What Is Your Center?

I leaned back on my bay windowsill on top of the narrow three-story tower I used as a workspace. I took a deep tug from the hose of my small hookah next to me. After a moment I let the thick white smoke out through my nose, watching it quickly fade away. I let out another batch, waving my wrist through the smoke.

Soft nickering sounded next to me and I looked to see Hessian, his head bowed to nudge my shoulder gently. His consciousness pressed to mine and I allowed him in. “You’ve been sad for months.”

“Piss off.” I looked away, hitting the hookah again.

“Halloween is almost upon us. The necromancers have delivered their last batch of spirits to be let loose.”

“And the Skels and Bats?”

“Putting the finishing touches on their wares.” He snorted again. “You haven’t been sleeping.”

I couldn’t. He had tried to find me that way, to talk to me while my defenses were down. I hadn’t slept much for seven months. I glanced down at the globe on the bottom level, seeing the lights flicker. They had become brighter over the last seven months. I hadn’t ventured must past my home in Germany, but I knew it was him.

I looked up as I felt a cold breeze. I startled as I saw the master of ice sitting in front of me, staff forever clutched in his grasp. I narrowed my eyes. “What do the Guardians want with me?”

Jack pulled a look of mock offense. “I may have taken the role of Guardian, but I am still a neutral party.”

I rolled my eyes. “What do you want, Jack?”

He cast his gaze away. “Fear has been rising again. We know you two have history. We need you to find him and—“

“No.”

He looked back at me, thoroughly confused. “No?”

“I want nothing to do with him.” I hung the hose over the hookah and used Wind’s help to drop to the lower level of my tower, standing in front of my globe. Jack landed beside me. “If Pitch is causing trouble again, it is not my place to stop him. You’re asking me to tell him to stop doing what he was created to do.”

 “You’re the only one he listens to.”

I curled my lip at him. “The balance is still in place, is it not?”

“Yeah, but—“

“Then leave him alone. And do not ask me to look for him.”

He tried to say something else, but seemed to change his mind. “I don’t know why you two split all those years ago, but he needs to be watched.”

“He is not a child.”

“I know he isn’t,” he said, his voice calm and reassuring. “Neutral party, Hana. You can talk to me.”

“I have a holiday to prepare for.”

“I’m only trying to help.”

I flinched as my own words rang out. I knew he was true to his word. He hadn’t turned his back to me like the others. He hadn’t been around when I was reborn. He had come to be when I was still happy in my life.

“Hana, you can talk to me. What did he do to you?”

I leaned against the guard rail of the ground floor surrounding my globe, gripping on tight. “Don’t make me go back to then.”

“Hana, please.”

“It doesn’t matter, Jack. It’s a hundred years past.”

“It does matter!” He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, making me see the concern in his features. I hadn’t expected him to care so much.

“Why?”

“Because unlike the others I give a damn about you.”

I narrowed my eyes, uncertain of his angle. “What are you saying?”

“Why do you think I haven’t messed with your day? The only thing I do is provide chills in the air to help. I just never approached you because of him. He threatened my life when I first saw you work. He was clear when he told me to stay away from you.”

Now he made sense. I reached up and took his hand from my shoulder. “Please don’t.”

Realization passed across his face. “You still—“

“I don’t know. There hasn’t been anyone else. I don’t want there to be.”

“Are you so sure about that?”

I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. I noted how close Jack had stood. I shrugged past him. “Go home, Jack.”

“He beat you.”

I froze.

“I know he did. That’s why you left, isn’t it?”

“Please, just go.”

“I only want to help you.”

“I don’t need your help.” I kept my voice level. “Please. Leave.”

He went quiet and circled around in front of me. “I’ll leave, if that’s truly what you want. I want to see something first.”

Before I could say a word otherwise he kissed me. It didn’t feel right. Even his touch was cold. It was a painful reminder that Jack was not him.

I pushed him off, glaring at him. “Now get out.”

I watched him nod and, with the help of Wind, he was gone.

I rubbed my wrist against my lips and retreated to the lower levels underground to oversee the wares. Hessian materialized from the shadows, standing by my side. “Don’t judge me.”

“He came on to you.” He snorted, the sound close enough to a person clearing their throat. “Pray that Pitch will never find out.”

I scoffed. “Would it matter? I’m not afraid of him.”

“Yes, but you would not be the one missing a limb.”

I rolled my eyes and corrected a few of the things the Skels had painted wrong, pushing them in the right direction. “He was a possessive ass in the past, but I doubt he would do such a thing.” I observed one of the pumpkins, finding something off about it.

“You obviously never saw how he looked at you.”

“No, it would seem I haven’t.” My patience was wearing thin. Did no one understand I didn’t want to think of him, or remember anything about him? That I had been avoiding him for seven months for a reason? I thought he could be changed, that he could have been the man I fell for so many centuries ago. I frowned. “Do you think I was rash with my choice?”

“Of leaving him behind? Yes.” The stallion stood in front of me and kept our eyes locked together. “You still haven’t told me why you took off that night. From what I heard in the cemetery, you two were doing well.”

Very well indeed. I had almost forgotten the skills he possessed outside of frightening others.

“A man in his position cannot change overnight. I understand what he did to you in the past, but that does not mean he will do it again. He had lost his mind. That takes time to come back from. He needs you to not give up on him.”

I gestured to the globe above us. “He’s doing well enough on his own. I haven’t been able to use that thing for a nightlight in ages.”

Hessian looked over to my worktable, where I housed my glass spheres. “Is he?”

I hadn’t looked. Hadn’t bothered to see if he really was doing as well as I thought. The globe could have been glowing brighter due to the increased paranoia of the humans, what with their bombs, shootings, and war. It could have had nothing to do with Pitch. “You’re trying to trick me into checking up on him.”

“I’m not.”

I rolled my eyes and stalked over to the worktable, placing a sphere in the holder. “Fine. We’ll see if you’re right. I say he’s doing fine.” I ran my hand over the smooth surface, bringing the shadows to life inside. With a focus of will, the shadows gave way to his lair, where he impatiently paced in front of his own globe. I felt my hear race as I saw him, and nothing I said to myself would slow it down. However, as I looked closer, something seemed wrong. As if he was fighting with himself, almost. He had his powers back, his mentality was stable again, so why was he so upset? Had the Guardians approached him to tell him to back off on their own?

I shook my head. No. They’d rather have me stick my neck out and tell him to stop being who he was meant to be.

As I watched on, I could hear him muttering. I couldn’t tell what. I was worried, yes, but not enough to do something about it. He was a well-grown man; he could take care of himself. I ran my hand over the crystal and let the shadows return to normal. “See? He’s fine.”

“That didn’t look fine to me.”

It didn’t, but what could I do about it? If he was facing another problem, he could deal with it on his own.

My horns tingled painfully and I put a hand up to stabilize it. I could feel power surge under my flesh, amplifying the skills I already had. The time had come to send the creatures out.

Halloween was upon us.