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Memory Burns	By : sickindulgence Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 3211 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
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A/N: Whooo! Ten pages! More up later!

The lab is cold. I can feel it even through my trench. My boots are muted on the metal floor. He's where he always is. I walk up next to him.

"Dad, can we talk?"

"Sure son, what about? How are your studies going?" He's still looking at the computer screen.

"Um, they're okay. Journalism is pretty fun and I like writing..." He shakes his head.

"Too bad you couldn't go into something more useful, like chemistry." I pause, seething.

"...Yeah. Dad, listen, I have something important to tell you." Waiting for him to look at me, but he doesn't. I'm not an experiment or data...or maybe I am, but I didn't turn out the way he wanted me to. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs. Gaz said I needed to tell him. She's always known, and she always knows better. I trust her. "Dad, I'm gay."

Suddenly he is facing me. He towers over me. He puts a hard hand on my shoulder.

"Now son, that's just nonsense. You're in college now and there are a lot of things happening and you're confused."

"No, I'm not! You've got to listen to me!"

"Son," His other hand clamps down on my other shoulder. I can feel myself start to shake. "You have to quit this right now. I know you can make a better choice."

My hands are fists, but my nails don't dig into my palms, because I bit them down to the quick an hour before.

"I'm not stupid. If I had a choice, I would have chosen to be straight. I can't change it."

His brow knits. "Do you want to upset me? Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"I'm sorry, Dad." I feel like I'm going to fall down, my legs shake so bad. "I can't fix this." The weight of his arms lifts.

"Disappointing." He turns back to his monitor. "Get out."

Dawn was breaking. When Dib opened his eyes to the muted morning light, Zim was next to him. He was reclining on the bed, now sans disguise, but still wearing the same clothes from last night. He was working on a vidscreen, absorbed in what he was doing. Surfing the pages, he clicked around rapidly.

This was the first time in many years that Dib again saw Zim in his true form. He stayed very still. Lying on his side, this close, Dib was able to look at his face. His skin. Dib hadn't really been able to focus on it before. It was slightly shimmery. And his eyes, no pupils. Dib couldn't think of any other animal without them, and it made Zim seem very mysterious.

Tap…tappity tap…tap tap…

"What are you looking at, human?" Zim asked, not looking away. Dib sat up.

"Nothing, just…did you sleep at all?"

"No, Irkens to not sleep as you do. Also, I told you I would watch over you, didn't I? How do you feel?"

Dib felt his chest. Still sore but not too painful. His cast arm was okay too. Actually, he didn't even have a headache. He could probably thank Zim for that. Dib cradled his head in his hands, amazed.

"Zim I…I don't know what to say. I thought you hated me, and you saved my life." Zim made a derisive sound, throwing the vidscreen on the side table.

"It means nothing if you continue to act like a foolish…" Zim thought. "Fool." He looked over to Dib, who looked back. "What were you thinking? While you are no match for MY genius, I thought you were smarter than that!" Dib sighed, looking away.

"My father…" Dib looked up. "Professor Membrane is dead."

Zim's red eyes widened. "I don't understand." Dib shook his head.

"None of us do. He died like that." Dib snapped his fingers. "He had cancer. He didn't tell anyone. Then he died at the hospital, alone. And I feel…I feel like…" Dib felt his chest tighten and pain burned inside him. "I'm being punished." Again, he put his face in his hands

Zim's antennae flattened against the top of his head, which he cocked to the side. After a pause, he spoke.

"What makes you think that? Maybe he just didn't want to bother you? On Irk, it is considered honorable to die alone. That way no one can see your suffering and you won't be tempted to ask for help." Dib ran his hands through his hair, looking up.

"We fought a lot. I hadn't talked to him for months before it happened. He hated my choice of career and…other things."

Zim looked at Dib closely. "...Other things?"

Dib chuckled. "Well, I'm pretty sure you figured this out last night, but…I'm gay."

"Oh."

Dib looked over to him. "Surprised?"

Zim jumped a bit, blush forming. "N-no! I mean, what do I care what mate you take? Human sexuality is disgusting, in all forms."

"Yeah? Well, you have that gross…pak thing. What is that for anyway?" Dib tried to touch it, but Zim swatted him away.

"Life support and auxiliary functions. It's not gross, it's necessary."

"So is sexuality, so we can, y'know, keep the species going." Dib grinned. "Um, speaking of…sorry about coming on to you last night. I didn't know who you were, and…well your disguises have improved so much!" Dib nudged him good-naturedly.

"Yes, yes, I'm a master of disguises now. ZIM prevails once again." He started to raise his fist in victory, but shrugged instead.

Silence settled between them once more.

Finally, Dib asked.

"What was the green fireball, Zim? I know you know." Zim shook his hand dismissively.

"It is none of your concern, Earth-worm. Just forget about it."

"I can't forget about something like that, no one else saw it but me, and I know you know what it is! Why can't you just tell me?"

"I just told you it has nothing to do with you! Why is it not enough for me to tell you that? Is it possible you don't trust me after what I did for you?"

Dib raised an eyebrow, thinking.

"Well, how can I? You were following me last night and I don't know why. You ran away from me when I asked about this before, and now you won't tell me what's going on, even though you say it's not a concern to me. If it's sooo not a big deal, why can't you just tell me what it is? So no, I don't trust you at all!" Zim pounded the bed in frustration.

"So that's how it's going to be? I drag your ass back here, after much embarrassment and harassment-yes, harassment! I induce then endure your FILTHY human habit of throwing up and then STAY here at your boring and poorly decorated apartment. You can't just leave this ONE THING alone can you." Zim stood up, pacing. "You know, you aren't any different than when you were a kid, you still can't let ANYTHING slide. The only thing that's changed is that you've become even more of a jackass!"

"Oh yeah? Dib got up, getting straight into Zim's face. "Well YOU" –he poked Zim in the chest- "haven't changed much either. You're a conniving, lying, slimy, dumbfaced COWARD who can't stand up to his own idiotic leaders even after it was clear-"

"DO NOT bring the Almighty Tallest into this you inferior being!"

Dib growled as they stared hard at each other, ending with Dib finally grabbing one of Zim's antennae and yanking

"BASTARD!" Zim howled.

"FUCKING BUG!"

Suddenly the old rivalry was there, as if not a day had gone by since he was a child. Zim tried to pull away by pushing Dib, but he held fast. The boys wrestled, tipping over the office chair Dib had and knocking several things off his desk. Zim's spider legs deployed, but Dib was not letting go and used his other, casted arm as an effective shield against the pointed metal.

"Release me, Earth-stink!" Zim snarled.

"Never!" Dib pushed Zim hard against the wall, trying to disable the Pak somehow. It worked as there was a slight ZZZT and the legs retracted. They stood there for a moment, breathing hard. Dib still had Zim's antenna and was pinning him to the wall, Zim had a clawed hand around Dib's throat, ready to squeeze.

Dib looked into his eyes. They were huge bottomless red pools. Below them, Zim's cheeks were flushed to a deep cerulean. He wasn't sweating exactly, but his skin had developed a bright sheen. For the first time, Dib noticed a scent, sort of low and musky. Did it have a taste? Dib leaned in, slowly. He felt Zim's grip on him tighten, but not push back. Inching along at a snail's pace, and with utter gentleness he lightly brushed his lips against Zim's. Just the barest of touches. It was not quite a kiss.

Pulling back, he looked into Zim's eyes. The alien looked at him, and there was an almost imperceptible movement of his head forward. His lips moved, not to a pucker but something in that direction. There was a very small nod. An acceptance, ever so slight.

Well, you didn't have to tell Dib twice.

An instant later that he had his lips on Zim's. He was pushing himself close to the boy, pulling the antenna and thusly Zim's head closer to his. Zim placed an arm around his waist, urging him nearer. The hand around his throat instantly became a hand stroking the back of Dib's neck. It was the most wondrous thing because Dib had been wanting him since the bar, since the diner, maybe even before that but he didn't know anymore because he was suddenly hungry for his skin and his mouth and what he felt through his pants last night. He tugged the antenna a little and felt rather than heard Zim moan into his mouth. Dib took this hint and pulled his mouth away from the Irken's. Zim whined as he did this, but those sounds turned to moans again as he nibbled the end of the appendage. Zim nuzzled the side of Dibs throat, nipping at it with his teeth and rough tongue.

Dib eventually stopped and Zim looked up. For a moment, they stared into each other's eyes, Dib with a hand on Zim's cheek. They did not speak.

Dib could feel Zim's arousal through his jeans, and Dib himself felt like he was bursting. With abandon, he grabbed for Zim's fly, only to make frustrated sounds as he remembered it took him five minutes every day to unzip/unbutton his own fly with one hand.

Zim rescued him by undoing Dib's pants first, then his. Dib did not know what to expect from Zim's member, but he was not disappointed. It was easily seven inches long, green, erect, and had the most interesting raised bumps vertically lining the shaft, as if Zim had apadravya piercings an inch apart from tip to base. Driven by instinct, he grabbed his tool and rolled two of the bumps simultaneously, one with his thumb and one with his forefinger. Zim's body started to shake and he grabbed Dib's shoulders with both hands.

"Ah…ah…ahaahaaaaa…"

Realizing that standing was becoming dangerous, Dib led Zim to the bed, falling back upon it so that Zim was over him. Fucking cast Dib thought. Kicking off his pants and forcing what was left of Zim's off, he pulled the Irken on his side and adjusted himself so that his cast was sort of tucked out of the way. It was a little uncomfortable with his ribs, or it would have been if Dib had been paying attention.

Dib thanked whatever higher deity was in charge that his wanking arm had not been the one injured in the crash, or he wouldn't have been able to maneuver grasping both his and Zim's cocks to create delicious friction. Thrusting languidly, Dib did his best to manipulate as many of the small clitoris-like nubs as he could. Dib's member was able to rub against most of the bottom ones while he played the top ones like a flute.

All the while Zim was moaning and shaking and pulling Dib closer, burying his head in the crook of neck again. Dib could feel himself building, higher than he'd ever been before, but he did his best to measure his thrusts and keep in control. Zim brought trembling hands to Dibs face and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss that nearly pushed Dib over.

No no oh god don't cum yet oh godohgodohdog

Dib speeded up his ministrations and Zim pulled away, gasping and writhing. Something was coming from his mouth now, but it wasn't English. Low and serpentine, it streamed from his lips as a mantra from a foreign sun. His eyes had closed at some point and Dib was able to focus on his face, beautiful and wholesome as he worked himself into a lather.

Fuuuuuck won't be long now hurry up Zim!

Dib quickly grabbed one of Zim's hands and brought it down to work in tandem with his own. This new, extra sensation and they were both at the brink. Suddenly Zim bucked and cried out, eyes flying open as he spilled himself onto the duvet. Dib followed a split second later, hissing through clenched teeth.

Breathing hard, they lay there for a moment, in quiet peace. Outside it was bright and calm, no wind or traffic, or even birds. It felt like the earth had stopped rotating. All Dib could hear was Zim's steadying breathing. Rolling on his back, he sighed contentedly. That was probably some of the best sex he'd ever had.

Course, now came the tender issue of speaking.

"Wow...uh...that was..." Dib closed his eyes. C'mon, you're not this inept! "I really needed that." He finished lamely. He looked over at Zim, still on his side. He nodded.

"Me too."

Dib reached over and helped him get more comfortable on the bed. Most of what they'd done had happened on the edge of it.

Dib didn't know what to do. What do you say after spontaneous sex? He didn't even know if he should cuddle or what.

"We should probably talk about what just happened." Dib let the words fall out of his mouth. Zim, on his back now, nodded.

"I...I don't know what you wanted out of that. You seemed into it, but I don't know if this is something we should pursue, I don't want to force you into anything." God, he sounded like a jackass. Zim looked at him.

"I was trying to leave."

"What?"

Zim heaved a great big sigh. "The green fireball. I've made some alterations to my Voot Runner that masks it from sensors and satellites. It also gives off a fiery green appearance to the naked eye. I thought I could go during a time when the least amount of humans would be out to see it. That's the thing you saw that night."

Dib blinked. "What?" Zim's face fell.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back just to be reassigned to some shit-shoveling planet. Humiliated in front of the Tallest. A disgrace." Zim seemed to get smaller, shrink within himself. "You were right, I am a coward."

"Hey, hey..." Dib rubbed Zim's arm. "I...was mad. I don't really think you're a coward."

"But it's right." Zim suddenly got up, padding over to the window, his arms crossed. He had taken his shirt off and was now completely nude.

"Zim." Dib sat up. "You do know that you've become a perfect human right?" An antenna quirked.

"I've improved, that's true."

"No, it's more than that. Remember in the diner? I didn't know who you were until you waved at me. And that's a big deal because I'm human and I already KNOW you're an alien, and I couldn't figure it out. And you didn't leave BECAUSE you couldn't abandon your mission. If anything, your braver than you realize."

Zim turned to him. "I'm not brave at all. I feel like...like I've lost...my Invader spirit." He held his arms, like he was cold, and Dib beckoned him back to the bed.

"I would be lying if I told you I want you to have it. I mean...despite everything, I still don't want you to take over this planet, Zim."

"That's just it!" He sat down on the bed with a whump. "I don't...I don't think I even want to anymore. I'm so good at blending in that people actually talk to me and are nice to me! When we were in skool, everyone was horrible, I wanted to DESTROY THEM ALL...but now..." Dib nodded.

"Middle skool is probably one of the worst times for children. We're awful to each other. After that, things get better. I'm not surprised you're being treated well."

Closing his eyes and looking away, Zim bent over the bedside. "But...there's no one here who really knows me or understands me. My race is a million light years away. I haven't heard my own language in so long. I'm completely alone."

Dib put a hand on Zim's shoulder. "You're not alone." Zim turned to him, eyes full of need. "I'm here."

After that morning, Zim hung around the apartment while Dib rested, dressed and propped up on some pillows in the bed. Earlier, he'd been feeling great, but after a while, he'd begun to feel some fairly severe chest pain. After last night though…better try to ignore it Dib thought.

"How did you get so tall?" Dib asked from the bed. Zim, who was picking up the room after their fight earlier.

"Some very strong and very illegal, on my planet anyway, drugs." Zim threw a bunch of pens onto Dib's desk.

"Oh...not anything dangerous I hope." Zim shook his head.

"No, but any height enhancements are considered cheating." He grabbed Dib's coat, placing it on the now righted chair. "But seeing as I'm far away...and how odd it would be if I stayed the same height as when I was a 'child', I decided it wouldn't matter so much if I grew a bit. I'm still below average though."

"Not by much." Dib looked contemplative for a second. Then, "How old are you anyway?"

Zim stood up straight, thinking. He counted a bit on his fingers. "Ehh...about a hundred earth years, I think."

Dib stared at him. "What? " He sat up, wincing at his ribs. "Zim, you're ancient! How long do Irkens live?"

Zim snorted. "Compared to humans? A very long time. Anyway, by Irk standards, I'm still young...and virile." He looked at Dib slyly.

"Oh..." Dib lay back, relieved. Using his good hand, he rubbed his aching chest. "So you're not a dirty old man, then." Zim scoffed, throwing some papers in the trash.

"What kind of creature do you take me for?"

"I dunno..." Dib shook his head. "Heh, maybe if you told me where this..."thing" between us is going...I would get a better picture. Aren't we supposed to be enemies?" Zim was quiet. He did not look at Dib. "Unless..." Dib felt his heart sink. "Unless you want this to just have been a one shot deal." Zim snapped his head toward Dib.

"No." He said simply.

"But it doesn't make any sense!" Dib was surprised with himself. He didn't know he cared. "We fought for years! What's different? What changed?"

"Nothing changed!" Zim was closer now, tall and sleek, gazing down at Dib. "I knew the Tallest sent me here as a joke almost as soon as I got here. I stayed because..."

Dib felt his chest tighten. "Because...?" But Zim shook his head.

"Nevermind, it's not important."

Dib wanted to pry further. Something was going on just beneath the surface. But he coughed, and a spasm of pain made him lurch. Zim looked at him questioningly.

Dammit, I can't help it. "The Perc...can you hand it to me?" Dib gestured at his coat. Zim found the pills in his pocket and took out the last two remaining ones. He stared at them for a moment. There was a strange look on his face. Closing his hand, Dib heard a small *crunch* and there was nothing but powder when Zim opened it again.

"Hey!" Dib cried. Zim pursed his lips and the powder flew away in a cloud. "Zim! I really needed those!" The pain was becoming so intense, it was maddening. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Tears of agony started in his eyes. He started taking several hitching breaths, panicking.

"Stop." Zim came over to him, grabbing his chin so he would look into his eyes, and sat on the bed. "I took the height drugs because I needed to survive here. You don't. That stuff is poison."

"I know!" Dib was crying from the pain, hot tears on his cheeks. "But it hurts so bad, please please Zim I can't-I can't catch a breath." He was gasping, but every time he tried to fill his lungs, a stabbing pain forced the air back out.

Zim's face was a mask of concern. "Why can't you breathe? What's wrong?" Dib pointed at his chest.

"My ribs...I broke a couple too. The Perc...it's for them..." Zim grimaced.

"Shit, okay. Calm down. I'm not an Invader for nothing." Zim grabbed Dib's shirt, pulling it carefully over his head and cast. Then he started taking off the bandages, slowly. Dib gasped as the final strips were taken off, the sudden loss of pressure a shock.

Underneath the dressing, his chest was black and blue. Zim inspected it carefully.

"Which ones are broken exactly?" Zim asked. Dib shakily pointed.

"The 7th and the 10th they said."

"Okay. Hold still." One of Zim's Pak legs came out with a strange looking device that looked like a small, space age gun. He took it and pointed it at Dib's chest. Oh God. Dib thought wildly. He's going to kill me. It was all just a ruse. His heart beat in his chest, but he stayed calm. If this was it, that was fine. At least he wouldn't be in any more pain...

A small beam of light emitted from the gun. Instantly, Dib felt the pain subside to a low pinch in the area the light was directed at. After a few moments, Zim moved the beam to the next rib, then clicked it off, finished. Dib breathed in. He breathed out. There was almost no pain.

"What was that thing?" Zim grinned at him.

"It's an Invader tool, for healing more serious injuries in the field that our Paks can't handle. Neat huh?"

"Uhh, yeah. Am I really healed though?" Zim shook his head.

"Your bones are different than ours, so they are still somewhat broken. They're just a bit further along healing than they would be normally." He glanced at Dib's arm. "I can't do your arm though, too much muscle surrounding the break. You're lucky you're scrawny and I could get to your ribcage." Zim stared at Dib's body until Dib felt himself redden.

"Where's my shirt, let me put it back-" Dib reached for the garment. Zim grabbed his wrist.

"Don't." Dib met Zim's eyes. They burned at him. "I like it better this way." Dib felt like his face would burst into flame, it felt so hot.

"Um...thanks?" Dib smiled. His chest felt so much better, yet there was still a tightness there. He knew it had nothing to do with his ribs. Gently, he grasped Zim's head and brought it close. Now things didn't feel so rushed. He was in control and could focus. He decided to start with the lips.
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