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A Woman After My Own Heart	By : AberrantScript Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 3846 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House and make no money off this work of fiction.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Author's Notes:
BunnyAbsentia sometimes references Gorillaz in artwork captions. I'd never heard of them before, but I figured, eh, why not give it a shot? The very first one I heard was Feel Good, Inc. (2005) and I've gotta say, I liked the insane laughter in it haha. But then, just the other day I saw the music video and there's one scene where a character is staring through a window... and that spoke volumes to me. That scene inspired the mood for this chapter, and during Maggie's scene I tried my best to write the song into her story (or something like that).
Reader be advised: I lied about having no suicide attempts sadly. Very dark themes lie ahead. If you find yourself unable to continue, then that's ok. But if you can make it to the last scene, you'll learn in gruesome detail what happened to Luan and Lana's parents.
Disclaimer: The Loud House Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)
Chapter 5: No Greater Irony
Lana Summers was what one might call eccentric in life.
She adored all animal life, enjoyed getting her hands dirty, and loved to learn new things.
But she was ultimately a tomboyish girl.
Her parents and sister had always loved her for who she was, had supported her in her life choices. When she put down the doll and reached for a screwdriver, her mom took a picture of the scene just as any parent would. When she learnt how to change the oil in a car at ten years of age, her dad was proud and excited to finally have a helper in the garage.
And now, at twelve years old, when she acted as "boyish" as she wanted, Luan never judged her for it. She was loved and cherished by her guardian-sister, and that's all that ever mattered to Lana.
When middle school hit…
"Hey, dyke!"
"How does carpet taste, bitch?"
"A gay whore, huh? Me and the boys ought to fix that for ya~"
…it was a nightmare, but Lana survived. It was cruel and uncaring, but she always had her sister to love her and support her. Only her sister.
But, then, one day she saw a girl a lot like herself; sitting by herself at lunch. Friendless. Mocked. Bullied.
During one lunch, she took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. She didn't have a big sister there to help her. She was all alone. Inside a school that practically hated her for assumptions and insinuations they'd fabricated. But this new girl didn't deserve to be bullied, too.
No one did…
And Lana was going to show her that at least one person cared for her.
She was going to become the girl's first friend.
She took easy steps over to her. She immediately took in the girl's pink dress and white belt, her hands covered in white gloves. Her hair was done up in an ornate bun with pretty butterfly clips holding it together.
Lana's first thought was that this girl was like a fairy tale princess.
She sat down and promptly began eating with her hands, making a mess the very second she touched her meal.
The girl looked up in shock, disgust, and horror, backing up and a near-shriek.
Lana grimaced at the noise. "Uh, what?" she asked with a full mouth.
"Eugh! Don't speak with your mouth full, you philistine!"
Lana quirked her head to the side and fought back a grin. "Um, my name is Lana, not Phil-whatever."
Lana's second thought was that this girl was kinda funny.
The girl's features turned angry and she set a glare on Lana's unsuspecting face. "I don't fucking much care what your name is. You're a slob!"
Lana felt that like a punch to the gut, but maintained her smile through the pain. "Well, I am what I am~"
Then, out of nowhere, the girl's face turned pale as she pointed at Lana with a shaky hand. "Y-y-you're that, that dyke!"
Lana's smile fell as cold ice slid into the pit of her stomach. No…
She tried to open her mouth and speak for herself; that she didn't know what she was; that she wasn't interested in romance at that time; that she only wanted to be a friend, if that's what was concerning the girl…
But she was never even given the chance.
The girl stood up faster than Lana could blink and ran away, leaving her food behind to get cold.
Lana loved many things in life: food came pretty close to the top of that list.
But at that moment, she couldn't bring herself to touch the stuff.
She slid out of her seat and stepped outside in the fresh air.
She'd endured a lot during her time at middle school, and that was all fine and dandy.
So, why did that hurt her so freaking much!?
Was it because Lana finally realized that she was destined to be alone forever!?
Was it because her parents were stripped away from her because of her big sister's fuc- freaking actions!?
Or was it because she thought, for one fleeting second, that she could actually make a friend… that someone could actually get to know her and care for her like her sister… but they ran away, terrified of her, like she was the plague?
As hot, messy tears filled her eyes, Lana fell to her knees and looked up into the sky. She couldn't even blink as her eyes stung with pain and misery. She searched and searched for an answer from heaven, an answer to her daily prayers… and when it never came, she slammed her fists to the asphalt, unflinching at the fiery pain scorching up her wrists. Her head fell onto the backs of her hands as she cried out two years of pain and loneliness and utter misery.
Lana's final thought about that girl was that she was… forgive me, God… a bitch.
She tore her eyes upwards into the very heavens and she bared her soul.
"Why couldn't I have just died with them in the fire!?"
Unheard, a tiny gasp sounded as a pair of white slippers froze in place.
A pair of startled, watery blue eyes looked down on a girl in agony.
They looked back to the doorway, at what popularity could gain her.
They looked at the quivering girl laying on the pavement, and her heart broke for her.
When Lana felt a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, she didn't think twice as she turned and wept into the offered shoulder.
Margaret Frost was sitting in the back of the town car, her dull eyes looking through the glass window. Each street passed by slowly. Each group of people settled around intersections like stagnant pools of water.
Her eyes looked up into the sky, unable to see the beauty through the wall of buildings.
She knew Alfred was keeping an attentive eye on the road, but she could feel his occasional glance in the mirror… looking at her… worried for her…
She grit her teeth as she leaned back into her seat. Her hand fell on the sticky leather and she shivered in disgust at the feeling.
She pulled out her phone and put a pair of earbuds in.
She scrolled through her music until she found the first one that jumped out to her.
Feel Good, Inc. by Gorillaz.
Maggie found herself lost in the beat, her eyes closing as she envisioned herself far away.
Atop a tower.
Looking down on a dying city.
Seeing all those fake smiles, all those wasted lives.
Her fists clenched the fabric of her black skirt and a tear formed in her eyes as she saw a little black town car driving toward the hospital.
"Love forever, love is free…"
It's a little hard to love when everything you love is dying!
Her eyes opened, blurred through tears, as she looked at anything, at nothing, at everything.
Her fingernails found her forearms, but she couldn't feel the painful scratches digging into her skin… she didn't notice when her bandages were pushed aside and old wounds were torn open, oozing blood onto her fingers.
Life is so freaking ironic, ain't it?
Her eyes darted around the luxurious car, growing angrier and teary-er with each passing moment.
She has everything she could possibly want.
Except for what she needs!
Next thing she knew, she was standing in a sterile room, gazing upon her father's unconscious body.
Her hand was touching his cold, clammy face, memorizing his features.
Her heart slowed until it matched the steady beat of his heart monitor.
Her stomach chilled, goosebumps erupting over her body.
She couldn't get warm. She couldn't move. She couldn't look away; seeing his nose tiredly move, his chest languidly rising and falling for desperate breaths.
He… he was really dying.
She felt her legs fall against the bed, her arm barely holding her up; a hand planted beside her father's pale shoulder.
Her father was leaving her…
The world stilled around her. The sound of the AC faded away. Her mother was down in the café. Her own breathing had stopped.
For a short time, her time on this earth was measured by the ticking beeps of an emotionless monitoring machine.
Time was moving slower, and slower…
Her eyes grew wider by a fraction of realization as that frost trailed down her legs and across her arms.
She couldn't lose him!
Not now!
"Daddy, please stay…"
She saw his eyes flutter with lively movement, and her heart skipped.
"…I need you."
For one eternal moment, she saw his eyelids part enough for her to see two thin strips of blue; not a sound was heard except for the rushing wave of hope pouring deep into that hidden place of her soul.
…and then, they closed.
"D-daddy?"
…and her hope died to the sound of a static beep.
It's funny, isn't it?
Hilariously ironic.
How hard her father worked for his life.
How hard they searched for a cure to a disease they didn't even understand.
How hard they grasped at the smoky future with hopeful hands.
But now the smoke had scattered, only to reveal a cloaked figure with skeletal hands and a rancid smell.
And Maggie was hopeless, from atop her lonely tower, as she watched him sweep her father up into the arms of death and carry him out of the door…
Forever out of her life.
"Feel good, ahh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
She saw herself stepping out of the room, crossing the hall… heading toward a door leading to a balcony…
"Feel good, ahh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
She saw a woman in business-formal lean against a rail; she saw her face stained with angry tears; she saw her fierce eyebrows and scowling lips; she heard the scream of pain that ripped out of the woman's lungs.
"Feel good, ahh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
She was helpless as she saw that woman… saw herself… climb atop the railing, teetering with poor balance… throw her arms out to the sides, baring her all to the world.
It's so ironic how cruel life can be, ain't it?
Maggie put her foot over the edge and for the first time since… she couldn't even remember… she felt at peace with the world.
But then, a sharp tug to her arms jerked her to the ground, and she was looking up into the ghostly face of Alfred. And she bared her teeth in rage.
"Why couldn't you just let me die with him!?"
She struggled to get out of his grip, cursing him and fighting to end her life.
In seconds, her spirit fled and she collapsed into his arms, shuddering through her lament.
"Feel good, ahh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Life was the cruelest irony of them all.
"Feel good."
Remember that good feeling Luan had swirling in her chest that morning?
It died.
She'd been floating high in the heavens all day at work.
She'd picked Lana up and walked them both home, hand in hand.
She'd even picked Bugle up and gave him a great big kiss right on his wittle, pink, wet nose~
Luan hadn't noticed how quiet Lana was the whole way home.
She didn't notice how Lana refused to stop at the stand and greet their parents' picture like she did every time she left and returned.
Luan was spinning around the living room, holding Bugle in her arms. Finally, after so long, she felt… she felt happy inside… because of her sister, Luna, her job, her new customer~ And even this little puppy dog that was pawing his tiny self into her mushy heart!
With a smile on her face and a joking pun about to spring from the tip of her tongue, Luan turned to face her sister.
And froze to the sound of Lana's sniffling.
"Lana, what's wrong?" Why are you crying?
The twelve-year-olds eyes were hard and unrelenting.
"Why didn't I die with them…"
Said as a statement, a missile targeting Luan's heart.
Luan stumbled, scaring Bugle in her arms. Her brows furrowed in concern.
"Dad saved you, Lana. He d-died to keep you alive."
Tears were already forming in her eyes.
He didn't need to die…
Lana took a step forward, her eyes unblinking and unmoving from her sister's.
"You killed them."
Bugle cried as he fell to the ground (Luan's arms fell slack), bouncing and hiding under the couch. He sniffed the air and didn't like what was happening. He crawled deep under the couch and whined.
Luan…
She looked away, toward the wall, and grit her teeth and clenched her hands.
What could she say?
It.
Was.
True.
Her stupid actions murdered her parents…
It would have killed her and Lana, too, if their parents hadn't risked their lives to save them.
Gambling the highest price… and lost.
Luan blinked tears back and looked at her sister; Lana quivering and shaking in confused emotions. She was speechless.
Lana settled down on the easiest emotion she could manage at that time. So, she squared her shoulders and glared straight at her young guardian-sister's soul.
"Why don't you kill me, Luan?"
Luan fell to the ground, fisting the carpet in trembling hands.
"What?"
Lana took a dangerous step forward, blinking through the angry tears and burning sensation creeping down her body.
"I hate my life."
Luan looked up into her sister's eyes; feeling so small to her looming sister.
But Lana wouldn't back down. She knelt down before her sister and grabbed her sister's hands with her own.
"I want you to kill me since I know you can do it."
Luan wanted to die. Truth was being warped and corrupted, but she couldn't stop it. She didn't want to stop it. Deep down inside, she agreed.
She saw the piling bills on the counter, the shortage of food in the cabinets, and the worn clothes they wore on their bodies, and it was all her fault!
Lana's anger broke when she heard a sob escape her sister's trembling lips. She sighed and stared down at their hands.
"I'm tired of being so alone, Luan… no one likes me… no one wants to be my friend."
Lana turned her eyes up and pleaded with her sister for just one reason to live.
"Please…"
Arms wrapped around Lana and pulled her in tight, and that's when she found her reason.
Rather, when she heard it.
Beating softly.
Bump, ba-bump.
Her sister's heartbeat, pounding against her ear and calming her down.
She felt wet somethings fall through her messy hair, running down to her neck. And then, she put her own arms around her sister, hiding her teary-eyed face in Luan's breasts.
Their bodies spoke far more than words ever could.
Soon, Bugle crept from his hiding place and saw his two girls crying and cuddling on the ground, and he dipped his head low.
They were in pain and he didn't like it.
But he knew what would help.
He crawled over to them and stuck his pink tongue out and flicked Luan's arm, and then Lana's; taking turns with each girl to ensure both calmed down in equal measures.
He got so into his ministrations that he yelped when he was suddenly picked up and placed between their chests, forced to join their snuggle.
Nothing would fix their broken hearts.
Nothing could replace what was priceless.
But they had each other.
And, with Bugle, they each had two reasons to live.
Lana begged her sister to let her sleep in Luan's bed that night, and Luan agreed on the very first try.
Before they settled down under the covers, Luan pulled a sticky note from the wall and placed it in Lana's hands.
Lana's eyes grew wide as Luan explained what the number was for, and she nodded solemnly.
It took a mere handful of seconds to understand why Luan had the NSPL on her bedroom wall…
And she clung to her sister tightly.
Even if she wanted to die, she couldn't lose Luan, too!
She knew Luan must feel the same way, and that filled her eyes with tears of sorrow.
She fell asleep with her head between her sister's breasts, Luan's heartbeat bumping rhythmically against her ear, her arms and legs mostly on top of her trapped sister.
And atop the bundle of sisters, like a silent guardian of the night, Bugle stood watch, refusing to sleep until exhaustion forced his head down onto Lana's shoulder.
Because he had two reasons to live, too.
And much like their father, he'd sooner die than fail in his devotion.
In a single bedroom apartment a few streets over, a twenty-one-year-old woman trembled beneath her covers. Her eyes squinted. Her mouth fell open in a breathless scream.
"No!"
In an instant, Luna bolted upright in her bed and hugged her arms to herself.
"No, no, no, no-no-no…"
She tried to close her eyes, but she couldn't escape the dream, the memory, the reality.
Luan, smiling like the very sun itself, cradled in her bosom a cardboard box.
As she crept into her bedroom, all sneaky and mysterious-like, she noted that Luna was already waiting for her.
And so was Lana; bouncing in her place on the ground.
"Wow!" Lana cried as she read the single word printed on the outside.
Fireworks.
Downstairs, people were enjoying her graduation party.
Out in the garage, her father was looking for the fireworks, and Luan felt mildly proud to have nabbed them right out from under his nose~
She dropped the box between her sister and her best friend, and plopped herself right down there with them.
Luna looked at her with a mischievous grin. "So, what're we gonna do with them?"
Luan returned the grin with her own trademarked smirk as she pulled a cigarette lighter out. "Does this answer your question?"
Lana gasped. "You know you're not allowed to smoke, Luan!"
The two older girls rolled their eyes.
Luan sighed. "Yes, sergeant buzzkill, we know. I bought it for this~"
Whatever righteous indignation Lana felt was snuffed out the very second Luan pulled out a simple bottle rocket.
All three girls watched with fascinated eyes as the window was propped open and the firework was readied.
Luna saw the little flame's light reflect through Luan's brown eyes, and she felt trepidation but squashed it down.
Luan lit the wick and put her hands on the stick, aiming it toward the sky.
Only her arm got a little too close.
And her father had just opened the door to ask if she'd seen the fireworks.
In surprise, she turned her forearm into the fire and yelled in pain. She clutched her hand to her forearm as her scream continued.
She didn't see it happen, but the others did.
How a tiny rocket fell onto the carpet, its ignition light setting the aged fibers aflame.
How it shot out across the ground in a hellish trail and deafening whir.
It exploded on impact, shooting flames across the room.
By then, their mother was there and trying to hurry them out.
But the house was old, and the fire liked its new friend a little too much.
They tried to move Luan, but she was inconsolable as her arm blistered and oozed blood and pus.
Her eyes were tear-stained as she looked into her father's, only seeing disappointment and concern and anger.
He had to pick her up and carry her out as she cradled her arm to her chest, still yelling out her pain.
Lana was frozen to the ground, her heart still, her body cold. In her mind's eye, she could only see the evil grin on her sister's face. All she could hear were screams of pain. All she could feel was the heated gates of Hell closing around her.
Luna grabbed the girl's upper arm and jerked her toward the door.
They lived in a two-story house.
Luan's bedroom was beside the stairs.
The explosion had tossed flames against the stairway wall, and by then it had closed the passage in a scarlet web.
Luna stood beside Lana in the back as she took in her best friend's parents' faces. How haunted they looked as they turned toward the only other room in the upstairs.
Lana's bedroom.
They burst through the door and headed for the window.
They had to move quickly; taking off the girl's blankets and sheets and even the pillow cover. They made a rope and tied it to a bedpost and threw the other end out the window.
"Luna, get Lana out of here!" their father commanded her.
She nodded and dragged the girl over and looked down.
The rope didn't reach the ground. It'd hurt when they landed.
As she touched the rope, Lana suddenly tugged on her sleeve.
"I need my lucky hat."
"We don't have the time for it, Lana."
"I can't leave without it."
Fire was licking at the doorstep as Luna turned around.
"Leave!" their father screamed at her, trying to drag Luan over.
Luna swallowed thickly as she saw Luan writhing in her father's grasp. Then, her eyes saw Lana's ball cap and she darted for it.
"Luna! We need to go!"
She had it and grabbed the rope, crouching down so Lana could climb onto her back.
Those few seconds wouldn't matter in the long run, right?
They climbed down slowly, too slowly… and when they reached the end of the rope, Luna fell forward and Lana's weight smacked her face into the hard ground. Her knees and elbows stung.
But they were safe. They made it.
An older Luna stepped out from the growing crowd on the street and watched as her younger self rolled onto her back. Her eyes looked up into the window to see Luan slowly start her climb down to a backdrop of Hell.
"I can't do it, daddy! It hurts too much!"
She saw as the girl's parents looked out the window and encouraged their daughter to strive… to survive…
"You can do it, baby, just keep going."
"Don't stop, Lulu."
"We're proud of you."
Luna stepped up to the rope and watched as Luan fell to the ground onto her back and yelled out her pain.
She knew what was happening at that moment.
She knew the fire was cutting through the rope's knot with its insatiable maw.
She heard the rope pool at Luan's feet, but her eyes were focused on the girl's face.
A sight she'd seen a hundred times over.
She knelt down and looked into the pale, drained-of-life face of her best friend's younger self… and she saw the reflection of Hell in them… and two bodies being licked by fiery tongues.
She closed her eyes, but couldn't close her ears to the sounds of their screams, the sounds of death wracking the very foundations of Luan and Lana's home… of their lives…
Luna had never known that fire could even destroy noise with its mighty power.
But on that night, as their screams slowly dwindled to nothing, she'd learnt that even the painful wails of death itself can turn to ash.
As Luna stood up and walked over to her dresser, she couldn't shake away Luan and Lana's screams for their parents. She couldn't forget how they looked in the back of an ambulance as a volunteer fireman put shock blankets over their bodies and worked on Luan's burnt flesh.
She picked up her phone and dialed a number she hadn't called in a few weeks.
"Luna? Are you ok, honey?"
She hugged her arm to her chest and pushed the phone closer to her ear.
"I… a-are you and dad ok?"
She slid against her dresser to the ground and pulled her knees to her chest.
"Yes, we're ok. Did… did you have the dream again?"
She nodded her head.
"Y-yeah, can I talk to dad real quick?"
A pregnant pause.
"Sure, honey."
In a few seconds, she heard hushed whispers and then her father greeted her.
"Hi, daddy… I love you…"
She knew her parents were just like Luan's. They loved her like they loved nothing else.
Greater love has no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends.
She knew her parents loved her enough to die in her place.
And that scared her…
She couldn't imagine a world without her mom and dad; just a phone call away to cheer her up, love her, and listen to her endless worries about her situation with Sam.
If… if they died…
She pushed herself up and stepped over to a nightstand and pulled out a little pocketknife, flipping open the blade.
It was the twin to Luan's blade, gifts that Luna's father had bought the girls on a camping trip they'd taken when Lana was just a toddler.
She set back against the bed and lifted her nightshirt to her breasts, revealing her vulnerable stomach.
She laid the point on her abdomen and breathed in and out.
She didn't feel the desire to end her life.
But…
She could feel Luan's anguish. And she knew… that if her own parents had died…
This is where she'd be.
Sitting half-naked against her bed on the floor with a knife pressed against her bowels.
One thrust, a single twist, and a sharp pull to the side… and the pain would hopefully be gone.
She folded the knife and put it away and laid down in bed.
Images of hellfire and screams of death filled her mind to exhaustion.
And in her nightmares, all she saw was the haunted face of a girl who accidentally killed her parents right after they saved her life.
There was no greater irony.
- 4
- 5
- 6
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A Woman After My Own Heart