute,” he blustered, “You don’t work here!”
“Uh-oh, kid. Busted!” She leapt over the counter, an immense crystal bottle of high-value hooch clutched in one hand. She shot him a wild-eyed grin, and the gleam in her eye was contagious. “Run!” She told him.
--
His lungs burned as he kept up with her long strides as they cut across parking lots and zig-zagged through alleys. Now that they were both standing, he realized she had a couple of inches on him. She was cackling as she ran, in heels, with no sign of losing steam. He huffed, promising himself he’d head back the gym. When she finally slowed he nearly plowed into her. She looked surprised. Still there?
“You’re all right, kid. Here, have some of this while you catch your breath.”
She offered him the bottle. He took grateful swigs of the sweetly burning liquid, not knowing each was worth a hundred dollars or more.
--
Eda sat on a wooden bench, patting the seat beside her with slender fingers. As Dipper sat, she stole a peek at the shining amulet. How many snails would something like that fetch back in the Isles? Assuming it wasn’t worth more in her possession. Crystals like that might give her power anywhere she went in the human realm, a dizzying prospect. Back home, getting it from him would be easy- draw a circle in the air and poof, leave the mark high and dry. But her spells were useless this far from the gateway. Besides, she liked this kid; something about his uneasy smile and the bald-faced, hungry ogling he directed her way charmed in a way that just tickled the fringes of her memory. No problem- she had another magic she could always rely on. She leaned into him, letting her shoulders brush his. The way he breathed- had he just sniffed her?

“That amulet is pretty cute. So what’s the real story? Old family heirloom, maybe?”
Dipper snorted, turning it between his fingers.
“Not really. Like I said, I found it in the woods when I was thirteen.” He paused, remembering its power- no need to tell her about that. “I knew the guy who lost it was a jerk, so I kept it.”
Handsome and vindictive? Eda relaxed, thighs parting every so slightly beneath her skirt.
“Oh, that all? You ever think of selling it? Maybe giving it as a present to some pretty little mama you had your eye on?”
Eda grinned slyly at him, her long gold-tipped fingers dancing across the shoulders of her crimson dress. She could feel him wavering.
“Come on, Dipper- I’ll make it worth your while.”
“Pfft. Sorry, lady- I’m not sure any sex is that good.”
Eda blew a rebellious spike of hair out of her face with a huff.
“Fine. How about I sweeten the pot?” She pulled a rolled parchment from some hidden pocket on her person, flaunting it with a wave past his eyes.
“Documents from another world- a demon realm called the Boiling Isles. Something like that has to be worth some broken old necklace.”
Eda let the words hang in the air. Gears spun in his head, clearly; he had to be wondering how he could believe she was from another world. She wiggled her pointed ears- but oddly they drew no attention. So she leaned forward. As sweet as her cleavage was, an observant kid like him couldn’t miss the amber stone embedded in her flesh, or the way the titans’ blood in her necklace shifted and shone like it contained a night’s sky in its glistening depths. Funnily enough his eyes lit up when he saw her gemstone.
“Oh, I get it. You’re a gem, and you’re hiding out on this planet?”
Eda’s head cocked to the side, and she blinked wordlessly. Dipper’s speech came out in a breathless torrent, quickening with every thought added to the pile.
“Don’t worry, my friend Steven told me all about you guys. Pretty smart, you laying low with a human name. So, what’s on the parchment? A record of your planet from a human perspective? Map to a wrecked spaceship or artifact cache? Oooooh or a record of ship manifests from the war?”
His eyes looked big enough to pop out of his skull, so despite her complete lack of context, Eda forced her salesman’s smile to its toothiest.
“Guess you’ll just have to find out. Is it a deal?”
“Deal!” he swiped for the document, but it danced just out of his reach.
“Nuh-uh-uh. You aren’t off the hook that easily. I haven’t had human dick in ages, and thanks to you I’ve got a craving. So go on- strip ‘em.”
He blanched, eyes scanning the road. “Here?”
Her eyes rolled.
“There.” She crooked her thumb at a stand of trees across the road that must have passed for a park.
His mouth was suddenly dry as a bone.
“What’s the matter, Dipper? Can’t hack it with a bad girl?” She winked, cocking her hips and puffing out her chest in ways that he was not equipped to defend against.
--
“You first.” Her voice had an assertive edge that he didn’t want to argue with.
His clothes came off easily enough, and her fanglike gold tooth poked out as she bit her lips, eying his lean physique appreciatively. She gave him a warm growl of desire and inwardly he thanked the sheer amount of physical effort having a sex life had taken to sharpen the outline of his abs. Now it was her turn, and she intended on enjoying the show as much as he did.

Time felt unreal as Dipper very first Older Woman removed her clothes. Her slashed red gown parted and slid oh so terribly slowly down her shoulders. He ogled her with bated breath, and she leaned forward with a smirk, pushing the ivory breasts together in their skimpy cradle of lace. His cock began to raise and her smirk deepened. Her arms raised over her head, unhooking that too. He sucked in a breath as he noticed the thick silvery bushes under her arms. She let the bra fall, lavishing in his rapt attention. She’d already been slick with desire when she had brought him to the bushes, but now the black fabric of her panties was soaked through as she watched him stiffen.
“Tell you what, big boy, why don’t you take off my panties?”
He didn’t need to be told twice. Kneeling in front of her, ignoring the prickle of grass and leaves on his knees, he focused on that thin black fabric.
His nose came to rest on her panties, his hot breath spreading a pleasant warmth that made her hum in contentment. For Dipper, the smell of arousal and very, very sweaty pussy left sparks shooting through his brain. His plan to be slow and seductive with their removal vanished: he yanked them down and she grinned lustily. God but her smell was strong. He leaned forward, tongue out- and met air as she stepped back.
As he began voicing her complaints, she turned around and bent down, lanky arms easily touching the ground. She looked at him between her legs, and he gazed back past the spectacle of her slick, dripping muff, the pert breasts with their pale and stiff peaks, and oh he hoped she couldn’t tell as he looked at her armpits. He could feel the heat radiating off of her pussy as he came close, but sheepishly he found the smell strong, even for him. His attention strayed upwards. She probably wasn’t the sort who would mind… She arced an eyebrow at him.
“Of all the places you could put your mouth, you chose there?” Her voice was teasing but approving as his tongue lapped around her asshole. It was tight, but the puffiness of the ring made him suspect it had seen some rigorous use. She let out a pleasured sigh as his fingers dug into her cheeks, gasping gutturally when his tongue slipped inside her.
“If you eat ass like this… that girl is… missing out.”
Dipper’s heart ached when she mentioned her, but he knew how to make himself forget. He reached between her legs and found her throbbing clit. She ground herself back against him, clenching her teeth to quiet the moans that ebbed and flowed in sync with his too-eager assault on her body.
“Jerk yourself for me. I want to see.” The words were terse: she didn’t think she trusted herself with words now.
He wasted no time, one hand lowering to that stiff cock and she purred as she watched him pump himself desperately, watched the outline of his jaw as he pressed himself oh so deeply into her, feeling his muffled grunts of pleasure as he licked her with all the ferocity he could muster. Dipper’s mind was numbed with a familiar fog and he moved to slurp her pussy, loving the tickle of her wet hair on his lips, the strong, musky smells that had been overwhelming minutes before now just right to taste and explore. There, there it was, that sweet salty aroma of lust buried under the sweat. A few more licks and it was all he could taste, and he wanted all she had. Too soon he found himself tumbling over the edge as shots of cum exploded across her ass and thighs.
“Already? You didn’t even get in me yet! Wow, I must still have it.”
He blushed, pulling back defensively.
She loosed a wicked little laugh.
“Don’t pout. You’ll get your chance.”
She turned on him, wiping the dust from her hands. Her finger stroked his shaft, lingering on the tip. He gasped, the lightest touch agony in the sensitivity after his release. His eyes closed in a wince- was that a flash of light? When he opened his eyes again, she closed her hand around his dick. The discomfort was… gone?
There wasn’t time to dwell on it as her lips closed around his tip. She savored the lingering drops of cum she sucked out of him, and let her mind wander. Out in public, sopping wet with a cock in her mouth and a load rapidly cooling on her skin in the night air. How long had it been since she’d done this? Years, for sure. Not since Stanley. Well this kid was worth a dozen Stanleys. She batted her eyelashes at him as her lips pulled back on his dick, the gentle whining moan of his deepening her want.
She planted one last mocking kiss on the head of his cock before she lay back on he grass, sprawled out like some renaissance Venus.
“Fuck me, Dipper. And don’t you dare be gentle.”
Breath hissed in through her nose as he rubbed himself against her slick entrance. She spread her legs for him, eager to have hot, hard dick filling her again. He rolled his hips into her and a keening groan rolled past her lips. He did not disappoint.
“Yes, like that. Harder. Harder.”
Dipper followed her orders gladly, driving into her warm, yielding flesh like he meant to dig her into the ground. His hands had found her hips and he raised them to meet him at the best angle.
“Oh yes, oh yes, yes Dipper.” Her fingernails trailed up and down his arms lightly, digging in sharply whenever he hit the perfect spot and the throbbing pleasure made her head swim.
Her skin shone like the moon whenever the pale light filtered down to it through the trees and the idea that he was fucking some otherworldly marble witch built the pressure in his groin to an unbearable ache.
He lifted her legs and leaned forward, pounding her as hard and fast as he could, hoping it would be enough to carry him over the edge.
“Oh yes, harder baby, harder, bend me like a sexy fucking pretzel, shit.”
Every blunt, open demand and compliment and moan made her hotter and hotter. Dipper let the heat of her unbridled passion fill him, scorching every nerve ending with the need to outdo himself. He wished he could fuck a dozen times harder, and he tried to. She threw an arm across her eyes, focusing only on the feelings and the sounds and the smell of the earth beneath her. It was heaven. She never wanted it to end. But it had to. It was going to. She was so close, so close.
She clenched her walls around him and it caught him off-guard, the careful pace of his grunts interrupted by a gasp and oh that moan as she kept squeezing him with well-trained muscles until the extra fullness it gave her flooded her head to bursting. She threw her hands down to the ground, scrabbling and clawing at the earth as she howled like some wild thing, desperate and unhinged. Dipper threw himself into her with he last energy he could spare, cleaving to her as he spilled his load deep inside and she latched her legs behind his back and held him there until every drop of heat in her cooled until she could no longer feel it. They sprawled beside each other, gasping like shipwrecked sailors until they could find no more excuse not to put clothes on again.

As they strode out of the trees, Dipper pulled the amulet out of the pocket he’d stowed it in. Eda took it gleefully, and he grinned openly as she held it to her eyes.
“It sparkles, it shimmers, it shines and delights,” she cooed, wiggling her hips like a cat about to pounce.
He cleared his throat. She blinked absently for a few seconds as he held out his hand.
“Oh! Right!” She tossed him the parchment. “And you can keep the brandy; I prefer a stiff apple blood.”
“Brandy, huh?” The label wasn’t anything he’d ever seen. Louis XII. Good stuff, he’d have to look it up later. Eda walked away twirling the gem.
“Seeya ‘round, Dipper. Been a blast, but I have to get home now. Thanks for the good time!”
Dipper looked at the parchment in his hand. She enjoyed her prize- he should take a look at his. In the streetlight he could just make it out.
“WANTED: OWL LADY.”
Bells rang in his head. Bird woman… owl lady… no. A memory stirred. What had Stan said her name was?
“Marilyn?”
Eda froze. In horrible slow motion she turned. She hadn’t heard that name since… fuck. Her eyes seemed like they would pop out of her skull. For a fraction of a second their eyes were trapped on each other’s. And then she bolted into the woods like a spooked but sexy gazelle.

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Big Dipper's New Groove, or: Scents and Nonsense