Adult-FanFiction.org : Cartoons

Anon E. Mus Private Eye	By : Magmos Category: -Misc Cartoons > Crossovers Views: 14208 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own any cartoon characters that may appear, nor do I claim any affiliation with their owners, nor do I own any characters associated with them. I make no money off of this fan fiction.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Just a heads up, I know there’s a lot of debate and discussion going on right now involving the police. This fic involves the police. Please, for all our sakes, keep any and all political discussion away from here. This is for fapping or schlicking and expanding into an actual plot, not debating. Thank you.
Bold and Italics is Anon’s narration, Just Italics is someone thinking, just bold is text within the text.
Case 0: Anon’s Discharge
So, you really wanna hear this story huh? Bunch of other stories I can tell. That time I saved Cindi and Red from a psychopath with moonshine dip, the time me and Bugs Bunny busted a massive meth smuggling operation, I could even tell you about that time I competed with Eddie Valiant and those kids from Scooby Doo in a contest, lost the contest, but got a threesome with Daphne and Velma. Might still tell you that one later, it’s a good story. That Velma girl I tell ya.
But no, you want to hear about the worst day of my life. The biggest mistake I EVER made. The night one miserable night of passion and some fucking scumbag with a camera ruined my career on the police force, all because I was born in the wrong damned decade.
Well settle in. This is the story of how everything in my life changed.
----------------------------------------
1957, Hollywood Los Angeles.
Had the Ink & Paint club been based in Toon Town, the place would be bouncing both figuratively and literally. Inside drinks were being poured by the gallon, men were cheering and hollering, even the Toon staff were getting in on it with the penguins and even the octopus bartender firing off Acme brand fireworks (The only fireworks that could be safely used indoors as long as there was no gunpowder around). The cause for such a ruckus could be found in a corner of the establishment far away from the currently empty stage.
Gathered around a number of tables were what could’ve been half of the L.A. police force celebrating in force. Drinks and shots were being pulled back, cheers were echoing out, drunken attempts at singing “for they’re jolly good fellows” were slurred out through drunken mouths, and in the center of it all stood two figures. One was a proud looking Toon Duck, somewhat similar in looks to Daffy Duck but with a green head and he was wearing the standard L.A.P.D. blue uniform, and next to him looking embarrassed to be the cause of such mayhem was an unmistakably younger looking Anon E. Mus.

Yeah, figures don’t it? The lowest point in my life came right after the highest. There I was, a freshly minted Lieutenant for L.A.’s finest, me and my partner just coming off of the biggest drug bust the city had ever seen at the time. Nothing could be much better.
“C’mon guys!” Anon said as he tried to restore a semblance of sanity to the celebrations. “I know it’s a big deal, but any of us could’ve done it!”
“Yeah right!” A more drunken officer cheered out. “Quit talking yourself down Mus! Between you and your partner, no one else COULD’VE THOUGHT to have busted those bastards!”
The Toon duck gave Anon a firm slap on the back. “Seriously partner! Give yourself some credit and live a little will ya? I know I’m tossing caution to the wind tonight!” He then tossed back a glass filled with a brown liquid, missing most of it but still getting a portion of it down his beak. The duck’s eyes then bulged out, shifting a wide variety of colors before he shot up into the air like a rocket, leaving a trail of smoke behind him as he proceeded to ping around the room like a pinball before slamming head first onto a table, much to the laughter of the rest of the gathered officers. When he rose up and opened his eyes, the whites and dots had been replaced with yellow signs that both read “Tilt!”

That was my partner back in the day. Patty O’Mallard. Funnily enough, despite the name and the green head, he didn’t have a lick of an Irish accent. Patty was an odd case among Toons. See, given how long Toons have been around and what all they can do, you’d figure someone would’ve tried to get them in the military or something like that. I mean, invincible soldiers who can pull out massive explosions behind enemy lines. What General wouldn’t jump at that?
Well people certainly TRIED to do that, but there was a big problem. See, Toons may like slapstick, but they don’t tend to actually ENJOY hurting people. Oh sure, they’ll put each other through the wringer, but they can walk that off pretty easily. But causing actual lasting damage or actually killing someone though? No. Outside of Toons that had completely lost it like our old friend Judge Doom had, Toons just can’t do it. Goes against how they are. It’d be like making a cat take up a vegetarian diet. However, that hasn’t stopped people from trying to get the idea to work. They just opted to try for baby steps with it. So, rather than make some unstoppable killing machine, they opted for a goofy police officer who, unlike the weasels and the rest of Toon Town’s P.D., was actually GOOD at the job. Hence, O’Mallard.
Originally most of the force just saw him as a kind of a joke. Just a publicity stunt to amuse kids with during our various little PSA visits. He was good at it, but he wanted to do actual police work. So, to shut him up, they stuck him with that weirdo who always got along with the damned Toons. I.E. me. Heh. Doubt anyone was expecting us to end up as one of the force’s super teams. Turns out though? We made a damned fine pair.
See, it turns out O’Mallard actually IS good at the whole investigation thing, just as good as me at least, and we complimented each other well. O’Mallard had a keen eye for the smaller details most of us could and did miss, but I was better at making all the clues fit together. Sorry. Getting off the focus here. It’s just been a long while since I’ve seen the guy y’know? Easy to reminisce when you had a good friend.

A rather disgusting and disgruntled snort drew eyes towards the one officer who seemed disinclined to celebrate. To call him portly would be an understatement, his poor uniform strained from attempting to hold back rolls upon rolls of fat. His face was mushed in, almost as if he’d been shoved in the face regularly as a child, with small, beady eyes glaring out. In all honesty, he resembled a pig better than Porky in his early days ever could’ve.
Said piggish pig waved the duo off with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Please. You’re gonna stand there like that punk and his pet Toon,” he practically spat out that last word, “are any kind of big deal?!”
Another officer, a large and well built individual with dark skin and a much more impressive uniform clearly marking him as the highest ranked person in the group stood up while waving what looked like a newspaper. “Well Hepler, I don’t know what kind of precincts YOU’RE from, but around here officers who managed to reach the front page and with THIS story tend to be “big deals”.” He then slapped the newspaper on the table, revealing it to be the most recent issue of the L.A. times. On said front page was a photo of Anon holding a shotgun close to him and pointing it straight up and Patty holding a magnum revolver, holding it in a similar way though he only needed one hand for his gun. Both officers were back to back and looking at the camera with emotionless expressions with a large warehouse behind them. On the top of the picture read the words:
COP DUO BUSTS BIG HAUL!

The tub of lard masquerading as a cop was Mitch Hepler. Bad cop, worse human being. You name any dirty thing any cop could do, I can guarantee tubby had done it at least once. Extortion, brutality, taking bribes, he was basically every corrupt cop stereotype rolled into one man. Course, between being competent at hiding his trail, and dear old daddy being the Governor of our fine city at the time, nothing ever stuck.
The other guy was our precinct’s chief, Vincent Jeffords. Now, if Hepler was every bad cop stereotype put together, Jeffords was the exact opposite of every black police chief stereotype. Dude was calm, good natured, well muscled, and had plenty of patience for officers bending the rules (but NOT outright breaking them. Trust me on this, those are NOT show muscles. I’ve seen the guy throw Hepler through a damned desk once) Great guy to work for and with, and the added bonus in that he knew about my thing for Toon women and he kept quiet about it. All he asked for in exchange was autographs for his daughters in case I ended up shacking up with any famous ladies.
As for that paper, well that was easily the biggest deal in my life at that point. Me and Patty had managed to find and take down a massive, and when I say massive I mean Jessica’s tits massive here, drug manufacturing and smuggling ring. That warehouse was manufacturing what can only be described as a metric shitton of drugs of all kinds. Weed, coke, opium and a whole mess of other stuff that wouldn’t get actual names till MUCH later. I remember there was this one thing there that looked like glass. Apparently you were supposed to smoke it? I dunno.
Of course what the paper left out, probably to spare sensibilities, was that said warehouse had a large basement that was full of women, both human and Toon, in various states of undress. Not a lot of guesswork to figure what that was all about.
Anyway, the whole thing basically ended up with a shootout, me and O’Mallard against an entire warehouse full of pushers and goons. Took ages for backup to arrive, and when it did there wasn’t much left to do but gather the evidence and clean up what was left of the mess. In the end, we both got medals, and nice fat promotions.

As the paper hit the table, the other officers let out a cheer as another round of drinks went around.
About an Hour later, Anon found himself sitting alone, watching the celebrations with a mirthful smile, particularly at O’Mallard being hauled around in a chair by the other officers who were currently singing Hava Nagalia.
I hate to admit it, but I was never one for big parties and get togethers like this. I dunno, they just always put me on edge. All the people grouped together, the noise, and being the center of attention just made it all worse. I was about ready to leave,
As Anon began scootching his chair back, the sound of ice clinking on glass caused him to turn and see a full whiskey glass had just been placed on the table, and next to said table holding an empty tray was the short, but still somewhat curvaceous, black and white, clad in her tiny black dress form of Betty Boop.
“Free drink for one of the heroes?” She asked with a flirty wink and her Brooklyn accent. With a smile and mild blush, Anon sat back down and took the drink before lightly sipping at it, trying desperately to maintain his cool in front of the ex starlet.
Because you don’t turn down a drink offered by a cute woman, it’s just rude.
“Oh shi…um….you…you’re…I mean…are…Are you?”
The black and white woman just smiled at the stammering man before placing her tray on the table. She then proceeded tho lean back a bit and bend her knees with her hands on her thighs before saying that immortal line and it’s little dance.
“Boop boop, de boop, boop!”
Anon’s eyes widened in realization of just who it was he was talking too. Thankfully, Betty, having some experience with starstruck youngsters just laughed it off.
“I’m sorry miss, it’s just…I never thought I’d meet a celebrity of YOUR caliber! I mean…”
Cut me some slack. I was just a kid back then, meeting a woman I held in high regard. Even in L.A. you don’t meet celebs every day, and even with a faded star Betty Boop gets your damned respect.
Betty’s smile got a bit wider as she got a better look at the stammering Anon. “I gotta say, it’s always great getting you officers here, you’ve always got great stories.”
Anon, finally beginning to compose himself, just smiled back as he gestured to an empty seat next to him. “Well if you have a few minutes I’ll be happy to tell you a few.”
Betty actually looked somewhat excited as she sat in the chair, laying her tray on the table as she looked up at Anon with wide eyes full of wonder.
“Please! I’m getting off work in a few minutes anyway! I’d love to hear some!”
Anon then began to regale the smaller lady with his best stories from his time on the force, starting with some embarrassing stories from his early days, to more exciting stories though with the more gruesome elements edited out. As Anon spun his tales, he failed to notice the Toon woman inching closer and closer to him. At least, he didn’t notice until he felt a small hand in his lap.
Anon jumped a bit, his back going straight and stiff as the good Miss Boop began rubbing his crotch. “Wha!? M-m-miss Boop, what are you…”
Betty just shushed the younger officer. “I’m sorry officer, it’s just I’ve always had a thing for men in uniforms.” As Anon started growing in her grasp, she looked up at him with a heated gaze. “Y’know, a friend of mine gave me the key to her room here while she’s on vacation with her husband. If you’d like we could head in there for some fun.”
Looking around, Anon could see no one was paying him any mind, everyone else either close to passing out from their drinks or watching Patty reenact the bust. Seeing he could get away without being noticed, he turned back to the shorter woman.
“Lead the way.”
With a small giggle, Betty stood up and took Anon by the hand, leading him away from the rest of his group with nary a word. Had he turned around, he would’ve noticed Hepler staring at the two leaving with a smug grin on his face.
----------------------------------------
If there is any lesson I want you all to take away from all this, it’s this, do NOT think with your dick. Now, you’d be right to call me a two faced bastard for saying that, after all thinking with my dick has gotten me laid by a number of famous and gorgeous Toon Women, but that’s a recent development for me. More often than not, my inability to keep it in my pants has led to more fiascos than I care to admit, be it from being manipulated by some Femme Fatale, getting seduced by a sexually frustrated spouse with a husband who has more muscle than brains, and on and on. This though? This was THE screw up of my life.
And yet I know for a fact I’d still do it all over again. What can I say? When a famous lady of Betty Boop’s caliber asks you “want some fuk?” and your orientation matches up, you go for it. Heck, I was honestly amazed she even gave me a second glance.
--------------------------------------------------
“Holy shit, holy shit, holy fucking SHIT!” Anon all but screeched in his head as he followed the much shorter Toon woman to the Ink & Paint club’s backstage area, his eyes all but glued to her shapely rear and hips rocking back and forth in front of him. “First the biggest drug bust in the precinct’s history, and now a night with one of the most famous Toon ladies to have ever been inked!? Is there a Gypsy lady out there I need to thank or something?!”
As he stared, Anon couldn’t help but be more aware of the size difference between himself and the Animated starlet. She was…short. Very, very short. With both of them standing up, Betty’s head just barely reached past Anon’s naval. Granted, for Anon this wasn’t really a turn off, but he couldn’t help but wonder how exactly this was going to work.
Anon’s train of thought was disrupted by a sudden stop. Looking up, he saw they were currently standing in front of a door with a star on it with the words J. Rabbit printed on it. With a small click, Betty pushed open the door and gestured Anon inside which he did with no argument.
Looking around, he was actually rather impressed with the accommodations. A rather fancy make up desk with a large mirror, a comfy looking couch, and a VERY inviting looking bed. Another clicking noise drew his attention back to the door. Before he knew what was happening though, Betty Boop launched herself onto him, her arms wrapping around his neck while her legs followed suit around his chest, and causing Anon to reflexively grab hold of the amorous Toon woman’s ass.
Without so much as a word, Betty pressed her tiny lips to Anon’s, the diminutive girl letting out a happy moan as she felt their lips mash each other. It took him a moment to realize what was happening, but Anon quickly got into the swing of things, his right hand gently massaging Betty’s small but delightfully squishy ass while his left went to the back of Betty’s head to press them together tighter.
The Toon in his arms responded by gently grinding her hips against his chest, her rapidly moistening snatch smearing it’s juices on his shirt as she gently pressed her tongue against his lips as though asking for permission to enter which he granted with parting lips and met with his own tongue meeting her’s Unfortunately, it was here Anon came across a problem.
Betty’s mouth was very small. Too small for him to French properly, try as he might to push his tongue in. Betty, figuring out the issue rather quickly, pulled back with a giggle before wrapping her lips around his tongue and lightly sucking on the organ, her own tongue swilling around it like a piece of candy before pulling back and stretching it out before letting it go with a light pop.
“He he” Betty giggled as she looked up at Anon’s face. “You’re not the first human I’ve been with honey. I’ve had to pick up a few tricks to make sure my partners walked away happy.” She then unhooked one of her legs and lowered it to the front of Anon’s pants where she began rubbing the heel clad foot rubbing against the officer’s growing lump in his pants. “And from what I can tell, I’m gonna need every trick in the book to make sure YOU’RE happy.”
Anon just let out a low growl before he pressed their lips together again with Betty letting out an excited squeal. His tongue forced it’s way into her mouth this time, before flipping the two of them around, Betty’s back pressing against the mattress as Anon lay atop her (though minding how much weight he was putting on the smaller woman) and his hands started wandering around her body. He started with her hair, his fingers tangling themselves in her smooth, short, and curly locks. Slowly they began to move down her shoulders and collar before coming to rest on her heaving breasts.
Betty’s breasts were certainly smaller than her was used to. Not to say he’d had much experience at this point in his life mind, but even with the few women he’d been with (both Toon and otherwise), Betty’s perky tits were the smallest he’d felt. Oh sure, they looked decently sized on her, but Betty’s small stature ensured her chest mounds would be anthills compared to most women.
Not to say Anon cared all that much at the moment as his hands gently pawed at her covered breasts, massaging them in his palms and reveling the hardening nipples pressing against them. Despite their small size, her tits were still rather soft and squishy, like tiny little pillows. Feeling bold, he hooked his fingers into the top of her dress and began to pull it down, only to be stopped by Betty’s hands moving on top of them.
Anon pulled back, with some struggle as Betty continued to try and suck on his tongue, and looked at the shorter woman in confusion. Betty just smiled a sultry grin before whispering to him,
“Tear it off.”
Seeing Anon’s eyes widen a bit, she ground her dripping pelvis against his stomach, smearing his uniform shirt, before hissing out, “C’mon, just grab it and rip it off.”
Not needing to hear it a third time, Anon moved one hand to wrap around her throat and press her down a bit into the mattress for better leverage while his other hand went to the top of the B&W Toon’s black dress and grabbed the top in a much harsher grip. With a single strong pull the sound of ripping cloth filled the room as Anon pulled his arm back and tore away the front half of Betty Boop’s dress, exposing her body to the officer and leaving her clad only in her garter and high heels.
Now, I’m not gonna lie here, in terms of women I’ve been with, Betty Boop wouldn’t rank very high just by virtue of her proportions being on the side of short. If she was scaled up to more realistic sizes, her breasts would be large enough to fill my hands, her legs would be long, and her hips would make for great handholds when you’re railing her, but with how tiny she is all that appeal is shrunk down and makes it hard to really appreciate.
That said though, I’d be damned for lying if I said it didn’t all somehow just mesh together well into an appeal that’s all her own.
“Well?” Betty asked as she gave Anon a heated stare, her left hand caressing the breast on its side. “Don’t keep a girl waiting now officer. You’re supposed to protect and serve.” She then lifted her dainty right hand and traced Anon’s lip, causing him to reflexively suck on the fingers. “So, serve.”
Anon didn’t say a word, instead opting to grab the Toon girl’s hand and proceeding to kiss and suck on the limb, paying special attention to the fingers by spinning his tongue around the tiny digits before moving downward. Slowly he trailed down her arm, licking and sucking at every inch of skin he could until he reached her shoulder. There, his lips latched on and just sucked hard before moving on, dark black marks left on her shoulder and the side of her neck in his wake, causing Betty to groan as her legs ground together, her juices pouring from her.
Relax, the marks aren’t as serious as the color indicates. It’s just that when you’re black and white, a hicky tends to take on a darker shade.
Having left his markings, Anon then trailed downward, now just licking as he went, until he reached Betty’s small, but perky breasts. With nary an invite, he latched his lips on the nearest grey nub of a nipple he could and began sucking, his hands moving behind her torso and pulling her closer to himself and making it easier to fit more and more of her small breast into his mouth until the entire mound was in it.
When I said Betty had small breasts, I was not kidding.
Said Toon woman was a mild mess at this point, her head tossed back as she moaned loud enough to shake the windows slightly, her eyes wide open and crossed, her tongue flopping out while her legs instinctively began rubbing at Anon’s side.
“Oooooh WALT DISNEY!” She moaned out, relishing in the feeling of Anon sucking away at an entire tit, the suction causing no small amount of tingling to flood her body. “No one’s done THIS before! No one’s ever even paid my girls any attention before!”
Anon let go of her perky tit with a loud pop, only his grip on her keeping her from falling back into the mattress. “Well what can I say Miss Boop? A true breast man makes the most out of what he has. Only a jackass can’t find a way to have fun with these beauties.” He then wrapped his mouth around her other breast, sucking at it like a man possessed and sending the woman in his arms into a squealing fit.
Having had his fun, he released her breast and began moving downward once more, taking a moment to lick at her belly button for a moment before an idea entered his mind. Without a word he stood up, bringing the squirming woman in his grasp along for the ride, before flipping her around so that she was now staring at Anon’s feet, and pressing her curvy little body against himself. This also, “coincidentally” put the good Miss Boop’s drooling snatch right under his face.
Like everything else about the Toon, it was small, but absolutely flooding with aroused fluids. Enough that every breath Anon took filled his nose with her scent, causing him to drool slightly. With a little effort, he moved a free hand to her outer lips and pushed them aside for a better look.
“Oh lord,” Anon moaned after a particularly good whiff, “I had no idea Toon women could smell so appetizing.”
A small giggle came from Betty. “If you think the smell is nice, try a taste sweetie.”
With his invite received, Ann leaned his head down and gave one long lick at Betty’s quivering folds, his tongue smothering her pussy completely as he gathered a small mouthful of her juices.
Anon’s eyes widened as the flavor filled his mouth. “Holy shit! Strawberries!? Really!?” Driven by the flavor of the Toon woman’s snatch, he lifted her higher and began lashing into her folds desperately trying to lap up as much of the sweet nectar.
“OOOH!” Betty threw her head back in a loud moan as Anon’s tongue filled her depths, each run managing to rub against her clit. “Oh, you know what a girl wants officer!” Her hands snaked down to unbuckle his belt, and with a little push gravity sent them to his ankles. Her eyes widened as she saw the tent in Anon’s boxers.
“Oh my Walt,” she muttered as a strong shiver went through her body, from the sight of Anon’s member or his ministrations she’d never know, and a trail of drool leaked from the side of her mouth. “AA-Anon, please, (OOH!) please lower me a bit!”
Anon was hesitant to get away from the source of that wonderful taste, so rather than just outright lower the tiny woman in his arms he leaned forward a few inches, lowering her without moving his snatch from her face.
Miss Boop couldn’t help but roll her eyes, but Anon’s efforts did lower her enough that she could grab hold of the band in his shorts and yank them down, revealing his now bobbing cock to the Black and White woman. She then grabbed it by the base, her tiny hands not even able to wrap around half his shaft, and pulled the member upwards so that the tip was just centimeters from her lips.
“I’ve always lOOOVED being with humans.” Betty cooed and moaned from Anon’s assault. “Always soOOO much harder than any Toon man (oh yes, right there) could be!” Her lips them pressed against the head of his erection and let out a series of small smack as she lightly kissed it over and over again, leaving dark black lipstick marks with every press.
Anon went stiff he felt Betty begin lavishing attention on his member, every kiss causing a shiver to run up his spine as he let out a loud moan with every peck. His knees buckled heavily, causing him to lean forward more and more, something Betty wasn’t expecting as the head of his cock forced its way into her tiny mouth, her shock being muffled by a loud “MMPH!”
“Ooooh fuck yes…” Anon moaned as he felt the fleshy tip enter something that had proven itself to be tighter than any pussy he’d been in before, though just as warm, wet and inviting. Not even thinking, he lowered the woman in his arms further, slowly shoving more of his mast deeper in her mouth and down her throat.
Betty’s eyes rolled backwards in bliss as she felt Anon’s dick stretch out her mouth as more and more slid into her throat, the sheer size of his member causing her neck to expand out to accommodate it. She couldn’t help but moan as she wrapped her tongue around the fleshy shaft and gently jerked it off as it went.
“Oh good boy,” Betty thought to herself, her pussy quivering as it practically flooded with her juices. “Fill me up more!” Slurping noises filled the air as she began to wildly suck away at the intruding member as best as she could.
Eventually Anon managed to cram his dick into the grayscale woman’s mouth down to the base, her nose pressed against his firm testicles, the smell of his musk and the seed churning inside the large orbs filling her nostrils.
Something in Anon seemed to snap at this point, his eyes glazed over as a low growl escaped his throat. He suddenly let go of the tiny woman in his arms, letting her drop before catching her, leaving her more level with his pelvis and causing Betty to let out a small grunt. Then, with no mercy or tenderness, he began thrusting his hips back and forth, drawing back till the head was all that was in her mouth before slamming back in, repeating the process over and over with the smaller woman grunting and moaning the entire time.
Now, one could be forgiven for feeling sympathy for the Toon woman at this point. After all, while they don’t feel pain per say, Toons CAN find certain acts to be quite uncomfortable. Betty Boop however, was not most Toons. She was a Fleischer Toon. A Toon drawn to go above and beyond in the name of slapstick, and while the good Miss Boop may not have been put through the wringer as often or as hard as her contemporaries, she could still take it rougher than most.
With every thrust Betty just squirmed in Anon’s grip as her hands quickly made themselves busy, one hand gently cradling Anon’s balls as best as it could while the other busied itself with the folds between her legs, the digits rapidly rubbing against the nub of her clit as Anon pounded her throat like a piston.
Sadly, Anon could only last a few minutes of this before he felt a tightening sensation coming from his testicles. With a roar, he jerked his hips forward one last time, his erect mast expanding just a bit more before practically exploding as it shot round after round of near boiling hot cum directly into her stomach in such amounts that it actually caused her stomach to expand a bit. All throughout this Anon continued to use Betty’s mouth as his personal fuck toy, each shot of jizz met with another thrust and causing a loud squelching noise as his cum started to overflow out of her mouth. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” he screamed with each thrust.
Finally Anon’s emissions stopped, and with a groan he pulled Betty off his deflating member and dropped her on the bed, a burst of thick cum spurting out of her tiny mouth and covering her face in the warm goo. Anon just stood there for a moment trying to catch his breath while Betty slowly sat up and tried to gulp down Anon’s seed. Unfortunately for said officer, Anon’s wits came back to him around this point. The images that ran through his head, Betty suing the department, becoming a social pariah in all of Las Angeles, being chased out of town on the Red Car’s rail, it all caused his blood to run ice cold.
With no recourse available to him, Anon quickly dropped down on his knees and moved his hands to a begging position as he knelt his head down before Betty.
“OH PLEASE MS. BOOP! PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I’M SO SORRY! I…I JUST FELT SO GOOD AND I COULDN’T CONTROL MYSELF AND…”
“It’s all right Mr. Mus.” Betty waved the panicking human off with a calm, cum covered smile. “I actually liked it.”
“I SWEAR I’LL wait, what?”
Instead of answering right away, Betty took a few moment to scoop up the seed on her face with her fingers and scooping it into her mouth before gulping it down with a loud swallow in an exaggerated manner, causing a large lump to pass down her neck and into her stomach until it hit her cum filled belly with the combined lump then moving down till it hit the bottom of her feet and bounced back up to her head where it stopped and her body returned to it’s normal proportions.
Who needs expensive gym memberships or painful diets? Lose weight the Toon Town way today!
Her mass normal again, Betty turned to Anon with a heavy lidded gaze. “C’mon Mr. Mus. No Toon girl is gonna get TOO upset by that kinda treatment, and I downright like it.” She practically purred that last bit as she licked her mouth.
And now you see one major reason as to why I prefer Toon ladies. I know back in the first case I told you about how the lack of a gag reflex was a major factor for me, but the truth is a bit more than that.
See, while I fully admit to being a Toon fetishist, I don’t dislike human ladies. Hell, I’d be lying if I said a lot of human porn stars these days don’t really do it for me. But between the size of my bait and tackle, my penchant for rough sex, combined with my bad habit of losing control of myself in the heat of things, and you can see why I tend to avoid sleeping with human women as a rule. Not many human women who can deal with me.
An amused look came over Betty’s face as Anon gawked at her in surprise. “That said, you’re still a naughty boy Mr. Mus. Cumming like that without letting me join in, for shame.” She then leaned back on the bed and spread her legs wide, her pussy lips splitting open slightly to show off her darker grey depths. “But I know how you can make it up to me…”
Anon, still fearing the worse, scrambled over and all but planted his head into Betty’s snatch only for the Toon to grab his head and pull it upward, making sure they were eye to eye.
“No Mus, I want you to fuck me.” Her legs started rubbing up and down Anon’s sides, the smooth feeling causing Anon to groan a bit. “Long, and hard, with no holding back.”
Anon just stared at the smaller woman for a moment before a large grin formed and nearly split his face. Before Betty could tell what was happening, Anon grabbed her legs and yanked them upward, flipping her backwards onto the bed with a light shriek. He then moved his grip to her ankles before pushing them till they were beside her ears.
“Well then,” he began as he pressed the head of his once again hard member against her folds, “I’d better make sure you feel it then!” His hips thrust forward, burying himself balls deep into the tiny Toon woman with a loud squelching noise due to her juices, his member visible through a large lump that formed on Betty’s body that stretched from where their hips met to just under where the Black and White girl’s ribcage would be.
Thank GOD for Toon physics.
The smaller woman’s eyes went as wide as they could, her back arching as her body shivered in long delayed orgasm.
“OH YES! YES! I’M SO FULL! I LOVE THIS FEELING!”
As Betty let out an ear piercing shriek and Anon’s eyes crossed in strained pain, the Officer quickly learned what a bad idea going in so deep, so quickly was. While he was no stranger to sex, he’d never had any experience with women with Betty’s stature. Really though, a second of thought would’ve told him that a woman that petite would be tight enough that going in slowly would be just as much for his benefit as hers.
As it stands, Anon was in an odd type of agony. Betty’s folds were smooth as velvet, warm and inviting, but the grip she had couldn’t even be called a vice grip, that wouldn’t do her justice. No, Betty’s snatch was more akin to an alligator’s bit in how hard she was clamping down on his intruding shaft.
With great strain Anon slowly began pulling back, Betty whimpering all the while as the lump his member was causing pulled back with him, until all that remained was the head of his dick.
“Okay,” he panted as he felt the smaller woman’s hips trying to fill her back up again, “Let’s try this again.” His hips them began pushing forward again, this time at a much slower pace and drawing a happy moan out of the tiny Toon lady under him as her hands began rubbing at the returning bulge.
“Mmm. I always loved having sex with humans. I don’t know why, but being filled up like this,” she gave Anon’s member a pair of squeezes, one from inside her snatch and the other from her hands wrapping around the lump it formed in her stomach, “always gets me going.”
Anon let out a low grunt as he bottomed out in Betty’s depths again, “Well I hate to ask this of a lady, but could you stop going? I’m pretty certain if I came right now, anything I shot wouldn’t be able to leave me!”
“Oh, don’t worry officer,” The small Toon cooed as she wrapped her arms around his chest as best as she could, her limbs unable able to loop halfway around the man atop her, “you’ll come plenty for me.”
Spurred on by her words, Anon slowly began rocking his hips back and forth, gently fucking the Toon woman in his grip into the mattress with every thrust. Soon he managed to get accustomed to Betty’s grip enough that he could start actually thrusting at a decent clip, causing the bed to rock and squeak alongside his and Betty’s moaning.
“Oh yesss!” The short woman groaned as she felt his hips slap into her’s again, “C’mon mister, I can take it! Really give it to me! Make me feel it!”
Spurred on by the encouragement, Anon began humping Betty more quickly and harshly, the bed shaking and squeaking wildly as he went as the Toon woman under him was pressed into the mattress harder and harder. Betty’s face was the definition of bliss drunk, her eyes rolled to the back of her head with her tongue dangling out, her pussy clamping down harder and harder on Anon’s dick as though it were actively sucking on it.
The velvet walls all but actively sucking him off, combined with the sheer pressure from her snatch’s grip proved to be too much for Anon’s restraint.
“Rgh! Cumming, I’m cumming!”
With one more strained grunt as his member expanded slightly before firing off near boiling seed into Betty’s depths with each burst being accompanied by a particularly hard thrust, the sheer amount causing the lump his member was causing in her body to expand and jiggle slightly.
“Boop! BOOP! BOOP BOO A DOOP!”
As he was thrusting and cumming, Betty’s toes spread wide as her own orgasm hit her with a loud scream of her catchphrase, her body shaking as her own fluids mixed with Anon’s resulting in a goopy mess.
As their high started to fade, Anon let go of Betty’s legs so his arms could be used to prop himself up and not crush the tiny woman under him, said legs then falling to the side as human and Toon attempted to catch their breath.
“Oh wow…” Betty panted out as stars literally circled her head, “never been with a human who could make me scream my catch phrase before.” A loud slurping noise drew her attention downward. There, she saw Anon had pulled himself out. His erection still stood hard, dripping with their combined juices and red from friction. “Oh wow, normally a guy has to wait a bit before they *MMPH!*”
Anon wasted no time, quickly moving himself up before Betty had time to think and forcing himself back into her mouth before rapidly thrusting down her throat once more. The Toon woman struggled at first, her hands on his hips trying to force him off before she just rolled and closed her eyes and moved her hands, one hand massaging his dangling balls while the other went to her still dripping pussy where she began to finger herself. All the while the sounds of a squeaking bed and sloppy face fucking filled the air.
----------------------------
Hey, cut me some slack huh? Do you have ANY idea how long it had been for me? To say I was hard up was an understatement. Anyway, we continued like that for a long…
-----------------------------
Betty was atop Anon, her hips riding him like a bronco while his hands were wrapped around her chest, rubbing at her tiny tits. Her head flung backwards from a particularly good thrust from the man below her as she screamed to high heaven.
-----------------------
Long…
----------------------------------------
Now on her hands and knees, Betty was rocking alongside the bed as Anon thrust violently into her, his hips clapping against her ass. Her hands eventually slipped, causing her front half to tumble into the bed. This did nothing to stop Anon who just kept plowing her into the mattress again.
--------------------------
LONG…
---------------------------------
Anon was now just outright holding onto the good Miss Boop with both of his hands, moving her up and down on his own as though she were some kind of onahole. At this point Betty herself actually seemed out of it, her eyes rolled into the back of her head as Anon’s cum poured out of her mouth, pussy, and ass onto the bed below, her belly jiggling from the sheer amount of Anon’s cum inside her at this point..
---------------------------
Long time. Seriously, I’m pretty certain it was dawn by the time I’d finally passed out. Take my advice, don’t get so used to sex that “taking matters into your own hands” completely loses its appeal. You WILL hit a dry spell at some point and that situation leads to some…build up.
What happened next I don’t really have the clearest picture on. I was out like a light till noon the next day. Betty filled me in on it much later, so if anything seems odd you’ll have to take it up with her.
---------------------------------------------
A small beam of sunlight was able to peek through the window of the dressing room Anon and Betty had found themselves in. Said Lieutenant was currently snoozing away on the bed, surprisingly clean and exposed with a pitcher of water and pile of rags on a table next to the bed indicating how he was so clean. Elsewhere in the room, standing in front of a mirror, was Betty Boop once again clad in her classic black mini dress and straightening out her appearance. Satisfied with her look, she turned back to the sleeping Lieutenant and stroked his face tenderly before turning around and starting to walk away.
“Sorry Officer,” she muttered to herself with no small amount of sadness in her voice, “I just hope this doesn’t go too badly for you.” She then left the room, gently closing the door behind her.
--------------------------------------
Outside the Ink & Paint club, in an alleyway behind the building, a man stood. He was the sort of man who you could tell with a glance exactly what kind of person he was. His hair was slicked back with enough gel to form a slimy shell. His clothing was a mishmash of various bits of clothing, a wrinkled dress shirt that was covered in a mish mash of various condiment stains, his pants were very well worn and looked to be coated in stains of their own ranging from grease to oil and even the odd bit of oil and his shoes, simple black leather slip ons, looked as though the very idea of polish was considered a myth.
His face though drew it all together. To call him weasel like would be nothing short of accurate. His nose was long and thin and completely covered in blackheads, his eyes small and beady but darting back and forth as though he were constantly looking for something, and his teeth were a jagged mess. As a cherry on top, he looked as though he were constantly covered in a thick layer of grease.
A clacking noise drew his attention to the entry to the alley. There he saw Betty walking to him, her heels clacking as her feet hit the ground and carrying a very depressed look on her face.
“Did you get the pictures you needed?” She asked hesitantly, not looking directly at the slimy man. Said man smiled at the shorter woman.
“Oh yeah, I got PLENTY to work with!” He pulled out a small camera from inside his shirt and began fondling the device. “I mean, an officer of the law fucking a Toon woman would be a juicy enough scoop, but with how rough the guy was?” The man began snickering to himself as the thought went through his head. “Oh, I am gonna make a damned FORTUNE selling these pictures!”
Betty’s face twisted in disgust, both at the man before her, and at herself for helping this slimeball. “Whatever, just…just give me my cut please. I need to go home and shower.”
With a shrug, the man handed her a folded up letter. She opened it, revealing a number of dollar bills before flipping through it, counting the bills up.
“Gotta say,” the man started while openly leering at Betty’s curves. “I don’t know what you Toons need cash for. Not like you gotta eat or anything.”
Betty’s eyes rolled as she put the envelope in her tiny cleavage. “Even Toon Town costs rent buddy.”
It’s true. While it’s a cheap place to live in, Toon Town still charges you for living there. Just because a mouse hole can be stretched out for you to enter and leave it doesn’t mean space is unlimited.
The man’s smile grew wider as he moved closer to Betty before he planted his right hand on her tiny ass cheeks, causing the Black and White Toon to stiffen. “That so?” He asked with a small squeeze accompanying the question. “Y’know, taking those picture got me a little hot and bothered. I might be able to help you out a bit more if you were to help ME out a bit.”
The glare Betty gave the man was enough to make him back away, quite the accomplishment considering her design didn’t really allow her a lot of freedom in that regard. With a small “Hmph!” She strode away from the now shuddering slime ball, her heels clicking heavier as she nearly stomped off but not before leaving him with one parting shot.
“Not if a Rockefeller was paying me dirtbag.”
------------------------------
One Week later…
The inside of Anon’s apartment was the definition of a bachelor pad, even back in the 1950’s. That is to say, it was a chaotic, yet organized mess. Clothes were strewn about in a way that would allow their owner to dress as he went, magazines were scattered on a coffee table but with the oldest ones always on the top of the pile, and so on with various bits and bobs not where they should be place, but always strewn about for convenience.
The owner of said Apartment was currently in his bed, dead to the world as his alarm clock showed it was currently 12PM. Strewn about him were his twisted sheets and more than a few empty bottles of alchohol. While most would assume a fair amount of irresponsibility on Anon’s part for such a state, one look at a nearby callender marking this day and the next as his days off would do a fair amount to alleviate such concerns.
The Lieutenant’s deep slumber was broken by the ringing of a phone nearby on a night stand, causing an agonized groan from the officer as his bleary and more than a little bloodshot eyes slowly cracked open to greet the world with an annoyed glare. After a bit of flailing he managed to grab the phone and bring it to his head.
“You have two minutes to say what you need to say. Any time after that and I WILL tear into you for waking me up on my day off.”
The voice on the other end let out a tired chuckle. “Mus, I’m pretty certain you couldn’t tear into me if I gave you a hacksaw.”
Anon shot up, his eyes wide as he recognized the voice on the other end. “C-c-Chief Jeffords! I’m sorry sir, I wasn’t expecting…”
“Calm down son, I’m not gonna yell at you for a bit of rudeness on your day off. Heaven knows I’m no fan of being woken up by a phone call myself. Besides, there’s bigger problems at hand here.”
“I figured as such sir! I’ll be right down as soon as I can find my uniform!”
“Don’t bother.” Jeffords spoke in what was unistakibly a sad tone. “Just bring your side arm and badge Mus, and something to cover your face.”
Anon’s head tilted to the side at hearing that “My face sir?”
“Just…just trust me on this Mus. I’ll fill you in when you get here.” A click came over the reciver and was followed by a dial tone, leaving Anon more confused than he’d been in a while.”
--------------------------------
By the time I’d gotten to the station, the reasons for keeping my face covered were quickly made apparent. Outside there were dozens upon dozens of people, all marching in unison and most of them carrying signs, calling out LAPD for such things as hiring perverts, protecting monsters, encouraging the degradation of moral values, things of that nature. What drew most of my focus though were two types of signs in particular and the people holding them. The first bunch of signs were hastily drawn pictures of what looked to be Human men and women embracing Toon women and men with a large red circle with a line placed on top of them. That was the unmistakable symbol of the Anti-Toon and Human Socialization league, or A.T.S.L. for short.
Now, those of you born in the 90’s probably don’t know these guys too well, but back in my day they were a major organization. See, before Toon Town was established Toons and Humans lived side by side. It was…not a great time for either. Back then Toons were a very young group and didn’t really have a good grasp on their zaniness yet. While no one ever got HURT from their antics, the property damages were nothing short of immense. You think a bar fight can be bad these days, you should’ve seen what happened when the likes of Popeye the sailor was involved. And don’t get me started on the amount of stores torn apart by bulls seeing red tablecloth or shirts fluttering in wind.
Thus, A.T.S.L. was formed, starting off as a group of people demanding Toons be given their own places to live so that they didn’t wreck everyone else’s neighborhoods. The Toons, seeing all the damage they’ve caused, agreed to this and started striving to learn a bit of Self Control while out and about. All things considered, it worked out pretty well.
So what happened? I’ll tell you, what ALWAYS happens when a group that formed for a societal change gets what they want. They found something else to bitch about. See, the A.T.S.L. had a LOT of money coming in through their donation drives, and the higher ups weren’t too eager to let go of that cash flow. So, rather than get real jobs now that they had what they wanted, they shifted focus to Human/Toon “relations” if you catch my drift, and added a focus on the religious aspects of life, going on about how Human/Toon relationships went against God’s plan and the like. Can’t even tell you how many happy couples were forced apart because of these assholes, or people disowned by family members for “dabbling in watercolors.”
Which leads me to what was on the second batch of their signs, my handsome mug with phrases like pervert, degenerate, and so on.
Thankfully I was able to make it inside without issue, my scarf wrapped around my mouth making that a simple enough affair, but the inside of the station wasn’t any less hectic. Various officers were on the phones, said bits of technology constantly ringing and lighting up as it seemed like half the damned state was calling us. Seeing that I wasn’t going to get any answers from anyone right now, I darted to the Chief’s office.
-----------------------------------------
The office of one Police Chief Vincent Jeffords was not, by any definition of the word, Spartan. The walls were covered with various frames showing college diplomas, group photos of the precinct through his tenure as Chief, and various newspaper clipping of cases he solved . On his desk one would find pictures of his wife a tall and svelte young woman of Haitian descent with curves that would draw attention from most any red blooded man, and their daughters, a pair of adorable twins one with long curly hair and the other with long straight hair, both of whom seemed to share younger versions of their mother’s face. Really, the only thing that really stood out in the office was a small weight set in the corner furthest away from the door.
As the door opened and Anon peeked in, he could see Jeffords sitting at his desk, both of his hands massaging his brow while he glared at a newspaper and a magazine in front of him. He looked the very definition of haggard with his uniform askew and wrinkled, as though he hadn’t been home in days. The Chief looked u to see Anon entering the room and gestured to a chair in front of his desk.
“Take a seat Anon. I’d rather talk to you first before we get into anything.”
The incognito officer proceeded to do so, just staring at the obviously exhausted Chief before him. After a few, long, tense moments, Jeffords looked at Anon with a look that demanded no bullshit.
“I’m just going to ask you right out Anon, have you ever sexually assaulted a Toon woman?”
Anon’s own eyes went wide at that accusation. “WHAT!? NO! I mean, I know I can get rough, but I’ve never done anything that wasn’t consensual!”
Please keep in mind this was BEFORE I met Annie Fannie.
Sgt. Jeffords nodded as he released a breath Anon didn’t even know he was holding. “That’s good. I knew this was sensationalist bullshit.” He then tossed the newspaper towards Anon, who caught it and looked at the front page. His blood ran ice cold as he saw the name of said paper and the contents of the front page.
Hollywood Reporter
Hero Cop’s Secret Vices!
What followed was a distressingly detailed account of what had happened between Anon and Betty Boop a week ago, with certain things oh so conveniently omitted such as her consent when things started getting rough and her egging him on at certain points. Then there were the photos included, edited to preserve a degree of modesty in a newspaper and preserve Betty’s identity, but Anon was left exposed nearly completely.
The sound of paper crinkling and tearing filled the office as Anon began to crush the tabloid in his hands. “What. The. Fuck. Is. THIS!?” He snarled as he glared holes into the paper before him. Jefford’s just sighed as he leaned back with a sympathetic look on his face.
“That, is the biggest shitstorm to hit the precinct ever since we brought O’Mallard on the force. We haven’t gotten a moment’s peace ever since that was sent out last night. We’ve been getting calls non stop ever since, andalways the same; people complaining that we let a degenerate pervert who fucks Toons on the force.”
Seeing the look on Anon’s face, the Sergeant let out a bitter chuckle. “Yeah, no one’s complaining about the supposed assault on your end. Just the fact it was with a Toon. I’d imagine it’d be a different tune if she was human.”
Anon just turned his gaze down towards his lap as the full extent of just how screwed he was hit home. “So…so what’s next?”
Vincent’s face twisted slightly out of sadness and fury. “If it were up to me, we’d just let the assholes out there run themselves ragged. As it stands though, even the Governor has decided to step in on this. I’ve done everything I can here, but the absolute best I can do for you is…” He paused as if he REALLY didn’t want to say the next part, “have you removed from the force.”
“WHAT!?” Anon screeched as his eyes nearly popped out of his head. More than a few officers outside turned their heads towards the office.
“It’s either that or I arrest you for moral indecency Mus!” Seeing the now Ex-Cop was silent, he continued. “The Governor is cracking down on that sort of thing Mus, and the A.T.S.L. are a significant voting block. They want blood of some tiype for this, and letting you go is the absolute best I can do.”
Anon slumped in the chair, looking utterly and completely defeated by this news. “I…chief I can’t…what am I supposed to do? Being a cop is all I know. It’s all I wanted to be…” His eyes widened a bit as a thought hit him. “What about Patty!? He’s my partner! Who’s gonna be working with him from now on!?”
Vincent just looked at Anon with no small amount of sympathy. “Starting tomorrow, and against my advice, Lieutenant O’Mallard will be assigned with Lieutenant Hepler.”
“Hepler!?” Anon shouted with no small amount of horror. “Who decided that!? The man hates Toons! They might as well just staple a steak to him and throw him into a lion’s cage!”
Jeffords let out an annoyed sigh. “Again, the Governor’s office. I have no idea what that idiot is thinking.” He looked at Anon once more with a sad look. “If there are no more questions on your part Lieutenant, your badge and gun please.” He held out his hands expectantly.
Anon’s thoughts were racing. Not too long ago he’d been on top of the world, only to be cut down like a blade of grass. With tears in his eyes he pulled out his Service pistol and badge and handed them over to Vincent without a fuss.
“Give Fabiola and the kids my best Sarge.”
The two men nodded and Anon turned without a word, walking out the door and out of the precinct.
------------------------------
Back in his apartment, Anon stewed in a large, well worn but still comfy chair, a bottle of hard liquor in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, the sound of the radio filling the air.
“In local news, an Officer from the L.A.P.D. was dishonorably discharged today following a scandal with a Toon woman. Local groups are outraged by this, and are currently pressuring the Governor and state government for harsher standards for law enforcement officials. In a statement from the governor’s office…
Anything else that could be said was tuned out as Anon attempted to drown himself in a bottle of White Chocolate Godiva, a gift from last Christmas that he’d originally decided to save in case he’d managed to make Sergeant. Right now though, that seemed to be a dream from an entirely different person.
“Phuckin newz…not like erryun didn alredy know. Surprized they didn’ just tell evryune mah name alredy.” He rose the bottle up for another swig, but was cut off by a series of loud knocks coming from his door. “Phuckin soliziters. Can’ get any peaz.”
With no small amount of stumbling, the ex cop rose up and wandered to the door, amazingly managing not to spill any of his drink on the way. After a struggle trying to figure out how doors worked, he managed to open it and see the short figure of Patty O’Mallard standing behind it.
“Hey partner. Came by to see how you were doin. Mind if I come in?”
Anon just stood there for a moment, trying to comprehend the sight of a talking duck before her remembered just who Patty was. “Shure, shur pard. C’mon in. Mi caza is…something something, I unno.”
Anon stumbled backward, with Patty following right behind him, the animated duck looking around the place to make sure Anon wasn’t in the process of doing anything TOO stupid.
“Ah’d offer you a drink, but Ahm afraid allz I got is booze. Was gonna pick up some soda when I went shopping tommerow.”
“That’s fine Part, I’m not planning on sticking around too long. I mean, after that thing with that Toon lady, people would talk, y’know?”
The duo shared a good chuckle at that. Anon because he genuinely thought it funny, and Patty seeing his best friend hadn’t lost his sense of humor with everything that happened. Eventually Anon collapsed back in his chair while Patty took up space on a couch.
“So,” Patty began awkwardly, “Got any plans for what t do next yet?”
Anon rose up his bottle. “I waz thinkin, I’d drink. Then, I’d drink some more. Then, just ash a change of pace, I’d drink shome mo’.” He took another swig of the bottle before letting out a large belch.
“I was thinking about when you were done drinking partner. Like, employment wise.”
Anon just stared at the Toon duck before him, as though the very idea was alien to him before he just shrugged his shoulders. “I wash thinking shomefin like private security. Y’know, thoshe guysh who watch empty buildings all night. Lotta washed up coppas end up doin that if nuthin else.”
Patty nodded excitedly at hearing that. “Sounds good partner! When do we start?”
Anon was in mid swig when he heard that, causing him to pause and stare at O’Mallard. ”We?”
“Yeah partner! You and me make a great team! You know that, and let’s be honest, no one in the precinct really knows how to work well with me, so I figured I’d come with ya! Watch your back y’know?”
Anon just looked at the animated duck as his alcohol addled mind tried to comprehend what had just been said to him. As his synapses finally connected, he let out a light sigh and looked at Patty with a surprisingly focused look.
“Patty, you need to stay on the forsh.” Anon spoke with no argument.
“WHAT! But Anon…”
Anything else Patty had to say was cut off as Anon held up a hand. “Look, I’d like to have you come along with with mah new job. Yer mah besht friend and yewd be great to haff around. But yer doin a good thin as a cop. Heck, yer frigging drawn fer it man! Yew can’t leave jusht caush I am.”
“But…c’mon Anon! No one else on the force knows how I work! They’re gonna pigeonhole me something fierce! And with me being partnered with that fat sack of…”
“Patty, you can’t let the politicsh of the job get t yash. Hepler may be a pish of shit, but yew know the Capin ain’t gonna keep yah wif him too long.” The drunken ex-cop then leaned in a bit. “Yah know the fire department started hiring Toonsh now? Talkin bout how they could go places wifout worryin bout getting crushed an thinsh like dat.” An arm from Anon reached out and slapped against Patty a bit. “Thash on you bud! You’sh showin errybudy that Toonsh ain’t jusht a bunch ah goofballsh! Yer goofballsh that can help where others can’t!”
Patty just stared at his ex-partner for a moment before a determined stare formed on his face. “Your right partner!” He stood up and struck as dramatic a pose as his rather goofily designed body could manage. “I’m leading the way for a whole new life for Toons! I can’t stop now just because things aren’t going well!” He turned back to Anon and started shaking his hand rapidly. “Thanks for straightening me out partner! Anything I can do to thank you?”
Anon just smiled and gestured to the radio. “Well, if you could put the station on 37.9? Shick of the newsh dumping on me, and The Shadow’sh comin on.”
With a quick salute, the Copper Duck marched over to the large radio and switched it through the stations. As he started marching to the door, a few words from Anon made him pause.
“Patty, if you EVER need help, just come find me, eh? I’ll make sure the Chief knows where I am.”
Patty stood there for a moment with a few tears forming in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away and left, closing the door behind him.
Anon, left alone and with empty bottles around him, just settled down and listened to the radio.
“We regret to inform our listeners that today’s listening of The Shadow has been canceled due to an outbreak of the cold among the actors and staff…”
“Fucking hell,” Anon grumbled to himself as he massaged his brow. “I jush can’ haf ANTHIN today, can I?”
“In it’s place, we shall be playing a rerun of an episode of The Adventures of Sam Spade.”
Not having anything else to do, and with his legs not feeling up to moving with the alchohol pumping through them, Anon just settled for listening to the radio play. As he listened though, his thoughts started racing through his mind. In his drunken haze it was hard to sort most of it out, but by the end of the performance one thought had managed to imbed itself before sleep claimed him.
“I should be a Private Eye…”
--------------------------------------------
So yeah. That’s the story pretty much. From superstar cop, busting open one of the biggest drug and people trafficking rings on the west coast, to a P.I cast off from the force. Hell, that was even the last time I ever saw Patty. The duck pretty much vanished off the face of the Earth about a year after I left for Toon Town, and I only found out about that a fucking YEAR after that happened!
So why set up in Toon Town? Practicality mostly. Putting aside the low rent, my mug was pretty instantly recognizable in L.A., and I rather doubt anyone would be willing to hire a pervert P.I.. At least in Toon Town the folks there wouldn’t care too much beyond a few cheap gags. As for Betty Boop, she came clean to me about the whole matter by week two of the whole mess. It would’ve beenthe first week, but back in those days trying to find someone wasn’t quite as easy as a Google search of their name.
I forgave her. I could’ve held a grudge, but I’ve seen people do worse when desperate for cash, and jobs for classic Toons can be hard to get at in the best of times. Not to say we’ve ever fucked since then mind, I’d be too paranoid to get things rising for the occasion. That said though, if I ever got my hands on that piece of shit paparazzi who took those damned pictures I can promise you they’d never find enough of him to convict me.
------------------------------------------
1957, Hollywood Los Angeles. The night of Anon’s firing.
As one would imagine in a city such as LA, there are many an alleyway scattered about. Most dingy, some occupied by homeless people, more than a few occupied by ladies of the night and their Johns, but one in particular was occupied not by whores, bums, and grime, but by one weasel looking skeevy paparazzi who looked to be waiting for someone.
“Fucking shit…” he mumbled to himself as he lit a cheap cigarette. “Would it kill these guys to be on time? The whole fashionably late shit only works for parties.”
As if to answer his grumblings, or just to shut him up, a long limousine slowly drove up to the mouth of the alleyway, it’s lights off as if trying not to arouse suspicion. It soon stopped and a series of doors opening accompanied by footsteps indicated more than a few people just left it. The mouth of the alley soon had a pair of well dressed men in sharp looking suits standing at it, looking in and directly at the greaseball within. Looking at the car itself he could see a pair of hats moving on the other side, with another set of car doors opening up, though one was accompanied by what sounded like metal clashing against itself before being replaced by squeaking wheels. As the doors closed another pair of sharp dressed men could be seen walking around the limo, followed by the unmistakably piggish form of Officer Hepler, clad in much more casual wear though his gun was clearly visible from a chest holster, who himself was pushing a very aged looking man in an equally sharp looking suit, though while the others preferred black, his was a rather stark white. The skeevy man smiled when he saw what the old man was carrying in his lap, a folded up issue of the Hollywood reporter and a large yellow envelope.
“Well?” The Paparazzi asked with a crooked grin. “How did it go?
The old man chuckled as he rose up the paper. “It went very well. From what the good Mr. Hepler here tells me, Anon has been cast out in disgrace. The police are in a disarray, and are most likely to be placed under harsher restrictions and the like.” He then held up the fat letter and handed it over to one of his goons who promptly brought it to the Slimeball. “You’ve done very well Mr. Smeg.”
As the now named Smeg opened up the letter, revealing a large pile of cash, and flipping through it counting his spoils, Hepler leaned over to the old man. “Boss, I still gotta ask why didn’t you just ask me to plug Anon? You know I would’ve blasted the little pervert.”
The old man let out a soft sigh. “This Mr. Hepler, is why you’ll never rise much higher in the ranks. A dead hero would just draw more attention to our operations and cast questions. A live disgrace is only a threat if he continues to make a nuisance of himself and can be dealt with whenever we choose.”
With a grunt, Hepler turned back to the now quite cheerful Smeg who was holding onto the letter with a wide smile.
“Well, it’s been nice doing business with you gentlemen. If you’ll excuse me,” he then turned on his heel and began marching off happily towards the mouth of the alley on the other end.
After a few steps, the old man nodded at Hepler. Without so much as a word, Hepler drew his pistol, took aim, and opened fire into Smeg’s back, firing all six rounds into the slime ball, dropping him like a stone. One of the other men walked over to the fallen paparazzi and, after a bit of struggling, took back the letter of cash and brought it back to the old man.
“A second and third lesson for you Hepler.” The old man began as he leafed through the dollar bills. “Never spend money you don’t have to spend, and no one will look twice at a dead paparazzi.”
“Wise words sir.” Hepler spoke as he wheeled the old man back to the car and the rest of the men followed.”
End of chapter
HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT! What’s all this!? I think there’s more plot here than porn! What happened!? Have I lost my mind?! Been replaced by body snatchers!? Become convinced that I could be a legitimate author!?
Nah. Just got a plot squiggling in my head, and I want to try my hand at it. Don’t worry too much, aside from a few bits and pieces here and there, THIS story isn’t getting much of a plot. I’m gonna be putting it into its own story that I’m still hammering out some ideas on. Gonna need a few more chapters here before I can move into that new one to establish some characters who’ll be showing up there.
As an aside, sorry for the hold up on this chapter. In all honesty, the main thing tripping me up here was the sex scene with Betty Boop. Honestly, she just doesn’t really do it for me. Her design is just too…off for me with that large head and tiny body. Basically, a shortstack she aint.
So why include the scene? Well for one, it would’ve made this chapter a LOT shorter. I’m not a fan of too short chapters, so keeping it in helped pad the word count a bit. Two, I know you people aren’t reading this for plot or story development, and I know at least a few of you would enjoy such a scene, so I’m not about to cheat my readers. Finally, I’m gonna be introducing another regular character into this series who’s on the short side, so I might as well get in some practice writing sex scenes with significant height differences.
- 4
- 5
- 6
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Anon E. Mus Private Eye